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>> No. 28571 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 1:05 am
28571 Minor Rants and Piss-Offs, Mark VIII
It appears largethreadmodlad has also locked the previous iteration of this thread; Mark VIII it is, then.

I take perfect care of my nails. I don't bite them, I cut in the standard flat formation every 3-5 days, and scrub under them in the shower. So why the actual fuck are my cuticles bleeding? Putting the plaster over to catch the blood means I can't play my bass properly, and that pisses me off.
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>> No. 30449 Anonymous
15th July 2020
Wednesday 3:52 pm
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>>30446
>My girlfriend doesn't believe in preheating the oven.
Are you dating Jez from Peep Show?
>> No. 30450 Anonymous
15th July 2020
Wednesday 4:57 pm
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Let's say you preheat the oven. It takes 10 minutes to heat up and 20 minutes to cook = the oven is on for 30 minutes.

Let's say you don't preheat the oven. It takes 25 minutes to cook.

That's a saving of 5 minutes, or 16.67%. Big Appliance are laughing at you.
>> No. 30451 Anonymous
15th July 2020
Wednesday 5:10 pm
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>>30450

It also means your food is slowly brought up to temperature for the first 10 or so minutes, which at best makes food less crispy/more soggy and at worse increases the risk of food poisoning.
>> No. 30452 Anonymous
15th July 2020
Wednesday 11:27 pm
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Wikipedia's "History of the British canal system" article is a mess.
>> No. 30453 Anonymous
16th July 2020
Thursday 12:56 am
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>>30452
Every canal and boat I have ever visited is a joy to me. I think it is one of those bits of our heritage and culture we will discover too late.

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>> No. 30430 Anonymous
8th July 2020
Wednesday 5:40 pm
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I don't think I can take much more of this. My friends use this in almost every line of text conversation. All of them.
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>> No. 30435 Anonymous
9th July 2020
Thursday 4:00 pm
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I actually think they can be pretty handy to convey the tone in which I want some lass to read my awkward messages.
>> No. 30436 Anonymous
9th July 2020
Thursday 4:20 pm
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>>30435

Yeah, they're essential for talking to birds so they know when you're joking, or else they will genuinely just assume you're some kind of serial killer. The British sense of humour doesn't translate well to text unless the person reading it is quite sharp.
>> No. 30437 Anonymous
9th July 2020
Thursday 11:10 pm
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>>30432
> If only they knew emoji originated in Japan...
What difference would that make? Many of them see Japan as an example of a model society.
>> No. 30439 Anonymous
11th July 2020
Saturday 7:57 pm
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>>30430
Genuinely upsetting.
>> No. 30440 Anonymous
11th July 2020
Saturday 10:25 pm
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MSN Messenger winks were really just as egregious. To remember using these after school with mates.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqGJUKaaLU4

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>> No. 5003 Anonymous
6th September 2011
Tuesday 6:40 pm
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VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO
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>> No. 30351 Anonymous
22nd June 2020
Monday 12:45 pm
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>>30348>>30350
Well we don't have a president, lads, I don't know what you're complaining about.
>> No. 30353 Anonymous
22nd June 2020
Monday 1:44 pm
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>>30351
Not with that kind of attitude.
>> No. 30355 Anonymous
22nd June 2020
Monday 2:45 pm
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Priminister.
>> No. 30381 Anonymous
25th June 2020
Thursday 2:03 pm
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I don't care if "spill the tea" is an actual saying. Using it instead of "spill the beans" is just plain wrong.
>> No. 30411 Anonymous
28th June 2020
Sunday 7:15 pm
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Bubbling point.

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>> No. 28764 Anonymous
23rd July 2019
Tuesday 4:48 pm
28764 Summer
Fuck off sun

It is 34 today, it'll be 37 on Thursday.
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>> No. 28845 Anonymous
27th July 2019
Saturday 3:29 pm
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been sweating my ass off all week welding in this heat. but 3 hours before i leave the fucking weekend rain starts again FML.
>> No. 30075 Anonymous
23rd May 2020
Saturday 12:57 am
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My nemesis hath returned once more and with him always seems to follow the sweary season on britfa.gs

Let us remember to repeat this mantra "is this person actually an insufferable cunt or is it simply too fucking hot"?
>> No. 30078 Anonymous
23rd May 2020
Saturday 3:41 am
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I want it to be winter again
>> No. 30079 Anonymous
23rd May 2020
Saturday 3:55 am
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>>30078
Give it a couple of months.
>> No. 30080 Anonymous
23rd May 2020
Saturday 7:49 am
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>>30078
Days start getting shorter in less then 4 weeks. ITZ COMING.

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>> No. 25338 Anonymous
2nd June 2017
Friday 10:09 pm
25338 Terrible product/marketing photos
Nothing can so easily send me into apoplectic rage and simultaneous fits of laughter as non-nonsensical photographs in advertising and marketing. I couldn't decide where this thread belongs best as it's both irritating and entertaining at the same time.

Lidl has some brilliant examples, for instance this picture of a woman who is clearly off her tits on some research chems and is seeing hallucinations of vegetables flying around her head.
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>> No. 29459 Anonymous
24th January 2020
Friday 2:59 pm
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>>29457

My ex still calls emergency vehicles "nee naws" as in, oh, pull over, here come the nee naws.

It was sort of funny but mostly very odd.
>> No. 29460 Anonymous
24th January 2020
Friday 4:13 pm
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>>29458

I was just thinking their cultural literacy must be as impressive as whoever thought [word redacted because I just got banned for an hour for posting it] was a good name for Woolworths kids beds. It's not like when you used to see accidentally goatse-looking logos and think oh well, the designer's just oblivious to memes. That was a bit enviable.
>> No. 29461 Anonymous
24th January 2020
Friday 4:23 pm
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>>29460

Maybe someone at Cummings just thought it was finally time to address the company name with a little nod.
>> No. 29462 Anonymous
24th January 2020
Friday 6:47 pm
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>>29456
>> No. 29469 Anonymous
26th January 2020
Sunday 11:33 am
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>>27716
I used to read a trade mag called Computing. They had a long-running gag about "black women with routers". And it was true, almost without fail every advert for a router used to have a very happy-looking black woman holding it.

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>> No. 5103 Anonymous
22nd September 2011
Thursday 9:56 pm
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THERE'S TRAFFIC AT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE JUNCTION BUT INSTEAD OF LETTING YOU PULL OUT I'M GOING TO CREEP MY CAR FORWARD A FEW METRES AND BLOCK YOU IN BECAUSE I'M AN INCONSIDERATE CUNT WHO WOULD RATHER INCONVENIENCE OTHERS JUST SO I CAN SPEED UP MY OWN JOURNEY BY A FEW SECONDS.
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>> No. 27958 Anonymous
6th December 2018
Thursday 8:24 am
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I think someone has been in my car last night, judging by the glovebox being open and things from there and the compartment next to the gearbox being on the floor. I suppose it was inevitable, having a car that tucks in the wing mirrors when it is locked and a scatterbrained girlfriend who doesn't always remember to lock the car. At least there was nothing for them worth pinching.
>> No. 28392 Anonymous
25th February 2019
Monday 5:08 pm
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I was about two-thirds of the way past a bus when it simultaneously indicated and swerved out from the stop, almost hitting me. Bus drivers are right cunts.
>> No. 29035 Anonymous
4th October 2019
Friday 5:04 pm
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PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. Use the whole fucking length of the slip road.

Whether the traffic is at a standstill or moving at 70mph, the slip road is there to give you time to filter in without stopping and match the speed of the traffic, or if you absolutely have to stop when there's no space, move to the end of the slip road to make space for the cars behind you to queue (and get off the fucking roundabout too)
>> No. 29067 Anonymous
14th October 2019
Monday 4:45 pm
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Today I watched a police car ignore one of these. ACAB.
>> No. 29068 Anonymous
14th October 2019
Monday 11:32 pm
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Had to use my horn twice in two days.
First was a campervan driver who pulling away mugging like he was looking in the side mirror but due to how he was parked all that would have shown them was the Gregs behind him - not me coming down the road he was pulling in to.
Second was someone who was driving down the road and then just slowed down to a complete stop. No hazard lights, no signs of looking to pull over - just stopped in the middle of the road with no apparent idea someone was behind them.

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>> No. 29018 Anonymous
27th September 2019
Friday 9:39 pm
29018 Magazines
I get that magazines are more or less obsolete now, except for a few silly sods like me who impulse buy them from time to time.
But how exactly have we ended up with the "November" issues hitting the shelves in September?
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>> No. 29019 Anonymous
27th September 2019
Friday 9:40 pm
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It's called a quarterly.
>> No. 29020 Anonymous
27th September 2019
Friday 9:44 pm
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No, it's definitely monthly.
>> No. 29021 Anonymous
27th September 2019
Friday 9:46 pm
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It's four weekly.

https://www.practicalfishkeeping.co.uk/store/back-issues/practical-fishkeeping
>> No. 29022 Anonymous
27th September 2019
Friday 10:19 pm
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It's mainly for the benefit of WH Smith. Nobody likes buying old magazines, so releasing the "November" issue in September extends the shelf life. Also, international subscribers feel like they're getting the latest issue even if it takes six weeks to arrive by surface mail.
>> No. 29023 Anonymous
27th September 2019
Friday 10:54 pm
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The cover date is for the newsagent, not you. It's the date when they're supposed to withdraw the issue from sale. Typically a monthly magazine will publish either 12 or 13 issues per year (the latter usually includes a Christmas issue). In this case, the November issue goes on sale from 25/09, and will be removed from the shelves around 01/11, by which time the December issue should have turned up.

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>> No. 29001 Anonymous
20th September 2019
Friday 1:28 am
29001 Shit neighbours
Fuck me, the dolescum that live in the "affordable housing" block (see: corporate slumlords) next to me insist on being as loud and obnoxious as possible next to an open window that then reverbs around the close well into the early hours of the morning. It wouldn't be an issue if this wasn't the fourth night this week they'd done it and the countless of several weeks on the trot.

They've had the police called on them for noise disturbances to no avail and doubtlessly have been reported to the housing association (£££) more than once but is there anything that I, personally, can do to stop it? I've asked them nicely countless times (through my window with the blinds closed at night, naturally) only to be met with profanity and increased noise disturbance. I may have snapped at a particularly bad day today and screamed for them to shut the fuck up but it didn't seem to do much except likely irk my neighbours further. And yes, my intended recipients definitely heard.

FWIW affordable housing is great but underclasses that are content being underclasses taking up flats more proactive people could use fucks me off to no end.
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>> No. 29002 Anonymous
20th September 2019
Friday 4:36 am
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Tip the police off that the house is being used to sell drugs. Scum like that always have drugs anyway so the rozzers are bound to find something nickable.

Bear in mind that snitches get stitches and now you've screamed at them they'll probably blame you for anything like that. I know it's obvious advice but keep your head down, save what you can and fight tooth and nail for a better job that lets you move far, far away.
>> No. 29003 Anonymous
20th September 2019
Friday 6:29 am
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Is this the first time you've actually had to encounter the great unwashed? Your options are either to join in with them or do what everyone else in the country does by getting as far away from them as possible. You will not change their behaviour.
>> No. 29004 Anonymous
20th September 2019
Friday 9:36 am
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I find I'm okay with it if I just think of it as an ongoing drama that I catch snippets of.

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>> No. 28995 Anonymous
19th September 2019
Thursday 1:47 pm
28995 Bluetooth
Did you know that bluetooth is named after King Harald 'Bluetooth' of Denmark. Supposedly because he succeeded in getting the tribes of Denmark to communicate with each other and unite with each other? This in spite of the fact that a meaningful modern "kingdom" as we would understand the term didn't really emerge until another 50 years or so after his death and in fact he simply consolidated the Jutland peninsula? When I try to make my computer and my speakers communicate with each other I can tell.

Also he was ovethrown and forced into exile by his own son for being so crap. The son, Sveyn Forkbeard, would later go on to conquer, and become king of, England (which actually was a real kingdom already). Bluetooth has been giving me shit for over a thousand years.
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>> No. 28996 Anonymous
19th September 2019
Thursday 3:47 pm
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Just plug stuff in, lol.

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>> No. 28784 Anonymous
23rd July 2019
Tuesday 10:47 pm
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The next round of Marvel films is going to have Natalie Portman as Thor, Goddess of Thunder; a gay superhero; a deaf superhero; a Chinese superhero; etc. etc. It's going to be diverse, in short.

I'm not posting this to moan about that. I'm posting this pre-emptively to moan about all the moaning. It's coming, you can tell. People can't just shut up and watch their fucking kid's films about aliens and magic, whatever gender or colour the people in them happen to be.
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>> No. 28819 Anonymous
24th July 2019
Wednesday 8:12 pm
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I've seen far, far more "moral imperative etc." about I, Daniel Blake than anything Hollywood has ever made.
>> No. 28820 Anonymous
25th July 2019
Thursday 2:27 am
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>>28817

The problem with Ghostbusters 2016 as an example is that it's pretty difficult to argue that the political agenda didn't get in the way of it being a good film. That film was fucking shit, and it wasn't shit because it had women instead of men. It was fucking shit because they were clearly more bothered about subverting expectations and forecasting shipping than they were about writing a good script or hiring actresses who could actually carry a joke.

At best it made no impact at all and everyone has just forgotten about it, but at worst it's had a negative impact for the people it was trying to help.
>> No. 28821 Anonymous
25th July 2019
Thursday 12:39 pm
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If I wanted to watch Ghostbusters but not Ghostbusters then I'd watch Evolution. It's a very underrated film.
>> No. 28822 Anonymous
25th July 2019
Thursday 1:42 pm
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>>28784
>I'm posting this pre-emptively to moan about all the moaning. It's coming, you can tell.
And come it did. Well done, OP.
>> No. 28823 Anonymous
25th July 2019
Thursday 1:47 pm
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>>28820
I wasn't addressing why it was shit, but I still think you're wrong in your reasoning on that matter. I can't be arsed going through it though, you'll just have to imagine me being all smart and long-winded.

Too hot to talk about Ghostbusters 2016. Too bloody hot.

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>> No. 25832 Anonymous
24th September 2017
Sunday 10:16 pm
25832 BRITFA.GS /101/ MARK VII Locked
The old thread is well over 30MB, so I think we're due a new one.

Some cunt threw a firecracker in front of my bike today. If I hadn't seen the little scrote and his little scrote mates running I wouldn't have noticed until it was too late.
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>> No. 28566 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 8:31 am
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I need to stop doing deep-dives into bigoted teen eskimo Tweeter. Shit's too retarded.
>> No. 28567 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 1:07 pm
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>>28565

I'm learning to be obsequious in Mandarin. It probably won't save me from the forced labour camps, but it might earn me an extra bowl of rice while I'm there.

>他做到了! 杀死叛徒!
>> No. 28568 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 1:22 pm
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>>28567
You turncoat bastard, I'll have your hide before I take their rice!
>> No. 28569 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 2:03 pm
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>>28567
我的气垫船装满了鳗鱼
>> No. 28570 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 5:27 pm
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The cyclist today who saw an older lady crossing the road at a t-junction and approached it at near full speed, purposefully moving so his path was aligned with hers so he could go 'Watch it!' before cycling straight out of the junction and nearly being sidelined by a taxi with right of way.

I am a huge, huge fan of getting more people to cycle but some London cyclists can be a little bellicose at times and misunderstand their commute to work for the first stage of the Tour De France.

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>> No. 28477 Anonymous
31st March 2019
Sunday 3:52 pm
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Using a single opening quote plastered in "popping"colours over an actual quote, like some pea-for-brains heard the phrase "Quote, unquote" and thought to themselves "Well if that one means quote, then why do I need an unquote if the paragraph obviously ends?"
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>> No. 28478 Anonymous
31st March 2019
Sunday 7:17 pm
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I feel like that ought to have some consequences like forgetting to close a bold tag, but I can't think how. Everything is now a quotation forever.

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>> No. 27960 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 1:17 am
27960 ITT: People
Why do you hate them?
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>> No. 28051 Anonymous
14th December 2018
Friday 6:12 pm
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>>28049

>kicks your ass, destroys all that he cannot carry and takes a shit on your favourite carpet

Moving the goalposts a bit from 'poor people commit crimes for economic reasons' m8
>> No. 28052 Anonymous
14th December 2018
Friday 7:51 pm
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>>28051

Almost all poor people that I had the misfortune to meet have a mindset that can be condensed in: "I was born poor and I had a shittier life than yours, so I am justified in behaving in the shittiest way possible."
>> No. 28053 Anonymous
14th December 2018
Friday 7:53 pm
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>>28051
I understand his objection, if not his cuntyness. The majority of poor people don't just go around swindling and burgling, and their personal ethics will be a big part of that. Meanwhile I know very wealthy people who have similarly strict morals and are the sort of people who would never fuck others over given the opportunity.
>> No. 28054 Anonymous
14th December 2018
Friday 8:11 pm
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>>28050

necrocunting
>> No. 28055 Anonymous
15th December 2018
Saturday 7:15 am
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>>28049
>kicks your ass
Go home, Yank.

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>> No. 27744 Anonymous
13th October 2018
Saturday 8:02 pm
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Why is his song 'Human' so popular? It sounds like utter dogshit to me. Maybe I'm just getting old.

Ironically his song includes lyrics of being "only human after all", whereas his picture instead shows a fat piece of shit.
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>> No. 27780 Anonymous
16th October 2018
Tuesday 3:48 pm
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>>27746
>elitism and snobbery

Welcome to britfa.gs m8

>>27749
I'd be inclined to agree with you but this gets more playtime than it deserves and it's even won an award. The lyrics are what especially piss me off, just droning on and on repeating the same phrase. I listen to the radio daily and whilst there's a lot of contemporary music I don't like, I wouldn't say it's the same level as this song.
>> No. 27781 Anonymous
16th October 2018
Tuesday 6:34 pm
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>>27780

Repetition and simplicity are two major features of successful modern pop music. I'm not saying that means you have to suddenly like the song, but you shouldn't be so surprised it's a popular song.

The production on it is really good, it's about as gritty, sampled, and hip-hop as you can get away with making a chart hit sound, and as the lad was originally a rapper and cut his teeth in the High Focus stable, that shouldn't come as much of a shock. His unique (in mainstream music at least) voice probably caught some people's attention too.

The song gets on my tits now because, as you say, it's ridiculously overplayed. But I think I thought it was pretty catchy the first two or three times I heard it. Now after the 800th time, it can fuck right off.

Sage for not supporting your hatred entirely.
>> No. 27782 Anonymous
16th October 2018
Tuesday 7:00 pm
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Reminds me of the Gnarls Barkley song. Fine in it's own right, nods to a genre beyond just "pop", subsequently played to death.
>> No. 27783 Anonymous
16th October 2018
Tuesday 7:14 pm
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Isn't this thread about a year late?

But yeah he's bollocks, it's just one of those pop songs that comes out occasionally that's just fresh enough to properly blow every chart-listening cunt's head off. You know how normal wankers think a trip to Nandos is a bit of an adventurous treat? That's exactly what a fat tattooed bloke is to the pop market.

You can tell it's an intentional marketing construct by the fact his album had adverts on the telly. Telly adverts for an album. Just let your mind roll over that for a moment.
>> No. 27784 Anonymous
16th October 2018
Tuesday 7:21 pm
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>>27783

>It's just one of those pop songs that comes out occasionally that's just fresh enough to properly blow every chart-listening cunt's head off. You know how normal wankers think a trip to Nandos is a bit of an adventurous treat? That's exactly what a fat tattooed bloke is to the pop market.

Very, very well put.

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