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|>>|| No. 414070
It's the first of December. It's that time of year again.
Open your advent calendar chocolates, listen to Andrew, put up your tree at the weekend, put off the present shopping for at least a fortnight, surviving the Christmas party at work, watching shit on telly.
You know the drill by now, lads.
|>>|| No. 414071
All we need now is that game with the rabbit jumping on snowflakes and we have most of the Britfa Christmas traditions
|>>|| No. 414075
Forgot to post this today, it was on my to do list. Honestly this is one of my favourite things about the run up to Christmas. Cheers Andrew!
|>>|| No. 414085
The Christmas period makes me feel ill now and this Andrew lad has reminded me of it. Possibly it's something that I used to consider special, but have since realised it happens every year and it's the same thing, which isn't special at all, but I don't know.
The sound of sleigh bells, everything sparkly and shiny, cloying sentimentality in shit songs of which there are a hundred new ones every single year, and being forced to go shopping. There is no longer a single thought expressed about Christmas that remains original.
Even the word Christmas makes me ill now. You have to hear it over and over again for over a month. That 'krss' sound.
|>>|| No. 414087
It's just too long and too much fuss. By the time Christmas day actually comes around, I'm thoroughly fed up with it all.
I think our expectations are so high that it's all become a massive chore. Sticking a frozen turkey in the oven isn't enough, you've got to do an organic three-bird roast with potatoes roasted in goose fat. A tree with some baubles and a bit of tinsel isn't enough, you've got to deck out your house like Santa's bloody grotto. Some wooly socks or a Terry's Chocolate Orange aren't enough, everyone's got to buy me £20 worth of pointless shit that I'll have to offload at the charity shop and they expect the same in return.
I think we'd all enjoy Christmas much more if we stopped trying so hard. There's little in life so utterly soul-destroying as mandatory fun.
|>>|| No. 414089
I've just been to the shops. Absolutely heaving and people seemed less polite than usual.
|>>|| No. 414091
I haven't done Christmas shopping in actual shops for years, I'm strictly online-only for the whole of December. My local shopping centre is like Dawn of the Dead at this time of year.
|>>|| No. 414092
It was just food shopping. It's like people have decided to collectively shit the bed.
|>>|| No. 414094
> My local shopping centre is like Dawn of the Dead at this time of year.
I have a pronounced aversion towards brightly lit shopping centres pretty much throughout the year. They just always make me feel claustrophobic, and when you then add all the glittering lights of tacky artificial Christmas tree displays, as well as hundreds of stressed out Christmas shoppers putting out their elbows, then that is just about the worst place for me to be.
So yes, I, too, do all my Christmas shopping online now. And besides, most things tend to be cheaper online than at those shopping centres. So why pay extra money to go to a place that makes you feel really quite uncomfortable.
|>>|| No. 414101
I don't like the BBC Christmas indents this year, with the dancing girl and her goblin-like father.
|>>|| No. 414107
The dad looks like a racist caricature. If you'd asked one of those racist cartoonists to draw a "dirty stinking fat Arab" then the end result wouldn't be too far off what the BBC ended up with.
Imagine the outcry if it was a black dad and they'd given him great big coon lips or a gorilla nose.
|>>|| No. 414121
I've got a week to buy a secret Santa present and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm relatively new to the company so I thought it'd be an idea to at least make an effort to join in before becoming a miser, but I've now got to buy something for a woman I don't really know much about despite seeing her every day. I asked someone today for suggestions and they said she's one of the most difficult people to buy for because she doesn't drink alcohol at home and she's not really into chocolate or anything like that.
|>>|| No. 414124
I know. I joined in against my better judgement. I may just do what I usually do and let my other half sort it out.
I think I've blown that window of opportunity by asking for suggestions and losing my full anonymity. I have heard in previous years that people have been bought things like butt plugs.
|>>|| No. 414147
Bo Selecta ran out of scheme fairly quickly. With Keith Lemon he doesn't have to even pretend to try anymore.
|>>|| No. 414150
The unwashed masses, basically. There's plenty of people who think he's a genius. (not that Bo Selecta was high brow, anyway)
|>>|| No. 414155
I spent lots of time time dancing and talking with a co-worker I have always fancied last night at the work christmas party (I am pretty sure she fancies me too).
I am pretty sure we will have created a bit of office gossip, but this morning I am very glad it went no further than flirting. As nice as it would have been to wake up next to her this morning, it would have made work rather complicated.
|>>|| No. 414156
I had my Christmas party last night, too. Considering it was a free bar and the amount I drank I'm pleasantly surprised I didn't make a massive tit of myself.
|>>|| No. 414157
I've got some minging sinusitis and I think I'll use it as an excuse to avoid going to my Christmas do tonight. We've paid 35 quid and it turns out its a fucking buffet. The bird who always flirts with me when she's drunk isn't going. And it's fucking freezing. I can't be arsed.
|>>|| No. 414171
I don't own a TV, and I sneer at most shows when I catch a few minutes round someones house. I always thought the Keith Lemon stuff was infantile and lazy when I noticed, but once time I saw an episode and it was so absurdly hilarious that I was in shock.
|>>|| No. 414174
So is that just a thing .gs does now, even when it's completely inexplicable? Any time a comedian is praised some card will post this singularly brilliant witticism?
|>>|| No. 414175
It's Internet wide. Whenever someone claims to like something, they must be shilling it.
|>>|| No. 414176
>So is that just a thing .gs does now
It's well known that we don't do in-jokes and memes here due to our elitism over the likes of 4chan.
|>>|| No. 414177
On places like reddit that is mostly true. Disney has spent an enormous amount of energy trying to make the star wars prequals ironically likable online.
I remember on here a few years back some naive fool on here not realizing 'Netflix and Chilli' was a viral campaign. They seemed to believe that companies wouldn't want their product associated with getting laid. Daft sod.
|>>|| No. 414178
I thought we did in jokes, but never memes. When we did it, it was completely different from chans which this site isn't and is nothing like.
|>>|| No. 414179
Depends on whether the Kathmandu knobheads are around and wanting to reminisce about things that happened in 2008/09 at the very latest.
|>>|| No. 414193
I think its too late. We admitted we have feelings for each other and now we can't take that back.
Either I shoot her down (or she shoots me down) - creating immediate awkwardness, or I break one of those unwritten workplace rules and pursue her - leading to awkwardness in future when we give each other special treatment or if we break up.
|>>|| No. 414194
Just shag her lad and make something out of it. Who knows, you might even find happiness.
|>>|| No. 414208
You're not going to work at this place forever, are you? And even if you end up together with this lass- You probably won't be forever. If you answer yes to either of those then yeah, better nip it in the bud.
If no, then... Well, it would have been wiser to leave it well enough alone, but the cat's out of the bag now isn't it. Plus you can keep things spicy by not telling anyone at work you're going out and having sex in the store room.
|>>|| No. 414231
So we seem to be pretending it never happened.
I think there are a group of the girls at work that are trying to get us together though - smiling knowingly when they see us both. I suppose they think we would be a cute couple because we are both kind of awkward. The truth is though that I don't think we have much in common except a mutual desire to get jiggy.
|>>|| No. 414232
>a mutual desire to get jiggy.
You're saying that like it's a bad thing.
Anyway, I've recently discovered that fanny batter is the ultimate remedy for cracked skin on your knuckles so I fully endorse you go and fill your boots.
|>>|| No. 414275
Today was Secret Santa day. I got a bottle of Southern Comfort. I can't complain; someone else got a blow up doll.
On an unrelated note, there was shit on the wall in the toilets at work.
|>>|| No. 414277
I had my boss's OK, although not in writing, that I would get to take time off between Christmas and New Year's Eve. But today, she asked me if I could come in "for a day or two" after all, because she would "value my input on a particular project". Which is really her way of saying "If you don't come in, you'll go on my shit list". She is a master at these little games... like many women are, I suppose.
|>>|| No. 414279
The awfulness of wherever you work escalated at neck breaking speed during your post.
|>>|| No. 414280
It's the first place I've worked where there's a sizeable number of lads in their twenties and early thirties, so it can get a bit laddish at times. Showing each other pictures of women in bikinis on their phones, things like that.
I've been there about 7 months and it's the second incident of someone leaving poo where it shouldn't have been; the other was leaving a nugget on the floor in the bogs.
|>>|| No. 414282
It's honestly not as bad as it sounds. There's no workplace drama or anything so I can get my head down, do my work and then fuck off home afterwards.
|>>|| No. 414283
That's kind of proving his point - anywhere that you feel you have to keep your head down and fuck off home isn't ideal.
|>>|| No. 414288
No, I don't feel I have to. I mean, as in I can do my job and leave it at the door and that's that.
The last place I worked at there was always office politics and drama because there was four women who'd always be arguing with each other, shouting at one another, gossiping and generally shit stirring. There's nothing like that here; it's laid back.
|>>|| No. 414291
The type of place where they'll regularly quote things like Big Shaq.
>Two plus two is four
>Minus one that's three
|>>|| No. 414292
Man's been using ironic endz yoot lingo an ting at work for ages, then Big fucking Shaq came along and everyone's doing it. Bastard.
|>>|| No. 414301
I have no idea what to buy my Dad this year.
|>>|| No. 414309
My Dad isn't too dissimilar from this.
Christmas invariably involves buying him dark chocolate, Thorntons toffee and a few DVDs; last year I got him Dad's Army, Fury and something else which I've forgotten completely.
I believe the only time he's asked for anything specific in the past decade was when he was running low on Boss Orange, so that's one year out of the past ten I've got him something different.
|>>|| No. 414310
Oh, hang on, I thought the teapot and flowers were included. I think what I actually want is a teapot and flowers. The foot stool is great though, as I type this I've got my feet up on my coffee table.
Parents are so difficult, I bought my dad an Airfix DB5 last year and he never even touched it, prick.
|>>|| No. 414324
>Parents are so difficult, I bought my dad an Airfix DB5 last year and he never even touched it, prick.
I totally get this sentiment - I have bad news, you get the same when you have kids, too.
|>>|| No. 414385
The first 10 minutes or so felt largely flat; it only really got going when Pauline's scene started.
|>>|| No. 414386
We literally have an occupying army firing on unarmed British citizens and you think it's appropriate to withdraw into a surreal comedy. Shame on you!
|>>|| No. 414402
If you think about it, a Chocolate Orange is the perfect murder weapon.
You can hold in your hand like a rock and an unbroken one is about as hard as it, too. If you gave someone a proper thwack on the head with a Chocolate Orange then you could easily smash in their skull and cause brain damage.
All you need to then is simply take it out the foil and eat it. You've disposed of the evidence.
|>>|| No. 414406
Won't the spacing be all different on those now and therefore be less effective at battering someone?
|>>|| No. 414408
I picked one up the other day, they were in Morrisons for about £50, and it felt a bit to cumbersome to wield effectively as a weapon.
I want to try the Poundland knock-off version, but that would entail going in Poundland.
|>>|| No. 414410
Just gotta put it in the freezer lad. Then you can drop them off buildings and hope for the best.
|>>|| No. 414413
This. I picked it up off the shelf, gauged its weight in my hands and then put it back.
|>>|| No. 414419
I don't like Christmas that much to be honest - regularly threaten my family that we should do the entire thing from Poundland.
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