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>> No. 427901 Anonymous
23rd June 2019
Sunday 8:43 pm
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Has anyone ever attempted to make a foodstuff that is 100% useful to your body where none of it will be shat out the other end?
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>> No. 427928 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 10:41 am
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I used to volunteer now and then for a charity for disabled children.

Nothing quite like getting a whiff from a low-functioning autism kid who just shat himself. Not that he would have noticed, he was usually too busy counting all the Lego pieces in the bin over and over. Maybe I contracted my social awkwardness from him.
>> No. 427929 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 11:02 am
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I think there are sites that will sell you pseudo scientific awful tasing milkshake powdered that is supposed to do this, but since one got mentioned by name in another thread recently and I've seen Ads all over reddit for the same one, I wonder if someone is of the the delusion we are worth targeting for viral marketing and OP is a shill trying to lead discussion that way.
>> No. 427932 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 11:23 am
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Of all things, why would anyone want to give up on shitting?
It's about the most productive thing I do at work.
Mildly curious how the cavemen did their bee colony foraging.
>> No. 427937 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 12:55 pm
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Well as Britain's premier discussion forum, it's expected that we will be targeted by such campaigns.
>> No. 427938 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 1:20 pm
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>Nothing quite like getting a whiff from a low-functioning autism kid who just shat himself

Better get used to that smell, seeing as all your kids will be autistic now.

I wonder if there should be health warnings for pregnant women to stay away from autists in case they inhale their farts and it ends up stunting their foetus.

>> No. 425684 Anonymous
5th April 2019
Friday 11:36 pm
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So am I the only one who is getting a bit annoyed by this whole Greta Thunberg cult, or am I just too much of a cold hearted cynic that the world would be better off without?

I don't doubt the legitimate concern of her generation over climate change, after all it will fall to them to sort out the utter fucking mess that we have left the planet in, but all the awards that she is now being showered with are IMO just middle aged and old people's guilt over their own failure to save the planet's climate despite having had decades of prior warning, and who lost their way and succumbed to high carbon footprint consumerism somewhere between 1990s road protest villages and today's school runs in a 4x4. None of it feels sincere or genuine, it's more like, yeah, just take all these awards and shut the hell up already.

And parents whose children now protest every Friday or so are now engaging in pissing matches on twitter and Instagram to show off which one of their kids gets the most involved. As one commenter said, nothing good has ever come of a youth protest movement that was applauded by parents.
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>> No. 427916 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 1:16 am
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It doesn't matter. Nothing you say will get them to shut up.
>> No. 427923 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 9:06 am
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Thousands of Ende Gelände protesters break through police lines to occupy a vast open face coal mine over the weekend. (Possibly tens of thousands of people involved but only some sitting in the mine, others blocking coal trains, distracting police, providing logistics and other things)

Meanwhile the temperature in parts of the Arctic reach 29C and the CO2 concentration in the air is 415ppm and climbing, the highest it has ever been while humans have existed as a species.
>> No. 427931 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 11:17 am
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>Meanwhile the temperature in parts of the Arctic reach 29C and the CO2 concentration in the air is 415ppm and climbing, the highest it has ever been while humans have existed as a species.

That's slightly disconcerting.

I guess it isn't much consolation that the Earth has been through much more sudden catastrophic events like the asteroid impact 65 million years ago and has bounced back.

Best to pack your rice then.
>> No. 427935 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 12:29 pm
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More than slightly, Greenland's melting at a rate we didn't expect would happen for 70 years yet.
>> No. 427936 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 12:35 pm
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That and the ice in the Himalayas
which is not great news for the near-50% of India already suffering from drought to the point they're abandoning their towns.

>> No. 427053 Anonymous
24th May 2019
Friday 7:06 pm
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New weekend thread.

How's it going, lads? What are you up to this weekend?
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>> No. 427922 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 7:17 am
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As someone that recently got locked out by the electronic lock to the front door of my flat, I say you should join it. Never know when it'll come in handy.

If it's cluttering up your screen, you can archive the chat and it won't reappear until someone sends a message to it.
>> No. 427924 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 9:29 am
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>> No. 427927 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 9:45 am
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>Why the fuck does everybody these days feel the need to start their own whatsapp group everytime four people get together and have something in common, however remotely.
Because everyone's lonely and disconnected from their communities.
>> No. 427930 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 11:13 am
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I don't particularly enjoy having much to do with my neighbours on a good day. Can't say I'm really on bad terms with anybody, some of them are even really quite sufferable people. I just value my anonymity when I am at home, with nobody really paying attention to what I am doing. Not sure what good it will really do me to be in a whatsapp group with the other tenants.

And during all of the years since I moved out from my parents', never once did I lock myself out. So it's a chance that's worth taking to me.
>> No. 427933 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 11:44 am
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Having half of my flat trashed due to heating system being re-done. Had to move my chair and my table from near the window.
It's been just a day and I already miss it. I'm kind of used to stare at the street when I'm idling.
Jiggawatt m8. And it was a lovely film indeed.
Anyway, I'm somewhat tempted to re-watch The Bourne Identity, and then maybe the four other parts too.
Legacy was a tad sillier than it should have been, with all those pills shite.

>> No. 426868 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 5:49 pm
426868 Dream Thread Mk. II
Fitter when she was fat edition.

You know the drill lads. Here are a few helpful links in order to help you further your proficiency at dreaming, and hopefully elevate the quality of discussion about our nocturnal adventures:



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>> No. 427869 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 10:51 pm
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>Much in the same way a poo is wrong on your mum's face

Depends on the lad's mum.
>> No. 427874 Anonymous
23rd June 2019
Sunday 9:36 am
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In some cases they're one and the same.
>> No. 427875 Anonymous
23rd June 2019
Sunday 9:47 am
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I'm notifying HR about the direction this thread has taken.
>> No. 427914 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 12:56 am
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Hereditary Redheads?
Hosiery Recruits?
Heretic Romanians?

Coat gotten.
>> No. 427934 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 12:03 pm
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I was shooting people again. A Steyr with a weird red dot sight device that also provided magnification.
There were some good 800 metres between me and my targets. I remember having to compensate for the distance.
No idea what to make out of this. It was fun.

>> No. 427812 Anonymous
21st June 2019
Friday 6:18 pm
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This week’s puzzle marks the opening round of a national competition in which Guardian readers have traditionally performed strongly over many years.

You have to work out how White, playing as usual up the board in the diagram, can force checkmate in two moves, however Black defends.

The puzzle is the first stage of the Winton British Chess Solving Championship, organised by the British Chess Problem Society and open to any British resident. Entry is free and the prize fund will be at least £1,225.


It's the pawn to H8, right?
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>> No. 427849 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 11:26 am
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Yeah, and then that's mate in 3, not 2. Keep up.
>> No. 427853 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 1:26 pm
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Oh sorry you said e7 not e6. Yeah that's mate in 2 fair enough.

HOWEVER: if Black doesn't use the rook, and Qc6 as originally planned, then the queen can be captured from d7. So that's the whole thing out the window.

I'm starting to think this puzzle is impossible.
>> No. 427855 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 2:08 pm
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I'm wondering whether it can be brute-forced. The criteria here is essentially that for the correct white move, white has a mating response to every black move. In this position, there are 38 legal moves for white and 13 moves for black, but some of the white moves are checks which narrow down the possibilities for black. For example, after Rf5+ the only legal move is Nxf5.

If black doesn't use the rook, it has to move something else.
e7 Nf5 Rxf5#
e7 N{f3,g2} Rf5#
e7 Rf8 exf8Q#
e7 d[65] Re6#
e7 c6 Qd6#

I don't think there's an immediate mate from e7 g6 though.
>> No. 427856 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 2:51 pm
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>> No. 427861 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 4:21 pm
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D'oh! In that case, I think we have our answer. 1. e7 ... leads to inevitable mate in one.

>> No. 424490 Anonymous
24th February 2019
Sunday 5:23 pm
424490 Speed Dating
Any of the you lads tried speed dating before? Any tips or stories to share?

I'm thinking of giving it a go as I moved to London recently and haven't had much luck with meeting women through friends-of-friends. I must admit though, the thought of scorecards is a bit unsettling but maybe it's a sign of the more serious searching for a partner that I should be doing. Will give you an update if I find the bottle for it.
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>> No. 427740 Anonymous
19th June 2019
Wednesday 10:27 pm
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Did you? I thought I was the funny one.
>> No. 427748 Anonymous
19th June 2019
Wednesday 11:24 pm
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I was the other extreme for part of my life, especially in adolescence and until about my mid-20s, in that I was skinny bordering on the unhealthy, and being skinny and having no muscle as a lad is or was often still perceived as lacking manliness. One or two lasses that I had sex with at least I got laid occasionally even told me that I was really skinny for a guy and that they normally preferred more blokey looking blokes.

It was only when I started working out regularly that I overcame my self esteem issues in that respect as I saw my muscles gradually grow from a bit of weight lifting. Nowadays, I'd say I am of average build, with an average amount of upper body muscle for a guy in general. Women don't complain. I just don't seem to have the right genes to be ripped like some lads who pretty much just have to think of dumbbells in their head in order to make their biceps grow.
>> No. 427772 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 7:58 pm
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I'm still the same, but I've found I just need to play to my strengths. It works a charm for pulling bisexual girls who are up for threesomes, because I have a lot of the traits they find attractive in women anyway except with a gigantic knob.

I don't have any insecurity about being a smaller, feminine, less intimidating bloke, but I think what I have developed instead is a sort of contempt for that concept of rugged, chiselled manliness. I've never wanted to be that, and I can't see the appeal in it. Even when I play games, I don't want to be the bloke built like a brick shithouse, I want to be some form of sneaky bastard who'll stick you in the back.

I just don't really get it, if I'm being honest, and it has always seemed to me that the lads who are really ripped, rugby players or gym addicts, supposedly they want to be hard men so that they can attract ladies, but they're the biggest closet bumders I've ever witnessed. Rugby lads in particular are another breed. "Wheeeey, remember that time I fucked Daz in the arse after he got out the shower? Whaaaay fuckin top bantz m8"
>> No. 427774 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 8:22 pm
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>Whaaaay fuckin top bantz m8

That certainly is top bantz.
>> No. 427780 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 11:41 pm
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I did it once and there was this probably-older-than-the-age-group bird who'd obviously had a few too many making an utter spectacle of herself. Topic of conversation for a couple of my dates during the evening.

A few weeks later I did a more casual meet-and-greet event in a nearby but different town.... and she was one of the ones running it. Obviously a plant to get the female numbers up at the speed dating event (as it was there were more men than women, everyone had one date that evening where they sat at their table and did little more than play with their phone for 5 minutes), and maybe help out the organiser at the same time.

I have not done a similar event since.

>> No. 425247 Anonymous
18th March 2019
Monday 1:45 pm
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New mid-week thread.

I've got the feeling I was meant to look something up but I can't remember what and it's bugging me.
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>> No. 427765 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 6:00 pm
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Is it worth putting a cheeky fiver on Boris?
It's a sorry state of affairs when it's more likely to see Boris get ice cream down his shirt than make a good decision for the country.
>> No. 427766 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 6:04 pm
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For 40 pence profit? You're not going to recoup your Eurovision losses like this.
>> No. 427773 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 8:02 pm
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I'm not no good at maths me. If I put a grand on Boris, how much will I make?
>> No. 427775 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 8:31 pm
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About tree fiddy.
>> No. 427776 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 8:40 pm
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>> No. 415204 Anonymous
25th January 2018
Thursday 7:50 pm
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How much of this fair land of ours have you lads actually visited?

I've just been thinking about it and there's so many places in Britain I've never particularly laid my eyes on, especially the scenery and landscapes of Scotland. What are the "hidden gems" here that you would recommend people really should visit at least once in their lives? Unhidden gems too, for that matter.
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>> No. 427710 Anonymous
19th June 2019
Wednesday 12:11 pm
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Purbeck. Direct train from London, plenty remote, and your pick of thatched cottage Airbnbs by the coast.
>> No. 427711 Anonymous
19th June 2019
Wednesday 12:13 pm
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I have almost the same exact question except I'm open to travelling to places by car/motorbike.
>> No. 427712 Anonymous
19th June 2019
Wednesday 12:15 pm
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The bits of Scotland served by good public transport links probably aren't going to fulfill his wish of having as few other people as people, at least that was my experience when I was in the highlands last November. I can't imagine how overcrowded it gets in the warmer months.
>> No. 427719 Anonymous
19th June 2019
Wednesday 2:00 pm
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>> No. 427726 Anonymous
19th June 2019
Wednesday 5:29 pm
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Maybe the Peak District via Sheffield? There are adequate bus links from Sheffield city centre to most of the national park area.

happy fathers day 2.jpg
>> No. 427629 Anonymous
16th June 2019
Sunday 10:24 am
427629 happy fathers day
I didnt remember too.
Expand all images.
>> No. 427630 Anonymous
16th June 2019
Sunday 10:32 am
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At least Fritzl was interested either way, ya know?
>> No. 427631 Anonymous
16th June 2019
Sunday 12:25 pm
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Thanks lad.
>> No. 427634 Anonymous
16th June 2019
Sunday 2:12 pm
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Austrians are an odd bunch.

>> No. 427135 Anonymous
27th May 2019
Monday 9:40 pm
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How many of you old boys have dated non-European? What were your experiences? Were there many instances of "cultural misunderstandings"?
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>> No. 427217 Anonymous
29th May 2019
Wednesday 9:21 pm
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so... you're saying even their ghosts are fat blobs?
>> No. 427218 Anonymous
29th May 2019
Wednesday 9:36 pm
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Yes, that would be one angle of the jokey .gif Anon posted, Anon.
>> No. 427223 Anonymous
30th May 2019
Thursday 1:12 am
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Oh, I just now realised that it's an animated gif.
>> No. 427331 Anonymous
1st June 2019
Saturday 10:41 pm
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>couldn't get her head around how we can be amiable to people we don't like, she didn't like that and thought it was dishonest
Ah, that explains the Russian idea of diplomacy.
>> No. 427381 Anonymous
3rd June 2019
Monday 1:54 pm
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What was so odd about the Lithuanian one?

>> No. 424669 Anonymous
2nd March 2019
Saturday 2:35 pm
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Weekend thread: bangers and mash edition.

If that lad with all the instant mash is about then I may have a business proposition for him; I went a bit overboard buying wholesale bags of Quorn sausages from Farmfoods.
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>> No. 426950 Anonymous
20th May 2019
Monday 2:57 am
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Frank Zappa 6, Hitler 1.

>> No. 426968 Anonymous
20th May 2019
Monday 2:39 pm
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Hitler also has an extinct cockroach named after him.
>> No. 426971 Anonymous
20th May 2019
Monday 3:27 pm
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There's a bleak poetry to that fact.
>> No. 426993 Anonymous
20th May 2019
Monday 9:24 pm
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>> No. 426996 Anonymous
20th May 2019
Monday 10:00 pm
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Shove your Facebook memes up your arse.

>> No. 426723 Anonymous
12th May 2019
Sunday 9:14 pm
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If you could go back in time and give your younger self advice what would it be?
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>> No. 426875 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 6:50 pm
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Katoey, you say?
>> No. 426876 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 6:57 pm
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I know... if it walks like a bloke, and talks like a bloke...
>> No. 426877 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 6:58 pm
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Isn't that just a flowery way of saying tranny. It still identifies them as other. When I assume a lot of them want to be card carrying women.
>> No. 426878 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 7:08 pm
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Aye but my saying is if it looks like a woman, I'm going to fuck them.
>> No. 426879 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 7:16 pm
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>> No. 364298 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 4:47 pm
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ITT: Weird dreams you've had lately.

I actually dreamed last night that I was in Australia, visiting the two blokes from the Foster's adverts in their beach hut. Sure enough, they gave me a Foster's, and I said "cheers, guys"... and then one of them said to me "oh no mayt, we don't say cheers heere. We say 'You little ripper!'"

Quite bizarre... has this dream got any deeper meaning, or have I just been watching too much telly lately?
1996 posts and 174 images omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 426823 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 9:33 pm
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Had an utterly filthy sex dream about a long-time friend who I've never considered very attractive. She's not an uggo or anything, she's just never really caught my eye. But obviously now I've had this dream I definitely want to shag her, just in case she's as rampant as she was in the dream.
>> No. 426830 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 11:43 pm
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I wouldn't call it a 'weird' dream but quite a vivid one where I was shouting at a load of familiar people how I was so sick of being lonely, seen as stupid and useless and subhuman. They seemed taken aback but that was all. Then I woke up.
>> No. 426834 Anonymous ## Mod ##
16th May 2019
Thursday 12:21 am
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2000 posts and 6 years, lads. Crikey. Time for a new thread, should anyone feel like sharing the minutiae of their sub-conscious they can have the honour of making it.
>> No. 426859 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 3:50 pm
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I had a dream that I was part of a small village, we were building this amazing, intricate building, interwoven with stories and thoughts from our deepest subconscious. All the townsfolk were proud of the building, and how it took years to construct. Whenever people visited, they were impressed with the quality and longevity of the work.

Then some cunt came over, barred the doors and set it on fire.

I wonder what it means?
>> No. 426870 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 6:17 pm
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>> No. 426479 Anonymous
7th May 2019
Tuesday 4:54 pm
426479 Name of the song?
Just placed my first ever proper bet. Come on Darude, don't let me down!
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>> No. 426540 Anonymous
8th May 2019
Wednesday 5:48 pm
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>roughly the same sort of person who shares Bake Off memes on Facebook.

I always thought the fan base of Eurovision was mainly poofs. Or do gays do that as well these days?
>> No. 426548 Anonymous
8th May 2019
Wednesday 6:36 pm
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Yesterday you lads had me to throw away a tenner on this and the picture of Greta eating hummus wrong influenced me into eating some myself before bed which, in turn, led to heartburn and a poorly tummy for most of the day.

Is this all part of your masterplan?

What's it like living in a world without campy fun?
>> No. 426558 Anonymous
8th May 2019
Wednesday 10:15 pm
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Is this all part of your masterplan?

>> No. 426808 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 8:41 am
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Did we win?
>> No. 426809 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 11:18 am
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