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>> No. 421268 Anonymous
16th October 2018
Tuesday 11:06 pm
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A m8 of mine delivers food in London and he wants to protect himself from youths after his steed.

He already has a massive chain and padlock but apparently it's not as effective of a weapon as it seems because of the recovery time after each defensive action when faced by multiple youths. What's his best option for an innocuous tool that he can attach to his scooter that would come in handy in an emergency?
20 posts and 2 images omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 421312 Anonymous
18th October 2018
Thursday 7:59 pm
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>>421308

A petrol reservoir under the seat that can be set remotely to combust and fire a 'piston' right up through the seat.

I'll call it the Bum Bandit.
>> No. 421313 Anonymous
18th October 2018
Thursday 8:51 pm
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>>421312

I had a bum bandit once, but it was fine after I replaced the head gasket and cleaned the carbs.
>> No. 421314 Anonymous
18th October 2018
Thursday 11:07 pm
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>>421313

I've been reading Zen and the art of motor cycle matance if this is real that might explain why the authors son is constantly agitated.
>> No. 421315 Anonymous
19th October 2018
Friday 12:57 am
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>>421314
>> No. 421329 Anonymous
19th October 2018
Friday 5:38 pm
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>>421279
This is appalling.

That's what a lack of police resources will do. Also I didn't realize they can knock them off. I heard somewhere that the police can't pursue mopeds but that may just be with the driver without a helmet on.

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>> No. 418310 Anonymous
2nd July 2018
Monday 1:01 pm
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New week thread.

What is happening in your life?
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>> No. 421324 Anonymous
19th October 2018
Friday 1:03 pm
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>>421323
Rat killer, friend of biketheiflad and Crab killer.
>> No. 421325 Anonymous
19th October 2018
Friday 1:30 pm
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>>421323

Best way to catch a rat is with a long box or cardboard poster tube. What you do is place it by the edge of the wall in the opposite direction from where you are coming at the rat. When you spook the rat it will run for the nearest place that it thinks you can't get to it, which will be in the box/tube.
>> No. 421326 Anonymous
19th October 2018
Friday 1:31 pm
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>>421322

that is a pretty good treat.
>> No. 421327 Anonymous
19th October 2018
Friday 3:04 pm
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>>421321
I honestly didn't know you could get an Asian girl with an English lass's arse. Like all the bulk went to her chest first and left nothing behind.

Pun intentional.
>> No. 421328 Anonymous
19th October 2018
Friday 3:11 pm
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>>421324
Let's not forget the fiendish Beach-Litterer

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>> No. 364298 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 4:47 pm
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ITT: Weird dreams you've had lately.

I actually dreamed last night that I was in Australia, visiting the two blokes from the Foster's adverts in their beach hut. Sure enough, they gave me a Foster's, and I said "cheers, guys"... and then one of them said to me "oh no mayt, we don't say cheers heere. We say 'You little ripper!'"

Quite bizarre... has this dream got any deeper meaning, or have I just been watching too much telly lately?
1615 posts and 125 images omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 421261 Anonymous
16th October 2018
Tuesday 12:49 am
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>>421259




>> No. 421262 Anonymous
16th October 2018
Tuesday 12:58 am
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>> No. 421263 Anonymous
16th October 2018
Tuesday 12:59 am
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Last night I dreamed I was somewhere with my last real ex, of four or five years ago. Sitting on stairs I hugged her and whispered "I still love you". She whispered back "I know" then threw up watery vomit on my shoulder. Even though I initiated ending it, it doesn't seem to be getting any better or letting up at all. I can't find or build any attachment like that to anyone else in order to move on. This is just how I live now.
>> No. 421264 Anonymous
16th October 2018
Tuesday 1:07 am
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For the Susie Dent fans:


>> No. 421267 Anonymous
16th October 2018
Tuesday 8:55 pm
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>>421262


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=peLXmKePK-Q

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>> No. 420674 Anonymous
28th September 2018
Friday 5:39 pm
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Weekend thread: low sun being a cunt edition.
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>> No. 421228 Anonymous
14th October 2018
Sunday 7:16 pm
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>>421227

You should have winked and invited her back to your place, then had some tea and scones with her. You thought I was going to say "and then piss in her arse" didn't you? You sick fucks.
>> No. 421229 Anonymous
14th October 2018
Sunday 8:01 pm
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>>421228
>You thought I was going to say "and then piss in her arse" didn't you?
Well, no, because it goes without saying, doesn't it?
>> No. 421230 Anonymous
14th October 2018
Sunday 9:09 pm
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>>421221

>Reds are definitely better for gaming, but they're less than ideal for typing.

I've read this a lot, but my question is, is it still better for typing than a standard cheapo dome keyboard by miles, even on reds?

As it happens my research did lean me towards (MX) browns with o-rings. I'll look into Gateron, for sure.

This is all very exhausting. I'm convinced whatever it is I'll get used to it. If I can type on a Macbook Pro chiclet I can type on anything.
>> No. 421239 Anonymous
15th October 2018
Monday 12:11 pm
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>>421207
I got recommended something called buzzfeedblue once.
I would have ignored it and moved on if not that fit brunette lass they have.
I'd buzz her blue, aye.
>> No. 421246 Anonymous
15th October 2018
Monday 9:43 pm
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>>421239

Their true crime stuff is quite entertaining.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVAvUrL_VQiPeLg4qvBFnsdW4KBESD3Xt

It does provoke the recommendations algorithm to recommend you a load of other Buzzfeed shite though.

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>> No. 420448 Anonymous
20th September 2018
Thursday 5:54 pm
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Right then, you moangy farts.

How do we make Britfa.gs great again? You've been whining about the lack of activity so let's have at it.
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>> No. 421187 Anonymous
12th October 2018
Friday 10:16 pm
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>>421186

It works alright in luddite mode, but formatting can get a bit funky. Tiny text and the like.
>> No. 421188 Anonymous
12th October 2018
Friday 10:23 pm
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>>421186
I have a lot of trouble seeing what I'm writing as the Message container tends to move offscreen or under the keyboard whenever I open the thing.
>> No. 421189 Anonymous
12th October 2018
Friday 10:31 pm
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>>421188
Which mode are you using?

http://britfa.gs/o/
>> No. 421190 Anonymous
12th October 2018
Friday 10:51 pm
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>>421188

I have the exact same problem.
>> No. 421195 Anonymous
13th October 2018
Saturday 9:06 am
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>>421189
It was on normal. Luddite's a lot better.

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>> No. 418197 Anonymous
27th June 2018
Wednesday 1:20 am
418197 Things which are mildly amusing but not enough to warrant their own thread.
I was in a meeting tonight and two people walked in late during a minute's silence. I was just thinking how truly weird it must have been for them to walk in and everyone was sitting there in dead silence.
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>> No. 419691 Anonymous
19th August 2018
Sunday 5:25 pm
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>>419672
Your mum is so fat Thanos had to snap twice.
>> No. 419698 Anonymous
20th August 2018
Monday 12:49 am
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>>419691

Your mum is so fat, time slows down when you get near her.
>> No. 421059 Anonymous
5th October 2018
Friday 5:16 am
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I was at a meeting yesterday with someone called Peter Knight.
>> No. 421149 Anonymous
10th October 2018
Wednesday 8:44 pm
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I work with a French guy, often after hanging up on customers he quietly signs off with "off you fuck".
>> No. 421183 Anonymous
12th October 2018
Friday 7:33 pm
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>>421059

I was at a company retreat once where somebody from another office introduced himself as Richard Ryder.

He insisted on being called Richard.

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>> No. 420703 Anonymous
29th September 2018
Saturday 12:10 pm
420703 Kids
How does .gs feel about children? It's a topic I don't think I've ever seen discussed on here before.

Not that it's remotely on the cards for me right now, but I really don't want children of my own, at least not right now, which is odd, because about a year or two a go I felt basically the opposite. I think my initial "I would like kids" feeling came about after worrying that if I left it too late I'd up with old man spaff that would produce a terrible, half porpoise child, but that's not really a problem if you don't have them to begin with.
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>> No. 421131 Anonymous
9th October 2018
Tuesday 8:54 pm
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My daughter's brought home a letter about a school trip. £235 for a two night residential. Fuck sake. She's only in Year 4.
>> No. 421133 Anonymous
9th October 2018
Tuesday 9:01 pm
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>>420962
Bill Bryson:

>When I made reference to someone in Britain attending a state school, an American researcher said to me: "But I didn't think they had states in Britain."

>"I meant state in the rather broader sense of nation state."

>"So you mean public schools?"

>"Well, no, because public schools in Britain are private schools."

>Long pause. "You're kidding."

>"It's a well-known fact."

Message too long. Click here to view the full text.
>> No. 421134 Anonymous
9th October 2018
Tuesday 9:24 pm
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>>421131
They seem to be doing stuff like that a lot younger nowadays. Same with proms and leavers hoodies. It's weird seeing primary school kids doing this stuff that people wouldn't be doing until they were 16. Maybe I'm just jealous I missed out on all that stuff.
>> No. 421135 Anonymous
9th October 2018
Tuesday 9:32 pm
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>>421134
Her brother's at a different school and the only time he had a residential trip was in Year 6, which was about £265 for three nights. Then again, he's off to France with Scouts next year and that's £300 for a full week.

I've got the feeling her school do a longer residential trip in Year 6. Fuck sake.
>> No. 421145 Anonymous
10th October 2018
Wednesday 3:27 pm
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>>421133
In my humble opinion, Bill Bryson's exhaustive research into trivial 'that's interesting' things is easily and objectively the most boring thing anyone has ever written. Besides asoiaf.

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>> No. 420986 Anonymous
3rd October 2018
Wednesday 7:41 pm
420986 The year is 2018 and a new dance craze is sweeping the globe, this isn't it Locked
No one else has posted this anywhere yet so I thought I would shitfuck the board up a bit.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoYi6IkOMaA
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>> No. 421082 Anonymous
5th October 2018
Friday 6:21 pm
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>>421077
Someone screaming that what we're chatting about somehow "doesn't count" whilst contributing absolutely nothing relevant to the topic certainly helps.
>> No. 421084 Anonymous
5th October 2018
Friday 7:08 pm
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>>421079
>For what it's worth, "sensible politicians" lad didn't credibly back up his assertions either.
Exactly which assertions were those?
>> No. 421094 Anonymous
6th October 2018
Saturday 10:44 am
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If you think showing your working is more important than getting the right answer in something as ad-hoc as politics, you can bugger off.
>> No. 421095 Anonymous
6th October 2018
Saturday 1:32 pm
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>>421094
How exactly do you propose to know you've got the right answer?
>> No. 421096 Anonymous
6th October 2018
Saturday 2:15 pm
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>>421094
It is arguably the single most important thing when it comes to anything not black and white. Showing your working is how you justify yourself and exhibit that you've used reason and logic to reach your conclusion.

This thread is now beyond irredeemable. Congratulations, you cunts. You're exiled to /pol/. Again.

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>> No. 420756 Anonymous
29th September 2018
Saturday 9:14 pm
420756 THE PINK MIST
Any ladm7s watch gore? In my day it was the secret snuff VHS which had the social implications of handling underground weapons grade uranium but now thanks to the internet you can see Mexican cartels chopping up people alive and Indians chopped in half on railway tracks.
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>> No. 420921 Anonymous
1st October 2018
Monday 8:55 pm
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>>420873

Anecdotally I found myself drawn to gore websites a few times when I was going through alcohol withdrawals. I've no idea why, but it makes me think you really must have something squiffy upstairs if you go out of your way to find it.

To a certain extent it's just normal morbid curiosity which I imagine gets satisfied quite quickly for most people. I too remember rotten.com - that photo of the guy who tried and failed suicide via shotgun always stuck with me. If you're ever going to do this, don't just stick it under your chin like in the pictures and assume it'll end quickly. You might just end up perfectly alive albeit with no face. And also please don't try to kill yourselves in the first place.

Anyway I haven't looked at gore for a long time, I found out long ago what dead people look like and I've no compulsion to see more. Ironically the worst thing I've ever watched was linked to a forum I'm a member of very recently. It was a video of a cartel victim who'd had his hands cut off and the bleeding stopped with wire. As he weakly struggled on the floor whining and gurgling away, two men were literally pulling the skin off his face after (I presume) making an incision around the neck without severing any arteries. I decided not to watch the whole thing and regretted following the link really.

It doesn't haunt my dreams or anything but it does concern me that schoolboys could just as easily be exposed to it like I was. It would've given me nightmares at that age.
>> No. 420926 Anonymous
1st October 2018
Monday 9:39 pm
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>>420921
That vid gets rather worse since funky town starts playing in the background (I shit you not) Now I can't help but think of that poor bastard with no hands or face whenever I hear it.
>> No. 420933 Anonymous
1st October 2018
Monday 10:35 pm
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theync.com has good gore but it's full of porn, great comment sections. Goregrish is good, Bestgore is ok .
>> No. 420935 Anonymous
1st October 2018
Monday 11:13 pm
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>>420933
Define good and OK in the context of gore. Do they have something going for them other than desentising me to watching people burn alive? I’m not being a dick, I just like context when I see something horrible to help try and digest it.
>> No. 420985 Anonymous
3rd October 2018
Wednesday 6:52 pm
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>>420933

>theync.com has good gore but it's full of porn

I don't understand why this is a problem.

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>> No. 420821 Anonymous
30th September 2018
Sunday 9:39 pm
420821 Uncle Boris
I've seen Boris Johnson while strolling through Birmingham, he was directing a pitiful Remain rally. I never thought that he was so short, he's even shorter than me and grotesquely obese. Also, he acts and speaks like a retard. There were two (2) armed security agents with him, but they were more interested in chatting with the tourists than in guarding him. He just looked like an useless, obese, mentally damaged old uncle, the one that you pretend to listen to in a family gathering to humour him. He just looked obsolete, useless, the kind of person that will be forgotten five minutes after his funeral, it's difficult to explain. Sage for bad English and confused thought patterns.
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>> No. 420974 Anonymous
3rd October 2018
Wednesday 12:18 pm
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I have a friend who works in the treasury and described George Osborne as a smug cocky wanker when he was giving a speech to the staff.
>> No. 420975 Anonymous
3rd October 2018
Wednesday 12:34 pm
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>>420974
He wasn't wrong.
>> No. 420977 Anonymous
3rd October 2018
Wednesday 2:21 pm
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>>420974

One of my friends used to work part time for a catering service, and one time, they were hired for a campaign event for Gordon Brown's 2010 election campaign. He got to meet Gordon Brown in person in the VIP area, where Gordon Brown had a quick chat with all the staff. My friend said he quite honestly never met a person who was as dull, boring and wooden as him.
>> No. 420978 Anonymous
3rd October 2018
Wednesday 4:17 pm
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>>420968

I hope this is real because it genuinely made me laugh too.
>> No. 420984 Anonymous
3rd October 2018
Wednesday 6:50 pm
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>>420978

I promise you it's real. I'd be very surprised if I didn't post about it on here back then. I think was two or three years ago.

He does seem to still love the film though, he posts references to it on his social media and likes all the related comments.

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>> No. 420308 Anonymous
15th September 2018
Saturday 9:54 pm
420308 ARTICLE 13
Why I voted leave. Hope the fucking EU gets yeeted.
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>> No. 420758 Anonymous
29th September 2018
Saturday 9:48 pm
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>>420406

>I think the problem is still that there are many computer illiterates in power and in office in Brussels.
>the problem is still that there are many illiterates in power in office in Brussels.
>Iproblem is Brussels.
>> No. 420772 Anonymous
30th September 2018
Sunday 1:33 am
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>>420331
Let's pretend we were outside the EU. Lobbyists come to ARE SOVRIN parliament with the exact same law.

It still gets passed anyway.

Do keep up, lad.
>> No. 420787 Anonymous
30th September 2018
Sunday 1:18 pm
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>>420772
That, and we'd still be subject to the law passed in the EU - any website we used that was based in the EU (Facebook, for example, has servers in Ireland) would be subject to that. We simply are not important enough to get our own stuff. It's like >900W vacuum cleaners -- manufacturers are highly unlikely to make something just for the UK market, so we'll get EU spec ones anyway.
>> No. 420790 Anonymous
30th September 2018
Sunday 2:00 pm
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>>420787
This. Note the shitstorm that took place following GDPR. If this gets passed before the implementation sunset (set to be late 2020), we'll likely have to incorporate it into domestic law anyway as part of the requirements of our timely exit from the EU.
>> No. 420914 Anonymous
1st October 2018
Monday 7:30 pm
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>> No. 420676 Anonymous
28th September 2018
Friday 6:20 pm
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My neighbour keeps chucking birdseed out to feed pigeons, to the extent that there's about thirty of the cunts perched on his roof all day long. His garden backs on to the residential parking square thing where I have three cars parked and get covered in shit all of the time. There's also three or four dead pigeons a week end up in there.

I've told him to pack it in, and he does for a week or so then gets right back at it. He's quite a nice bloke so I don't want to go mental at him quite yet, also I half want to buy his house so I want to keep him sweet.

Anyway, I'm obviously here to discuss the morality legality of pigeon murder. They're rodents, aren't they, so I can do whatever the fuck I want to them?

How would YOU best kill a flock of pigeons, for the most impact and plausible deniability? There was always an urban legend about if you feed them alkaseltzer they explode, is this true? I'd very much like them to explode. Other than that I have access to strong narcotics, how much speed do you think it takes to kill a bird? I could bake it into bread and scatter it about the car park. Do you think I could buy a bird disease off the dark web? How would you do it? Any ideas are welcome, I just wanted to spitball here. Blue sky thinking, the works.

My less genocidey approach would just be to buy bird seed and pile loads of it around the neighbours car at night, so they all just sit on top of his motor until he gets the point.
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>> No. 420693 Anonymous
28th September 2018
Friday 10:42 pm
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>>420684

>Assuming the average pigeon weighs 1kg,

That kind of sounds like a morbidly obese pigeon.

Two chicken breasts are usually in the region of 500 grammes put together, which is more body mass than an entire adult pigeon will have.
>> No. 420694 Anonymous
28th September 2018
Friday 11:16 pm
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>>420684
>>420693

https://ovocontrol.com/pigeons/

>Description

>Size: 11-14 inches
>Wingspan: 20-26 inches
>Weight: 9 – 13 ounces

According to this, even a bigger pigeon weighs less than half a kg.
>> No. 420695 Anonymous
29th September 2018
Saturday 12:07 am
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use antifreeze mix it with their seed [yt]fW1QT3gttSE/yt]
>> No. 420696 Anonymous
29th September 2018
Saturday 12:27 am
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I'm fucking well ard so I would just grab them with my bare hands and kill them.
>> No. 420697 Anonymous
29th September 2018
Saturday 3:18 am
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>>420693
>>420694

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>> No. 420450 Anonymous
20th September 2018
Thursday 6:49 pm
420450 Pack your rice and wellies
So, how are you all coping with the Bronaghpocalypse?
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>> No. 420567 Anonymous
22nd September 2018
Saturday 5:46 pm
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>>420566

Piece of piss then.
>> No. 420568 Anonymous
22nd September 2018
Saturday 5:47 pm
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Why would I rent I chainsaw? I've got plenty...
While I'm pretty gung ho about taking trees down, these are outside my comfort zone. They're big, and will drop onto a road that has real traffic, or wipe out buildings and fences, depending on which way they go.
I'd have to climb them and do them in sections, and I'm not a creature of the air.
For scale, the fence is 6 foot, the green tarp thing is the remains of my woodshed, and the fallen branch managed to hit the building on the left on its way down.
>> No. 420577 Anonymous
22nd September 2018
Saturday 7:39 pm
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There's only one man you require for all your tree surgery needs.
>> No. 420579 Anonymous
22nd September 2018
Saturday 7:58 pm
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Was up a mountain once. with a heavy pack having to crawl on the ground to avoid being blown around like a crisp packet, digging fingers into rock trying not to die in 60mph winds.

Was fucking mint.
>> No. 420580 Anonymous
22nd September 2018
Saturday 8:01 pm
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I once farted in the Sussex countryside and brought down a small copse.

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>> No. 420040 Anonymous
7th September 2018
Friday 8:48 pm
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Time for a new weekend thread.

How goes it, lads?
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>> No. 420443 Anonymous
20th September 2018
Thursday 3:39 pm
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>>420420
Then it's even more interesting.
This piece of land is not in the EU. Probably means that whoever was barmy enough to buy an RX8 here is going to be fucked up royally sooner or later.
But then again, perhaps I am mistaken and because of some bloody miracle there is a place around proficient enough to deal with rotary engines. Anyway I doubt that.
>> No. 420447 Anonymous
20th September 2018
Thursday 4:38 pm
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>>420443

>perhaps I am mistaken and because of some bloody miracle there is a place around proficient enough to deal with rotary engines. Anyway I doubt that.

It's certainly possible. If you're in some post-soviet part of the world, it'd not be as surprising, since Lada did make rotary cars for a while - whether or not anyone is still interested in maintaining them, who knows, but a place tooled out to fix those could service an RX8, even if it's the only one they've ever seen, it's still basically the same thing.

If you're anywhere else, fuck knows.

All this talk of Mazda, and I completely forgot that they did showcase an RX9 concept a couple of years ago, and told us it was going to be in full production. I'll probably end up buying one, despite the risks.
>> No. 420491 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 10:07 am
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>>420447
> If you're in some post-soviet part of the world
Yes.
I've never heard about a rotary engine Lada IRL though. Read about one, right. But that's the only amount of exposure I've had to it.
I don't recall how many of them were made and how good or bad the engine was. My father has a load of old Soviet car magazines in his garage, maybe I'll flick through them for information.
> RX9 concept
I've seen only a few pics and quite unsure if those were even real. Strongly resembled Mazda6 from the front.
>> No. 420531 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 10:36 pm
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Mango season is picking up. The Iranian greengrocer not far from here had good sized Brazilian mangoes today for £1.50 a piece. Fully ripe and fucking delicious.

I honestly don't know how they survive. They sell 40-pound watermelons for 8 quid a piece during the summer months, and now they've got some of the best mangoes I've seen in a long time for a quid and a half. Even my local M&S here rarely has mangoes this good.

Or maybe it is because they are fully ripe. Maybe the big chains don't buy up produce like this because of the limited shelf life. I'm indeed not sure the one I just had would have lasted much longer, because it really was at peak ripeness. Maybe my Iranian greengrocer gets them at a discount that way, from wherever it is that they get their groceries.
>> No. 420543 Anonymous
22nd September 2018
Saturday 1:53 am
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>>420251
@7:14 Those keys look like a bowl of cereal.

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