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>> No. 364298 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 4:47 pm
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ITT: Weird dreams you've had lately.

I actually dreamed last night that I was in Australia, visiting the two blokes from the Foster's adverts in their beach hut. Sure enough, they gave me a Foster's, and I said "cheers, guys"... and then one of them said to me "oh no mayt, we don't say cheers heere. We say 'You little ripper!'"

Quite bizarre... has this dream got any deeper meaning, or have I just been watching too much telly lately?
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>> No. 413458 Anonymous
3rd November 2017
Friday 2:15 pm
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I had a dream last night where I got black out drunk at a music festival and when I came too I had escaped from police custody, after being charged with murdering one of the performers in their hotel room.
Since I had no memory of this I wasn't sure if I had, over time I was able to find clues as to what had happened (like when I went to use my mobile I had accidently swapped phones with the victim so I was definitely there), and fragments of my memory from the night before returned as I talked to other people who were there. Eventually I was able to work out that one of the people who was helping me avoid the police and was telling me parts of what had happened was the real killer and they were just helping me to make me look guiltier. I co-operated with the police after that was able to demonstrate my innocence to the police since the killer had hand written note and I am left handed with a hook grip so the writing style was wrong, It was sort of like a combination of gone home, memento and poirot only the protagonist was a hungover pisshead.
>> No. 413459 Anonymous
3rd November 2017
Friday 4:07 pm
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I couldn't work out whether to slightly overload the lift and take the rhino down in that, or to try the stairs, which I figured would be tricky. Spent ages trying to decide.

Previous night, had a 250mL plastic bottle of CSF (cerebro-spinal fluid), which had been collected at great cost, and there was something I was supposed to do with it. I couldn't remember what, and was getting very frustrated.

Fucked if I know.
>> No. 413461 Anonymous
3rd November 2017
Friday 6:34 pm
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Well you did the cell count at least didn't you lad?
>> No. 413462 Anonymous
3rd November 2017
Friday 7:54 pm
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Nope. I'm no medic. I have no idea why I had CSF in a plastic bottle, or am more than faintly aware of its existence. The bottle contained CSF from lots of people all mixed together, a cell count would have been futile (if I'd even known that was what people do with the stuff.)
I never said it made sense, even to me.
>> No. 413480 Anonymous
7th November 2017
Tuesday 9:59 pm
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Last night / this morning I dreamt that I found a top secret never released second series of TV Offal on a sort of darknet youtube. I watched the whole series and although sadly I don't remember it all (damn you, dreams!) I do remember that all the prank phone calls were to people tied up in operation yewtree and kamakazi karioke was always a mashup of TOTP/Are Jimm'll with the Antiques Roadshow
>> No. 413496 Anonymous
8th November 2017
Wednesday 1:56 pm
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I had a dream the other night that I was back on holiday in Gran Canaria, and somehow I was on a boat that had some kind of Club 18/30 party going on. At some point, they started a kind of singles matchmaking game, and I ended up being paired up with a lass who just somehow wasn't my type. She asked for my mobile phone number, and then I just took off, got off the boat and walked back all the way from Puerto de Mogán to Playa del Inglés, which is a good 15 to 20 miles, keeping looking back the whole time fearing that she would follow me.

Kind of an extreme reaction on my part, even for a dream. Besides, I always get a hire car on holiday, so there would be no need for me to walk back 15 miles on foot just to dodge unwanted affection.
>> No. 414005 Anonymous
26th November 2017
Sunday 8:42 pm
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100 serious, I had a dream the other day where I got a double blowjob off some random lady and my elderly great aunt who I don't see for years at a time.
I orgasmed for real and shot all over their faces, but to my suprise when I woke up to check the damage I was bone dry, I didn't physically shoot anything on my sheets IRL.
It was the most coherent sex dream I ever had. I couldn't even register the wierdness of it as it was happening during sleep so it was amazing, only afterwards when I reflected awake did I realise the absolute craziness of what happened.

Many internets to anyone who can interpret this.
>> No. 414009 Anonymous
26th November 2017
Sunday 9:43 pm
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I wish I got sexy-batshit dreams. All I get are unbelievably frustrating ones, where there's something I really should do, but can't for some reason. Seems to be a theme, massive frustration, plans being thwarted, no matter what I do, never get stuff delivered, everything depends on me and I fail.
Which is odd, as life is pretty darn good at the moment. Maybe I need a shitstorm equilibrium?
>> No. 414018 Anonymous
27th November 2017
Monday 12:10 am
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Were the Potatoes in red sauce quite as piquant in your dream as they were in reality?
>> No. 414040 Anonymous
27th November 2017
Monday 12:32 pm
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It really depends on where you order them on the island. There are expensive restaurants that can't get the sauce right, and there are ramshackle tapas bars on a beach somewhere that will serve you the best mojo rojo you've ever had.

Its main ingredients are garlic, red chili pepper, red bell pepper, olive oil, vinegar, salt, paprika, lemon juice and cumin. But mixing them together isn't as straightforward as you would think. It takes just a few pinches too many of one ingredient to make it taste quite horrible. But if you've got a place that knows what it's doing, it's fucking delicious.

But it needs to be freshly made. You can buy pasteurised mojo rojo in jars there in every supermarket, but it's just bland and very disappointing.
>> No. 414041 Anonymous
27th November 2017
Monday 3:22 pm
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I actually had a pretty graphic sexual dream a while ago about one of my immediate female coworkers with whom I often spend several hours in the same room during a typical workday.

It's kind of awkward sitting next to somebody like that the next day after your dream; they are completely oblivious to anything like that having happened inside your head while you were sleeping, but while you are sat next to them going over Excel sheets together, you know that just hours ago in your dream, you were jumping her bones and doing any number of things with her and to her.
>> No. 414046 Anonymous
28th November 2017
Tuesday 2:06 pm
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Do you reasonably believe she'd consent to you dreaming about her in this way or do you have come to terms with being a dream-rapist?
>> No. 414048 Anonymous
28th November 2017
Tuesday 10:23 pm
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We might as well start a debate about actual maritime issues in nocturnal dreams.
>> No. 414049 Anonymous
28th November 2017
Tuesday 10:24 pm
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That's deep.
>> No. 414051 Anonymous
28th November 2017
Tuesday 10:27 pm
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Foiled again by the word filters.

At least they're no longer calling word filters "genuinely hilarious jokes".
>> No. 414052 Anonymous
28th November 2017
Tuesday 11:00 pm
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Is that a filter or did you actually say that?
>> No. 414053 Anonymous
29th November 2017
Wednesday 3:52 pm
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No, the words "word filter" actually got changed into "genuinely hilarious joke" for some time. But only on /b/, I think.
>> No. 414246 Anonymous
13th December 2017
Wednesday 4:06 pm
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Have you lads ever had a dream about somebody dying that turned into reality some time afterwards?

Don't know why I thought of it today, but some years ago, the brother of one of my exes killed himself. He was schizophrenic, and in his suicide note, he actually wrote that he saw it as the only way to escape the voices in his head which his meds could no longer drown out. Poor lad, he was only 21 years old.

Anyway, about a year before that, I was already broken up with my ex, but I had a dream that I was back at her parents', and there was a procession of people in funeral attire quietly carrying a casket out of the door in dead silence. And I said to myself in my dream, "Where is Michael? Michael is missing!". Which was the name of my ex's suicidal younger brother. About a year later, he did kill himself in his parents' home. He was unemployed and unable to work on account of his mental state, so he was living with them. He hung himself from a ceiling beam in the basement.

Anyway, I attended the funeral, and there was an eerie moment when we were walking from their house to the nearby cemetery where it all seemed like a complete reenactment of my dream the year before, minus the actual casket. It all just seemed like a pretty big mindfuck.

Was I foreseeing his death, or was it just something that I had been carrying in my subconscience, that he might end up killing himself one day, and this was the way that it expressed itself?
>> No. 414253 Anonymous
13th December 2017
Wednesday 7:43 pm
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Either a coincidence or subconscious feelings. Dreams do not forsee anything.
>> No. 414256 Anonymous
13th December 2017
Wednesday 9:38 pm
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Everyone dreams about random things constantly, it's more surprising that so few of the ones that happen to match up with things that actually happen are remembered than not.
>> No. 414257 Anonymous
13th December 2017
Wednesday 10:47 pm
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I had a dream about finding out Bin Laden had been killed, months before it happened. That doesn't seem so remarkable but in the dream Obama came on the news and said "we got him" which is exactly what he did say when it happened.

I told my girlfriend when I had the dream, so I can verify I'm not misremembering. It's definitely weird as fuck but likely nothing more than coincidence, or an informed guess my subconscious made.

Or destiny is preordained and our dreams are echoes of the future
>> No. 414258 Anonymous
13th December 2017
Wednesday 11:08 pm
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Of 7 or so billion people in the world I imagine a fair few had dreams of similar sorts in their entire lifetimes before Bin Laden was killed.
>> No. 414260 Anonymous
14th December 2017
Thursday 12:54 am
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>in the dream Obama came on the news and said "we got him" which is exactly what he did say when it happened

Because Americans are trite.
>> No. 414261 Anonymous
14th December 2017
Thursday 8:45 am
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It does seem that way, but I can't say I'd have ever consciously predicted him saying that.

I assume I'm not alone in this but I'll often dream incredible, creative stories that I'd never even have approached while awake. It's fairly perplexing.
>> No. 414262 Anonymous
14th December 2017
Thursday 12:19 pm
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>I'll often dream incredible, creative stories that I'd never even have approached while awake.

Me too. I sometimes have dreams that could amount to entire movies. One night, I had a dream that was truly the stuff of spy thrillers. I was some sort of secret agent and I was attempting to get my hands on a secret briefcase of documents that a government official kept by his side in his office all the time. So in my dream, I hatched a plan how to create a distraction for that official, sneak into his office and search the briefcase for the one document that I was after, take a photo of it and then escape unseen, with that official none the wiser.

IIRC, in my dream, it worked, and I got away having completed my mission.

I sometimes think I should be a writer. Even just putting to paper the crazy dreams I keep having some nights would be enough to fill hundreds of pages.
>> No. 414263 Anonymous
14th December 2017
Thursday 12:58 pm
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>I sometimes think I should be a writer. Even just putting to paper the crazy dreams I keep having some nights would be enough to fill hundreds of pages.

I think that sometimes to, but although I have an active imagination I lack the skills or commitment to actually transfer it to a readable format.
>> No. 414264 Anonymous
14th December 2017
Thursday 1:02 pm
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There's nothing to stop you having a go. Like >>414263 says though, complex ideas is one thing but getting them down on paper with plot, pacing, characterisation and prose that people will enjoy reading is a whole skillset.
>> No. 414265 Anonymous
14th December 2017
Thursday 2:15 pm
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>complex ideas is one thing but getting them down on paper with plot, pacing, characterisation and prose that people will enjoy reading is a whole skillset.

ok then I will scrap my aspirations of being a writer. I'm shit at telling stories as it is, people have a tendency to become visibly bored halfway in when I try to tell them something. So I imagine it would not get any better if I tried to make a writing career out of it.
>> No. 414266 Anonymous
14th December 2017
Thursday 2:25 pm
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Verbal storytelling is different again. Have a crack at it anyway.
>> No. 414267 Anonymous
14th December 2017
Thursday 3:34 pm
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It really is - oral story telling is a completely different skill, when you see someone who can do it well it is wonderful.
>> No. 414269 Anonymous
14th December 2017
Thursday 5:03 pm
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Writing well is a learnable skill. It's mostly about editing. Every first draft is shit, but good writers know how to massage a shit first draft into an acceptable second draft and a good third draft.

If you're keen on having a go, why not join an evening class?
>> No. 414270 Anonymous
14th December 2017
Thursday 5:20 pm
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Not him, but I want to improve my writing and can't manage evening classes. What are the other ways you might suggest?
>> No. 414271 Anonymous
14th December 2017
Thursday 5:25 pm
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Read, imitate styles, try not to be too precious about any one piece you do, find critical feedback.
>> No. 414272 Anonymous
14th December 2017
Thursday 6:05 pm
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Your local library should have a decent selection of books on creative writing. The classic of the genre is On Writing by Stephen King. It's part memoir, part tutorial, but I don't think that it's any worse for it. If you're looking for a straightforward framework for turning an idea into a short story or novel, I'd suggest Plot and Structure by James Scott Bell.

The Elements of Style by Strunk and White is treated as canonical by many American writers, but I'd treat it with some caution. It's very valuable if your writing tends to be waffly and florid, but if you stick too closely to their rules then your writing will end up stilted and bland.

The difference between an aspiring writer and a writer is the act of writing. It seems almost too obvious to say, but the world is full of people who want to be writers but don't want to write. You can't get good at writing without doing it a lot, preferably for a critical audience. If you're having trouble getting started, I can recommend one of two books. If you need a boot up the arse, I'd suggest The War of Art by Steven Pressfield; if you want gentle encouragement, I'd suggest The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I prefer the latter.

Most of these books should be available from your local library or via LibGen.

If you've got the time to invest, I can highly recommend the video series at the link below. It shows the author Robert Olen Butler writing a short story in real time, from start to finish. It provides a deep insight into exactly what a great author thinks about when they're writing.

>> No. 414273 Anonymous
14th December 2017
Thursday 6:09 pm
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This list is more comprehensive
Suggested for short stories:
>"Notes on Writing Weird Fiction" by H. P. Lovecraft

For constructing a solid basic novel and avoiding shitty pitfalls:
>"How Not to write a novel" by Mittelmark & Newman
>"How to write a damn good novel" by James N. Frey
>"How to write a damn good novel II" by James N. Frey
>"Self-editing for fiction writers" by Browne & King
>"The Art of Fiction" by John Gardner
>"Telling Lies for Fun & Profit" by Lawrence Block

For writing poetry:
>"The ode less travelled" by Stephen Fry

"Motivational" whatever:
>"Zen in the art of writing" by Raymond Bradbury
>"On Writing" by Stephen King
>"Letters to a Young Novelist" by Mario Llosa
>"The Art of the Novel" by Kundera

>"The Hero with 1000 faces" by Joseph Campbell
>"The Golden Bough" by George Frazer
>"The Morphology of the Folktale" by Vladimir Propp
>"The Art of Fiction" by J. Gardner
>"The Book of Legendary Lands" by Umberto Eco
>"The Elements of Style" Strunk & White
>"The Successful Novelist" by David Morrell

Autismal worldbuilding procrastination:
>"The language construction kit" by M. Rosenfelder
>"The planet construction kit" by M. Rosenfelder

Actively avoid:
>"The writer's journey" by C. Vogler
>"How to books" anything with that red and yellow logo is a heap of shit

Fuck art get money:
>"Read Techniques or the Selling Writer" by Dwight Swaim

but honestly if he doesn't have time for classes then >>414271 is more useful than anything on how-to. It's just procrastination.
>> No. 414274 Anonymous
14th December 2017
Thursday 6:22 pm
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Appreciate the suggestions and book list very much, thank you.
>> No. 414536 Anonymous
25th December 2017
Monday 7:28 am
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I was in the shop trying to buy some milk but they refused to sell me semi-skimmed because I had my kids with me, which is apparently illegal for kids under the age of 12. I eventually convinced them the semi-skimmed milk was for me, but I also had to buy some full-fat milk for the kids as that's safe and legal for them to drink.
>> No. 414569 Anonymous
26th December 2017
Tuesday 12:35 am
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IMAGES seal-skin
>> No. 414580 Anonymous
26th December 2017
Tuesday 6:12 pm
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I dreamt that our new second PS4 detected we were logged on in two places at once and deleted all the games I had. That's a Christmas anxiety dream right there.
>> No. 414593 Anonymous
27th December 2017
Wednesday 12:44 pm
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I had a dream last night that I was a school teacher and that I was secretly downloading (adult!) porn onto my laptop via the school's wi-fi, and throughout my dream, I was pondering the likelihood of being discovered and getting fired for it.

What is wrong with me.
>> No. 414594 Anonymous
27th December 2017
Wednesday 12:46 pm
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That reminds me of a Blinky strip I read as a kid in the Dandy. Blinky's mum has asked him to go to the shops for a pint of milk, so naturally he enters a pub and says 'a pinta, please'. The landlord bellows 'what?! You're far too underage!', and as Blinky's being thrown out he mutters 'how old do you have to be to buy semi-skimmed?'
>> No. 414597 Anonymous
27th December 2017
Wednesday 2:50 pm
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Why the fuck would you remember that?
>> No. 414599 Anonymous
27th December 2017
Wednesday 3:35 pm
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I don't choose what I get to remember. Moments stick in the mind while others fade away like, well, dreams.

If you really want a reason I think I might have remembered it because I was amused at seeing a representation of alcohol licensing law in a children's comic.
>> No. 414600 Anonymous
27th December 2017
Wednesday 3:48 pm
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I had a dream where I was doing a degree level examination on magic the gathering card mechanics, but instead of paper I was provided a lemonade bottle and required to write my essay answers in the condensation.
>> No. 414604 Anonymous
27th December 2017
Wednesday 6:18 pm
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Something's just get stuck in your head. For some reason a scene in Scooby Doo where he loses his voice and keys "Relp!" on a typewriter has always stuck with me.
>> No. 414623 Anonymous
27th December 2017
Wednesday 10:14 pm
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Thanks again for these suggestions chaps. Have now got many of them on my (new xmas) Kindle and enjoying very much. The Stephen King book in particularly is really useful.
>> No. 414639 Anonymous
28th December 2017
Thursday 6:47 pm
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The condensation part made me chuckle.
>> No. 414644 Anonymous
29th December 2017
Friday 10:26 pm
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I keep having dreams about secretly being in the village where one of my exes used to live. Our breakup was particularly unpleasant, and to this day, we pretty much pretend the other person doesn't exist. And yet, in my dreams at night, I keep walking around in her village, always worried that she, one of her friends, or just somebody who used to know me might spot me. My dreams usually consist of trying to find the way out of the village, on foot, but I never manage to get out, and instead just keep getting lost in a maze of village backstreets everytime I have that dream.

Interpreting this dream kind of seems like low hanging fruit. A bit obvious what's really still going on inside my subconscience with regards to her.
>> No. 414645 Anonymous
30th December 2017
Saturday 8:54 am
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After weeks of interesting dreams about space travel and acts of heroism, tonight was a disappointingly predictable affair in which I dreamt about boobs and spiders.
>> No. 414651 Anonymous
30th December 2017
Saturday 3:45 pm
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I had a dream last night that there was an alien zombie robot invasion (as baffling as that sounds). I was a member of the military and was in a group of soldiers fighting them off with machine guns one by one.

Somehow those alien zombie robots would just pop up in crowds and start devouring people, and whenever there was an indication that you saw a group of people running panically in a particular direction, it was a sign that they were fleeing from the robots, which was then our cue as soldiers to move in and destroy them.

At some point, we were retreating into what looked like a mediaeval castle by a lake to get a better shot at the robots down below, and then they started entering the castle and we had to shoot them one after another.

It was a bit like the battle scenes in the movie Starship Troopers, except they weren't bugs but, as I said, alien zombie robots.

Make of that what you will.

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