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2009-gottabeandrew.jpg
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>> No. 414070 Anonymous
1st December 2017
Friday 7:39 am
414070 Christmas 2017
It's the first of December. It's that time of year again.

Open your advent calendar chocolates, listen to Andrew, put up your tree at the weekend, put off the present shopping for at least a fortnight, surviving the Christmas party at work, watching shit on telly.

You know the drill by now, lads.
Expand all images.
>> No. 414071 Anonymous
1st December 2017
Friday 9:21 am
414071 spacer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Xyjk4sDxnI
All we need now is that game with the rabbit jumping on snowflakes and we have most of the Britfa Christmas traditions
>> No. 414072 Anonymous
1st December 2017
Friday 9:28 am
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i_GBm8D9.jpg
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>2009-gottabeandrew.jpg

This is how Andrew looks these days.
>> No. 414073 Anonymous
1st December 2017
Friday 9:59 am
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>>414071

http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/bells.htm
>> No. 414074 Anonymous
1st December 2017
Friday 11:52 am
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>>414070
GAH
>> No. 414075 Anonymous
1st December 2017
Friday 12:57 pm
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Forgot to post this today, it was on my to do list. Honestly this is one of my favourite things about the run up to Christmas. Cheers Andrew!
>> No. 414085 Anonymous
2nd December 2017
Saturday 12:43 am
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The Christmas period makes me feel ill now and this Andrew lad has reminded me of it. Possibly it's something that I used to consider special, but have since realised it happens every year and it's the same thing, which isn't special at all, but I don't know.

The sound of sleigh bells, everything sparkly and shiny, cloying sentimentality in shit songs of which there are a hundred new ones every single year, and being forced to go shopping. There is no longer a single thought expressed about Christmas that remains original.

Even the word Christmas makes me ill now. You have to hear it over and over again for over a month. That 'krss' sound.
>> No. 414087 Anonymous
2nd December 2017
Saturday 1:58 am
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>>414085

It's just too long and too much fuss. By the time Christmas day actually comes around, I'm thoroughly fed up with it all.

I think our expectations are so high that it's all become a massive chore. Sticking a frozen turkey in the oven isn't enough, you've got to do an organic three-bird roast with potatoes roasted in goose fat. A tree with some baubles and a bit of tinsel isn't enough, you've got to deck out your house like Santa's bloody grotto. Some wooly socks or a Terry's Chocolate Orange aren't enough, everyone's got to buy me £20 worth of pointless shit that I'll have to offload at the charity shop and they expect the same in return.

I think we'd all enjoy Christmas much more if we stopped trying so hard. There's little in life so utterly soul-destroying as mandatory fun.
>> No. 414089 Anonymous
2nd December 2017
Saturday 12:18 pm
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I've just been to the shops. Absolutely heaving and people seemed less polite than usual.
>> No. 414091 Anonymous
2nd December 2017
Saturday 4:54 pm
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>>414089

I haven't done Christmas shopping in actual shops for years, I'm strictly online-only for the whole of December. My local shopping centre is like Dawn of the Dead at this time of year.
>> No. 414092 Anonymous
2nd December 2017
Saturday 5:08 pm
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>>414091
It was just food shopping. It's like people have decided to collectively shit the bed.
>> No. 414094 Anonymous
2nd December 2017
Saturday 7:18 pm
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>>414091

> My local shopping centre is like Dawn of the Dead at this time of year.

I have a pronounced aversion towards brightly lit shopping centres pretty much throughout the year. They just always make me feel claustrophobic, and when you then add all the glittering lights of tacky artificial Christmas tree displays, as well as hundreds of stressed out Christmas shoppers putting out their elbows, then that is just about the worst place for me to be.

So yes, I, too, do all my Christmas shopping online now. And besides, most things tend to be cheaper online than at those shopping centres. So why pay extra money to go to a place that makes you feel really quite uncomfortable.
>> No. 414101 Anonymous
3rd December 2017
Sunday 2:10 am
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I don't like the BBC Christmas indents this year, with the dancing girl and her goblin-like father.
>> No. 414102 Anonymous
3rd December 2017
Sunday 11:54 am
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>>414101


Is it because they are minorities? You racist
>> No. 414103 Anonymous
3rd December 2017
Sunday 12:13 pm
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>>414102

Cutting satire as ever, Si.
>> No. 414107 Anonymous
3rd December 2017
Sunday 3:58 pm
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>>414102
The dad looks like a racist caricature. If you'd asked one of those racist cartoonists to draw a "dirty stinking fat Arab" then the end result wouldn't be too far off what the BBC ended up with.

Imagine the outcry if it was a black dad and they'd given him great big coon lips or a gorilla nose.
>> No. 414114 Anonymous
3rd December 2017
Sunday 11:49 pm
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqBF7TiyATo
>> No. 414121 Anonymous
4th December 2017
Monday 5:17 pm
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I've got a week to buy a secret Santa present and I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I'm relatively new to the company so I thought it'd be an idea to at least make an effort to join in before becoming a miser, but I've now got to buy something for a woman I don't really know much about despite seeing her every day. I asked someone today for suggestions and they said she's one of the most difficult people to buy for because she doesn't drink alcohol at home and she's not really into chocolate or anything like that.
>> No. 414122 Anonymous
4th December 2017
Monday 5:21 pm
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>>414121
This is one of the reasons I don't get involved in Secret Santa if I can help it.
>> No. 414123 Anonymous
4th December 2017
Monday 5:26 pm
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>>414121
Get her a vibrator. Can't go wrong.
>> No. 414124 Anonymous
4th December 2017
Monday 5:49 pm
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>>414122
I know. I joined in against my better judgement. I may just do what I usually do and let my other half sort it out.

>>414123
I think I've blown that window of opportunity by asking for suggestions and losing my full anonymity. I have heard in previous years that people have been bought things like butt plugs.
>> No. 414125 Anonymous
4th December 2017
Monday 5:52 pm
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>>414124
Ah, the perfect unisex gift.
>> No. 414126 Anonymous
4th December 2017
Monday 5:55 pm
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Ah, I stumbled across this, and wondered who the fuck would need one (or ten - dunno what your secret santa budget is).

https://www.banggood.com/Mochi-Dingding-Squishy-Squeeze-Cute-Healing-Toy-Kawaii-Collection-Fun-Joke-Gift-Decor-p-1126040.html?rmmds=detail-bottom-alsobought&cur_warehouse=CN

Enjoy!
>> No. 414127 Anonymous
4th December 2017
Monday 6:02 pm
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>>414072
He was great in Him & Her.
>> No. 414128 Anonymous
4th December 2017
Monday 7:44 pm
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>>414072
>> No. 414146 Anonymous
5th December 2017
Tuesday 8:53 pm
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>>414114
It's a shame he gave up on Bo. I really don't get Keith lemon.
>> No. 414147 Anonymous
5th December 2017
Tuesday 9:52 pm
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>>414146
Bo Selecta ran out of scheme fairly quickly. With Keith Lemon he doesn't have to even pretend to try anymore.
>> No. 414148 Anonymous
5th December 2017
Tuesday 10:06 pm
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>>414147
I don't understand who he's trying to appeal to. Drunk women, gay blokes?
>> No. 414149 Anonymous
5th December 2017
Tuesday 10:15 pm
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>>414148
Thickos. It's not like they're in short supply.
>> No. 414150 Anonymous
6th December 2017
Wednesday 12:09 am
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>>414148

The unwashed masses, basically. There's plenty of people who think he's a genius. (not that Bo Selecta was high brow, anyway)
>> No. 414155 Anonymous
9th December 2017
Saturday 11:59 am
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I spent lots of time time dancing and talking with a co-worker I have always fancied last night at the work christmas party (I am pretty sure she fancies me too).

I am pretty sure we will have created a bit of office gossip, but this morning I am very glad it went no further than flirting. As nice as it would have been to wake up next to her this morning, it would have made work rather complicated.
>> No. 414156 Anonymous
9th December 2017
Saturday 12:24 pm
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>>414155
I had my Christmas party last night, too. Considering it was a free bar and the amount I drank I'm pleasantly surprised I didn't make a massive tit of myself.
>> No. 414157 Anonymous
9th December 2017
Saturday 1:07 pm
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I've got some minging sinusitis and I think I'll use it as an excuse to avoid going to my Christmas do tonight. We've paid 35 quid and it turns out its a fucking buffet. The bird who always flirts with me when she's drunk isn't going. And it's fucking freezing. I can't be arsed.
>> No. 414171 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 9:57 am
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>>414148
>>414150

I don't own a TV, and I sneer at most shows when I catch a few minutes round someones house. I always thought the Keith Lemon stuff was infantile and lazy when I noticed, but once time I saw an episode and it was so absurdly hilarious that I was in shock.
>> No. 414172 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 10:31 am
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>>414171
Alright, Keith? How's it going?

Any snow where you are?
>> No. 414174 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 10:49 am
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>>414172
So is that just a thing .gs does now, even when it's completely inexplicable? Any time a comedian is praised some card will post this singularly brilliant witticism?
>> No. 414175 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 10:53 am
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>>414174
It's Internet wide. Whenever someone claims to like something, they must be shilling it.
>> No. 414176 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 11:03 am
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>>414174
>So is that just a thing .gs does now

It's well known that we don't do in-jokes and memes here due to our elitism over the likes of 4chan.
>> No. 414177 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 11:04 am
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>>414175

On places like reddit that is mostly true. Disney has spent an enormous amount of energy trying to make the star wars prequals ironically likable online.

I remember on here a few years back some naive fool on here not realizing 'Netflix and Chilli' was a viral campaign. They seemed to believe that companies wouldn't want their product associated with getting laid. Daft sod.
>> No. 414178 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 11:07 am
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>>414176

I thought we did in jokes, but never memes. When we did it, it was completely different from chans which this site isn't and is nothing like.
>> No. 414179 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 11:17 am
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>>414178
Depends on whether the Kathmandu knobheads are around and wanting to reminisce about things that happened in 2008/09 at the very latest.
>> No. 414180 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 11:25 am
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>>414179
Please don't mention them, they might take it as an invitation.
>> No. 414185 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 2:27 pm
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>>414177
>'Netflix and Chilli' was a viral campaign
[citation needed]
>> No. 414188 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 4:39 pm
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>>414185

> [citation needed]

Please stop doing this you tiresome bellend.
>> No. 414189 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 4:40 pm
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>>414188
That doesn't look much like a source to me.
>> No. 414193 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 9:33 pm
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>>414155

Me again.

I think its too late. We admitted we have feelings for each other and now we can't take that back.

Either I shoot her down (or she shoots me down) - creating immediate awkwardness, or I break one of those unwritten workplace rules and pursue her - leading to awkwardness in future when we give each other special treatment or if we break up.
>> No. 414194 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 9:34 pm
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>>414193
Just shag her lad and make something out of it. Who knows, you might even find happiness.
>> No. 414195 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 9:39 pm
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>>414193

Life's too short, lad. Ask her out for a drink - outside of work.
>> No. 414196 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 9:41 pm
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>>414193
Have you seen the most recent South Park episode?
>> No. 414197 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 9:44 pm
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>>414195
I think having a drink at work would be better.
>> No. 414198 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 10:05 pm
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>>414197
Or a shag.
>> No. 414200 Anonymous
11th December 2017
Monday 1:31 pm
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>>414198
Go the whole hog and give her a good Arse Pissing.
>> No. 414208 Anonymous
11th December 2017
Monday 5:31 pm
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>>414193

You're not going to work at this place forever, are you? And even if you end up together with this lass- You probably won't be forever. If you answer yes to either of those then yeah, better nip it in the bud.

If no, then... Well, it would have been wiser to leave it well enough alone, but the cat's out of the bag now isn't it. Plus you can keep things spicy by not telling anyone at work you're going out and having sex in the store room.
>> No. 414231 Anonymous
12th December 2017
Tuesday 9:38 pm
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>>414193 again.

So we seem to be pretending it never happened.

I think there are a group of the girls at work that are trying to get us together though - smiling knowingly when they see us both. I suppose they think we would be a cute couple because we are both kind of awkward. The truth is though that I don't think we have much in common except a mutual desire to get jiggy.
>> No. 414232 Anonymous
12th December 2017
Tuesday 9:45 pm
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>>414231
>a mutual desire to get jiggy.

You're saying that like it's a bad thing.

Anyway, I've recently discovered that fanny batter is the ultimate remedy for cracked skin on your knuckles so I fully endorse you go and fill your boots.
>> No. 414275 Anonymous
14th December 2017
Thursday 8:48 pm
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Today was Secret Santa day. I got a bottle of Southern Comfort. I can't complain; someone else got a blow up doll.

On an unrelated note, there was shit on the wall in the toilets at work.
>> No. 414276 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 1:04 am
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Getting close, get hyped lads.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbPyB_UxI8M
>> No. 414277 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 12:21 pm
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I had my boss's OK, although not in writing, that I would get to take time off between Christmas and New Year's Eve. But today, she asked me if I could come in "for a day or two" after all, because she would "value my input on a particular project". Which is really her way of saying "If you don't come in, you'll go on my shit list". She is a master at these little games... like many women are, I suppose.
>> No. 414278 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 12:26 pm
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>>414276
Run Rudolph Run is chronically underplayed at Christmas.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuGzQHTRUrI
>> No. 414279 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 12:39 pm
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>>414275

The awfulness of wherever you work escalated at neck breaking speed during your post.
>> No. 414280 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 12:55 pm
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>>414279
It's the first place I've worked where there's a sizeable number of lads in their twenties and early thirties, so it can get a bit laddish at times. Showing each other pictures of women in bikinis on their phones, things like that.

I've been there about 7 months and it's the second incident of someone leaving poo where it shouldn't have been; the other was leaving a nugget on the floor in the bogs.
>> No. 414281 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 1:07 pm
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>>414280
I would use the new year to find a new job.
>> No. 414282 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 1:57 pm
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>>414281
It's honestly not as bad as it sounds. There's no workplace drama or anything so I can get my head down, do my work and then fuck off home afterwards.
>> No. 414283 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 3:36 pm
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>>414282
That's kind of proving his point - anywhere that you feel you have to keep your head down and fuck off home isn't ideal.
>> No. 414284 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 3:52 pm
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>>414283
It is if that's what he prefers.
>> No. 414288 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 4:19 pm
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>>414283
No, I don't feel I have to. I mean, as in I can do my job and leave it at the door and that's that.

The last place I worked at there was always office politics and drama because there was four women who'd always be arguing with each other, shouting at one another, gossiping and generally shit stirring. There's nothing like that here; it's laid back.
>> No. 414289 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 4:24 pm
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>>414288
What kind of a job/workplace is it? What do you actually do?
>> No. 414291 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 7:40 pm
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>>414289
The type of place where they'll regularly quote things like Big Shaq.

>Two plus two is four
>Minus one that's three
>Quick maths
>> No. 414292 Anonymous
15th December 2017
Friday 7:50 pm
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>>414291

Man's been using ironic endz yoot lingo an ting at work for ages, then Big fucking Shaq came along and everyone's doing it. Bastard.
>> No. 414294 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 1:32 am
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>>414291

You're an MP then?
>> No. 414295 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 1:47 am
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>>414292
Who is man? I've not been familiar with street slang since secondary school, blud.
>> No. 414296 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 6:56 am
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>>414295


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3M_5oYU-IsU
>> No. 414298 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 12:24 pm
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>>414296
This explains nothing.
>> No. 414300 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 1:25 pm
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>>414298
Welcome to modern Britain.
>> No. 414301 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 2:22 pm
414301 spacer
I have no idea what to buy my Dad this year.

Suggestions please.
>> No. 414302 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 2:31 pm
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>>414301
Well what's he into?
>> No. 414303 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 2:41 pm
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>>414302
Sitting and watching sport at home on his huge TV. He is 70.
>> No. 414304 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 2:51 pm
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>>414303
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Comfortable-Wooden-Rocking-footrest-support/dp/B00BP9UVCM
>> No. 414306 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 3:16 pm
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>>414304

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Remote-Control-Armrest-Organizer-12-Inch/dp/B06X18DG9C/
>> No. 414307 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 3:29 pm
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>>414304>>414306

I want both of these things and I'm 23; troubling.
>> No. 414308 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 4:29 pm
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>>414307
Me too - the armrest organiser is kind of genius and deeply tacky. I love it.
>> No. 414309 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 4:44 pm
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>>414301>>414303
My Dad isn't too dissimilar from this.

Christmas invariably involves buying him dark chocolate, Thorntons toffee and a few DVDs; last year I got him Dad's Army, Fury and something else which I've forgotten completely.

I believe the only time he's asked for anything specific in the past decade was when he was running low on Boss Orange, so that's one year out of the past ten I've got him something different.
>> No. 414310 Anonymous
16th December 2017
Saturday 5:14 pm
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>>414308

Oh, hang on, I thought the teapot and flowers were included. I think what I actually want is a teapot and flowers. The foot stool is great though, as I type this I've got my feet up on my coffee table.

>>414309

Parents are so difficult, I bought my dad an Airfix DB5 last year and he never even touched it, prick.
>> No. 414324 Anonymous
17th December 2017
Sunday 1:07 am
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>>414310
>Parents are so difficult, I bought my dad an Airfix DB5 last year and he never even touched it, prick.

I totally get this sentiment - I have bad news, you get the same when you have kids, too.
>> No. 414377 Anonymous
18th December 2017
Monday 9:17 pm
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New League of Gentlemen tonight, lads.
>> No. 414384 Anonymous
18th December 2017
Monday 11:16 pm
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>>414377
Was good wunnit!
>> No. 414385 Anonymous
18th December 2017
Monday 11:18 pm
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>>414384
The first 10 minutes or so felt largely flat; it only really got going when Pauline's scene started.
>> No. 414386 Anonymous
19th December 2017
Tuesday 8:28 am
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>>414384
We literally have an occupying army firing on unarmed British citizens and you think it's appropriate to withdraw into a surreal comedy. Shame on you!
>> No. 414402 Anonymous
19th December 2017
Tuesday 9:55 pm
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414402414402414402
If you think about it, a Chocolate Orange is the perfect murder weapon.

You can hold in your hand like a rock and an unbroken one is about as hard as it, too. If you gave someone a proper thwack on the head with a Chocolate Orange then you could easily smash in their skull and cause brain damage.

All you need to then is simply take it out the foil and eat it. You've disposed of the evidence.
>> No. 414404 Anonymous
19th December 2017
Tuesday 10:27 pm
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>>414402
I have never considered the use of confectionery as an offensive weapon, but now you mention it..

I reckon you could fuck someone up with one of those big Toblerone.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Toblerone-Milk-Chocolate-Jumbo-4-5kg/dp/B004INT01A
>> No. 414406 Anonymous
19th December 2017
Tuesday 10:53 pm
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>>414404
Won't the spacing be all different on those now and therefore be less effective at battering someone?
>> No. 414407 Anonymous
19th December 2017
Tuesday 10:59 pm
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>>414406
They'll just leave a different pattern on their face.
>> No. 414408 Anonymous
19th December 2017
Tuesday 11:10 pm
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>>414404
I picked one up the other day, they were in Morrisons for about £50, and it felt a bit to cumbersome to wield effectively as a weapon.

I want to try the Poundland knock-off version, but that would entail going in Poundland.
>> No. 414410 Anonymous
20th December 2017
Wednesday 12:15 am
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>>414402
Just gotta put it in the freezer lad. Then you can drop them off buildings and hope for the best.
>> No. 414411 Anonymous
20th December 2017
Wednesday 12:54 am
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>>414408
How do you have that sort of money to spend on a giant toblerone?
>> No. 414412 Anonymous
20th December 2017
Wednesday 1:20 am
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>>414411
I assume he meant he literally picked on up.
>> No. 414413 Anonymous
20th December 2017
Wednesday 6:44 am
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>>414412
This. I picked it up off the shelf, gauged its weight in my hands and then put it back.
>> No. 414419 Anonymous
20th December 2017
Wednesday 2:25 pm
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>>414408
I don't like Christmas that much to be honest - regularly threaten my family that we should do the entire thing from Poundland.
>> No. 414420 Anonymous
20th December 2017
Wednesday 2:30 pm
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>>414419
Won't they be closed on Christmas day?
>> No. 414462 Anonymous
21st December 2017
Thursday 5:08 pm
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>>414419
Talking of Poundland, they just tweeted this corker - going for a last minute viral campaign I guess.
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