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>> No. 407828 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 1:36 pm
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Weekend thread? Weekend thread.

How's it going, lads?
Expand all images.
>> No. 407832 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 2:13 pm
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>Weekend thread? Weekend thread.
Does this get on anybody else's tits?
>> No. 407834 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 2:26 pm
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>>407832

It must be hell inside your mind.
>> No. 407835 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 2:30 pm
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>>407834
>> No. 407837 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 3:22 pm
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>>407832
Whoever posts the weekend thread phrases it how they want. Them's the rules. You've had all Friday evening and Saturday morning to get in first.
>> No. 407838 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 3:34 pm
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>>407837
I didn't demand that he takes it down, did I?
>> No. 407839 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 3:41 pm
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>>407838
Has someone pissed in your cornflakes, lad?
>> No. 407840 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 3:58 pm
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>>407839
>* thread? * thread.
Warms my piss. Is that such a problem?
>> No. 407841 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 4:00 pm
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>>407832
Nah you're not alone. But can we draw this cunt-off to a close and just post about our fucking weekends please.

I'm going to see La La Land tomorrow. Looks like boring shite.
>> No. 407844 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 4:32 pm
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>>407841
Yet you're still going.
>> No. 407845 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 4:37 pm
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>>407844
His missus has him by the bollocks.
>> No. 407846 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 4:37 pm
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I am having a very restful and introspective weekend.
>> No. 407857 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 4:58 pm
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Might have a dabble with Doom later, picked it up in Steam sale but only just got round to downloading.
>> No. 407858 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 5:19 pm
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>>407838

Doing that would have made you a humourless laughing stock.

Oh wait.
>> No. 407860 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 5:21 pm
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>>407858
how would he be laughing if he was humourless
>> No. 407861 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 5:23 pm
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I paid a garage £20 to bolt the heat shield back onto my exhaust.
I'd have done it myself if I had a jack and stands and somewhere to put them, and if I could be arsed lying on my back on tarmac in the middle of January for an hour and pissing around with rusted bolts.
>> No. 407865 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 5:58 pm
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>>407858
I made a /101/ish remark. Why are you trying to turn this into a cunt off?
>> No. 407867 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 6:18 pm
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>>407861
My dad recently replaced the suspension on his car. Now theres a job that gets some respect if you don't have a press.
>> No. 407868 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 6:46 pm
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The skin has completely cracked on three knuckles on my right hand, probably because I'm not smart enough to wear gloves. It's an absolute ballache, if I have q shower or simply wash my hands they sting loads.
>> No. 407869 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 6:49 pm
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>>407868

During what activity should you have been wearing gloves?
>> No. 407870 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 6:52 pm
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>>407869
Going outside in winter.
>> No. 407871 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 7:03 pm
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>>407868
If you have cracked skin on your hands, try that o'keeffes hand cream that's advertised on TV alot. I really can't recommend it enough.
Don't worry about the price either as a single tub goes a long long way, unless you work on a building site or have really dry hands, a tub will last you years.
>> No. 407873 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 7:20 pm
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>>407867

You can try one of those DIY garages that have been cropping up everywhere the last few years. I do all my own repairs at one here in the area. You can rent a car lift hourly, and it's fully equipped with professional tools that you can rent as well, and it also has a hydraulic press, a welding kit and a tyre changing machine.

I've saved loads of money the last few years that way.
>> No. 407878 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 8:15 pm
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I got a fitbit for Christmas off a very generous relative. I'm a very casual runner but am also a bit of a nerd for the statistics.

I've become more than slightly addicted, I'm walking everywhere and jumping out of bed for runs because I'm enjoying it that much.

It's absolutely fascinating how it tracks my sleep (my restlessness through the night included to calculate how good my sleep was), my steps, my heart rate, distance, stairs, calories, everything and it even knows if I go and do exercise and automatically tracks the difference between walking around the house and doing a proper walk through a forest or something. I can update it and just see on my phone or login online for all the data.

Even being able to see my runs on a map and compare exactly where my heart rate was fastest, or where my pace dropped is absolutely unreal. It's a fantastic piece of technology and it's really amazing how having little targets to hit can motivate you when you can clearly see them.

I would wholly recommend for anybody looking for motivation or who is a casual-moderate exercise person.
>> No. 407879 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 8:32 pm
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>>407878
How does the battery life hold up? Its something that has always turned me off smart wrist technology and while I know data is out there it never seems to match up with actual experience where people fuck about with apps and the like.

Speaking of smart wrist technology, how does it handle wanking? In fact I imagine even regular sex would be interesting to see in terms of pulse data.
>> No. 407882 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 9:03 pm
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>>407879
Amazingly, I use it pretty extensively (i.e. always checking the time, checking my steps, going for runs with it tracking me, setting loads of silent alarms on it which are another great feature) and I get a good 5 days from it no problem. It's easy to forget that this is constantly checking my heart rate and also tracks my sleep automatically too. Even when you charge it you just plug it into your computer/laptop and usually have a shower, eat breakfast and it's fully charged by then. Although I agree, the concept of charging a watch constantly seems a bit unnatural to me, but after 5 days it doesn't really bother me, compared to say an Apple watch which needs charging every day for the most part.

Can't comment honestly on anything sexual with it, I guess they've considered this at some point, but it probably just registers an increased heart rate and extra calroies being burnt. I've not actually thought to check before and after.

I appreciate I'm starting to sound like a salesman for them now so I'll bugger off.
>> No. 407887 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 9:53 pm
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>>407879
The fitbit is good, but for battery life, get the Garmin Vivofit - its small and relatively low tech, but has a normal watch battery inside it and lasts a year. I've had a couple of them..
>> No. 407898 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 11:25 pm
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I am baking bread again. I've got a cracking recipe for wheat bread that I figured out myself. It's kind of a wheat and rye sourdough bread, although it's really more a white wheat bread. There's about five percent rye flour in it just for the sourdough flavours and to make the texture a bit more rustic. Also, I've added a few tablespoons of durum wheat. It makes the crust nicely crunchy.
>> No. 407902 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 11:34 pm
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I watched star wars episode iv and v with my housemates and chewed off all my fingernails and dug a splinter out of my hand.
>> No. 407906 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 11:44 pm
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My bread is done. Just got it out of the oven. What do you think, .gs?
>> No. 407907 Anonymous
7th January 2017
Saturday 11:47 pm
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>>407906
That looks great.
>> No. 407913 Anonymous
8th January 2017
Sunday 12:09 am
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>>407906
What a fine pair.
>> No. 407914 Anonymous
8th January 2017
Sunday 12:12 am
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>>407906
Lovely looking baps.
>> No. 407927 Anonymous
8th January 2017
Sunday 12:41 pm
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>>407914

They weren't baps, they were two loaves of bread, each about 12 inches long. I probably should have put a ruler or tape measure in the picture for scale.

Very tasty too. One of them is almost gone already.
>> No. 407944 Anonymous
8th January 2017
Sunday 7:59 pm
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Rate my loaf, lads.

I think it looks good from this angle, but looking at it end on it's quite short and fat, with a big muffin top. I need to get a taller tin.
>> No. 407946 Anonymous
8th January 2017
Sunday 8:46 pm
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When I find myself on PornHub I'm increasingly watching videos of pissing into women's mouths. I'm not sure what to make of this. I have no desire to piss inside my girlfriend whatsoever.
>> No. 407947 Anonymous
8th January 2017
Sunday 8:52 pm
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>>407946
>I have no desire to piss inside my girlfriend whatsoever.
Sorry, it means you don't truly love her as much as she deserves.
>> No. 407948 Anonymous
8th January 2017
Sunday 9:14 pm
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>>407944
I'd give that a solid 8 but I would like to see inside - I might upgrade it. Looks excellent ladm8.
>> No. 407949 Anonymous
8th January 2017
Sunday 9:33 pm
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>>407944

Very nice work, lad.

My problem is that I only have a gas stove, so any loaf of bread that I bake will only get heat from the bottom. It means that a golden brown crust on the top side of the loaf is difficult to achieve, and you run the risk of turning the underside of it into charcoal in the process.

I never use a tin or mould btw... if your dough isn't too wet and there is stil enough sugar in the dough for the yeast to make it rise, then you can achieve good upright loaves without a tin.
>> No. 407950 Anonymous
8th January 2017
Sunday 9:35 pm
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>>407946

My understanding of sexual intercourse as a nine year old was very honestly that the man would insert his penis into a vagina to urinate into it. And that somehow within the urine, there must have been the sperm.
>> No. 407952 Anonymous
8th January 2017
Sunday 11:08 pm
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I think they've started making toilet roll narrower. It's happened with a few brands, but I've definitely noticed each individual sheet looks longer and I reckon that'd be through narrowing the width rather than increasing the actual length.
>> No. 407953 Anonymous
8th January 2017
Sunday 11:12 pm
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>>407950
I thought this but went one step further and assumed you did it in her arse. I still live under this illusion

How I ended up straight is anyone's guess.
>> No. 407955 Anonymous
8th January 2017
Sunday 11:21 pm
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>>407953

>assumed you did it in her arse.

The ten year old me also kind of assumed that because girls seemed to have nothing there between their legs, at least nothing that was visible through a bathing suit, that they would somehow in a way piss out of their arse.

I was also dumbfounded by a rude joke that my older brother told me back then. It goes something like this - there are two women sitting next to each other in an office, and suddenly one of them says to the other, "What's that you've got behind your ear... a tampon??" ...and then the other one says, "Oh my gosh, where's my pen??"

I had never heard of tampons, and when my brother explained to me what a tampon is needed for and where it goes, it just blew all my circuits.
>> No. 407956 Anonymous
9th January 2017
Monday 12:25 am
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>>407955
Same here, I thought girls did a wee out of their bum too.

To this day I'm still not entirely sure that they don't.
>> No. 407957 Anonymous
9th January 2017
Monday 12:26 am
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Grooby released Trans6uals II this weekend. Korra del Rio, Natalie Mars, Sarah Webb and Shiri in the same scene. I am severely dehydrated and my cock looks like it has been mauled by a rottweiler. Please send help and/or Savlon.
>> No. 407972 Anonymous
9th January 2017
Monday 5:51 pm
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>>407948
It is very bready.

I tend to just eyeball everything most of the time, but this is around 80-90% white flour, and the balance is rye and spelt to give it a bit extra flavour.
It's a sort of sourdough, but between my starter living in the fridge most of the week to save time effort and money on feeding it properly, and how cold my flat is, it has an extra 1/2 tsp of dried yeast to get it going. I mix the starter and half the flour first and give it a few hours to work, then the rest of the flour and the yeast later in the day, and that seems quite a reliable way to get a decent loaf.
>> No. 407982 Anonymous
9th January 2017
Monday 10:43 pm
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>>407972

I usually let my bread starter ferment for four or five days. It's about 70 percent wheat and 30 percent rye flour. I take a cup of wheat flour plus 1/3 cup of rye, plus about half a tablespoon of salt and the same amount sugar. I also add a dollop of sour cream to it, and then about a teaspoon of yeast. And then about half a glass of lukewarm water, and then I work the dough by hand until I have a smooth, almost but not quite chewing gum like texture. The first night, I leave the starter out on the kitchen counter in a plastic container with a lid loosely placed over it. I stab the dough repeatedly with a pointed knife to keep it from overflowing as it ferments. Then the second day, I move the container with the dough into the fridge. The following days, I pinch off a bit of dough now and then to check on the flavour. After four or five days, you should have a pleasantly strong flavour of yeast, lactic acid and other fermentation byproducts.

Then after the fourt or fifth day, I put just under two cups of new wheat flour into a bowl, and again add salt, sugar, sour cream and yeast. To give the crust a crunchy texture after baking, I put about five tablespoons of durum wheat flour in the bowl. Then a crack of pepper and warm water, and then I knead the new dough until it has a texture like that of the bread starter. Which I then thoroughly work into my new dough.

I then leave everything in a bowl with a tea towel over it in the kitchen for three or four hours. Then I scrape the risen dough out of the bowl with a spatula, and gently work it into a bread loaf type shape on a cutting board covered with flour. I then transfer it to a baking tray and put a tea towel over it again for about 45 minutes, and then it goes in the preheated oven at 220°C for ten minutes. Before I close the oven lid, I throw in a dash of water. The ensuing steam keeps the crust from hardening too soon. I then subsequently lower the temperature, after ten minutes to 180°C and after 20 to 25 minutes to 100°Cm, where I keep it for another five to ten minutes before removing it from the oven. A friend who is a chef gave me this tip.

Then I take the bread out of the oven and leave it for about an hour to cool off under a tea towel before I try a first slice.

This produces really tasty wheat bread. I've made some for friends and for my mum, and they all love it.
>> No. 407984 Anonymous
10th January 2017
Tuesday 10:36 am
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Fug im working and i clear your dirty toilet Mr
>> No. 408039 Anonymous
14th January 2017
Saturday 2:47 pm
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I've bought pesto, cream and parmesan because I want to replicate a sauce from an Italian I go to, but I'm not entirely sure of the exact quantities and the order to put them in. I haven't had much luck on Google. What do you reckon, lads?
>> No. 408040 Anonymous
14th January 2017
Saturday 3:30 pm
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>>408039
Ask the Italian. Failing that, get a portion to-go then mix the stuff in various small portions until you find an analogue.
>> No. 408041 Anonymous
14th January 2017
Saturday 6:57 pm
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>>407984

I feel like we are meant to have standards, and this post did not match them.
>> No. 408044 Anonymous
14th January 2017
Saturday 11:27 pm
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I work for one of the UK's biggest PR firms, currently in my office doing PR stuff in my gym clothes

Actually enjoying keeping on top of shit

Looking forward to raving on e next weekend tho, gonna be mint
>> No. 408045 Anonymous
14th January 2017
Saturday 11:43 pm
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>>408044

If you don't start putting full stops at the end of your sentences, I'm going to start keeping on top of you with Land Rover.
>> No. 408046 Anonymous
15th January 2017
Sunday 12:00 am
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>>408045
That's no way to treat a Land Rover.
>> No. 408092 Anonymous
19th January 2017
Thursday 1:35 pm
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>>407828
Так то охуенно все.
>> No. 408098 Anonymous
21st January 2017
Saturday 9:31 am
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Morning, lads.
>> No. 408099 Anonymous
21st January 2017
Saturday 10:08 am
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>>408098

Morning m8. Up to owt?
>> No. 408100 Anonymous
21st January 2017
Saturday 1:21 pm
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>>408099
It's that difficult weekend of the year when nobody has any money left. So no.
>> No. 408101 Anonymous
21st January 2017
Saturday 2:16 pm
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>>408099
Up a ladder at the minute, fitting loft ladders.
>> No. 408102 Anonymous
21st January 2017
Saturday 2:16 pm
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I ate loads of biscuits and now I feel sick.

Also my laptop's shite so I can't games released after 2010.
>> No. 408103 Anonymous
21st January 2017
Saturday 3:11 pm
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>>408102

How old is your laptop? I've got a cpu from 2009 in my PC and it still runs everything mostly fine. Good old Core i5 750.

Which really shows how computing developments have slowed over the years, if I tried using a PC from 1999 to run, say, Half Life 2 it just would not happen.

I've just finished January exams and got a 5 hour shift at work today then tomorrow off. I'll waste it all playing games probably.
>> No. 408104 Anonymous
21st January 2017
Saturday 9:52 pm
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Scored a job interview with a potential telephone interview in the pipeline just before this weekend started.

Given my track record I feel like I'm going to fuck it up. Even after studying everything about this organisation and the technical role involved I think there's going to be a moment where they'll ask me a simple question and I'd go blank. If a fail this one it's not going to help my mood for future interviews. My best interview was the first one I had after leaving uni and it's steadily gone downhill since then.
>> No. 408105 Anonymous
21st January 2017
Saturday 10:01 pm
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>>408104

Break a leg, mate. You'll do fine.
>> No. 408106 Anonymous
21st January 2017
Saturday 10:09 pm
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>>408105
Cheers but if you've ever seen me in interviews I can mess them up spectacularly. Honestly I do wonder when interviewers will understand that not everyone has rainman savant skills where they remember obscure details when a five second google search can and will suffice in certain scenarios.

I think they'll love me. I tend to agree with the lad who said job searching is like online dating in the workplace thread. As in my online dating presence is just awful and sad as a vienetta ice cream in the rain.
>> No. 408107 Anonymous
21st January 2017
Saturday 10:19 pm
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>>408103

It's only a year old. I've no idea what's in it though, I often rest my coffee on the information sticker so it's quite illegible now.
>> No. 408108 Anonymous
22nd January 2017
Sunday 12:00 am
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>>408107

a) you're supposed to remove those stickers on the palmrest
b) don't put hot liquids on your computer, it might offend a pakıstani.
>> No. 408109 Anonymous
22nd January 2017
Sunday 2:02 am
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>>408103
I'm not sure that's anything to do with hardware development, but that game development has reached somewhat of a plateau because of the huge number of manhours it takes to produce a triple A title of the required graphical detail these days. Probably also the dilution of the perception of new games being graphically intense due to the resurgence of the indie market. And maybe that developments are also post-processing focused so you can turn all the settings down to low and still run the game. Maybe I'm just talking out of my arse.
>> No. 408112 Anonymous
22nd January 2017
Sunday 2:24 am
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>>408109
For about a decade, high-games haven't really placed that much more demand on the CPU. It's the GPU that gets to do all the heavy lifting these days.
>> No. 408125 Anonymous
22nd January 2017
Sunday 10:26 am
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>>408109

Performance scalability is in large part a side-effect of cross-platform development for consoles. The Xbox One and PS4 both run AMD APUs, so they are essentially a low-end PC. If you're developing a game to run well on consoles, your game will almost inevitably run well on older PCs.

Developers have also benefited from the consolidation of game engines. Pretty much everyone uses the same handful of engines, so there have been huge economies of scale in terms of optimisation. If your team uses Crytek or Unreal Engine, you share in a huge collaborative effort to maximise performance. You don't have to reinvent the wheel, so you avoid all the common performance blunders.

Modern games will make full use of high-performance hardware, but they'll also run fairly well on older hardware if you turn off the graphical bells and whistles.
>> No. 408126 Anonymous
22nd January 2017
Sunday 10:46 am
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I'm off to see Black Sabbath tonight but I haven't got out of bed yet and could honestly just stay here all day instead.

My girlfriend's arse is pressed against me and it's giving me a right stiffy.
>> No. 408129 Anonymous
22nd January 2017
Sunday 5:54 pm
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My housemate had his high school crush visiting town. I ended up fucking her.
>> No. 408130 Anonymous
22nd January 2017
Sunday 7:36 pm
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>>408129
Do tell more.

Housemate aware of it?
>> No. 408131 Anonymous
24th January 2017
Tuesday 8:10 am
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>>408130

Yes. He is. We had a chat the next day and he hasn't tried to kill me yet.
>> No. 408184 Anonymous
28th January 2017
Saturday 4:53 pm
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Baking bread again.

This time, I am trying more of a rye bread. It's going to be a roasted onion sour cream bread with about 50 percent each of rye and wheat flour. I'm currently roasting the onions. Takes a very long time, I've had finely chopped onions in a pan on the stove with a lid over it for about 30 minutes now, and they're still nowhere near done. You pretty much have to cook them first in order to remove the harshness and bitterness of raw onion, and then you proceed to actually rosting them by turning the heat up and stirring constantly until they are golden brown.

I'll keep you lot posted on the result later tonight.
>> No. 408185 Anonymous
28th January 2017
Saturday 5:18 pm
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>>408184
Sounds like a lot of fannying about when you can just go and get some packet mix when it's reduced.
>> No. 408186 Anonymous
28th January 2017
Saturday 6:27 pm
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>>408185

You remind me of one of my mates. I told him a while ago that I really enjoy cooking things like chicken vegetable stew. I told him it takes about one and a half hours to make with all the preparations, and that it's a good five to ten quid every time to get only the best fresh ingredients for it. So he said, "Why are you doing all that? They've got chicken vegetable soup at Tesco's for 99p a tin!"
>> No. 408187 Anonymous
28th January 2017
Saturday 6:34 pm
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Lads, what's that one gay protest song called? The one with the guitar.

>>408186

How much stew are you getting out of that? Because that does sound like a fairly hefty sum, depending on the portions.

Tinned soup is almost ubiquitously crap though, I might add.
>> No. 408189 Anonymous
28th January 2017
Saturday 6:45 pm
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>>408187

I usually end up making about enough for four large bowls of soup. I will have about two bowls and then freeze the rest for later. Even frozen and thawed homemade stew tends to taste better than any of the tinned crap.

Five to ten quid may seem much, but it all adds up... I use about ten different kinds of fresh vegetables (carrot, onion, shallot, root celeriac, parsnip, potato, red bell pepper, leek, courgette, tomato, etc), plus chicken breast, vegetable stock, red wine, white wine... and then chicken seasoning, garlic, and pepper... I don't think you can manage to buy all of those ingredients for less than £5. Not even close. Even if you've already got red and white wine in your fridge.

Also, again, it's the joy of cooking a fresh tasty meal all on your own. You will get none of that from tinned chicken soup at 99p.
>> No. 408190 Anonymous
28th January 2017
Saturday 6:52 pm
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>>408187

Glad to be Gay by Tom Robinson?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLc-bh_DrKw
>> No. 408191 Anonymous
28th January 2017
Saturday 7:05 pm
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>>408189
Red and white? Does that really improve it?
>> No. 408192 Anonymous
28th January 2017
Saturday 7:10 pm
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>>408190

Oingo Boingo, friendo.

>>408189

A tenner seems a lot for four bowls of soup, but a fiver seems like a bargain, I'm torn
>> No. 408193 Anonymous
28th January 2017
Saturday 7:26 pm
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>>408191

>Red and white? Does that really improve it?

I use a bit of red wine to accentuate the more "earthy" flavours of some of the vegetables. And the white wine, I mainly use to marinade the cut up bits of chicken breast together with chicken seasoning and herbs and garlic. I then usually let the chicken marinade for three or four hours prior to making the stew. And then I sautee it just briefly for a minute, so that the meat just about turns white on the outside. And then I remove the pot from the plate and just gently put the chicken bits in the soup. That way, the chicken is cooked to the point but still juicy inside when you serve the soup.

>>408192

>A tenner seems a lot for four bowls of soup, but a fiver seems like a bargain, I'm torn

Like I said, cooking is fun for me. I personally get much more out of my £10 than just a hot meal.
>> No. 408195 Anonymous
28th January 2017
Saturday 7:44 pm
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>>408192

Oingo Boingo?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jItz-uNjoZA
>> No. 408197 Anonymous
28th January 2017
Saturday 7:53 pm
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>>408195

It's one of several slang words only I use, it means "bingo" and "everything's okay" interchangeably. I mean for people to infer from context, but usually they just stop speaking to me.
>> No. 408199 Anonymous
28th January 2017
Saturday 8:47 pm
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>>408189
Pepper in a stew? Nope.

The core things you need are onions, meat, carrots, swede, potato and shitloads of sagey dumplings.
>> No. 408200 Anonymous
28th January 2017
Saturday 8:51 pm
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>>408199

Just a very slight crack of pepper. Less than a pinch for three or four litres of stew. In that concentration, you will barely taste the spicyness of pepper at all, but it will increase blood flow to your tongue and palate and thus make you taste all the flavours more intensely.
>> No. 408201 Anonymous
29th January 2017
Sunday 1:23 am
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So there we are. Two loaves of rye and wheat sour cream onion bread.

I was expecting the crust on top to be a bit darker, but that could also be because I've got a gas oven and it only gives heat from the bottom.

The taste is spot on though. Really delicious. Distinct taste of rye, and a rich onion and sour cream flavour as well. Still warm, going to have some now with some Boursin cheese.
>> No. 408202 Anonymous
29th January 2017
Sunday 1:27 am
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>>408201

Looks undercooked or too cold an oven to me. Good try though bakerlad.
>> No. 408203 Anonymous
29th January 2017
Sunday 1:36 am
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>>408201
Nice try, but it's not a Hollywood Handshake.
>> No. 408204 Anonymous
29th January 2017
Sunday 1:38 am
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>>408202

Again, it's difficult to achieve a nice golden brown colour on top when your oven is bottom heat only. I've had this problem with other types of bread that I've tried. A friend who also likes to bake bread now and then has an electric oven, and his bread usually turns out much more intense in colour.

The inside of the bread is all done though. No complaints there.

I always start out with bread at 220 °C for ten minutes, then roughly 20 to 25 minutes at 180°C depending on the size and girth of a loaf, and then another five to ten minutes at 80°C to get the last bits of excess moisture out. This was suggested on a cooking show and it seems to work well.
>> No. 408205 Anonymous
29th January 2017
Sunday 1:42 am
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>>408203

>Hollywood Handshake

Hollywood wanker
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGuVhRH5Ci8
>> No. 408206 Anonymous
29th January 2017
Sunday 1:51 am
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>>408205
Thanks, now I've got to go to my YouTube history and remove that so they don't make the mistake of thinking I was actually interested.
>> No. 408207 Anonymous
29th January 2017
Sunday 3:13 am
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>>408206

>Thanks, now I've got to go to my YouTube history and remove that so they don't make the mistake of thinking I was actually interested.

You should get outside more and find real friends. Seriously.
>> No. 408209 Anonymous
29th January 2017
Sunday 3:20 am
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>>408207
Whatever you say, m7.
>> No. 408210 Anonymous
29th January 2017
Sunday 3:24 am
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>>408209

The French say it better lad.
>> No. 408211 Anonymous
29th January 2017
Sunday 3:30 am
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>>408210
That's why we're leaving Europe.
>> No. 408212 Anonymous
29th January 2017
Sunday 3:58 am
408212 New Day Rising
Geert.jpg
408212408212408212
I'm coming for you Frau Merkel

Hahahahahahaharrrrr
>> No. 408214 Anonymous
29th January 2017
Sunday 9:29 am
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>>408205
Oi you. Please desist from posting these videos. He is a man with a good sense of comic delivery but a lack of real belly laughs and an annoying face and accent, also moanier than most acrobatinas.
>> No. 408215 Anonymous
30th January 2017
Monday 12:58 am
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I've got a new boss at work starting this week. My old boss hass fucked off to another company.

I should have done the same some time ago. Our ship is sinking.
>> No. 408216 Anonymous
30th January 2017
Monday 1:35 am
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>>408215
Important life lesson: Don't dust off your CV. Keep it updated and ready to go at a moment's notice. You never know when you might need it. I've been through two redundancies, and both times they were sprung on short notice. If I need to get looking again on short notice, it's there ready.
>> No. 408220 Anonymous
30th January 2017
Monday 12:34 pm
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>>408216

My CV is more or less ready to be presented to other potential employers. I'd only need a couple of hours at home to iron out some niggles.

Right now, my job at this company isn't threatened... yet. They are saying they want to see how things go with my new boss that they've hired, and then take it from there. I guess what I am lamenting is the fact that our workplace morale has gone to shit. Everybody knows that we will probably be looking at job cuts in the next two or three months if things don't improve dramatically, but management keeps telling us that it might be prevented by us working harder. So we're getting it from both sides - the very real prospect of job cuts down the line, and management cracking the whip on us now.
>> No. 408227 Anonymous
30th January 2017
Monday 9:56 pm
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>>408220
Bullshit. Sounds like spin from management. Start preparing for redundancy now.
>> No. 408228 Anonymous
30th January 2017
Monday 10:07 pm
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>>408227
This. Whether or not you're likely to be on the line, it sounds like your ship is sinking.
>> No. 408236 Anonymous
30th January 2017
Monday 10:44 pm
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Sack_101.jpg4d80c193-3aca-4c57-b3ae-6e5319a7e80fOr.jpg
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>>408228
ITZ COMING
>> No. 408238 Anonymous
31st January 2017
Tuesday 8:58 am
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>>408220

ur rice:
☑ packed
☐ unpacked
>> No. 408240 Anonymous
31st January 2017
Tuesday 1:28 pm
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So the new boss is starting work tomorrow. But he's already in today and he wants to have a quick word in private with each of his eight new subordinates to get to know us and learn more about what it is that we do. One of my coworkers just came back from it, and told me the new boss seems like a "nice enough bloke". They talked for a good ten minutes. My coworker was asked how long he has worked here, how he sees the company, what his own goals are, that sort of thing.

Shouldn't be that hard to make a good impression when it's my turn.
>> No. 408241 Anonymous
31st January 2017
Tuesday 1:33 pm
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>>408240
That sounds pretty good.

A good boss versus a bad boss makes such a difference in how enjoyable a job is.
>> No. 408242 Anonymous
31st January 2017
Tuesday 1:33 pm
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>>408240
That sounds like the kind of thing a good new boss would do. Best of luck.
>> No. 408243 Anonymous
31st January 2017
Tuesday 2:33 pm
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Christ, four-day holidays do take it out of you. Been piss drunk on two of them before I realised it might be an idea to slow down.
>> No. 408244 Anonymous
31st January 2017
Tuesday 2:43 pm
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>>408243

Right you are.

You're not a teenlad anymore.

Presumably.
>> No. 408245 Anonymous
31st January 2017
Tuesday 4:07 pm
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>>408244

Nope, but I also haven't really slowed down since Christmas. The joys of working from home. Now I am going to have to drop down like a plane from cruising to landing. Meh.
>> No. 408249 Anonymous
31st January 2017
Tuesday 5:56 pm
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>>408245

I got drunk a few times over the holidays, but I pretty much haven't had a drop since New Year's. It's all part of my new year resolution to lose about a stone and a half. My biggest vice have been all those pints after work down at the pub, and pub grub along with them. I still go to the pub with my mates or my coworkers, but now all I will have is mineral water or coffee and a packet of peanuts or crisps. I want to lose my "non-dad dadbod" until this summer.
>> No. 408250 Anonymous
1st February 2017
Wednesday 12:37 pm
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>>408249

Maybe you should try to find somewhere new to hang out instead of punishing yourself with water and snacks. It's obvious you're not enjoying it because you talk as if it's something you have to put up with "until this summer".
>> No. 408251 Anonymous
1st February 2017
Wednesday 6:45 pm
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>>408250

It actually bothers me more that I've got a slight gut than it bothers me to go without booze and mediocre fatty food for some time.

I've also substituted my Full English every morning with two simple ham and cheese sandwiches. And two cups of coffee with milk but no sugar.

Blasphemy? Who's to say...
>> No. 408252 Anonymous
1st February 2017
Wednesday 7:13 pm
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>>408251

Lift weights. It's great. You can eat like a mad cunt if you're picking up heavy things regularly.
>> No. 408253 Anonymous
1st February 2017
Wednesday 8:16 pm
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>>408252

I already am. Got back into a gym habit and am now lifting weights again at the gym where I am a member. Next to slightly chavvy looking lateteenlads and earl20slads who think they have to make every groan while they're pushing up a barbell sound like a gorilla mating call.
>> No. 408261 Anonymous
2nd February 2017
Thursday 11:08 am
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>>408253

I just looked up "Gorilla mating call", on youtube, and this is what I found:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDaHPi8HOGA
>> No. 408264 Anonymous
2nd February 2017
Thursday 3:59 pm
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>>408261
How big is his cock?
>> No. 408265 Anonymous
2nd February 2017
Thursday 4:18 pm
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>>408264

If Richard Herring's to be believed Gorilla's don't have very big knobs at all.

Nice arse on him though.
>> No. 408266 Anonymous
2nd February 2017
Thursday 4:57 pm
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>>408265

Gorilla penis sizes are amongst the smallest in the animal kingdom...a fact which greatly pissed off a mate of mine who once bragged he was "hung like a gorilla"
>> No. 408267 Anonymous
2nd February 2017
Thursday 5:07 pm
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>>408265>>408266
I remember seeing one of those infographics and I can't recall the context but a gorilla's penis is 2 inches. No clue if that's flaccid or erect, never cared to seek out further information about the genitalia of animals.

I do know among mammals descended from apes we, humans have the largest knobs on average due to many many generations of large knobbed men passing on their genes because our female ancestors are size queens just like your mum. Though again I've never cared to look into any research papers that examine if penis size is passed on by each generation. I doubt there would be a good sample size that provides a convincing argument. It'll be quite difficult to convince fathers, grandfathers or sons to participate in such a survey.
>> No. 408268 Anonymous
2nd February 2017
Thursday 5:43 pm
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>>408266

I once said to a lass that I had a knob like an infant... 20 inches and eight pounds...

She didn't know whether to laugh profusely or look at me with the kind of indignation that you usually get from women when you tell rude jokes about your penis in front of them. It ended up being a mixture of both.
>> No. 408269 Anonymous
2nd February 2017
Thursday 8:20 pm
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>>408253
I think I've actually seen rules about that at my gym. I'm not a regular so I was really amazed and amused that they had to tell people not to make stupid noises when lifting.
>> No. 408272 Anonymous
2nd February 2017
Thursday 9:13 pm
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>>408269

I'd love it if we had that at my gym (I'm >>408253 lad).

But they're pretty particular about locker room discipline, which I don't mind; they've got signs in the showers that "body hair removal" is not allowed (seriously, who the fuck shaves themselves in the shower at their gym??), and that you're supposed to dry yourself off while still in the shower area. And then there's a sign next to the lockers that says the lockers are for use during your time at the gym only, and that lockers that remain locked will be opened forcefully by staff (you usually bring your own padlock, unless you want to borrow one for a £10 deposit).
>> No. 408273 Anonymous
2nd February 2017
Thursday 10:16 pm
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>>408272
Mine has signs up about not dropping weights or making animal noises when you lift them, but plenty of people ignore them and I've never seen them enforced.

I've often considered whether to use the gym showers after playing football, not sure whether anyone would care.
>> No. 408292 Anonymous
3rd February 2017
Friday 11:39 am
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>>408273

Well there's a sign next to the dumbbell rack that you are expected to kindly put your dumbbells back after using them. But usually, people just ignore it and you've got dumbbells and barbell weight plates lying around everywhere.

What isn't smart is that the dumbbell rack is situated right in front of a series of wall mirror panels. There's a large crack in one of the mirrors now because presumably somebody was a bit clumsy while removing or replacing dumbbells from the rack.
>> No. 408296 Anonymous
3rd February 2017
Friday 7:52 pm
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>>408272
>who the fuck shaves themselves in the shower at their gym??

This is why I'm a member of David Lloyd - I only shave at the gym.
>> No. 408301 Anonymous
3rd February 2017
Friday 10:16 pm
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I've just painted all the parts of a lvingroom book shelf that I am in the process of constructing. Yes, I know, I could have bought an Ikea flat pack at half the price that the wood and paint cost me, but I felt like building something from scratch. Nothing is more zen than designing a piece of furniture yourself. And you've got the smell of freshly cut pine wood. Interestingly, the paint itself hardly smells at all. It's one of those new eco friendly water based paints.
>> No. 408305 Anonymous
4th February 2017
Saturday 9:57 am
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>>408301

>Yes, I know, I could have bought an Ikea flat pack at half the price that the wood and paint cost me, but I felt like building something from scratch. Nothing is more zen than designing a piece of furniture yourself.

Seconded.
I had a plan to build my own desk by buying an oak-countertop offcut (you can get some quite big pieces pretty cheap on ebay if you can collect), but then my parents were throwing out an old laminate counter, so I got some cheap breakfast-bar legs and made it into a desk.
It was meant to be a sort of prototype/practice run for building an oak one in future, but it's absolutely solid and I'm proud of it. It cost me about £30-40 in total, including the legs and some wooden moulding and stain to cover the cut edges.>>408301
>> No. 408307 Anonymous
4th February 2017
Saturday 11:04 am
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>>408305

When I moved into this place here, I took an old counter top board from my brother's old flat and turned it into a kitchen bar counter. For legs, I simply used four by four wooden beams. I got the idea after I picked up two old bar stools at a flea market for a fiver each. I also added another piece of counter top to give the bar counter kind of an L shape.
>> No. 408384 Anonymous
10th February 2017
Friday 1:53 pm
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I'm just about back among the living with my cold now, having spent the last few days since Monday in and out of bed.

And already, I am being pestered with work e-mails again. Apparently, there were intranet server problems at work this week, and one of my coworkers e-mailed me that he can't find a couple of folders on our file server that I created last week. So he has asked me if I am in any way well enough to maybe come in for half an hour today and help him locate the folders. I told him it'll have to wait until next week because I am (truthfully) really still too weak to spend an hour or two out of the house, let alone concerned with work stuff.

We should start opening up our intranet to remote access from home. Other companies do. But our IT guys are a bit paranoid in that respect. We also don't use cloud services, all our data is physically stored on a dedicated intranet server at the office.
>> No. 408385 Anonymous
10th February 2017
Friday 3:24 pm
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A new low, lads. I suddenly got the horn, massively so, so I locked myself in the bogs at work and bashed one out.
>> No. 408386 Anonymous
10th February 2017
Friday 3:44 pm
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>>408384
Suggest some 2-factor solution lad for VPN access.
>> No. 408387 Anonymous
10th February 2017
Friday 4:48 pm
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>>408384

> We also don't use cloud services, all our data is physically stored on a dedicated intranet server at the office.

A good idea, but I hope you have remote backups at least.

>>408386

Seconding this.
>> No. 408389 Anonymous
10th February 2017
Friday 5:07 pm
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>>408387

If I understood our IT correctly, there is somehow a second physical hard drive on the server rack to which content is periodically mirrored. Apparently, this takes place at times when there is low server load.

We've already suggested to the IT department different ways of enabling remote access, but they keep saying "oh, you can't do that because of this and that". You can't fault them for their high security standards, I've witnessed much more lax - and sometimes outright dangerous - practices at other employers, but it kind of slows down workflow at times.
>> No. 408390 Anonymous
10th February 2017
Friday 5:46 pm
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>>408389
>We've already suggested to the IT department different ways of enabling remote access, but they keep saying "oh, you can't do that because of this and that". You can't fault them for their high security standards, I've witnessed much more lax - and sometimes outright dangerous - practices at other employers, but it kind of slows down workflow at times.

There are only two real answers as to why they can't do it. A) they can't be bothered. B) They don't know how. And B) shouldn't count because any IT professional should have enough foundation knowledge to be able to teach themselves.
>> No. 408391 Anonymous
10th February 2017
Friday 5:50 pm
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>>408389

Sorry to be a bore, but two RAID-mirrored hard drives sitting right next to eac other don't help in disaster recovery (fire, theft, flood, sabotage, random acts of god). You should be doing proper remote backups to encrypted storage somewhere a good few miles away from where you are.
>> No. 408392 Anonymous
10th February 2017
Friday 6:01 pm
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>>408390
A) is a perfectly acceptable justification for not building in extra complication that doesn't reach the "MoS" in MoSCoW.

B) only doesn't count if resources are not a constraint.
>> No. 408393 Anonymous
10th February 2017
Friday 8:38 pm
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>>408391
I'll bet they haven't even tried pulling one or t'other drive out and rebuilding. If you haven't tested it, it's doesn't work.
>> No. 408394 Anonymous
11th February 2017
Saturday 11:41 am
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Mesh networking, oh god, I love mesh networking. Up to 45Mb/s now. Fuck yes. Community interwebz rock.
>> No. 408395 Anonymous
11th February 2017
Saturday 1:11 pm
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>>408394
It really does, I've got it all at work - I was thinking of buying a whole Ubiquiti setup for the house.
>> No. 408397 Anonymous
11th February 2017
Saturday 3:07 pm
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>>408393
Quite. Reminds me of https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GCK53YDcBWQveod9kfzW-VCxIABGiryG7_z_6jHdVik/pub

>So in other words, out of 5 backup/replication techniques deployed none are working reliably or set up in the first place. => we're now restoring a backup from 6 hours ago that worked

... and it was only by luck that someone thought to manually back the database up 6 hours before the outage.

>>408391
Also RAID won't help you keep your 5 9's reliability if the whole system crashes. For that you need HA redundancy at the server/VM instance level, with live replication and failover mechanisms.
>> No. 408398 Anonymous
11th February 2017
Saturday 3:14 pm
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>>408397
>±4979 (so ±5000) comments lost

I particularly like how this makes it sound like the engineers aren't sure if they lost or gained ~5000 comments during the outage...
>> No. 408401 Anonymous
11th February 2017
Saturday 3:53 pm
408401 spacer
I booked for Autoglass to come between 12 and 4 today. I received an automatic text just before 8 to say the technician would text when he's on his way, but I've heard absolutely nothing yet.
>> No. 408402 Anonymous
11th February 2017
Saturday 4:33 pm
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>>408401
AUTOGLASS REPAIR, AUTOGLASS REPLACE
>> No. 408403 Anonymous
11th February 2017
Saturday 5:12 pm
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>>408402
My mum always sings it as 'AUTOGLASS REPAIR, AUTOGLASS REPLACEMENT'. It used to drive me up the fucking wall.

A hairline crack turned into a great big fuck-off smile while he tried repairing the chip, which means I'll need a new windscreen and will have to also spend tomorrow waiting in for them to turn up. It's about three times the insurance excess and the same thing happened when I had Autoglass try and repair a chip about three years ago.
>> No. 408404 Anonymous
11th February 2017
Saturday 5:17 pm
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>>408395

Heh, it has taken us a week to sort out a community of 16,000 people. God I love this shit.
>> No. 408405 Anonymous
11th February 2017
Saturday 5:26 pm
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>>408403
Is that not still covered by the insurance in the same way?
>> No. 408407 Anonymous
11th February 2017
Saturday 6:58 pm
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>>408405
Apparently the excess is three times more for a windscreen replacement than it is for a repair.

I decided to do a bit of overtime last weekend as it was on double pay, but it looks like most of that has been eaten up by having to spend on my car. Both of my headlights went in the past week and I also blew the motor in my rear wiper because I'd underestimated how frosty it was.
>> No. 408408 Anonymous
11th February 2017
Saturday 7:35 pm
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>>408407
>Apparently the excess is three times more for a windscreen replacement than it is for a repair.
Does the fact that it was caused by the chap who came to do the repair in the first place not make a difference?
>> No. 408409 Anonymous
11th February 2017
Saturday 8:02 pm
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>>408408
They haven't charged me for it, at least not yet, but I think it was unavoidable as there were small cracks already there from where the stone hit.
>> No. 408421 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 12:32 am
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Starting a new job after this weekend is over. Really need this to go well so I can move out my parent's house once I finish my probationary period.

My dad is convinced I'll be able to buy a flat rather than rent in 6 months time. I don't think he knows...
>> No. 408422 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 1:48 am
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>>408421

>I don't think he knows...

My arse is more accommodating than Standege tunnel.
>> No. 408423 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 1:52 am
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>>408422

Slut.
>> No. 408424 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 10:04 am
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I saw a pigeon and two magpies this morning. It's nice to see something normal for a change, I'm a bit sick of these noisy swarms of parakeets.
>> No. 408425 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 10:11 am
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>>408424
I haven't seen many spiders this winter. Where have they all fucked off to?
>> No. 408426 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 11:26 am
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>>408425
They fly south for the Winter.
>> No. 408427 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 11:59 am
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I've just had to knock on my neighbour's door. Other people's houses smell funny.
>> No. 408428 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 1:25 pm
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>>408427

Actually I always find this fascinating.
>> No. 408430 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 1:32 pm
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>>408428
Me too - I'd love to smell my own house for the first time (actually I probably wouldn't but ykwim).
>> No. 408431 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 3:11 pm
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Clean shaved my beard off for the first time in years

I rediscovered I have no chin even after losing weight. I look like a right knob. The things I do to adhere to a dress code.
>> No. 408432 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 3:33 pm
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I'm just having my annual throat infection, so I've just been organising my books and reading.
>> No. 408433 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 7:02 pm
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I just went for a run for the first time in a week, then had a nice cheese burger. I'm so relaxed, if I didn't know better I'd say I had Lyme Disease.
>> No. 408434 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 7:53 pm
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The Countryfile weatherman looks like he's having a mid-life crisis. Doing the weather forecast in jeans, too many buttons undone near the collar, the cuffs on his sleeves rolled back, etc.
>> No. 408435 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 7:57 pm
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>>408434
You'd be the same if you were doing the weather on Countryfile.
>> No. 408436 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 7:58 pm
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And now I can see John Craven's nipples through the Guernsey jumper he's wearing.
>> No. 408437 Anonymous
12th February 2017
Sunday 8:41 pm
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>>408436
That's it now, lad. You'll see them everywhere you look. You can be laying there in your bed, staring up at the ceiling, and right there staring back at you will be John Craven's tits.
>> No. 408552 Anonymous
17th February 2017
Friday 9:25 pm
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>>408436
You'll have to write him a letter. It's the only way you'll ever get closure.
>> No. 408554 Anonymous
17th February 2017
Friday 10:39 pm
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I've just come back from a few pints down at the pub with a good friend whose divorce just got finalised today. He needed someboy to celebrate the fact that ten years wasted with what he thinks is the most obnoxious person on the planet were now formally put to an end. So he invited his brother and me to have a few pints together.

I just hope I won't say one day that the person I will someday marry was ten years of my life wasted. It's a sad thing to even think about. I'm single at the moment, but surely there will come the day when I will have to decide if I want to spend the rest of my life with a certain person. Or at least promise that to them, with no guarantee that I won't come to hate that person's guts a few years down the line.
>> No. 408555 Anonymous
17th February 2017
Friday 10:57 pm
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>>408554
>He needed someboy to celebrate
What a nonce.
>> No. 408556 Anonymous
17th February 2017
Friday 11:06 pm
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>>408554
10 years is a long time - I'm not sure you can stay that long if they're truly "obnoxious" but at the same time, I can imagine how painful divorce is and the tendency to dissemble very strong.
>> No. 408558 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 12:28 am
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>>408556
Are you saying AWALT?
>> No. 408559 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 2:22 am
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>>408554

A friend of mine is getting divorced. She's talked quite a bit to me about it, but basically in the course of two weeks she went from - distraught her marriage was falling apart (her words) to unsure if she should break it off or try some more, to leaving him and being sad about it, which honestly seemed to last about three days. Now she seems happier than ever and talks about leaving her husband as if it happened years ago, not days.

I honestly don't know what to think. I don't really know the guy, but I can't help imagining him distraught at home while she's off out having the time of her life. I wonder if he saw it coming. I wonder if he's happy and relieved like she is. I hope so, but I doubt it.
>> No. 408562 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 2:36 am
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>>407828
I want to die
>> No. 408569 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 1:13 pm
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Had seven bags of shopping delivered today but they only charged me for five plastic bags. #winning
>> No. 408570 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 1:32 pm
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>>408569
With mine, they usually just guess how many they've taken off me. I'll hand over five or six, and the driver will just say there's eight or ten there. Once the driver clearly double tapped and didn't care, since I gave him 6 and I got rebated for 66.
>> No. 408571 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 1:33 pm
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>>408559

>distraught her marriage was falling apart (her words) to unsure if she should break it off or try some more, to leaving him and being sad about it, which honestly seemed to last about three days. Now she seems happier than ever and talks about leaving her husband as if it happened years ago, not days.


Seems a bit like the five stages of death right there.
>> No. 408572 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 1:46 pm
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My knob proper smells of my girlfriend's fanny. We're not doing it that often, about three or four times in the past fortnight, but when I go for a piss I get a clear whiff of her minge.
>> No. 408573 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 1:50 pm
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>>408572

She may require medical attention.
>> No. 408574 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 1:56 pm
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>>408573
I think it's because she's fat. There was a period last year where she was right yeasty and the entire bathroom would funk after she'd been to the toilet.
>> No. 408575 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 2:07 pm
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>>408574

So do you have to roll her in flour to find the wet spot?


>>408573

>She may require medical attention.

not necessarily. Substandard personal hygiene can leave a lass smelling like a decomposing squid even if she's otherwise in good health.

Nastiest thing I've ever done was go down on my then girlfriend at Glastonbury. We were camping there in my brother's old VW Passat Estate, which meant we had an acceptable amount of privacy to get sexual at night. Well, after two days and nights without even the most basic personal hygiene, and after half a bottle of wine, she said she'd really love it if I went down on her. I was drunk enough to also think that would be a good idea. I otherwise really liked the taste of her minge, when it was freshly washed, but after two, almost three days of not showering, it was really pretty nasty. Just like a tin of tuna that's been open in your fridge for over a week. I tried to wash the taste down with a bit of beer before I went to sleep, but then the next morning I still had that fishy unwashed taste in my mouth, to the point that even my girlfriend said, "Eww... I'm sorry I made you do that last night!"
>> No. 408576 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 2:24 pm
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>>408575
Haven't you posted that exact story before?
>> No. 408577 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 4:03 pm
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>>408576

I think last time they were camping in the Scottish highlands.
>> No. 408578 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 5:45 pm
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>>408577
Maybe its true, they travel a lot and his girlfriend has a really stinky clopper.
>> No. 408579 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 6:32 pm
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>>408575
>> No. 408580 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 6:33 pm
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Jeez, this site got fucking brutal.
>> No. 408582 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 8:05 pm
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Thinking about going on holiday this spring. One of my new coworkers told me that she goes to Fuerteventura with her husband every now and then, and that the Canary Islands are beautiful in spring.

I could probably afford a week in a four-star hotel, but I'm not quite sure yet if I want to go on my own. I'd love a holiday, it's been almost two years since I went somewhere. But I can't think of anybody who would go with me. Seems like kind of a boring thing to do, travelling on your own.
>> No. 408583 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 9:10 pm
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>>408582
I did it in my early 20s when I got fed up with trying to organize a holiday with other people and while it worked for me I think you're going about this the wrong way. What do you think you will do once you arrive? And for a whole week in a place that mostly gets family holidays?

I did city breaks in hostels where as soon as I arrived I started drinking to meet people. The other time was spent checking out the museums, nobbing prostitutes and doing drugs. If that doesn't sound like your cup of tea you should just try spending a week at home binge watching tv shows - maybe book your holiday in the summer so you can tan in the garden.
>> No. 408584 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 9:23 pm
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>>408583

Don't get me wrong, I tend to be a sociable kind of guy; but in my experience, either from holidaying with a girlfriend or my mates, people who were travelling alone always kind of seemed like weirdos to me or us. Did they appear weird because they were travelling by themselves? Or were they travelling by themselves because they were indeed weird?

I've read a few travel tips about the Canary Islands tonight. What I inferred is that Fuerteventura may not be the best place to go on your own because besides stunning beaches, it doesn't really offer much else. Apparently, Gran Canaria has loads more to do and see for somebody like me, and Las Palmas with a population of 380,000 is a vibrant modern city with all the amenities.

Can any of you otherlads confirm this?
>> No. 408585 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 11:04 pm
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I took the missus to see Bianca del Rio at the Troxy in greater London tonight. It's been great; don't turn your nose up at a drag act, they're hilarious.
>> No. 408586 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 11:07 pm
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>>408584
This. You'd be better off going to the Azores if you want to go somewhere alone if you're after that sort of thing.
>> No. 408587 Anonymous
18th February 2017
Saturday 11:57 pm
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>>408584
>Did they appear weird because they were travelling by themselves? Or were they travelling by themselves because they were indeed weird?

A little from column A and a little from column B. Its exactly like when you wander off in club and start talking to strangers, some people are a bit weird about it but then they tend to be the sort who feel the need to put on an act.

Obviously smoking makes these things allot easier.
>> No. 408591 Anonymous
19th February 2017
Sunday 8:36 am
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>>408587

I dunno. I've had a cracking 15 years of traveling by myself, and everyone I meet in hostels is either by themselves or traveling with one other person. Anyone who thinks this is odd is probably a boring piece of shite, IMHO. This is how you backpack. It gives you flexibility, and you form ad-hoc groups in different location. Perfectly normal.

It has the added benefit that rather than sticking with your mates you actually meet people from different places, and get invited out to visit. And get laid.
>> No. 408592 Anonymous
19th February 2017
Sunday 12:07 pm
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>>408591

I had the misfortune of witnessing two American backpackers on a train last summer. They were pretty rough and sweaty looking and they were really quite smelly, and they felt like it was a good idea at some point to take off their shoes and let the stink of their trainers-clad feet waft through the carriage. They were occupying a whole booth of seats with their various belongings, and they were talking to each other loudly about their philosophical takes on British people (not rude at all, with so many people having to listen to their drivel). And then one of them got out his phone and started talking, no, screaming to what must have been a friend back home in America about the fact that they had spent a week in London and were now on their way down to Cornwall.

Just an all-around unpleasant experience. But in true British fashion, most of the onlookers on the train were just quietly rolling their eyes and sighing annoyedly. If they could muster a reaction at all.
>> No. 408596 Anonymous
19th February 2017
Sunday 2:49 pm
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>>408592

>>408591

These would be an example of people I would refer to as cunts. I have been in fucking warzones and can still occasionally have a wash. Taking my shoes boots of in a public place is not on.
>> No. 408603 Anonymous
19th February 2017
Sunday 8:02 pm
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I've got terrible ball ache in my right testicle (I'm >>399815). I don't know if I'm going to have infrequent tender/aching bollocks for the rest of my life or not, I think this is one of the potential side-effects.
>> No. 408605 Anonymous
19th February 2017
Sunday 8:33 pm
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>>408603

That's your manhood bemoaning that it is no longer.

self-sage for shitposting
>> No. 408607 Anonymous
19th February 2017
Sunday 9:01 pm
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>>408596

> I have been in fucking warzones and can still occasionally have a wash. Taking my shoes boots of in a public place is not on.

In my personal opinion, Americans on holiday are among the rudest and most ignorant people you can meet. Forget about Brits getting pissed off their tits in Magaluf. That's unfortunate and can paint an ugly picture of us as a country, but nobody holds a candle to the kind of air of perceived superiority that many Americans have.

I was in Punta Cana once, and while you had a wide variety of nationalities among hotel guests, it was always Americans who stuck out like a sore thumb in the kind of exuberant condescension with which they treated waiters and other hotel staff. Let alone the cultural ignorance of the typical overweight Midwestern housewife who for whatever reason ended up in a foreign tropical country and was out of her depth even realising that hotel guests from other countries might have different cultures. One such woman complained to pool staff with an immense sense of entitlement about some Italian women who were sunbathing topless alongside the hotel pool. I distinctly heard her complaining that she couldn't use the pool with her ten-year-old son, and all because some Italian lasses were doing what they do on their neighbourhood beach back home in Italy every other day. Another conversation I overheard was two American college lads who had a waiter get drinks for two topless women who were 50 feet away down by the pool. They were assuming that them being topless was a sure sign if there ever was one that they would be up for a quick shag with just about anybody.

In summary, avoid Americans on holiday. They're a fish out of water in the worst kind of way as soon as they venture one step outside their own country.
>> No. 408608 Anonymous
19th February 2017
Sunday 9:01 pm
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>>408603
>I think this is one of the potential side-effects.

Fuck that shit. Are you stuck with it forever now?
>> No. 408609 Anonymous
20th February 2017
Monday 6:36 am
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>>408608
I guess so. This is the first time it has ached in months, but the aching was dreadful yesterday evening.

Had a quick look in the weekend thread my vasectomy post was from - around this time last year we had that lad who kept updating us on the driveways he'd been laying.
>> No. 408621 Anonymous
21st February 2017
Tuesday 8:44 am
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>>408603

Do not worry, I had the snip too and it hurt like a motherfucker for some weeks. After that, it never bothered me again. Best choice I ever made.
>> No. 408622 Anonymous
21st February 2017
Tuesday 9:03 am
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>>408621
His was a year ago, if you read the thread.
>> No. 408623 Anonymous
21st February 2017
Tuesday 9:21 am
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>>408622

oops
>> No. 408671 Anonymous
25th February 2017
Saturday 7:19 pm
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I've had intermittent stinging pains around my left kidney all day.

I've got no history of kidney complaints.

Should I be worried?
>> No. 408672 Anonymous
25th February 2017
Saturday 7:34 pm
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>>408671

It's probably muscular, but if you start getting stinging pains when you go for a pee or if the pain's worrying you in general, go and see the quack.
>> No. 408674 Anonymous
25th February 2017
Saturday 7:48 pm
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>>408671

How do you know it's you'r kidney?

I reckon it's either terminal cancer, a stone or pregnancy.
>> No. 408675 Anonymous
25th February 2017
Saturday 8:10 pm
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>>408674
>I reckon it's either terminal cancer
Yaay! Finally, I can die without having to kill myself!
>> No. 408676 Anonymous
25th February 2017
Saturday 8:29 pm
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>>408674

>a stone

I thought that only happens if you don't drink enough?


Funny anecdote - we had a teacher in secondary school who was actually called Mr Kidney. And every so often, he had to take a leave of absence due to kidney stones. I guess it sort of ran in his family, and also, he was a slightly older fellow, and age apparently doesn't make that condition any better for you. He was also our biology teacher, so as you can imagine, we talked about kidneys at great length in his class. He died a few years ago. But not of kidney problems.
>> No. 408678 Anonymous
25th February 2017
Saturday 8:54 pm
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>>408675

>Yaay! Finally, I can die without having to kill myself!

The eyes lad. Sartre had them. Windows to the soul.
>> No. 408679 Anonymous
25th February 2017
Saturday 9:04 pm
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>>408678
Looks like a cross between Marty Feldman and Steve Buscemi.
>> No. 408680 Anonymous
25th February 2017
Saturday 9:08 pm
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>>408679

"One eye at t'chippy and one eye coming back wi' t'change."
>> No. 408682 Anonymous
25th February 2017
Saturday 9:33 pm
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>>408678
Could he see more than normal eyed people?
>> No. 408684 Anonymous
25th February 2017
Saturday 10:26 pm
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>>408682

His eyes pointing in different directions, a bit like a chameleon.
Since Sartre has snuffed it, we could ask a chameleon...
>> No. 408685 Anonymous
25th February 2017
Saturday 11:46 pm
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>>408684

PBUH
>> No. 408686 Anonymous
25th February 2017
Saturday 11:48 pm
408686 spacer
>>408684


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmcA9LIIXWw
>> No. 408687 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 12:08 am
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>>408684
Those eyes look like they are just holes. Do they lead to the lizard's brain?
>> No. 408688 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 12:34 am
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>>408686
>> No. 408690 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 1:08 am
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I had spicy mushroom ramen again tonight from the Asian take away place here where I live.

Fucking delicious. But it also produces farts a few hours later that are so nasty and foul smelling that they should fall under the Geneva Convention.

It's basically a helping of stir fried ramen noodles with generous amounts of shiitake and Jew's ear mushrooms, red bell pepper and onion, all in a savoury chili and garlic sauce.
>> No. 408691 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 7:39 am
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>>408690
What's it like, living in a takeaway place?
>> No. 408692 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 8:52 am
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This whole weekend has been ruined by a cold and I know its going to be one of those that lasts for a good 2 weeks. Anyone who has had it recently able to tell me the cure for this one?

My plan is to stuff my face with garlic today seeing as how yesterdays chocolate binge didn't work.
>> No. 408693 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 10:51 am
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>>408692

Suffer, my friend, suffer. I have had fucking three of the bastards over the past three months.
>> No. 408694 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 11:00 am
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>>408692

Disclaimer: We've likely had different viruses, we have different bodies and environments, 'I'm not a doctor, but...', etc.

My advice to people with colds or common infections is always the same: take control of stressors as much as possible. In my opinion, vitamin supplements are for general health and won't have much of an effect after the fact, herbal remedies and home cures can alleviate some symptoms and are a nice distraction, and medications can be a good glass-breaking emergency measure if you really need an analgesic or a bit of pain relief, but these things are the 5% on top of the 95% of what you should really be concerned with.

The reason I say this is that I think we tend to underestimate the effect that our hormonal state has on our health and wellbeing. Any feeling of frustration or urgency will cause stress, which will release cortisol and basically inhibit your immune system from functioning. There's a tonne of literature out there on cortisol and the immune system if you're interested.

People who are very frequently stressed are in a semi-permanent state of compromised immune function. This is anecdotal, but this is something I see evidence of everywhere. Friends, colleagues and family members who seem to take weeks to recover from a cold and so on. People who don't take time away from work rarely recover fully or properly; in their state combined with just getting over one infection, they'll pick up another variant or have a second bout.

Basically: get in quality sleep, avoid alcohol and caffeine, stay off work, and do everything within your power to minimise stress.

There's another interesting point that will only apply to the /fat/lads. Though recreational exercise obviously counts as a form of stress, the hormonal response is quite different, therefore the above doesn't quite apply. If you're a fit person, there's some quite interesting research out there suggesting that moderate to high intensity exercise with adequate rest periods can be beneficial. The entire idea is that the net effect of the exercise reduces cortisol:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7558530
>> No. 408695 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 11:35 am
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>>408694
> avoid [...] caffeine

Interestingly the Sudafed I picked up contains caffeine. Have I uncovered a conspiracy?
>> No. 408696 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 11:45 am
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>>408695
Paracetamol taken with caffeine has been proven to work much better than paracetamol alone.

Sudafed is essentially a medication that lets you keep on working through a cold or flu, rather than something that's going to help you get over it any faster.
>> No. 408697 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 11:53 am
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>>408695

I think it's more appropriate to say avoid coffee. Because coffee affects your digestive system and can put stress on it when you're already struggling to fight the flu germs.

But crystalline caffeine shouldn't be a problem. In cold and flu medications, it is generally used to offset the effect of certain active ingredients that can cause drowsiness.


>>408692

>My plan is to stuff my face with garlic today seeing as how yesterdays chocolate binge didn't work.

Have your local shaman mix you a potion with dried gourd and powderised elk hooves.
>> No. 408698 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 11:54 am
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Went for drinks with a nice girl off Tinder on Friday night. It was apparently her first time meeting someone from a dating app. We ended up going back to her place and having drunken/stoned sex, something I only thought happened for 'normal' people.

Had a cosy Saturday morning with her where we both said we'd like to see each other again. I quite like her, but she has borderline personality disorder, so I don't know if this was just a fleeting one night stand for her, or if she actually wants more. I don't really know what to expect.

I saw her distance had changed on Tinder since which I guess means she's still looking to meet other people. I sent her a text this morning but she hasn't responded. Oh well.

Sage for sounding like a clingy teenlad.
>> No. 408699 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 11:54 am
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>>408696

Exactly this. And I would argue that trying to work through sickness is a bad idea.
>> No. 408700 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 11:56 am
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>>408698

Just be glad it happened and move on, I know it's shite but you need to protect yourself.
>> No. 408701 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 12:14 pm
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I like to have a cheeky port or sherry when I have a cold.
>> No. 408702 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 12:20 pm
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>>408698

>I quite like her, but she has borderline personality disorder


Walk away.

No, seriously. Unless you're somebody with a very strong personality yourself, being with a borderline partner or even just having a fling with them can turn into one gigantic mind fuck. I've been there, and it just completely did my head in.

Sex with somebody with borderline personality disorder tends to be amazing. Best sex I ever had. We did things together that are still the most prized memories in my spank bank ten years later. But it comes at a price... when you realise that that person is just a fucking mental head case.
>> No. 408705 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 9:51 pm
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>>408702

>Walk away.

I can't agree with you there.

Run. Don't collect your personal belongings, don't look back, don't return to the scene. Run as fast as your legs will carry you and don't stop running until the road signs are in another language.

Girls with BPD are basically satan with self-harm scars.
>> No. 408706 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 10:04 pm
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>>408702>>408705

Every time some Anon here finds a attractive, crazy, girl, two or three other lads show up and immediately tell him it's a terrible idea and he shouldn't go near her. Before immediately telling him that the crazy women they've been with were the best sex they ever had and they can't stop thinking about it. You fella's have really got to get your messaging straight, because you're confusing a lot of people.

I'm just going to tell you to marry her, lad, just to dissent.
>> No. 408707 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 11:19 pm
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>>408706

>You fella's have really got to get your messaging straight, because you're confusing a lot of people.

I don't think my message from >>408702 was that confusing at all.

I expressly said that borderline lasses are fucking mental head cases, and that you should only aspire to dating one if you have a very strong and resilient personality yourself.

Yes, the sex was amazing. But again, be prepared to pay a price.

My borderline lass was also taking morphine due to a car accident a few years earlier that had left her with one smashed vertebra. It thankfully didn't affect motor function, but It meant that sex without the morphine could occasionally be painful from the rhythmic thrusting. So when we were doing it, she was quite often high as a kite both from her neuroleptics and her morphine. It also tended to increase her sexual appetite even further.

If you want to have amazing sex involving kinky shit beyond your wildest dreams, go find somebody like that. Just know that you are making a pact with the devil.
>> No. 408708 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 11:28 pm
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>>408702

Seems a bit harsh. She's a good person - a nurse who also spends a lot of her time volunteering. Doesn't she deserve someone to be there for her or should everyone walk away? From the reading I've done, abandonment seems to be a big issue for those with BPD.

Not that it matters to me, I'm convinced she's not interested in anything further with myself.

The sex wasn't spectacular anyway, or maybe that's because I'm quite mediocre at it/don't really enjoy it anyway.
>> No. 408709 Anonymous
26th February 2017
Sunday 11:35 pm
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>>408708

Nobody said a person with BPD can't have endearing qualities or is less of a human being than somebody without all those daemons. That's a whole different facet of their personality, which can have little to do with how they are as a romantic and/or sexual partner.

"My" borderline lass could be a very sweet person, and was well liked and had a big enough circle of friends. Dealing with people on that kind of basis was seldomly a problem for her, to the point that my mum commented repeatedly that I was bringing home "such a lovely girl for once".

But actually being her romantic partner, if just for a few weeks, was an entirely different story.
>> No. 408710 Anonymous
27th February 2017
Monday 2:33 am
408710 The Moar You Know
>>408695
Sudafedlad: you should know phenylephrine does not work. It's a bullshit no-better-than-placebo substitute for the real stuff, pseudoephedrine, which is only available over-the-counter in limited quantities because it can be used to make methamphetamine. Chuck the fake meds and ask your pharmacist for the good shit.
>> No. 408711 Anonymous
27th February 2017
Monday 7:10 am
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>>408708
>She's a good person - a nurse who also spends a lot of her time volunteering.

Lad its a dating app.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCLizTg9nWo

I can confirm though that putting your dick in a crazy is a wonderful. You shouldn't of course but you're young so fucking up your life for an orgasm is what you do.
>> No. 408713 Anonymous
27th February 2017
Monday 11:31 am
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>>408711

>Lad its a dating app.

You mean people lie on tha intarwebz?

How can they do that??


>I can confirm though that putting your dick in a crazy is a wonderful.

So now our little micro survey stands at two to one. Two accounts of great sex with a nutter, one of mediocre sex.

Keep 'em coming.
>> No. 408716 Anonymous
27th February 2017
Monday 2:25 pm
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>>408713

I've been having a right laugh at these last few posts because I've slept with a fair few mental lasses but they make me remember one in particular. Kinkiest most drugs-depraved sex I've ever had; there are things that girl let me do to her that are quite literally illegal under Grand Moff May's new regime. I honestly think that she would have let me chop her head off and fuck her neck hole if I'd only suggested it. Other than that though she was completely deranged, and the drugs didn't help much. Wild random mood swings, eight hour crying fits, enough fantastical guilt trips to fill a lifetime of summer holidays, and more self harm scars than two dozen emos.
>> No. 408719 Anonymous
27th February 2017
Monday 4:04 pm
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>>408716

You're really painting a picture there.

My mental lass (the one who was taking morphine for her car accident injury) told me now and then that she had about enough morphine tablets in her night stand to kill herself if it all got too much. She didn't normally use that as a threat when we had an argument, but it always felt like that was hanging over us. The possibility that she might actually take her own life.

A few weeks after we broke up, one of her friends actually told me that she did try to kill herself a few years earlier; apparently, she was going to jump off a railway bridge onto a dual carriageway with heavy traffic 80 feet below, but was spotted by police at the last minute. Somehow, she never told me that, but in a way, maybe that was for the better.

Maybe that should have been a consideration when doctors prescribed her all those morphine tablets to take home following the car crash. I seem to remember that they have to ask you those things when you are given any kind of medication that is quite capable of killing you. But oh well.
>> No. 408720 Anonymous
27th February 2017
Monday 7:57 pm
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>>408716>>408719
I used to go out with mad birds when I was younger. Got to about 30 and decided to give them a swerve - best thing I ever did. Normal women are much more fun to be around.
>> No. 408723 Anonymous
27th February 2017
Monday 8:51 pm
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>>408720

>Normal women are much more fun to be around.


I've found that single women over 30 are by and large anything but normal.

Sheer desperation often gets the better of them with every additional year that passes. And that usually doesn't simply mean they're an easy shag.
>> No. 408724 Anonymous
27th February 2017
Monday 9:48 pm
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>>408711

I dunno, I saw her nurse's uniform hanging up in her room. Unless it's just a prop for the kinky BPD sex we've heard so much about...
>> No. 408840 Anonymous
3rd March 2017
Friday 11:22 pm
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Nothing bad has happened today, in fact it's been a pretty good week. However, something deep inside me just feels sick with misery.
>> No. 408845 Anonymous
4th March 2017
Saturday 12:35 am
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Had a first date and it went fairly well. Kissed the girl, ate some pizza, probably have a second date set up already.

I should really stop complaining about Tinder I do fairly well off it all things considered.
>> No. 408867 Anonymous
4th March 2017
Saturday 2:12 pm
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Was going to get my hair cut today because I have no time during the week due to work. Barbers is closed even though they only close on Sundays. The nearest barbers after that one is a 20 minute train journey. I do dislike being in a suburb type village where there's nothing but one barbers, an assortment of shitty takeaways and a single newsagents.
>> No. 408868 Anonymous
4th March 2017
Saturday 2:17 pm
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>>408867
It could be worse. You could be without the shitty takeaways. Seriously, I'm in a suburb but somehow the nearest chippy is in another county.
>> No. 408869 Anonymous
4th March 2017
Saturday 2:40 pm
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>>408868
Just eat and the like have made takeaways a lot better. The fact I can pay on card and not leave the house is nice.

Considering the nearest cash machine is a 20 minute walk too. At that point it's easier to cook.
>> No. 408870 Anonymous
4th March 2017
Saturday 5:13 pm
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Locked myself out the house. Whole load of other shit ensued. Might get far worse and have the police involved.

4 hours later, I'm back in.


What a fucking day.
>> No. 408871 Anonymous
4th March 2017
Saturday 6:44 pm
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I was witness to some absolute Bridezillas moments today.

One of my mates is getting married this spring and I am his best man. I will also be their chauffeur. We sat together today to talk about a few details of the big day. So far, so ordinary. But enter the bride to be, and today turned into a complete clusterfuck, with her getting all emotional at even the smallest of things that haven't been taken care of or were not to her satisfaction. "Carnations as flower arrangements? (said with a tone of shocked disbelief) This isn't a fucking funeral!! How can you think carnations will be a good idea??".

There are legitimate concerns, and there's psychotic. I feel deeply sorry for my mate. You could not pay me enough to get married to a lass like his fiancé. And it makes me question the concept of marriage all in itself. Either way, he is getting married to somebody who is more and more turning out to be the most self-centered insufferable git person on the entire planet. I almost want to scream at him in slow motion "Ruuuuuuuuunnnn!!!", like in some cheesy action movie.
>> No. 408872 Anonymous
4th March 2017
Saturday 6:52 pm
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>>408871

I don't even know what a carnation looks like.
>> No. 408873 Anonymous
4th March 2017
Saturday 7:20 pm
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>>408872
>> No. 408874 Anonymous
4th March 2017
Saturday 7:21 pm
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>>408872
It is a very beautiful flower. My favourite alongside sunflowers and daisies.
>> No. 408876 Anonymous
4th March 2017
Saturday 8:08 pm
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>>408872

Look on t'carnation tin, lad. There are illustrated carnations on there.
>> No. 408880 Anonymous
4th March 2017
Saturday 11:06 pm
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>>408876

I was a lonely teenage broncin' buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died

>> No. 408881 Anonymous
4th March 2017
Saturday 11:33 pm
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There's some sort of chain of charity shops called "Geranium shops for the blind" which seems odd to me I mean how many geraniums do they need?
>> No. 408882 Anonymous
4th March 2017
Saturday 11:49 pm
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>>408881

A while ago, I found myself wondering, what's the point of going on holiday if you're blind. The Costa Del Sol might smell and sound different from Brixton, but still...

I also imagine that being on a plane as a blind person is many times more terrifying than for somebody who has eyesight.
>> No. 408883 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 12:06 am
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>>408882
You can feel the sun, eat and try new things, enjoy the holiday atmosphere... It's not all about the view.
>> No. 408886 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 2:13 am
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>>408883

You can sit under a sun lamp eating tapas and playing with duolingo for a fraction of the price. If my wife was blind I'd probably just do that and pocket the holiday money.

>>408882

> I also imagine that being on a plane as a blind person is many times more terrifying than for somebody who has eyesight.

Probably the stupidest thing I ever did was ketamine on a plane.
>> No. 408895 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 10:44 am
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>>408881
Marketing flowers for the blind seems a bit snarky to me. Like offering lullabies to the deaf.
>> No. 408896 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 11:36 am
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>>408895
They can smell them.
>> No. 408897 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 12:01 pm
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>>408886

>Probably the stupidest thing I ever did was ketamine on a plane.

We went on a family holiday once, and my older brother took a medication against motion sickness during the flight. It was a long-haul flight to Sri Lanka, so he really must have been munching them away. He was fine during the flight, but then when we got to our hotel, that afternoon he started seeing things and hallucinating. When I came into the room one time, he looked at me terrified and swore he thought I was the devil incarnate.

It later turned out that the motion sickness drug he was taking could lead to hallucination and other psychoactive effects if taken by children in overdoses. My brother was twelve, so he wasn't a small child anymore, but he was really out of it. Luckily, the effects wore off over night and the next day he was back to normal again.
>> No. 408898 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 12:17 pm
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>>408896
I was talking about the blind, not poofs.
>> No. 408902 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 3:40 pm
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Some weird ideas about blind people in this thread.
>> No. 408908 Anonymous
5th March 2017
Sunday 7:19 pm
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>>408902
Well it's not like they can read them, anyways.
>> No. 409028 Anonymous
11th March 2017
Saturday 9:16 pm
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Every time I go back to my uni town, I just think "Why the fuck did I ever leave?" How sad would it be for me, a grown-ass graduate, to move back after less than a year in That London? Basically, when does it become unacceptable to shark on undergrad girls?
>> No. 409029 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 12:23 am
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I may have inherited my dad's heart condition.

I'm 35 and am beginning to get palpitations under stress that feel like a vice tightening around my chest, and occasional stinging sensations in the heart region.

My dad will be 61 in April and has the heart of a 75-year-old. He told me that's how it started with him. Also in his mid-30s. I've got an appointment with a heart specialist next week for some tests.
>> No. 409030 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 12:30 am
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>>409029
>> No. 409031 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 12:35 am
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>>409029
Are you going to kill yourself if the doctor gives you bad news? Are you mad at your mum or dad for bringing you into the world?
>> No. 409032 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 12:48 am
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>>409029
>My dad will be 61 in April and has the heart of a 75-year-old.
Does the 75-year-old know?
>> No. 409034 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 1:40 pm
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>>409031

No, not really.

But it looks like heart problems indeed run in our family. At least on my dad's side. My granddad died of a heart attack at age 78. My uncle on my dad's side is 65 and has a similarly weak heart as my dad, although it's not quite as bad.

I guess I got the good hair from my mum's side (not a hint of hair loss or grey hair at age 35) and the bad heart from my dad. You win some, you lose some.
>> No. 409035 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 4:13 pm
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My ISP has informed me that they're doing essential maintenance this weekend and likely next weekend. All I want when I'm not at work is to slob out and play video games and binge Netflix.

Oh and with there being a little bit of sun all my neighbours have decided to do loud outdoor things like mowing the lawn, chopping wood and let their dogs bark.
>> No. 409036 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 6:43 pm
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>>409035

I would draw a line when they start sacrificing goats in the back garden.
>> No. 409037 Anonymous
12th March 2017
Sunday 7:06 pm
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>>409034

Oh, do piss off. I'm early 30's and all the men in my family die from heart attacks at 50. 78? Christ, I would literally kill for that innings.
>> No. 409039 Anonymous
13th March 2017
Monday 1:50 am
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>>409037

You want sympathy because your genes are even more shit than mine?

50 is slightly young though for fatal heart problems. Do you live in Scotland and subsist on a diet of deep fried Mars bars?
>> No. 409040 Anonymous
13th March 2017
Monday 1:51 am
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>>409037
50? Count yourself lucky. My family have to reproduce before 30, before the ol' ticker gives out. Got to pass on those genes, though.
>> No. 409041 Anonymous
13th March 2017
Monday 11:38 am
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>>409040

>Got to pass on those genes, though

Perhaps yours shouldn't be passed on. This is not even meant as an insult.

One of my friends adopted her child, because schizophrenia runs rampant in her family, with people having killed themselves in almost every generation. It mostly affects male family members, but then again, one of her aunts has spent most of her adult life in and out of psychiatric care.

Oh, and my friend has also had one miscarriage, which was so traumatic that she didn't want to run the risk of it happening again. On top of everything else.
>> No. 409042 Anonymous
13th March 2017
Monday 3:56 pm
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>>409039

Sympathy? Hah. I have adjusted to my limited lifespan.
>> No. 409061 Anonymous
17th March 2017
Friday 2:19 am
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I think the girl I like is about to spend a long weekend getting railed by professional athletes. I mean, I've got nice calves, but if I start busting them out before April I'm only gonna' look desperate.
>> No. 409062 Anonymous
17th March 2017
Friday 2:40 am
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>>409041

> Perhaps yours shouldn't be passed on. This is not even meant as an insult.

I was honestly looking forward to becoming a leaf node in the tree of life; finally extinguishing the flame of life that's been within me for nigh on 4 billion fucking years. Sadly, it was not be, as my cunt of a wife forced me kicking and screaming into the bizarre mirror world of forced fatherhood.

Nonetheless, I look upon my son and I have to assess thusly: If (as it appears to be) he has half of my good looks and intelligence, and half of the base nastiness and animal cunning of this mother then he'll be the biggest lady killer since Fred fucking West.
>> No. 409063 Anonymous
17th March 2017
Friday 11:27 am
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>>409062

>Sadly, it was not be, as my cunt of a wife forced me kicking and screaming into the bizarre mirror world of forced fatherhood.

Had something similar happen among my friends. Their relationship was circling the drain, but she didn't want to give up a future as the prospective wife of an orthodontist with a burgeoning private practice (my mate now makes up to £10,000 as take-home during a good month, although it can vary to some degree). Well, she secretly went off the pill, as some women do, and their daughter was born some ten months later. She was hoping that this was going to convince him to stick with the relationship and marry her, but they were just too far gone, and separated for good the following year. But what is going on now is a fierce child support battle in which she has taken him to court twice already because she feels she is entitled to more monthly payout than some people will ever receive as wages for their own hard work. She is an absolute sponge, and has hardly worked at all since they split up. At the moment, she entirely lives off the two grand that she is getting from him a month. And that's already close to double the minimum requirement, because my mate is a generous guy who thinks his daughter shouldn't suffer just because her mum is a cold hearted lazy money grubbing bitch.

Just a cautionary tale. Be careful who you stick your knob into.
>> No. 409076 Anonymous
19th March 2017
Sunday 2:20 am
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>>409063

>Just a cautionary tale. Be careful who you stick your knob into.

https://wikileaks.org/ciav7p1/
>> No. 409081 Anonymous
19th March 2017
Sunday 8:03 pm
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I received a PayPal Chargeback email for an item I sold on eBay. I've still got the postage receipt with tracking code, even got the proof of delivery with signature that's viewable online.
Maybe I should get in touch with this lad and ask him what's the craic, or should I just let PayPal sort it out (ha!).

I'll distract myself later by watching Operation Good Guys.
Thanks for the tip >>407828, it's even funnier than I remember.
>> No. 409083 Anonymous
19th March 2017
Sunday 11:36 pm
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>>409081
I work for a small business that sells through ebay, and both ebay and paypal support are usually very helpful from my perspective. You have the proof of delivery, just be polite to the phone support people and they shouldn't reverse the charge unless the item is being returned and you verify that it has been returned in the original condition.
>> No. 409084 Anonymous
20th March 2017
Monday 9:13 am
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>>409083

Or they ask some fuckwit in Texas to take a sledgehammer to a Stradivarius without contacting the seller, valuers or indeed anyone but some fucking retard.
>> No. 409098 Anonymous
21st March 2017
Tuesday 10:40 am
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>>409063

This is why we need more women to be fisherpersons.
>> No. 409107 Anonymous
22nd March 2017
Wednesday 1:38 pm
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>>409098

> This is why we need more women to be fisherpersons.


You will find that many fisherpersons see nothing wrong with this scenario. He got her pregnant, and he's got a sumptuous income. Why should he not be made to pay through the nose. What's the point of still pursuing self-actualisation if you can just have an estranged ex partner with deep pockets bankrolling your lifestyle. Men earn too much compared to women anyway, y'know.
>> No. 409148 Anonymous
22nd March 2017
Wednesday 11:17 pm
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>>409107

No, that is not a fisherperson sentiment.
>> No. 409243 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 2:44 pm
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My gossippy neighbour is annoying the royal fuck out of me. She has lived in the flat next door with her boyfriend for about a year. Late 20s couple with great ambitions, a bit like a modern day Marcy and Steve from Married with Children.

I have jokingly called her the building's GCHQ, because she always wants to know everything about everybody, and is completely oblivious to this maybe being perceived as nosy or downright rude by others. She will tell you when the lady downstairs takes her dog for a walk, or when the lad upstairs has put too much stuff in the wheelie bins again.

I have stopped even telling her anything about my private life, as she has seemed to take great delight in hearing all the juicy details about who I have been going out with, or even how my career is going.

A while ago, I had a job interview, coincidentally at the same company where her boyfriend works, albeit a totally different branch. So one day on the balcony, I told them that I had had a job interview at that place, and she looked at me almost with diasppointment and then said, "Why didn't you tell us??".

I fucking hate her, and I hate having to make nice with her. Because another thing she does is that she always complains to her boyfriend when people are less polite with her than I am, and just don't take her shit. And I don't want that kind of bad vibe here where I live.
>> No. 409244 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 2:54 pm
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>>409243
She is clearly looking for some excitement in her life. Why don't you give her a few inches of it tell a few little lies that will keep her mind turning at night?
>> No. 409247 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 4:33 pm
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>>409244
>She is clearly looking for some excitement in her life

This. I work(ed) with a woman who would not shut up the entire time she was in the office. Always really tedious shite, like that she had pie last night with rice but her partner doesn't like rice so he had it with chips instead. Almost non-stop between 9 and 5. Usually exactly the same pointless witterings are repeated to several different people during the day.

Her first husband was very controlling of her, like making her account for every penny if she went to the shops and forbidding her to contact people, and her current partner spends most evenings playing on his Xbox rather than actually spending time with her so I can see why she does it.

I was placed on gardening leave yesterday, which means for the next 5 weeks until I start my new job I'm going to be paid not to go to work.
>> No. 409248 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 4:39 pm
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I'm stuck at home all weekend because I'm on call. I can't even go visit my mum because the journey will involve being unable to work for longer than the time limit I have to respond. I wouldn't mind so much if there was a serious risk of being called out, but we've been called out twice in six months, and one of those was by accident. I also wouldn't mind so much if I was paid a decent rate for being on call.
>> No. 409249 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 5:14 pm
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>>409247
My mate had gardening leave for six months cos he was moving to a major competitor. He didn't really want to leave, he just wanted to force the company's hand for higher pay.
>> No. 409250 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 8:25 pm
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>>409248

Doctor? Firefighter?
>> No. 409251 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 8:34 pm
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>>409244

I strongly believe that neighbours shouldn't fuck, at least not when one of them is in a steady relationship. Also, IMO she isn't attractive enough to risk it. I am not going to upset delicate balances in this building any further by getting it on with a 6/10 while her boyfriend is out with his mates.

I must admit though that I used to rub one out now and then over that early 30s single mom/MILF who used to live on the top floor. She was smoking hot, with a toned body which put that of many women ten years younger to shame. She actually met somebody on eHarmony, and they have now moved in together into a bigger place. Kind of a shame that she's gone. Besides being very fuckable, she was just an all around pleasant person.
>> No. 409252 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 9:32 pm
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>>409249
If I'd known they were going to put me on gardening leave I'd have never negotiated my notice period down from 12 weeks. Oh well. I'm probably never going to have this much time off work in a row until I retire.
>> No. 409253 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 10:47 pm
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>>409252
On the one hand, you're getting seven weeks less than you would have got before. On the other, you're going to be on your new (hopefully) considerably higher pay for those seven weeks.
>> No. 409254 Anonymous
25th March 2017
Saturday 11:53 pm
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I've been writing up a detailed abstract on my thesis. I shouldn't be doing this as the work isn't finished but I wasted 6 hours on the train last week because my supervisors couldn't understand a section I sent over so this is to help them.

Apparently they read my work 4 times but not once did they think to look over any of the previous work/plans I've sent to get the context which they missed (and to which I explained pretty fucking quickly). I'm not even sure how much they paid attention when reading it because they tried some points that were clearly explained within the section itself and furthermore dared to claim that I didn't know what I was talking about even on fundamentals.

The icing on the cake was when I arrived in the meeting being told that they were 'very cross with me' and had spent the previous half-hour bitching about me thinking they would just eat my alive. Needless to say I am fuming.

The lesson here is if you apply to do research and don't get the supervisor you wanted don't assume that they guy you get is a well decided fit. Instead you get the jackasses.

>>409251
Well in my defence I struck that bit out. What you really should do though is have a little fun while you teach her a life lesson. Maybe drop some hints that the woman upstairs is a reptilian.

Sure she will laugh at first but then the woman upstairs will start sunbathing every-morning and regenerating a lost limb. Perfectly normal stuff until the suspicion is there.

>>409252
What do you plan on doing with all that time?
>> No. 409273 Anonymous
26th March 2017
Sunday 10:08 am
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>>409254
>What do you plan on doing with all that time?

I'm a bit limited as I've got kids, so won't be able to do too much apart from when they're off for Easter. I'm also going to be a bit fucked financially next month because my employer is going to take all my exam fees for the past two years off my final pay and that's going to be at least £1,000, possibly nearer to £2,000, but the net amount won't be so bad if it's before tax, NI, pension, student loan, etc.

I've got a couple of CII exams next week so I'm planning on doing a bit of extra revision this week. My other half is on maternity leave so I think she's been drawing up plans to redecorate and do up our front garden. There's also a few old friends who've said they want to meet up for a pint so I'll also take them up on their offers.
>> No. 409278 Anonymous
26th March 2017
Sunday 10:35 pm
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I spent my weekend doing work, mainly. Had a meeting and did some stuff, my "boss" wants us to do a social media push including on twitter so I spent much of today making absurd and nonsensical memes to post automatically through the week. It feels like we're supposed to spend more time, thought and effort on advertising the product than on the product itself.
>> No. 409282 Anonymous
27th March 2017
Monday 12:10 am
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The older I get, the more I enjoy my everyday little passive aggressive moments.

I was just driving home an hour ago, and I was approaching a school zone when suddenly some bell end in a Volkwsagen Touareg came up behind me and I saw in the rear view mirror that he was in a real hurry and at some point practically less than two feet behind me. He kept swerving his car, trying to overtake me. Illegally, on a narrow two-way residential neighbourhood main road.

I wasn't having any of it, so then we were coming up to the school zone, I slowed down to precisely 20 mph and kept those 20 mph for the whole one mile of the school zone. I could tell he was getting livid, and there were too many obstructions and cars coming our way from the opposite direction, so he had no choice but to wait for the end of the school zone. Right after the school zone, the road became wider with two lanes per direction, and he took the opportunity to make a point of pulling up from behind me and then doing a kickdown and pretty much accelerating to what seemed like 60 mph. In a 30 zone, mind you.

If middle age means you start to enjoy pissing people off like that, then I am whole heartedly looking forward to it.
>> No. 409283 Anonymous
27th March 2017
Monday 1:10 am
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>>409282

I did something very similar, but at the end of the low speed zone I accelerated off as fast as I could just as he was about to get the presumably satisfying overtake past me. I bet it was like someone stopping you mid sneeze.
>> No. 409284 Anonymous
27th March 2017
Monday 9:20 pm
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>>409283

You have to be careful not to piss off those boyracerlads too much though. One time, I was travelling on the M4, and there was a big-engined, lowered dark Mercedes full of Mideastern looking young chaps no older than 23 or 24. They kept changing lanes and were just driving recklessly, and one time while I was changing lanes, they nearly crashed into me sideways because the driver very suddenly also wanted to move over into the same lane.

I saw in my rear view mirror that they were gesturing at me wildly. I happened to have my big old Canon EOS camera in the passenger seat, so when they were pulling up next to me, I took the camera and pretended I was taking a picture of them. The driver abruptly stepped on the brakes, but then they proceeded to pull up to me again, and made very menacing hand gestures as if they were going to kill me or beat me up. It was really an "oh shit" kind of moment. Then I saw that an exit was coming up, and that a police car in another lane was getting ready to take that exit. So I took that exit together with the police car, and tried to stay as close to the police as possible. I'll never forget the dirty looks the lads in the Mercedes gave me. It may have been a close call for me.

Moral of the story: take the piss out of people a little bit every day. But be careful and don't overdo it. There are people who won't get the joke.
>> No. 409285 Anonymous
27th March 2017
Monday 9:45 pm
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>>409284
Might just be Asians. Once I was driving through Dewsbury and a couple of Asian twenty-somethings in a tuned up Corsa tried pulling out of a side street in front of my car, almost causing a crash. I gave them the old Nescafe shake and they proceeded to tailgate, regularly hold down their horn, repeatedly slow down to build a gap before rapidly accelerating and slamming their brakes on at the last minute and trying to get their car alongside mine whenever there was no oncoming traffic.
>> No. 409286 Anonymous
28th March 2017
Tuesday 10:25 am
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>>409285>>409284
This is why you need a dashcam these days lads.

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