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>> No. 364298 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 4:47 pm
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ITT: Weird dreams you've had lately.

I actually dreamed last night that I was in Australia, visiting the two blokes from the Foster's adverts in their beach hut. Sure enough, they gave me a Foster's, and I said "cheers, guys"... and then one of them said to me "oh no mayt, we don't say cheers heere. We say 'You little ripper!'"

Quite bizarre... has this dream got any deeper meaning, or have I just been watching too much telly lately?
Expand all images.
>> No. 364301 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 5:12 pm
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I dreamed I was in bed with my ex only since we'd broken up she'd gone and had a ridiculous number of new piercings put in. Looked and felt like a pin cushion.
>> No. 364305 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 5:30 pm
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Please don't take this the wrong way as I'm not trying to be an arsey cunt or anything, but other people's dreams just bore the tits off me. As soon as someone starts talking about a dream they had I just glaze over and have to feign interest whilst thinking about something I find less banal like what's the best flavour of crisps or something.

Anyway as I say, not intentionally trying to be a knob. As you were.
>> No. 364306 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 5:31 pm
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>>364305
I'm the same. However, many people seem to take pleasure in it. Luckily this is the internet where we can both just ignore it.
>> No. 364308 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 5:33 pm
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>>364306
Or subtly try to derail the thread with crisp talk.

Sshhh
>> No. 364310 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 5:35 pm
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>>364308

The co-op own brand salt and vinegar (cider vinegar or something) are the best by far. They're a bit variable depending on where you are in the country but I've never had another brand out-do them.
>> No. 364311 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 5:37 pm
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>>364310
They are indeed pretty good. I had a pack of either them or Tyrells salt and cider vinegar ones the other day and they were potent. There was a veritable bounty of salt/vinegar/crisp dust at the bottom of the pack that I poured into my gaping maw. I don't regret a thing.
>> No. 364314 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 5:49 pm
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>>364311
The bits in the bottom of a bag of Discos used to be a heady mix, I would actually get a tingly sensation in my mouth when hoovering them up. Must have had some chemical in them that has since been removed because they aren't the same any more.
>> No. 364315 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 5:53 pm
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>>364314

Alas, they are all shit now as they have significantly changed the recipes across all of the brands so they no longer resemble what they once were.
>> No. 364318 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 6:23 pm
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I had a dream where I was in a igloo. A wedding was being held inside the igloo, and then suddenly, everyone stood up and the national anthem started blaring out of the speakers.
>> No. 364321 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 6:28 pm
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Have you lads tried those Warburtons pitta bread crisps? They're quite nice.
>> No. 364322 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 6:28 pm
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>>364321
Not yet, but I'll add them to my internal list of things to try.
>> No. 364331 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 7:27 pm
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The Foster's advert where one of them is at a party in France doesn't make sense, because it's daytime in both places.
>> No. 364333 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 7:31 pm
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>>364331
It was my favourite. Why did you ruin it for me? Sigh.
>> No. 364334 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 7:33 pm
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>>364331

No, that's fine. Having lived in Oz I would always be chatting to people in the UK during daylight hours. It just means they started drinking at breakfast in Oz.
>> No. 364340 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 8:15 pm
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Can we all agree that Fosters is a terrible terrible beer?
>> No. 364341 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 8:16 pm
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>>364340
Absolutely disgusting.
>> No. 364342 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 8:17 pm
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>>364340

Former Ozzielivinglad here. Fosters does not exist in Australia. Nowhere. And dear fucking merciful Christ, if the Ozzies think a beer tastes like watered down piss you know you've hit something.

I drank VB. At least it had tastes. Even though the taste was of horse piss, it had taste.
>> No. 364355 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 8:44 pm
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>>364342

I quite like horse piss, actually.

Musky.
>> No. 364359 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 8:59 pm
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>>364355

Watered down horse piss? Because that is what you will find in Oz. The fact that Fosters is even more watered down, well...I will leave you to form your own conclusions.
>> No. 364364 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 9:24 pm
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>>364342

>Former Ozzielivinglad here. Fosters does not exist in Australia. Nowhere. And dear fucking merciful Christ, if the Ozzies think a beer tastes like watered down piss you know you've hit something.

so you're saying they are shipping it all out of their country because they know no Ozzie will drink it?
>> No. 364365 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 9:25 pm
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>>364364

Worse. It is only brewed in Liverpool.
>> No. 364375 Anonymous
15th November 2013
Friday 1:36 am
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>>364310
Cider vinegar. Cider vinegar? If it weren't for your good taste I'd think you an oaf of the highest calibre. >>/nom/8323

http://www.youtube.com/v/Ur4XJCm3deQ

>>364314
The Holy Grail of bottom-of-the-bag crisp experiences is to be found with pickled onion Monster Munch, but only very, very rarely when you encounter what I can only assume is concentrated flavouring that never got properly mixed with crisp.
>> No. 364381 Anonymous
15th November 2013
Friday 7:33 am
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I'd step over me own mum for the last packet of those beetroot, parsnip & carrot crisps Tyrells do. Proper tasty.
>> No. 364385 Anonymous
15th November 2013
Friday 12:12 pm
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>>364381
>beetroot, parsnip & carrot crisps Tyrells do

This might be the most bourgeois comment this site has ever seen. Posho!
>> No. 364386 Anonymous
15th November 2013
Friday 12:38 pm
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Today I'm eating these for breakfast. They're incredibly garlicky and cost me about 89p from Aldi. I recommend any lover of garlic to try them; you won't be disappointed.

I'm still on the fence as to what the best kind of salt and vinegar crisp available in Britain is. The Co-Op ones mentioned earlier can indeed be incredibly delicious, but I find their batches a little hit and miss. Sometimes they're amazing, sometimes they're not. McCoys are alright in a pinch, but the vinegar isn't nearly sharp enough. There is a brand of crisp that has rather traditional looking packaging and is fairly cheap but seems to be better-known, and they produce some of the best crisps I've ever tasted. Sarson's or something like that. I think their packaging is striped.
>> No. 364387 Anonymous
15th November 2013
Friday 12:41 pm
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>>364386
Seabrook! They're make in Yorkshire, apparently, which is good. As I recall they were seriously delicious. I've been apparently enjoying eating things from Yorkshire a lot recently which is my way of gloating that my new squeeze is from Scarborough.
>> No. 364388 Anonymous
15th November 2013
Friday 12:43 pm
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>>364386

You fucking legend, I have been trying to remember what these are called ofr fucking ages! The missus will love you tingiht.
>> No. 364389 Anonymous
15th November 2013
Friday 12:46 pm
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>>364385

Lidl sell those too. Surprisingly tasty. Their own brand crisps are actually very high quality. Don't know who is making them in the UK, but it's obviously one of the better manufacturers because they're a higher standard than the majority and the main brands (walkers, GW, etc.).
>> No. 364390 Anonymous
15th November 2013
Friday 1:05 pm
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Best crisps. Ever.
>> No. 364391 Anonymous
15th November 2013
Friday 1:08 pm
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>>364390
What are hand-made crisps? Does it just mean they are peeled and sliced by hand?
>> No. 364392 Anonymous
15th November 2013
Friday 1:14 pm
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>>364391
I think it means they're fried in a large kettle or pan rather than by an automated machine like Walkers do.

>>364388
You are most certainly welcome, sir. I might go buy some Seabrook crisps later. Or these, >>364390, if I can find them. I feel like wooing my new missus with my newfound love of all things Yorkshire.
>> No. 364393 Anonymous
15th November 2013
Friday 1:17 pm
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>>364392
Sam Smiths. Lovely beer.
>> No. 364398 Anonymous
15th November 2013
Friday 2:50 pm
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>>364393

Oh aye.

Been a while since I've had any, but I may plan a trip up to Taddy soon. Fresh from't brewery, it's lovely.
>> No. 364482 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 11:13 am
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>>364398
Ever tried the porter? A glorious beer!
>> No. 364483 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 11:48 am
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I'm drinking bottles of Bank's at the moment, 99p from Aldi but very nice.
>> No. 364484 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 1:14 pm
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>>364483
>bottles of Bank's at the moment, 99p from Aldi

You, sir, are disgusting.


I've taken a liking towards Stella Artois lately. Not the best beer in the world, but surely better than any of the cheap glug that Aldi or Lidl have on offer.
>> No. 364485 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 1:22 pm
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>>364484
You can actually get some decent ales at lidl sometimes. Bishops Finger and stuff. Stella is pretty bog standard lager really.
>> No. 364486 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 1:23 pm
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>>364484
Bollocks.

Lidl have Jenning's bitter and sometimes Cocker Hoop at 99p a bottle. And Stella is fizzy piss wherever you buy iy.
>> No. 364487 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 1:25 pm
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99p for a bottle isn't even cheap...
>> No. 364488 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 2:01 pm
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>>364331
It's a timephone. It lets you talk through time.
>> No. 364490 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 2:42 pm
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>>364487
It is in London.
>> No. 364491 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 3:40 pm
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>>364487 It is for ales. Obviously you can get 8 cans of Carslberg for a fiver, but it's hardly the same lad.
>> No. 364493 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 4:35 pm
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>>364487

A bottle of ale usually costs £1.50 - £2 in the big supermarkets, sometimes on a 4 for £5 promotion. 99p is a really good price.
>> No. 364507 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 7:02 pm
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>>364491
I know it is for ales, but this is Aldi ale

Anyway, Sainsburys were doing Spitfire for £1 a bottle recently.
>> No. 364510 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 7:20 pm
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>>364482

Yorkshire Stingo for Christmas please, Santa.

Proper bottle size for proper (Yorkshire) beer.
>> No. 364511 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 7:24 pm
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>>I'm drinking bottles of Bank's at the moment, 99p from Aldi but very nice.

Pound in Tesco. Tastes like used washing up water. Get some Fullers 1845 in ya belly, shitbeerlad.
>> No. 364513 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 7:28 pm
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>>364507
I don't much like Spitfire at all. I find it very uninteresting.

My personal favourite beer you can readily find in the shops is Timothy Taylor's Landlord, if you can find it.
>> No. 364514 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 7:32 pm
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>>364511
Fuller's IPA is very good (though not particularly cheap).

I also recommend London Fields' Black Path Porter, mostly for the description: "Our Braumaster likes to think he has heard whispers from the ancient Porters who travelled this route. He swears they spoke of a malty black brew, full of coffee and chocolate flavours that warmed the cockles after the long journey."
>> No. 364515 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 7:58 pm
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>>364514

Sounds like a pozzing to me.
>> No. 364516 Anonymous
16th November 2013
Saturday 8:08 pm
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>>"Our Braumaster likes to think he has heard whispers from the ancient Porters who travelled this route. He swears they spoke of a malty black brew, full of coffee and chocolate flavours that warmed the cockles after the long journey."

What a crock. Porter beer originated in London. Porters and stouts were the drink of the day in the 18th century. The darkness of the beer helped to disguise cloudiness, especially in the absence of finings. If you're after a proper porter, beerlad, I suggest Elland's 1872 Porter (Champion beer of Britain 2013, brewed in properbeerland, Yorkshire) or Fuller's London Porter. I use Ratebeer to check beer advocacy, any beer over 80 is worthy and anything under 40 is piss.
>> No. 364528 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 4:50 pm
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File
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Dreamt I was in Greggs looking for food, but all the steak bakes had been sent to are boys overseas.

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 364529 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 4:56 pm
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>>364528

He's a happy looking chap, who I imagine would be helpful and kind. Why do you teenlads keep insisting on shitting threads like this. Get yourself a girlfriend mate.

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 364548 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 11:04 pm
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I dreamed that I was still with my ex and not a pathetic lonely cunt. Woke up crying.
>> No. 364551 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 11:27 pm
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>>364548

Look on the bright side lad, at least you've got the bed all to yourself now.
>> No. 364553 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 11:36 pm
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I had a dream last night that Dr. Dre and Method Man were having lunch in my restaurant. Dre ordered two creme brûlées for himself, which was remarked upon in the dream as being a pretty gangster move.
>> No. 364554 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 11:39 pm
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>>364553
But, what would Biggie do?
>> No. 364555 Anonymous
17th November 2013
Sunday 11:47 pm
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>>364553
That would make such a great short film.
>> No. 364563 Anonymous
18th November 2013
Monday 2:27 am
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Can any of you cunts actually taste the cider in your poncy cider vinegar and fucking 28-month aged smoked pink Neodymium organic salt crisps? Buy some fucking Discos.
>> No. 364564 Anonymous
18th November 2013
Monday 2:41 am
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>>364563
Aldis do fantastic own brand kettle chip knock offs.
>> No. 364571 Anonymous
18th November 2013
Monday 6:47 am
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>>364298
As an Australian, these ads offend me.
>> No. 364576 Anonymous
18th November 2013
Monday 10:56 am
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>>364563

Discos are rank nowadays, they changed the recipe and it ruined them.

Past a certain age, even Monster Munch start to evoke existential breakdowns. Thankfully, I haven't gotten there yet, but who are you you to judge?

You're the pretentious one in this situation, go back to your copy of the Morning Star and leave us to our Kettle Chips.
>> No. 364589 Anonymous
18th November 2013
Monday 3:50 pm
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On Saturday night I dreamt that I had the Only Fools and Horses logo tattooed on my arm. I remember showing it to my family and friends, they all laughed at me, but I was dead chuffed with it.

I later woke up in a cold sweat, switched the light on in a mad panic to check both my arms. It was scary, lads.
>> No. 364591 Anonymous
18th November 2013
Monday 4:19 pm
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>>364589
Did your dream family and friends call you a plonker?
>> No. 364598 Anonymous
18th November 2013
Monday 6:02 pm
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I had a dream about dragons. They were nice and they let me ride them.
>> No. 364604 Anonymous
18th November 2013
Monday 6:12 pm
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>>364598

>They were nice and they let me ride them.

I bet they did you dirty little blighter!
>> No. 364625 Anonymous
19th November 2013
Tuesday 12:20 pm
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I dreamed last night that I had just turned fourty. In my dream, I was feeling distraught and kept thinking that I was now really old.

Sadly, this wasn't really simply a bad dream. I will in fact be fourty at the end of next year.
>> No. 364626 Anonymous
19th November 2013
Tuesday 12:29 pm
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>>364625
That does indeed sound scary.

I could probably relate more easily and offer advice were you turning forty, which happens to nearly all of us eventually.
>> No. 364627 Anonymous
19th November 2013
Tuesday 1:40 pm
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>>364625
Since I turned forty I have been increasingly distraught and realising I am now really old. Not much help, I know.
>> No. 364629 Anonymous
19th November 2013
Tuesday 2:08 pm
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>>364625
Thirty nine years old and you still can't spell forty. Get to the clinic, grandad.
>> No. 364630 Anonymous
19th November 2013
Tuesday 2:10 pm
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I am in my early thirties and all I do is play video games and get stoned.
I sometimes think I'm wasting my life.
>> No. 364631 Anonymous
19th November 2013
Tuesday 2:34 pm
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>>364627

I quite like that we have forties and up in here. It raises the tone of the place.
>> No. 364632 Anonymous
19th November 2013
Tuesday 5:34 pm
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>>364629

>Thirty nine years old and you still can't spell forty.

...said the pot calling the kettle black.

What did we all learn in school, mate? Riiiight... numbers between 21 and 99 are hyphenated when spelled out. Good boy...
>> No. 364633 Anonymous
19th November 2013
Tuesday 5:38 pm
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>>364632

There's also a space before the first period of an ellipsis.
>> No. 364634 Anonymous
19th November 2013
Tuesday 5:41 pm
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>>364632

I never learned that.
>> No. 364635 Anonymous
19th November 2013
Tuesday 6:29 pm
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>>364633

Disgusting.
>> No. 364636 Anonymous
19th November 2013
Tuesday 6:48 pm
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>>364633
Debatable.
>> No. 364637 Anonymous
19th November 2013
Tuesday 6:50 pm
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>>364636
So's gravity.
>> No. 364638 Anonymous
19th November 2013
Tuesday 7:27 pm
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>>364632

Nope. You've failed today. It's your round next. The standard forfeit.
>> No. 364639 Anonymous
19th November 2013
Tuesday 7:33 pm
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>>364632
If you're going to play grammar Nazi at least fucking capitalise your lettering correctly, Christ.
>> No. 364640 Anonymous
20th November 2013
Wednesday 3:54 pm
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There is always a ladder in my dreams.
>> No. 364641 Anonymous
20th November 2013
Wednesday 4:04 pm
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>>364640
The ground always swallows me in mine.
>> No. 364642 Anonymous
20th November 2013
Wednesday 4:27 pm
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I've had some fairly vivid dreams the last few weeks however I can never remember them.

I can sort of remember the one I had last night. Something happened to the world, kind of like Ghostbusters when all the ghosts were set free except it turned the world into the beginning of a quarantine zone and it's a lot more gory. What was set free was monsters and zombies. For whatever reason I (I'm not even sure if it is me as I kept switching from third or first person point of views) went to this crumbling American apartment building. It was like a support group/cult where you can turn into a monster of sorts but still retain a human mind and people won't immediately try to kill you or run away.

I went through some sort of training montage which looked like a music video for some death metal song except with the music and if I remember correctly some sort of monologue. My face then looked like a steak that had been hit by a mallet several times.

I went to some building (it was like an expo centre) later and like how a movie would attempt to look like a video game (kind of like that Scott Pilgrim movie) there was a huge bunch of letters in the air saying I should gain access to this building. Because I was now some sort of monster I had no chance of getting passed the bouncer so I jumped very high onto the balcony of the second floor.

I made my way through and saw a stall with a woman with snow white features except her hair was in a bun. I went to the stall and gave her a VHS tape. I think I said something but I can't remember. She played the tape in the CRT TV/Video combo TV at her stall and watched. Something apparently was terrible on it as it changed her appearances and she drooped down in fear and eventually just laid down on a sofa and became unresponsive. Her hair no longer in a bun and her pale skin discoloured.

Then some guy came along. He had a beard and a sharp face. I think I said "this is what they did to me". This other guy said "well....In the CIA you get all sorts of scars". Then I woke up.

Fairly odd dream. I have been lately getting a recurring dream where I'd be friends with someone I knew 10 years ago. I had ditched them because I really hated them and saw nothing good with hanging out with them as they seemed to siphon away any confidence I had and I'm a lot better without them. He was a complete cunt so I have no intention of speaking to him again.
>> No. 364643 Anonymous
20th November 2013
Wednesday 5:14 pm
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In last nights dream, I shagged a girl I've known online for 13 years despite having never met in real life.

It's left me feeling quite confused.
>> No. 364656 Anonymous
20th November 2013
Wednesday 11:50 pm
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I had a dream several months ago wherein Tyrion Lannister held a knife to my throat and whispered "Glory to Arstotzka".

I genuinely do not know what to make of this.
>> No. 364657 Anonymous
20th November 2013
Wednesday 11:57 pm
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I once had a dream that I beat seven bells of shit out of The Janitor from Scrubs outside one of the lecture theatres at uni as all my classmates just wandered past as though nowt was happening. I mean I kicked the fuck out of him near to death, his face was a mess by the end of it and he was clinging onto a bannister for dear life while I booted him.

I was distraught all day. I fucking love that guy.
>> No. 364658 Anonymous
21st November 2013
Thursday 12:34 am
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Sometimes I have dreams about what informs my anxiety and they're realistic to the point that I have recollections of things that happened in anxious dreams that I sometimes believe have come to pass in real life. For example, when I have a job interview in a week, I usually have a really fucked up dream (or dreams) about it in the days running up to it. This is pretty common, I think? Right now I keep getting recurring dreams of finding evidence that my ex is shagging some scumbag she's been involved with in the past. My constant fear is that the dreams turn out to be prophetic or psychic in some way; having heard about the way those two are apparently sniffing round each other like flies on shit, my anxious dream-brain is probably right in reality. Eh.
>> No. 364659 Anonymous
21st November 2013
Thursday 12:42 am
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>>364658

I get these unsettling dreams sometimes too. They seem to play on your true anxieties so well as to be utter cruelty. But I have the opposite reaction to you, I normally wake with this sensation of amazingly sweet relief; "thank God that hasn't actually happened."

Maybe not useful to you, but I thought I'd mention.
>> No. 364660 Anonymous
21st November 2013
Thursday 12:54 am
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>>364659
That's a nice idea, but my anxieties are usually based on things I can't actually know about; that is to say, what could happen or what might've happened without me knowing about it. This is the same sort of thought process that informs my OCD; ever gone back to check on the front door to be sure you've locked it? It's like that. You mentally pick at the scab over and over and can't stop yourself from going back and making it bleed. Perversely I've actually seemed to have gotten a lot better at curtailing my anxieties and obsessive thought patterns when awake through a combination of medication, meditation and willpower - but now it seems they're coming out in my dreams instead.

Oh well, 2/3 ain't bad.
>> No. 364662 Anonymous
21st November 2013
Thursday 2:32 am
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I'm always eating lunch with old friends in my dreams of late. It's no substitute and I'm beginning to miss the dreams I used to have where the world would flip on a 45 degree angle and I'd slide around until I hit a wall and woke up.

>>364656

Tyrion confirmed for launching a coup de proletariat in season 4.
>> No. 364663 Anonymous
21st November 2013
Thursday 2:17 pm
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I sometimes dream that I am one of a handful of survivors of a nuclear war that has laid the world to ashes.

Quite eerie dreams they are indeed. Wonder why I keep having them.
>> No. 364664 Anonymous
21st November 2013
Thursday 2:35 pm
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>>364663

Sweet dreams.

http://www.youtube.com/v/_MCbTvoNrAg
>> No. 364665 Anonymous
21st November 2013
Thursday 3:00 pm
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>>364664

Ah, 1980s limited-budget special effects...

wonder what "Threads" would look like if it was (re-)done by today's Dr. Who CGI effects team...
>> No. 364666 Anonymous
21st November 2013
Thursday 3:04 pm
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>>364665
They'd just blast Sheffield with the sonic screwdriver and it'd be back to it's old shitty self.
>> No. 364667 Anonymous
21st November 2013
Thursday 3:21 pm
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I had a dream when I was still in primary school about my school being bombarded by giant columns of hot gas coming from the sun. Since then I've had a probably irrational anxiety about the finite lifetime of the solar system.
>> No. 364668 Anonymous
21st November 2013
Thursday 3:23 pm
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>>364666

I had a girlfriend once who lived just outside Sheffield. We met on the Internet. Every other week I would go up to Sheffield by train from Birmingham where I lived at the time.

Sheffield is indeed shitty. Even if you're used to Birmingham.

Oh yes and she dumped me eventually for a night club bouncer. Which I found equally shitty.
>> No. 364669 Anonymous
21st November 2013
Thursday 3:54 pm
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>>364668
> Sheffield is indeed shitty. Even if you're used to Birmingham.
Are you having a laugh? Sheffield is full of Oscar Wilde types in comparison to fucking Birmingham
Plus you have the shittest accent in the UK. Fact.
>> No. 364670 Anonymous
21st November 2013
Thursday 4:30 pm
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>>364669
>Sheffield is full of Oscar Wilde types in comparison to fucking Birmingham

I rest my case.
>> No. 364671 Anonymous
21st November 2013
Thursday 8:50 pm
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I had a dream where I was sitting in an interrogation room. The kind of rooms you find in cop shows, with the reflective glass/window on the wall, a lamp (although the lights in the room were on), and two chairs on either side of the small, slightly rectangular table. Everything was grey. I was wearing my finest grey suit, with dress shoes and cuff-links.

I placed my arms on the table while facing the reflective glass/window thing, when the door right next to it flung open. In came a man dressed in a suit with a red tie, holding a big binder full of papers. He slammed the binder on the table, and I almost jumped as I thought it would break the table. It looked immense and heavy. "Now then," he said, as he pressed some sort of button on his side of the table. Suddenly, the reflective window was no more. It was transparent. I could see my whole family members, friends and relatives, sitting on a bench staring at me through the window.

I was shocked, but then the man in front of me sat down and opened the binder. I couldn't make out what was written on the papers in the binder. I could see letters, words, but I could not make sense of anything. I didn't know what was happening, and I started to stare at the people I know behind the glass. They didn't say anything. They didn't do anything. "What did I do?" Crossed my mind.

The man took a deep breath and looked at me with what seemed like pity. He started, "We are here to disclose the kind of porn you watch. The kind of material you hide away. The things you watch that force you to clear your browser history after you are done. I must say, I had to google quite a few terms here. It is very intriguing." I suddenly realised what was happening. I started sweating and had a sick feeling in my stomach, but luckily I woke up to the cries of my cat. I usually leave my bedroom door open for the cat, but I didn't yesterday. I let him out, fed him and petted him like he was my saviour.

Maybe my cat is my saviour.
>> No. 364672 Anonymous
21st November 2013
Thursday 10:43 pm
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I had one last night that was a bit weird. The back story is that in real life I know this girl who I went to secondary school with. She is ugly and fat and stupid, but she likes me because I didn't bully her at school. Last year she kept flirting with me online, and when I tried to rebuff her by claiming homosexuality she said she could be the first female I could fuck to test if I really am a gay. I then told her I was the antichrist and that I was dangerous, in a last ditch attempt to get her to not want to have sex with me.

In the dream last night she broke into my bedroom. She kept talking to me about how she wanted to have my babies, but I was insistent about not wanting to fuck her because I don't want children right now. She threatened me with a knife until I yielded to her. She pinned me down and trapped my head in her armpit which smelled really bad and she forced me to lick her armpit while she wanked me off so she could get pregnant. After I came she said she was now pregnant with my child and she released her grasp on me, so I panicked and just kept kicking her until her fanny dribbled loads of thick gloopy blood and she was dead.

Upon waking up I realised that watching Eraserhead before going to sleep was ill advised.
>> No. 364674 Anonymous
21st November 2013
Thursday 11:00 pm
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>>364672
I had a dream last night

You were there

You held my hand so tight

I thought I'd just die

Do you remember?

When we use to have

So much fun

I used to cry sometimes

Those days are gone

Did you remember?

>> No. 364675 Anonymous
22nd November 2013
Friday 4:32 am
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Last night I had a dream, that one day search and stormfags will be able to hold hands, and that people will be able to buy food in Greggs without being accused of memeforcing. That one day the queers of /iq/ will reach Quiggins, that /zoo/ will have real posts and that Simon will return.
>> No. 364678 Anonymous
22nd November 2013
Friday 8:22 am
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>>364675
I'd settle for an intwrface on .gs that works with my phone. I have to type blind.
>> No. 364684 Anonymous
22nd November 2013
Friday 11:13 am
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>>364674

...from the song "Stay" by Sash, released in 1997...

You know you are getting old if you instantly recognize lyrics from obscure late 90s dance tracks...
>> No. 364685 Anonymous
22nd November 2013
Friday 11:40 am
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>>364678
You can always download a console app and submit your post with cURL.
>> No. 371189 Anonymous
4th February 2014
Tuesday 12:26 pm
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Last night I dreamed I was in a Job Centre, having an interview with the advisor and for some reason I had a fishcake in my hand. I didn't want it and threw it under his desk. There was also cat litter and empty litter trays nearby on the floor so I threw cat litter on top of the fishcake to hide the smell.

Then I was sitting there wondering why I hadn't thought of a better way to dispose of the fishcake and hoping the advisor didn't move his feet forward and notice. It was a 9am appointment so there was no way he'd think someone else had done it.
>> No. 371190 Anonymous
4th February 2014
Tuesday 12:40 pm
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>>371189
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but that wasn't a dream, and you really did get a 4-week sanction.
>> No. 371191 Anonymous
4th February 2014
Tuesday 12:54 pm
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>>371190

That bastard. Next time I'm going to stick a rotten fishcake down the back of a radiator where they can't find it.
>> No. 371192 Anonymous
4th February 2014
Tuesday 1:48 pm
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>Weird dreams you've had lately.

One morning, as I was waking up from anxious dreams, I discovered that in my bed I had been changed into a monstrous verminous bug. I lay on my armour-hard back and saw, as I lifted my head up a little, my brown, arched abdomen divided up into rigid bow-like sections. From this height the blanket, just about ready to slide off completely, could hardly stay in place. My numerous legs, pitifully thin in comparison to the rest of my circumference, flickered helplessly before my eyes.

“What’s happened to me,” 'I thought. It was no dream.

It was no dream, because I was simply reciting the first paragraph of Franz Kafka's "The Metamorphosis" in my head.

Didn't see that one coming, didya.
>> No. 371193 Anonymous
4th February 2014
Tuesday 1:50 pm
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>>371192

It's pretty obvious from the very first sentence.
>> No. 371194 Anonymous
4th February 2014
Tuesday 1:55 pm
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>>371192
It may surprise you to hear that you're not the only one to have read that book.
>> No. 371195 Anonymous
4th February 2014
Tuesday 2:00 pm
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>>371193
>>371194

well, maybe it was presumptuous to think that you lot wouldn't know Kafka.

On the other hand, you never know... .gs isn't just frequented by educated folk, I would reckon.
>> No. 371200 Anonymous
4th February 2014
Tuesday 5:35 pm
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I've had a bunch of weird dreams lately. I went on a mission to Mars with this useless Indian fellow, he kept letting all the air out.
>> No. 371212 Anonymous
4th February 2014
Tuesday 8:55 pm
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>371195

It's pretty famous. I think the Simpsons may have done a parody of it at some point or another so I think even the local Benefit Street lot would have guessed it, I don't know.
>> No. 371216 Anonymous
4th February 2014
Tuesday 9:45 pm
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>>371195

Pretty sure everyone knows Kafka.
>> No. 371217 Anonymous
4th February 2014
Tuesday 9:52 pm
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>>371216
Everyone knows Kafka, but most people get it wrong. It riles me slightly (but nowhere near piss-boiling levels) to see people refer to anything which seems overly bureaucratic or somewhat illogical as "Kafkaesque".
>> No. 371218 Anonymous
4th February 2014
Tuesday 10:00 pm
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>>371212

That episode of Malcolm In The Middle's Dad Deals Drugs had him in, innit.
>> No. 371219 Anonymous
4th February 2014
Tuesday 10:35 pm
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>>371218
This one? http://www.youtube.com/v/GtYNX3JWzjc
>> No. 371222 Anonymous
4th February 2014
Tuesday 11:45 pm
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>>371212
One of the Simpsons Halloween comics featured a parody of Metamorphosis, yes.
>> No. 371226 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 1:02 am
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I dreamt I was sat along a coastal wall at the bottom of a cliff, hand in hand with a long line of other people. We were looking out to a wall of sea water being held back by some kind of force. After a short while the force let up and the waters came rushing toward us. We all closed our eyes. The water hit me in the face and my nose began to burn as if it was broken. We were dead but still concious. I opened my eyes and walked on the now calm water. Everyone was floating above, within and under the sea. I cast my hand up left an image over the sky. I changed the colour of the air. All around me people were discovering their new after death abilities.
I've been feeling recently as if my dreams are prophecies. I don't believe it, of course, but I still wake up feeling troubled.
>> No. 371228 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 3:04 am
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Had a dream last night where I had mixed the television shows Lilyhammer, Shameless and Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps together and wacky hijinks happened.
>> No. 371232 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 11:19 am
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http://www.youtube.com/v/o_GjFph_yqU

This was how I first became aware of The Metamorphosis.

Ah, MTV in the good old days, eh... when they actually played music videos and were culturally relevant.

Seriously, MTV in the 90s was the pinnacle of pop culture. With people like Ray Cokes and Steve Blame, or the good-looking but insufferably thick Kristiane Backer.
>> No. 371233 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 11:22 am
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>>371219

Somewhere in season 2 or 3 I believe, where Jesse attends a rehab group, the mentor describes his situation as "Kafkaesque", which I believe is also the title of the episode. I've noticed much more pretentious use of the word since then.
>> No. 371234 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 11:23 am
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>>371232

http://www.youtube.com/v/A9V_glBfuik
>> No. 371236 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 11:27 am
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>>371233
>the mentor describes his situation as "Kafkaesque"

I think the adjective "kafkaesque" refers more to Kafka's novel "The Trial".

Wikipedia says about "The Trial":

>One of Kafka's best-known works, it tells the story of a man arrested and prosecuted by a remote, inaccessible authority, with the nature of his crime revealed to neither him nor the reader.
>> No. 371237 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 11:35 am
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>>371232

MTV2 in the early noughties was great in that you knew everyone was watching it, so you knew what was in. These days, I have no idea what kids listen to, because there's no real equivelant. In most ways it's better though- looking back, it was just a vehicle for alternative pop. These days I'm listening to much smaller artists, things nobody has ever heard of. If everyone is doing the same, it's better overall for artists.
>> No. 371239 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 11:39 am
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>>371230

I understand what you're saying, but personally I choose to look at it from the other side of the lens. I grew up largely cut off from high culture. Everything in my hometown is geared at mass appeal. There are no second-hand bookshops, and only one with a limited range of expensive classics. The local library was, during my lifetime, closed for 5 years and reopened in a refurbished building, replete with television screens, pop fiction and noisy social areas.

I understand why it's been done, in a way, to encourage more people in and to get reading. At the same time there's something insidious about it, the idea that you'd need to knowingly sneak people into our cultural heritage rather than just have it available. It also left people like me making attempts at self-education via the internet and wondering if we were connected to the world outside beyond the occasional photo history book. I know of several people, just as interested as me, who didn't quite make it to university after being stuck in a shambles of a comp, and it's scary to think they may well miss out on things that I consider to have been crucial to my development as a person. I try to recommend things, but it's not always easy to describe why something is important (and moreover, relevent to the person you're alking to) on the fly.

What I'm getting at is, don't look down on people who are attempting to find and convey meaning. It's a cultural fault where we've distorted things for the sake of accessibility. I also don't think it's snobby to point out when something is dumbing down, if they leave no alternative for those that don't want it specially targeted to them. Ideally, culture should be accessible to everyone at all levels.
>> No. 371241 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 11:53 am
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>>371237
>MTV2 in the early noughties was great in that you knew everyone was watching it, so you knew what was in.

That's what I mean... MTV in those days set the standard of what was "in" and was THE thing you and everybody talked about. It not only defined but also reflected pop culture.

My younger nephew is 19 now, and the impression I get from him is that youth/pop culture nowadays is just much more fragmented. Aside from a few obvious shockers like Miley Cyrus's twerking antics, there is no such thing as THE big hot topic of the moment. What you find outrageous and worth talking about at length generally depends on whatever subculture you exist in. That's not to say that back in the day we didn't have our own distinct subcultures. But today's subcultures seem to exist distinctly separate from each other, hence it's difficult nowadays to have common denominators of discussion... and contention.
>> No. 371243 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 12:08 pm
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>>371239

sorry mate, I deleted the post you are referring to, because upon re-reading it, I realised that it was too divisive and made me look like a complete cunt.

To the others: my point was that the bits and pieces of fine art that permeate and trickle down into popular culture are not a mark of a culture's overall sophistication, and that it is particularly people of lower education who adopt these inklings of higher art so as to look less as the uneducated thugs they really are.

But again, unnecessarily divisive post, and therefore retracted.
>> No. 371245 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 12:16 pm
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>>371243

No problem. And for the record I don't disagree with you, I was just trying to redirect the criticism to what I feel really causes that lack of understanding. Or to use a wanky phrase I just made up, true cultural mobility.*

* I just made this up.
>> No. 371249 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 1:07 pm
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>>371245

> true cultural mobility.*

Now there's a potentially loaded concept.

One of my female friends at uni came from a poor working class family, she was the first in her family to make it into university at all, everybody else, her parents, siblings and cousins were either assembly line factory workers or on benefits, some were even in and out of prison. I always think it's advisable to use the word "chav" rather sparingly, but she unequivocally spoke of her own "chav upbringing".

Anyway, she did well at uni, these days she's a more or less well-established archaeologist (a choice of subject that in itself caused bewilderment in her family), but she was always self-conscious because she had deficits in what she herself called "cultural upbringing". Because in her family, children weren't read classic bedtime stories, Sunday afternoons weren't spent in museums, the BBC News weren't watched every night, and the value of good high-profile newspapers or classic works of English literature was not appreciated. These "middle-class" ways cannot be taught in school, it is a way of life that is, or isn't conveyed within your immediate family.

She once said that before she started uni, in a way archaeology symbolised for her all the high culture that she was denied growing up. Ancient civilisations, intricate artefacts, Egyptian tombs, old high cultures... that sort of thing... most people would think that in order to truly build a better life for yourself with a chance for a good steady higher income and a fulfilling permanent job that sets you apart from your assembly line drudging parents, archaeology isn't a wise choice. But to her, that didn't matter so much. To her, it was more about filling a void, and making up for what she felt she was denied by her "chav" parents growing up.

but again, she felt self-conscious a lot, like she had to prove to all of us born "middle-class" chaps that she could make up for that deficit. Coming from a poor working class background, attaining "culturedness" is not impossible. But it can be a long hard road.
>> No. 371251 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 1:11 pm
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>>371249
I too know a rather chavvy bird with an errant penchant for archaeology. I have no idea what she's currently doing though, to be honest.

Sage for worthless post.
>> No. 371252 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 1:50 pm
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>>371249

>but again, she felt self-conscious a lot, like she had to prove to all of us born "middle-class" chaps that she could make up for that deficit

This is a particularly difficult thing to deal with, you're never really going to shake the low self esteem and isolation that you get from being one of those from the displaced class. Aspirational working class is all you'll be until you shit out some kids and give them a decent education. You can wear their clothes, read their books, and drink their wine but you'd never really be one of them.

Sage for stealing the words of a Eunuch.
>> No. 371256 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 3:46 pm
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>>371252

>Aspirational working class is all you'll be until you shit out some kids and give them a decent education. You can wear their clothes, read their books, and drink their wine but you'd never really be one of them.


still better than people who spend their lives on benefits and never make an effort at all to rise from the underclass, at least if they would be well capable of leading a life better than that and are just pissing away their potential. Benefits culture has just made it much too easy, much too long.

It may sound like a tired out armchair politician statement, but you have to commend people for at least trying to climb up the social ladder. And in the end, what should it matter if their family have always been middle class or not. If you've made it up into middle class, then it should be rightfully yours to claim membership of, no matter what your own upbringing was like.
>> No. 371257 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 3:49 pm
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>>371252
>>371249

As a working class lad with pretensions of grandeur myself, I actually rather dislike the way people aspire to become middle class. Classism as a concept is rather toxic to a truly meritocratic society in my opinion- We shouldn't have people who feel self concious just because mum and dad didn't read the Guardian or listen to Radio 4 in the mornings. It shouldn't be a mark of shame that your siblings bonded more over a Manchester football derby than a day at the library.

Having said that, without true class identity those on the bottom rung can end up being exploited far more easily. Look at the States, where nobody can ever admit that they are poor; and to be from a deprived background is seen as a tragic failure on the part of "white trash", and simply dismissed as innate savagery where black communities are concerned.
>> No. 371259 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 4:03 pm
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>>371257
>We shouldn't have people who feel self concious just because mum and dad didn't read the Guardian or listen to Radio 4 in the mornings. It shouldn't be a mark of shame that your siblings bonded more over a Manchester football derby than a day at the library.

Yes, in our minds as more or less educated middle class folk, it shouldn't matter.

But the truth is that many people like that have a lifelong inferiority complex that comes from within as soon as they start rubbing shoulders with friends and coworkers who have been more fortunate.

I used to go out with a girl who also didn't go to university, a fact that had to do in part with her parents being quite unsupportive throughout her school years. In other words, she had the potential, but luck wasn't on her side growing up. To me it didn't matter at all, she was just the sweetest person on earth to me at the time. I never cared for one second that she never went to uni, I loved her to bits just the way she was as a person. But she really felt inferior, especially when we were together with my friends, all of whom had a university degree. None of them ever turned up their nose at her, they all thought she was a great person and nice and loads of fun. But deep down, she always felt like she didn't belong in my world, and that's what eventually drove her to break up with me. That, and a few irreconcilable arguments we had about other things.

Then again, you could turn the whole thing around and say that society had instilled that sense of inferiority in her by generally judging people by their scholastic achievements and looking down on those who don't achieve. But that would probably end up in a chicken and egg kind of circular argument.
>> No. 371267 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 6:30 pm
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>>371259

I think a lot of this shame has to do with the fact that working class upbringings can be stifling. The charade of secondary school was just a damaging, dehumanising experience where I went.

I don't mean to say that middle class upbringings aren't without their difficulties, more that the entire experience casts a much longer shadow when you don't have as many options to reshape yourself and how you live at later stages of life. I can't comment on behalf of the girl mentioned in >>371249, but I know that I've pursued my education with something like a feeling of desperation. I have one very slim connection to the world of the educated, and there's every chance that if I don't find the right move at the right time that I'll be on the same path laid out by my brothers and father.

There should be no shame in being working class, but right now we have lifestyles that are so unashamedly disparate in terms of income and culture that you can't help but feel those differences everywhere. My own view is that more of an effort to sincerely (sincerely is an important part) communicate the sum of our knowledge and culture to young people of all backgrounds would go some way to relieving this problem, to allow people more channels to dip their toe in different streams of culture if they choose to. What we have now is more of a sink-or-swim, do-it-or-die kind of mentality, and I think that's largely down to how the money breaks down the further down the ladder you go. Put more succinctly: culture will be tied to class as long as class is tied to money.
>> No. 371268 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 7:05 pm
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>>371256
>Benefits culture has just made it much too easy, much too long.

Also feel compelled to disagree with this. If you want there to be less shame attached to growing up in a certain area, and if you want culture to be able to spread to all corners of society, you have to treat the poorest with dignity. The entire attitude of 'tough love', particularly with benefits, is nonsensical when you consider that people are either on benefits because they need to be (the majority) or they're so isolated that they don't have the means or conviction to work (very much the minority).

Frankly, with some of the work that is offered to us, I wouldn't blame anyone for choosing to abdicate from work. What options are there in some of our worst areas, exactly? Call centre work? Retraining for a service job? I don't think you can lay blame with communities of people who have already been cut off for not striving to rejoin when we've already shown that we're quite happy to throw them out of the boat when they no longer have an economic function. If you live in a town that's not a concern of party politics or big business, that doesn't see much of the coin for public services or maintaining vital institutions, where are you meant to get your aspirations from?
>> No. 371274 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 11:41 pm
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>>371268
>you have to treat the poorest with dignity

Not just the poorest. Anybody deserves an inalienable minimum of human dignity just by virtue of their existence alone.

It's not about dignity. You can very much let people retain all their dignity and still ask them to pull their own weight in society as much as they are capable of doing so. Naturally this means different things with regards to different people, and the frail wheelchair-bound chap of overall ill health is certainly deserving of benefits, very much unlike the work-shy layabout who just can't be arsed.

Maybe the majority really need their benefits as you say because they've got no other way of making ends meet. And that's all good and well. But you can't deny that there are also many to whom being on benefits and letting the taxpayer pay their way is all just a right old laugh. Being on benefits should not be a stigma, no. But the fact that it is, is also partly the fault of those who abuse the system.

I get up at 6:30 every morning and my pay isn't really spectacular although I do like my job. I've got no problem with a portion of my wages going to the needy. I see it as my recurring contribution to charity. But it really makes me angry to think that some of it actually ends up in the hands of people who are having a grand old time sleeping in every day, sitting in front of the telly at home all day long, and spending their benefits on copious amounts of fags and cheap beer.
>> No. 371275 Anonymous
5th February 2014
Wednesday 11:44 pm
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>>371268
>, I wouldn't blame anyone for choosing to abdicate from work.
I would. I'd blame them all. 'The work that's offered to us', in-fucking-deed.
>> No. 371276 Anonymous
6th February 2014
Thursday 12:04 am
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>>371256
n8 m1 dem strawmen won no wot it em
>> No. 371277 Anonymous
6th February 2014
Thursday 1:51 am
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Does a distinction need to be made to some of us here, between the working class and the 'under class'?
>> No. 371279 Anonymous
6th February 2014
Thursday 10:45 am
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>>371275
Work is fucked up in general. Over the past 200 years we've had massive gains in productivity. Enough that very few hours of work would actually be necessary in order for everybody to have an excellent standard of living. And yet on most days of the year we're expected to spend the majority of our waking hours working.

That'd be one thing if we all enjoyed our work, but most people don't. "Money" is the usual response for why we go on doing something we don't like doing, but we then use that money to keep ourselves in good enough condition to go on spending our time doing things we don't enjoy.

The whole situation is fucking absurd, and rather than criticising people for not wanting to share our unhealthy relationship with work, we should consider whether it has to be this way.
>> No. 371285 Anonymous
6th February 2014
Thursday 2:23 pm
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>>371279>>371279

>Work is fucked up in general. Over the past 200 years we've had massive gains in productivity. Enough that very few hours of work would actually be necessary in order for everybody to have an excellent standard of living. And yet on most days of the year we're expected to spend the majority of our waking hours working.


This is done on purpose by the ruling class. Neoconservative, neoliberal society needs a strong foundation of the working poor who do all the work and generate all the capital return (of which there is more than enough to go around) for the rich.

If a common labourer, but also a low-level office worker, really got paid according to their work output and their productivity, then all of them would be making 20 to 25 quid an hour before tax. Perhaps significantly more. Unless you are really higher up the food chain, you are part of a faceless mass of easily disposable, exchangeable, easily redirectable "human capital" with few rights and even fewer quid in their bank account by the end of the month.

And you are intentionally kept in a state of eternal limbo over job security. The fact that you are instantly replaceable is willfully brought up time and again as negative reinforcement to make you do the bidding of companies and bosses who have dominion over you. And because you know you are instantly replaceable, you will voluntarily put in insane amounts of unpaid extra hours and not complain even about the most shit tasks you are given. Because you are given to understand, and you have been conditioned to think that you simply have no choice.

It's a kind of perverted modern-day serfdom. Only, in the old days, when there actually was a system of serfs and lords, the lord of the manor was responsible for your protection and your well-being, both physically and materially. Yes, within this feudal system, the lords lived lavishly off the fruits of the serfs' labour and the serfs were kept in relative, but not severe poverty. But for all the lack of freedom that this meant for the common peasant, a lord generally knew your value and that his wealth in no small part depended on your person. You weren't simply let go and left to rot on the dole because some other peasant would have done a better job. You were cared for and you knew that your lord wasn't going to let you go to the dogs.

Not saying we should bring serfdom back. Definitely not. Serfdom is just as irreconcilable with our modern-day idea of human rights as today's system of the "working poor" well should be. But in today's world, the modern-day "lords" simply have no more shame. It's serfdom gone mad.
>> No. 371286 Anonymous
6th February 2014
Thursday 2:39 pm
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>>371279

I said exactly the same thing the other day. I mean, the gist, not word for word.
>> No. 371290 Anonymous
6th February 2014
Thursday 5:36 pm
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>>371285

>If a common labourer, but also a low-level office worker, really got paid according to their work output and their productivity, then all of them would be making 20 to 25 quid an hour before tax.

That's demonstrably false. If an unskilled worker was actually worth £25 an hour, then there would be virtually no unemployment, because no business is going to turn down the opportunity to make over £30,000 per year in profit by hiring a worker on those terms. Business is far too ruthless to leave billions of pounds of profit on the table and doesn't need three million unemployed in order to drive down wages. If you had ever run a business or worked in a management role, you'd know that the marginal productivity of an unskilled worker is remarkably low, and most of them are just barely worth employing at £6.31/hr.

The problem for workers is precisely that their productivity is so low. The productivity of a marginal unit of labour has remained relatively static, while the productivity of capital has soared. The exact opposite of your argument is true - society has little or no need for a large workforce any more, and the unskilled and semi-skilled jobs that do remain are simply those where the cost of automation has not yet fallen below the cost of a minimum-wage worker.

Jobs are going and they aren't coming back, because a large and growing proportion of the population can't do anything better than a machine. The tip of that iceberg is "lights-out" manufacturing, factories that require no routine human labour so operate with the lights switched off. The less visible side is the huge swathes of unskilled and semi-skilled jobs that have gone due to more banal sorts of automation; The HMV branches closed due to iTunes, the bookshops closed due to Amazon and the Kindle, the hundreds of thousands of jobs at Kodak and Fuji lost to digital cameras, smartphones and Instagram. Every day, in offices all over the country, clerks are being made redundant not because there is no work for them to do, but because their job has just been replaced by a bit of software that earns no wage and needs no desk.

The idea that the rich are living fat off the toil of others is a convenient fantasy, that's all. The reason they can get away with what they're doing is because they just don't need the rest of us. The trade union movement died on the 5th of February 1987, when the Wapping strike failed. Murdoch broke that strike not with busloads of scabs, but with better machines. From that day onward, newspaper owners didn't need to negotiate with the print unions because they didn't need printworkers any more. Industry after industry went the same way, replacing a mass workforce of unskilled and semi-skilled workers with a tiny elite of geeks and the machines they tended. The reality is that the need for labour is diminishing by the day, which is aggregating wealth in the hands of the technologists and capitalists who control the machines and software that substitute for labour. If the left can't shed that fantasy and address the real reason why so many people are being left behind by the modern economy, then they're just as culpable as the right.

http://www.futuretech.ox.ac.uk/sites/futuretech.ox.ac.uk/files/The_Future_of_Employment_OMS_Working_Paper_1.pdf
>> No. 371291 Anonymous
6th February 2014
Thursday 6:19 pm
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>>371290
What seems to have happened is that low-paid, unskilled workers have been replaced by highly-paid, unskilled consultants. The whole business of consultancy sometimes appears to be, like acupuncture and explosives detectors to be a matter of "taking money from stupid people".
>> No. 371293 Anonymous
6th February 2014
Thursday 7:30 pm
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>>371290

I agree with both you and the chap you are responding to- You both have very good points, but where does your insight take us? Here's the thing. The crux of the matter, in my opinion.

When everyone's job is done by a computer, and nobody therefore has a job, who will be left to actually BUY the shit churning off the production lines? Capitalism sort of falls down without any consumers, and the people running this show don't seem to have twigged that us peasants working at the bottom ARE those consumers.

What happens when there is nobody left to play in this giant game of pass the parcel? It seems capitalism is destined to eat itself and transform into communism, but I doubt the transition will exactly been pleasant.
>> No. 371294 Anonymous
6th February 2014
Thursday 8:02 pm
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>>371293

>the people running this show don't seem to have twigged that us peasants working at the bottom ARE those consumers.

We aren't though. In the UK, the top 20% have 62% of the wealth; In the US that figure is 85%. The figures are similar in terms of income and spending, and the gap is growing rapidly. If you take a global view, the gap is even more extreme. That ever-shrinking elite needs the rest of us less and less every day, both as producers and consumers, and it's simple vanity to imagine otherwise. The elite see us in much the same way as we see African and Asian peasants - too poor to matter.

If I own a car factory, it doesn't matter much to me if I sell 100,000 cars for £10,000 each or 1,000 cars for £1m each. A pop singer can charge 10,000 people £50 for a concert, or charge one oligarch half a million quid for a private performance. The more the wealth gap grows, the more the balance shifts towards the latter business model.

We already know what the future looks like, because it has arrived in places like Rio de Janiero and Moscow. The very richest people on earth live cheek-by-jowl with the very poorest, and nothing much happens. There's no great unrest, no glorious revolution waiting to happen, just business. The rich get richer, the poor mop floors, scrape by on benefits and shoot each other in turf wars over drugs. Any Londoner or Parisian can see that the inequality in their cities differs only by degree.

The middle class will be finished within a generation, it was just a momentary blip caused by the industrial revolution. Unless society fundamentally changes, there will be only the very rich and the very poor, with a vast chasm in between. The world is flattening, and there will be little difference between a poor Briton, a poor Nigerian or a poor Indian. Frankly, given the way that the developed world has treated the developing world over the past couple of centuries, we deserve it.

We might be able to change things, or it might already be too late. What I am absolutely certain of is that the rich don't need us, but they might just be made to fear us.
>> No. 371296 Anonymous
6th February 2014
Thursday 8:13 pm
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>>371294

> The middle class will be finished within a generation, it was just a momentary blip caused by the industrial revolution.

That kinda shows a gap in your knowledge. The middle class has been going since at least the days of the mercantiles, before the Renaissance. They weren't nobility and often didn't own land, but they had too much wealth and power to be considered poor.
>> No. 371298 Anonymous
6th February 2014
Thursday 8:54 pm
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>>371296

I don't think that critique is really fair. There has existed a strata of society between the aristocracy and the peasants, but both the name for and the idea of a middle class dates back no further than the middle of the 18th century and only gained a concrete definition in the early 20th century. Prior to industrialisation, there simply weren't many sources of income other than toil, plunder or rent. Merchants and artisans represented an elite, far smaller in number than would accord with any modern sense of a middle class. The development of the middle class as a meaningful social group is inseparable from the industrial notion of capital.

Perhaps I should have used the term "white-collar worker" or more precisely said "the mass middle-class", but I think your comment is pedantic and extends the meaning of the term "middle-class" far beyond its usual definition.
>> No. 371308 Anonymous
7th February 2014
Friday 1:11 am
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>>371290

If you're the boss of a business which is turning a profit, and you don't do most of the work yourself, then the only way that you can be making a profit is if you're selling the product of the workers' labour for more than you're paying the workers. This hasn't ever changed.

I don't know what point you're trying to make, saying that if workers were paid more, there'd be no unemployment, so the company would make more profit?

No matter how low the productivity of a worker is, obviously they're still producing more than their earning back. Plus, did you ever think that productivity might be lower if a worker knows that they are being exploited? They may not be able to articulate it, but they know that the work is a piss-take, and not worth putting in any more than minimal effort.

You're absolutely bang on the mark though about the relative value of capital over labour. Year-on-year this effect is being felt more profoundly, and is widely recognised as a crisis for the status quo as well as being a nail-in-the-coffin for the labour movement.

The logical continuation of capitalism without labour is that the last few owners of property will be sitting in their machine fortresses, extracting the last remaining resources from the wasteland, with the rest of humanity left to eke a meagre existence, choking on the fumes of our own failure to act.

Well, I'd advocate anarchist models of social organisation, which eschew both the brutal dictatorship and central planning of Soviet-style 'communism' as well as the decentralised apocalyptic death cult that is capitalism.

>>371291

I think that that might be peculiar to your own particular line of work.

>>371298

It's not entirely unreasonable to extend the term 'middle class' to include certain strata of pre-industrial society, you are right about the middle class being essentially an artefact of the industrial revolution. That said, the term 'middle class' is and always has been rather loose; few people today work with a robust definition of the term.
>> No. 371313 Anonymous
7th February 2014
Friday 12:30 pm
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>>371298
Not sure about this. There's a pretty strong low-middle-upper class system going on in ancient societies.

Slaves (not even people, really) and/or serfs/helots at the bottom (though some slaves - very few proportionately - were very wealthy and actually had slaves of their own, same rules for serfs).

Freedmen/citizens in the middle (with varying degrees of wealth and status).

Aristocrats - varying degrees of wealth and power but with 'pedigree of blood', typically.
>> No. 371314 Anonymous
7th February 2014
Friday 2:07 pm
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>>371308

>If you're the boss of a business which is turning a profit, and you don't do most of the work yourself, then the only way that you can be making a profit is if you're selling the product of the workers' labour for more than you're paying the workers. This hasn't ever changed.

This is true. Maybe I was off the mark when I said that an unskilled worker is actually worth 20 to 25 quid an hour.

But the truth of the matter is, the actual market value of one hour's work minus what you get paid (and minus overhead, tax and other things, of course) is indeed very much what your boss or the owner of your company pockets for themselves.

If we argue under the premise of a transaction cost model, however, then the profit margin that the employer keeps for themselves is your transaction cost with regards to offering your labour on the market, and your employer is merely an intermediary between you and the eventual customer to whom goods and services which you helped to create through your labour are sold. A roundabout neoliberal way to quip at this would then be to say if those transaction costs are too big for you, just cut out the middle man and start your own business. But being that neoliberalism is a crock of shite to begin with, there is a million and one things wrong with this, too many to mention here...


>>371313

>Not sure about this. There's a pretty strong low-middle-upper class system going on in ancient societies.

This is also very true. In the Roman Empire, there existed a quite distinct class system, and in many Roman cities you had a distinct and prospering middle class. The idea of a basic stratification "wealthy - middle class - poor" of society is arguably as old as human history, or at least human civilisation.

It just seems to be human nature, the nature of human societies to want to divide themselves up into different classes. The wealthy will always try to shut the less fortunate and the poor out and keep among themselves (just look at all the incest that went on for centuries among aristocrats not just in the UK but also in mainland Europe; in some countries, marrying a commoner meant you ran the risk of being stripped of your nobility). And even in socialist societies in the 20th century, despite the way they idealised a classless society in their propaganda, in reality you very much had a ruling class of political functionaries and intricate systems of favouritism that very much did establish an upper class that had all the wealth and means at their disposal that the common people were told were unbecoming of socialist society. Nicolae Ceausescu and his entourage in Romania lived lavishly off the taxes of the common people, and so did the political class in East Germany or Poland.

Love it or hate it, there will probably never be such a thing as a truly classless society.
>> No. 371382 Anonymous
8th February 2014
Saturday 10:26 pm
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>>371314
>The idea of a basic stratification "wealthy - middle class - poor" of society is arguably as old as human history, or at least human civilisation
It can be quite confusing when you use the term "middle class" to refer to a basic stratification when others use it to describe a very specific social category. The middle class as in the bourgeoisie is a recent development by definition.
>> No. 371383 Anonymous
8th February 2014
Saturday 10:37 pm
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Saged yet?

Thought so.
>> No. 371396 Anonymous
9th February 2014
Sunday 12:45 pm
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>>371382
>The middle class as in the bourgeoisie is a recent development by definition.

That might depend on your definition of "bourgeoisie".
If I remember history class correctly, "bourgeoisie" is a term that originated to describe the often capital-owning educated segment within the middle class which began to emerge roughly by the late Middle Ages, and took hold particularly after the French Revolution. In this respect, the 19th century is seen as the first notable heyday of the French and European "bourgeoisie". Hence, two things follow: "bourgeoisie" itself does not denote the whole of "middle class" but just the upper half or upper percentages of it, maybe with a university degree, and modest personal wealth. It implies that a skilled manual worker without higher education who has got a mortgage on a two-bedroom terrace equally falls into the "middle class" category, albeit then again being lower on the social ladder in the end. Secondly, I posit that although it was not called that in Roman times, there already existed a halfway educated capital-owning upper middle class. Merchants in particular were part of this middle class, as were owners of what we would today call small factories, in which goods like pottery and amphorae were produced.

I still maintain that on the bottom line, human society always has and alway will have a tendency to divide itself up into different distinct classes. Even socialism which has as one of its self-proclaimed traits the strong desire for an absence of class structures will in the end always beget a ruling political class which will exploit such a socialist system of government to its own ends, at the expense of the common people off whose taxes this ruling political class will live.
>> No. 371397 Anonymous
9th February 2014
Sunday 1:21 pm
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>>371396
>I still maintain that on the bottom line, human society always has and alway will have a tendency to divide itself up into different distinct classes. Even socialism which has as one of its self-proclaimed traits the strong desire for an absence of class structures will in the end always beget a ruling political class which will exploit such a socialist system of government to its own ends, at the expense of the common people off whose taxes this ruling political class will live.
It's ironic that this is brought up as an inherent deficiency of socialism so often when probably the only area where Marx has directly had a profound lasting influence in mainstream academia is his dismantling of the classical notion of human nature.
>> No. 371398 Anonymous
9th February 2014
Sunday 2:55 pm
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>>371397

well there is a difference between the school of thought of Scientific Socialism which the likes of Marx and Engels laid the foundation for, and actual real-life socialism as it was practiced, or attempted to be practiced, in 20th century Eastern Europe.

I normally don't side with dyed-in-the-wool socialists, because they make it too easy for themselves generally by saying the failed experiment of socialist states that was the Communist Bloc of postwar Europe has no bearing on the validity of the theories of Karl Marx. That is a cheap argumentative cop-out in my opinion. But on the other hand, you cannot deny that the ideals of socialism, of which there are indeed a small handful which aren't necessarily utter hogwash, were in practice corrupted by newly emerging Socialist ruling classes to secure their own power and keep the common people down, to the extent that most Eastern European socialist countries ended up in totalitarianism, replete with totalitarian mechanisms and structures, like secret police and political prisons, to keep the ruling class in power.

What you make of this, is up to you. I think that it proves that socialist theory is incompatible with actual real life. It is just too much against human nature. This does not mean I am in any way in favour of modern-day capitalism and neoliberalism. The latter are the cancer growth of today's globalised world IMO. What I am probably saying is, human nature as a whole is always corrupt enough to make a dog's dinner of even the most well-meaning theoretical ideals.
>> No. 371399 Anonymous
9th February 2014
Sunday 4:02 pm
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>>371398
>I normally don't side with dyed-in-the-wool socialists, because they make it too easy for themselves generally by saying the failed experiment of socialist states that was the Communist Bloc of postwar Europe has no bearing on the validity of the theories of Karl Marx
Every current strain of serious Marxist and socialist thought takes account of lessons from past implementation of socialist policies. Of course plenty of self-identified socialists will argue about there having been no "true socialist society", but outside of academia and professional politicians (to an extent) few people of any political ideology have a particularly deep theoretical understanding of what they profess, so I wouldn't take that as a criticism against the ideology as a whole.

>I think that it proves that socialist theory is incompatible with actual real life
No moreso than the collapse of proto-capitalist city states means capitalism is incompatible with real life.

>It is just too much against human nature
Aristotle believed some humans were naturally born to be slaves. The idea of human nature as some immutable unchanging ideal is absurd at this point.
>> No. 371401 Anonymous
9th February 2014
Sunday 4:35 pm
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>>371399

>I think that it proves that socialist theory is incompatible with actual real life
>No moreso than the collapse of proto-capitalist city states means capitalism is incompatible with real life.

ok then let me rephrase, although if you read my last paragraph carefully you should realise that we're not so far apart after all.

What is incompatible with real life is maybe the ideal of an enduring existence of a land of milk and honey for the common man. Whether you live in a Socialist system which initially promises the people that they won't want for anything and then you end up with empty shelves in supermarkets and secret police throwing dissenters in prison, or capitalism which promises the unwitting public that they will be able to make something of themselves through the fruit of their labour, but then just exploits workers, does away with their rights and robs them of their chance of participating in consumer culture (buying all your goods on tick is not participating in consumer culture).

The fact of the matter is, socialism has failed. As has capitalism. Neither have been able to provide a solid, sustained foundation for perennial personal well-being and relative social and material wealth for anybody outside the respective ruling class.

Our problem nowadays is that compared to socialism, capitalism has a way of allowing the ruling class to garner and maintain its societal power and personal wealth much more efficiently and profoundly than socialism. Because like it or not, capitalism has efficiency going for it. And it has a way of getting the common man to fall in line under this efficiency mantra, forever optimising themselves and their own work output for fear of falling short, but in the end just allowing the ruling class to take ever more advantage of them.

Capitalism did not win. Capitalism didn't win the competiton against socialism as the better of the two. Capitalism has merely outlived socialism. There is a profound difference between winning and outliving. Eventually, capitalism too will topple. One day, we will witness the straw breaking the camel's back. What comes then, who knows. Both socialism and capitalism have had their chance, and have blown it.
>> No. 371402 Anonymous
9th February 2014
Sunday 5:13 pm
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>>371401
>like it or not, capitalism has efficiency going for it
The ability of socialism to provide an efficient alternative to capitalism is dependent on the material conditions in which it's attempted. The fact that socialism failed in an agrarian feudal backwater in the early 20th century does not inherently mean that it's spent as a credible ideology. With the risk of sounding like some techno-utopian nutjob, the productive capacity of the modern western world combined with advances in communication make the inefficiencies of 20th century central planning seem rather less of a problem.

>Capitalism did not win. Capitalism didn't win the competiton against socialism as the better of the two. Capitalism has merely outlived socialism. There is a profound difference between winning and outliving. Eventually, capitalism too will topple. One day, we will witness the straw breaking the camel's back. What comes then, who knows. Both socialism and capitalism have had their chance, and have blown it.
As I said, proto-capitalist city states were outlived and absorbed by feudal and imperial states. That didn't mean that capitalism was a dead force which had "blown its chance". Perhaps you're using the term "socialism" in a more narrow way than I interpret it.
>> No. 371403 Anonymous
9th February 2014
Sunday 5:23 pm
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>>371402
>The fact that socialism failed in an agrarian feudal backwater in the early 20th century does not inherently mean that it's spent as a credible ideology.
Very much this. One also doesn't have to socialise everything. For a good example of socialised practice, look at the NHS. It is by no small margin the single most effective system in the world - nowhere that spends a comparable amount gets comparable results, and nowhere that gets comparable results spends a comparable amount.
>> No. 371411 Anonymous
9th February 2014
Sunday 7:10 pm
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>>371401

What was that about capitalism being efficient?

It does effectively transfer wealth to the wealthy away from the poor, because that's really all it is, but does so through criminal inefficiency. All hierarchies are inefficient. Private capitalism beat state capitalism only through virtue of liberalism, decentralisation and pluralism.
>> No. 371419 Anonymous
9th February 2014
Sunday 8:33 pm
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>>371403
>Very much this. One also doesn't have to socialise everything. For a good example of socialised practice, look at the NHS.

yes, but that's a bit like comparing a small business to a multinational worldwide corporation. Just because you can run a small business effectively and with good success doesn't mean that your skill is transferable to such a scale that it enables you to run that multinational corporation.

What we've got with the NHS is one nationalised entity embedded into the framework of what politician will still insist is a market economy in which efficiency is rewarded. And even the NHS has to work within certain budgetary constraints, it isn't a free-for-all.
>> No. 371420 Anonymous
9th February 2014
Sunday 8:42 pm
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>>371411

as I insinuated in my post, capitalism's efficiency does tend to be one-sided, it tends to be efficient at transferring wealth from the lower classes to the rich. Wealth which the lower classes generated in the first place.

>It does effectively transfer wealth to the wealthy away from the poor

That's what I meant... It is very good at that, and much more efficient at it than socialism.
>> No. 371421 Anonymous
9th February 2014
Sunday 8:43 pm
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>>371419
>Just because you can run a small business effectively and with good success doesn't mean that your skill is transferable to such a scale that it enables you to run that multinational corporation.
Which part of "doesn't have to socialise everything" was to difficult for you to grasp?
>> No. 371423 Anonymous
9th February 2014
Sunday 9:01 pm
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>>371421

I grasped all of it.

What I meant was, it's one thing to socialise/nationalise isolated entities. But quite another to socialise a country's entire economic and administrative structure.

Yes, the NHS works, for better or worse. It's a working example of a socialised administrative body that has served us well. But my point wasn't to doubt the idea that it's a good approach to socialise only some entities and leave others alone. My point was that just because it works with ONE entity, doesn't mean that it is in any way proof that a whole country can be run that way efficiently. The further up you step on the complexity ladder (hence my comparison between small businesses and multinational corporations), the less likely it will be that things will function properly for an extended period of time.

That was my point.
>> No. 371424 Anonymous
9th February 2014
Sunday 9:59 pm
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>>371423
>But quite another to socialise a country's entire economic and administrative structure.
Quite, which is why I very specifically didn't advocate doing any such thing. I suspect that we may be at least partly at cross-purposes here. I quite agree that one should adopt a suitable model for particular things - a socialist model would not work for distributing food, and the capitalist model isn't entirely suitable for running public transport (especially the railways).
>> No. 371427 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 12:05 pm
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>>371423

> What I meant was, it's one thing to socialise/nationalise isolated entities. But quite another to socialise a country's entire economic and administrative structure.

You're right, nothing can be achieved by nations running planned economies, it just doesn't work
>> No. 371430 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 2:38 pm
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Would limiting the size of business solve the problems of capitalism? Put a a cap on the profit made by a business, the owner could have their nice salary, all the drones paid but any access would go to the government for the use of bettering society.
This is probably bullshit but I'm hear to learn, init.
>> No. 371431 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 2:47 pm
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>>371430
That would be equivalent to a 100% tax bracket, and we know what big companies are like when it comes to tax.
>> No. 371432 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 3:09 pm
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>>371431
Only because HMRC are complicit in their schemes.
>> No. 371433 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 3:13 pm
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>>371430
Limiting profits doesn't stop a company being a monopoly, they'd just do exactly what the public sector does and be inefficient as hell because they've no reason to change things.

I don't see much problem with capitalism at all to be honest, even it's worst forms are really rather good.
>> No. 371435 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 3:19 pm
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>>371431

This was actually tried in East Germany with personal income. You paid fairly acceptable income tax up to a monthly taxable income of 3900 East German Marks (maybe some 2,500 to 3000 GBP in today's money, adjusting for inflation and much lower price levels in general for everyday goods in East Germany, if they were available at all). Anything above that threshold was taxed to death, because for every penny above those 3900 Marks, you paid 90 percent income tax.

It stifled entrepreneurship in East Germany, and was one reason why there was a thriving black market economy. Because people either thought, why bother going through all the trouble of starting your own business if you'll never see a financial reward in terms of your own income, or the real money was earned "on the side".

In order for a market economy to work as we understand it, there must be incentives for those who dare take on more personal risk than the average person and want to move up in the world.

But the truth is also that unbridled capitalism will always tend to favour big corporations, which will harm such market economy structures even more than socialism. Because "big business" always has a way over time of eliminating competiton and steering towards monopolism. And the first casualties falling by the wayside will always be small businesses.
>> No. 371437 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 4:07 pm
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>>371435

You don't need to look abroad. Here in Britain, the top rate of tax was 90% throughout the 1950s and 60s, briefly reached 98% during the doldrums of the 70s and remained at over 70% until the 1980s. This created a generation of tax exiles - any wealthy person who could possibly avoid being resident in the UK did so, therefore depriving the treasury not just of their income tax, but also of the secondary taxation on their spending.

We have also historically taxed the poor at much higher rates than we do today. The basic rate was 35% until the mid-1970s, with a very small tax-free allowance.
>> No. 371438 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 4:17 pm
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>>371437
Yeah but the difference was that it was more broadly tiered, unlike the East German flat tax, right?
>> No. 371443 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 8:05 pm
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>>371433

So you're saying the current state of late-stage capitalism is really rather good? Where people in this country are having to refuse food from food banks because they can't afford to cook it?
>> No. 371444 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 8:33 pm
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>>371443

I regret that capitalism can stretch a lot further than liberal democracy can take it.
>> No. 371445 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 9:17 pm
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I had a dream yesterday where I put two pairs of leather shoes on a horse and rode it round an underground hall in front of all my ex schoolmates.
Ask me anything.
>> No. 371446 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 9:33 pm
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>>371443
Yes, it's rather excellent. Almost everyone has more money than they know what to do with and find bollocks to spunk it all on.
>> No. 371451 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 11:21 pm
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>>371446

Except they don't, for a start. And those that do have it at the expense of others.

I have no problem with capitalism as a means of economic activity in general. However, the foremost and most harmful flaw is the way in which the riches filter increasingly towards the upper tiers of society. There has to be something which helps the distribution stay at a more balanced, healthy rate, and sharing the gains around rather than making a few richer at the expense of others.

Someone above compared it to a game of pass the parcel and everyone seemed to miss out on it but that's exactly what this is- If money keeps concentrating into the hands of the rich, it's just going to carry on. Sure the rich will always be rich and able to survive without the peons, but it won't stop there. This elite class will carry on in much the same manner and wealth will simply end up concentrated into fewer and fewer hands until logically, we only have one rich bastard left who owns everything. The winner of capitalism, if you will.

In the past I've proposed such mad ideas as making it mandatory to spend money and liquidate assets within 5 years beyond a certain allowance, so as to stimulate economic activity. But I think precisely that kind of mad outside the box thinking is the only way to save our current economy. Otherwise we are heading for a very grim future indeed; sure things internationally wil be more of a level playing field but this new global equality doesn't exactly comfort me much when the price is basically returning to feudalism.
>> No. 371452 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 11:35 pm
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>>371445
What do you think of the current state of western capitalism?
>> No. 371453 Anonymous
11th February 2014
Tuesday 12:21 am
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>>371451
Haha.
>> No. 371455 Anonymous
11th February 2014
Tuesday 12:54 am
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>>371445
Why is BT customer service consistently voted the worst out of all the other telecommunications providers?
You all knew it was coming.
>> No. 371457 Anonymous
11th February 2014
Tuesday 1:10 am
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>>371451

Why are the rich, who control the political machinery, ever going to be interested in implementing anything that will make them poorer? And how precisely can you tacitly approve of capitalism whilst condemning wealth inequality? The whole point of capitalism is to increase wealth inequality.
>> No. 371474 Anonymous
11th February 2014
Tuesday 1:46 pm
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>>371451

As I posited further up in this thread, a functioning market economy as we understand it imperatively requires the curtailing of unbridled big-corporation capitalism through wise and prudent economic policy by a government.

A drive towards monopolisation as often instigated by these big corporations is in reality yet another facet of what you mention as the "riches filter[ing] increasingly towards the upper tiers of society".
>> No. 371477 Anonymous
11th February 2014
Tuesday 3:13 pm
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I had a strange dream last night. I was doing an Apprentice like challenge, though Lord Sugar was no where to be seen plus I'm fairly certain I was in America & Alan wasn't involved.

The first part was to step onto the floor underneath a door. I happened to be right next to it, so took a step forward and won. Though it seemed to have little bearing on anything else.

The second part was for everyone to set up some tables and chairs. This managed to divide us into two groups, which then became the two teams. We had to elect a leader from within our team, I wanted to be team leader but so did someone else. I thought about pointing out how well I had done in the first part but decided to stand aside and let this other chapm8 have a crack.

The challenge was to sell as many coffees as possible to people within the store.

Our team leader took the coffee pot and started to move off. I pointed out that he could give us some in takeaway cups so we could try and sell them. -Wasn't having it. I mentioned that there were lots more coffee containers in a cupboard and we could use these to set up coffee points inside and outside the store for maximum coverage. -It was at this stage our leader ordered us to stand down and not do anything. He would handle it all. So we did.

In the end our team sold 2 coffees, the other team sold 3.

Then I woke up and had some coffee.
>> No. 371478 Anonymous
11th February 2014
Tuesday 3:32 pm
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>>371477
Subliminal advertising.
>> No. 371496 Anonymous
12th February 2014
Wednesday 4:15 pm
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>>371452
Sorry for being off topic :/
>> No. 371503 Anonymous
13th February 2014
Thursday 10:55 am
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I had a dream last night that I had an infection of worms in the flesh of my legs. Long, thin things the colour of marigold gloves. The heads and tails would protrude from the skin at both ends. Only way to sort it out is to cut one end of the worm off then pull the rest of it out the other end, then cauterise as much of the inside of the wound as possible using a windproof lighter.
>> No. 371504 Anonymous
13th February 2014
Thursday 12:03 pm
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Since I've gone on Mirtazapine, I keep having these bizarrely realistic dreams, some of which tell a story just like I am inside a movie or something. They feel so incredibly real. They're so full of detail.

It's a welcome escape from my dreary everyday life.
>> No. 371508 Anonymous
13th February 2014
Thursday 2:42 pm
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>>371503
This has also reminded me of that dream where my penis was a sort of mutated rhizomal coral-like structure starting near my right buttock and coming around to where my genitals actually are. I was trying to clean it by scraping large amounts of thick creamy smegma out from under the various foreskin-like flaps.
>> No. 371510 Anonymous
13th February 2014
Thursday 2:48 pm
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>>371508
http://vimeo.com/86014703
>> No. 371513 Anonymous
13th February 2014
Thursday 3:56 pm
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>>371510
What does that have to do with anything?
>> No. 371593 Anonymous
14th February 2014
Friday 8:17 pm
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>>371504
I got incredibly intense and surreal dreams when I was on mirtazapine too. I took myself off it a few months ago and now I can't sleep through the night properly any more and still spend most of my mental energy trying to run away from the thoughts of how crushingly hopeless my existence is, but at least I don't have disturbing dreams of being consumed by my desire to have sex with statues whilst trying to escape the police.
>> No. 371633 Anonymous
15th February 2014
Saturday 11:18 am
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>>371593

I started taking it as a sleeping aid, because certain problems in my life which still persist and which I can't really do much about wouldn't let me sleep at night. I've been on it for quite some time now, and I believe I still need it for its sleep-inducing effect. And I do enjoy the quite vivid dreams I keep having. Maybe one day I will manage to sort my life out. But for the time being, I think it's better to keep taking the stuff.
>> No. 371701 Anonymous
17th February 2014
Monday 9:07 am
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I dreamt characters from The Wire were playing doubles tennis. Bodie and McNulty versus Poot and Carver. The match stopped when Bodie got his racket tangled in his hoody.
>> No. 371740 Anonymous
17th February 2014
Monday 9:41 pm
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This was an oddly vivid dream that I remember pretty much everything about

All the roads and trainlines were flooded and for some reason I really needed to get to my mate in at oxford uni. The only way I could get there was in a WWII Soviet LaGG-3 plane. I remember flying over oxford but it looked like Venice because it too was flooded. I eventually came to a hill, but my engine cut out and I crashed through the window of "Not Graham Norton" college, and got out without a scratch. I then made my way out and all the flooding was gone, but it was night time. I eventually made it to my mate's college to find it all fenced off and on the quad they were doing some sort of ritual around a pile of grass. The gate was open, though, so I walked in and as soon as I did the "ritual-master" spotted me and ordered me to start carrying the fences away. I obliged and started carrying them somewhere, and that's all I remember.

A little anticlimactic but I wanted to get it written down before I forget and here's as good a place as any.
>> No. 371788 Anonymous
19th February 2014
Wednesday 10:29 pm
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I seem to have a lot of dreams lately about being killed, very strange as i never seem to care about what is going on inside the dream.
>> No. 371789 Anonymous
19th February 2014
Wednesday 11:00 pm
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I woke up with vague memories of dreams of bumming a lady today.
>> No. 371807 Anonymous
20th February 2014
Thursday 8:12 pm
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>>371789

I dreamt that I got bummed once by a lady and it wasn't that unpleasant.
>> No. 371810 Anonymous
20th February 2014
Thursday 9:45 pm
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>>371807
>I got bummed once by a lady and it wasn't that unpleasant.

that... may not have been a real lady, m8t.
>> No. 371811 Anonymous
20th February 2014
Thursday 9:50 pm
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>>371810

In my dream it was.
>> No. 371815 Anonymous
20th February 2014
Thursday 10:02 pm
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>>371811

I was expressing assumption when saying "may not have been".

I actually once had a dream that my then-girlfriend all of a sudden had a detachable penis. In that dream, she eventually got fed up with it and gave it to me, so I would have two. Not sure why me having two penises seemed like a good idea to her in that dream.

I'm also not sure what that says about me or my dreams... I told her about my dream when I woke up, and she just said "you are a weird person sometimes!" (stressing the "are" as if this was the proof she needed to come to this conclusion).
>> No. 371816 Anonymous
20th February 2014
Thursday 10:02 pm
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>>371813

That's a lot more weird than my ladyboy dreams mate, thank god I have you as a proverbial dipstick into the dream world to keep my perversions in check.
>> No. 371818 Anonymous
20th February 2014
Thursday 10:09 pm
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>>371816

yes, I will admit that this was a weird dream.

Maybe one day when I end up in psychiatric care I will have the chance to sit opposite an experienced professional to discuss this dream in the hope of a scientific explanation.
>> No. 371819 Anonymous
20th February 2014
Thursday 10:16 pm
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>>371815
>Not sure why me having two penises seemed like a good idea to her in that dream.
>I told her about my dream when I woke up, and she just said "you are a weird person sometimes!"

The only reason she reacted in this way is because you haven't taught her to love anal stimulation yet.
>> No. 371841 Anonymous
21st February 2014
Friday 12:36 am
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>>371818

I quite like the way it bypasses all Freudian symbolism and just goes straight for a detachable cock.
>> No. 371847 Anonymous
21st February 2014
Friday 1:08 am
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>>371818

As a former patient, I could get no one to talk to me about the nightmares I was having.

I told them one day that someone was talking to me that I knew couldn't possibly be there and they just shrugged and asked me if it was causing me anxiety and would I "like a sedative?"

I took that sedative.

Moral of the story? I will waffle about any old shite if given the chance.
>> No. 371849 Anonymous
21st February 2014
Friday 8:18 am
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I dreamt that I was in a debate as to whether the headquarters of HBOS should be in Scotland or Halifax. In the end it was decided it should be in Scotland and Halifax should be given something else as a consolation. Even my dreams are boring.
>> No. 371850 Anonymous
21st February 2014
Friday 11:53 am
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>>371847

how does the old joke go...

A man is committed to an asylum and given a few initial tests to assess his mental state.

The doctor draws a picture of a house on a piece of paper and calmly asks the man, "Alright, tell me what this makes you think of". The man looks at the picture of the house, and says, "Sex. It makes me think of sex".

"Very well," the doctor continues, and draws a picture of a tree. When asked again what the picture of the tree makes him think of, the man replies, "Again, sex!!".

The doctor now raises his eyebrow at the patient with subdued bewilderment.

"Now, one more time, tell me what you think," he finally says, while drawing an image of a car on yet another piece of paper.

"Sex. The car makes me think of sex!", the man exclaims yet again.

Now visibly puzzled, the doctor says to the man, "What is wrong with you... you are completely sex-obsessed!!"

Throwing his hands in the air, the man replies "Well, what is wrong with YOU... you're the one who keeps drawing those filthy pictures!!"
>> No. 371863 Anonymous
22nd February 2014
Saturday 2:19 am
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I went to bed about 6am yesterday and for some reason woke up at half past eleven at night, missing the entire day. Actually had stuff I wanted to do! Now I have no milk and no bread. What a nightmare.

On the plus side, I had a dream where I had to remote connect to a computer in order to help some disabled people alter some files about them. I had to guess an administrator password to do it. I guessed, "Balls," and it was right! First try! I was so dream-proud of myself.

I think I dreamt of balls, because I was watching the twitch plays pokemon stream when we went into the pokecentre to purchase great balls, so that we'd have a chance of catching Snorlax. People kept saying, "Balls! We need balls!" in the chatbox.
>> No. 371865 Anonymous
22nd February 2014
Saturday 9:05 am
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just before I woke up I dreamt I was sitting opposite a guy with friends all around me... we ended up in a butter fight just tearing chnks of butter off and luzzing them at eachother... he never managed to hit me and I kept hitting him in the face with it... I think I chuckled outside of my sleep

he started saying he gave up but I kept nailing him with perfect butter lobs and me and my friends were cracking up

then I woke up (not sure who he was or which friends were on my side)
>> No. 371869 Anonymous
22nd February 2014
Saturday 12:01 pm
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I had some erotic or romantic dream which now escapes me, followed by another one where I found a couple who'd been literally run over; their feet on the pavement, heads in the road, the blokes bead was almost flattened. Anyway I called for then waited for the EMTs. A bus driver managed to pull up on the pair of them while we were waiting. He didn't see them and just smiled and waved when I tried to get his attention. The bloke was dead when the EMT arrived, his head popped off when she tried to check him for signs of life. His girlfriend looked dead but apparently had a heartbeat. That was about it.
>> No. 371872 Anonymous
22nd February 2014
Saturday 1:32 pm
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>>371869

But what does that mean?
>> No. 371874 Anonymous
22nd February 2014
Saturday 1:39 pm
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anybody watch Terminator II on telly last night?

I think it was on Film4 or something.

Anyway, last night after watching the movie, I dreamed about the Terminator, and about trying to prevent Judgement Day and nuclear war.

Oh yes, and somehow, weirdly, in my dream the Terminator taught me how to talk like him. You know, the whole Ahnold Schwarzenegger accent...
>> No. 371875 Anonymous
22nd February 2014
Saturday 2:05 pm
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>>371872
I'm gonna kill you.
>> No. 371878 Anonymous
22nd February 2014
Saturday 2:41 pm
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>>371872
He's a nut.
>> No. 371879 Anonymous
22nd February 2014
Saturday 2:54 pm
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Dream 1. Dreamed I was trying to seduce a girl- not posh but "well bred" ? Princesses handmaiden or something. Was living in a tidy shared flat, white walls and partitions. I had condoms but we didn't properly get it on. I remember bringing her into the flat, to a double bed that was in the centre of the room and necking with her. I almost got her off with smart use of kissing/biting her neck. She had to leave and got dressed. I remember looking at her arse and being a little glad I didn't go through with it, it wasn't a nice arse. Not unpleasant but meh. She was quite pale with a brown ponytail (hairstyle). I remember her having a dark blue strappy top which I took her out of, and a bra-strap underneath, possibly a light pink colour. Straight after that she was wearing some airy transparent top which lengthened into a transparent dressing-gown when she stood to get dressed.

Dream 2. Everything's icy. A bridge is out, I'm trying to go home. Cross the makeshift icefloe bridge into someones house/window then go down a windy vertical tunnel lined with sheepskin. The people here expect me to stay the night. Despite being far below the river, this place is in a small skyscraper. I think there are instruments in this room, it's fairly dark but cosy.

Dream 3. Starts with a third eye view of spiderman smashing his way in through a window to remove a huge squat minotaur, a gold crown on one of its horns and one or two other bits. It goes, then above a dark alleywayish thing I am now spiderman only wearing piratey style white shirt and tight trousers. Webspinners are now a whip and a torch that I struggle to work - (My old drug dealer) and someone possibly (one of his female hippoo friends) are in a building holed up; against some weirdly long zombies.

Dream 4. Feels a bit doctor whoish. Starts with walking past some guy talking to a newsreader on the street about some time when his legs and arms were amputated, goes on to see lots of people a bit worried about this thing called the "cat catcher" some weird thing it's implied is going to appear some time in the future and cut off peoples limbs. A scyth weapon of some sort. I get to an attic of young people who seem to know about it and am asking them.

Dream 5. Fairly incoherent mess of what seems like a knock-off Total Annihilation. A few views of the menu, 2 rounds the second of which never completes. My opponent seems to be some sort of professory-type, not evil just opposing.

Dream 6. In a physical room which also seems to be b3ta/talk. Some of the long-term posters are experimenting with posting sigils, something in the html like symbols but bigger. In the real room version, they are discussing ages, and possibly the ranges of ages of those they've slept with.

Dream 7. I am some sort of character in a Toy Story-like N64 game in that the graphics are very old. I am a dog thing that's chasing... something, a train with criminals on? We were following them in a car until this point- anyway, I have to complete the minigame of pushing all these bears (that look a little like pooh; they're a big family) out of some water onto the other side, to get passage towards wherever the train is. This is watched over by a green toy alien who looks more like a fat Kip from futurama than the toys from toy story. I manage to push all the bears required out of the water, as well as an extra one for points who wasn't required. I have the feeling that other things are helping me in this task but I never focus or think of them.

Dream 8. Vague memory of someone criticising my haircut, as though it were cut with clippers. I retort that it was.

Dream 9. Back up north, briefly visiting (ex-girlfriend) for some reason. I have a seperate room (it's a different house structurally) and manage to kick her out whenever she comes in. Her friend Lucy is also there and glares at me for turning (ex-girlfriend) down. Both of them look terrible.

Dream 10. Walking along a pavement at the top of a slope in bright sunshine. I spot my friend James, and notice on my netbook he's blocked me on msn, although I message him anyway. I chase after him but he's gone. I go back to my netbook on the pavement, and it's by two guys who tell me that my phone's fallen through this crack that I can see there, full of red-lit water and bottomless. Now without moving it's some political speech, a politician who looks like Sven Gorran Erikksen sat in front of me reading from a paper. I spit water at him and one of the guys kicks me lightly in the back of the head, making it look like the spitting was an accident, we laugh at the politician. Then there's a guy who looks like a cross between Peep Show's Jeremy and Chris Morris- he's on "our side" whatever that means. The politician keeps sending out videos of him bumraping people in a mask. Then one of our guys appears behind *him* in a mask and we're in a brightly coloured Apple store that sells music, people start dancing a bit. A security guard who works for the enemies is hiding under a table, with a walrus sat at the table, pretending he is it. We pull him out, disarm him then knock both of them out with headbutts (headbutting a walrus?) and now Johnny Vegas is here and we're discussing whether this is a new setting (by the sea apparently, although we're still in the shop) for Ideal.

Dream 11. I seem to have cress growing out of my shoulder. The roots are stuck under my skin. When I pull them out, they snap and leave the ends behind. It leaves ridges in my flesh.
>> No. 371891 Anonymous
22nd February 2014
Saturday 6:25 pm
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I had a dream where my photo was up on some website (it wasn't a bad pic or anything, just a pic of my head). People I know, my family, my friends, were all laughing at my pic on this website. It felt like a shameful experience, and I don't quite know why.
>> No. 371902 Anonymous
23rd February 2014
Sunday 2:57 am
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I was infiltrating a nazi castle and using a banana instead of a gun. My companion was loading bullets into his banana and I was mortified because I thought it was a training scenario. He winked at me and said "It's just a laugh mate it can't hurt". I got frustrated when I pointed my banana at people and shouted "PEW PEW PEW" and they just alerted people to my presence instead of dying. The first time I just punched him in the face and ran, the second time my friend got caught. When I got into the castle there were ceremonial guards everywhere but they didn't give a fuck.
>> No. 371903 Anonymous
23rd February 2014
Sunday 3:27 am
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Twice in the last few months I have dreamed about going to Heathrow to go on holiday. I'm waiting with my family in view of the runway when a plane comes in to land and crashes and burns in spectacular fashion. Instantly I realise that we can't go on holiday because of this and start making plans to return home. I'm not even that disappointed about it.


It's clearly about the fact that I am trapped in my nice cosy flat by circumstance but I'm mostly not that bothered. It's nice and cosy and I'm close enough to central London to go out and have a good time whenever I want.
>> No. 371920 Anonymous
23rd February 2014
Sunday 1:02 pm
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Quite a weird dream I had just last night.

I was staying in a swanky five-star hotel in London with coworkers from my former company (oddly enough), and we were kept waiting the whole time by my old boss. He was going to give a speech of some sort, and when he finally did arrive, he said that the speech was a "secret affair" and that his audience, for government secrecy reasons, would only consist of GCHQ operatives. He told us we weren't allowed in the conference room, and told us to go do some sightseeing in London.

Even more weirdly, a while later while we were walking through London, all of a sudden we saw my old boss being arrested by police for speeding. And one of my coworkers whispered in my ear, "I'm sure the GCHQ are doing him in because they didn't like what he told them".

What a weird dream.
>> No. 371925 Anonymous
23rd February 2014
Sunday 4:38 pm
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>>371891
Was it a bit like this?

http://www.youtube.com/v/ZpPGE8NllUI
>> No. 371926 Anonymous
23rd February 2014
Sunday 5:35 pm
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>>371925
Jesus Christ, that's how it happened. What the hell.
>> No. 371928 Anonymous
23rd February 2014
Sunday 9:51 pm
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I dreamed two days ago that I was on the Dean Bridge in Edinburgh at night time and I found a trap door above one of the arches (the bridge doesn't even have arches) leading to a metal spiral staircase going underground (where I found Virginia Woolf, but she didn't say anything, I just followed her). When I reached the bottom I found myself in my parent's bathroom at night time and accidentally woke them up when I walked out. And then I woke up within the dream in a farmhouse in the Pyrenees, with an amazing view of the fictional kingdom of Monsalvat. I was enjoying the view when loads of wild boars wearing human clothes began to charge against the house and pile up the walls until they were coming through the windows. Honestly the best dream I've had in ages.
>> No. 371929 Anonymous
23rd February 2014
Sunday 10:07 pm
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>>371928

That sounds like a lot of fun.
>> No. 371930 Anonymous
23rd February 2014
Sunday 10:32 pm
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>>371928

I'd rather have a mad party up the top of the Finnieston Crane.

http://www.youtube.com/v/gSwfg_28f5s
>> No. 371933 Anonymous
24th February 2014
Monday 3:59 pm
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Never heard of Limmy's Show before, I've got to say it's proper good.

Hunneds o' piur wee mad an' all tha', ken?
>> No. 371935 Anonymous
24th February 2014
Monday 4:07 pm
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have you lot ever had it happen to you that in one of your dreams, a whole song that you know just played out, just like you would listen to it on your, erm, preferred audio device?

Last night, I had some weird kind of dream about visiting my sister in France (she does live in France with her French husband, right on the beach in a little hamlet in Normandy), and the whole time, "Pendant que les champs brûlent" by Niagara was playing in my dream.

Also, what an odd choice of song for a dream... an obscure French pop song from more than 20 years ago, by a band that disbanded a long time ago, and was never really a hot ticket to begin with...

See for yourself:

http://www.youtube.com/v/NTVvmCAEg3A
>> No. 371936 Anonymous
24th February 2014
Monday 5:10 pm
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>>371935
Once I dreamed I was observing Hitler's funeral (which was taking place in an allotment) and I remember Siegfried's funeral march was being played, which has sort of ruined it for me now.

Also last night I remember I was systematically breaking blocks of sandstone around my garden while being watched eagerly by my classmates, and there was a small maths class made up of people I've known in the past sitting on the grass in the middle of the lawn.
>> No. 371937 Anonymous
24th February 2014
Monday 6:31 pm
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Last night I dreamed that I broke into someone's house in a cul-de-sac which involved crawling over other people's lawns in an effort to avoid detection. When we got in there was almost nothing there but I did try semi-raping a young girl and I found two PS4s in the young boy's room which was hidden away at the back.
>> No. 371938 Anonymous
24th February 2014
Monday 6:36 pm
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>>371937
Lad.
>> No. 371947 Anonymous
25th February 2014
Tuesday 10:33 am
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I don't seem to dream any more. Used to get really, really cross, but never any details, just properly irate.
Anyway, I only said that to justify posting this week's oglaf, which fits this thread nicely. Although all three of us probably already read it.
http://oglaf.com/croutons/
>> No. 371948 Anonymous
25th February 2014
Tuesday 11:16 am
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Last night's dreams involved going down video-game waterslides and sewers with my ex (with us both in the form of rat-like avatars) and going into a massive burned-out pub that I somehow hadn't noticed in the grounds of my old school. It was incredibly detailed; I remember examining the flock wallpaper walls, the velvet-upholstered booths and the carved gantry which were all exquisite and obviously well-made, but above our heads there was just blackened beams open to the sky. Another one involved my taking some food from my local supermarket, being shouted at by some sort of supervisor that I was shoplifting, and then promptly informing her that I was simply nipping back to mine to get my wallet which would of course not make it shoplifting at all. When I got back to the supermarket the food I'd left behind was gone, but no one got on my case about nicking the food.
>> No. 371955 Anonymous
25th February 2014
Tuesday 7:49 pm
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http://www.youtube.com/v/hwTxPwmWv1o
>> No. 371956 Anonymous
25th February 2014
Tuesday 7:51 pm
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>>371948
I never played Warhammer Fantasy but I always thought if I did, I'd play Skaven.
>> No. 371963 Anonymous
25th February 2014
Tuesday 9:08 pm
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>>371956
They were closer to stoats, actually; when I said they were like avatars I meant like Japanese cartoon animals. All cutesy and big eyes. At one point I was going down a large slide or track that looked a lot like the ones in FZeroX but blue, with little powerup squares that kept you speeding along it.
>> No. 371964 Anonymous
25th February 2014
Tuesday 9:25 pm
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>>371963
Skaven are awesome though.
>> No. 371965 Anonymous
25th February 2014
Tuesday 9:27 pm
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>>371955
Hah thanks for that.
>> No. 371971 Anonymous
25th February 2014
Tuesday 10:31 pm
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I had a brief end of a dream this morning.

My ex girlfriend was giving me a christmas present.

It was a card from her parents.

It was a written guide on how to make friends with people in the black metal scene.

I don't know.
>> No. 371986 Anonymous
26th February 2014
Wednesday 12:46 am
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>>371971
I hope you sent them a thank-you card.
>> No. 372050 Anonymous
27th February 2014
Thursday 6:24 pm
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>>371971

I had recurring dreams about my last girlfriend when we first broke up. Well, she broke up with me.

The dreams were all subtly different, but they all had a common theme; her throwing her hands in the air and telling me "that's it, you're on your own, I'm out" and similar things to that effect. Like I said, the dreams were all subtly different. One was about the time we did go to Magaluf together, and just as we were about to check in at the airport, she told me she was out. Or in another dream about when we were looking at flats to move in together, again, something we did do in real life, once again, right in the middle of things, she said "you know what, I'm out".

I mean, quite obviously, this was my subconscious coming to grips with the fact that all we shared and did together had dissolved into thin air... but still, it was remarkable to me how many different permutations this one dream had, and how it always ended very similarly with her wanting out of things.
>> No. 372053 Anonymous
27th February 2014
Thursday 6:44 pm
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Last time we had a thread about dreams a few years back I shared this story, but it is a weird one so I'll share it again.

I was in an American styled school, lockers down the sides of the corridors. I enter a classroom on my left, it is empty save for desks and a retangular box writing something on the blackboard. I realise it is a robot, but not just any robot. This is the robot from Wallace and Gromit's Big Day Out (the now infamous robot moon oven). He pulls a knife and says "You must die now!" And comes at me, then I wake up.

Tears streaming down my face I screamed "Why robot moon oven, why?" Not really, but I remember I was crying. 8 year old me did not sleep that night.
>> No. 372058 Anonymous
27th February 2014
Thursday 9:23 pm
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>>372053
Because.

Also fucking hell, I just realized that Grand Day out is almost 25 years old.
>> No. 372059 Anonymous
27th February 2014
Thursday 9:32 pm
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>>372058

And now I'm having a panic attack about my squandered youth.
>> No. 372391 Anonymous
4th March 2014
Tuesday 6:39 am
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I just woke up from a dream in which I'd just found out Adam Buxton had died. I was genuinely upset, but a quick internet search revealed that he is very much not dead.
>> No. 372392 Anonymous
4th March 2014
Tuesday 6:41 am
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>>372391

I wish those two wankers would be found in a double strangle-wank accident.

Sage for being slightly off topic.
>> No. 372396 Anonymous
4th March 2014
Tuesday 8:30 am
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>>372392
STEPHEN!
>> No. 372403 Anonymous
4th March 2014
Tuesday 12:16 pm
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>>372396

JUST COMING!
>> No. 372404 Anonymous
4th March 2014
Tuesday 12:20 pm
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Last night, I dreamed that I was back together with my ex girlfriend, but somehow at the same time I was with somebody new.

The dream consisted of me secretly travelling back and forth from here to Birmingham where my ex lives, and trying to not let one girlfriend know about the other.

And if that isn't weird, somehow along the way, Daniel Craig in his role as James Bond appeared in my dream and said "You're doing well as a double agent, mate... we're always looking for fresh talent, maybe being a spy would be just the thing for you!"
>> No. 372431 Anonymous
5th March 2014
Wednesday 12:14 pm
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>>372404
Sounds a bit like that show where Nicholas Lyndhurst plays a time travelling bigamist.
>> No. 372432 Anonymous
5th March 2014
Wednesday 2:24 pm
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Las night I dreamed I had a girlfriend.
>> No. 372434 Anonymous
5th March 2014
Wednesday 3:33 pm
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>>372432
Last night I dreamt I helped a young girl who had injured herself and I carried her to her house only to find it was my lecturer's daughter who praised me for helping her.

I was quite pleased with that dream until I realised my lecturer has only one daughter IIRC and she's 13. I can't believe I feel disgusted with myself over a dream.
>> No. 372435 Anonymous
5th March 2014
Wednesday 3:42 pm
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>>372434
Yewtreelad, we've got another one for the list.
>> No. 372437 Anonymous
5th March 2014
Wednesday 7:26 pm
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Not lately, but I once dreamed that I was shopping in a supermarket and saw David Cameron walking towards me down the aisle, not part of some publicity thing, just walking around.

I said hi to him and shook his hand but he basically passive -aggressively insulted me for being on benefits, but all done in a friendly voice while wearing a shit-eating grin. It wasn't dissimilar to Johnson from Peep Show. Then he walked off and even in the dream it was one of those moments that doesn't quite register until it's over.
>> No. 372438 Anonymous
5th March 2014
Wednesday 7:30 pm
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I dreamed something about how purple was linked to Grimace but I can't remember the reasoning behind it other than the colour. I'm certain it was deeper than that but may not have made sense.
>> No. 372441 Anonymous
5th March 2014
Wednesday 10:07 pm
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>>372438
Ask ARE EMZ.
>> No. 372442 Anonymous
5th March 2014
Wednesday 10:23 pm
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>>372441
>You must be logged in to post a comment.
Too much effort.
>> No. 372443 Anonymous
6th March 2014
Thursday 7:52 am
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Chris and Pui from Cbeebies were hapless gangsters. Chris was the boss and Pui, with her head shaven and then stubble drawn on in biro, was in charge of inventions. She was meant to make a flying vehicle, but she couldn't, so she tried to distract them with one of those helicopter toys where you pull the cord out. In the end Chris took over a football team and made them sing Modern Major General.
>> No. 372567 Anonymous
10th March 2014
Monday 6:51 am
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I went to a Brother Ali gig and he was wearing a ginger wig and fake tan.
>> No. 372575 Anonymous
10th March 2014
Monday 3:37 pm
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I wrote the following very early in the morning during a brief moment of not-asleep-ness. Pasting here now.

"Man and lady partner in bed together. They hear a strange noise from downstairs. The lady asks the man to investigate, but the man is very nervous. Eventually he ends up in the living room. He hits on intruder. The intruder is Nick Frost; a family friend. The Man is now me. Eventually lots of people turn up, but none of them know that Nick Frost had broken in. I get angry and shout him down in front of everyone. I'm not really sure what happened next, but I remember lying in bed (still dreaming) picking lice eggs out of my hair."
>> No. 372581 Anonymous
10th March 2014
Monday 4:49 pm
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On new drugs, my dreams now consist of strong visual images rather than a story or series of events. Last night's was of the gyrificated surface of a brain slowly morphing into the compound eye of a fly as seen under SEM, in psychedelic hypercolours. I have started having psy visuals when I stare at things of late; the gently shifting iridescence on floors and the spiky fractal fibres on my clothes are quite nice but a little distracting.
>> No. 372779 Anonymous
13th March 2014
Thursday 10:56 pm
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Last night I dreamt that I was on a train to Düsseldorf and had met a nice German fellow who offered to show me the sights. He tried making me eat handfuls of salt so I ran off, sat down in a corner when the floor beneath me started moving off. I woke up in the dream having fallen asleep on the central line. Finally woke up after having heard "all change please."

I do sleep a lot on the central line so that probably has something to do with train-related dreams.
>> No. 372783 Anonymous
13th March 2014
Thursday 11:53 pm
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>>372779
This morning I was in a kind of half-asleep state and was thinking to myself "that train outside my window has been going past for a while now" before I realised what was going on and woke up (being that, the preliminary stages of sleep paralysis are being half-asleep and hearing a loud vibrating noise that sounds like a train going by).
>> No. 372784 Anonymous
14th March 2014
Friday 12:07 am
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I had a dream that I can remember no details of other than being extremely flustered because I thought it was real. I was severely co fused when I woke up.
>> No. 372788 Anonymous
14th March 2014
Friday 3:23 am
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I dreamed last night that I was back at uni, and that I was late for an exam and that they wouldn't let me in, so that I effectively failed just because of that. Throughout that dream, weirdly, I kept thinking, "oh no, four years of studying, all flushed down the toilet because I was too late for ONE exam..."

It appears I am not alone with that dream. I talked about it to some friends over a pint tonight, and they said from time to time they too have dreams like that. Perhaps studying for exams at uni is just such a fundamental experience that it somehow becomes etched in your subconscious. I have been out of uni for a number of years now. WITH a degree, in case you might wonder.
>> No. 372789 Anonymous
14th March 2014
Friday 3:56 am
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Well,

I very, very rarely been having dreams that I remember as of late, but the other day I had a series that may be of some merit:

In the first I was being dragged around by the arm by a man in a mask while being systematically sliced up with a knife. The man in question was definitely a serial killer and had a specific technique that rendered his victims helpless while he led them around by the arm and chopped them up like kebab meat. I found the fact that I'd stumbled into his trap quite disturbing.

In the second I had organized a massacre in a casino. One of the primary targets of said massacre was WWF's Chyna. The next day I returned to this casino in order to martingale on roulette. I remember very vividly thinking to myself in this dream about how the "strategies" of choosing a colour versus vacillating between the two would affect my my overall expected return, and how I blamed myself for not having done the maths previously.

This dream somehow segued into a friend of mine killing herself by deliberately stepping upon / standing directly on the live wire at a certain tube station. I was talking to either Mo Mowlam or Anne Widdecombe or an amalgam of them both on the platform at the time. This dream ended with my desperate begging of the ambulance men to tell me where they were taking her.

Which became the third dream, in which I woke up in my childhood bed next to said friend, with the only apparent damage to her being rather severe burns upon her lightly freckled cheeks. I then spent rather a long time chasing her around my childhood home telling her that this was all a dream because I'd seen her die and people don't just die and turn up next to you in bed, but she only denied and denied that it was a dream until I began to believe it.

Then I actually woke up and realized that not only was her being a ghost in my dream a dream, but her killing herself was also a dream.

And that, lads, is what you get for going to bed on a bellyful of curry.
>> No. 372790 Anonymous
14th March 2014
Friday 6:22 am
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>>372788

I graduated in 2004 and one of my main recurring nightmares is still about sitting in an exam and knowing no answers whatsoever and not writing anything.

Another is I've done no coursework at all and it's three weeks to the end of the semester and I'm thinking

>I bet I could do the whole year's worth of studying and coursework if I start now.

I have another two unrelated ones. I lost my flat and had to move back in with my parents, and I've gone on holiday for a week then suddenly realise I only left my cat one bowl of food and wonder whether he's still alive.
>> No. 372798 Anonymous
14th March 2014
Friday 11:29 am
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>>372790

I graduated in 1997 and still have the same anxiety dreams about finals. which is odd, because I have a wife, kids and mortgage now and there are more things in life to worry about than exams 15 years ago.

(sage for whimsical nattering)
>> No. 372803 Anonymous
14th March 2014
Friday 2:39 pm
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>>372798

well... you spend a few years of your life just going from exam to exam, studying, at times worrying yourself sick about passing, wrecking your nerves... I guess somehow that just has a lasting effect somewhere deep within your psyche.

Not really that much related, but I saw a documentary about the Vietnam war on TV a while ago... more than 35 years after that war, some vets still have recurring dreams about their time in the battlefield.
>> No. 373085 Anonymous
18th March 2014
Tuesday 4:15 pm
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I had a dream last night where I was on some sort of quest to get a toy helicopter. Once I got it I broke it after testing it out.

Then three lads appeared. The leader was a 15 year old mixed race Chinese/Indian lad with a bowl cut and gap in the middle of his front teeth who told me to give him my phone. I was too busy trying to fix the helicopter. Then he stabbed me. Then I got a game over screen saying I was dead.

Not sure why I remember the details of the lad but not why I was on a quest to get a toy helicopter.
>> No. 373110 Anonymous
19th March 2014
Wednesday 5:16 am
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I just woke from a brief nightmare where I was having to organise myself and two others into a sort of ad-hoc film crew for some kind of Nick Broomfield style documentary.
>> No. 373111 Anonymous
19th March 2014
Wednesday 5:44 am
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>>373085

Was it the mass effect one?
>> No. 373112 Anonymous
19th March 2014
Wednesday 8:37 am
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>>373111

I just heard the music for that in my head.

DUN DUNN DRR DUNN DUNN DUN
>> No. 373413 Anonymous
25th March 2014
Tuesday 7:03 pm
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Australians don't drink Foster's. Jesus Christ. Gross.
>> No. 373414 Anonymous
25th March 2014
Tuesday 7:05 pm
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>>373413
It's not like vomit bottle's much better though.
>> No. 373440 Anonymous
27th March 2014
Thursday 10:06 am
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>>373413

> Australians don't drink Foster's. Jesus Christ. Gross.

Spot on.

My girlfriend's cousin is Australian. They really do not care much for Foster's at all there. He once said to me "What do you think why we ship all of it out of Australia!"

(which is only partially correct, I think... isn't te Foster's you buy in Britain brewed here?)
>> No. 373441 Anonymous
27th March 2014
Thursday 10:10 am
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>>373440

>isn't te Foster's you buy in Britain brewed here?

Yeah, there's a brewery here in Manchester, probably among others. Makes Hulme smell like Shreddies sometimes.
>> No. 373443 Anonymous
27th March 2014
Thursday 11:18 am
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I had a dream last night I ate dinner with my parents in the bath. Then I ran barefoot through the woods in my old school uniform where there were loads of wanted posters of Elizabeth I.
>> No. 373444 Anonymous
27th March 2014
Thursday 11:31 am
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>>373443

That would make an alright music video.
>> No. 373450 Anonymous
28th March 2014
Friday 1:21 am
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>>373440

There's a good Aussie brewery that goes by the name of Little Creatures.
>> No. 373578 Anonymous
1st April 2014
Tuesday 8:53 pm
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>>373577

Oh my god, I had that dream about ordering round blue generic xanaxes with no script, too! I wonder what it means?
>> No. 373592 Anonymous
2nd April 2014
Wednesday 4:14 am
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>>373441
Is that what that is? I always assumed it was the people.
>> No. 373614 Anonymous
2nd April 2014
Wednesday 5:39 pm
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>>373592
The scent of yeast is very distinctive. I always liked to compare it to the smell of a foot left to sweat inside a plastic bag for half an hour, sniffed with one's nose right in the cleft between the big toe and the second.
>> No. 373622 Anonymous
2nd April 2014
Wednesday 7:13 pm
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I dreamed the other night, among other things, that I was murdered by two Norwegian men while waiting in an alleyway. Me and my friends were hiding out and could control the lights going on and off so we could pickpocket passer-by's, these two small, wiry, but ferocious-looking men in brown suits, one of them at least 70 knew what were were doing and pulled out small knives. It seemed they could also control the lights and it went pitch black. There was lots of panic and screaming and I felt the guy sitting next to me slump against my right side, then someone grabbed my wrist and slashed it, I started screaming but then stopped feeling fear all the sudden, but he pulled by up and cut the side of my neck. I fell and it felt like I was tumbling backwards down an abyss, like when you close your eyes when drunk, and I realised I was dead but still concious, it wasn't a bad feeling. Then I landed on my feet on a duel carriageway that runs through my hometown on a cloudy day. Some rowdy England football fans walked by and took the piss out of me but I didn't mind, I was in the afterlife after all. Also I was wearing my old school uniform (I'm the same lad as >>373443). My dreams are rather adventurous and enjoyable.
>> No. 373640 Anonymous
2nd April 2014
Wednesday 11:39 pm
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Dreamt I went off to Hong Kong to visit my well off mate. Drank decent beer, hung out. Ended up as some sort of Bond film.

Woke up, remembered that I hate my shitty job, life, etc.
>> No. 373643 Anonymous
3rd April 2014
Thursday 8:29 am
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I was in Derby. It wasn't really Derby, but for the purposes of my dream, it was Derby. There's also some notion that it might have been in a computer game, but dreams can be ambiguous like this (I recommend Dennet's Conciousness Explained if anyone wants to know why). Anyhow, it was quite a pared-back version of Derby. I went through the front door (can't remember what it looked like, but it was set in quite a grand brick façade) and was faced with a flooded street. There was a floating jetty running across it, with a floating island accessible from the middle, and down some stairs to the left. Only, the stairs had a sheet of galvanised steel over them, and if you'd gone down it would have been too slippery to come back up, so I carried on along the bridge. The second part (after the island) was booby-trapped, to tip people into the water when they put their weight on it, but by some wizardry I made it across. Then we were in a very small room, which we had to defend against some monsters (I can remember that there was some cohort - like ancient gods, there was a certain number, and we had to fend off all but two of them, as the other two were mysteriously not there). Then I was there with my friends, as our group stood about two years ago. We fought these monsters, but it was hard because they cannon, and they got through the door pretty quickly, then there was a but of a jump, and we'd won, and were stood in a circle, and we took turns to come into the circle and say our goodbyes before going our separate ways again. And when I said goodbye to a girl I had a bit of a crush on ~two years ago, I kissed her on the cheek, and then she kissed me on the cheek, and then I kissed her on the other cheek (which never happened in real life), and then we parted company (which did).
>> No. 373658 Anonymous
3rd April 2014
Thursday 6:46 pm
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>>373643
Do you often have dreams where you have a romance with a girl you know irl but have no real connection to and when you wake up become obsessed with her? In retrospect that's actually how I developed my first proper crush.
>> No. 373659 Anonymous
3rd April 2014
Thursday 7:01 pm
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I had a dream that I was talking to someone about Nitto-Denko tape and the fiasco I had to go through to get some, including not knowing which tape I needed to begin with until a technician at their European resellers had had a full conversation with me about my intended use (the sticky-tape method of producing graphene) and prescribed me with their low-tack, ultra-clean "semiconductor tape" and agreed to send me a free sample of the stuff.

Or at least that is how the conversation would have gone, if the person hadn't left the room half way through me saying "Haha, yeah, I didn't even know which tape I wanted to begin with, there's so many kinds!"

I've been turning this over in my head all day and now I don't know if it was a dream or if someone actually did that to me recently.

Sage because I'm growing increasingly convinced some cunt just walked out on me mid-sentence.
>> No. 373660 Anonymous
3rd April 2014
Thursday 7:18 pm
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>>373658 I have them about ex's, but they look as they did back then.
>> No. 373717 Anonymous
5th April 2014
Saturday 12:49 am
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>>373658

I did this quite recently. I had a particularly intense sex dream about someone at work that I had previously had zero interest in, and since then I've been acting like a giddy teenager around them - something I didn't really do even when I actually was a teenager.

I rarely remember dreams at all let alone have erotic, intense, and semi-lucid ones I remember clearly for weeks, so I suppose it makes sense that it has imprinted on my brain. I suppose since I was at least a little bit 'awake' or lucid in the dream, I've chemically associated her with mind-blowing otherworldly pleasure.

Being influenced by a dream is something I have always rolled my eyes at when others (usually seems to be a woman thing), so I'm trying to avoid it. But somewhere deep in the lizard part of my brain I think I've already shagged her so it's only a matter of time before it happens in real life.
>> No. 373736 Anonymous
5th April 2014
Saturday 2:12 am
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>>373658
I had a kinda weird dream recently that ended with me shagging this girl I know and see occasionally (she's fit and really flirty but has a boyfriend). I'm not sure if it was a bit rapey, she was kinda pushing me away but in a sort of playful way so I don't know if that counts, I'll probably get a knock from the thought police soon anyway.

Usually I only ever dream about this one ex (not even my most recent) but not particularly in a sexual way. I get the weirdest dreams in that kinda half-asleep sleep paralysis state (where you know you're asleep but can't move or wake up), I'll just feel her next to me but I know she's not there. Feels bad man.
>> No. 373737 Anonymous
5th April 2014
Saturday 2:17 am
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I used to have recurring dreams of trying to hit or shoot someone and being physically repelled from doing so like a force-field protecting them or the trigger would get impossibly heavy to pull. Sometimes they would stand there laughing at me, other times they would be trying to attack me. Then in real-life I got drunk and nutted a guy (who deserved it even though it was stupid) one night, first violent incident in over three years. Never had the recurring dream again.
>> No. 373762 Anonymous
5th April 2014
Saturday 12:35 pm
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>>373658
>Do you often have dreams where you have a romance with a girl you know irl but have no real connection to and when you wake up become obsessed with her?

well, yes and no, I suppose.

I distinctly remember one dream I had back in school a few years ago when I dreamed that I was having sex with this homely plain Jane type of girl who used to sit behind me in physics class.

The dream was full-on and quite vivid. And as it happened, the very next day she was sitting behind me again in physics. Made things a little awkward. I never quite had any sort of crush on her though, not even after this dream. She was always much too unexciting a person to me... to pursue her in any kind of way, anyway.
>> No. 373773 Anonymous
5th April 2014
Saturday 3:14 pm
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Last night I had a dream that some dark shadowy shape was standing in my doorway, which obviously shit me up enough that I woke up saying "who are you?" to an empty room. It's been a while since I had to go to sleep with the light on.
>> No. 375060 Anonymous
29th April 2014
Tuesday 8:50 pm
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I keep having really horrible dreams based on idealised childhoods that I was exposed to through fiction. Not horrible in themselves, but I always wake with these really painful yearnings to experience that kind of youth. I hope you all know the kind I'm talking about, the one that's played out in hundreds of Hollywood films, a brown-haired boy meeting his first girlfriend and kissing by the lakeside, suburban housing and space and just the right amount of company, places populated with easy, affectionate caricatures, stereotypes drilled in by cartoons and comics and music.

It's absolute fantasy and quite disturbing, really, because of how powerful a hold it still has on me even as an adult. The most frightening part is that whenever I feel 'nostalgic', it's never for my actual youth, which was as full of bitterness and complication as anyone elses, but for this unreal version set in generic Americana. I think a lot of the disaffection I experienced in my teenage years was because I felt I had no central 'myth' like this to hold on to. In many ways I think I'm probably trying to locate that myth.

... That was a really weird post, apologies lads.
>> No. 375063 Anonymous
29th April 2014
Tuesday 8:56 pm
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I have a sort of recurring dream, and I'm hoping some psycho-mentalist type can explain it to me.

I am a gay fella, however I am in a relationship with a M2F trans woman. I have a recurring dream where I am cheating, not on her but with her.

I always get interrupted by my "BF" who I then get in a fight with. Some of them are my exes, some of them are the product of my imagination; It is all very strange.
>> No. 375065 Anonymous
29th April 2014
Tuesday 8:58 pm
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I had a dream I was talking to my dad about something, I don't really remember what the conversation was about. I started to hazily realise I was dreaming, which is weird because I've never had a lucid dream before. Unsurprisingly this realisation started to pull me out of the dream despite my best efforts to keep the conversation going. I don't think he realised he was dead.
>> No. 375072 Anonymous
29th April 2014
Tuesday 9:05 pm
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>>375065
This is a fairly common occurrence when you realise you're dreaming and then try to "force" the lucid dream too hard. I've never particularly set out to lucid dream but my awareness of it has lead me to, more often than not, pull myself out of any dreams I've realised I'm inside. I've also seen it mentioned as a skill to learn on communities dedicated to lucid dreaming - how to avoid pulling yourself out of the dream whilst still retaining a gentle conscious control. All sounded like an awful lot of effort.
>> No. 375074 Anonymous
29th April 2014
Tuesday 9:07 pm
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>>375072
In the moment I just wanted to spend a bit longer talking to him but I'm not going to set out to deliberately lucid dream, it wasn't really him after all.
>> No. 375078 Anonymous
29th April 2014
Tuesday 9:18 pm
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>>375074

How do you know that?
>> No. 375080 Anonymous
29th April 2014
Tuesday 9:29 pm
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>>375078

I don't, it's just a theory. Like evolution.
>> No. 375088 Anonymous
29th April 2014
Tuesday 10:40 pm
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>>375080

A scientific theory is not the same as a lay persons theory.
>> No. 375089 Anonymous
29th April 2014
Tuesday 10:44 pm
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>>375088

Bugger, I suppose I'll have to find someone else to give this Nobel Prize to.
>> No. 375091 Anonymous
29th April 2014
Tuesday 11:27 pm
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>>375072
I had a horrible dream a few weeks ago. Can't even remember what happened just that I knew I was asleep and wanted to wake up. Except I couldn't. Suddenly I thought I might be in a coma and the thought woke me up with a jolt.

This usually happens when I wake up too early, drink some/a lot of caffeine and take a nap later but before the caffeine has worn off.
>> No. 375092 Anonymous
29th April 2014
Tuesday 11:37 pm
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>>375091
Could you move when you woke up? If you couldn't, you might want to look up sleep paralysis and false awakenings. They're the less fun side of "things your brain can do to you when you're sleeping".
>> No. 375094 Anonymous
29th April 2014
Tuesday 11:43 pm
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>>375092
I could move when fully awake but there was a horrible moment of being unable to move or wake up fully whilst simultaneously aware of where I was and the fact I was sleeping. No drugs except caffeine.

Had things like this before, one time I kept thinking I had woken up and I'd be in my room but something would be different like the light would start attacking me.
>> No. 375095 Anonymous
29th April 2014
Tuesday 11:44 pm
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>>375092
Also I distinctly remember shouting for help but I'm fairly sure that was part of the dream.
>> No. 375096 Anonymous
29th April 2014
Tuesday 11:59 pm
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>>375094
Yeah, that's a false awakening. The reason I mentioned them is because they often happen in conjunction with sleep paralysis, sometimes repeatedly. Drugs that disturb your sleep like caffeine and alcohol seem to make them occur more.
>> No. 375097 Anonymous
30th April 2014
Wednesday 12:08 am
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>>375096
I had one of those once. The really odd thing was that the place where I dreamt I was waking up wasn't the place where I was actually sleeping.
>> No. 375098 Anonymous
30th April 2014
Wednesday 1:10 am
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>>375096

I regularly have false awakenings, sometimes three or four deep. I also have fairly regular sleep paralysis. Paradoxically valium seems to make it worse, not better.
>> No. 375099 Anonymous
30th April 2014
Wednesday 3:16 am
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My cousin kept throwing away my fucking pint of coke when I wasn't looking.

I finally caught him doing it and he said it was flat. I told him that was ridiculous, it's only an hour old. He gave it back and I drank some and goddamn it, it was flat.
>> No. 375155 Anonymous
2nd May 2014
Friday 5:49 pm
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I had one of these dreams then went back to sleep trying to make it happen again. All I got was a dream where I was forced to eat a special meal in front of many people but unlike Man Vs. Food the people watching were part of the upper class and the food was some posh slop. Then I tried to get the first dream again after I woke up.

I woke up at 3:30pm in search of this dream.
>> No. 375160 Anonymous
2nd May 2014
Friday 6:03 pm
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I had a dream where I was building a gaming PC in a 50U rack with Linus from LinusTechTips on youtube, but every time I plugged something in he quietly corrected my mistake when he thought I wasn't looking. This made me feel oddly sad when I woke up, as A) he seems like a lovely chap and I was inconveniencing him a lot in the dream and B) I'm more than competent at that sort of thing in real life, but dream Linus thinks I'm a moron.

This is presumably what happens when you pull an all nighter at work that involves eating 15 different types of cheese, then going to bed at 8am full of red bull. Actually now that I think about it, I'm sure I could have had a much more terrifying dream so I'm pretty lucky. It felt real though.
>> No. 375213 Anonymous
3rd May 2014
Saturday 12:28 am
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>>375096

>sleep paralysis

ha! finally somebody who knows what sleep paralysis is. I have described this to many people, but nobody seems to quite know what I am on about.

I frequently wake up very abruptly from nightmares, and about the first two or three seconds when I try to scream "Help!!" or similar things, I barely get out a mumble. Still half asleep but definitely conscious, I can feel that my body isn't obeying me.

Maybe this really doesn't happen to many people; maybe I am a freak. Well, as if that's something new...
>> No. 375216 Anonymous
3rd May 2014
Saturday 1:02 am
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>>375213
Sounds like you're getting visits from the Hag.
>> No. 375218 Anonymous
3rd May 2014
Saturday 4:40 am
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>>375213

It is extremely common and most people know about it. You must be poor at communicating, or you live around people who are even worse.
>> No. 375219 Anonymous
3rd May 2014
Saturday 4:42 am
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>>375218
This.
>> No. 375282 Anonymous
3rd May 2014
Saturday 10:34 pm
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>>375218

maybe I am just the only one of my friends plagued by recurring nightmares that make me wake up instantly every night.
>> No. 375285 Anonymous
3rd May 2014
Saturday 10:50 pm
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>>375282

It's called morning, lad. Cut your hair and get a job.
>> No. 375294 Anonymous
3rd May 2014
Saturday 11:18 pm
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I dreamed last night my parents got divorced (even though they have literally no reason to and are both about 60), it felt very real and unpleasant even when I woke up, worse than a nightmare and stayed with me for a long time after.
>> No. 375296 Anonymous
4th May 2014
Sunday 12:10 am
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I dreamed about the Queen's future death.

Involved these weird bishops colluding with Charles. They had a cupboard thing with a thing in it. New crown in 5-8 years.

This is the sort of witches, I'll not tell any further.
>> No. 375386 Anonymous
4th May 2014
Sunday 9:36 pm
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>>375285
>Cut your hair and get a job.

I've got a job, mate.

That's what gives me many of my nightmares in the first place.


hm... "cut your hair and get a job"... what song was that line a part of... oh, I know...

http://www.youtube.com/v/yuTMWgOduFM
>> No. 375387 Anonymous
4th May 2014
Sunday 9:43 pm
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>>375296

anybody here have their bets on Charles actually turning down kingship to benefit his son?

I mean, bless the Queen and her longevity, but if this goes on, especially if Charles too will live as long, William will be 70 before he ever steps on the throne.

William would be just about the right age in about five to ten years' time to still be a relatively young but seasoned, charismatic king.
>> No. 375389 Anonymous
4th May 2014
Sunday 9:55 pm
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>>375387

I would like to think he would abdicate, seeing as he married his consort and all (there is precedent for this in the past), but something tells me that he'll get crowned and stay crowned.

I think it would be a lot better for the monarchy as a whole if their was a young King and Queen to capture the imagination of the people. The longer the line of succession the more people will be disinterested, I feel.
>> No. 375390 Anonymous
4th May 2014
Sunday 9:55 pm
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Had a somewhat freakish dream a few days ago

I was walking dogs down the cut and they kept attacking giant spiders that squished horribly and leaked pus everywhere... then there were some ants laden with the mysterious pus walking back to their nest. I started talking with some guy and he said it was produced in a facility nearby across the canal, then he offered me a chocolate from an open box I think. Weird stuff
>> No. 375391 Anonymous
4th May 2014
Sunday 9:57 pm
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>>375389

I changed how I worded the second paragraph at the last minute and forgot to change the context of "their".

Life is suffering...
>> No. 375582 Anonymous
8th May 2014
Thursday 11:14 am
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ok then, .gs, riddle me this:

I keep having this dream about secretly going to the town where my ex lives (more a village than a town, tucked away in the East Anglia countryside). We haven't spoken in five years, but she is still on my mind now and then. Well, I have this recurring dream of me secretly going to her town again, hoping not to be seen by all the townspeople. And then when somebody does spot me, I make a run for it, but there seems to be no escape from that town, as I get lost and don't find my way out again. At that point, I usually wake up.

Any thoughts?

It should perhaps be noted that during the entire dream, I never once get to meet my ex. In some permutations of this dream, I find myself standing in front of her parents' house, clearly recognisable, all the more thinking, "I hope nobody sees me!"...
>> No. 375608 Anonymous
8th May 2014
Thursday 2:38 pm
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I'm a scientist, so I've developed a number of reasons to explain this, still mystifies me a bit though.

I was having a dream years ago, about me reading a particular book on a bus sat next to a big fat dude. Now, I never really read on the bus, and the other day I found myself in that exact situation. I remembered dreaming about that, and it lines up perfectly. Gave me something to mull over for a good half hour though.
>> No. 375613 Anonymous
8th May 2014
Thursday 2:58 pm
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>>375608
Things that happen in dreams are more like symbols than realistic situations. You know you are reading a book or on a bus but the bus doesn't have a colour or wheels, the pages of the book have no content or texture until you think about them. It's just the idea of a bus, the idea of a book. This means it's very easy to find yourself in an identical seeming situation; the dream only has a few data points which are therefore easy to match up to reality. This image might make more sense than my words.
The top image is the dream. The bottom image is what you saw in real life. There are many different situations that could match the dream and trigger the same sense of deja vu.

>>375582
Only you can make any sense of that. It may not mean anything at all.
>> No. 375616 Anonymous
8th May 2014
Thursday 3:03 pm
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>>375613
Yes, I know. It's most likely my mind filling in the blanks, but the colours and such added up with my dream. I understand your point though, it's one of the conclusions I came to.
>> No. 375619 Anonymous
8th May 2014
Thursday 3:07 pm
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>>375616
It's also possible that the reality coloured your memory of the dream.
>> No. 376511 Anonymous
21st May 2014
Wednesday 1:14 am
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Had an odd one where I was the father of a "baby", the mother being a blonde chav slag I snogged many years ago. She was sitting in a chair with the baby cradled in her arms and I walk over to look at it and it's what can only be described as a large fetus with its veins visible through its transparent skin. I try to hold my disgust as I stroke its head, which left blood on my fingers. The chav mother looked noticeably pissed off and got up out of the chair and walked over to the open window and dropped the fetus out of it. I then happily woke up to reality.
>> No. 376535 Anonymous
21st May 2014
Wednesday 11:20 pm
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I've worked a lot on lucid dreaming, with various degree of success. Sometimes I was able to fully control the dream, being conscious of both my sleeping body on the bed and of another body that I was inhabiting in the dream context.

I also had some incredibly, mindfucking dreams that had no link with reality. One of them was like this:

I was a big, insect like creature carrying a blob of black, chitinous material, a brain without body sheathed in a black chitinous membrane. Or better, my consciousness was there, and I was controlling the insect to carry me to my destination. The insect was scared and wanted to flee, I was forcing it to carry me and seeing through its eyes. The insect carried me into a small cavern that lead to an enormous round subterranean chamber, a city block sized cyst hidden underground with a "tree" made with chitinous material in the center.

A big insectile creature, similar to an Alien queen faced us, but I ordered it to leave us alone with some difficulties because I had to control myself, the insect and the creature at the same time. As soon as we reached the tree, a bunch of arms similar to cockroach legs came out to pick me up and carry me to the top, where I was connected to the central structure.
At that point, I was able to "see" and "hear" everything in the cyst, I was connected to every creature there and I could control every single one of them. I spared just a glance to the insect from before, it struggled weakly while being eaten alive by a swarm of cockroaches big as dogs.

I remained in that state for some time, silently controlling the activities of all the buglike creatures in the cyst, then I got bored and snapped out of the dream.

>>375608
What do you say about that, scientist?
>> No. 376543 Anonymous
22nd May 2014
Thursday 12:57 am
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>>376535

I find that dream very disturbing.
>> No. 376549 Anonymous
22nd May 2014
Thursday 3:32 pm
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I have loads of strange dreams. For some reason recently i keep dreaming about celebrities dying, firstly i dreamt Avril Lavigne had died in a car crash (literally all the dream was was me seeing a tweet by KTLA - a US news site - confirming that information)*, then i dreamt that the singer Melissa Etheridge had a brain hemorrhage or stroke or something while performing on stage and died, then finally i dreamt that was reading a sports forum i post on and someone posted that the singer P!nk had died in a car crash.

They aren't by any means the strangest dreams i've ever had (dreaming about men being involved in auto-erotic denfenestration i/e getting off by throwing themselves out of windows into a big swimming pool comes to mind there...)

*I've now had 3 dreams about Avril dying, the first one involved her being shot after getting out of a car at a checkpoint in a polar, and the second involved her being killed in an earthquake in LA.
>> No. 376550 Anonymous
22nd May 2014
Thursday 4:43 pm
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I was sleeping with my dog this morning and drempt I'd adopted a white cat with fair fur. A beetle sized flea was crawling across the cats skin which, after a few attempts, I managed to grab. I'd had hold of the colossal flea for little more than a second before I'd realised it was infact a mass of baby fleas rather than just the one. They all began to bite me. I stepped back and saw the dog rug infested with fleas, all jumping about and forming a brown cloud above the carpet.
>> No. 376551 Anonymous
22nd May 2014
Thursday 6:03 pm
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>>376549
Stop sleep murdering my favourite shamewank.
>> No. 376552 Anonymous
22nd May 2014
Thursday 6:19 pm
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I've had few recently. One where I had a transgender girlfriend and that was literally it. The subconscious really knows how to squander an opportunity. Even if we'd just had a chat about issues within the trans community it would have been alright.

Also one where I was back at school, but I was 19 still, so everyone was like "WTF are you doing here?" Tbh I doubt anyone would notice given my general lack of adultness.

And last night I had a brief nightmare where I was in a clearing in some woods and on a very big rock there were two lanky looking grey humanoids. They look their time getting up before walking towards me, I got bad vibes and woke up. Perhaps I should have asked them about issues within the lanky grey monster community?

See, see, my long boring post came back around in the end, I'm just like Ayn Rand.
>> No. 376553 Anonymous
22nd May 2014
Thursday 7:02 pm
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>>376551 lol i find her quite hot, that's what's strange about the fact i keep dreaming about her dying.

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 376554 Anonymous
22nd May 2014
Thursday 8:46 pm
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I went for a drive with a manager from work and he picked up from some black guy, and then the black guy tried mugging us and we were running around. Then he tried killing me with a pencil and I started yelling back at him in his accent (He had a black US accent) and then he was dead. I don't remember the rest.
>> No. 376646 Anonymous
27th May 2014
Tuesday 11:03 am
376646 My Stupidest Dream, By Me
I had a dream I was watching GoT this morning [spoiler]NERDALERT![/spooiler]

There were a few ships and one had the Stark sisters on, and Brienne was trying to swim to that ship, but then another ship turned up and the captain was like some squat lizard person. The lizard guy jumped into the water and killed Brienne while the ship with the Starks was sinking. Then another ship turns up, and it's really long and looks like a houseboat only ship sized, also it's captained by Kirsty Alsop, but like an evil Kirsty Alsop. I guess at this point dream me thought the writers were taking this piss because I got up and went to the kitchen. By the time I'd got back it was a close up of Alsop while the said something "everything going to plan", then I woke up.

Also I think the lizard guy was Armando Iannucci, I don't know why, it's just one of those dream things that you just know.
>> No. 376647 Anonymous
27th May 2014
Tuesday 11:19 am
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>>376554
omg you're a dream racist!!

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 376686 Anonymous
28th May 2014
Wednesday 7:21 am
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Yesterday I dreamt about working in a bar orbiting the Earth. I remember looking out of these panoramic windows and just being totally amazed. A kid at some point was shooting water through a hose out of a door towards the earth, I remember I had a conversation with my dad about it and him asking if you could make it rain on someone, I said no you can only make it rain on a place as small as my hometown for example. I think that was back on earth. After that I had to take Billie Piper for some casting with a guy who I knew from a chat room and I was asking him why he wasn't working on the space pub... I watched Billie take her top off because the casting required it. She was too quick with her hands and sat there cupping her glorious globes.

Not even shitting you.
>> No. 376688 Anonymous
28th May 2014
Wednesday 8:24 am
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I had a dream that I didn't have enough money in the shop last night. I've just got back from the shop where oddly I didn't have enough money. This is doubly odd because I always buy the same things so I know exactly how much I need.
>> No. 376689 Anonymous
28th May 2014
Wednesday 12:19 pm
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>>376647
I bet he dream voted for Drunken Racists and all...
>> No. 376692 Anonymous
28th May 2014
Wednesday 4:20 pm
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>>376688

Maybe the price of something had gone up, perhaps due to inflation or lack of demand.

Bloody Tories.
>> No. 376694 Anonymous
28th May 2014
Wednesday 4:37 pm
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>>376692

Nah, I just had the wrong coat on. The girl on the till was very nice about it though, I just dropped the money off on my way back out.

Sage for blog.
>> No. 376696 Anonymous
28th May 2014
Wednesday 5:03 pm
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>>376686

It's my dream to work in a space pub, but you actually dreamed it.
>> No. 376721 Anonymous
29th May 2014
Thursday 10:51 pm
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I had a dream that I kissed Nigel Farage last night.

I was looking out of a window and saw him talk to a crowd, so I started shouting at him about what I thought of his policies and my thoughts on Drunken Racists in general, and he didn't rise to it. To show that he wasn't mad, he then went up to kiss me. I couldn't let him show that he got the better of that, so I did the same. I don't think I've ever woken up so disgusted with myself.
>> No. 376722 Anonymous
29th May 2014
Thursday 11:05 pm
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>>376721
I haven't kissed anyone in three years.
>> No. 376723 Anonymous
29th May 2014
Thursday 11:31 pm
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>>376721
n1 m8 e wnt no wot kissd im
>> No. 376779 Anonymous
31st May 2014
Saturday 2:04 pm
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I actually had a dream last night that England will win the World Cup. Seriously.

I know, I know... a man can dream though. A man can dream.
>> No. 376780 Anonymous
31st May 2014
Saturday 2:41 pm
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I dreamed that I was fixing a MacBook for my Nan and discovered that she installed windows xp on it, I then got mad because she'd spent all that money on a mac and got rid of the thing you're paying out the nose for in the first place.
>> No. 376781 Anonymous
31st May 2014
Saturday 2:57 pm
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>>376780

You're not paying so much for OSX, I can tell you that much. You can install that in a VM on a cheapo PC if you want it so badly.
>> No. 376783 Anonymous
31st May 2014
Saturday 5:41 pm
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I had a really long and detailed dream, the majority of which I won't go into but the most important part was in a restaurant with a almost chalet-like décor where I ordered jumbo shrimp with chips and sausages after seeing someone else's meal of the same. They'd run out of sausages so offered me crispy bacon and melted cheese on the chips as a substitute. Anyway, that's what I'm going to have for lunch now.
>> No. 376784 Anonymous
31st May 2014
Saturday 6:06 pm
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.GS is invading my semi conscious.

I had a dream that Avril Lavigne was playing a show in town, and used my Bedroom as a hotel room for the night. Then downstairs, the GLC lads were on the lash in my Kitchen. Two Hats was being sick in the sink.
>> No. 376796 Anonymous
31st May 2014
Saturday 8:27 pm
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>>376784

I had a dream I was on the britfa irc but that it was real and everyone was sort of just sort of little amalgams of energy floating around communicating through thoughts instead of it just being a literal wall of pixelated text on a computer screen window. I guess it was a nice dream but I should probably lay off the drugs, I'm obviously cracking up.
>> No. 376798 Anonymous
31st May 2014
Saturday 8:34 pm
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>>376796
britfa IRC nightmares never end well.
>> No. 376799 Anonymous
31st May 2014
Saturday 9:23 pm
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Churchill shooting fire from his finger tips at two Robot Devils (Futurama) over the backdrop of an American/United Kingdom hybrid flag with patriotic sounding chip-tune music playing in the background.
>> No. 376801 Anonymous
31st May 2014
Saturday 10:30 pm
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>>376799

Send it to Jim'll Paint It.
>> No. 376803 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 1:15 am
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>>376781

I'm not noted for my succinct logic in dreamland.
>> No. 376807 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 2:04 am
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>>376801

>Send it to Jim'll Paint It.

Did you know that behind the scenes at the BBC, the runing gag was calling it "Jim'll Fuck it"?

But I liked Jimmy Carr's line best when Savile died. Jimmy Carr said something like, "Jimmy Savile has died. It seems he finally got my letter."
>> No. 376809 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 3:03 am
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My landlord wanted everyone to de-gunk their plugholes on a regular basis and put a letter through my letterbox making that request and enclosed a zip lock bag to put the plughole gunk in. The letter said to write my name on the ziplock with a sharpoo and return the gunk to him and everyone doing so will be entered into a draw. Then the letter continued by saying the return method was by uploading it to Oboom and I got quite confused thinking surely I can only upload a picture of it to Oboom? and how will he know it's a picture of legitimate sink gunk? People could cheat.
>> No. 376810 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 3:04 am
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>>376809

by sharpoo I mean one of these. I didn't know that filter was still in place.
>> No. 376811 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 3:11 am
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>>376783

Once I had a dream my ex-boss asked me to buy him a drink and he requested a pint glass with a shot of bacardi, a little bottle's worth of ginger ale then topped up with lemonade. Thereafter, I was always curious to try that combination of things but never got around to doing so.
>> No. 376819 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 8:39 pm
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The first time I got stoned I had a very strange dream.

I was on a London tube, but it was a weird futuristic one where it took just seconds to get between stations but as a result the acceleration was so intense you couldn't get up from your seat.

The first stop was fine, but then at the second stop one of the people I talked to that day tried to get on but the doors closed, trapping his arm in the carriage and him outside the carriage. I tried getting up to pull the emergency stop lever thing, and at that moment the train started accelerating. I moved as fast as I could but my weight due to the acceleration was so great I could only plod over there very slowly. By the time I reached the lever the train decelerated and we are at the station. The doors opened and the guy just walked off as if nothing had happened. I woke up somewhat annoyed that I'd gone to that effort for nothing.
>> No. 376820 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 9:20 pm
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>>376819
>I was on a London tube, but it was a weird futuristic one where it took just seconds to get between stations but as a result the acceleration was so intense you couldn't get up from your seat.
Or as it's otherwise known, the Jubilee Line. Westminster to Canary Wharf felt exactly like this.
>> No. 376821 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 10:08 pm
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>>376819

I've often had that 'walking through treacle' effect in dreams but my dream's never supplied an explanation why that was so. It just happens when I'm trying to run away from a serial killer or something.
>> No. 376822 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 10:26 pm
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>>376821
Mine is always opening my mouth to scream for help but no sound coming out.
>> No. 376823 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 10:47 pm
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Always getting chased by black dogs. They chase me up to my house, up the stairs... They get close, and I wake up.
>> No. 376824 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 11:23 pm
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>>376822

It's worse when you actually scream then have to worry if you screamed in real life too. I remember once on a train, this guy fell asleep and must have had a nightmare and was doing those choked semi-screams.
>> No. 376829 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 11:51 pm
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>>376820
Ha, I actually took the Jubilee to get to the place where I slept.

>>376821
First and only time so far I've experienced something like that, and it was somewhat logical. Guess it was my brain mulling over uni stuff.
>> No. 376830 Anonymous
1st June 2014
Sunday 11:55 pm
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>>376822
My dreams often have a fight and when I punch it does nothing to my opponent. Perhaps it's because in a dream I can't feel the impact but it's a little odd.
>> No. 376840 Anonymous
2nd June 2014
Monday 3:32 am
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>>376823

It's THE GRIM

THE GRIM OH DEARY ME
>> No. 376847 Anonymous
2nd June 2014
Monday 6:56 am
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Last night I fell asleep really early, I woke up at 5am and forced myself back to sleep. Then I dreamt about having a fight with my brother and woke myself up after throwing a punch irl. First time I remember doing anything like that!

Also I remember saying I wouldn't throw the first punch then did.
>> No. 376859 Anonymous
2nd June 2014
Monday 12:42 pm
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why oh why do I keep having dreams about exes...

Just last night, I had a dream that me and my last ex girlfriend were back together again.

Bizarrely, I was in bed with her best friend, and afterwards her best friend told me that she had great news for me; my ex was sorry she broke up with me and wanted me back. My ex's friend then gave me a big hug and said "I'm so happy for you guys!". And then sure enough, by the end of that dream, my ex and me had patched things up. But here's the kicker - she then told me that when I was in bed with her best friend, that that was really her, my ex, in disguise.

Ah, dreams. Weird. Don't know where to begin unpicking this one...
>> No. 376863 Anonymous
2nd June 2014
Monday 2:12 pm
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>>376859
I think it means you should shag her best friend.
>> No. 376924 Anonymous
4th June 2014
Wednesday 5:58 am
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My girlfriend woke up and told me she'd dreamed of having a lesbian threesome with Kate Upton and Marilyn Monroe.
>> No. 376938 Anonymous
4th June 2014
Wednesday 4:00 pm
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I dreamt that the entrance to my college was closed (for some reason I desperately needed to get into college and had to go around the side entrance in the dream). When I woke up and checked my emails there was one saying that the front entrance to college was closed.

What should I do with my new found psychic powers lads?
>> No. 376957 Anonymous
4th June 2014
Wednesday 10:16 pm
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>>376938
Write a spam filter.
>> No. 377003 Anonymous
7th June 2014
Saturday 12:58 pm
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I dreamt that I sent my daughter to school in her Peppa Pig top which says 'Pretty ans Pink' and some Asian parents complained that I was being racist because of the double whammy of pigs and talking about pink skin. Anyway, somehow I ended up talking to journalists and posting on here about it. I'm dreaming about arguments on .gs, I've reached a nadir.
>> No. 377004 Anonymous
7th June 2014
Saturday 1:06 pm
377004 Quite disturubing
I dreamt I was in a wheelchair. I wasn't paralysed, but I'd been seriously ill and I couldn't use my legs, although I could feel them. I was wheeling myself around, but sometimes being pushed too. Everyone was really bright and positive, and unassumingly helpful around me - just as I imagine it must be in reality. Nothing really startling or incongruous happened, it was just very vivid, realistic and therefore a bit troubling.
>> No. 377005 Anonymous
7th June 2014
Saturday 1:33 pm
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>>377004
Troubling, only if you subscribe to the superstition that it has any deeper meaning. You just imagined what it was like to be in a wheelchair. That's all.
>> No. 377024 Anonymous
8th June 2014
Sunday 4:37 pm
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>>377005

Hang on lads, we've got a real brainbox here.
>> No. 377050 Anonymous
9th June 2014
Monday 10:03 am
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I just spent the last two hours fading in and out of a world were aliens were attacking and it was kind of a final Matrix film robot situation. Genuinely not sure if I'm a conscript in the Earth Defense Forces right now. I remember rain, and I think it was some really loud rain on my window that set it off.

Or I can phase in and out of different universes.
>> No. 377051 Anonymous
9th June 2014
Monday 10:29 am
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I had several guinea pigs, they were allover the flat in a sort of Bishop Brennan with the rabbits situation.
>> No. 377071 Anonymous
10th June 2014
Tuesday 10:58 am
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I found the mauled corpses of four adult male peacocks and at least one German Shepherd dog in an overgrown area near my house. Some puppies had survived whatever happened, although they looked more like corgis. My brain understood that I should probably be worried about what killed these animals but mostly I was concerned with finding a home for the puppies. Then I was in a completely different situation but trying to find an aquarium who'd take all my squid, I don't know why I had so many. They weren't even in tanks, just piled up around the room.
>> No. 377072 Anonymous
10th June 2014
Tuesday 11:44 am
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>>377071

I enjoy reading these without the "I had a dream that..." context. It reads like it's something that actually happened to you.
>> No. 377073 Anonymous
10th June 2014
Tuesday 11:48 am
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>>364298

I had to go to a counselling session and I couldn't remember why. It was a carry-over from something years ago and I still had to attend every six months. The pope was going to attend because he wanted to see what good work the MIND charity were doing and another 20 people came along because they wanted to meet the pope.

We were all sitting around a long table waiting for the pope to turn up and I was hoping I wasn't expected to do a proper counselling session because it would be a bit of a violation of privacy. Then the pope still hadn't turned up after two hours so we got bored and left.
>> No. 377074 Anonymous
10th June 2014
Tuesday 11:55 am
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>>377073

The other people included a local councillor, the editor of the Str8upgaypron blog, a woman with very long hair who spiked it up to look quirky and this millionaire who wasn't very obviously a millionaire because he was dressed scruffily and had a very broad Northern Ireland accent. He was saying very patronising things to me about I probably have problems managing money. Pffft, just because I need counselling...
>> No. 377120 Anonymous
11th June 2014
Wednesday 3:59 pm
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I was in my living room and my corpse was in a plain, unfinished wood coffin on the floor. I collected some lily of the valley which had been dyed blue from somewhere and placed them between my corpse's hands and brushed the hair away from my face, then closed the coffin and moved it closer to the door. I remember opening the coffin again to sniff my corpse to see if I had started to decompose yet, then worrying about what to tell the paramedics about why there was my corpse in a coffin and me alive and standing there in the room. I toyed with the idea of lying and pretending I had regenerated and that this was a normal thing for me. Then I retrieved a pen from a pile of dark blue concentric glass tubes and wrote "come si bella" on a scrap of paper, and the dream ended.
>> No. 377220 Anonymous
14th June 2014
Saturday 6:59 am
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Maggot/mealworm like creatures beneath my foreskin. Something to do with sexual guilt or discomfort I'm sure. Fuck it all.
>> No. 377224 Anonymous
14th June 2014
Saturday 12:11 pm
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tayto04[1].jpg
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>>377074
>this millionaire who wasn't very obviously a millionaire because he was dressed scruffily and had a very broad Northern Ireland accent
You lookin a dig in the bake son? Plenty of us are millionaires. The Tayto Man even has a castle.
>> No. 377225 Anonymous
14th June 2014
Saturday 12:13 pm
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>>377224
Is it made of potatoes?

Does it have a moatato?
>> No. 377281 Anonymous
15th June 2014
Sunday 10:28 pm
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Tube dream lad (>>376819) here again. I was talking about this dream to someone last night on Skype, then I went to bed and had another tube-related dream. I don't know what that reflects on me...

I was riding the Met line on a really old looking train. Everything had that washed-out 1980s look to it. I finally got into... Uxbridge? I think, and I stopped to take a look at the tube map. It turns out every tube map on the walls was different, odd shapes, missing lines and having strange, new lines. I remember someone asked me how to get to London Bridge and I tried to show them on a map but as I said all the maps were weird. I ran around looking for a map to show them but I couldn't find one. I remember getting so frustrated that I couldn't show them. I walked outside and all the cars were very 80s, too, and after pulling my wallet out of my pocket to inspect the cards and currency to see if I was in the 1980s, I woke up before I could see anything.

I remember one of the maps had a turquoise coloured line going from Uxbridge to the next station along and stopping there.

I really don't know.
>> No. 377282 Anonymous
15th June 2014
Sunday 10:32 pm
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Desperate because I have my high school diploma exam Monday, I try to look up a phone directory for the number of my best friend to ask him some help, but the phone dir was full with useless crap and advertising. Woke up in panic with racing heart. My exam was 20 years ago. Fuck my dreamlife.
>> No. 377322 Anonymous
16th June 2014
Monday 8:23 pm
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>>377281
>I was talking about this dream to someone last night on Skype, then I went to bed and had another tube-related dream. I don't know what that reflects on me..

It's almost like the things our brains do during REM-stage sleep are a way of processing the things and thoughts that we've had to deal with during the day.

Saying that, last night's dreams involved having Freddie Mercury as my boyfriend and the existence of dark-chocolate flavoured rolling tobacco*, so who knows really.

* on reflection it seems my 'subconscious mind' actually comes up with some delicious ideas, so I won't knock dreams as utterly meaningless right away. Even though they almost certainly probably are.
>> No. 377326 Anonymous
17th June 2014
Tuesday 8:21 am
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Sitting in a really nice supermarket, reading a book, casually shilling coconuts. Everyone bought a coconut. They looked great.

buy a coconut today
>> No. 377327 Anonymous
17th June 2014
Tuesday 8:24 am
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>>377326

Oh Coconutindustryschilllad.,
>> No. 377328 Anonymous
17th June 2014
Tuesday 9:04 am
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I was NEET and spent my mornings listening to Frankie Goes to Hollywood and flirting with strangers on the internet.

I am yet to awaken.
>> No. 377329 Anonymous
17th June 2014
Tuesday 9:11 am
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>>377328

there's this cute cashier at Hot Topic I've wanted to talk to, but whenever I buy something I get the other cashier instead - there's one line and two registers, so the cashier one gets is more or less random. Granted I'm sort of attracted to the other cashier - she's overweight and I sometimes imagine her sitting on me - but I'm much more attracted to the cute one.
>> No. 377330 Anonymous
17th June 2014
Tuesday 9:33 am
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>>377329

I, err... are you saying you can get me a job at Hot Topic? Do they have those here? Whatever I'll commute.
>> No. 377331 Anonymous
17th June 2014
Tuesday 9:37 am
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>>377329 >>377330
I get the distinct feeling you chaps aren't from the British Isles.

I feel rather uncomfortable about this. Could you perhaps not flaunt your nationality quite so obviously? I know we have our pet colonials but they usually have the good grace to stay under the radar.

I think I now know how my grandad feels when he sees blokes kissing in the street.
>> No. 377332 Anonymous
17th June 2014
Tuesday 9:40 am
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>>377331

Now just add them being German and flaunting that as well and you have my feelings down to a tee.
>> No. 377333 Anonymous
17th June 2014
Tuesday 9:52 am
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>>377331

As poster >>377328 and >>377330 I beg of thee to declare where you see my oh so un-British way of being, Mr Cameron? For it's a mystery to me, just as filthy ooze of your mothers cunt is a mystery to the local milkmen.

Just take it. Just take it. It's okay, it'll be over soon.
>> No. 377334 Anonymous
17th June 2014
Tuesday 10:07 am
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>>377333

Not being able to string a logical sentence together is always a good tip off.
>> No. 377335 Anonymous
17th June 2014
Tuesday 10:31 am
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>>377334

You know that's not true, if it is why's /iq/ a thing?
>> No. 377336 Anonymous
17th June 2014
Tuesday 11:38 am
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I dreamt I woke up, had a spliff then went back to bed.
I slept for an extra 3 hours.
Not the most thrilling dream.
>> No. 377338 Anonymous
17th June 2014
Tuesday 1:40 pm
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>>377336

Are you sure it was a dream?

I have relied on cannabis as a treatment to insomnia before, although after a point it just made it worse because I would get sucked into one of those long intoxicated wanking sessions.
>> No. 377342 Anonymous
17th June 2014
Tuesday 10:22 pm
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>>377331
Audible mirth.
>> No. 377371 Anonymous
19th June 2014
Thursday 10:54 am
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I was with a female friend who was really a shifting mixture of different women I know. For some reason three ruffians start bothering us, mainly the scrawny blonde one and the fat female one taking the lead. They knocked off my rucksack and kicked it open which was an issue as there were three or four things in there, one of which was important to me although I forget what it was. Anyway, what was also in the bag was a large ceramic tile which I picked up and bopped them all on the heads with. Then I took a photo of them with my camera phone to show to police later, and the two of us went into a shop to buy something. The scrawny one was waiting there when we came back out, although he just shouted stuff at me - a distraction it turned out as his Frankenstein's monster in a trakkie of a friend came lumbering up to me swinging his fists. Somehow I got them both on the ground at the same time and was rubbing each's head on the pavement like the tarmac was a cheese grater. When I relented they looked fucked up. Suddenly about six of their mates came running and I was worried because that was to many but they were just impressed and wanted to give me this plastic thing in the shape of a foot with mickey mouse's face printed on it that could hang around my neck and be used as a small axe if I was ever attacked like that again. Then the female friend came back and we went and sat in a corridor with lots of people and drank fruity alcohol.
>> No. 377386 Anonymous
19th June 2014
Thursday 5:05 pm
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My girlfriend was Skyping with another man and I could hear them talking, she told him she loved him and not me :(
>> No. 377388 Anonymous
19th June 2014
Thursday 6:46 pm
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>>377338
I'm not sure if it helps or not. Smoking late at night makes me want to go to bed but then I just lie awake thinking about stuff for ages. At least I get wierd dreams.
>> No. 377391 Anonymous
19th June 2014
Thursday 7:37 pm
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>>377386
Sorry lad, you were awake.
>> No. 377393 Anonymous
19th June 2014
Thursday 10:10 pm
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>>377388

Indeed, I find that sometimes it has a wonderful soothing effect; but other times it fuels my imagination to the point that it's impossible to sleep until I'm sober again. That's usually when I get to the wanking, I find that when baked, I have vivid fantasies involving my most depraved fetishes that are better than almost any porn.

I miss the days when it would just knock me off my tits, weed tolerance is a really strange thing.
>> No. 377394 Anonymous
20th June 2014
Friday 12:24 pm
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I was having a shower with a male colleague. He kept talking about how relaxed my bumhole was.
>> No. 377395 Anonymous
20th June 2014
Friday 12:55 pm
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I had a great dream.

It was one of those dreams which was like a video game. It was very much like Brothers in Arms, which I haven't played in years - I was leading three units across Nazi-occupied France, one unit of 3 American paratroopers, a unit of Woody the Cowboy clones with functioning firearms and a unit of Buzz Lightyear clones with deadly laser guns.

It sounds pretty stupid but I enjoyed it while it lasted.
>> No. 377401 Anonymous
20th June 2014
Friday 4:51 pm
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I had an incredibly strange dream just this afternoon (I always get the weirdest dreams during afternoon naps). I only really remember bits but the main gist was that I was living a kind of alternate life similar to my own but with completely different people in it and a lot of the worst parts distorted to ridiculous levels (things like chronic lateness, loneliness and general chaos).

A main theme was lack of memory, in the dream life I had vague memories of doing bizzare things like putting all my things outside and sleeping rough or inviting homeless into my house. The strange thing was that I had dreams (multiple) within the dream and a lot of the time I was going around looking for evidence to seperate dream dream from dream.

Also I remember seeing a friend of mine in a subdream, he acted like a pompous dick so I hit him, then I woke up and apologised to him in the macrodream.

All this and I wasn't even stoned. I'm still only 95% sure that I'm not still dreaming.
>> No. 377404 Anonymous
20th June 2014
Friday 9:21 pm
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I don't remember my dreams, if I have any. The problem the last few weeks has been that, every few days, I wake up in the room with either my TV on, or the lights, or something like that. I don't remember turning anything on, and I make sure everything is off before bed. Either there is a ghost in my room, or I've started sleep-walking. I fear the latter more.
>> No. 377418 Anonymous
21st June 2014
Saturday 1:06 am
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>>377401

I had several "metadreams" like this after heavy periods of research chemical use.

The best one was where everything took place within this odd "light" (as opposed to the usual dark, gritty) cyberpunk setting, but there were several sub-plots within (Including one like Half Life, one like the film Cube, and one like Saw) that all linked together via the revelation that my current character had been in a state of unconsciousness (as in, once the subplot came to a climax it would fade out and I woke up back in the "real" plot). They all seemed to unlock new fragments of the main storyline, which eventually culminated with waking up in a cell to discover I was a woman all along, seducing the guard in order to escape, and then finding the bloke in charge at the top of a tower. Naturally he called for security, who chased me down a seemingly endless flight of stairs. Eventually, I got to what appeared to be the bottom. Only, it wasn't an exit, it was a dead end, and- what a twist- the dream started to fade out. Then I woke up and just thought to myself "Woah. That was pretty deep."

Remember, the drugs stay with you, even just the old cannabis. Dreams are a good indication of your mind's general state- Not to sound like one of those astrology dream meaning types, but it seems logical that dreams are basically down to some combination of your brain chemical balance, your subconscious worries and desires, and suchlike coming together to form weird nocturnal patterns. If it bothers you then lay off for a while. You'll be reet.
>> No. 377531 Anonymous
24th June 2014
Tuesday 7:02 pm
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It turned out my grandad who died IRL in 1992 had actually faked his death and was living in a group home three doors from his old address. My mum and grandma knew. There'd been some kind of incident where he'd half-heartedly faked his death back then and people believed it so he was too embarrassed to admit he was still alive. My brother and I went to the group home and asked this slightly subnormal lady if we could see him. She said he probably wouldn't want to.
>> No. 377533 Anonymous
24th June 2014
Tuesday 7:16 pm
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I was an April O'Neil-esque female reporter and my boyfriend was a private detective. There was a serial killer on the loose and he kept sending taunting letters to my boyfriend. I felt the levels of harassment were so deep that out lives were barely worth living anymore so when the serial killer asked me to meet him I agreed and wanted to go and have it out with him.

It was summmer and 5am and bright but polared everywhere. The serial killer took me to a brand new and empty hotel he was the caretaker of. We went in and he said "Let's take the lift." I agreed then got a sudden intuition this wouldn't end well.

I stepped into the lift and it turned out he'd rigged it so he could flip a switch and it would just plummet.

It only dropped from the ground floor to the basement so I was unhurt but the door was opening and it turned out he had a retarded brother locked in there who was a much more sadistic serial killer than he was.

I was shouting up at serial killer #1 that he was only being mean to me because I was beautiful and had red hair.
>> No. 377534 Anonymous
24th June 2014
Tuesday 7:18 pm
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>>377533

>It was summmer and 5am and bright but polared everywhere.

Why does a hot and sandy place filter to polar?
>> No. 377536 Anonymous
24th June 2014
Tuesday 7:24 pm
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This morning I went skiing with Detective Frost from the TV show Frost. His friend with the mustache was there too.

I say went skiing, we were one of those lower middle class looking estates. You know the kinds, still red brick monstrosities but slightly taller with a tiled pattern. Anyway, half the street was covered in snow and we had to get to the bottom of the street that wasn't covered in snow. I was in a barn/warehouse looking through all the difference shoe sizes of skis, and I found a pair that had big foam things behind the feety bits that were to help kids steer. Obviously my brain doesn't know anything about skiing. I had to explain to Frost that I couldn't find any. He said something Frost-y and I woke up. No one is ever going to read this nonsense, and I don't blame them. Blergh.
>> No. 377541 Anonymous
24th June 2014
Tuesday 11:07 pm
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>>377534
Where do eskimos live lad?
>> No. 377576 Anonymous
26th June 2014
Thursday 8:12 pm
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>>377531
>It turned out my grandad who died IRL in 1992 had actually faked his death

that's usually a very shit thing to do, to anybody who cares about you. Unless you are in some kind of witness protection programme, I have no sympathy for such an act of selfishness.

But I've heard that especially on the day of 9/11, a number of people were suspected to have faked their own disappearance in all the turmoil. Well, when you think about it, what better way to get out of a shit marriage or shake off a mountain of financial debt or whatever your motive.

Still a shit move.
>> No. 377580 Anonymous
26th June 2014
Thursday 9:24 pm
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>>377576

Good job it was just a dream... I once had a dream I fucked my mates Mum. I was only 15 at the time though, so should I report her for molestation?
>> No. 377582 Anonymous
26th June 2014
Thursday 9:33 pm
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>>377541

Arabiartica?
>> No. 377591 Anonymous
26th June 2014
Thursday 11:55 pm
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>>377576
It's not a shit move. You are out for yourself. You can't be short-sighted enough to throw yourself under the bus for love, family, loyalty, or whathaveyou. Fuck off.
>> No. 377629 Anonymous
27th June 2014
Friday 8:49 pm
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>>377591

I suppose it depends on who is in on it. If your mum and dad know you're safe and sound, then that might be different, although it's still a shit thing to do to some of your friends who might not be in on it.

Not really to do with faking your own death as such, but the person disappearing, whether for real or not, might not be the only one who is pulling a shit move. I know of a woman who had a wealthy husband, and said wealthy husband disappeared in a plane crash at sea. His body was one of just a few that weren't found, and if you don't have a body, normally it's a lengthy drawn out process to have you declared dead so that your family and loved ones can inherit your possessions fair and square. While things are still in limbo, courts can appoint a trustee to oversee a missing person's assets. Well, his wife seemed really very eager to speed up the process, got the best lawyers writing all kinds of urging letters to make sure she would get her hands on his wealth as soon as possible. It was disgusting to see. I do reckon normally you would move heaven and hell to maybe even find your spouse alive after all. But not her. Her focus was 100% on having her husband declared dead. Money grubbing bitch.
>> No. 377630 Anonymous
27th June 2014
Friday 8:58 pm
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I remember this story from last year.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2372134/Father-vanished-16-years-ago-legally-pronounced-dead-reappears-alive-having-started-new-life-gay-man.html
>> No. 377635 Anonymous
28th June 2014
Saturday 3:30 pm
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This morning I dreamt i was hanging around with some nerds of some sort. We went to some small-scale computer fayre, and this chap with a messy stand showed us his PC launch control - Like instead of a power button on the case, it was like 2 joysticks, one for each hand, that you held and simultaneously pressed a "Go" button on each. We thought it was completely pointless when he described it, but then we had a go and we were all amazed, thinking it's the coolest thing ever.
>> No. 377864 Anonymous
2nd July 2014
Wednesday 5:31 pm
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This morning I was in the bath and needed to wee. I hesitated because I have to be careful when I feel like that because I could be in a dream and pissing my bed, but in the end it was natural to relax and let it flow while surrounded by all that warm water.

And then I woke up.

For fuck's sake. I checked and concluded that I wasn't in a dream in a dream, and ended up with a wet mattress for my trouble.
>> No. 377865 Anonymous
2nd July 2014
Wednesday 5:52 pm
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>>377864
Are you some kind of filthy northerner?
>> No. 377866 Anonymous
2nd July 2014
Wednesday 6:02 pm
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Well try this one on for size lads.

My best mate invited me over, and we went upstairs, where he calmly told me that his girlfriend was going to suck my dick. I was a bit puzzled and considered texting my girlfriend about the whole matter, but in the end I let her do it.

The wired thing is she's a bit of a munter in real life so I don't really know why I would want this to happen.
>> No. 377867 Anonymous
2nd July 2014
Wednesday 6:13 pm
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I had a dream about this place the other day. My name and emails were being posted on the site but when I opened up the threads to investigate they had all vanished. I blamed javascript then woke up.
>> No. 377868 Anonymous
2nd July 2014
Wednesday 8:39 pm
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>>377865
What's that supposed to mean? You don't wee in the bath? Fair enough perhaps but don't start being northerner-racist, plenty of people do too I'm sure.
>> No. 377869 Anonymous
2nd July 2014
Wednesday 9:02 pm
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>>377866
Sounds like your subconscious is gearing you up for some swinging.
>> No. 378851 Anonymous
15th July 2014
Tuesday 1:41 am
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I was in my local village just getting off a bus sparking up a cigarette and Andrew Connolly wearing the outfit Nic Cage wore in Snake Eyes stopped a car waving his hands about (it was an American muscle car from the looks of it)

I stopped for a moment knowing something was about to happen as the male driver wearing some sort of leopard pattern jacket looked defiant. He reminded me of Tommy from the Shawshank Redemption movie as he had that 50s rebellious attitude about him. Andrew in a Southern, possibly cockney accent (which I thought was odd considering he's Irish) bellowed out "ARE YOU FUCKING MY SISTER?". I watched for a bit and a black woman exit the car looking a little confused.

Then I left the area as my cigarette corked.
>> No. 378892 Anonymous
16th July 2014
Wednesday 1:01 am
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purple sent me an email revealing that he was Raymond Blanc. I went to his kitchen and worked for him, almost the entire dream was me talking to Raymond Blanc about beefy poz loads etc. Then somehow .gs found out, and almost everyone stopped posting in protest of the fact the site was run by a frenchman.
>> No. 378893 Anonymous
16th July 2014
Wednesday 12:41 pm
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For the last two mornings I woken up from a play through of a game I'm calling "Idealised Relationship Simulator 3000". Last night it was a guy, this morning it was a woman. It's a bit depressing tbh.

That was "classic British understatement", it's profoundly depressing.
>> No. 378894 Anonymous
16th July 2014
Wednesday 6:11 pm
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>>378893
It's alright, even the dreams where my ex is pissed off at me are somehow nice, because in the dream world my ex still cares about anything to do with me in order to get pissed off at my behaviour.

Soft you, now. Ah - nymph! In thy orisons be all my sins remembered...
>> No. 378895 Anonymous
16th July 2014
Wednesday 6:45 pm
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A bizarre one last night lads.

I was at one of those swimming centre places with flumes, wave machines and the like. Now for some reason, I was swimming round with a bottle of coke and while attempting to take a sip mid swim, I ended up being dragged out by the female lifeguard, who then shoved her hand down my shorts and grabbed my cock. I remember asking her if this was standard procedure, then waking up. Bugger.
>> No. 378953 Anonymous
17th July 2014
Thursday 3:13 pm
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>>378895
> who then shoved her hand down my shorts and grabbed my cock. I remember asking her if this was standard procedure
Mirth.
>> No. 379017 Anonymous
18th July 2014
Friday 10:52 am
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I was sent into orbit for some business reason, I'm not sure what. It was pretty scary. The shuttle back down overshot the end of the runway which was annoying as it meant we had to walk a long way back to the port, which I was feeling annoyed about until I noticed that one of my friends from primary school was there on crutches, heavily overweight and with one leg so I walked slowly with him. Later, at the stony beach, there were a few people wearing power ranger costumes, but shitty cheap ones so instead of any actual powers they just had things like interchangeable visors, you know how toys advertise themselves like that. Unlike them, I had an expensive metallic green Godzilla costume on which was so convincing that by the time I'd reached the end of the beach, taken the helmet off and had a piss up a wall, there was a crowd looking for Godzilla. I couldn't get the helmet back on properly so sort of squat-waddle-ran around the crowd back up the beach. Some time after that I had a wet dream, except I didn't because I was just having a dream about it, so I just had a dream about a wet dream and it didn't make any mess, which was great.
>> No. 379151 Anonymous
20th July 2014
Sunday 12:20 am
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>>>379017

About 5/8 times a year I have this recurring same place dream. It's based on this weird place. Few nights ago it was Sleater Kinney returning the favour of being in my dreamplace and taking me to theirs. Mark E Smith usually bumbles about in a depressing council flat.
>> No. 379173 Anonymous
20th July 2014
Sunday 1:15 pm
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Perhaps influenced by the fact that there were two episodes of "8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Cuntdown" on tv yesterday, I had a dream that I was Joe Wilkinson and I was dicking around in the Countdown studio and taking the piss much the same way the real Joe Wilkinson does every week.

I watch too much telly.
>> No. 379174 Anonymous
20th July 2014
Sunday 1:23 pm
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>>379173

And I wonder why I didn't seize the opportunity to shag Rachel Riley while I was there... this was my chance... *sigh*
>> No. 379475 Anonymous
25th July 2014
Friday 11:58 am
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I was on this anti-government protest but a bit worried because I didn't have any sort of mask. Some kid kept flame-throwering me before the march started but I managed to talk him out of it. So it all gets going and we're following a government car down the road, then a man in a suit who's following a strange route down the road over what appear to be poorly-rendered spike traps like you'd see in an N64 platformer. They were almost entirely immaterial though and didn't hurt anyone. Then the four of us at the front of the march (me, a Chinese couple and some sort of vague girlfriend-like entity) were working our way up through a series of N64-like tunnels, having to zip-line between windows and such. Obviously some sort of government trap, but we kept going until we could figure out where we were or maybe what our real bodies were doing, or what the point of putting us in here was. I started to get a bit peeved with the Chinese guy as he wasn't helping his lady out, leaving her to dangle outside on the zip-wires with the way in closed while the rest of us were preoccupied, that sort of thing. It was okay though because she was quite cute and gave me the eye for helping her out.

Last night I was invaded by giant spiders, huge brown chitinous things maybe 6-8 inches long, incredibly vivid. I wasn't sure what to make of them until I noticed something bigger, like a grey, wingless, daddy long-legs wasp thing, you know the ones with the horribly long stinger-looking thing? The whole thing was about a foot long and the end of its stinger/ovipositor kept switching between being needle-sharp and having a mouth full of vicious teeth. It was right next to me as well. I was just trying and failing to think of something I could use to kill it when one of the large spiders wrapped it up double-time in some straw-like web then went inside the web to fight it. Then I woke up absolutely covered in mosquito bites.
>> No. 379478 Anonymous
25th July 2014
Friday 3:08 pm
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>>379475
Yeah, 'dream'...
>> No. 379480 Anonymous
25th July 2014
Friday 4:34 pm
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I just woke up from three different dreams in one.

The first one I was in some kind of museum that was like ikea in that you followed a path through egypt, dinosaurs, world wars and the stuff, except in the centre of each room were racks and racks of t-shirts for sale, I distinctly remember the tags read "£7.50, Two for £25, Walmart RRP £50". Then I met an old college mate and we played some historical themed dodge ball video game.

Second one I was biking to Liverpool from Manchester on one of those 'look at me I think I'm a car' bikes and I had all the gear on though for some reason I had a box of mixed sweets that I was chomping on, that was until I lost my teeth and looked down to an empty box of sweets, went into a shop to buy more and entered the third dream.

I was outside a car and I was convinced I was high so Imagine my surprise when I'm in full police uniform with my sister next to me dressed as a copper too, apparently were were conducting raids on a few houses but the numbers, of which I had wrote on some paper, kept changing. I noticed a kerfuffle outside one of the doors and suddenly recognised that we were on my old street, so I went up to the door, where another officer was dialing 999 for backup and apparently there were two people inside with a crowbar and a crossbow. Me and the rest of the filth retreated to one street over for whatever reason and I looked to my left only to notice something was a bit off, it took me a bit to figure out, there was a big bloke in a ski mask and a high viz jacket, holding a shotgun just walking between us all, he looked like the cops but just 'off', I was too terrified to say anything and we walked like this for about ten minutes.

Then I woke up, sleep medication always gives me the fuckedest dreams.
>> No. 379537 Anonymous
26th July 2014
Saturday 1:36 pm
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I am on an antidepressant, and one side effect ist that you have really quite vivid dreams, to the point where they can feel absolutely real. Most of them are very pleasant dreams, nightmares have become much rarer for me.

It makes life a bit more bearable. Maybe it's a weird kind of escapism, but now at least at night while I am dreaming I get to experience joy and excitement.

Sorry, I just simply have a shit life with little hope for improvement.
>> No. 379543 Anonymous
26th July 2014
Saturday 3:33 pm
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>>379537
White, middle-class, first-world blues. Get over yourself.
>> No. 379546 Anonymous
26th July 2014
Saturday 4:23 pm
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>>379543

you don't fucking know me or my problems.

Don't be a judgemental twat.
>> No. 379549 Anonymous
26th July 2014
Saturday 5:20 pm
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>>379546
Don't bring everybody else down if you're not even going to bother seeking help for it. "Boo-hoo, my life is hopeless. Pity me?" stinks of teenladdery.

/emo/ it or haul your arse off the internet.

(Retract last sentence if you've beaten me to the punch and already made a thread. I shan't apologise though, you shit.)
>> No. 379550 Anonymous
26th July 2014
Saturday 5:28 pm
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>>379549

Are you taking the piss? If he's on antidepressants he has obviously already sought help, which is the hardest thing he could have done. Do you think that any self righteous third rate advice you could give on /emo/ is better than the medical help he's getting?

Stay in /iq/.
>> No. 379551 Anonymous
26th July 2014
Saturday 5:30 pm
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>>379543
You can fuck off, as can he.
>> No. 379553 Anonymous
26th July 2014
Saturday 5:36 pm
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>>379550

Actually, yes. I was on antidepressants and psychtherapy for four years, and while it was a big step to take it helped only partially. Discussing my issues amongst my peers, especially in mostly anonymous environs such as that .gs provides eventually helped me to become the self-sustaining person I am today.

Sorry for derailing this thread further, purple.

He started it.
>> No. 379681 Anonymous
28th July 2014
Monday 4:36 pm
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I was on a couch with Isy Suttie and we were watching TV when something she was in came on, at some point she put her head on my shoulder and I asked her "is the actor Kevin Eldon really nice?", and she said yes. Then we kissed.

;_; </3
>> No. 379684 Anonymous
28th July 2014
Monday 5:14 pm
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I had a dream the other night that I was on my way to a holiday in Magaluf with my mates, and Stacey Dooley was at the airport trying to stop me from boarding that plane. She said something like, "think of all the victimised women down there!".

I watch too much bloody TV. The other night, Stacey Dooley was actually on TV in "Stacey Dooley Does Magaluf". Well, or something like that. A bleeding heart shock value monstrosity where she shed light on the dark side of holidaying in Shagaluf... in her usual mind-bogglingly inane style of faux journalism.
>> No. 379685 Anonymous
28th July 2014
Monday 5:30 pm
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>>379684
She is such an absolute cunt. How the fuck did she get on the air. I hate her.
>> No. 379686 Anonymous
28th July 2014
Monday 5:38 pm
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>>379685

You only hate her as long as you try and suppress the urge to spank her naughty little bum and tell her what a bad girl she's been, before making her polish off your knob as a punishment.

... IYKWIM.
>> No. 379687 Anonymous
28th July 2014
Monday 5:41 pm
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>>379685

yes she just makes me cringe. My nan could do a better job as a TV presenter than her.
>> No. 379688 Anonymous
28th July 2014
Monday 5:46 pm
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>>379686

>You only hate her as long as you try and suppress the urge to spank her naughty little bum and tell her what a bad girl she's been, before making her polish off your knob as a punishment.

erm, no. Rachel Riley or even Holly Willoughby any day. But I fucking. hate. Stacey. Dooley.

Seriously, one time during sex with my ex girlfriend, for some reason I suddenly had an image of Stacey Dooley in the back of my head. It stopped me dead in my tracks.
>> No. 379689 Anonymous
28th July 2014
Monday 5:47 pm
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>>379686
She pisses me off that much I couldn't even hatefuck her.
>> No. 379690 Anonymous
28th July 2014
Monday 5:50 pm
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>>379689

>She pisses me off that much I couldn't even hatefuck her.

Couldn't have said it better myself, m8!
>> No. 379692 Anonymous
28th July 2014
Monday 6:14 pm
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>>379688
>>379689
>>379690

I'm sorry to have to break this to you, lads, but you're all big gay poofs who bum blokes. In the arse.
>> No. 379693 Anonymous
28th July 2014
Monday 6:17 pm
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>>379692
>but you're all big gay poofs who bum blokes. In the arse.

I didn't hear you complain the last time we met.
>> No. 379695 Anonymous
28th July 2014
Monday 7:22 pm
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>>379692
>In the arse.

Where else would you bum them?
>> No. 379696 Anonymous
28th July 2014
Monday 7:34 pm
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>>379695
>Where else would you bum them?

In a toilet stall?
>> No. 379697 Anonymous
28th July 2014
Monday 8:02 pm
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>>379695

In the gob.

http://www.youtube.com/v/my2NVhUjekA
>> No. 379698 Anonymous
28th July 2014
Monday 8:12 pm
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>>379697

>In the gob.

erm... technically, wouldn't that be called gobbing?
>> No. 379720 Anonymous
29th July 2014
Tuesday 12:19 am
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>>379698
No.
>> No. 379727 Anonymous
29th July 2014
Tuesday 1:11 am
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>>379681
I had a dream about Kevin Eldon the other night too.

Spooky.
>> No. 379728 Anonymous
29th July 2014
Tuesday 2:17 am
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>>379727

He's in bloody everything!
>> No. 379734 Anonymous
29th July 2014
Tuesday 12:57 pm
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>>379720

with a hairdo like that, Voller would have deserved much worse.
>> No. 379757 Anonymous
29th July 2014
Tuesday 7:21 pm
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>>379734

What do you expect, he's German. They've been getting away with such atrocities for years.
>> No. 379760 Anonymous
29th July 2014
Tuesday 7:32 pm
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>>379757
That. Just look at Hitler. Who on earth told him that moustache was a good idea?
>> No. 379761 Anonymous
29th July 2014
Tuesday 7:39 pm
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>>379760
His commanding officer in WWI allegedly ordered him to trim his Kaiser 'stache, to facilitate the wearing of a gas mask.
>> No. 379762 Anonymous
29th July 2014
Tuesday 7:46 pm
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>>379761
Pretty sure that's a pic of one of the Chuckle Brothers. I wonder if they're descended from Hitler.
>> No. 379776 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 12:04 pm
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>>379761

I think Hitler took his cue more from Charlie Chaplin. As absurd as that sounds, Hitler was known to be a fan of Chaplin's works.

Fact is, Chaplin already sported a mustache like that in some of his silent movies in the mid-1910s, which predated the Third Reich by 20 years.

Kind of sad when you think that Hitler spoiled a whole style of mustache for all eternity. Same as the swastika. The swastika used to be just simply a symbol of luck and good fortune in Hindu culture and in some parts of the Mideast and Asia, and had been used as such for hundreds of years.
>> No. 379782 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 2:40 pm
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>>379776
While it's true that in later life he did copy his moustache from Chaplin, it's pretty obvious from the picture in >>379761 that he was rocking the Kaiser 'tache in earlier times. Have a bit of nous...
>> No. 379811 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 4:30 pm
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>>379776
Have you watched Richard Herring's show about it?
>> No. 379817 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 5:43 pm
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>>379782

all I said was that Hitler at some point in time quite probably copied the moustache from Chaplin (which makes it quite a bizarre twist that Chaplin in turn copied/parodied Hitler in "The Great Dictator"). I did not say that Hitler never had a Kaiser 'stache.

Who needs to have a bit of nous now.
>> No. 379818 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 5:48 pm
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>>379776

Yeah, the mustache thing is a bit of a bummer. Personally I'd rank the millions dead through genocide and war as a greater loss, but maybe my priorities are screwy.
>> No. 379820 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 5:55 pm
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>>379818

>Personally I'd rank the millions dead through genocide and war as a greater loss

Ah yes, my mistake. You're right in suggesting that that is probably much more unfortunate than being limited in your facial grooming choices.
>> No. 379821 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 6:20 pm
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>>379820
What was your mistake? You didn't suggest you thought otherwise.
>> No. 379822 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 6:34 pm
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>>379821

sorry, I don't get your point...?
>> No. 379824 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 9:03 pm
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>>379818
Calling out his tache is not an endorsement of the genocide. In much the same way that suggesting that the Chuckle Brothers might have done a bit of the old noncing is not an endorsement of To Me To You.
>> No. 379825 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 9:16 pm
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>>379824

So what you're saying is basically learn how to think?
>> No. 379826 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 9:30 pm
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>>379824

>Calling out his tache is not an endorsement of the genocide.

exactly. It wasn't like, "ah, bless him and his funny holocaust antics, but too bad about the moustache".

Aside from all those horrific mass murder crimes, it was just an observation I offered that Hitler also made it impossible to sport that kind of moustache and not get bad looks. The same way that he forever made an innocent display of a swastika impossible, which, again, simply used to be a light-hearted symbol of good fortune in Hindu culture, without any racist or other supremacist connotations at all.
>> No. 379827 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 9:36 pm
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>>379826
Also, one can no longer do a lazy wave without being mistaken for a Nazi.
>> No. 379828 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 9:45 pm
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I have a (rare) recurring nightmare in which I'm a major supporting character in a play back at school, it's the opening night, and I haven't learnt any of my lines. So the play is going on out front, drawing inevitably closer to my first scene of many, while I'm backstage frantically trying to find a spare copy of the play so I can find out what the hell it is I'm supposed to say, and then once I do despairing at the revelation that I have about a hundred lines and I'll never remember them all properly and I'm about to let everybody down, and wishing that I'd taken the time to learn my part.

In reality I was a bit of a thespian in the tie-and-blazer days and I'd learn my lines well, but even so presumably something like this would have been flagged up at rehearsal stage.
>> No. 379830 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 10:14 pm
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I had a strange dream last night that I was on a bus in London and all of a sudden it was announced that as of today, that bus would go all the way to Paris.

Strangely, in my dream it looked like London and Paris were practically one and the same urban area; for some reason, my sister was with me on that bus and said "Look carefully out the window, or you're gonna miss the point where London ends and Paris begins!"

Either this was just some irrelevant nonsense, or my subconscious is utterly shit at basic geography.
>> No. 379831 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 10:28 pm
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>>379830

It might have been a vision of the future where Paris and London have merged into a belt of continuous urban sprawl.
>> No. 379832 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 11:02 pm
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>>379831
>> No. 379833 Anonymous
30th July 2014
Wednesday 11:04 pm
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>>379832
It's like a manta ray that's just done a big jobby.
>> No. 379848 Anonymous
31st July 2014
Thursday 9:56 am
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>>379832

If the channel ever closes up, I wanna see Doggerland back.
>> No. 379849 Anonymous
31st July 2014
Thursday 10:13 am
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>>379832

Santa María!
>> No. 379850 Anonymous
31st July 2014
Thursday 10:25 am
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>>379848
Just go to a secluded layby like everyone else.
>> No. 379857 Anonymous
31st July 2014
Thursday 1:38 pm
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>>379848

>Doggerland

now there's a concept... an entire country devoted to dogging.
>> No. 379873 Anonymous
31st July 2014
Thursday 10:38 pm
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