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>> No. 407828 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 1:36 pm
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Weekend thread? Weekend thread.

How's it going, lads?
254 posts omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 408881 Anonymous
4th March 2017
Saturday 11:33 pm
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There's some sort of chain of charity shops called "Geranium shops for the blind" which seems odd to me I mean how many geraniums do they need?
>> No. 408882 Anonymous
4th March 2017
Saturday 11:49 pm
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A while ago, I found myself wondering, what's the point of going on holiday if you're blind. The Costa Del Sol might smell and sound different from Brixton, but still...

I also imagine that being on a plane as a blind person is many times more terrifying than for somebody who has eyesight.
>> No. 408883 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 12:06 am
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You can feel the sun, eat and try new things, enjoy the holiday atmosphere... It's not all about the view.
>> No. 408886 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 2:13 am
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You can sit under a sun lamp eating tapas and playing with duolingo for a fraction of the price. If my wife was blind I'd probably just do that and pocket the holiday money.


> I also imagine that being on a plane as a blind person is many times more terrifying than for somebody who has eyesight.

Probably the stupidest thing I ever did was ketamine on a plane.
>> No. 408895 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 10:44 am
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Marketing flowers for the blind seems a bit snarky to me. Like offering lullabies to the deaf.
>> No. 408896 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 11:36 am
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They can smell them.
>> No. 408897 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 12:01 pm
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>Probably the stupidest thing I ever did was ketamine on a plane.

We went on a family holiday once, and my older brother took a medication against motion sickness during the flight. It was a long-haul flight to Sri Lanka, so he really must have been munching them away. He was fine during the flight, but then when we got to our hotel, that afternoon he started seeing things and hallucinating. When I came into the room one time, he looked at me terrified and swore he thought I was the devil incarnate.

It later turned out that the motion sickness drug he was taking could lead to hallucination and other psychoactive effects if taken by children in overdoses. My brother was twelve, so he wasn't a small child anymore, but he was really out of it. Luckily, the effects wore off over night and the next day he was back to normal again.
>> No. 408898 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 12:17 pm
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I was talking about the blind, not poofs.
>> No. 408902 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 3:40 pm
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Some weird ideas about blind people in this thread.
>> No. 408908 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 7:19 pm
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Well it's not like they can read them, anyways.
>> No. 409028 Anonymous
11th March 2017
Saturday 9:16 pm
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Every time I go back to my uni town, I just think "Why the fuck did I ever leave?" How sad would it be for me, a grown-ass graduate, to move back after less than a year in That London? Basically, when does it become unacceptable to shark on undergrad girls?
>> No. 409029 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 12:23 am
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I may have inherited my dad's heart condition.

I'm 35 and am beginning to get palpitations under stress that feel like a vice tightening around my chest, and occasional stinging sensations in the heart region.

My dad will be 61 in April and has the heart of a 75-year-old. He told me that's how it started with him. Also in his mid-30s. I've got an appointment with a heart specialist next week for some tests.
>> No. 409030 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 12:30 am
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>> No. 409031 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 12:35 am
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Are you going to kill yourself if the doctor gives you bad news? Are you mad at your mum or dad for bringing you into the world?
>> No. 409032 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 12:48 am
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>My dad will be 61 in April and has the heart of a 75-year-old.
Does the 75-year-old know?
>> No. 409034 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 1:40 pm
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No, not really.

But it looks like heart problems indeed run in our family. At least on my dad's side. My granddad died of a heart attack at age 78. My uncle on my dad's side is 65 and has a similarly weak heart as my dad, although it's not quite as bad.

I guess I got the good hair from my mum's side (not a hint of hair loss or grey hair at age 35) and the bad heart from my dad. You win some, you lose some.
>> No. 409035 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 4:13 pm
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My ISP has informed me that they're doing essential maintenance this weekend and likely next weekend. All I want when I'm not at work is to slob out and play video games and binge Netflix.

Oh and with there being a little bit of sun all my neighbours have decided to do loud outdoor things like mowing the lawn, chopping wood and let their dogs bark.
>> No. 409036 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 6:43 pm
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I would draw a line when they start sacrificing goats in the back garden.
>> No. 409037 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 7:06 pm
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Oh, do piss off. I'm early 30's and all the men in my family die from heart attacks at 50. 78? Christ, I would literally kill for that innings.
>> No. 409039 Anonymous
13th March 2017
Monday 1:50 am
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You want sympathy because your genes are even more shit than mine?

50 is slightly young though for fatal heart problems. Do you live in Scotland and subsist on a diet of deep fried Mars bars?
>> No. 409040 Anonymous
13th March 2017
Monday 1:51 am
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50? Count yourself lucky. My family have to reproduce before 30, before the ol' ticker gives out. Got to pass on those genes, though.
>> No. 409041 Anonymous
13th March 2017
Monday 11:38 am
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>Got to pass on those genes, though

Perhaps yours shouldn't be passed on. This is not even meant as an insult.

One of my friends adopted her child, because schizophrenia runs rampant in her family, with people having killed themselves in almost every generation. It mostly affects male family members, but then again, one of her aunts has spent most of her adult life in and out of psychiatric care.

Oh, and my friend has also had one miscarriage, which was so traumatic that she didn't want to run the risk of it happening again. On top of everything else.
>> No. 409042 Anonymous
13th March 2017
Monday 3:56 pm
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Sympathy? Hah. I have adjusted to my limited lifespan.
>> No. 409061 Anonymous
17th March 2017
Friday 2:19 am
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I think the girl I like is about to spend a long weekend getting railed by professional athletes. I mean, I've got nice calves, but if I start busting them out before April I'm only gonna' look desperate.
>> No. 409062 Anonymous
17th March 2017
Friday 2:40 am
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> Perhaps yours shouldn't be passed on. This is not even meant as an insult.

I was honestly looking forward to becoming a leaf node in the tree of life; finally extinguishing the flame of life that's been within me for nigh on 4 billion fucking years. Sadly, it was not be, as my cunt of a wife forced me kicking and screaming into the bizarre mirror world of forced fatherhood.

Nonetheless, I look upon my son and I have to assess thusly: If (as it appears to be) he has half of my good looks and intelligence, and half of the base nastiness and animal cunning of this mother then he'll be the biggest lady killer since Fred fucking West.
>> No. 409063 Anonymous
17th March 2017
Friday 11:27 am
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>Sadly, it was not be, as my cunt of a wife forced me kicking and screaming into the bizarre mirror world of forced fatherhood.

Had something similar happen among my friends. Their relationship was circling the drain, but she didn't want to give up a future as the prospective wife of an orthodontist with a burgeoning private practice (my mate now makes up to £10,000 as take-home during a good month, although it can vary to some degree). Well, she secretly went off the pill, as some women do, and their daughter was born some ten months later. She was hoping that this was going to convince him to stick with the relationship and marry her, but they were just too far gone, and separated for good the following year. But what is going on now is a fierce child support battle in which she has taken him to court twice already because she feels she is entitled to more monthly payout than some people will ever receive as wages for their own hard work. She is an absolute sponge, and has hardly worked at all since they split up. At the moment, she entirely lives off the two grand that she is getting from him a month. And that's already close to double the minimum requirement, because my mate is a generous guy who thinks his daughter shouldn't suffer just because her mum is a cold hearted lazy money grubbing bitch.

Just a cautionary tale. Be careful who you stick your knob into.
>> No. 409076 Anonymous
19th March 2017
Sunday 2:20 am
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>Just a cautionary tale. Be careful who you stick your knob into.

>> No. 409081 Anonymous
19th March 2017
Sunday 8:03 pm
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I received a PayPal Chargeback email for an item I sold on eBay. I've still got the postage receipt with tracking code, even got the proof of delivery with signature that's viewable online.
Maybe I should get in touch with this lad and ask him what's the craic, or should I just let PayPal sort it out (ha!).

I'll distract myself later by watching Operation Good Guys.
Thanks for the tip >>407828, it's even funnier than I remember.
>> No. 409083 Anonymous
19th March 2017
Sunday 11:36 pm
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I work for a small business that sells through ebay, and both ebay and paypal support are usually very helpful from my perspective. You have the proof of delivery, just be polite to the phone support people and they shouldn't reverse the charge unless the item is being returned and you verify that it has been returned in the original condition.
>> No. 409084 Anonymous
20th March 2017
Monday 9:13 am
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Or they ask some fuckwit in Texas to take a sledgehammer to a Stradivarius without contacting the seller, valuers or indeed anyone but some fucking retard.
>> No. 409098 Anonymous
21st March 2017
Tuesday 10:40 am
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This is why we need more women to be fisherpersons.
>> No. 409107 Anonymous
22nd March 2017
Wednesday 1:38 pm
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> This is why we need more women to be fisherpersons.

You will find that many fisherpersons see nothing wrong with this scenario. He got her pregnant, and he's got a sumptuous income. Why should he not be made to pay through the nose. What's the point of still pursuing self-actualisation if you can just have an estranged ex partner with deep pockets bankrolling your lifestyle. Men earn too much compared to women anyway, y'know.
>> No. 409148 Anonymous
22nd March 2017
Wednesday 11:17 pm
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No, that is not a fisherperson sentiment.
>> No. 409243 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 2:44 pm
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My gossippy neighbour is annoying the royal fuck out of me. She has lived in the flat next door with her boyfriend for about a year. Late 20s couple with great ambitions, a bit like a modern day Marcy and Steve from Married with Children.

I have jokingly called her the building's GCHQ, because she always wants to know everything about everybody, and is completely oblivious to this maybe being perceived as nosy or downright rude by others. She will tell you when the lady downstairs takes her dog for a walk, or when the lad upstairs has put too much stuff in the wheelie bins again.

I have stopped even telling her anything about my private life, as she has seemed to take great delight in hearing all the juicy details about who I have been going out with, or even how my career is going.

A while ago, I had a job interview, coincidentally at the same company where her boyfriend works, albeit a totally different branch. So one day on the balcony, I told them that I had had a job interview at that place, and she looked at me almost with diasppointment and then said, "Why didn't you tell us??".

I fucking hate her, and I hate having to make nice with her. Because another thing she does is that she always complains to her boyfriend when people are less polite with her than I am, and just don't take her shit. And I don't want that kind of bad vibe here where I live.
>> No. 409244 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 2:54 pm
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She is clearly looking for some excitement in her life. Why don't you give her a few inches of it tell a few little lies that will keep her mind turning at night?
>> No. 409247 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 4:33 pm
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>She is clearly looking for some excitement in her life

This. I work(ed) with a woman who would not shut up the entire time she was in the office. Always really tedious shite, like that she had pie last night with rice but her partner doesn't like rice so he had it with chips instead. Almost non-stop between 9 and 5. Usually exactly the same pointless witterings are repeated to several different people during the day.

Her first husband was very controlling of her, like making her account for every penny if she went to the shops and forbidding her to contact people, and her current partner spends most evenings playing on his Xbox rather than actually spending time with her so I can see why she does it.

I was placed on gardening leave yesterday, which means for the next 5 weeks until I start my new job I'm going to be paid not to go to work.
>> No. 409248 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 4:39 pm
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I'm stuck at home all weekend because I'm on call. I can't even go visit my mum because the journey will involve being unable to work for longer than the time limit I have to respond. I wouldn't mind so much if there was a serious risk of being called out, but we've been called out twice in six months, and one of those was by accident. I also wouldn't mind so much if I was paid a decent rate for being on call.
>> No. 409249 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 5:14 pm
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My mate had gardening leave for six months cos he was moving to a major competitor. He didn't really want to leave, he just wanted to force the company's hand for higher pay.
>> No. 409250 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 8:25 pm
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Doctor? Firefighter?
>> No. 409251 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 8:34 pm
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I strongly believe that neighbours shouldn't fuck, at least not when one of them is in a steady relationship. Also, IMO she isn't attractive enough to risk it. I am not going to upset delicate balances in this building any further by getting it on with a 6/10 while her boyfriend is out with his mates.

I must admit though that I used to rub one out now and then over that early 30s single mom/MILF who used to live on the top floor. She was smoking hot, with a toned body which put that of many women ten years younger to shame. She actually met somebody on eHarmony, and they have now moved in together into a bigger place. Kind of a shame that she's gone. Besides being very fuckable, she was just an all around pleasant person.
>> No. 409252 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 9:32 pm
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If I'd known they were going to put me on gardening leave I'd have never negotiated my notice period down from 12 weeks. Oh well. I'm probably never going to have this much time off work in a row until I retire.
>> No. 409253 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 10:47 pm
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On the one hand, you're getting seven weeks less than you would have got before. On the other, you're going to be on your new (hopefully) considerably higher pay for those seven weeks.
>> No. 409254 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 11:53 pm
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I've been writing up a detailed abstract on my thesis. I shouldn't be doing this as the work isn't finished but I wasted 6 hours on the train last week because my supervisors couldn't understand a section I sent over so this is to help them.

Apparently they read my work 4 times but not once did they think to look over any of the previous work/plans I've sent to get the context which they missed (and to which I explained pretty fucking quickly). I'm not even sure how much they paid attention when reading it because they tried some points that were clearly explained within the section itself and furthermore dared to claim that I didn't know what I was talking about even on fundamentals.

The icing on the cake was when I arrived in the meeting being told that they were 'very cross with me' and had spent the previous half-hour bitching about me thinking they would just eat my alive. Needless to say I am fuming.

The lesson here is if you apply to do research and don't get the supervisor you wanted don't assume that they guy you get is a well decided fit. Instead you get the jackasses.

Well in my defence I struck that bit out. What you really should do though is have a little fun while you teach her a life lesson. Maybe drop some hints that the woman upstairs is a reptilian.

Sure she will laugh at first but then the woman upstairs will start sunbathing every-morning and regenerating a lost limb. Perfectly normal stuff until the suspicion is there.

What do you plan on doing with all that time?
>> No. 409273 Anonymous
26th March 2017
Sunday 10:08 am
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>What do you plan on doing with all that time?

I'm a bit limited as I've got kids, so won't be able to do too much apart from when they're off for Easter. I'm also going to be a bit fucked financially next month because my employer is going to take all my exam fees for the past two years off my final pay and that's going to be at least £1,000, possibly nearer to £2,000, but the net amount won't be so bad if it's before tax, NI, pension, student loan, etc.

I've got a couple of CII exams next week so I'm planning on doing a bit of extra revision this week. My other half is on maternity leave so I think she's been drawing up plans to redecorate and do up our front garden. There's also a few old friends who've said they want to meet up for a pint so I'll also take them up on their offers.
>> No. 409278 Anonymous
26th March 2017
Sunday 10:35 pm
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I spent my weekend doing work, mainly. Had a meeting and did some stuff, my "boss" wants us to do a social media push including on twitter so I spent much of today making absurd and nonsensical memes to post automatically through the week. It feels like we're supposed to spend more time, thought and effort on advertising the product than on the product itself.
>> No. 409282 Anonymous
27th March 2017
Monday 12:10 am
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The older I get, the more I enjoy my everyday little passive aggressive moments.

I was just driving home an hour ago, and I was approaching a school zone when suddenly some bell end in a Volkwsagen Touareg came up behind me and I saw in the rear view mirror that he was in a real hurry and at some point practically less than two feet behind me. He kept swerving his car, trying to overtake me. Illegally, on a narrow two-way residential neighbourhood main road.

I wasn't having any of it, so then we were coming up to the school zone, I slowed down to precisely 20 mph and kept those 20 mph for the whole one mile of the school zone. I could tell he was getting livid, and there were too many obstructions and cars coming our way from the opposite direction, so he had no choice but to wait for the end of the school zone. Right after the school zone, the road became wider with two lanes per direction, and he took the opportunity to make a point of pulling up from behind me and then doing a kickdown and pretty much accelerating to what seemed like 60 mph. In a 30 zone, mind you.

If middle age means you start to enjoy pissing people off like that, then I am whole heartedly looking forward to it.
>> No. 409283 Anonymous
27th March 2017
Monday 1:10 am
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I did something very similar, but at the end of the low speed zone I accelerated off as fast as I could just as he was about to get the presumably satisfying overtake past me. I bet it was like someone stopping you mid sneeze.
>> No. 409284 Anonymous
27th March 2017
Monday 9:20 pm
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You have to be careful not to piss off those boyracerlads too much though. One time, I was travelling on the M4, and there was a big-engined, lowered dark Mercedes full of Mideastern looking young chaps no older than 23 or 24. They kept changing lanes and were just driving recklessly, and one time while I was changing lanes, they nearly crashed into me sideways because the driver very suddenly also wanted to move over into the same lane.

I saw in my rear view mirror that they were gesturing at me wildly. I happened to have my big old Canon EOS camera in the passenger seat, so when they were pulling up next to me, I took the camera and pretended I was taking a picture of them. The driver abruptly stepped on the brakes, but then they proceeded to pull up to me again, and made very menacing hand gestures as if they were going to kill me or beat me up. It was really an "oh shit" kind of moment. Then I saw that an exit was coming up, and that a police car in another lane was getting ready to take that exit. So I took that exit together with the police car, and tried to stay as close to the police as possible. I'll never forget the dirty looks the lads in the Mercedes gave me. It may have been a close call for me.

Moral of the story: take the piss out of people a little bit every day. But be careful and don't overdo it. There are people who won't get the joke.
>> No. 409285 Anonymous
27th March 2017
Monday 9:45 pm
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Might just be Asians. Once I was driving through Dewsbury and a couple of Asian twenty-somethings in a tuned up Corsa tried pulling out of a side street in front of my car, almost causing a crash. I gave them the old Nescafe shake and they proceeded to tailgate, regularly hold down their horn, repeatedly slow down to build a gap before rapidly accelerating and slamming their brakes on at the last minute and trying to get their car alongside mine whenever there was no oncoming traffic.
>> No. 409286 Anonymous
28th March 2017
Tuesday 10:25 am
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This is why you need a dashcam these days lads.

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