My other half has bought presents for my childrens' teachers. I'm not entirely sure when this became a thing but I don't like it.

I've been constipated for the last few days and I can tell I'm going to have an arse explosion of that piss-thin diarrhoea you usually get afterwards tonight.

I wish I was still a teenager. I'm not adapting well to the slow degradation of age.

>>25499

The All Bran is beckoning, m8. You've got to look after your arse.

>>25466
Found a way around this. Either put on a stupid voice or make sure there's a lot of background noise, it gives up and says they'll try to get you to do it next time.

I need to replace my toilet seat, and as it's a close-quarters unit it needs to be a top-fix. I foolishly assumed there would be some sort of standard, so bought one that "fits most UK toilets", only even with the fittings at their narrowest they're still about two inches too fucking far apart.

>>25489
Fuck sake.

>>25492

How no to virus, man? How no to virus?

>>25493

Windows XP. It's so old nobody makes viruses for it anymore.

>>25494
The NHS disagrees.

>>25474
Next time, don't leave it so late and just pirate the damn thing. I only buy applications from companies that aren't twats.

>>25495
https://www.theverge.com/2017/5/30/15712542/windows-xp-wannacry-protect-ransomware-blue-screen

Apparently weird stock photos are a thing. Some of these campaigns have probably earned the publisher the only royalty they'll ever receive for them.

I am a huge fan of such stock images.

>>25340
This one is frightening in all sorts of ways.

>>25338

Don't forget "men laughing alone with salad".

This poor cunt.

>>25163
Why did you not ask him if he's finished? It takes like 10 minutes to change two tyres, if that.

I recommend blackcircles.com

I've been to visit relatives in Hull today. I'd forgotten people there do not drive in bus lanes when they're not in operation and glare at you like you're a mad undertaking maniac.

I was doing ~45mph on an A road because I was looking for a turn off which I wasn't 100% sure where it was. Knobhead in a BMW starts tailgating me. I finally spotted it and put my indicators on early and when I'd started turning the knobhead overtakes me on the right-hand side. A few seconds later and he'd have ploughed straight into my car.

The drive outside my flat is wide enough for one car. There are a few parking bays on each side at slight angles to the drive.

Most people who park here drive all the way up to the end of the bay until one or both of their front wheels is touching the kerb. However there are some dickheads who stop a good foot or two away from the kerb, which means there's a lot less space behind them for people driving past or trying to reverse out of the other spaces.

And guess what, whenever someone parks like that, it's always a Mercedes or BMW. (It's not just one or two people, I've been here years and seen a succession of many dickheads in German cars who do this.)

One day last week my bus got stuck for around 10-15 minutes and had to give up because a BMW driver thought it was a good idea to just break down in the middle of the road and stay there. The street is just about wide enough for two vehicles, and the driver made no attempt to move the vehicle. Didn't push it, didn't ask for help to push it, didn't accept any offer of help to push it. Just fucking left it there. Two minibuses had to mount the kerb to get around it.

Last time I broke down in the middle of the road, I waited until it was safe to get out, signalled to people for help, and between three of us (a small woman sat inside to steer and brake) we got the car out of the way. That was from the middle lane of three on a busy dual carriageway during rush hour.

>>25271

Did he make that up, or was he just mistaken? An "antidote" in that context sounds like something Larry David in Curb would use to put the end to an awful conversation. Hilarity ensues.

>>25272
I'm sure he was very much mistaken, but he's one of those chaps who hears some kind of new idiom and doesn't bother to understand its meaning and just imitates it poorly. Dime a dozen becoming diamond dozen and all that.

"Anyone no of a good bridle shop?"

Bridle for bridal, she later asked about dressmakers, so I can assume she meant bridal. Add this to the pile of thickness in the thread.

>>25301
Maybe she wants something kinky for the honeymoon.

"What's that sapost to mean?"

It's amazing what people come up with on the internet.

>>25066
What kind of world do you live in?

>>25068

>What kind of world do you live in?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rytC4QsIiG8

>>25069
Two out of three Berkeley students when asked didn't know which party Abraham Lincoln belonged to, THEREFORE we have full employment.

>>25070
Is that so strange? I don't know what sort of Government The Right Honourable Henry Pelham had, do you?

>>25069
Oh dear.

>>24942
I'm gay. But I'm not the person you quoted. Hail Eris.

>>24943
Is it contagious? I'd hate to catch the gay in this political climate.

>>24944
By very common law, it's sexually-transmitted.

>>24945

Many studies have been conducted but most researchers believe it is hereditary from an Iron age Irish Tribe.

It spread to Caledonia and Wales during the migration period, followed by a thorough colonising of Brighton, New York, San Francisco and Sydney.

>>24948

>Many studies have been conducted but most researchers believe it is hereditary from an Iron age Irish Tribe.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eh7W0U65gh8

>>24923
Not entirely unexpected, but at least you asked. Passive aggressive note on the windscreen it is, then. At least make it somewhat funny.

>>24928

Replace dickbrain with dickhead.

>>24928
I left a firm note and they've been boxed in overnight by the person who the space is intended for.

>>24930
Careful with that. They might not care about someone parked in a drive, but a vehicle blocked in is a very different thing.

>>24931
It'll be gone by 7.

>>15532

>Not true. Using a UAV for commercial purposes requires CAA clearance and a certificate of competence, but using them for private purposes is perfectly legal so long as you remain within visual range and avoid controlled airspace.

Nope. There are a tone of guidelines that you must meet, even as a private individual, to constitute legal operation of a UAV. These are pretty standard things like being a certain distance away from "public space" and the suchlike, but it's the sort of thing that renders them almost completely useless if you intend to use them legally, because I can't think of very many places in the UK (unless you are a very wealthy landowner) that satisfy the requirements.

Source: I work there, they sent a copy of the CAA regulations out via mass e-mail. I can't remember the details brilliantly because it wasa few weeks ago, but it wasn't just because of commercial use, it was because they were in violation of pretty much every other rule regardless of having clearance.

>>15438
You don't have crystal clear memory of everything that ever happens, but more importantly filming allows anyone to share that exact same moment and analyse it. It really isn't the same

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJNAvyLCTik

>>24843
That was good. It was quite obvious how he kept having to cut away when they started turning the questioning on him, or something happened that necessitated he stop filming, though.

The reference to an Internet cafe really dates it.

>>15432

>Basically
The start of all student arguments

I watched the link, the guy walking round with the camera needs multiple shoeing in the cock whilst being filmed.

>>24762

>Are you saying that gay marriage is a 'regressive left' issue
No and you're stupid >I don't get it.

>its hypocrisy to come to a different viewpoint after 12 years?
Yes as politician with a political agenda, no as a everyday person

> Perhaps by sharing a video of an American Presidential candidate this is some act of satire
Clinton isn't a candidate, she lost

>the real issue is American cultural imperialism that has turned Anglican sensibilities on religion and politics into a snide shouting match?
Try harder, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadilad.

>>24763

Gay marriage and Clinton? No chance. Maybe this is why Ellen received the Medal of Honor for wait a minute

Oh I see now, THAT'S why Ellen got the badge https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3huRVrckY8

Hillary Clinton doesn't support gay marriage you leftards.

>>24764

Well it/ze/zir/mong fucked off quick.

>>24768
Eh?

>>24769

Somestupidcuntsaidsomethingmateyoumustkeepup





>>24769

I fell asleep at eight, woke up at eleven and can't understand why my body has decided to do me like this.

Might go for a weirdy night walk.

>>24309
When you step out of the door, I will know and eventually find you.

I gave some of my whisky to a homeless lady and she thankrd e then introducede to her son who was out walking his dog talking to her and her partner. I apologised to him saying I'm sorry, if I was in your position of hate me for doing that but in her position I'd be thankful. I don't know how to feel.

>>24310

I'll be sure to wipe you off my boots when I get back in.

>>24311
OK let me get this straight, the son is 'out' therefore has a home, yet the mother is homeless? Why doesn't she live with him?

>>23328
Id rather ask a human being.

>>23410

Send someone an e-mail asking for them to look it up for you then.

>>23411
What's your email?

>>23429
arsepisser@cock.li

!!!!!!!!!!BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!


here's some shit about football

>>23234
You don't get to choose your own security question?

>>23239
You do and I did exactly that in 2005 or so.

>>23240
I hate that bollocks. I've never had to use the security question for years on any of my accounts, but I recently discovered that Microsoft in particular love locking you out if you sign in from a different country. Did I remember any answers to questions I made 5+ years ago that I never had to use? No. It took me a month to be able to change my security info and get back into my accounts.

I once had to tell someone my 'mother's maiden name' over the phone.
I no longer use quite such rude words when filling in stuff, neither of us needed that level of awkwardness - I was only ever expecting to need to type it.

>>23226
Those dogs sound like they are badly socialised and trained; they shouldn't be picking on other dogs or jumping up once told firmly to stop it. Medium to large dogs, or even small yappy ones, should not be allowed to go mad with jumping on people as dogs are stupid and don't always tell the difference between jumping on a grown adult and a 4 foot child. The fact that they didn't respond to being called back also indicates they're poorly trained. Also, when you have that many dogs being walked how do you even cope without at least a few of them on leads? The fact that you remained fairly polite and calm in the face of being threatened indicates that they were being more cunty than you were.

>>22686

Renting and buying is terrible here. I mean really terrible. Estate Agents might well be bastards, but there are higher bastards than them that have continued to do nothing about it, or dare I say, make the situation worse. I assume that it makes too much money, in its chaotic state, to 'justify' improving the system.

>>22693

I'm not quite one of the hard-line "all property is theft" nutters, but it has to be said that when you look at it, a great deal of the property market and the people who make money off it are completely parasitic and unnecessary.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fu8pIeeoZcg

>>22694
>I'm not quite one of the hard-line "all property is theft" nutters

Then you deserve to get shafted.

>>22724

Solidarity in action.