|>>|| No. 24743
Hallo, got diagnosed with anxiety induced depression a couple of months back, had been suspicious for months before that though. Currently on Venlafaxine, 75mg/day. Had a couple of breakdowns at the bar I work at in January, so management got concerned and we started a dialogue. Sorry, this is quite a long post. It's been a busy week.
A couple of weeks after a progressive chat with the GM about how he could help, one of the managers asked me to replace some old cans with new bottles, and keep the redundant stuff for staff drinks on the weekend, so come the weekend, I took a couple of cans from the cellar when I was stocking, and left them in my hoodie, on top of my bag in the staff room to take up after shift. I didn't confirm with management that this was ok, I took it as assumed since I'd been told. Bad idea, I didn't make it out of the staff room, got called into the office bag searched et al, turns out someone had gone into the staff room and noticed the cans when they were moving my clothes, assumed as theft.
In terms of the disciplinary/investigation, IMO it's all cut and dry, I know the camera could see me taking the cans, and then the cans were in the staff room in my hoodie. It's just a matter of intention, if they think I was trying to take them off the premise then I should be sacked. I didn’t panic after it was clear my stuff had been moved, everything hung up bar my hoodie that was positioned in the corner of the camera-bound staffroom (where it had previously been placed on top of my zippable, padded bag…with all my other stuff. Basically, I thought what I was doing was ok, but if it wasn’t then it should just be a matter of policy and they should just fire me so I know where I am. I just want to get that done and out of the way and the GM insists that we have this meeting, despite everyone having clearly made their decisions (as he admitted today), and you can't intellectualise your way back into someone's trust, so that's fucked.
That incident happened a few hours before I was gonna cross the country via bus for mothers day, and I was feeling too grim to do it so I called my mum on Sunday morning to apologise. She's the kind of mum you'd buy at John Lewis, mental health advocate as well. I was having trouble explaining why I couldn't come down but she started having a go at me so I told her about the diagnosis (I hadn't wanted her to fuss over me) and was met with "I know you have depression but you should just be a man and see me". I knew that she was just angry, so I said I had to go and we smoothed it out a couple of days later, but that really hit me.
Anyway, the Monday following mother's day, I was walking the dog to my girlfriend's house, to meet her and explain the work situation and the mum situation, and I started having a panic attack, so we started arguing because I'd promised I'd come, and now I was just sat on a bench with a dog I now felt incapable of looking after. I texted her the basic outline and how it was affecting me, and she said that before she'd received that she'd been composing a text saying that we should take a break. She's been great during this but it's taking a toll on our relationship, but things are generally ok.
After that I missed the disciplinary meeting. I pulled myself together a few hours afterwards, came in to apologise, was told we couldn't do it without a second manager, so we rescheduled for the next morning. That morning, had an argument with my gf and ended up going foetal and kind of didn’t get out of bed until midnight.
At this point I figured I would be getting sacked, so I just needed to get it over with, went in the next day and apologised, said personal reasons, "Not good enough", explained the facts of what had happened with mum/girlfriend, but avoided talking about how it'd made me feel, hoping I wouldn't have to. I was given a last chance to come in, and we'd rearrange for Monday (today).
I went in today. The witness manager isn't in. He's been called away, so again we can't have the meeting (albeit the 'fault' score is still 2:1 to me). Since I was there, the GM explained that he no longer trusted me as a result of initial circumstances and missed meetings, and whilst the disciplinary would still be carried out and I'd be able to stay working there, it'd be on one shift a week for a while. I said I'd been trying to find day jobs so it might be for the best, as I've had my fill of bar work...but I just felt like collapsing. I was hyperventilating on the walk there, after all their 'final chance, last meeting, be here then', bam, "Sorry mate this guy had to go, tell you what, keep yourself free all day so we can phone, or we might call you tomorrow." Fuck.
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