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>> No. 409690 Anonymous
18th April 2017
Tuesday 10:24 am
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Theresa May is due to make a statement in Downing Street at 11.15am amid speculation the Prime Minister could call an early general election.

Mrs May is scheduled to make her statement immediately following a meeting of her Cabinet. The BBC's political editor Laura Kuenssberg confirmed the news and said such a statement is "only normally used for most serious moments".

Downing Street is yet to comment on what Mrs May will say. Statements outside Number 10 are highly rare and usually reserved for only the most significant announcements.

The last time Mrs May spoke to the nation in front of the famous black door was after she succeeded David Cameron as PM. Meanwhile, Mr Cameron used the setting to announce his resignation in the immediate aftermath of the EU referendum result.


It's either a general election or we're going to war with the North Koreans. Place your bets now.
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>> No. 409844 Anonymous
23rd April 2017
Sunday 3:50 am
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Go on. I'd like to see you explain this one without some nonsense like suggesting that the polls on the last two occasions were "wrong" and without reference to Trump or the Michigan primary.
>> No. 409845 Anonymous
23rd April 2017
Sunday 4:17 am
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You've got the wrong end of the stick m8. Corbyn is unlikely to win even if the polls have underestimated his support to a greater degree than any poll in modern history. That doesn't mean it's impossible for him to win, but it is extremely unlikely. The bookies are saying 20/1, the betting exchanges are saying 40/1, I think it's more like 100/1, but he still has some remote chance.

The fundamental error people make when discussing polls is to round down "unlikely" to "impossible". The polls didn't say that Trump couldn't win, just that he was a 4/1 underdog. The polls aren't saying that Corbyn can't win, just that he's a 100/1 underdog. There's a very big difference between 4/1 and 100/1, but in either case there's still a horse in the race. If you insist on boiling everything down to certainties, then eventually the maths are going to make you look like a tit.

Corbyn is a lame duck, but the people saying that it's "mathematically impossible for him to win" are just plain wrong. That kind of complacency gave Trump a huge advantage and the Tories would be complete fools to make the same mistake. The Tories have a very good chance of winning this election with a large majority, but there are no guarantees and they need to fight for every seat.
>> No. 409846 Anonymous
23rd April 2017
Sunday 4:39 am
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Anyway, enough bickering about polls. Here's something to get you all in the mood.

>> No. 409847 Anonymous
23rd April 2017
Sunday 5:10 am
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I don't have to explain fuck all, because as >>409845 has already told you, you're misunderstanding some very elementary facts.
>> No. 409848 Anonymous
23rd April 2017
Sunday 6:03 am
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>I think it's more like 100/1, but he still has some remote chance.
I think you're overestimating it, because you're pulling numbers out of your arse rather than actually thinking about it. There are two things you need to think about. First off, consider what has to happen for him to win. Then, assuming that the polls are somewhere in the vague vicinity of the correct answer, consider how that has to happen. (Hint: You need to Tories to lose votes that cost them seats while also gaining votes that don't win them seats.)

There's no comparison to Trump here. Pundits basically disregarded the evidence before them and declared that he didn't have a path to the White House, when not only did he have one but also the odds weren't particularly long either. Nate Silver put it at 30%, and it's a stretch to call that unlikely. For Corbyn, that's just not there. His path to Number 10 as it stands right now is to pick up seats on at best the same and at worst a lower vote share.

>The fundamental error people make when discussing polls is to round down "unlikely" to "impossible".
No, the fundamental error people make when discussing polls is to round down "not the most likely" to "unlikely". That's the mistake people made with Trump, and the mistake they made with Brexit. It's the mistake they're still making in regard to France, by insisting that the only likely outcome later today is a run-off between Le Pen and Macron.

>> No. 409828 Anonymous
23rd April 2017
Sunday 12:47 am
409828 We're all twats to some degree, but what makes you feel like a twat?
I used to be very awkward when meeting new people, but found that making jokes was a good way to contribute to conversations without getting properly involved. Over like 10 years I became really funny, and now during the laughter I just reflect on how much of a twat I am, smiling like a smug twat/laughing at my own jokes because if I don't react then I have no idea what to do, the only options are staring at people while they laugh or looking at the floor like I'm ashamed. Which I am, because when you're good at something it feels weird to revel in it.

Are you funny? Do you feel like a twat when you are?
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>> No. 409829 Anonymous
23rd April 2017
Sunday 12:50 am
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I'm funny in a sarcastic way which means I'm not really funny but people laugh anyway.
>> No. 409834 Anonymous
23rd April 2017
Sunday 1:06 am
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I know what you mean, it's just easy and people like it. It's not funny per se, it's just saying it invokes a response of laughter in the social situation, kind of out of habit, but it's not actually funny.
>> No. 409839 Anonymous
23rd April 2017
Sunday 1:46 am
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How can I become like you? At least you don't die a thousand deaths in social situations. Tell me how to be funny. Do I watch comedians?
>> No. 409840 Anonymous
23rd April 2017
Sunday 1:52 am
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I laugh maniacally and immediately at my own jokes, which means I probably should feel like a twat, but simply do not care to do so. I mean, why should I be the only one not getting something out of my own jokes? I am a comedy Marxist, and I will be damned if you're stealing my labour, you laughter bourgeoisie.

I've realised self confidence, for me at least, is just telling myself I'm great fun and if people don't like me it's their fault, so I don't really care what they think. Again, possible another sign of a completely broken personality. However, I do think it's improving how I interact with people I don't know very well as time goes by, which is something I've been quite poor at because of the many, many, many years I spent crying under a towel in the corner of my bedroom. That's something that does not make you a fun person, regardless of what comedians might try to tell you; or at least not that alone.

To actually bother answering your question, OP, I do sometimes feel like a twat, but I'm learning not to, because anxiety and shame are just the displaced fear of death, and as someone who will never, ever die, I no longer need to acquaint myself with these feelings.

I'm also quite happy to look like a bit of a twat for comedy's sake, like when I got into an argument about Israel with nine other people in central Manchester, or shouting about interdimensional aliens in the pub while the people at the next table were trying to enjoy their dessert course. But hey, if you can't handle the truth over a poached pear, then good luck coping when the fucking Fourth Reich bursts out of the hollow Earth and begins mulching you into protein paste for the sixty foot tall Alpha Draconis Reptilians, you fucking sheeple!

>> No. 409802 Anonymous
21st April 2017
Friday 7:24 pm
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I got into a discussion today over acceptable sentence length that I know you lads will enjoy. What rules do you try to stick to on this topic?

Personally I aim for between 30-40 as an absolute cap but it seems common that people apply the 25 words or fewer rule. Now I know that I am one of those people who is prone to writing long meandering sentences that don't go anywhere but I can't imagine writing on any serious topic using a cap of 25 words. Short sentences always generalize everything.
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>> No. 409810 Anonymous
22nd April 2017
Saturday 3:06 pm
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Do you want to be understood, or do you want people to think you're clever?

The average person has much poorer reading comprehension than you might expect. Literacy problems are widespread, but people are also distracted and short of time. The majority of English speakers are non-native. Most text is skimmed rather than read. If your ideas matter, then you owe it to yourself to express those ideas in a clear and concise way.

Varied sentence length is justified. The evidence clearly shows that the ideal range is five to 25 words. The longer a sentence, the harder it is to interpret. Long sentences consume precious mental resources that your readers could be using to understand your ideas.

>> No. 409811 Anonymous
22nd April 2017
Saturday 3:15 pm
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>Do you want to be understood, or do you want people to think you're clever?
On .gs usually the latter.
>> No. 409815 Anonymous
22nd April 2017
Saturday 5:59 pm
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I tend to take a different approach when it comes to my work. Short simple sentences might well be ideal for instruction manuals (or maybe not) but it loses out on some of the abstraction and vision that your ideas have if you write in a laconic fashion.

The aim I have is to do more than share an idea but also project a mindset which I've found creates much more engrossing writing as a side effect. To go back to instruction manuals it is more than "screw x to y" but also giving a sense of my thinking so you don't just know how to put this bookshelf together but also gain an insight into the underlying logic behind all bookshelf assembly.

Reading this over my suspicion is that I'm just channelling Pirsig and I think Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance is a good example of this. You don't learn much of anything about motorcycle maintenance but at the same time you do learn how to approach the topic on a much more fundamental level.

>The average person has much poorer reading comprehension than you might expect. Literacy problems are widespread, but people are also distracted and short of time. The majority of English speakers are non-native. Most text is skimmed rather than read.

Fuck 'em.
>> No. 409817 Anonymous
22nd April 2017
Saturday 7:24 pm
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So you just want to feel clever without actually saying anything worthwhile?

Have you considered writing for the CIF Guardian?
>> No. 409819 Anonymous
22nd April 2017
Saturday 7:44 pm
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> Most text is skimmed rather than read.

Proper text skim reading is an art form though. There are people who just briefly skim over a text and will have forgotten nearly every detail five minutes later, and there are those that skim over a text and actually gain a lasting functional understanding of it.

If you go to uni and study something textbook heavy like social sciences or economics, you will have no choice but to somehow teach yourself to read and comprehend huge volumes of text in a very short time. Some advanced-level exams require 1000 pages worth of reading, and you will have two or three of those every semester.

I still annoy people with that ability. Especially when I am sitting at the computer with my mum or dad and we're reading something together on the Internet. My dad in particular keeps saying, "How can you honestly grasp the meaning of a text just by scrolling through it like that?"

>> No. 409437 Anonymous
6th April 2017
Thursday 5:19 pm
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It's that time of year again, lads.

Pick your filly.





Tomorrow is Ladies Day. This is the warm up.
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>> No. 409592 Anonymous
9th April 2017
Sunday 9:11 pm
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Those ones are probably disgusting but that's a great concept.
>> No. 409593 Anonymous
9th April 2017
Sunday 9:12 pm
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I don't normally bother with any frozen food, but that looks tempting.
>> No. 409594 Anonymous
9th April 2017
Sunday 10:10 pm
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IIRC, a few years back one of their top sellers at Christmas was sweet chilli prawns coated in Rice Krispies so they've been trying all sorts of 'fusion cuisine' in the hope of another hit.
>> No. 409597 Anonymous
11th April 2017
Tuesday 10:22 am
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Fusion cuisine, eh?

Not sure I'd go to Iceland for that.
>> No. 409808 Anonymous
22nd April 2017
Saturday 11:07 am
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I'd doink the bird in the OP picture

>> No. 409155 Anonymous
23rd March 2017
Thursday 2:08 am
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So my friend and I went into a KFC tonight to get out of the rain until it hit 12 and our money went in.

No sooner than I'd got my mobile out to use the WiFi some black kid comes over and pretends to want to know the time. My spidey senses were tingling so I put my phone in my inside pocket, zipped up my jacket and told him it was half eleven.

He then proceeds to ask us our names and asks if we are the police and what we are doing there if we aren't eating. My knob of a mate tells him we are waiting to get paid. Kid then starts trying to push drugs on us, which I declined saying I don't use, which was a lie but anyway.

Then he fucking says that he doesn't like white people chilling near him and says "look what I've got" lifting up the flap of his jacket pocket revealing a fucking razor sharp filleting knife.

I instantly got up to leave and my idiot mate hadn't even noticed so I had to drag him away.

I'm fucking livid. Imagine if a white person had done the same to him or another black person? There'd be cries of dolphin rape.


This really has lessened my opinions of blacks even further.
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>> No. 409757 Anonymous
19th April 2017
Wednesday 2:20 am
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>Are you telling me it doesn't smack at all of fiction to you?
I've had very similar experiences myself.
>Dodgy cunts come in all colours.
People alone aren't the problem really. It's crowds. Ruminate on that before you reply asking something stupid.
>> No. 409773 Anonymous
19th April 2017
Wednesday 1:38 pm
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>What's worse: a crowd of whites or a crowd of laplanders?
>What's heavier: a tonne of bricks or a tonne of feathers?

Bore off you belligerent bigot.
>> No. 409799 Anonymous
20th April 2017
Thursday 10:48 pm
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Your words have no power over me.
>> No. 409800 Anonymous
21st April 2017
Friday 5:53 am
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Are you saying you are not "One who is strongly partial to one's own group, religion, race, or politics and is intolerant of those who differ."?
>> No. 409801 Anonymous
21st April 2017
Friday 9:41 am
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He can say he's not until the cows come home. I'm not a fan of this recent trend to declare everything that might step outside the boundaries of social conduct as "racist" but tarring anybody that isn't white with the brush of inferiority as it were is textbook bigotry and just not very nice really. Have a word with yourself, >>409799

>> No. 409787 Anonymous
20th April 2017
Thursday 6:30 pm
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I took this quiz about aspostrophes and thought of you lads.


Will you accept the challenge?
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>> No. 409794 Anonymous
20th April 2017
Thursday 7:46 pm
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Same. Fuck them.
>> No. 409795 Anonymous
20th April 2017
Thursday 8:12 pm
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I didn't think that rule was limited to Biblical names.

"I have James' pen" looks more correct than "I have James's pen" to me by far.
>> No. 409796 Anonymous
20th April 2017
Thursday 10:09 pm
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I don't get why "Jesus' crash helmet" is acceptable but "Richard Harris' spats" isn't. Why do those biblical bastards get special treatment?
>> No. 409797 Anonymous
20th April 2017
Thursday 10:11 pm
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>> No. 409798 Anonymous
20th April 2017
Thursday 10:14 pm
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Apparently both are acceptable.

>> No. 407828 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 1:36 pm
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Weekend thread? Weekend thread.

How's it going, lads?
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>> No. 409662 Anonymous
16th April 2017
Sunday 7:46 pm
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I'm moaning this post for being unfunny but thank you at least for reminding me of the most I've ever laughed in my life, which was watching Team America in the cinema with the ladm8s when I was 16 or so. For a child of the 9/11 generation it was perfection. Fuck yeah!
>> No. 409685 Anonymous
17th April 2017
Monday 11:07 pm
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Time to dig out the DVD for a rewatch.
>> No. 409686 Anonymous
17th April 2017
Monday 11:21 pm
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Only the Daily Mirror would afford an announcement of eight pages of Easter puzzles nearly as much space on page one as the news that there might very realistically be a nuclear war.

Hey, you need to have something to keep your mind off the end of the world while you're inside your nuclear bunker. Might as well be Easter puzzles.
>> No. 409715 Anonymous
18th April 2017
Tuesday 2:10 pm
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It won't involve us so it isn't a real problem.
>> No. 409726 Anonymous
18th April 2017
Tuesday 4:20 pm
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Ignorance is bliss.

>> No. 409675 Anonymous
17th April 2017
Monday 12:38 pm
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I've noticed that on .gs we occasionally get a teenager wander in at well past midnight to yell about Marxist bogeymen for some reason. It doesn't seem confined to us either but lately everywhere seems to get them.

The natives will occasionally respond, perhaps to point out some factual inaccuracy (as is the internet's way) but the only reply they receive is some semi-coherent and infuriating reply like "aww didums". What's all that about and how do we put a stop it?
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>> No. 409679 Anonymous
17th April 2017
Monday 3:09 pm
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We definitely need more bans for people who disagree with the party line. Curse those teenlads for disrupting this cosy leftist hugbox.
>> No. 409680 Anonymous
17th April 2017
Monday 4:13 pm
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The shit grammar and the stupid fucking meme-speak is more piss-boiling than the brain dead politics, you dopey 4channer.
>> No. 409681 Anonymous
17th April 2017
Monday 4:53 pm
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It is getting a bit boring, tbh.
>> No. 409682 Anonymous
17th April 2017
Monday 5:07 pm
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The .gs socialists are mostly old cunts, OP. Today's teenager is not exposed to good old-fashioned politics.

Your youth is showing, OP. Only twenty-one year olds whinge about teenlads.
>> No. 409683 Anonymous
17th April 2017
Monday 5:30 pm
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It'd be fine if it wasn't for what >>409680 brought up. We've had people voice different opinions before but when it's poorly put together with spelling errors, meme-speak, terrible punctuation and filter dodging then it becomes hard to ignore that kind of stupidity.

>> No. 405839 Anonymous
19th October 2016
Wednesday 2:31 pm
405839 Mid-week thread
Mid-week thread?

Mid-week thread.

What are you lot up to?
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>> No. 409614 Anonymous
12th April 2017
Wednesday 7:28 pm
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Buses don't have shoulders.
>> No. 409615 Anonymous
12th April 2017
Wednesday 7:29 pm
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Congrats lad. The problem with this country is that there aren't nearly enough stubborn buggers left any more.

My Grandad was the stubbornest bugger your were ever likely to meet (it helps that he was Scottish) and I always strive to be as stubborn (but slightly less buggery) as he was.
>> No. 409619 Anonymous
13th April 2017
Thursday 3:15 pm
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I don't know. Being stubborn is one reason why my life is such an /emo/ mess.

I might open up an emo thread one of these days to explain.
>> No. 409620 Anonymous
13th April 2017
Thursday 4:49 pm
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Do it, you'll feel better for spilling your guts.
>> No. 409621 Anonymous
13th April 2017
Thursday 5:59 pm
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98% of weight now at a friends and a trolley down to the new place to move everything over the weekend. Trolley because I don't actually live in the UK anymore.

But yeah, 75% of shit done, because I am stubborn, rather than a pussy. This has set be back 2 quid so far. 4 quid for the taxi, makes a princely total of 6 quid to move house.

irish man abroad.png
>> No. 409275 Anonymous
26th March 2017
Sunday 6:35 pm
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As a strong independent Irishman who don't need no imperial measurements or royal family, would I be welcome on this board?
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>> No. 409484 Anonymous
7th April 2017
Friday 10:47 am
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Only in Ireland.
>> No. 409485 Anonymous
7th April 2017
Friday 12:57 pm
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Not really.
>> No. 409570 Anonymous
8th April 2017
Saturday 10:29 pm
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>“He could drink any man under the table,” she said. But could he drink 30? “Definitely.”

>30 Pints or More a Day

>Thirty pints is a huge quantity of alcohol. But if the stories are to be believed, it’s hardly the record for a Smithfield cattleman.

>“Forty or fifty” pints would be an impressive tally in the eyes of Mick Kavanagh, who was enjoying a pint of stout over a copy of the Herald in Hynes’s.

>He’s seen it done, he says. “These would be men who died in their forties,” he said.

What to say...
>> No. 409608 Anonymous
12th April 2017
Wednesday 12:41 pm
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I've known guys like this growing up in Kerry in the 80s, they could drink all day, 30 or more pints no problem. When I went back down there in my 20s they were all either dead or looked 70 at the age of 55
>> No. 409611 Anonymous
12th April 2017
Wednesday 5:23 pm
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One of my dad's cousins was a bad alcoholic. Started drinking in his youth, and in his mid 50s, he was put in a care home because he was mentally unable to function on his own anmyore. He developed Alzheimer's at a relatively early age, and died of liver cancer a few years later. Sad case, really. The alcohol just destroyed his life. He was married twice in his younger years, when his alcoholism wasn't as debilitating, but both his ex wives and their children refused to keep in regular contact with him. My dad was one of the few people who stuck by him, because they had been quite close ever since they were little.

>> No. 408833 Anonymous
3rd March 2017
Friday 7:10 pm
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I've been wondering about the age demographics on .gs as we seem to be older and more cantankerous fellows than the average imageboard circle.

I can't remember if there has been a poll done before but I'm sure we have all aged since any previous one. Would you mind answering this so we can all learn something?
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>> No. 409602 Anonymous
11th April 2017
Tuesday 7:00 pm
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Ugh, I managed 4 hours sleep last night so apologies for an incomprehensible first sentence. I was comparing myself to the 19 year-old me, who likely would've proofread his post before making such an egregious error. I'll shuffle off now.
>> No. 409609 Anonymous
12th April 2017
Wednesday 2:15 pm
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I am exactly 25, and I've been coming here since at least 2010. In fact some of my old posts still linger, and I cringe reading ny teenlad writings.
>> No. 409610 Anonymous
12th April 2017
Wednesday 2:29 pm
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I often cringe shortly after pressing submit.
>> No. 409613 Anonymous
12th April 2017
Wednesday 7:20 pm
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I often start cringing halfway through the middle of a sentence. Britfa is full of the ghosts of the hundreds of posts I could never bring myself to submit.
>> No. 409616 Anonymous
12th April 2017
Wednesday 7:48 pm
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I sometimes find myself cringing before I submit a post. But then I press submit anyway because sharing is caring. Case-in-point ...

>> No. 409287 Anonymous
28th March 2017
Tuesday 6:22 pm
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Well aren't you lads a bunch of wisecracking chucklefucks?

You'll never guess who I saw today? The lad from the Oak Furnitureland adverts. You know, Green the mod in real life. So I goes up to "Green" and I drop a few subtle Britfa links. You know the sort of thing, ambulancelad, bike thief, crab killer. Only he isn't picking up on these hints. Not to worry I thinks, so I try some of the more old school things with all the subtlety of a brick to the face.

"That's a fine beast, have you knotted it yet?"

Nothing. Actually, worse than nothing. He starts looking at me as if I'm some sort of fruitloop or sex pest. This lad isn't Green at all, is he? This is someone's idea of an UTTERLY HILARIOUS JOKE, isn't it? Top notch bantz, lads. Top notch. You've made me look a right fool in front of a real person.
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>> No. 409355 Anonymous
1st April 2017
Saturday 3:37 pm
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That wouldn't surprise me in the slightest.
>> No. 409386 Anonymous
2nd April 2017
Sunday 3:19 pm
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On the subject of knotting, it's more complicated than you might think. Just keep your hands clear.
>> No. 409599 Anonymous
11th April 2017
Tuesday 1:37 pm
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I didn't realise that men who enjoy watching dogs fuck women actually fuck the woman afterwards, whilst she'll be full of doggy cum.

A female pensioner who was filmed having sex with dogs has been spared jail by a judge. Carol Bowditch, 64, had sex with a St Bernard, a black labrador and an Alsatian claiming later she did not realise that it was illegal.

Her activities were exposed as a result of an RAF Police investigation which centred on a man identified as organising a bizarre sex party . Owners watched their dogs having sex with women, who then had sex with the men. Details of the event were later posted on an internet forum specialising in bestiality.

"Included was an eight minute and 59 seconds video of Mrs Bowditch engaging in vaginal and oral sex with a St Bernard dog named Oscar."

>> No. 409600 Anonymous
11th April 2017
Tuesday 6:05 pm
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I have no words. Except that people really are strange.

Oh, and incidentally before I wrote 'strange' my autocorrect suggested the words 'nuts', 'awesome' and 'off'. Which one is more accurate?
>> No. 409603 Anonymous
11th April 2017
Tuesday 7:02 pm
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Fair play to her, I wouldn't have the nerve.

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>> No. 409566 Anonymous
8th April 2017
Saturday 8:28 pm
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Where can I post a NSFW but educational video with naked willies? I want to have serious discussions about it.
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>> No. 409567 Anonymous
8th April 2017
Saturday 8:51 pm
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>> No. 409568 Anonymous
8th April 2017
Saturday 8:59 pm
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>> No. 409569 Anonymous
8th April 2017
Saturday 9:17 pm
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Definately a vicar.

>> No. 409417 Anonymous
4th April 2017
Tuesday 10:09 pm
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What's this, then? "LOCUS IN DOMOS LOCI POPULUM"? "A room in houses of a place in the people"?
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>> No. 409432 Anonymous
5th April 2017
Wednesday 11:45 pm
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Latiin grafitti is not new in Cambridge, and this is essentially why.
>> No. 409433 Anonymous
6th April 2017
Thursday 6:42 am
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So this person wants houses for the people, but decided to state this in a dead language only a privileged few can read?
>> No. 409434 Anonymous
6th April 2017
Thursday 7:33 am
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Is that water based paint, carefully only applied to the easily washable surfaces rather than brickwork? Odd.
>> No. 409435 Anonymous
6th April 2017
Thursday 10:50 am
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The message is intended to be read by the privileged few, so it makes sense to use their language.
>> No. 409436 Anonymous
6th April 2017
Thursday 11:50 am
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It's interesting to remember that Latin was once also the language of the common people in the Roman Empire.


Seems like even 2,000 years ago, people were struggling with their grammar:

>Some of the mistakes in Roman graffiti are comfortingly basic. One writer in Pompeii confuses his accusatives with this nominatives, writing pupa mea (‘my little girl’), when he should have said pupam meam. In Sallust’s house in Pompeii, someone really mangles his Latin, turning quae bella es (‘you who are beautiful’) into que bela is. Bottom of the class, Sallust!

I kind of really like this line:

>Quisquis amat valeat, pereat qui nescit amare, bis tanto pereat, quisquis amare vetat.

>“Let whoever loves prosper; but let the person who doesn’t know how to love die. And let him die twice who forbids love.”
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