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>> No. 416056 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 10:05 am
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New weekend thread? New weekend thread.

How's it going, ladmates?
Expand all images.
>> No. 416057 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 11:05 am
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It's mother's day this weekend.
>> No. 416058 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 11:15 am
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>>416057

Fucksake. Thanks.
>> No. 416059 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 11:18 am
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I had a go at this. My response rate approaches zero. I don't know if that's down to autism or to me being hideous. The stream of pseudo-rejection doesn't even sting, I suppose this is just how I expect things to be.

I still wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I've been a bit more deflated than usual since starting.
>> No. 416060 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 11:27 am
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>>416059
Let's have a look a your profile, lad. We'll give you some tip-top tips.
>> No. 416061 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 11:48 am
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God I hate that image. Life is miserable and unrewarding.
>> No. 416062 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 11:59 am
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>>416059

>My response rate approaches zero. I don't know if that's down to autism or to me being hideous.

That is normal it isn't you. I met my partner through OK Cupid and even I wouldn't recommend the experience. You need to not wear your heart on your sleeve and develop a thick skin to rejection/being ignored, because it will happen during online dating a lot.
>> No. 416063 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 12:03 pm
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>>416059
Don't take the lack of responses personally. Assuming you're a guy looking for a girl, it's almost impossible to stand out. I've seen girls OKCupids, and they get literally dozens of messages a day. It's hard to stand out when you're one of 50 people messaging her that day.

OKCupid worked out quite well for me. A girl messaged me first (which is surprising as I'm not much of a looker), and I've been with her three years in a couple of months. So it can work out.
>> No. 416064 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 12:13 pm
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I started playing the Discworld MUD again, I just remembered it in a flash of childhood nostalgia. To my surprise, my character still exists.

It's still sort of going. There's about 100 people on at any one time, which is a fair amount to still be playing something like this. I wonder how many more muds still exist.
>> No. 416065 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 1:15 pm
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>>416056
Having a storming weekend.

Got my new job offer through the post and just went for a lovely 9 mile walk over the heath. Back home to a sausage sandwich (not a euphemism).
>> No. 416066 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 1:19 pm
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>>416059
I've had an account for 5 years. I'm a hideous autist, so I don't even know why I try.
>> No. 416067 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 1:30 pm
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>>416064
Ah that fucking thing. It's too complex to get my head round. I joined the Thieves Guild and tried to steal things but just ended up getting killed by NPCs all the time, and levelling up was far too slow. So I packed it in.
>> No. 416068 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 3:28 pm
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>>416059

Didn't they change it so that users could only see your messages if they'd 'liked' you first? Perhaps that's why your response rate is so low - they're not seeing your messages.
>> No. 416069 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 3:45 pm
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>>416059>>416066

Online dating is absolutely toxic. It creates the illusion of infinite choice for women. It desensitises men to rejection and turns them into cynical dickpic spammers. It frames your romantic and sexual life as a tedious numbers game, about as exciting as being a social media strategist for a company with one employee.

My only advice is to get off it as soon as possible and work on being more social in real life. Get a job you're genuinely interested in, volunteer, find a hobby. The actual struggle to finding satisfying relationships is building a satisfying life. You'll meet likeminded people in the process.

>>416061

It makes me picture the manchild that drew it having a good day, like they've just captured an ultrashiny Charizard in Pokemon Go or something.
>> No. 416070 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 3:58 pm
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>>416067

It's one of those that you need to constantly ask people how to do stuff at the start, or wiki everything. You have to spend days working out how the levelling systems work, and once you do you can fly through it, but it's definitely rough at the start. As I learned the ropes as a bored youth it was great, but I can't imagine anyone wanting to put that sort of time in now.

It was amazing how many people are still playing that I remember from nearly a decade ago.
>> No. 416071 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 7:02 pm
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I've been trying out Fortnite but I really don't see what the fuss is about; I think the only thing going for it is that it's quite cartoony so parents won't mind their kids playing it as it doesn't seem overly violent.
>> No. 416072 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 7:31 pm
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I have no intention of ever using online dating. I imagine only the dregs of society use it, male or female, and whilst I may be one of those, I do not want to find the corresponding me of the opposite sex.
>> No. 416073 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 7:37 pm
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>>416072

You might have been right a decade ago but it's very normalised now, and even tinder has become a more socially acceptable way to find a shag than even trying to pull in a club.
>> No. 416074 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 7:50 pm
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>>416071
People like it so much because it's fun and isn't buggy, with practically no cheaters. China is also region locked (I think this sells it for most).

All issues PUBG has, which is why it is bleeding players so quickly. No one wants to play against Chinks using hacks. I get that over there, culturally, they don't see an issue with cheating and if everyone is doing it no one is. Introducing those players into the international servers was a recipe for disaster that hasn't been resolved by ping based match making. There are still Chinese lads with 400 ping and invincibility shooting through cover.
>> No. 416075 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 9:19 pm
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>>416074
It's largely just me, as I prefer shooters where you respawn over battle royale type games, but the accuracy of the aiming leaves a fair bit to be desired and there's much of a muchness between the weapons.
>> No. 416076 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 10:05 pm
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"The British" might the daftest fucking show I've ever seen.
>> No. 416077 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 10:17 pm
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I just made an OKCupid account because I found the gay-for-pay porn star JJ Swift AKA Fratmen Jonah on there and it wouldn't let me look at his details with no account. I said I was female, late 30s, put no photo and I think it made me write a brief description of myself and I wrote ".", that looks like a strange emoticon, I mean just dot.

I got bombarded with messages from nearby guys. I deleted the account.
>> No. 416078 Anonymous
10th March 2018
Saturday 10:48 pm
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>>416077
You utter cocktease.
>> No. 416079 Anonymous
11th March 2018
Sunday 4:02 am
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>>416071
The fuss about Fortnite is that its been available on PS4 for ages and is way less buggy than PUBG. You're entirely right, my kids fucking love it.
>> No. 416082 Anonymous
11th March 2018
Sunday 8:47 am
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>>416077
How pathetically desperate. For a start I wouldn't contact a profile with no photo - how I would I even know if I was attracted to her?
>> No. 416084 Anonymous
11th March 2018
Sunday 12:02 pm
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>>416082
The ladmate doth protest too much, if you know what I mean.
>> No. 416085 Anonymous
11th March 2018
Sunday 12:07 pm
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>>416082
Any hole's a goal, lad.
>> No. 416086 Anonymous
11th March 2018
Sunday 1:41 pm
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>>416084
I don't.
>> No. 416087 Anonymous
11th March 2018
Sunday 7:29 pm
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You forget just how God awful Windows 8 was, but it really is the kind of shite to make a man wind up in a true crime podcast.
>> No. 416088 Anonymous
11th March 2018
Sunday 8:01 pm
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I'm trying to convince my friend to apply for the Civil Service Fast Track apprenticeship scheme but she seems to think it's beneath her.

Technically she is eligible to apply for the Fast Stream (graduate scheme) as she has a degree. However, she applied for that five years ago, made it to Whitehall but was unsuccessful and all she's done in the time since is about one year of low level admin work in between squeezing out kids.

I've tried hinting that someone with a sociology degree who has spent most of the time since graduating not working isn't going to be in high demand in the job market, but she's seen the word "apprenticeship" and thinks she's overqualified and the only benefit at the end of the scheme is being eligible for the Fast Stream whereas it'd mean she'd be able to get her foot in the door and the pay isn't too bad.

I don't know how else to reason to her. Are most graduates a bit entitled, even if their degree is a bit Mickey Mouse and they haven't been able to secure a decent job?
>> No. 416089 Anonymous
11th March 2018
Sunday 8:07 pm
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>>416088

Doesn't really sound like your problem mate. It seems like she's happy doing what she's doing, unless she's expressed otherwise and you haven't mentioned it here.

Is it as shite paying as most apprenticeships?

I personally couldn't think of anything more abhorrent than being a civil servant, so maybe that's it. It's not exactly glamorous, and if she's not that bothered career wise then she has little reason to go through that.
>> No. 416090 Anonymous
11th March 2018
Sunday 8:16 pm
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>>416089
The website hasn't been updated since last year, but that says the starting salary is between £19,500 and £27,000.

She wants to be a social researcher, but she doesn't really seem that switched on about making that into a career; my logic is that the apprenticeship scheme would get her foot in the door with the civil service and then she'd have to opportunity to apply for any internal vacancies
>> No. 416091 Anonymous
11th March 2018
Sunday 9:04 pm
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>>416087

I thought it was fine with Classic Shell, and after you stop it doing that thing of clumping everything up on the taskbar, and stop it showing zip files as folders in the tree view, and stop it snapping things to the edge of the screen, and some tweaks to stop it being annoying with graphics tablets. I agree it was unbearable prior to that.
>> No. 416092 Anonymous
11th March 2018
Sunday 9:28 pm
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>>416091

Exactly! It's like buying a brand new Ford Fiesta and realising you need the Red Bull F1 pit crew to get it to stop doing loopty loops!
>> No. 416093 Anonymous
12th March 2018
Monday 1:19 am
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>>416091
8 is just a fucking ballache, OS is supposed to be plug and play with minor tweaking like manufacturer's drivers not downloading a new shell from a dodgy Indian software engineer's hastily cobbled together webpage.

Ubuntu is easier to use that Win8.
>> No. 416098 Anonymous
12th March 2018
Monday 10:24 am
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>>416093

>Ubuntu is easier to use than Win8

Ubuntu is easy to use full stop, though. It's got an app store and everything.
>> No. 416422 Anonymous
23rd March 2018
Friday 7:41 pm
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Went for a wander around Toys R Us earlier. I'm guessing all of the good loot as already been taken as almost the entire video games section had been cleared.

Being in there reminded me of vultures picking over a carcass.
>> No. 416427 Anonymous
23rd March 2018
Friday 11:51 pm
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There's an interesting movie on Channel4 in 25 minutes. "The Net" with Sandra Bullock, from 1995.

On the face of it, it's a naive mish mash of dawn of the Internet age semi-tall tales about what computers couldn't quite yet actually do on the one hand, and the dumbing down of computer technology to appeal to the average viewer who was expecting a low-brow popcorn cinema spy thriller on the other hand. But it's not without its merits because it asks certain questions about data privacy and security a few years before their time.

A document of its age, when the possibilities of the Internet seemed as endless in theory as they were limited in practice.
>> No. 416956 Anonymous
12th April 2018
Thursday 8:20 pm
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classic, already for the heroes of movies fun shooting an Apple on the head


>> No. 416957 Anonymous
12th April 2018
Thursday 8:26 pm
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>>416956
Whoa, I think the new YouTube embed code is a bit wonky.
>> No. 416965 Anonymous
12th April 2018
Thursday 10:30 pm
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>>416956 >>416957
You can hardly expect me to have accounted for people attaching images.
>> No. 416975 Anonymous
13th April 2018
Friday 1:42 pm
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>>416965
What do you do for a living, again?
>> No. 416976 Anonymous
13th April 2018
Friday 2:04 pm
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>>416975
I'm a software tester.
>> No. 417008 Anonymous
13th April 2018
Friday 7:56 pm
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>>416965
I quite like it.
>> No. 417012 Anonymous
13th April 2018
Friday 8:58 pm
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>>416056
No plans. I need to sort that before tomorrow. Something in London maybe. Had a cider on a park bench this evening, which is way off-piste for me.
>> No. 417026 Anonymous
13th April 2018
Friday 10:10 pm
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I will be doing fuck all this weekend. Just sitting on my sofa watching TV and playing video games. and the odd wank between rounds
>> No. 417032 Anonymous
14th April 2018
Saturday 4:03 am
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>>417012

I recently went for a couple of cans with my pals on the beach, and when the british weather kicked in we retreated to the park. There's something about drinking in the park nature, in the sun, with some friends that made it great.

I'm sure anyone else looking at us was thinking of Broken Britain though.
>> No. 417036 Anonymous
14th April 2018
Saturday 2:01 pm
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Going to buy some bread and a Curly Wurly. God, I love bread and Curly Wurlys.
>> No. 417039 Anonymous
14th April 2018
Saturday 4:13 pm
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>>417032

I always found it odd that sitting on a blanket with two friends and drink a few cans and you're having summer fun, sit on a bench with a friend 10 yards away and do the same thing and you're a pair of fucking jakies. I'll never get the dichotomy. one of the purest examples of form over function.
>> No. 417040 Anonymous
14th April 2018
Saturday 4:22 pm
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>>417039

It's the perceived frequency of each.

A picnic type thing maybe happens a couple of times a year, but you'd assume the jakies on the bench are there every day. That may not be true, but it's how it looks.

Though if I saw someone every day down the beach on their blanket I'd still assume they were homeless.
>> No. 417050 Anonymous
14th April 2018
Saturday 10:33 pm
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Watching 8 Out Of 10 Cunts Cats Does Countdown.

Did any of you lads ever notice that Rachel Riley, despite her Oxford maths degree, has really quite a dumb laugh? When she laughs, she reminds me of an (equally blonde) ex girlfriend who was really kind of dumb as a door knob and very nearly had the same laugh.

I would still wreck her from here to next Tuesday IYKWIM
>> No. 417054 Anonymous
14th April 2018
Saturday 11:10 pm
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I bought a wedge of gorgonzola because it was reduced to about 70p in Co-op. Would it work as a lasagna topping? I'm not entirely sure what to do with it.
>> No. 417055 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 2:52 am
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>>417050

She looks like the final pokemon style evolution of the kind of lass who drinks cheap sparkling wine in an All Bar One after work with the other girls from her office, who are all called Becky, all have 30+ stamps in their passport, and yet none of them have any idea of what they're even trying to do with their lives.

I'd still beat her arse with a table tennis bat until it was as marple as the speculumed anal cavity I was filling with scrabble tiles and piss. "Fart you fucking whore, now make a five letter world out of that or I'm putting the Richard Whiteley mask back on".

Anyway, yes, lovely filly and all that.

>>417054

Blue cheese is already off. It's blue because of fungus. Just keep eating it. If anything that looks like real proper penicillin mold crops up then just chop that bit off and keep going. Do you realize how long things like Jamon Serrano and Dutch Cheese wheels are aged for? Years mate. A few days over the arbitrary H&S 'best before' date isn't going to kill you. Let us know if you need to us to call you an ambulance ffs.
>> No. 417057 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 3:25 am
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>>417054

Idiot who just jumped the gun and posted here.

If you're looking for things to do with it period, not how to use it up because it's best before date is coming up, I have the following suggestions:

- Banging cheese sauce; Cauliflower cheese, butterflied chicken breasts filled with gorgonzola slices and wrapped in parma ham before going in the oven

- mix 10-15% gorgonzola (so 100mg mince to 15g cheese for a standard 1/4 lbr) into your mince for a fantastic cheeky wee burger if that's your thing. Avoid over saucing the rest., maybe a wee bit of mayonnaise if you swing that way on top of the bottom-bun protective lettuce. Thinly sliced avocado as your top dressing. Perfecto my man.

- If you can't be fucked doing anything else either get a decent box of crackers and eat the fucking stuff or use it as lube up the missus' box. Then make a sandwich out of that. You dirty fuck.

Sage for obvious reasons.
>> No. 417059 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 6:40 am
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>>417055

Are you the lad who made the Danny Dyer Olympics post five years back? Please post more descriptive writing as I would read again.
>> No. 417061 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 10:51 am
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>>417055

>Blue cheese is already off. It's blue because of fungus. Just keep eating it. If anything that looks like real proper penicillin mold crops up then just chop that bit off and keep going. Do you realize how long things like Jamon Serrano and Dutch Cheese wheels are aged for? Years mate. A few days over the arbitrary H&S 'best before' date isn't going to kill you. Let us know if you need to us to call you an ambulance ffs.

This is one of my favourite ways in which I like to "awaken" people. You know, like, bring them out of their sheeple Matrix slumber and realise how the world lies to them constantly.

You don't need acid or dreds to start thinking outside the box, you just need to pose the simple conundrum of why a lump of chorizo goes off in three days when it's in your fridge at home instead of hung up in the shed it had been in for weeks prior. Then their eyes are opened and they realise how Big Fridge has been putting food-perishing rays in our fridges for years, supporting the food industry by forcing you to buy more ham slices before they've even gone bad.
>> No. 417062 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 11:16 am
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>>417061
>how Big Fridge has been putting food-perishing rays in our fridges for years, supporting the food industry by forcing you to buy more ham slices before they've even gone bad.

Big Fridge is not a thing. Please tell me it's not actually a thing.
>> No. 417063 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 11:21 am
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>>417055

Going by Rachel Riley's recent promotional pics for autotrader.co.uk, there is an indication that she will age quite badly.

Maybe this is a bad picture, but you can kind of see where things will be headed for her.
>> No. 417065 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 11:23 am
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>>417062
Big Fridge runs all the appliance manufacturers now; Hotpoint, Bosch, Smeg, etc. are all owned by secret umbrella corporations which he owns.
>> No. 417067 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 1:55 pm
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>>417061

>why a lump of chorizo goes off in three days when it's in your fridge at home instead of hung up in the shed it had been in for weeks prior.

Simply put, moisture.

All cured or aged products are either kept dry or at a very deliberate humidity. Fridges are, by and large, moist and dirty, so food will sprout (unintended) mould, the fat will turn rancid, and so on, very quickly. If you seal everything in cling film it should be absolutely fine for a good long while.

Also, consider that a cured meat or a cheese is packaged right at the apex of it's freshness - that is, it certainly has been sat in a cave for about as long as it can. It's sealed in nitrogen etc and shipped off to us, where it might spend a few more weeks or months in storage. It will not age nearly as well as it would have hanging from grandpa-pa's balcony in the alps.
>> No. 417068 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 5:03 pm
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>>417061

10/10 masterful troll work. I thought you were agreeing me until you got to "Big Fridge"

>>417067
> If you seal everything in cling film it should be absolutely fine for a good long while.

Once something's open or a joint of meat is sliced it goes in it own tupperware box. Things like aged cheeses, aged meat, parma ham etc all do really well like that.

Another one that irks me is yogurt - if the yogurt hasn't been opened (and thus contaminated) then it's not really going to go off any more than it already has. When I tell people that yogurt and cheese are milk that's "gone off" (to not get into technical details) they look me like Ali G when he found that eggs came "out of a chicken's bum".

Sage for rambling.
>> No. 417069 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 6:52 pm
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>>417059

Sadly I am not he, I am but a mere try-hard compared to his brilliance. I do have my moments, though and I appreciate that you appreciated the post. Thank you.
>> No. 417070 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 6:53 pm
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>>417069

I also suspect he wrote this. I also sadly believe that he no longer frequents this site, or does so much less frequently.
>> No. 417071 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 7:46 pm
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>>417067

Don't listen to him lads. We've got a Big Fridge shill in our midst.

>>417068

What you really want to do is start storing things in a good old fashioned pantry, it'll last forever. My nan used to feed me jammie dodgers that must have been in there since the war.
>> No. 417073 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 8:15 pm
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The composite I had put on my tooth when I was a skateboarding teenlad has finally broken off and I'm in a world of pain.

My dentists helpfully rang me on the Monday before this happened to tell me I was no longer registered with them and would have to sign up with them again, leading to an automatic waiting list for work.

I swear it's like they can fucking sense the most inconvenient time for this shite.
>> No. 417078 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 9:45 pm
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>They have been accused of being unable to stomach strong alcohol, mild criticism and Shakespearean tragedies. But it would appear many “snowflake” millennials also cannot handle a more fundamental aspect of daily life: raw meat.

>Next month Sainsbury’s will introduce packaging that allows consumers to put chicken pieces directly into a frying pan without having to touch them. The supermarket chain said the plastic pouches, or “doypacks”, as the packaging industry calls them, have been developed as a direct response to consumers under the age of 35 who say they do not like coming into contact with raw meat.

>Katherine Hall, product development manager for meat, fish and poultry at Sainsbury’s, said: “Customers, particularly younger ones, are quite scared of touching raw meat. These bags allow people, especially those who are time-poor, to just ‘rip and tip’ the meat straight into the frying pan without touching it.”

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/squeamish-millennial-cooks-get-touch-free-meat-t26skqf9l

BIG FRIDGE STRIKES AGAIN
>> No. 417079 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 10:05 pm
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>>417078
Where can I download a copy of your manifesto?
>> No. 417080 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 10:07 pm
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>>417078
On the less hyperbolic side, it's harder to cock up safe food handling when you aren't actually handling it.
>> No. 417081 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 10:12 pm
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>>417079
Think about it.

Big Fridge want us to be scared of sell-by dates and now they're trying to make it commonplace for people to be scared of handling raw meat.

Fear gives them power.
>> No. 417089 Anonymous
15th April 2018
Sunday 11:42 pm
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>>417078

I think that's a bad move. It likely won't catch on, but if it did, we'd lose any and all resistance to the common food poisoning bacteria. In a couple of generations we would go from 'makes you quite ill for a day' to 'almost certain death' for handling food.

Very odd. DOWN WITH BIG FRIDGE
>> No. 417090 Anonymous
16th April 2018
Monday 12:01 am
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Foodborne disease is still a major killer in the developing world where food hygiene standards aren't as strict. Here in the UK, salmonella and e-coli still kill a significant number of people. A relatively minor bout of food poisoning can turn very nasty if you're immunocompromised. The very old and very young are particularly vulnerable.
>> No. 417092 Anonymous
16th April 2018
Monday 6:49 am
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>>417090
We should rub small children with raw meat to build up their immune systems?
>> No. 417093 Anonymous
16th April 2018
Monday 7:52 am
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>>417092
Well we've witnessed how an attempt to immunise them from the radiation emitted by mobile telephones is likely to go.
>> No. 417094 Anonymous
16th April 2018
Monday 3:11 pm
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I went on holiday to Germany with some friends and some girls stopped me, asked for 'eine photo', I told them sure I'll take one for them, but they then said that they wanted one with me.

They giggled and shouted that I was handsome as I walked away.

All in all a pretty flattering weekend, even if I did have to pretend in front of my friends that it totally happens all the time and play it cool.
>> No. 417095 Anonymous
16th April 2018
Monday 3:21 pm
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>>417094
Awesome.
>> No. 417100 Anonymous
16th April 2018
Monday 8:23 pm
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>>417094

Interesting tactic. If I were a girl wanting to take pictures of funny looking freaks I'd also pretend I thought they were handsome.
>> No. 417101 Anonymous
16th April 2018
Monday 8:32 pm
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>>417094

A girl called me "dashing" on Friday, but she said it like "oooh, you're dashing", so either she thought I was a prick for wearing a plaid shirt or just struggles to express genuine emotion.

Regardless she got a VERY exhaustive write up on my primary Incel forum!

>>417100
>Jajaja, das Englische und Volkswagon kopf!
>> No. 417102 Anonymous
16th April 2018
Monday 8:40 pm
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When I was in Evian a few years back loads of Chinese tourists kept taking pictures with a black girl in a playground. I know it must have been a bit of novelty for them, but it's one of the eeriest things I've seen in public.

Why have Chinks got to be so racist?
>> No. 417106 Anonymous
16th April 2018
Monday 10:01 pm
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>>417094


I've had something similar happen to me a couple of times - once in Prague and once here. They were both a group of indistinctly european ladies.

I'm not sure if either I look like some famous Czech celebrity bloke, or possess some quality that is unheard of back in their country, it's a weird hen do challenge thing, if I'm weirdly deformed and haven't realised, or if it's an attempt to steal my wallet.

I wouldn't say I'm very striking either way, not particularly handsome or particularly ugly, so fuck knows. Someone once told me I look like a less fat Ryan Dunn, maybe they thought I'd risen from the dead.
>> No. 417108 Anonymous
17th April 2018
Tuesday 6:39 am
417108 spacer
>>417106
>some famous Czech celebrity bloke,

https://www.pornhub.com/view_video.php?viewkey=1070068586
>> No. 417112 Anonymous
17th April 2018
Tuesday 8:28 pm
417112 spacer
>>417106

Czech girls are really delightful. Very open when they notice that you're not from there. And a lot of them speak improbably fluent English.

German girls, well... I found them to be a bit tedious. I went on a business trip to Cologne for a week a while ago and got to sample some of the local night life (Cologne prides itself in having one of the best club scenes in the whole country there. Which doesn't seem an outlandish claim, but be prepared to meet many bumders as Cologne is also Germany's gay capital, with many all-gay bars and clubs). Anyway, German lasses will quite happily accept a drink from you and chat for a while, but they seemed difficult to please when you tried to have any kind of casual conversation with them. The kind of small talk we do in a pub here on a Saturday night when chatting somebody up somehow just doesn't resonate with them. And they will candidly bring up every single cliché about Brits that is known to them, for example that we have shit food (which they will know from spending a week in a two-star b&b in Brighton once), that young Brits can't behave on holiday, or that our women are ugly. Oh, and one of them also asked me why we're so shit at football. They also won't let you practice your German on them, and instead will put on their best MTV/youtube English and think that you will enjoy listening to them speaking it.

Czech girls, by comparison, tend to be equally good looking, but are a lot more pleasant to talk to, in my experience.
>> No. 417113 Anonymous
17th April 2018
Tuesday 9:27 pm
417113 spacer
>>417112

According to a German friend, west German girls are as you describe, but girls from the east are more like the Czech ones - and have a reputation for being easy, apparently.
>> No. 417114 Anonymous
17th April 2018
Tuesday 10:08 pm
417114 spacer
>>417113

I also went to Dresden for a few days once, the capital of Saxony, former East Germany. But we didn't have time there to go out after work, and only had a few drinks at the hotel's own bar one night. One of the waitresses, believe it or not, was a student from Cardiff, and she actually stayed to chat with us for half an hour after her shift. She did mention that she felt East Germans were a little more accomodating as a whole. As long as you stayed out of rural areas where they are apparently the complete opposite and don't take kindly to foreigners of any kind, she said it was a pleasant experience.
>> No. 417116 Anonymous
18th April 2018
Wednesday 1:06 am
417116 spacer
>>417112

Any girls from eastern europe, or at least in the general soviet bloc area, are a lot of fun. They're very open about what they want from a man, which is to say someone with a little bit of money and that knows how to use their dick. When I went to Hungary with my friend who was from there, he basically said they're after english blokes as they see them as exotic, rich, and powerful. He also said that all you really need to do is wear a Superdry jacket, as there were no Superdry shops there at the time, and they will immediately identify you as an international man of mystery - he wasn't fucking wrong.

Similar experiences abound in Romania and Czechland. They just don't seem to take themselves as seriously as the women further west, they have a great sense of humour and adventure and are a little bit old fashioned too, I don't think you'd see many Romanian Paul Joseph Watsons.
>> No. 417135 Anonymous
20th April 2018
Friday 11:01 pm
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wew lads, happy weekend. what's going on for you? I've no plans. what does a no-m8s like me do in London this Saturday for fun?
>> No. 417136 Anonymous
20th April 2018
Friday 11:03 pm
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>>417135
Go out in the sun, sun, sun.
>> No. 417137 Anonymous
20th April 2018
Friday 11:20 pm
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>>417136
Yeah, it's going to be lovely. It will be hard to have a bad day tomorrow when I can just lie in the grass and drink cider in the sun.
>> No. 417138 Anonymous
20th April 2018
Friday 11:30 pm
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>>417116

You mentioned old fashioned. One of the personal trainers where I go to the gym is from some Slavic country (I never really asked, but his name is Jaroslav, Jaro to his friends). And his girlfriend is from western Ukraine. I overheard him talking to a friend in the gym one day while lifting my weights, and he said that he'd just come back from Ukraine where he was on his first ever visit to his girlfriend's parents. He's 25ish and from seeing his girlfriend one time, I'd say she's about in that same kind of age bracket.

Anyway, I overheard him saying to his friend that his girlfriend's parents were kind of disappointed that they made no mention on their visit as to when they were going to get married and have kids. 25 appears to be kind of a ripe old age in Ukraine to still be single and/or dating. I believe he even said that his girlfriend's younger sister, who lives in Ukraine, had her firstborn at age 23.

But I guess exposure to our Western ways here in Britain means that people will also tend to marry later than they would in their native country.
>> No. 417141 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 1:55 pm
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I tried going to the park but it was ridiculously overcrowded and I left in 5 minutes.

I really need a car so I can escape to the countryside and enjoy the weather without hordes of people around me.
>> No. 417142 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 2:42 pm
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>>417141

You don't need a car lad, our antiquated train system ends up going to a few country stops wherever you are. Just get out and walk around a little, you'll be in Brexitland soon enough
>> No. 417143 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 2:53 pm
417143 spacer
I should probably be out enjoying the sun as well, but I'm trying to debug some Arduino C code for a project I am working on. My code stubbornly refuses to compile because it tells me that it can't convert a particular const char* to a const char.

For all its versatility, C tends to be excruciatingly anally retentive about correct variable declarations.
>> No. 417144 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 2:54 pm
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>>417141

Even in tiny villages they're all out in the beer garden on days like this.

Get a 4x4 and piss off into the greenlanes of a national park. Lovely stuff.
>> No. 417145 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 3:14 pm
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>>417144


>> No. 417146 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 3:30 pm
417146 spacer
>>417145

All too real.

I'm curious about them havin green Camel Trophy D90, though.
>> No. 417147 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 3:34 pm
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My car is washed, waxed, and the windscreen treated with some fancy overpriced rain repellent stuff.
Watching the rain bead off it is just the best feeling ever.
>> No. 417148 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 4:03 pm
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>>417144

That's a splendid idea but it would have to be a 4x4 that's fairly nimble and practical for inner city driving. Maybe something like an old 3 door Rav 4 or Pajero/Shogun.
>> No. 417149 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 4:28 pm
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>>417148
Suzuki Jimny?
>> No. 417150 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 4:28 pm
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>>417148

Despite being a Land Rover fanatic I think the Pajero is my favourite affordable 4x4. That or the Hilux Surf, but they're a bit big.
>> No. 417151 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 4:31 pm
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ba5241846c89623d82b317e9d18341e2.jpg
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>>417148

How about a VW Golf Country 4x4. It's essentially a bog standard MkII Golf, with all the advantages of its moderate dimensions, but with all wheel drive and around ten inches more ground clearance.

Highly sought after among collectors now. They never made RHD ones though, if I'm not mistaken. One of my parents' neighbours imported one from France ten years ago because he's always been a certified VW nut. Very nimble set of wheels, ideal for city centres, although the 100-hp 1.8-litre VW engine can feel a little out of its depth with the all wheel drive at times. Should've given it something proper, like a GTI 16V engine. Then again, 16V engines back then performed poorly at low revs, which is where you need most of the torque on a 4X4.
>> No. 417152 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 4:43 pm
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IMG_0717.jpg
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>>417151

I love these, and the offroad Fiats that italian farmers all have, but as you say, they're highly sought after. I can't imagine getting one for cheap. Yet any jap truck from the 90s still has plenty of miles left in it and a lot of them hover around a grand. I really want one of the V6 Shoguns despite my collection of old crap cars being unmanagable as it is.

I'll restrain myself from recommending a 300tdi Disco because it's just never going to be reliable, especially when we're comparing it to the Japs.
>> No. 417153 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 5:02 pm
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>>417142
>Just get out and walk around a little, you'll be in Brexitland soon enough

I was at an English Heritage property today and there were actually brown families there. I didn't know what the fuck was going on.
>> No. 417154 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 5:06 pm
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>>417152

An early 90s Suzuki Vitara isn't a bad choice. One of my exes had one. They're good fun to drive, although you initially struggle to figure out how to operate the two gear levers correctly that you get with it. So much so that my ex never bothered with the smaller gear ratio lever.

Still wouldn't want to own one though. Japanese cars are always kind of soulless. A Vitara is fun for driving around the block with your mates in the back with the roof off, but as an everyday car, there are much better choices.
>> No. 417155 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 5:45 pm
417155 spacer
>>417154

>So much so that my ex never bothered with the smaller gear ratio lever

You don't really need to mess with low range unless you're doing off road stuff. Even then there's not much in the way of challenging terrain in britain.

I know what you mean about Jap cars being soulless. They do performance cars very well with a lot of heart, but I'd struggle to tell the difference between the inside of most of the family cars and trucks they make. Even the old fun ones. I'd not recommend a 4x4 at all to anyone who has little to no intention of taking it off road.
>> No. 417156 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 6:00 pm
417156 spacer
>>417154
>Japanese cars are always kind of soulless.

There are exceptions, an old X-reg Yaris has tons of soul, although I wish I'd had the chance to own a 1.3L model.
And there are no bad Mazdas though (except maybe the CX-3, but I do have an irrational hatred of crossovers). It's worth pointing out that the success of Fords current range of small cars owes a huge amount to the chassis which was designed by Mazda back when Ford owned a stake in them.
>> No. 417157 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 8:54 pm
417157 spacer
>>417155

>I know what you mean about Jap cars being soulless. They do performance cars very well with a lot of heart

Well, yes and no. For example, I can kind of half appreciate cars like the Mitsubishi Evo for their raw power that they offer. But the Japanese way of building a car seems to be so much about achieving technological brilliance that something like a car's character is an afterthought, if that. They make good efficient cars, even ones that are good for a bit of fun, but that's where it ends.
>> No. 417158 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 9:18 pm
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271da6aa838585c0ce37b86b34a8fe96.jpg
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>>417157

I do know what you mean, but I find the 'space age' (at the time) cockpit style designs of the late 80s and early 90s very endearing. It's easy to say they just look like any old car now, but you need to remember that those designs were new and fresh at one point.

I'll not pretend a lot of japanese interiors aren't utilitarian, but they are in a way that makes it all about the driving experience, which I can't help but appreciate. Sitting in an RX7 or a Supra feels like you're in a fighter jet. They're not fancy by any means, but they scream 'drivers car' to me.

Maybe I'm just too much of a JDM fanboy to see any differently, mind, as I admittedly consider a K11 Micra beautiful.
>> No. 417159 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 9:55 pm
417159 spacer
>>417158

> I admittedly consider a K11 Micra beautiful

You need your eyes testing m8, it looks like a fourth-gen Fiesta that's been on the pies.
>> No. 417160 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 10:13 pm
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nissan-micra-k11-17.jpg
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>>417159

The fiesta looks like a sad dog. The K11 looks great.
>> No. 417161 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 10:16 pm
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>>417160
For me, the micra will always be the car that my mom drove when I was a teenager. It can't be anything else.
>> No. 417162 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 10:48 pm
417162 spacer
>>417158

>I'll not pretend a lot of japanese interiors aren't utilitarian, but they are in a way that makes it all about the driving experience, which I can't help but appreciate

You get that with most Audis or BMWs as well, plus they exude that Teutonic approach to technological perfection and Bauhaus design. Well, not BMW as such. BMW isn't Bauhaus. But they're still very much a "driver's car".

German cars are fucking expensive these days though. You do get your money's worth, if you are prepared to spend that kind of cash. But at least as new cars, they've become vastly unaffordable.
>> No. 417163 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 11:26 pm
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micra.jpg
417163417163417163
>>417158
I loved my Micra.
Died a death when a 44 tonne artic lorry took a dislike to it. Kept me alive though.
>> No. 417165 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 11:45 pm
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Bus_4fa694_979220.jpg
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>>417163

I don't know; kind of always seemed a tad ugly to me.

One of my mates during uni had a Fiat Cinquecento almost exactly like the one on the Inbetweeners. Well, it was mint green, but still.

Ugly as fuck, but it did take us places oftentimes when we went out partying.
>> No. 417166 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 12:01 am
417166 spacer
>>417165

It's never really looked good but I find it endearing.
I'd love to find one as a first car to knock about in when I finally learn to drive.
>> No. 417167 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 12:08 am
417167 spacer
>>417166

They're kind of shit though really. My friend's always broke down.

One time it was the alternator that had given in after just 40,000 miles, and then another time it stubbornly refused to start because the starter turned out to be knackered. Also after only about 50k miles.

The exhaust was also short lived, parts of it needed replacing soon after. A mechanic said to my mate that Fiat's OEM exhaust components on the Cinquecento were "made of tinfoil".
>> No. 417168 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 12:11 am
417168 spacer
>>417167

Fix It Again, Tony.
>> No. 417169 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 12:14 am
417169 spacer
>>417161

My grandad had one too. The K11 was mine, and a lot of my mates, first car, so I suppose that explains a lot.
>> No. 417170 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 9:33 am
417170 spacer
>>417148
Jeep Renegade.
>> No. 417171 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 11:38 am
417171 spacer
>>417170

They're shite and the cheaper ones aren't even 4wd.
>> No. 417172 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 2:00 pm
417172 spacer
I've had a recurring fever for the past week and a half. Any ideas for how I can make the most of this nice weather when everything feels shite?

Otherwise it's just going to be another day lying around in my room.
>> No. 417173 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 2:31 pm
417173 spacer
>>417172

Get a book, a sun lounger, and the drink of your choice. Read in the sun for a while.
>> No. 417174 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 7:51 pm
417174 spacer

syB4QAU_d.jpg
417174417174417174
What about a SsangYong?
>> No. 417175 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 8:05 pm
417175 spacer
>>417174
What about a colostomy?
>> No. 417176 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 10:11 pm
417176 spacer
>>417175

Both involve arseholes.
>> No. 417177 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 10:28 pm
417177 spacer
>>417174

I dread to imagine what her party trick might be.
>> No. 417179 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 10:42 pm
417179 spacer
>>417177
I know someone like the girl on the left. She got a 'boudoir' photoshoot done and they look utterly ridiculous, especially with the amount of retouching done on them.
>> No. 417180 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 11:00 pm
417180 spacer
>>417174

Broken Britain.
>> No. 417195 Anonymous
23rd April 2018
Monday 9:25 pm
417195 spacer

neverforget.jpg
417195417195417195
I just think this needs posting every once in a while.
>> No. 417203 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 2:28 am
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britain.png
417203417203417203
>>417195
>> No. 417209 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 8:56 am
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reservoir_plod.jpg
417209417209417209
>>417195
>>417203

I wonder if that lad who made this in 2012 still frequents Are Purpz floating mausoleum in cyberspace?
>> No. 417210 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 9:03 am
417210 spacer
I know it wasn't the weekend on monday I took, roughly, (numbers are hard):

45 mg of Clonazepam
32 mg of Alprazolam
105mg of Zolpidem /; Ambien

Along with five bottles of red wine.

Which inside forearm tattoo is more aesthetic lads?

DNR:DRUGSPROOF

or

DRUGSPROOF:DNS

Regards, mirror staring 40 definitely not teen edgelad.
>> No. 417213 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 11:52 am
417213 spacer
>>417210

What are you trying to do, kill yourself?


You will probably tell us that you are already dead inside anyway
>> No. 417214 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 1:42 pm
417214 spacer
Over the weekend I moved back in with my mum for the first time since I was 14. She definitely still thinks of as 14 as evidenced by her insistance than I don't like reheated Indian takeaways or carrots, which I suppose are things I said once as a teenager.
>> No. 417216 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 4:39 pm
417216 spacer
>>417209

Aye, that's one of mine. Although another, more sharply witted lad gets credit for the "reservoir plod" pun.
>> No. 417218 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 7:06 pm
417218 spacer
>>417210

>45 mg of Clonazepam
>32 mg of Alprazolam
>105mg of Zolpidem /; Ambien

I wouldn't mind your doctor m8
>> No. 417221 Anonymous
25th April 2018
Wednesday 7:39 am
417221 spacer
>>417218

He's 1000 snaps the biweekly then all the refills you can handle.
>> No. 417241 Anonymous
29th April 2018
Sunday 11:04 am
417241 spacer
Noticed yesterday that my nearside axle boot has become porous and has been leaking axle grease. I have to make an 80-mile round trip today to visit some relatives, and I'm a bit worried that worse problems might ensue. The left wheel is already producing rumbling sounds, which is how it caught my attention in the first place.

The car is a 2002 Passat. It's a straightforward job changing the axle boots (you always do both sides), but still takes a few hours, and naturally no shop that sells them is open on Sundays.

So I'm thinking about cancelling my visit to my relatives. They would understand. I'd rather not be doing 70 on the motorway like this.
>> No. 417242 Anonymous
29th April 2018
Sunday 11:18 am
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I was just out for a walk and got flagged down by a woman asking me to help start her petrol mower.
I gave it a good hard pull and got it going, but now I'm wondering whether she did want me to start her mower literally, or if she was asking me to bonk her in the shed?
>> No. 417243 Anonymous
29th April 2018
Sunday 11:21 am
417243 spacer
>>417242
That does sound like the beginning of a bad porno.
>> No. 417244 Anonymous
29th April 2018
Sunday 12:35 pm
417244 spacer
>>417242
Would you have?
>> No. 417245 Anonymous
29th April 2018
Sunday 12:41 pm
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I'm having a very restful weekend. Managed 11 hours of sleep last night, somehow. Today I am not going to mow the lawn or clean out the garden.

Going to read a book and drink red wine today. Good weekend.
>> No. 417246 Anonymous
29th April 2018
Sunday 1:18 pm
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dun.png
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Submitted my final report. It would feel good should I not have a viva, and poster both this week, and then 4 3-hour exams after that.
>> No. 417262 Anonymous
29th April 2018
Sunday 10:24 pm
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>>417245

I've got tomorrow off, so I am drinking some red wine here now.

My Tesco's had a good deal on Rioja this weekend. Still no steal at £6 per bottle, but lower-end Riojas usually go for around £8 as far as I am aware.
>> No. 417282 Anonymous
1st May 2018
Tuesday 4:56 pm
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copos_cheios_coracoes_vazios.jpg
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Well I got banned from emo for "gale for neurosis" but for the record I was on £25k + comission at 23, and yes that added up most years to around £40k. One year it was £48k. At 27 I was picked to head up a branch office and was put on a flat £50k. I knew people doing similar roles (but working much harder and traveling much more) who were earning £120-150k but they had certificates I didn't and could also pass a criminal background check and get Security Clearance and all that.

Anyway. The whinge: It's not the fact that I'm going to die alone in of benzo/ambien/opiate OD or my liver finally splitting that bothers me. It's the fact that the funeral they're all going to talk about how happy I was until the drugs ruined me.

They are honestly going to sincerely believe that it wasn't them that made me so unhappy that I turned to the drugs to cope. They'll live their whole lives thinking "why did drugs and mental illness take our lad" without ever realizing that they gave me the mental illness and caused by to turn to the drugs.

They'll never know it was them that killed me and that's what gets me. I can write it in a suicide note but everyone knows people on drugs and non-specific Bi-Polar write mean things in suicide notes.

Bastards.

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 417285 Anonymous
1st May 2018
Tuesday 5:57 pm
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>>417282
What the fuck are you on about?
>> No. 417286 Anonymous
1st May 2018
Tuesday 6:43 pm
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>>417282
Why do you think money mattered so much to you? I'm on benefits and have never approached your levels of dosh and have literally burned banknotes during periods of boredom and dysfunction. I just don't get the whole success under capital by its rules schtick. Am probably even more mental than you like.
>> No. 417294 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 1:18 am
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>>417286

Wanna play psychiatric medication top trumps?
>> No. 417295 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 2:19 am
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>>417286
> Why do you think money mattered so much to you?

I didn't, in the original thread I simply pointed out that as I made sufficient funds my missus didn't to make me a packed lunch as I lunched at Cote (before it turned shit, .... this was 21 years ago remember) every day.

She still made me cups of tea and made dinner, and helped me find my cuff links in the morning, but I still don't believe in love. I believe in a fleeting whack of dopamine and oxytocin which wears off in 5-7 years and leaves you either divorcing or living in a broken ice cream cone of a marriage if you were dumb enough to have kids.
>> No. 417296 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 6:24 am
417296 spacer
>>417295

>in the original thread I simply pointed out that as I made sufficient funds my missus didn't to make me a packed lunch

That's a ludicrous excuse to brag about your money. Could've just said 'I buy my own lunch', instead of a meticulous accounting of how much you're worth.
>> No. 417297 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 7:08 am
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>>417296
If you earned £40k plus by the time you were 23 you'd understand.
>> No. 417298 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 12:08 pm
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>>417297

Perhaps I did. There's no way to know though, as I'd not blab on about it on the internet.
>> No. 417299 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 1:37 pm
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>>417298
You might if you peaked at 23 and your life steadily fell apart since.
>> No. 417300 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 2:23 pm
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>>417298
Quite. You don't see me going around boasting about my 14-inch penis everywhere, do you? It's just unbecoming.
>> No. 417301 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 5:01 pm
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File
removed
>>417296

> That's a ludicrous excuse to brag about your money. Could've just said 'I buy my own lunch', instead of a meticulous accounting of how much you're worth.

Sorry boo boo. Substitute "A Tesco Meal Deal" or "A Bag of Monster Munch" if it makes you feel better. The lunches were obviously business expenses anyway because we'd invite a client, you mong. You think I'd eat at a Cote every day on my own money? No wonder you're poor

>>417299
"At 27 I was picked to head up a branch office and was put on a flat £50k."

A couple of years ago I made a bit of a celebratory post on here that I was technically an on paper $USD millionaire, because the company I'd co-founded in 2012 had been valued at $2,000,000.

The other day it got re-valued, because financiers want into sell our cyber tat to the US govt. Current (on paper) valueation: $330,000,000.

I almost fell out of my chair then I went on a week long Prang (prang is Bender with a capital B). I hope it all isn't just on paper money because I feel straight through a plate glass and marble table (thanks 15 years of judo for allowing me to fall correctly even though blacked out), broke around 20+ bottles of wine, fuck knows how many bottles of beer. I kicked the door in because I couldn't find the key. The Bender with a capital B lasted 4 or 5 days (hard to remember on these >>417210 kind of numbers ).

So yeah maybe I peaked at 23 and my life fell steadily apart since then, and drink and drugs and mental illness and stress and working 14-18 hours a day has finally done my head.

Maybe it's all down here to an early grave, maybe, but these these two little fuckers disagree with you so fuck you you and fuck yours.
>> No. 417303 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 5:24 pm
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>>417301

Did you just post a picture of your kid on an anonymous imageboard you deranged mongo? Jesus wept.
>> No. 417304 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 5:25 pm
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>>417301
Use all that money for some counselling, you evidently need it.
>> No. 417305 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 6:00 pm
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>>417301

Come on mate. This is an anonymous imageboard, money isn't relevant, and I could tell you right now that I'm richer than you, or that I'm on the dole, and either way all you'd have to go off is this post. It means nothing - and the thread you originally posted about your salary in had no bearing at all on the point you were trying to make. I'm not asking you to prove anything either, as I fear you might start screenshotting your financial information.

Anyway, I'd advise you to work less. You've already got enough to be more than comfortable, so reducing your working week by even a third would do wonders for you. Trust me, I've done the same. Take a sabbatical at least.
>> No. 417307 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 6:24 pm
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>>417306
Absolutely seething.
>> No. 417308 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 6:24 pm
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Christ, lads. Calm down. Quit playing silly buggers.
>> No. 417309 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 6:34 pm
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>>417306
I didn't think it was possible to be less self-aware than Donald Trump and Piers Morgan, yet here you are.
>> No. 417310 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 6:37 pm
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>>417309

Care to elaborate? Perhaps with examples?
>> No. 417311 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 6:40 pm
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>>417309

Hi Blake btw
>> No. 417312 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 7:11 pm
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>>417306
Watch it, lads. We've got an Internet Hard Man on our hands.
>> No. 417313 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 7:25 pm
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>>417312

I'm not an Internet "Hard Man".

I've been in the scene since 1999 and I don't mean those weak british crews like SWAT and Darkcyde whose idea of an exploit was to mass dial exchanges until they got a voicemail system then they 1234/1234 1111/1111 and so on to get and take over a voicemail box.

I ran with ADM, with 7350, with PHC (the *real* PHC), ~el8, All four generations of Ac1dB1tch3s (unless there have been new versions I'm too old and inactive for, but anyway).

And beyond what I learned in the scnee I've been working in infosec for nearly 15 years now, and I've worked under some of the best in the world.

If you wan to compare this to martial arts I'm about a 4th dan, and I am GOOD.

If I could tell you what the (for comparison) 8th, and 9th dans could do..... but I can't because I employ them and I'd be breaing NDA.
>> No. 417314 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 7:45 pm
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>>417313
You should try and lay off the drugs for a week or two, then read this thread again. Just a suggestion.
>> No. 417315 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 8:32 pm
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>>417314

Thanks, I'll pass your sugesston on to my (main) psychiatrist who'se god a medical degree and 30+ practice. Last time I laid off the meds I had to get taken to the emergency psych ward.

Perhaps I'll re-read this thread when I've got my doses right though, especialy the Sodium valproate.

PS: it's a record guys - I only cried 7 times today so far and even laughed once even though it was schadenfreudical.
>> No. 417316 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 9:22 pm
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>>417216

The original artist (you?) made it with a not such a funny caption, and I suggested Reservoir Plod. So, so, glad we're both still here.
>> No. 417317 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 9:42 pm
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What a strange individual. He makes me nostalgic for a massive bellend's heyday, who by the way learned his lesson and sill posts here.

Anyone who has spent any time here knows the mods only ban people the user base doesn't like and report (assuming we agree); you moderate yourselves, we wield the banhammer. Leave the impotent rage for the people you push in the canal.
>> No. 417318 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 9:56 pm
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>>417317

Then I got reported for my ranting in the /emo/ thread which is fine. But a full all board ban for ranting in a /b/ (random) thread? That's a bit much.

.gs isn't my personal blog but where am I supposed to spill my guts, which board, or none? Is this a board for people with no mental issues and no wish to discuss those mental issues?

What about a /menk/ board that me and dogshit dave and emily and Black can all post on?

Or should I just fuck off? I don't mean this in a "I'm taking my ball and going home way" but I make a lot of good contributions to this board (or did, before I went mental).

In any case, know how much of a part of my life this board is when we're just having a craic..... I'll always find a way back on (Ask Eugene Spafford) but if you want me, collectively, to fuck off until I get my head sorted - if my stories of drug overdoses and 5 day parties to celebrate being an on paper 6-figure fucker, then I'll fuck off and come back when I'm well and I won't talk mental on here any more (unless you make a menk, we don't have a mental health board, just /emo/ is just mere teenage whinging half the time).

Anyway, esteeemed users of Britfa.... if you want me to fuck off for a bit, then report this post. If it gets more than 5? 10? reports then please may a mod post a message here saying "fuck off until you're well you menk" and that's what I'll do.

Kind regards,

Not psychotic break but non-specific bi-polar (they don't know if it's type 1 or 2) with paranoia lad.
>> No. 417319 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 10:01 pm
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I don't understand what's going on.
>> No. 417320 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 10:08 pm
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The endless references to the glorious past of six figures not to mention being a 1337 hax0r combined with bad tempered ranting and tendency to say things like 'dolescum' make for a strange mix of the deeply annoying and the genuinely pitiful. Where did this great success get him? It's a morality play of sorts. Give the lad a board of his own.
>> No. 417321 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 10:38 pm
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>>417320

Thank you and I apologise.

My bi-polar is causing me a mix of elation and deep loathing. Every time someone takes a poke at me I hit back with "dolescum" "sorry about your media studies degree". I'm being a cunt not just on here but to everyone I know IRL too. Hopefully the mood stabalizers kick in soon. Until then I'll double and triple check my posts for nastiness. Maybe I'm just taking cunt off s too far?

> The endless references to the glorious past of six figures

I think we got confused. I never earned six figures ever. I have two employees I pay six fifure salaries to. I never made it past 50k until I founded my own company.

Apologies for the l33t h4x0r ranting. I'ts just mania. It'll pass. I don't know why I even segued into that one. I'm sorry.

Where did this "great success" (NB: On paper, subject to aquisition) get me? On doses of anxiety and sleeping meds that my doctor accepts that I need but warns could kill me. I have to sign a waiver every time I pick up a script (and he only gives me 5 days at a time because I'm a suicide risk).

Working 14-18 hours a day.

A marriage that's fallen apart.

37 matches on tinder in two and three invites for sex (and two of them weren't even from trannies). But I'm too tired to even go out and pretend to build raport with a girl over a coke zero (third day not drinking AA) while we build up to a gutless, senseless, useless fuck.

But hey, maybe in three years I'll retire with a bucketload (or I'll lose it all to vulture capitalists or bad luck or a crashing market, or someone gets a similar product to market faster than i do) but £50 million after taxes would do me. Houses (ok shoebox flats) in London, Paris, Barcelona, Amsterdam, and Brazil.

I'd just flit around, sending my kid cheques made out to his grandmother because his mother is cheating unloving uncaring whore who'd spend it on prada shoes and her new toy boy while the kid goes unloved.

The last £5-10 million or so I'd just invest in a FTSE linked investment account and live off the interest.

I could always get a new job or start a new company after a 5 year sabatical (get my judo and bjj black belts finally, write the book I've been meaning to write, make the EP I've been meaning to do for years).

But all of this is years in the future. And by then it's too late to say "sorry son I'm off" because by then he'll be old enough to remember me and I'll be trapped in a broken catflap of a marriage until the lad's old enough to fuck off to uni.

You know, the more I think about my options:

1) stay in a loveless marriage and try to raise my kid The Right way

2) Rent my own place and try to be the dad who takes his kid swimming, to football practice, to school, to judo

3) Wait until my company gets aquired and destroy my kid's life ( I can't do this)

4) Just fuck it all and run at armed police with a novelty lighter pistol.
>> No. 417322 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 10:44 pm
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>>417321
> But all of this is years in the future. And by then it's too late to say "sorry son I'm off" because by then he'll be old enough to remember me

He 's only 2 and a half (well 2 and 5 months) but he keeps video calling me on my wife's whatsapp and saying "I love you daddy" and blowing me a kiss and then disconnecting. And every time he does I cry for another 30 minutes.

Shit. I'm sorry. It's over. No more posting none of you are my therapists and you don't need to hear my half /emo/ half /menk/ level rambling any more.

Hasta la vista britfa. It's been a fine eight year love afair.
>> No. 417323 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 10:46 pm
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>>417317

> Anyone who has spent any time here knows the mods only ban people the user base doesn't like and report (assuming we agree); you moderate yourselves, we wield the banhammer.

Bollocks, green once banned me for making a "cretinous argument". I doubt that as anything but personal / his idea of comedy.
>> No. 417324 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 11:10 pm
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>>417323
A cretinous argument? On Britfa.gs?
>> No. 417325 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 11:13 pm
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>>417324

It's more banned for than you think!
>> No. 417326 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 11:17 pm
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>>417323
Comedy bans aren't really comparable to banning someone the users are reporting en masse. It also comes down to personal taste. green can't stand 4chan memes, but I don't give a shit as long as they are posted in /zoo/. We don't have a SOP.

Getting banned for being a cretinous inchworm is a .gs tradition, though.
>> No. 417327 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 11:19 pm
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>>417322
You can post on /emo/ without being a gale force cunt, m8. Promise to behave and I'll let you back in.
>> No. 417328 Anonymous
3rd May 2018
Thursday 1:01 am
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>>417325

While mirthful, I was curious to confirm the "centipedes" meme originating well over a decade ago. So now I feel old so fuck you.
>> No. 417329 Anonymous
3rd May 2018
Thursday 1:30 am
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>>417328

I think the first image to be banned here was Pepe the frog, back when it was just the 'feels good man' frog.
>> No. 417330 Anonymous
3rd May 2018
Thursday 2:32 am
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>>417329

That brings back memories. I always used to think of him as the 'fetamine frog *snooosh* "feels good man". Btw and this is pedantry that you probably already know but his name was always Pepe, it's frome some comic or other called "Boy's Club" if memory serves.
>> No. 417331 Anonymous
3rd May 2018
Thursday 3:09 am
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>>417330

>Btw and this is pedantry that you probably already know but his name was always Pepe

I did, I just meant not many people were calling him by name.

That was a weird time, when people were just starting to call things 'memes' at all.
>> No. 417332 Anonymous
3rd May 2018
Thursday 5:24 am
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>>417330
I'm sure you're correct in his official name, but I wasn't aware of 'pepe' until the whole Rare Pepe affair in 2015 or so. Prior to that, in my otherplace days it was simply 'feels good/bad frog', coming in off the coattails of animal macros.
I'm sure memes will be studied one day as a historical source in much the same way we look at Punch.

Sage for further pedantry
>> No. 417333 Anonymous
3rd May 2018
Thursday 11:41 am
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>>417332

I find Pepe pictures entertaining, but that said, it's also nice to have a place where things are a little less teenlad like.

If you must trade Pepe pictures, go to 4chan.

.gs is more the cultured lad's board, which is one big reason why I come here. You've got people fruitfully talking about adult topics, and not just immature lads shitposting. Even the cunt offs are more civilised on here than on the usual image boards.

The price you pay for it is people getting banned without fair warning for silly memes or for just being obtuse cunts. Worth it though.
>> No. 417334 Anonymous
3rd May 2018
Thursday 12:13 pm
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>>417333
>banned [...] for just being obtuse cunts.
People being obtuse is a chronic rather than acute issue, and that's a natural reflex action.

Too warm for a coat today.
>> No. 417336 Anonymous
3rd May 2018
Thursday 2:09 pm
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>>417327

Dear oakey marple green ness I apologise.

I will no longer be a cunt on emo, ever.

If the other cunt starts something I will take it to /b/, and I will always check my cunting levels on all other boards even IQ.

However I wish to know why my post, asking why the picture of my son was removed, was itself removed? Removing the picture is... odd but removing the post asking why the picture was removed is just plain bizarre.

I have full backups of this thread and all threads btw for when marple falls off his bike and I have to save the day and make Menkchan.gs
>> No. 417337 Anonymous
3rd May 2018
Thursday 3:35 pm
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>>417336
>I will no longer be a cunt on emo, ever.

17 minutes later: >>/emo/26584

You're not very good at this, are you?
>> No. 417338 Anonymous
3rd May 2018
Thursday 6:45 pm
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>>417337

Honestly that's an 8 or 9 in my politeness scale. I did not use insults, I did not swear, I addressed the esteemed gentlelad as "Sir" and merely expressed a differing opinion to his.

If that's considered a cuntoff on /emo/ then I better never post there again in case I give someone the wrong advice and set off their trigger warning and have them LITERALLY CRYING because I'm LITERALLY HITLER.

although I'm fairly sure you were ribbing me, and I am to an 80% extent ribbinig you back. If you're serious though, then jesus wept. Jesus wept.
>> No. 417339 Anonymous
3rd May 2018
Thursday 6:48 pm
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>>417338
>Jesus wept

The preferred vernacular is "Christ, lads."
>> No. 417340 Anonymous
3rd May 2018
Thursday 9:34 pm
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>>417338

We're worried about you.
>> No. 417342 Anonymous
4th May 2018
Friday 2:59 am
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>>417337
>>417340

Any particular reason?

Do you think my /IQ/ response was unwarrented given that

"Please check the old pages for similar threads before creating a new one. Failure to do so may result in angry shouting."

is quite literally the sticky thread on that board?
>> No. 417344 Anonymous
4th May 2018
Friday 3:01 am
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>>417336
> However I wish to know why my post, asking why the picture of my son was removed, was itself removed? Removing the picture is odd but removing the post asking why the picture was removed is just plain bizarre.

Still waiting for an answer on this by the way.
>> No. 417345 Anonymous
4th May 2018
Friday 5:21 am
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>>417338

Your opinion ultimately came down to a throwaway joke about the literal rule, when what was warranted was interaction with the content of the argument
>> No. 417346 Anonymous
4th May 2018
Friday 7:21 am
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>>417345

So what you're, badly, arguing is that I should have disregarded the chap's disdain for the "first rule" of /emo/ (while I'll seen several bans on /g/ over the years for ignoring the "No reconstituted pork product in gravyry" "Joke" sign) and instead addressed his vapid, pointless, destined to be ignored comment of "She was already on a suspended sentence, then she started a fight with a copper? She's going to ruin your fucking life mate. Get well rid."

Ok, got the rules, I think, Your Neurotic Majesty.
>> No. 417347 Anonymous
4th May 2018
Friday 7:57 am
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Watch out, lads. Postmaster General's about.
>> No. 417348 Anonymous
4th May 2018
Friday 10:25 am
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>>417346

Lad. If you're posting on a problems page, they're going to have problems that they'd like solved. You don't need to quote the rules, as we're all aware of them; it comes off as anti-social. They've come for their problems to be solved (at best) or a shoulder to lean on. Your comment does neither.

I'm pretty sure an unspoken rule, which I'm going to write down as you're so fond of written rules, is don't be a dick.
>> No. 417349 Anonymous
4th May 2018
Friday 3:21 pm
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>>417347
He's not on "fuck off you verbose cunt" levels yet, so he has yet to steal black's crown.
>> No. 417350 Anonymous
4th May 2018
Friday 7:02 pm
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>>417317

>a massive bellend

You'll need to be more specific lad, there's been a few
>> No. 417351 Anonymous
4th May 2018
Friday 7:19 pm
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>>417350
It'd probably be more expedient to list the posters here who haven't been massive bellends over the years.

I wouldn't be on the list.
>> No. 417352 Anonymous
4th May 2018
Friday 8:04 pm
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>>417351

I'm a bit ashamed that I don't think I've ever been banned. I've obviously been too nice.
>> No. 417353 Anonymous
4th May 2018
Friday 8:05 pm
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>>417351
I've been nothing but witty and convivial, except for the time I posted some 4chan *copypasta* about eight years ago.
>> No. 417354 Anonymous
4th May 2018
Friday 8:08 pm
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>>417353
I can't remember why exactly I was banned for a few years ago, but I think it was drunk shiteposting that I thought was funny at the time.
>> No. 417355 Anonymous
4th May 2018
Friday 8:22 pm
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>>417350
It's a word filter. Think 30 degree heat and women who take it up the arse and bells should start ringing.
>> No. 417359 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 4:46 am
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>>417348
> If you're (SIC) posting on a problems page, they're going to have problems that they'd like solved.

So maybe they should start off read the old locked posts as pointed out in the sticky post.. If the sticky post is of no use then fucking remove it you emotive sticky clit.

At the end of the day /emo/ IS just the same four topics over and over again.

Maybe I'd write an /emo/ post myself, but I'd promised to spare myself the embaressment because my problems are about far more "I fancy a girl but I dunno what to do lads" / "university is hard I should have chosen sociology not biochemistry I never thought it'd be this hard" / "ugh I'm so bored and listless in this town and don't have the wherewithal to throw a dart at a map of the UK and just book into an air b&b".

> They've come for their problems to be solved (at best) or a shoulder to lean on. Your comment does neither.

/emo/ might be about helping people but you can't help people who won't help themselves, and people who don't even read the old posts as instructed to on page fucking one certainly aren't even trying to help themselves, they're just wallowing in the most fetid, recycled kind of self pity imaginable. Which is to say they're looking for people to agree with the decisions they've already made.

I remember a post where a lad was 22 and wanted opinions on living with his dad until he was 30 to save money for a deposit or a pension or a fucking crack habit or whatever people want money for.

Every single post told him he was wrong and should go and enjoy his twenties, and he replied to every post the reasons why he was right and they were wrong.

That is pretty much the quintessential /emo/ thread and should be archived, printed out, framed and nailed to wall of the shed (or failing that Green's fucking forehead, preferably with a six inch nail).

> I'm pretty sure an unspoken rule, which I'm going to write down as you're so fond of written rules, is don't be a dick.

So here's a rule for you: buy a book entitled 12 steps to not being a cunt and stop being the worst, most pathetic, self-entitled cock-mongler that any imageboard has ever seen ever.

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 417361 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 6:14 am
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IT'S BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND.

LET'S TURN IT INTO UTTER WANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND.

BY BEING YEASTY CUNTS.
>> No. 417363 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 6:34 am
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>>417361
The weekend started early for some.

>All lanes open on the A500 northbound between A519 and A34 near Stoke-on-Trent (south) following earlier baking material spillage and what proved to be a difficult incident however our contractors rose to the occasion to clear it! No delays have a safe journey.

https://www.stokesentinel.co.uk/news/stoke-on-trent-news/live-traffic-problems-set-rise-1531981
>> No. 417364 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 6:47 am
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>>417363
> All lanes open on the A500 northbound between A519 and A34 near Stoke-on-Trent

My comisserations to all Stokies who were hoping for a wee excuse for a quick weekend getaway to anywhere at all that wasn't fucking stoke.
>> No. 417365 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 9:58 am
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>>416056
HOORAY ITS BANK HOLIDAY

Going to stay all in weekend and play PS4 as the kids are away and I can actually get a go.
>> No. 417366 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 10:28 am
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I'm going to spend this weekend doing work related stuff. We're in the middle of a big project, and I'm behind on a few things. So I will have to spend the next three days getting caught up.
>> No. 417367 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 10:53 am
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I've just rang up the bank and told them to increase my mortgage payments by 20%. Is overpaying your mortgage pissing money away? I thought I might as well do it now whilst interest rates are low so I've got a bit of cushion in case they shoot up at some point.
>> No. 417368 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 11:39 am
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I think I'm going to go and pull one of my bikes out of storage so I can do a bit of a cycling in the sun. The only problem is I think the only bike that isn't boxed up and shoved in the darkest recesses of the unit is the track bike, and I suspect I'm far too old for that sort of fixed gear nonsense now.

If I die of heatstroke please memorialise me here.
>> No. 417369 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 1:23 pm
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>>417367

>Is overpaying your mortgage pissing money away?

No. On a 25 year mortgage, overpaying by 20% will allow you to pay off the debt six years earlier and save you thousands of pounds in interest. You could probably get a better return on your money by investing the money in an index tracker, but the savings you make on your mortgage interest are guaranteed. Do check the small print - some lenders charge hefty fees for overpayments, nullifying any savings you might make.

It isn't necessarily the best way of using the money, however. The first priority is to have about three months of living expenses in an instant-access cash ISA. You won't get great returns on your money, but it provides you with a very important safety cushion. If you lose your job, it gives you the opportunity to look for a really good vacancy rather than taking the first thing going. It's slightly less important if you've got a very good credit history and can get a lot of cheap credit, but it'll still save you a lot of worry and stress.

Second priority is to maximise your pension contributions, because they tend to be incredibly cost-effective. Many employers will match your voluntary pension contributions, so you're effectively doubling your money. Under the Automatic Enrolment scheme they're obliged to contribute at least 2% of your salary to a pension, rising to 3% in 2019. Salary sacrifice is a good option because your contributions are taken before tax and national insurance is deducted, saving your 33.8% if you're a basic rate taxpayer or 53.8% if you're a higher rate taxpayer.

If you've got a decent chunk of savings and you're making the most of your pension contributions, overpaying your mortgage is a sensible next step.
>> No. 417370 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 4:29 pm
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I'm going to attempt to watch the the Women's FA Cup final. I watched the semis (oi oi) and it was shit, but surely this has to be better? I also had a dream Barcelona had a women playing for them last night and she was immense, so maybe that is an omen.

I'm also probably going to buy some lemon Liqueur and a bottle of sugar free bitter lemon and be a fucking ponce and watch Disney does Broadway, because my wife has left me and I need Disney songs in my life.
>> No. 417371 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 4:49 pm
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>>417355

Arsepisser?
>> No. 417372 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 5:03 pm
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>>417371

Not every apocryphal hero on .gs has pissed in a fat lasses arse and then broken up with her. Some of them just wouldn't shut up about how hot it is in Hong Kong and how dirty the women are. To be fair to the lad, he realised he was being a massive bellend so we could probably removed that wordfilter.

Sage for meta bollocks.
>> No. 417373 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 5:07 pm
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>>417370

>I'm also probably going to buy some lemon Liqueur and a bottle of sugar free bitter lemon and be a fucking ponce and watch Disney does Broadway, because my wife has left me and I need Disney songs in my life.

That is an extraordinarily specific sort of mid-life crisis.
>> No. 417374 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 8:22 pm
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>>417373

I hope that's not his idea of a semi-suicidal bender, because if so he and I have very different levels of vice.
>> No. 417375 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 8:25 pm
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>>417372

>so we could probably removed that wordfilter.

We can't just go around removing wordfilters mate. We need to just keep adding to them until the entire language of the site is some sort of weird shed-dweller's polari that only the three of us can understand.
>> No. 417376 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 8:50 pm
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>>417375
Ay up UB40, yeasty eskimos can't stand Disney does Broadway the Milican mingepants, rich tea biscuits too.
>> No. 417377 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 9:18 pm
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What time do kids go to bed? The kids next door are about seven and I can hear them screaming and jumping around on their trampoline still.
>> No. 417378 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 9:20 pm
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>>417377
It is a nice warm evening, and no School tomorrow.
Probably about half 2.
>> No. 417379 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 10:08 pm
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>>417321

You can add to my list of what my ' "great success" (NB: On paper, subject to aquisition)' got me: My business partner being so deeply worried with the potential possibility of my suffering an overdose or comitting suicide that he had the company lawyers draw up and file papers signing over my 50% of the company over to my wife and also to provide my wife with a pension to care for my son in the case of my death.

I'm not sure if this is rock bottom, but I feel like I'm getting there, even though I'm six days sober.

And I hope green has the grace to let this one slide given the sober and definitely sane (and some might say repenful) nature of the post. But I'm not that hopeful, tbh.
>> No. 417382 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 10:16 pm
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>>417380

>no longer gets changed into "genuinely hilarious jokes"?

Those bastards. I was proud of that one.
>> No. 417383 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 10:17 pm
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fisherperson daft militant wog eskimos are said to make good drugs men. If you ask the Sea Shepherd Conservation Society or militant trout farmers anyway.

By the way, how come "word filters" no longer gets changed into "genuinely hilarious jokes"?
>> No. 417384 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 10:32 pm
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Popping down to the offy now to get a few beers. That laplanderstani family running the shop must have made a fortune off me in the last couple of years.
>> No. 417385 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 10:33 pm
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>>417384

>laplanderstani

Now THAT is how you don't do a word filter.
>> No. 417386 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 11:21 pm
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>>417374
I'm more or less ambivalent about it. She was quite violent and I cracked and choked her out and she pissed herself so now I'm a monster. Fuck it, I've already dipped my wick I'm well on the mend. Disney songs just centre me.
>> No. 417387 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 11:26 pm
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>>417379
Why does green get the blame for everything? It was me, and you're fine. I'll remove your other bans, since I'm in a good mood and just won £100 by predicting Haye getting knocked out in the 5th.
>> No. 417388 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 11:30 pm
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>>417385
I mean, it's an opinion. It's there for a reason though, you missed the transition between britchan and here, most likely. There are tonnes of old wordfilters to do with religion and the Iraq war.
>> No. 417389 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 11:34 pm
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>>417387

Jesus, serious? Bellew? What the fuck did Have do, swing a hook into his own chin?
>> No. 417390 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 11:40 pm
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>>417389
He got outboxed spectacularly, best I've ever seen Bellew box. He knocked him down twice in the 3rd and I thought it was all over and was ready to cash out at £48, but Haye started throwing jabs again so I stuck it out. As soon as the 5th started I knew I'd won. Haye was blowing out his arse.
>> No. 417391 Anonymous
5th May 2018
Saturday 11:45 pm
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>>417388

> There are tonnes of old wordfilters to do with religion and the Iraq war

Right, they seem to be loosely centered around these themes.

But I still don't get why fishing related terms also get filtered, and apparently including a range of terms only vaguely connected to it.
>> No. 417394 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 12:09 am
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>>417378

>half 2

>Half Past 2

That's enough of that, lad
>> No. 417395 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 12:10 am
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>>417391
Fishing is just plain weird. You sit there for hours doing nothing waiting for a bite and then the whole climax is you reel it in so you can pull your hook out of its mouth.
>> No. 417398 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 12:27 am
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>>417395

Whenever I ask someone who fishes for sport why the fuck they do it, they always give some varation of "it's relaxing" or "it's nice to sit out on a boat" or similar, which basically boils down to they like sitting around near a river, which I've done quite happily for years with the paper or a book instead of a rod and a permit.

I've fished before to actually eat the fuckers and I understand that, to the extent that catching your own food makes you feel like A Real Man - I've done it with spears and everything. But catch and release seems like a wank without spunk.
>> No. 417399 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 12:29 am
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>>417395

If you actually mean the activity of angling and it's not just a clever stab at the F word (evading word filters too obviously can get you banned also, be informed), then I have to disagree.

I have been enjoying fishing since I was a younglad, when my dad used to take us kids fishing practically every other weekend. I caught my first really sizeable fish at age ten. It was a 15-pound cod and I was chuffed to bits. My dad's biggest catch was a 5-foot conger on holiday in Cornwall. It seemed fucking huge to me as a weelad.

I still go fishing nowadays, although I struggle to find the time.
>> No. 417402 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 12:35 am
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>>417399

>evading word filters too obviously can get you banned also, be informed

Can it? First I've heard of it.
>> No. 417403 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 12:40 am
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>>417402

I think it results in a temporary ban. I very vaguely remember getting banned for that sort of thing once for about a day.
>> No. 417404 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 1:08 am
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>>417391

It's just an attempt to cut down on the same two or three discussions that seem to constantly be active on boards like this. Whether it has worked or not is up for debate, but it certainly softens the blow a bit.

In short, we're attempting to remove the power of language from the great unwashed so that we might control your thoughts.
>> No. 417408 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 7:00 am
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>> No. 417409 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 7:23 am
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FOOKIN' PARKIES
>> No. 417410 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 8:17 am
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>>417409
I know right.
>> No. 417411 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 11:23 am
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>>417404

>In short, we're attempting to remove the power of language from the great unwashed so that we might control your thoughts.

Who doesn't these days...
>> No. 417413 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 1:24 pm
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Fuck me it's toasty
>> No. 417419 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 5:35 pm
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I'm 5 mins in all directions from some truly cracking countryside, but my phone's camera is broken and I missed some scenes. Went for a walk, Done 6.3km, seen a cow drop a sprog, took a wrong turn down a deer track and disturbed a herd(?) of them and walked past a guy wearing a Kekistan t-shirt and started chuckling and he gave me an odd look so no doubt I'll be the subject of one of those bloody random encounter rage comics later on the other place.

I fucking love a nice day.
>> No. 417420 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 8:10 pm
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I always forget how much better a sunny day makes me feel. I really need to move some place where it's always nice.
>> No. 417423 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 9:05 pm
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>>417420
Crazy isn't it?

It's amazing how the sun basically makes the little things that bit more satisfying.
>> No. 417424 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 11:09 pm
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>>417423

>It's amazing how the sun basically makes the little things that bit more satisfying.

Big fucking permonuclear contained radiation blast in the sky and everyone gets excited
>> No. 417425 Anonymous
6th May 2018
Sunday 11:53 pm
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>>417424
People get excited about watching science, innit.
>> No. 417427 Anonymous
7th May 2018
Monday 1:04 am
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A sunny day is just like every other fucking day, except now you can't pretend it's all foggy and dark and you can't see this shit things on the horizon.
>> No. 417428 Anonymous
7th May 2018
Monday 1:18 am
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>>417425

I'd big bang ur missus whn ur at work if you want some science blud
>> No. 417429 Anonymous
7th May 2018
Monday 1:41 am
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Any of you lads homebrew? I've started up again and this sun is ruining my lovely temperature control I had going on. The sun is goregous, until it ruins my beer.
>> No. 417431 Anonymous
7th May 2018
Monday 1:50 am
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>>417429

Get down to Hebden Bridge where there's a bunch of notblokes trying to brew something with lesbo fanny yeasts.
>> No. 417434 Anonymous
7th May 2018
Monday 6:00 pm
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I watched Baby's Day Out on Film Four earlier. They'd cut about half of the seen where the bloke who voices Fat Tony had his crotch set on fire. I always find it weird when TV channels do this, like when Jurassic Park was regularly shown on ITV they'd usually cut the bit where the T-Rex eats that man sat on the toilet.
>> No. 417435 Anonymous
7th May 2018
Monday 6:02 pm
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>>417434
>half of the seen

Oh, fucking hell. In mitigating circumstances, before the inevitable ban, it's too cunting hot to be able to think straight.
>> No. 417437 Anonymous
7th May 2018
Monday 6:04 pm
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>>417434
It's mainly because they have to get it to a rating suitable for the time of day they're showing it at.
They also sometimes cut bits out to get the play length to the nearest quarter or half hour including however many hours of adverts they have in the middle.

>>417435
>it's too cunting hot to be able to think straight.
Don't worry, I just spent 20 quid on a big fan, so I doubt we'll see the sun again for the rest of this year.
>> No. 417439 Anonymous
7th May 2018
Monday 6:45 pm
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>>417431
> Get down to Hebden Bridge where there's a bunch of notblokes trying to brew something with lesbo fanny yeasts.

Bastards making snide homebrew Millicano. The fuckers.
>> No. 417440 Anonymous
7th May 2018
Monday 6:48 pm
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>>417437
It'll be the timing, then. The film's a PG and the only inappropriate part is the stirring in my loins caused by Cynthia Nixon from when she was still attractive.
>> No. 417455 Anonymous
8th May 2018
Tuesday 9:30 am
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>>417434
The Princess Bride was on between 12 and 2 yesterday and they cut several stabbings and Inigo saying 'son of a bitch'.
>> No. 417459 Anonymous
8th May 2018
Tuesday 11:18 am
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>> No. 417461 Anonymous
8th May 2018
Tuesday 1:08 pm
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>>417459

I undertsand a few of those replacements, but the Big Lebowski one is stupid.

>You see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?
>You see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?
>> No. 417462 Anonymous
8th May 2018
Tuesday 1:34 pm
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>>417461

I think they were really taking the mickey out of that kind of censorship with The Big Lebowski, to show how ridiculous it really is. So they chose a deliberately daft line to replace the original one.
>> No. 417463 Anonymous
8th May 2018
Tuesday 1:53 pm
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>>417461
Some of them are done so that the lip movements vaguely match. The canonical example was Repo Man's "melon farmers".
>> No. 417488 Anonymous
10th May 2018
Thursday 3:26 pm
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There's also the version of Shaun of the Dead with 'fuck' replaced by 'funk'
>> No. 417508 Anonymous
11th May 2018
Friday 10:05 pm
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Having a few beers here at home by myself and watching the Techmoan youtube channel, video after video.

Really one of the best youtube channels out there for everything "retro tech". Very highly recommended.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtjqF70F5wI
>> No. 417511 Anonymous
12th May 2018
Saturday 1:13 am
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I've obviously seen the films, but fuck me- Monty Python's TV program is amazingly funny. I can't believe I've never actually seen it before.
>> No. 417512 Anonymous
12th May 2018
Saturday 3:23 am
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>>417508

He's great. I like that he has such a passion for this weird shit but is still very understated and considerate in his presenting style.

He's also very entertaining. I couldn't give two shits about obscure tape formats or audiophile nonsense, but he's so compelling I've seen pretty much all of his videos.
>> No. 417513 Anonymous
12th May 2018
Saturday 4:08 am
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>>417511

Flying Circus is their best work, the films are largely overrated except for being very quotable.
>> No. 417514 Anonymous
12th May 2018
Saturday 4:37 am
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>>417513

I realise I shock and enrage people every time I say this, but I've never found any Monty Python stuff particularly funny. I consider myself fairly eclectic and 'into' comedy, I understand their influence on almost every single comedic work that I do enjiy, but I just don't get it. I fail to see how it's that clever or funny. It feels like 'lol random' type humour, which I can't stand.

I've really, really tried to enjoy it, because I realise I'm in a tiny minority. I feel uncultured and stupid just saying it. But if I had never heard of it, and you told me Flying Circus was a student project that BBC Three passed on, I'd believe it.
>> No. 417515 Anonymous
12th May 2018
Saturday 8:50 am
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Lads, I've got a question.

If you say triple and treble then what's the other version of double? Treble is like the three version of double, but what's the two version of triple?
>> No. 417516 Anonymous
12th May 2018
Saturday 8:51 am
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>>417515
Dribble.
>> No. 417517 Anonymous
12th May 2018
Saturday 9:20 am
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>>417515

It's still just double.
>> No. 417518 Anonymous
12th May 2018
Saturday 1:07 pm
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>>417514

Monty Python was the result of a handful of highly educated stuffy university graduates taking the piss out of themselves for being highly educated stuffy university graduates. Their humour was on a highly intellectual level, and as is often the case with that sort of humour, it leaves the majority of people just scratching their heads (in a similar way that jokes about faeces and farts at the bottom end of the spectrum will leave many people above a certain level of education unamused). And in a kind of misguided hipster edgelad fashion, the members of Monty Python appeared to like it that way.

Apparently though, Monty Python must have shaped people's ideas about British humour as a whole for a long time. One of my exes was French, and she told me that her English teacher in France (this was in the 1990s) was apparently a big fan of Monty Python, and that they had to watch entire episodes of Monty Python's Flying Circus in English class and then analyse "the British sense of humour". Her teacher apparently still drew on that one year he had spent studying in Britain in the 1970s, so maybe he was still kind of stuck in that sort of antiquated perception of Britishness. And my French ex said that it was only when she came over here that she realised that the real Britain was "nothing like her English class".
>> No. 417519 Anonymous
12th May 2018
Saturday 1:33 pm
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>>417518

>Their humour was on a highly intellectual level

Was it really? I consider myself a fan of fairly intellectual comedy (dare I invoke ARE STEW?) and I still fail to see the cleverness.

I don't want to sound like I'm just being defensive about not being educated enough to enjoy it. I'm a stuffy Russel Group university graduate myself, so I feel I should qualify. But to me it's about as clever and funny as the Mighty Boosh.

Just about everything the Python lot have gone on to do, comedy wise, I absolutely love, so fuck knows what's wrong with me.
>> No. 417520 Anonymous
12th May 2018
Saturday 3:52 pm
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>>417519

I'm not sure there is anything highly intellectual about python either, the point is mostly to take something that has a perceived serious tone and reversing it. Judges playing on the swings, a boy disappointing his play write father by becoming a coal miner, philosophers playing football etc. I'm not denying the level of knowledge required to writer the line "Hegel is arguing that the reality is merely an a priori adjunct of non-naturalistic ethics, Kant via the categorical imperative is holding that ontologically it exists only in the imagination, and Marx is claiming it was offside." but the actual joke is that same basic structure of subverting expectation of tone.

Mind you a lot of the 'highly intellectual' stuff is shit humour anyway, James Joyce just made really crude fart and penis jokes that would make a school boy roll his eyes but it is burried under so much obfuscation we are supposed to think he is a genius.

I consider actually intellectual humour to be the likes of Terry Pratchett, or Douglas Adams, it is highly accessible, but the subtly in the word play and the setup and pay off is a master class.

There is nothing cleaver about inaccessible humour it is just telling a joke badly.

>But to me it's about as clever and funny as the Mighty Boosh.

Noel Fielding always struck me as random for the sake of random where as Julian Barratt I presume to have an understanding of set up, pay off and subverting tone.
>> No. 417521 Anonymous
12th May 2018
Saturday 4:32 pm
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>>417519
>I consider myself a fan of fairly intellectual comedy (dare I invoke ARE STEW?)

I'm a fan too, and yet the thing I'm starting to realise about Stewart Lee is that, even if you think you get him, from his point of view, you don't. If you think he was making a point about something, you'll find out later he believes he was making a point about something else. He has supposedly buried himself under so many fucking layers that he is able to take the piss out of anyone who likes his material. Which is, of course, just being a pseudo-intellectual tosser.
>> No. 417522 Anonymous
12th May 2018
Saturday 4:42 pm
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>>417519

> ARE STEW

And Are Stew "joke" is about as intellectual as a Peppa Pig episode looped 15 times over in various tonalities and with random skips added in, so you failing to see the cleverness of Python is hardly surprising.
>> No. 417523 Anonymous
12th May 2018
Saturday 4:54 pm
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>>417514

> It feels like 'lol random' type humour, which I can't stand.

That's because it was "lol random" humour before "lol random" humour became something so tacky and overused that you can't stand it on principle.

I still feel that there were more intellectual skits mixed in (International Philosophy, Confuse a cat, Flying Lessons, Cat License, The one where they're trying to scale some high street or other like it's a mountain) with things that were just plain daft. The stupid fucking animated segments didn't exactly help, either.

Comparatively, to you, would you consider The Young Ones to be intelligent, "lol random" or stuck in between?
>> No. 417525 Anonymous
12th May 2018
Saturday 5:39 pm
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>I consider actually intellectual humour to be the likes of Terry Pratchett, or Douglas Adams, it is highly accessible

Douglas Adams was a fucking genius. If you actually read the book "Hitchhiker's Guide", you often just find yourself literally laughing out loud at his style of subtle absurdist humour.

Just take a line like this:

“In the beginning the Universe was created. This had made many people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.”

Also, the whole business of "roads having to be built" in the beginning of the book when Arthur Dent is told to leave his house so it can be demolished is a pretty brilliant jab at Margaret Thatcher's 1980s motorway expansion plans. That is admittedly something which for all its brilliant subtle absurdism will probably be lost on readers today who don't have that frame of reference.
>> No. 417526 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 12:08 am
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>>417519

>the Mighty Boosh

Noel Fielding is a vastly underappreciated comedian.

I liked Luxury Comedy better though.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSH4NDeyqLg
>> No. 417528 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 1:19 am
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>>417523

>would you consider The Young Ones to be intelligent, "lol random" or stuck in between?

Definitely somewhere in between. I think it's because the chaotic parts are more direct and unapologetic, closer to slapstick than absurdism. The more protracted stuff in there like the sock having a fight with them I still don't think is great.

>>417521

>He has supposedly buried himself under so many fucking layers that he is able to take the piss out of anyone who likes his material

I see what you mean. He's set himself up, in his eyes, to be the all-seeing master of comedy, but as you say, wrapped in so much irony that nobody can really challenge him. Have you read his books? They break down a couple of his DVD specials, and they definitely paint him in a better, more transparent light.

>>417526

>Noel Fielding is a vastly underappreciated

He's very funny on panel shows I've seen him on, and I don't deny him being a good writer even though I don't like Boosh, but I saw a stand up set by him and it was fucking dire. It was the closest real life representation to the "holds up spork" copypasta I've ever seen.

Plenty of people loved it, though, so each to their own I suppose.
>> No. 417529 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 4:16 am
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>>417526


Sergeant Raymond Boombox is fucking awesome
>> No. 417530 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 6:53 am
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>>417526
>Noel Fielding is a vastly underappreciated comedian.
He's spent the past 10 years in a drug-addled craze coasting off the success of the Boosh. I don't call that "underappreciated."
He has a truly amazing ability to create surreal and unique visuals and characters, but he can't write for shit. The whole thing turns into a muddled mess revolving around himself.

The success of the mighty boosh was due to him and Julian being complete and utter opposites in every respect you can think of. Noel created the characters and visuals, Julian tied it together into a story, and it absolutely needed Howard Moons character to create a counterpoint to Vince. Noels work since has been so centred on himself that it's unwatchable for me.

It's quite sad really, because the quiet and self-depreciating nature of Julian that made him the perfect partner for Noel, has meant that his career never really took off afterwards and he's been reduced to doing voice-overs for insurance adverts (although I have just found out that Mindhorn exists.)
>> No. 417531 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 12:38 pm
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>>417530

>and he's been reduced to doing voice-overs for insurance adverts

Robert Webb does (or did) adverts. Stephen Merchant does them. Ralf Little from Two Pints of Lager has been the ASDA voice for a long time. There's no shame in voice over work for adverts.
>> No. 417534 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 4:44 pm
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>>417531
Yeah and the amount of money they make for a days work is probably more than they make out of some of these series. Don't blame anyone for doing adverts, at all - quite the opposite.
>> No. 417535 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 4:45 pm
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>>417534
>quite the opposite

Blame adverts for doing people?
>> No. 417536 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 4:53 pm
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>>417534
Apart from John Lydon. We should all blame him, all the time.
>> No. 417540 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 9:30 pm
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>>417534

TV ad voiceovers are astonishingly lucrative. The standard fee for a recording session up to one hour is £250, but the usage fees are where the real money is made. Usage is charged as a multiple of the session fee, depending on the size of the audience for the advert. For a one-off national campaign, you'd typically expect a usage fee of about £5,000. A long-running campaign could earn you another £200 to £400 a week in continuing usage fees for the length of the campaign.

You'd be a fool to turn down that sort of money.
>> No. 417544 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 11:51 pm
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Webb and Merchant are both punchlines themselves.
>> No. 417546 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 12:47 pm
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>>417544

Even David Mitchell has done TV ad voice overs.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jEk_F378weI
>> No. 417547 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 3:27 pm
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>>417546

I completely forgot about that advert. Brings back memories of a Skins inspired adolescence.
>> No. 417548 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 4:33 pm
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>>417547


>> No. 417549 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 5:49 pm
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>>417547

I know what you mean. I think.
>> No. 417550 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 7:00 pm
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>>417546
David Mitchell does whatever his missus tells him to.
>> No. 417551 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 7:12 pm
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>>417550

Even before they were going out too, what a catch.
>> No. 417553 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 9:36 pm
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>>417551
David was her rebound for years before they got together, she was horrible to him. He used to consistently pick her up, dust her off and wipe the semen from her hair and get her back on track and then she would fuck off with someone else and he'd be left crying himself to sleep.

I'm not surprised she wisened up, but I'm surprised he took it for so long and didn't move on.
>> No. 417554 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 9:55 pm
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>>417553

>I'm surprised he took it for so long and didn't move on.

It's cos he didn't have big enough arms.
>> No. 417555 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 9:56 pm
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>>417553
You know the ins and outs of this why?
>> No. 417556 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 10:53 pm
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>>417555
He has been quite open about it in the past, it's not a secret she messed him about for a while. I also know a lad who runs in the same circles as she used to at poker tournaments and him taking her back all the time was a regular topic of conversation. They thought he was a mug, which I suppose he was, but they're happy and have kids now so he was vindicated in the end for having the patience of several saints.
>> No. 417558 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 11:07 pm
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Victoria Coren was quite fit back in her younger days. She's gotten on a bit though, not as wankworthy anymore.

Then again, David Mitchell is aging badly as well. And his full beard isn't doing him any favours.

In the end, aging is shit any way you look at it. I was born the same year as David Mitchell, so I am qualified to speak on that matter.
>> No. 417559 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 11:18 pm
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>>417558
I just gave her a curious Google - I had no idea she was a international tournament-winning pokerist, in addition to a smug impossible gameshow presenter.
>> No. 417560 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 11:37 pm
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>>417556
> They thought he was a mug, which I suppose he was, but they're happy and have kids now so he was vindicated in the end for having the patience of several saints.

Does being happy and having kids with someone vindicate you for having been a mug getting played by that self same person for several years? I .... I mean a friend of mine wants to know.
>> No. 417561 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 12:12 am
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>>417558

I think are David looks much better now he's grown up a bit, early Peep Show era he might have looked younger, but also like a plucked turkey.

The beard isn't amazing but I think, like most men, he's improved with age, or at least weathered it more gracefully than his missus.

She smokes/smoked like a trooper too, that can't help.
>> No. 417562 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 12:41 am
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>>417561

I think the beard is just an attempt to appeal to the hipster age bracket, in a bid to stay remotely relevant for younger audiences.

As I said, I am the same age as David Mitchell, and when we were younglads, the only people wearing full beards were 50-year-old music teachers and librarians who had given up completely on their appearance. A beard was nothing you would ever aspire to.
>> No. 417563 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 12:50 am
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>>417562

>I think the beard is just an attempt to appeal to the hipster age bracket

It's probably more to hide his chin. Certainly in the oxbridge lot beards have always been a little bit more okay, too.
>> No. 417564 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 1:02 pm
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>>417563

His chin doesn't look that bad though.

I really still think it's a bid to appeal to 20- to 30something hipsters. Marcus Bridgstocke is doing the same thing in his latest adverts.

Those adverts are puzzling though, because to me, it makes no sense to rename somebody who has been known to every person in the country for decades as "Marcus" into somebody called "Dan".
>> No. 417565 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 1:08 pm
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>>417564
That's what I thought! I had to check I wasn't in an alternate universe where he was Danny Wallace.

Also before the nametags I had always assumed that the scruffy casual one was real and the nerdy sensible one was the 'data self'. I don't understand why they are the other way around.
>> No. 417566 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 1:24 pm
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>>417565

I guess it's meant to imply that people tend to be a little more sloppy with their data than they will project with their outward appearance.
>> No. 417567 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 2:40 pm
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>>417566
What?

The "data self" here is your credit file. You might want to learn of any recorded mistakes so you can avoid repeating them. For example you could have moved house without forwarding your post and then unintentionally fell into delinquency on a final bill. You'd regard yourself as someone who always pays their bills on time but companies would get a different impression. Or you could find out if you've been a victim of identity theft which until flagged up would obviously be viewed as your actions/profile.
>> No. 417568 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 2:47 pm
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>>417567

You sound like you were disagreeing with >>417566 but you seem to just have reiterated exactly what he said, but in more detail.
>> No. 417569 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 3:22 pm
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>>417562
>>417564

>I think the beard is just an attempt to appeal to the hipster age bracket, in a bid to stay remotely relevant for younger audiences.

Not everything David Mitchell does has some kind of very subtle ulterior motive. Nor Marcus Brigstocke for that matter, they're just blokes in their forties with beards. Also what the fuck is the "hipster age bracket"?

You sound thick as pig muck.
>> No. 417572 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 4:11 pm
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>>417566
>>417567
>>417568
Oh, so the message of the advert isn't 'If you have good credit your data self will look like a sensible person', it's 'your data self is probably already looking like a stupid idiot and you need to use our services to help get it in better shape'?
>> No. 417573 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 4:14 pm
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>>417572

Yes.
>> No. 417574 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 6:10 pm
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>>417569

>what the fuck is the "hipster age bracket"?

You don't see many people over 40 donning the hipster look and lifestyle, do you. I'm sure that will change as hipsters age, but at the moment, middle age seems to be a cutoff. Granted, eventually you will probably see hipsters in their 50s, the same way that there have been middle aged hippies and punks.

So then when you see 40somethings like David Mitchell or Marcus Bridgstocke grow a full beard at this point in time, I don't buy that they are doing it for anything other than trying to still be cool with the kids.
>> No. 417575 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 6:21 pm
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>>417574

I don't think simply having a beard is hipster, especially not the relatively short ones those two have. A hipster beard is typically very thick and bushy, not the heavily trimmed ones we're talking about.

I also don't think either of those men have any desire to look like, or appeal to 20 year olds. That's barely even their market - they're both on Radio 4 for fuck's sake.

Another thing to consider is that they work in media. There's a different fashion amongst that lot, regardless of age.

Also, there's fucking loads of middle aged blokes with beards, and there always has been, despite what you say. It's just about the only thing a bloke can do to change his look up a bit without being branded a wrong 'un, so it's not surprising to see men of all ages having a bit of fluff.
>> No. 417577 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 6:42 pm
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>>417574
You're chatting so much shit I don't even know where to begin. The idea there's some "hipster" demographic that just doesn't exist, Mitchell and Brigstocke having "full beards", or even the idea that those pair are what's currently "cool with the kids".

Nothing you say makes any sense.
>> No. 417578 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 8:03 pm
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>>417575
>there's fucking loads of middle aged blokes with beards, and there always has been

It was exceedingly rare in the 80s and 90s for men of any age to be bearded, although your confident assertion has me wondering if I have False Memory Syndrome now.
>> No. 417579 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 8:11 pm
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>>417578


>> No. 417580 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 8:15 pm
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Step it up lads, this is the most tedious cunt-off I've read.
>> No. 417581 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 8:33 pm
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>>417564
>Those adverts are puzzling though, because to me, it makes no sense to rename somebody who has been known to every person in the country for decades as "Marcus" into somebody called "Dan".

If I remember correctly, from something I read in Private Eye ages ago, the ad agency involved lifted the concept directly from someone off YouTube and were that blatant about it they didn't even bother renaming the character's name from Dan.

On another note, this evening I learnt the stupid way why you don't use an electric shaver on your knackers.
>> No. 417582 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 8:54 pm
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>>417581
I've never seen the ads (you know why) but seeing the screenshot above did make me think of Dan from
dananddanfilms. His The Daily Mail Song gets posted here sometimes.
>> No. 417583 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 9:05 pm
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>>417582
That's the one. Never seen any of the Dan & Dan stuff, but the Eye said they'd clearly plagiarised his work - to the point of keeping the name the same.
>> No. 417584 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 9:41 pm
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>>417583

Let's hope then that Dan & Dan are getting compensation for being outdanned like that.
>> No. 417585 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 9:57 pm
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>>417584
Not sure about Dan, but I heard Dan is trying to get something out of it.
>> No. 417586 Anonymous
15th May 2018
Tuesday 10:01 pm
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>>417585

Well, Dan has always been a bit of a twat anyway, I've always wondered why Dan put up with him.
>> No. 417587 Anonymous
16th May 2018
Wednesday 7:42 pm
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I've got a essay that needs to be done in 24 hours, as a sort of exam. Joke's on them- that's how I've done every essay I've ever done.

It's a bit quiet around here and that makes it difficult to procrastinate. Where are you two?
>> No. 417588 Anonymous
16th May 2018
Wednesday 8:01 pm
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>>417587
Where do you think?
>> No. 417590 Anonymous
16th May 2018
Wednesday 8:22 pm
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>>417586

DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN! DAN!






DAN! DAN! DAN!







DAN! DAN!




Er, oh, no, he mustn't have seen me. I'll get him later.





DAN!
>> No. 417592 Anonymous
16th May 2018
Wednesday 9:15 pm
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>>417590

Why do I always have to think of Danny Dyer every time I dry my hands in a public toilet.
>> No. 417593 Anonymous
16th May 2018
Wednesday 9:25 pm
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>>417581
>>417582
>>417583

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0W9B0ugzLzw
>> No. 417594 Anonymous
17th May 2018
Thursday 10:47 am
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Essaylad back. I've now finished the essay, and with that, I've finished Uni.

I've gotten some beer out of the offie (much to the dissaproving looks of the lady behind the till), but I've been up for nearly 24 hours and I feel I deserve it.

What do I do now Lads? I feel strangely free, but also a crushing pressure(?) Nevertheless, I've poured myself some Ron Jeremy branded Rum to remember how hard University has fucked me.
>> No. 417595 Anonymous
17th May 2018
Thursday 7:55 pm
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I'm bored as fuck, lads. I thought I'd enjoy some time off work, and I have, and I have a lot of hobbies, but hobbies just don't seem as much of a respite from life when they're the only thing you do. Perhaps I'm in the wrong mindset, perhaps I'm an unbearable workaholic, I'm not sure. I'm not really supposed to work until I've had my hernia repaired, but I'm starting to get fidgety. I keep looking at sports cars on eBay. I even briefly considered a boat. I don't know how I'm going to handle real retirement.

In a fit of malaise I applied for a load of ski season stuff today, and also started inquires on various premises to open a business, both of which I'm already regretting as I'm not entirely sure I want to do either.
>> No. 417598 Anonymous
18th May 2018
Friday 10:34 am
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We've got a bit of a zombie problem at work. A data feed got broken, and is sending new information about dead people that has caused our system to resurrect them. We've now got a couple of hundred "undead" on our hands. Working hypothesis is that something somewhere fell over and split-brained when it came back. They're recent deaths too, so a real risk of upsetting folk while they're still grieving.
>> No. 417599 Anonymous
18th May 2018
Friday 11:37 am
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>>417598

The zombie apocalypse is evidently starting.
>> No. 417600 Anonymous
18th May 2018
Friday 11:48 am
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>>417595

>In a fit of malaise I applied for a load of ski season stuff today, and also started inquires on various premises to open a business, both of which I'm already regretting as I'm not entirely sure I want to do either.

Welcome to middle age. It's just one long slog of questionable commitments that you only made to stave off the unbearable ennui.

I can highly recommend a boat, especially an old clinker. It's basically a big wooden bucket that consumes all your disposable income and discretionary leisure time.
>> No. 417603 Anonymous
18th May 2018
Friday 12:11 pm
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>>417600

>Welcome to middle age.

That's the worry, I'm not even 30 yet.

>It's basically a big wooden bucket that consumes all your disposable income and discretionary leisure time.

That sounds fucking perfect. I've been looking at cabin cruisers which seem like a lot of fun, and are also only affordable if ancient and knackered, which is what I need really, I want a project.
>> No. 417604 Anonymous
18th May 2018
Friday 12:26 pm
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>>417603

>and are also only affordable if ancient and knackered

You obviously have no idea what a knackered old boat can cost you to get into working condition, and then keep that way.

Even if you can do many of the repairs yourself, expect them to cost about the difference between your knackered old bucket and a similar boat in good nick.

It's just not worth the effort. Both in the short and the long run, you are much better off saving up money to buy a more expensive boat that has been looked after well.
>> No. 417605 Anonymous
18th May 2018
Friday 1:16 pm
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>>417604

I might have been using the word 'knackered' too loosely. These ones for 12-18k look well looked after, just a bit old. I'll still bear in mind what you're saying, though. I have friends who have sailed for years so hopefully they can help me. And mechanical stuff I can sniff out myself.
>> No. 417606 Anonymous
18th May 2018
Friday 1:22 pm
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>>417604

>It's just not worth the effort.

If you're handy, you have a trustworthy surveyor and you have the time to spare, a dirt-cheap boat can be a reasonable buy. A badly rotten boat will always be a money-sink and it's easy to go mental at the chandlers if you aren't strict with yourself, but you can get a lot of pleasure out of a cheap boat without bankrupting yourself. I think the wife acceptance factor is a key issue - you can make a boat seaworthy for surprisingly little money, but it's expensive to make it look nice. Ugly boats with cramped accommodation sell at a considerable discount, even if they're perfectly seaworthy.
>> No. 417612 Anonymous
19th May 2018
Saturday 11:28 pm
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>>417606

One thing you can always look for is repairs that would be expensive for other people, i.e. the previous owners, but which you will be able to carry out for a song.

One of my mates sometimes buys old cars with substantial engine problems which would cost the seller a fortune to sort out. He has repaired engines for well over fifteen years, and what he does is he fixes the engine, tidies the car up a bit and then flips it a bit later for a nice profit. His daytime job is as a trained HVAC technician, but I guess some of the skills are transferable.

You can save loads of money if you are skilled at potentially expensive repairs. Even on boats, I would guess. But don't let that mislead you into thinking complicated repairs can be done by the average layperson. You do need to have a very good idea what you are doing, otherwise all your time and effort might be for nothing and you will end up having to hire a professional repairman after all.
>> No. 417613 Anonymous
19th May 2018
Saturday 11:36 pm
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>>417612

This is exactly what I do with cars, so I was hoping boats would translate too.

I like to find cars with horrific electrical faults, as sorting out wiring is second nature to me (despite it not being my job or anything either). It's sickening what I've took off people's hands for scrap money and fixed in a couple of weekends. But even lots of garages will turn their noses up at chasing short circuits and wrangling wiring looms. Mechanically, too, even a cracked head gasket or bent piston might cost you thousands at a garage, but if you have a comfortable workspace and have invested in tools, it costs you little more than time and maybe a tenner to the scrapyard.
>> No. 417614 Anonymous
20th May 2018
Sunday 12:30 am
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>>417613

My mate just fixed a beautiful 52 reg MG TF with very serious head gasket failure. He said the seller told him that a former Rover garage wanted over £2,500 to sort everything out.

He bought the car for 700 quid off eBay and spent another 300 on a used K series engine, because on this car it was just easier to swap out the engine than to fix all the damage caused by the blown head gasket.

So now he has a pretty nice car for 1000 quid and a few weekends spent swapping the engine plus a few minor other repairs. It's probably worth £3,000 again in its current condition. He's thinking about keeping it for the summer, although it will probably be more difficult to sell in autumn.
>> No. 417615 Anonymous
20th May 2018
Sunday 10:00 am
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Are there any dating/hook up apps that don't require a third party account of some variety?
>> No. 417616 Anonymous
20th May 2018
Sunday 10:45 am
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>>417615

Tinder? You can sign up with your phone number.
>> No. 417617 Anonymous
20th May 2018
Sunday 10:51 am
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>>417616
That's a third party account mate and one that's more closely tied to your identity than most others.
>> No. 417618 Anonymous
20th May 2018
Sunday 11:12 am
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>>417617

Then buy a prepaid sim.

Does email count as a third party account? Because if so, I fail to see how you expect to ever find what you're describing. Even posting a gloryhole advert on craigslist would involve contact details.

Being entirely anonymous on a dating website would sort of hinder your chances, you realise. Are you trying to murder people? There are easier ways.
>> No. 417619 Anonymous
20th May 2018
Sunday 11:39 am
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>>417618

That wasn't the lad who asked the original question, but I am. Anyway, I just don't want to sign up for more bullshit to use some other bullshit, it's not about being some kind of off-grid weirdo. Not this time at least.
>> No. 417620 Anonymous
20th May 2018
Sunday 11:49 am
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>>417619

Well tinder is still the way to go in terms of hookup apps, all it wants is a phone number for login. Plenty of fish is just email as well.

I reckon most apps will ask for your Facebook login as it's a quick way to populate your profile with pictures and interests, but it's entirely optional.
>> No. 417621 Anonymous
20th May 2018
Sunday 3:55 pm
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>>417620
> I reckon most apps will ask for your Facebook login as it's a quick way to populate your profile with pictures and interests

There are still some apps (Happn for example) that still rely entirely on Facebook as their method of ID/auth, although I think that this will change if the Facebook exodus continues.

Regardless, as pointed out by another lad, asking for a phone number is a much more reliable method of ensuring your identity in any case.
>> No. 417655 Anonymous
26th May 2018
Saturday 11:57 am
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My town's Gala day is today and I haven't heard a single flute band, Scotland is changing.

I'll miss the famine song being unashamedly blasted from the hall at the end of my street at 8am, I will, honest, but it's probably for the best.
>> No. 417656 Anonymous
26th May 2018
Saturday 5:39 pm
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Weekend of stress, waiting for a tenancy application to be approved, so the bank holiday means an extra day of waiting.
>> No. 417664 Anonymous
26th May 2018
Saturday 8:06 pm
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>>417656
I just had a shitty experience with an application too.
Turns out the agency has a policy of taking multiple applications before choosing a tenant. It started with a phonecall after I viewed the property saying "we've just took another application so get here quick". I should have just said no at that point but I really wanted this house. Next I had to sign waivers giving them permission to give my details to virgin media, and to a company that would act as a middle-man signing me up to the utilities when I moved in. Again I should really have said no. Then I was told that my application was successful but I had to move in on the 31st or earlier (2 weeks away at that point.) So I drew the line there and said 2nd week of June or never. So they gave the tenancy to someone else instead.
>> No. 417681 Anonymous
27th May 2018
Sunday 11:48 pm
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Fucking dog downstairs was howling again the whole evening. That dog is a real nuisance. My neighbours downstairs in the flat, an early middle aged couple, both work shifts at the nearby factory here. So when they work late shift, that dog doesn't know what to do with itself and just howls at the door from the inside all evening, which then travels up the entire stairwell in the building.

I'm not aware that they work weekends also, so I guess tonight they just went somewhere without the dog.

That dog kind of strikes me as a bit thick everytime I run into my neighbours. I don't know, it just seems like it's not really "with it". Maybe there is such a thing as retarded dogs. My uncle's German Shepherd was one of the smartest animals I've ever known, but this dog (a poodle) somehow just comes off a little dim. Hard to really give you examples... it just does.
>> No. 417686 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 9:54 am
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>>417681

Poodles and other pointless little cunt breeds like them do indeed tend to be a bit dense. Consider also that a lot of pure breeds of dog are more inbred than the Royal Family.

My dog (who lives at home with my mum and dad but I still consider her my dog) is sort of both. She's frighteningly sharp at certain moments, but then she also adopts and nurtures slices of leftover pizza.
>> No. 417694 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 11:50 am
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>>417686

My uncle's German Shepherd was really pretty smart. He knew how to open doors by pushing down the handle or even occasionally helped himself to the contents of my uncle's fridge, which prompted my uncle to actually install a lock on the fridge for whenever he was out without the dog. The dog also had a sixth sense for people's moods, and he would come up to you and try to cheer you up when he sensed that you were sad. And not just my uncle, but other people as well.
>> No. 417698 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 1:57 pm
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We've had our Vizsla puppy for two days now, he's going to be trouble... Uncoordinated little bugger, but worryingly quick on the uptake. Just need to avoid the chronic attachment issues they seem to be prone to. Still, nice to have a dog around again, even if he is a walking digestive system at the moment.
>> No. 417707 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 4:48 pm
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>>417686

>Consider also that a lot of pure breeds of dog are more inbred than the Royal Family.

Well their dog looks like any picture perfect poodle would. I would guess it's a purebred and not some mongrel.

This list here kind of contrasts my perception of poodles being a dumb breed.

http://www.dogster.com/lifestyle/dumbest-dog-breeds

Then again, I guess it's a bit like not all Southeast Asians being Oxford or Harvard maths graduates. Sometimes you just get a dumb one.
>> No. 417708 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 4:57 pm
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>>417707

>Sometimes you just get a dumb one.

You could also just be mistaking shyness or nervousness for stupidity.
>> No. 417709 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 5:01 pm
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>>417707

Poodles are one of the most intelligent breeds and as a result they are very highly strung. They are water adapted gun dogs, a lot of gun working breeds top the IQ list.
>> No. 417717 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 9:56 pm
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>>417708

>mistaking shyness or nervousness for stupidity

What, in a poodle?

This is not some human boffin we're talking about. It's a dog. He's not quietly pondering the special theory of relativity in his head while his social anxiety prevents him from doing even the simplest tricks.
>> No. 417718 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 10:07 pm
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>>417709

>They are water adapted gun dogs

I think I read once that "poodle" was originally derived from the word "puddle". So they were basically "puddle dogs", which would kind of corroborate your statement.
>> No. 417719 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 10:10 pm
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>>417717

I'm aware. And I doubt anyone would mistake shyness for idiocy in a human - they'd assume they were a quiet genius, like you say.

But in a dog, anxiety and nervousness can manifest in a dog that will sit and stare at its owner for direction, look as if it is unable to navigate or follow commands as it's unwilling to, say, walk down a corridor, or appear 'lost' or confused when really it's just panicking a bit. A lack of curiosity can be seen as a sign of an unintelligent animal too, but if it's just scared of things then you'll never really see it exploring.

It was only a guess, anyway, as the chap didn't specify what actions had made him think the dog was thick. If it was constantly banging it's head into a glass door or something, he may have a point.
>> No. 417720 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 10:14 pm
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>>417707

Surely it depends how you measure intelligence.
Herding sheep or doing tricks is one thing. Being a useless dribbling yapping bag of shit is a different thing entirely.
>> No. 417722 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 10:25 pm
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>>417719

My parents' friends used to have a dachshund. That dog really kind of looked a bit on the anxious side, and part of it had to do with the fact that whenever they would visit us with their dog in tow, our cat, who took crap from nobody, would pretty much always beat the shit out of that poor dog. Our cat was really the neighbourhood bully, always got in fights with the other cats every night. Also often gave you a pretty nasty clawing if you rubbed her belly one too many times for her liking and such. She tolerated no intruders into her territory, and that meant my parents' friends' dog usually spent the whole visit timidly sitting on their lap, noticeably worried that the cat would come around the corner again any minute. At some point, they just no longer bothered bringing their dog when visiting us.
>> No. 417788 Anonymous
2nd June 2018
Saturday 9:21 pm
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Why's everyone being a cunt? Well, moreso than usual. Is the heat making people a widdle cranky?
>> No. 417789 Anonymous
2nd June 2018
Saturday 9:27 pm
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>>417788
tell 'em, Steve-Dave you demurgent pustule.
>> No. 417791 Anonymous
2nd June 2018
Saturday 11:55 pm
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Watching 8 Out of 10 Cunts Cats Does Countdown.

Oh, the things I would do to Rachel Riley. The things I would do, .gs.
>> No. 417792 Anonymous
3rd June 2018
Sunday 2:30 am
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>>417791

On that topic does anyone know any kind of resource I can use to figure out how many series / episodes of that show there's been, rather than scrolling mindlessly through All Four trying to figure out if a given episode is a repeat or not?
>> No. 417793 Anonymous
3rd June 2018
Sunday 2:40 am
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>>417792
I genuinely don't understand how it's possible for you to know about and use gs but not instinctively know how to answer that question.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_8_Out_of_10_Cats_Does_Countdown_episodes
>> No. 417794 Anonymous
3rd June 2018
Sunday 3:05 am
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>>417793

Apparently either I'm a gurning idiot or that wikipedia page didn't exist last time I went looking for something similar. I'm not going to check the page's history to avoid further making myself feel like a spacco .

On the other hand, I don't recall All Four listing EOOTCDC episodes by series/episode and rather by air date so it doesn't particularly help me figure out what and what isn't a repeat - except that it doesn't look like there's been any new episodes since February so that's me probably all caught up either way (at least in terms of episodes I can actually find and watch online), which is a bit shit to be honest.
>> No. 417795 Anonymous
3rd June 2018
Sunday 4:05 am
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>>417794

Created on the 28th December 2017. It's suprisingly recent, so you might get a pass
>> No. 417796 Anonymous
3rd June 2018
Sunday 4:27 am
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>>417795

Nah pal
>> No. 417797 Anonymous
3rd June 2018
Sunday 11:40 am
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFouFuNgBRw

Just listened to this song again for the first time in ages.

For a very brief time in the 80s, Sigue Sigue Sputnik were at the forefront of the self-caricaturisation of pop culture. A take on cyberpunk, post-apocalysm and consumer electronics culture that shook the entire music industry with its unflinching rawness. The 1986 debut album "Flaunt It" was like nothing else at its time.

And then with the second album, they pissed it all away by teaming up with Stock, Aitken and Waterman and ending up sounding like Rick Astley on crack cocaine.
>> No. 417798 Anonymous
3rd June 2018
Sunday 6:09 pm
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I just cooked myself dinner for the first time, at the age of 23. Cooking being distinct from just bunging something in the oven or microwave. It was gammon, rubbed with paprika, and eggs. I wish I felt some belated sense of accomplishment, but I still just feel shit about only just now cooking some food for myself, especially when I have, former, mates doing all sorts of brilliant stuff.

Hopefully I undercooked the pork and a parasite will eat my brain.
>> No. 417799 Anonymous
4th June 2018
Monday 2:32 pm
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>>417798

>but I still just feel shit about only just now cooking some food for myself

Don't. One of my friends turned 40 this year, and he is a very shit cook still.

Why? Because he lived with his parents until age 22 and then directly moved in with his girlfriend and now wife, who took all the cooking under her command and he has never had to do much of anything in the kitchen. And he isn't the lazy husband type who just thinks it's the wife's job; on the contrary, his wife won't let him cook anything elaborate besides simple dishes like frying up bacon because, well, he wouldn't get it right anyway.

Teach yourself all the valuable household skills now, lad. It'll be too late once you're married and somebody else doubts your ability to function as a household member.
>> No. 417800 Anonymous
4th June 2018
Monday 3:21 pm
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>>417799

My granddad is 93 and has never cooked a meal. Back in his day, single men usually lived in lodging houses where the landlady cooked an evening meal. He went straight from home to the forces to a lodging house to marriage without once lifting a pan. If my nan is ever away from home, he just goes to Greggs for lunch and the chippy for tea. I honestly doubt that he even knows how to use the microwave. The kitchen is foreign territory for him.
>> No. 417801 Anonymous
4th June 2018
Monday 8:17 pm
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>>417800

>If my nan is ever away from home, he just goes to Greggs for lunch and the chippy for tea.

THE DREAM

Bet he still tugs a cheeky one out while she's gone too. What a lad.
>> No. 417802 Anonymous
4th June 2018
Monday 9:05 pm
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>>417801

>Bet he still tugs a cheeky one out while she's gone too

At that kind of age, any tug could be his last.

Not the worst way to go though.
>> No. 417843 Anonymous
9th June 2018
Saturday 9:34 am
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I will be going to Le Havre next weekend.

Just thought I'd let you lads know.
>> No. 417880 Anonymous
10th June 2018
Sunday 7:07 pm
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I'm job interviewing people next week and I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing. I've never done this before and I've only got a general idea of what to ask, obviously avoiding bullshit questions like why they want to work for the company or for them to tell me a little bit about themselves, so I'm worried it'll turn into a shambles.
>> No. 417881 Anonymous
10th June 2018
Sunday 7:16 pm
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>>417880

In a lot of fields all you're really doing is working out it the person will fit into your team, so a friendly chat is all you really need to judge their suitability. That and maybe give them an example scenario (ideally one that really happened) and ask them how they'd deal with it.

Or just ask for bribes.
>> No. 417882 Anonymous
10th June 2018
Sunday 8:07 pm
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>>417880

On the other hand, it's a good way to catch them off guard if you ask the standard bullshit questions and they draw a blank.

Unless they give you something on par with Morgan Freeman's "rehabilitation" monologue at the end of Shawshank to evade that question, you can really see if they have prepared for the interview.

On the other hand, I went to a job interview once where the interviewer, an upbeat guy in his 50s with a contagious sense of humour, said to me, about five to ten minutes into the interview and having gone through the most essential details, "You know what, I'm tired of the whole drill lately with all the standard questions that you will have memorised answers for that you've downloaded (sic) from the Internet". He said from my CV it was obvious that I had about the right qualifications, and then he asked me what I liked to do for fun or if I had any interesting hobbies. We then ended up talking ten minutes about formula one, which we found out was a big common interest that we shared. He actively kept that conversation going. It wasn't hard to deduce that he was really interested in the way we would interact during a casual chat about something we were both interested in, which kind of made sense because I would have worked right under him. He then said to me after the ten minutes, "Well, thank you for your time, I really enjoyed talking with you here today. You will be hearing from us".

I didn't get the job. For whatever reason. But it was definitely one of the more pleasant interviews I have had.
>> No. 417903 Anonymous
12th June 2018
Tuesday 6:30 pm
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I've interviewed two people this week, together with one of my colleagues.

During the first interview my colleague seemed to spend the second half of it trying to actively put her off working for our employer, which I'd chalked down to the fact that the recruiter had clearly exaggerated her abilities and she wasn't up to scratch. However, the second candidate is exactly what we're looking for and she asked at the end what we thought she'd find most frustrating about working for us and he went off on a twenty minute rant about almost every grievance he has here; procedures we have to follow, other departments we have to work with, our own department, calling the management an acquired taste. You name it, he ranted about it.

I'm really not sure what to make of it.
>> No. 417904 Anonymous
12th June 2018
Tuesday 7:46 pm
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>>417903
>I'm really not sure what to make of it.

It's poor interviewing. You should never lie in that position, but it just isn't professional to do that.
>> No. 417905 Anonymous
12th June 2018
Tuesday 9:04 pm
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>>417904
I think he's got a pathological fear that we'll get the wrong person in so they'll get fed up and leave quickly so he decided to be honest, very honest, about what they'd be letting themselves in for. They've been burned in the past by hiring the wrong people.

That and whilst we're short staffed they're paying overtime at a time and a half.
>> No. 417906 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 12:58 am
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>>417903

That's actually shit interviewing on both counts.

There is always a chance that somebody you have turned down will end up finding work elsewhere in your industry, and then when happening to have to deal with you in some form, if just because you're then the competition of that person's new employer, that person might remember the dick move you've pulled by not being honest and trying to get them out of your hair by attempting to dissuade them from working at your place. People tend to be a little less stupid than you give them credit for, you know.

And the second interviewee, well, I'm not sure what kind of start you expect to give somebody who will then actually come to work for you. A new employee should have the chance to start their job with a certain kind of innocence as to the amount of shit that goes down at your place of work. As it does at nearly every other workplace in the country. They will figure all that out for themselves in due time and they don't need you going on a 20-minute rant about why your company is such a shit place to work.

We've got interview guidelines at my workplace that state among many other things that we must present our company as a decent, friendly and desirable place to work (not the exact words, but that's it more or less) during an interview, no matter what we end up thinking of a particular interviewee. Because there is a chance that an interviewee will go on to work at one of our competitors, or even partners.
>> No. 417907 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 7:53 am
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>>417906

>We've got interview guidelines at my workplace that state among many other things that we must present our company as a decent, friendly and desirable place to work (not the exact words, but that's it more or less) during an interview

That's what I would assume is expected of every interviewer, really. If you can't go 30 minutes without slagging off the company to a prospective employee, then you're probably not cut out for conducting interviews. I do just assume I'm being fed a very sugary pill whenever I'm being interviewed, unless it's a very casual thing or I have enough leverage to turn it a bit more realistic.

I think there's room to mention certain things, like maybe you're a couple of points behind target and they'd be jumping into a bit of a stressed environment, but there's a world of difference between gently letting them know the lay of the land, and ranting about the terrible life you have at the company like it sounds like >>417903's colleague was doing. It just sounds like the bloke has a grudge, which wouldn't necessarily put me off the job, but it wouldn't help and I wouldn't think much of the man.
>> No. 417908 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 10:44 am
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>>417907

> If you can't go 30 minutes without slagging off the company to a prospective employee, then you're probably not cut out for conducting interviews

Also, you are divulging information that could be useful to an interviewee if they don't go on to work for you but the competition.

Just think, if you tell somebody in an interview, "Our sales are a disaster, we are really just surviving by the skin of our teeth here". And then that interviewee will find work at one of your competitors, with the knowledge that your sales are in the crapper. Or if you tell them about any other structural problems within your company that aren't public knowledge. This kind of news will then tricke through your immediate industry, to partner companies (if they don't already know you're shit) and to the competition, who will be all too happy to know where your weak spots are.

So the message we are expected project to applicants when they come to see us is more or less "We're doing great, and we're such a good place to work, where everybody loves everybody and profits are through the roof". Which is of course embellishing the truth a bit, but then again, we're really not such a horrible employer. By and large, one of the better companies I have worked for anyway. So the culture shock shouldn't be that big when somebody actually starts work here and realises that we, too, have our problems.
>> No. 417909 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 12:26 pm
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>>417908
>This kind of news will then tricke through your immediate industry, to partner companies (if they don't already know you're shit) and to the competition, who will be all too happy to know where your weak spots are.
If you're basically selling your partners and customers a pup, then they've every right to know and every right to be annoyed at you for it.
>> No. 417910 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 1:04 pm
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>>417909

The business world would be a lot easier if companies felt compelled to announce their failures to everyone you feel has a right, but that's not really how it works.
>> No. 417911 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 3:14 pm
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>>417910
And people still wonder why everyone hates big business.
>> No. 417912 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 3:22 pm
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>>417911

I wouldn't recommend a tiny cafe telling people in an interview that their sales are down, either.
>> No. 417913 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 4:37 pm
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>>417912
So you think it's okay to trick someone into taking a job that might disappear before their notice period expires?
>> No. 417914 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 4:45 pm
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>>417913

You're either being wilfully ignorant and contrarian, or you've never had a job.

Either way, I can't help you.
>> No. 417915 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 4:48 pm
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>>417914
>You're either being wilfully ignorant and contrarian, or you've never had a job.
Whatever you say, babes.
>> No. 417916 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 6:02 pm
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>>417904>>417906
You don't have to tell me twice.

Then again, she had her second interview today and it looks like she's going to take up the job offer; she's looking to leave her current employer after only being there about seven months because she hates it so we've agreed (our suggestion) she'll come in a day next week to see what the job's actually like to get a real feel for it as the last thing either of us want is for her to join another company she's unhappy at.

I'd say this recruitment lark is easy, but my next interview is at 7am next week with a 21 year old who is either exceptional or her CV is a masterpiece in bullshit. Fuck knows why we only seem to be attracting female candidates.
>> No. 417917 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 6:21 pm
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>>417916
>Fuck knows why we only seem to be attracting female candidates.
Best guess is probably that you're advertising a salary range and it's too low.
>> No. 417918 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 7:07 pm
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>>417917
According to the recruiter the 21 year old has salary expectations of £35,000. This isn't towards the top end of what's achievable in this role, perhaps it is for her qualifications and experience, but it's a bit above average for the job in this region.
>> No. 417919 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 7:12 pm
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>>417918
35k at 21 ain't half bad, what's the type of role if you don't mind divulging?
>> No. 417920 Anonymous
13th June 2018
Wednesday 7:26 pm
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>>417919
Wheelin' dealin' world of financial advice. Well, doing the research and report writing for the advisers. I know full well what she's doing; she's got what's seen as the standard industry qualification (albeit from the professional body seen as offering the easy route) and the moment she's got it she's trying to get a much better paid job.
>> No. 417930 Anonymous
14th June 2018
Thursday 12:10 pm
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>>417916

>a 21 year old who is either exceptional or her CV is a masterpiece in bullshit.

We had somebody like that a while ago, a lad who was 23 and had presented himself in his CV like the next Richard Branson. The amount of things he claimed he had done whilst still in school or later during university next to his business degree was staggering.

Most of it fell apart during the interview though, and turned out to be vastly embellishing the truth. He was no budding entrepreneur, but really almost more a con artist. And the expression on my boss's face during the interview grew darker by the minute. My boss then suddenly said, "Well, thank you for your time... this was interesting". And while we watched the lad walk down the corridor and out the front door, my boss whispered to me, "I want you to make sure we never see him again here".

It's all well and good to present yourself in a way that positively attracts an interviewer's attention. If you don't, chances are you will simply go unnoticed no matter how qualified you are for the job, because there will still be ten others like you. But if your self presentation veers off into complete tall tales, you are not doing yourself any favours.
>> No. 417931 Anonymous
14th June 2018
Thursday 12:27 pm
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>>417930

There's a certain section of the population who can write all that bullshit, and also talk about it convincingly. I'd not be surprised if this lad didn't get the hang of it eventually, and when he does he'll be both our bosses somehow. If not he'll just have a happy life selling used BMWs somewhere.

Possibly the only positive there is to being in hospitality is that it's a relatively normal thing to have a trial shift or skills test alongside an interview, though for some reason it still surprises people. It's fantastic to see billy big bollocks tell you about how much he learned working in Paris, name checking everyone he can thing of, and how he's the linchpin of every team he's been in (genuine quote) and then subsequently panic and shit the bed when you ask him to make you a hollandaise. "what, right now?"

I've also seen too many of these bullshitters slip through the net, but that's another story. It's why I think interviews should never ever be one on one - if a manager hires someone by themselves, they will often be invested in that person unreasonably for fear of looking like a knob, and will defend entirely useless people in an attempt to save face. But that's another discussion, I suppose.
>> No. 417932 Anonymous
14th June 2018
Thursday 2:12 pm
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>>417931

We've tried incorporating little skill tests in our interviews. One thing we have done was show interviewees a five-page market research assessment for one of our next products (the five pages were pulled straight out of our arses and for a fictitious product, to minimise the risk of actually divulging real inside information to interviewees). We asked them to go over those five pages while we were all sitting there. We both watched the way they were reading the pages (to see if they were just blagging it or if they were actually taking an interest in the paper), and the way they tried to make sense of it, and then we quizzed them about what was in those five pages and what they thought of the whole product launch idea expressed in it.

This is a test that really gave useful results. Because that's how you get a glimpse into how a person will actually perform when they are given a work-related problem to work on. And you get to quiz them about what they actually remember from their marketing lectures at uni, or from their previous jobs where they allegedly did something like it all day long.
>> No. 417941 Anonymous
14th June 2018
Thursday 7:36 pm
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>>417932

This just seems logical to me, but from what I can tell there are plenty of industries that don't do this sort of thing.

I don't quite understand why everyone is perfectly okay with working three or four hours unpaid - and without any knowledge of the company haccp, or any sort of waiver signed - as a trial in kitchens, but it's standard practice and obviously an incredible way to find a good fit, as they're literally just working in the team. It also gives the prospective employee a chance to say 'actually fuck this, it's not for me' which is nice and far better than them doing it once you've done all the paperwork on them.
>> No. 417942 Anonymous
14th June 2018
Thursday 8:01 pm
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>>417941
>which is nice and far better than them doing it once you've done all the paperwork on them.

Not to mention the c. 20% of salary you've paid to the recruitment agent.
>> No. 417943 Anonymous
14th June 2018
Thursday 8:02 pm
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>>417942

I don't deal with those vultures.
>> No. 417945 Anonymous
14th June 2018
Thursday 8:36 pm
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>>417942

We did cost assessments a while back in which we compared the benefits of turning employee searches over to professional recruiters versus doing it ourselves. Our conclusion was that we saw no more need for external recruiters, and that the fit that could be achieved if we let somebody from our side find adequate employees was potentially greater than having an external recruiter either send us over a bunch of CVs, or telling them we need somebody who knows, can do, and has done A, B, and C. Our calculation is that with our annual staff fluctuation, if we employ our own recruiter as part of HR, we actually save money. And also, that person who now works exclusively for us is much more in the loop as to what kind of people we really need as employees.

External recruiters just tend to care more about their cut than they do about really finding the right employee for you. There is a real danger that you will end up with somebody who will perform so-so on the job that you've given them, but really won't be all you had hoped. While the recruiter fulfilled all the minimum requirements that entitle them to rake in the 20 percent either way.
>> No. 417947 Anonymous
14th June 2018
Thursday 8:46 pm
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Recruitment consultancy?

Gissa job

I can do dat
>> No. 417956 Anonymous
14th June 2018
Thursday 9:49 pm
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>>417945

More than once I've had a recruiter contact me to see if I'd be interested in the job we tasked them to recruit for earlier in the day.

I mean I guess I'm flattered but fucking hell lads.
>> No. 417970 Anonymous
15th June 2018
Friday 5:04 pm
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>>417956

One recruiter got their files mixed up once while they were looking for an employee for us. So they sent us a CV of a person who very obviously had zero qualification for the kind of work we would have needed them to do. I think it was some kind of health engineer, while we were looking for a junior sales executive. We then called the recruiter and they said to us that "probably an intern" had mixed up the CVs and sent the CV that we were supposed to get to an entirely different company, and vice versa.

It kind of makes you wonder if they are really worth their money if they can't even hire proper people for themselves. The fact that this may or may not have been the fault of an intern makes only a marginal difference.
>> No. 417972 Anonymous
15th June 2018
Friday 8:38 pm
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>>417970
"Probably" an intern makes me wonder if they even have any.
>> No. 417973 Anonymous
15th June 2018
Friday 9:26 pm
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>>417972

Professionalism can also mean accepting responsibility when something goes wrong. It's all too easy to blame it on random unknown internlad. A better way to say you're sorry would have been to say something along the lines of "I really apologise. We will investigate thoroughly how this error could have happened, and I promise it won't happen again". That way, you are accepting blame as a company, while at the same time not pinning it on yourself personally.
>> No. 417974 Anonymous
15th June 2018
Friday 10:06 pm
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>>417973

That's dishonest as well though, because a) nobody is going to look into it even if there was any practical way of tracing responsibility at all and b) mistakes happen, simple as that, it could even have been the best fucking employee in the building and they were just tired/distracted.

They know they fucked up, you know they fucked up, it's not like anyone fucks up intentionally. It's like when your manager bollocks you for something, you know he doesn't really care, he knows you don't really care, and he knows bollocking you makes no difference, but he has to tell you off, and you say "sorry boss, won't do it again" as part of the display.

This is why empty platitudes exist.
>> No. 417975 Anonymous
16th June 2018
Saturday 12:18 am
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>>417974

>This is why empty platitudes exist.

My supervisor at my last job came to me once and told me that I cocked something up. And I did. So he said, "Boss wants me to tear you a new one. So if anybody asks, I tore you a new one just now, ok?". And that was it. I liked his way of handling things. It usually came without a lot of the nonsense that people give you when they think they have to call you out for a mistake you've made.
>> No. 417978 Anonymous
16th June 2018
Saturday 10:28 am
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>>417916
>she had her second interview today and it looks like she's going to take up the job offer

Turns out that she was offered the job and accepted it at the second interview. The recruiter came back the following day and claimed they'd been talking with her and she wanted £5,000 more as she had other interviews lined up who would be prepared to offer her that much. Rang her up and she told us that was the first she'd heard of it as she'd cancelled the other interviews because she was happy with our offer.

Recruiters.
>> No. 417979 Anonymous
16th June 2018
Saturday 10:41 am
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>>417978

>Recruiters.

Talk about overplaying your hand.

Recruiters are near enough the same kind of low life as temp agencies.
>> No. 417980 Anonymous
16th June 2018
Saturday 11:02 am
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>>417979

What's so bad about temp agencies?

I've only ever worked with (and for) specialist agencies in a specific field, and I've never had a bad experience.

Do the more generalised ones just send any old moron out?
>> No. 417993 Anonymous
19th June 2018
Tuesday 3:14 pm
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>>417980

I temped for a while after uni. I tried to see it as a way to get a foot in the door to maybe find permanent work at any of the companies where I was placed. But most of them really wanted employees for limited-time projects, and then when the project was finished, they usually said something had come up and they had no way of employing me permanently like they said they were going to.

It was alright for somebody fresh out of uni who needed to gain practical, hands-on experience. But I really only found my first permanent job through my own personal effort.
>> No. 417994 Anonymous
20th June 2018
Wednesday 4:15 pm
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>>417916
>my next interview is at 7am next week with a 21 year old who is either exceptional or her CV is a masterpiece in bullshit

She fucking overslept. I got into work for half 6 especially for this and she fucking overslept.

Well, she told the recruiter she was ill and couldn't make it but I actually rang the company she works for and spoke with her so she definitely wasn't poorly. Gave her CV a closer inspection and there were a few things on there which seemed like the work of a bullshit artist who's written down what they think the job entails from observing other people actually doing the job.
>> No. 417995 Anonymous
20th June 2018
Wednesday 9:26 pm
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>>417994
7am interviews, just say no.
>> No. 417996 Anonymous
20th June 2018
Wednesday 11:43 pm
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>>417995

If you really want the job, you'll agree to an interview at 5 am.

The old trick is to put in some random inconveniences for the interviewee. Do the interview on the morning after a bank holiday weekend. Or ask them to come on very short notice. Or if they are from out of town, tell them 8 am is the only time they can still squeeze you in that day, and no, there aren't other days when they can come.

If they really want the job, they will play along. And maybe you will think what a cold hearted cynical arsehole your job has made you that you think nothing of taking the piss out of them like that.
>> No. 417999 Anonymous
21st June 2018
Thursday 12:45 am
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>>417996
In return, if you really want to do the interview at 5am, you're paying me a day rate plus expenses to attend.
>> No. 418003 Anonymous
21st June 2018
Thursday 6:44 am
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>>417995
It was her idea to interview at 7am, so she could do it before she went to work. I only agreed because I knew my colleague would be in at that time anyway and it means I can chalk it up as a couple of hours of overtime which is time and a half.

Considering I reckon the highest she'll be on at the minute is ~£24k and her salary expectations were apparently £35k, the recruiter put the advert up as £35k to £42k so she was going to try her luck at the bottom of this banding, not setting alarms to ensure you get up in time for a potential £10k plus pay rise shows she isn't right for the job.
>> No. 418005 Anonymous
21st June 2018
Thursday 7:50 am
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>>417996

Jesus. I'm glad I work in an industry desperate for talent. I've never had an interview before lunch.
>> No. 418010 Anonymous
21st June 2018
Thursday 12:28 pm
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>>418003

>It was her idea to interview at 7am, so she could do it before she went to work.

That's not a bad work ethic. I admire people who are willing to do something like that. Or when you hear that some people actually go for a jog before work in the morning.

I'm useless in the morning. I am 100 percent not a morning person, and if you asked me to appear to an interview at 7 am, I would just flat out tell you no. I'm glad that I have a job where I can now sleep until about 8:30 every day, because it's just a mile from here and although it officially begins at 9 o' clock, it really doesn't start in earnest until about 9:30, and hardly anybody actually shows up before then. That kind of leniency also means you are expected to stay until seven or eight o'clock in the evening when there is a lot to do, but I am fine with that. I can work evenings, no problem. Just don't expect any miracles from me before about 10 am.
>> No. 418011 Anonymous
21st June 2018
Thursday 1:39 pm
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>>417996
If the company wants to hire a doormat then whoever gets the job is welcome to it. I'd just tell them to fuck off.
>> No. 418015 Anonymous
21st June 2018
Thursday 6:47 pm
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>>418011

I'm in a similar boat to >>418005 and agree wholeheartedly but I'm lucky enough to have the wherewithal to remember that for every sought-after cunt like me there's ten, twenty, or a hundred people dealing with the nightmare of zero-hour contracts and just trying to make ends meet.

These are the days of austerity nightmares, lad, and the gap between the haves and have-nots is wide and widening by the day. If we've managed to fall on the vaguely the right side of the chasm then we should be thanking our lucky stars for it.

Sage for not really having a point and also because my head hurts. Who the fuck gets the fly in June?
>> No. 418016 Anonymous
21st June 2018
Thursday 7:09 pm
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>>418015

I do understand I'm lucky, to be fair I did say "I'm glad" in my post.

I hope your fly lets up soon though
>> No. 418017 Anonymous
21st June 2018
Thursday 7:47 pm
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>>418005

What industry is that?
>> No. 418018 Anonymous
21st June 2018
Thursday 8:07 pm
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>>418010
I'm the opposite. I work for a company offering flexible hours and I don't think I could go back to doing 9 - 5 after working 8 - 4. I'd much rather go to work a bit earlier and have more of an evening.

>>418015
>These are the days of austerity nightmares, lad, and the gap between the haves and have-nots is wide and widening by the day. If we've managed to fall on the vaguely the right side of the chasm then we should be thanking our lucky stars for it.

Are things really that bad? I've always been under the impression that people reading the likes of the Guardian end up with Mean World Syndrome and they'll end up exaggerating the number of people on zero hours contracts, similar to Mail readers considerably overestimating the number of immigrants in this country.
>> No. 418019 Anonymous
21st June 2018
Thursday 8:13 pm
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>>418018
>Are things really that bad? I've always been under the impression that people reading the likes of the Guardian end up with Mean World Syndrome and they'll end up exaggerating the number of people on zero hours contracts, similar to Mail readers considerably overestimating the number of immigrants in this country.

The UKs productivity has flat-lined, the reasons are probably quite complex and varied, but most people agree that zero hours contracts and part-time work in general are contributing a lot to that.
>> No. 418020 Anonymous
21st June 2018
Thursday 9:21 pm
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>>418017

Checkout lad at JD sports
>> No. 418021 Anonymous
21st June 2018
Thursday 9:50 pm
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>>418020

First legitimate mirth of the day, congrats lad.
>> No. 418022 Anonymous
21st June 2018
Thursday 10:10 pm
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>>418016

Sorry lad, >>418015 wasn't really aimed at you I was just saying that, like you, I'm lucky enough to be in a position to tell piss takers where to get off (or at least not get treated like a doormat).

My point, I think, if I had one at all, was that >>418011is probably luckier than he realises and that reality for a large number of people is basically "Put up, shut up, or fuck off back to the dole".

On a side note, I've fulled my fly up but my flu is still being a cunt so I might be making even less sense than before. So it goes.
>> No. 418023 Anonymous
21st June 2018
Thursday 10:24 pm
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>>418019

>The UKs productivity has flat-lined, the reasons are probably quite complex and varied, but most people agree that zero hours contracts and part-time work in general are contributing a lot to that.


The work productivity of a person tends to increase the more hours per day they work on the tasks given to them. Because naturally if you work part time, much more of your time will be spent picking back up where you left the last time. But then if you are "in the zone" after a few hours, that is when your productivity is at its height. And that' kind of the sweet spot of daily work productivity, which you often just won't reach with part time work, not even if you work three full days in a row and then come back the next week. Because you will once again have to get back into doing something where four days have passed since you last concerned yourself with it.

Then again, it's no secret to anybody that your productivity also goes down again if you work more than a day's work. There often isn't much point working a ninth and tenth hour on something on a given day, and everybody is better off just going home and coming back the next day to have another crack.

This is pretty much what they teach you in human resources at uni. It is seen as valid for typical "knowledge work". Probably not relevant though if your part time job consists of pushing shopping trolleys back together in the Tesco car park, or flipping burgers at McDonald's.
>> No. 418025 Anonymous
21st June 2018
Thursday 11:13 pm
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>>418018

>Are things really that bad? I've always been under the impression that people reading the likes of the Guardian end up with Mean World Syndrome and they'll end up exaggerating the number of people on zero hours contracts, similar to Mail readers considerably overestimating the number of immigrants in this country.

The data paints a fairly grim picture. Unemployment is at the lowest rate since 2008, but mostly at the cost of underemployment and wage stagnation.

About three million workers are officially counted as underemployed, because they want more hours of work than they can get. There has been a marked rise in self-employment, but an equally marked fall in the average earnings of self-employed people. It's eminently clear that most of these new self-employed people aren't actively deciding to set up their own business, but are choosing self-employment (often in "gig economy" roles for companies like Yodel, Deliveroo and Uber) because it's their least-worst option.

The statistics are a bit more murky when it comes to graduate underemployment (overeducation), but the UK has the highest proportion of university graduates working in jobs that don't require a degree. It's not entirely clear whether we have too many people taking mediocre degrees or whether the economy is failing to make good use of skilled graduates, but it's not great either way.

In real terms, the average wage today is slightly lower than in 2007. The trend is unevenly distributed - minimum wage earners have seen a very slight increase, older and highly-skilled workers have seen a significant increase, but middle-earners have been badly squeezed.

The sanctions regime has worked in terms of pushing people off benefits and into work, but the labour market hasn't grown to accommodate those extra workers. More people are in work, but our total economic output hasn't increased. When I look at the economic statistics, I see a lot of people desperately clinging on to whatever work they can find. We don't have more jam, we're just spreading it thinner.

https://www.ons.gov.uk/employmentandlabourmarket/peopleinwork/employmentandemployeetypes/articles/labourmarketeconomiccommentary/september2017

http://www.taxresearch.org.uk/Documents/SEI2013.pdf

http://oxrep.oxfordjournals.org/content/32/4/514.full.pdf+html
>> No. 418026 Anonymous
22nd June 2018
Friday 12:04 am
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>>418023

>It is seen as valid for typical "knowledge work". Probably not relevant though if your part time job consists of pushing shopping trolleys back together in the Tesco car park, or flipping burgers at McDonald's.

Probably more than you think, physical fatigue is just as important and all but the most basic of jobs still has some sort of mental component. Even in McDonalds staff get less effective after about the eight hour mark. I've spent most of my life trying to explain this to restaurant managers. The difference between a team that rotates 6-8 hour shifts and one that does all day (12-14) is staggering, for obvious reasons. And like you say, the three day weekend most of the latter group get does not help in any way.
>> No. 418028 Anonymous
22nd June 2018
Friday 3:10 am
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>>418023
> Then again, it's no secret to anybody that your productivity also goes down again if you work more than a day's work. There often isn't much point working a ninth and tenth hour on something on a given day, and everybody is better off just going home and coming back the next day to have another crack.

There's a certain situation in programming when you're searching for a unique solution to a novel problem. This can be frustrating at first but once you "taste blood" there's a certain type of coder who can stay focused on a task until they get it or nearly go mad trying.

I remember a week where every time I forced myself to bed at something stupid like 4am I'd be back out and out of bed with the kettle on making more shitty instant coffee and popping another handful of pills because just as I'd been drifting off to sleep I'd thought "but what if I .......".

Ages catches up with you though, and these days I'd rather just pause all my dev VMs so everything's exactly where I left it and get some sleep. I keep a notebook (pen and paper) next to my bed if I have to but computer time is strictly limited, otherwise limits go out the window altogether with sickening alacrity.
>> No. 418031 Anonymous
22nd June 2018
Friday 12:42 pm
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>>418026

>Probably more than you think, physical fatigue is just as important and all but the most basic of jobs still has some sort of mental component. Even in McDonalds staff get less effective after about the eight hour mark. I've spent most of my life trying to explain this to restaurant managers.

I agree that much of the work that people in a kitchen do has a good bit of knowledge to it. Unless you operate a pub grub kitchen where all you ever really do is fry up bangers and chips, you need to know how you sautée vegetables, you need to pay attention to whether or not your lamb still has that slightly pinkish hue in the centre, or even if your pasta is over- or undercooked. Especially if you've got several meals cooking at the same time and don't want to keep guests waiting for their meals for hours. There is undoubtedly a reason why chefs train for several years.

I worked weekends at a banquet hall during uni, a place that wasn't open daily but could be rented for company or family functions. My job was chiefly to man the bar and pull pints. But you really got an appreciation for the way the kitchen staff managed to knock out fifty plates of lamb with sautéed green beans and mashed potato. That is no mean feat, all near enough at the same time and with consistent quality from one plate to the next. And on top of that at the same time maybe some ten to twenty plates of a vegetarian dish.

I have no doubt that that was physically and mentally exhausting. I really had the easiest job manning the bar, although all the drunk patrons late in the evening and people who won't have any of it when you tell them you won't serve them their eighth pint that night, when they can barely remember their own name in their state, can be a bit annoying.
>> No. 418043 Anonymous
22nd June 2018
Friday 3:53 pm
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>>418031

I've never worked in a wetherspoons or any microwave wonder kitchen, but I'm quite sure even that isn't easy. They'll be significantly understaffed and even microwaving bangers and mash for 15 tables requires situational awareness and timing.

This isn't particularly on-topic, but the highest paid, Michelin star fancy chefs typically have the easiest and least challenging jobs in the game, as they have enough money to hire extra staff, and everything is so compartmentalised that you might spend your week doing nothing but cooking one sauce and slicing radishes really thin, then giving them to one or two blokes who plate everything up. It's still hard but not nearly as hard as the lads in chain restaurants have it, trying to deal with multiple disparate orders with not nearly enough hands. It's a fucking terrible job, really, I don't know why so many people do it.
>> No. 418044 Anonymous
22nd June 2018
Friday 5:56 pm
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>>418043

I think the hardest part really is being understaffed. If you've got one or two people full time all night in a bangers and mash pub kitchen, then they will probably manage the two or three food orders that come in every five minutes.

In my wild days, I used to go to a club that had a bar upstairs that served things like hot dogs, pizza squares, chips and simple burgers. They had two lads working the kitchen, while another person was doing the bar and also taking food orders. The lads in the kitchen seemed to manage fine, even when there was a whole bunch of us ordering five hot dogs and burgers at a time. But the kitchen was really their only job on a given night.
>> No. 418046 Anonymous
22nd June 2018
Friday 8:06 pm
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>>418044

Another big thing is size and layout in a kitchen. It's not something that is always considered, you see a lot of cramped or inefficiently designed kitchens. The best design I've ever worked with is a nice long line, as pictured. In a kitchen like that - this one exactly, as it happens - I could comfortably run 150+ cover lunches with just two of us, and could quite happily manage the same amount alone (though not quite as comfortably). You can just move back and forth freely and easily and you have room to chuck stuff around, and everything's set out in a logical place, and it's very hard to get in other people's way. The boss can also see everything that's going on in his kitchen, which is a huge advantage.

Contrast that with the cramped kitchens you often find built by people who don't use consultants or just don't think about it, and you end up with a horrible mess, where you spend twice as much time and energy rooting around for stuff or bumping into people. Even alone, you don't have the space to work and end up balancing pans and shit all over the place, and very quickly even a 40 cover lunch becomes a problem. The worst one I've seen was in an L shaped room, so it was a physical challenge to get from one side to the other, or to communicate properly.

I've noticed a lot of companies and particularly smaller brands with a bit of money, do not give any thought to the layouts of their kitchens, and often seem surprised when that's the first note I give them when consulting. I can't fathom how that doesn't factor in, when they'll take their fucking furniture to focus groups.

I realise I've been waffling on about the industry a lot here and it's because I haven't really worked on anything this year and I'm getting bored. sorry lads
>> No. 418049 Anonymous
22nd June 2018
Friday 8:41 pm
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>>418046

Not sure if it's just my observation, but I like watching Kitchen Nightmares (USA), and I don't know if it's awkward camera positioning, but a lot of kitchens on Kitchen Nightmares just look incredibly crammed and tiny, and yet they're often for restaurants that have up to two dozen tables to serve. You can just imagine people getting in each other's way all the time.

The banquet hall where I worked was in a beautiful converted Georgian farmhouse. The only problem was that its maximum capacity was somewhere around 100 people (although usually there were only about 50-70), whereas the kitchen was a room that was about 25 ft by 25 ft, with the cooking ranges arranged right in the centre of the room and the prepping counters and fridges, cupboards and dishwashers and everything else all over the place along the room's four walls. It meant that people kept getting in each other's way, for example when somebody needed something from the fridge at the other end of the kitchen, to take to his prepping station and then turn over to the cooks. This was obviously not well thought out when the kitchen was designed, but in the time that I worked there, they never really got around to changing the layout although most of the kitchen staff agreed that it was shit. They were still able to churn out 50 plates of lamb simultaneously, but they probably could have made life much easier for themselves.
>> No. 418050 Anonymous
22nd June 2018
Friday 9:00 pm
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>>418048

>kitchens on Kitchen Nightmares just look incredibly crammed and tiny, and yet they're often for restaurants that have up to two dozen tables to serve. You can just imagine people getting in each other's way all the time.

That's exactly it. It really destroys the efficiency of a kitchen. During a service the only real way to do it effectively is to get into a rhythm or 'flow', and that is very easily ruined when there's not enough room for you to spin around etc. If you get distracted or have to negotiate past something, you're going to burn something or drop something, and the entire kitchen's pace will be thrown off. Lots of tiny things like that happening over a night lead to hours of lost time, and tables waiting forever for food. It's awful.

>This was obviously not well thought out when the kitchen was designed, but in the time that I worked there, they never really got around to changing the layout although most of the kitchen staff agreed that it was shit.

That's a story I hear and see constantly. Once you've ran a huge expensive set of commercial gas pipes and regulators, and appropriately safe power sockets, and positioned your extractors and vents and dishwasher plumbing and all that in a certain place, it's relatively expensive to move, and you'd lose a couple of days of sales, so most never do, even if their outlay of a few grand would likely save their ailing sales and reviews, most operators choose to believe the added benefits of reorganising would only be intangible.

The setup you describe, with the main stations on a centre island, works amazingly well if you plan it properly - you can effectively lose an entire team member if you set it up right. As you saw though, if it's not well planned it's a shitshow. I think there's a reason that the cookline is called the cookline, it should just be one or two straight lines. I really have strong nostalgia for working in places like that.
>> No. 418051 Anonymous
22nd June 2018
Friday 9:00 pm
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>>418046
>I realise I've been waffling on about the industry a lot here and it's because I haven't really worked on anything this year and I'm getting bored. sorry lads

You're one of the best contributors here, your posts are interesting and informative, and we need more like this about other subjects. All I ever contribute is posts complaining about motorbikes being too loud, or about wanking into my tea mug.
>> No. 418052 Anonymous
22nd June 2018
Friday 10:10 pm
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>>418051

Agreed. Cheflad is always good fun to read on here. One of the few people here who really actually know what they are talking about.


>>418050

>That's a story I hear and see constantly.

The farmhouse had been a banquet hall of some description since the mid-70s, but it was really only in the late 90s when they started turning it from a mum-and-dad kind of thing into a bigger operation. I'm not sure how much exactly the new kitchen was that they had put in a few years earlier before I worked there, but I remember seeing lots of heavy duty looking brushed stainless steel appliances in it.

Again, I was the lad pulling pints at the bar that was in the same building but next door from the main hall... never really did any work in the kitchen. The only food I served at the bar was stale packets of peanuts and crisps.
>> No. 418053 Anonymous
22nd June 2018
Friday 10:16 pm
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I cut off the people on the internet I regularly talked to because the community soured. I don't speak to anyone anymore.
>> No. 418054 Anonymous
23rd June 2018
Saturday 7:41 am
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>>418053
Do you play any games online?
>> No. 418055 Anonymous
23rd June 2018
Saturday 12:58 pm
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I just came across a stash of old CD-Roms in my basement. It's from about 2000, when I bought my first CD burner. Most of it, from the writing on them, appears to be old hard drive backups. But some are labelled "MP3 collection". They must be from my days of downloading MP3s off Napster and eMule, back when it technically wasn't yet illegal.

I even found a pirated copy of "There's Something About Mary", I just had a look at it on my computer, and it appears to be a quite poorly made Divx3 DVD rip, at least by today's standards, and with a resolution of about 500 x 300.

Which brings back memories of a friend of mine proudly showing me his illegally downloaded copy of Episode 1 in 1999. It was on two CDs, with a resolution of around 320x240 and a frame rate of 22 fps, and looked atrocious in fullscreen mode on a 1024x768 CRT monitor. But hey, he got to see it before everybody else, so that was something.

Some of my CDs seem to be affected by early-stage disc rot around the edges. Not sure if that has already led to data loss.
>> No. 418056 Anonymous
23rd June 2018
Saturday 1:17 pm
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>>418055
>downloading MP3s off Napster and eMule, back when it technically wasn't yet illegal
>memories of a friend of mine proudly showing me his illegally downloaded copy of Episode 1 in 1999
Are you mentally deficient?
>> No. 418058 Anonymous
23rd June 2018
Saturday 1:30 pm
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>>418055

It still staggers me how recently 4:3 and SD was the standard, and how I was absolutely fine watching that on a 14" CRT.

My sisters are only around ten years younger than me and they thought I was taking the piss the first time I talked about that, and also the first digital camera I saw which took one picture on a floppy disk. I think our school got a grant to buy it.
>> No. 418060 Anonymous
23rd June 2018
Saturday 1:58 pm
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>>418058

I had a Hewlett Packard PhotoSmart C200 camera as my first digital camera in early 2000. It could do 1 megapixel pictures at 1152 x 872, but no video. You couldn't even use it as a webcam, although you could plug it into a TV via RCA connectors to display your pictures. It cost the best part of 300 quid.

It had 8 MB internal flash memory and took CompactFlash cards up to 32 MB. Even a 16 MB CompactFlash card was around £30 at the time. Picture transfer from the camera to the PC was via serial. But this was no USB serial connection, but the old-style serial interface which fucking took forever. So eventually I bought a USB CompactFlash card reader.

You teenfolk today have no idea how good you have it.
>> No. 418069 Anonymous
23rd June 2018
Saturday 10:26 pm
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>>418060
I remember things like this whenever I look at my phone. It's almost impossible to describe to younger people how so many devices which cost thousands of pounds are all sat inside their, not even top of the range phones.
>> No. 418070 Anonymous
23rd June 2018
Saturday 10:38 pm
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>>418069
Why is it 'impossible to describe'? I assume you're not incapable of understanding how pocket calculators cost a thousand pounds, and black and white postage-stamp-sized televisions cost several thousands, when they first came to market?
>> No. 418077 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 12:00 am
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>>418069

Or just take the old pocket LCD games that were popular in the mid-80s when I was a weelad. They were about the size of a smartphone, so it's a fair comparison. Today, 30 years on, you can play full HD computer games on your smartphone that look like fully animated movies.

My older brother has been dead seventeen years now. As an engineer, he was pretty big on all the tech geek stuff. But to think he never had a flat screen LCD TV, never saw a Blu-Ray movie, no Netflix, he had no wi-fi laptop, never owned any Bluetooth devices, and never even had a smartphone or used an app, is just mind blowing. I sometimes wonder what he would think of the world if he could rise from the dead.

It's amazing when you think what all has happened in technology since about the year 2000 or 2001. Even to an engineer like him, I would have to explain so much. VHS cassettes were still the highest selling carrier format for movies in 2000. Most homes had bulky CRT televisions and your holiday pictures were taken on 35mm film which you had to take to a place to have developed. I don't think there was a previous time in history where we came so far so fast.

Like Arthur C. Clarke said... any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
>> No. 418079 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 2:02 am
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>>418077

>Like Arthur C. Clarke said... any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
>> No. 418086 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 6:44 am
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>>418070

It's not that it's impossible to describe, it's just that it's hard for the younger person to fully grasp the myriad subtle differences between then and now because of that. The different, parallel way of thinking that comes about from having distinct, clunky progenitors capable of doing everything we can do today, just much slower.

I think the best analogy to give is that of my late 90s/early 2000s Internet girlfriend (which again, thanks to the likes of Tinder and POF is something they wouldn't grasp the implications of). We type fucked each other for hours but back then, you couldn't exactly just grab a webcam and show your bits to each other. Cameras started to get a bit more mainstream after 2003 or so and that's when I saw my first personalised, pixellated pussy pic- Which was a treasure to behold, because in order to take that photo and upload to send me, on the household PC, must have taken her hours if not days of planning.

It's the same as anything really. It's easy enough for me to remember the days of music only coming on tape and CD, but I'm still scarcely able to grasp how much more personal a person's record collection would have been to them in the 60s and 70s, the different social process music passed through. When I was a lad we used to all go round one kids bedroom to listen to his new Metallica CD or whatever, but then we'd immediately make tape copies and share it around. Even before Napster music piracy was easy and stopped us buying Metallica CDs, but most importantly gave us access to far more choice of music than people would have had in decades before.

Anyway I'm rambling.
>> No. 418089 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 12:49 pm
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>>418086
>It's the same as anything really. It's easy enough for me to remember the days of music only coming on tape and CD, but I'm still scarcely able to grasp how much more personal a person's record collection would have been to them in the 60s and 70s, the different social process music passed through. When I was a lad we used to all go round one kids bedroom to listen to his new Metallica CD or whatever, but then we'd immediately make tape copies and share it around.

Cassette tapes were really the gold standard for portable audio from the mid-70s to about the mid-90s. And you have to admire the fact that as time passed, manufacturers were able to produce very good quality magnetic tape considering the format constraints of a very narrow tape, run at quite slow speed, compared to reel to reel home audio machines or studio-quality tape recorders. If you used chrome or metal tapes and taped your music off your CDs using mid-range cassette decks, you could get very decent sound quality.

Of course they are entirely obsolete technology now, and although I love old hi fi equipment and have an appreciation for dead carrier formats, I would struggle to name any reason at all why you should use cassette tapes today.

I dusted off my old Onkyo cassette deck a few months ago and dug up some of my old cassettes from back then which were taped off CDs with this very tape deck. I have to say when played over my upmarket amp and speakers that I own now, it sounds pretty darn good, and you will have trouble telling a well made cassette recording from 25 years ago from a 256 kbps mp3 of today. The only reliablie giveaway is the tape's background noise during silences.

Next to reel to reel, probably the best sound quality you could achieve in home tape recording was by using a VHS hi-fi video recorder though. I sometimes used to tape CDs and music off the radio onto VHS tape on my parents' hi-fi stereo VCR which was able to record a stereo input signal using the tape's entire width in audio-only mode. This resulted in near-studio quality. And I still have VHS tapes on which I recorded many consecutive hours of BBC Radio 1 in the early 90s. Which proved to be a quite peculiar time capsule in its own right when I listened to some of those tapes recently.

Anyway, Techmoan did a video on cassette tapes a while ago:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVoSQP2yUYA
>> No. 418090 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 1:32 pm
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>>418089

>I still have VHS tapes on which I recorded many consecutive hours of BBC Radio 1 in the early 90s. Which proved to be a quite peculiar time capsule in its own right when I listened to some of those tapes recently.

I can imagine.

I went on a Youtube binge watching late 90s TV adverts and it was a complete mindfuck if I'm being totally honest. Adverts are such a massive reflection of the prevailing culture.

I can imagine radio being similar, only even more exaggerated. Those radio stations are what people used to listen to all day every day at the office or in the warehouse, but I bet the times haven't changed as much as it sometimes feels like they have when you reflect on something like that.
>> No. 418091 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 1:35 pm
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>>418090
YOU COULD BUY THAT HORSE OF YOURS, LET ALONE BACK IT
>> No. 418092 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 1:46 pm
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>>418091

Fucking hell. I was probably 12 when that advert was on and I still remember it.

There's a bit where one of them looks directly into the camera and says "what was the number again?" which even as a child seemed out of place. Nobody else could hear the narrator. Just him.
>> No. 418093 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 2:20 pm
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>>418092

What disturbs me is I can almost recite the thing word for word.

I've got an absolute certainty.
Three thirty at Kempton.

They must have run that fucking advert every single ad break on all channels for five years.
>> No. 418094 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 2:31 pm
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>>418090

For some reason unknown to me today, I have one VHS tape where I just recorded BBC Radio 1 four hours nonstop on a Saturday night. I probably must have thought that it was going to be indeed a time capsule that would be interesting to listen to one day. Going by the music that was played during those four hours, I was able to put the recording date at somewhere around the end of 1992, because some of the most recent songs on it seemed to be Sleeping Satellite by Tasmin Archer, Keep The Faith by Bon Jovi, and Just Another Day by John Secada. And googling the news events that were mentioned in the Radio 1 news bulletins, I was then able to pinpoint it to late October of 1992.

I've been thinking about digitising it with Audacity into one big file, but it turns out that my laptop's line-in is complete shit, it can only do mono, and even that is piss poor quality. Reading up on the problem on the Internet, it turns out that many budget laptops scrimp on things like your sound card, meaning you will get decent quality audio-out for playback over your hi-fi stereo system, but your line-in connection is an afterthought at best. So I will probably have to get a proper USB sound card that has stereo audio input.

I would love to upload it somewhere and then post the link for you lads here, but even if copyright for a random BBC Radio 1 live broadcast could be hard to justify after nearly 26 years, it does contain dozens of copyrighted songs.
>> No. 418095 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 2:45 pm
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>>418093

I haven't watched TV since 2008 but I googled that advert about a year ago since it sticks in my head so much and I remember it so extremely vividly. There isn't another advert that comes close. I only have hazy memories of all the others.
>> No. 418096 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 2:49 pm
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>>418086

Young people understand that technology used to be shit, but you can't really convey the speed and magnitude of how our lives have changed. Progress used to happen gradually and more-or-less linearly, but then digital technology arrived and brought with it exponential progress. We grew up in a world that is utterly foreign to them. Our houses were full of stuff that they've only seen in museums. Our days were full of absurd little errands that technology has rendered obsolete.

Going to the chemist to get your holiday photos developed, only to discover that you'd left the lens cap on. Standing in the hall having a whispered phone conversation with your girlfriend. Your dad popping his head around the door to complain about you running up his phone bill. Waiting outside the cinema for your mates, not knowing if they're going to turn up and not knowing what to do if they don't. Chipping in 50p each and sending your oldest-looking mate in to the newsagents to buy a wank mag. Having a penpal in Belgium and feeling guilty about not writing to them. Queuing up at the building society to withdraw £10 from your savings account.

The girl in WH Smiths looking daggers at you because you've been in there for hours just reading the magazines. Reading about records that you had no chance of hearing, because the two record shops in town don't sell anything like that. Writing in to the letters page of the NME. Listening to your mates talk about a brilliant TV programme that you missed and will never be able to see. Arguing about what to watch and who's going to get up and change the channel. "For a factsheet about this programme, send a large SAE to BBC Television, London, W12 7RJ." The telly going off at midnight after the national anthem.

Listening to the same two tapes and reading the same magazine for eleven hours on the National Express to Glasgow. Playing a game of Pontoon with a stranger because there's nothing else to do. A couple of students standing outside McDonalds, giving out photocopies of a hand-written leaflet about animal rights. Renting a video because the lad in the shop reckons it's boss. Getting charged 50p extra because you forgot to rewind it. Arguing for hours about who scored the decider in the 1971 cup final. Not knowing something and not knowing how to find the answer. Having a little pocket diary with a list of phone numbers at the back. Knowing who your really good mates were, because you knew their phone numbers off by heart.

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.
>> No. 418097 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 2:55 pm
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>>418096

I remember being on the edge of sleep and some idiom popped into my head and I wondered what it meant. There was no way to find out and it was bugging me so I forced myself to forget it. The next day I went in the library and saw they had an idiom dictionary. I was kicking myself.
>> No. 418098 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 3:00 pm
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>>418096

Contender for a sentimental POTY.

>Not knowing something and not knowing how to find the answer.

This is easily the biggest one. I obviously still consult detailed works if I want an in-depth understanding of anything, but to be able to quickly refer to a starting point, from anywhere -- that's made a remarkable change to my everyday life.
>> No. 418099 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 3:03 pm
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I read bits of this in the library when I was about 14 and was too embarrassed to take it out, but what bits I read, I masturbated to for years. I bought the book as an adult and it's hilarious. Robin Ince had a chapter about it in his "Bad Book Club" book.
>> No. 418100 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 3:04 pm
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>> No. 418101 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 3:15 pm
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>>418100
I typed out a condemnatory response to this cartoon but what's the point.
>> No. 418102 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 3:20 pm
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>>418096

>Waiting outside the cinema for your mates, not knowing if they're going to turn up and not knowing what to do if they don't.

I talked about this with some friends a while ago. They raised an important point - back then, if you said you were going to meet your friends at the cinema at 7 pm, you made very sure that you were going to make it there at the specified time. Because you had no way of contacting them letting them know you were going to be 20 minutes late, the only way not to piss them off was to be more or less punctual within a few minutes.

>Renting a video because the lad in the shop reckons it's boss.

In the days before there were smartphones, whenever I was going to pop down to the video store round the corner to get a DVD, I first browsed new rental DVD releases online and checked their IMDb scores. And with a mental list of the highest rating new releases in my head, I would then go to the video store and try to see if they had any of them on DVD, and if I was then lucky enough that not all copies of a particular movie were already checked out that evening.

This was just ten years ago, so really not a long time. But pretty much everything about it, from looking for good movies on your desktop PC at home to popping down to the small neighbourhood DVD rental place and hoping they would have the movies you wanted that night have become increasingly obsolete, with Netflix and what-have-you.

>A couple of students standing outside McDonalds, giving out photocopies of a hand-written leaflet about animal rights

You kind of really wish yourself back to the days when interest groups organised small local events like that, and didn't flood the Internet with outrage shitstorms.

> Arguing for hours about who scored the decider in the 1971 cup final. Not knowing something and not knowing how to find the answer.

That's another thing that I talked about with my friends the other night. We all remember endless nights spent in pubs getting into heated debates while knocking back our pints, about things we thought we knew, factoids we were willing to defend to the death, and getting away with it because sat in our pub there that night, we had no possible way of finding out the actual truth. It's kind of a good thing that a quick look on the Internet on your smartphone while you're still in the pub can settle such a dispute instantly now, but then again, in its own way, it really isn't.

>Knowing who your really good mates were, because you knew their phone numbers off by heart.

It just occurred to me the other day that I have no other record of my friends' phone numbers besides what I have on my smartphone. I still remember the landline phone numbers from my two or three best friends from school from 20 or 30 years ago, and I could probably recite them to you in an instant if you woke me up at 3am and put a gun to my head. But I don't even know the landline phone number in my head of a lad who has been one of my best friends for over 12 years now.

Weirdly, not even my mum can always remember my landline home phone number now. And not because of old age, but because I've put the number on her speed dial at home and her (non-smartphone) mobile phone. And I've had this number for some 16 years now.
>> No. 418103 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 3:26 pm
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Don't forget the dark days of dial-up and having to disconnect from the internet if your mum wanted to make a call or when the internet went down and you couldn't go on porn so you'd end up searching offline through the image cache in the hope of finding something titillating.
>> No. 418104 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 3:31 pm
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I like when we have discussions like this.

I've been ruminating lately on what lead me into a position where I am so (relatively) socially isolated. I still have mates of course, but it's nothing like I used to have in younger years, where people used to just agree mutually to meet at a certain bar or hangout location and that was that.

Part of it is just age, responsibility, the nature of life. But I'm half convinced it's social media too. I converted late, you see, and when I did get on Facebook etc I had no idea what it was really all about. I shied away from groups andfrom chat, because to me it was a scary, intrustive version of the platforms I already knew (phone, texts and MSN). I kept seeing how people would upload photos of their nights out and everything and resented how I'd get tagged and potentially seen by one mate hanging out with another he/she didn't like, everyone would see my hapless attempts to get with lasses, and all that kind of nonsense drama. Over the course of a few years I believe it put me in a self-perpetuating cycle of social avoidance.

When I actually think about it completely honestly I feel as though it's nonsense to say I'd prefer things going back to "the way they used to be" and all it comes with. But I wish there was a divergent timeline where we have the same technology, but nobody had ever thought of making Myspace, Bebo, Facebook et al into a thing. I think it would be a healthier and better world in countless ways.
>> No. 418105 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 3:33 pm
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>>418096

I'm barely in my thirties and still identify with all of this. I grew up watching these changes, so I've experienced both sides of it. Getting a mobile phone was huge, especially as our parents seemed to equate it with being safe - curfews disappeared as long as we had a fiver topped up.
>> No. 418106 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 3:37 pm
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>>418103

My first porn collection consisted of tiny images (by today's standards) that I stored on 3.5'' floppy disks.

Which I usually looked at using a pirated copy of some image viewing software, because Windows 98 had no native built-in picture browser functionality.

Oh yeah, and I sometimes forgot to hide my porn disks. My dad occasionally used my computer to print out some of his work related stuff or make copies of his floppy disks from work, so one time he shouted down to me from the upstairs room, with my mum listening, "Anon, I need to copy this disk from work, but all I can find here here is a floppy disk with some porn pictures on it. Will it be ok if I overwrite your disk?".
>> No. 418107 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 3:39 pm
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>>418104

I think MSN was the great equaliser in my world. EVERYONE at my school would be on there, all night, people would add their entire contact lists into a group convo, and you'd talk to people from school you'd never said a word to. I don't think the same things happen with 13 year olds these days, I don't think the spontaneous conversations happen that way on instagram or twitter or whatever.

Myspace was very similar in that anyone could message anyone - I met girls on there, for fucks sake. I don't believe you could ever hope to chat someone up on facebook, or maybe any social site, because of the implications of privacy and such. But back in msn days all you needed was an email, and for Myspace, everyone added everyone. I was in a band so immediately I got added by everyone who went to a gig, and I pulled many times that way and met friends also. I'm going to the wedding of a girl I met through myspace next month after I commented on one of her profile pictures. If I had done the same today, I would assume the most interaction I'd have got was a like on my comment.
>> No. 418108 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 3:49 pm
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>>418106
>"Anon, I need to copy this disk from work, but all I can find here here is a floppy disk with some porn pictures on it. Will it be ok if I overwrite your disk?".

As least your dad was nice enough to ask first.
>> No. 418109 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 3:54 pm
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>>418107
>I think MSN was the great equaliser in my world. EVERYONE at my school would be on there

Apart from the saddacts using Yahoo Messenger.

This only ever happened with female friends, but I remember either being at their house or them being at mine and we'd actually take it in turns to go on MSN whilst everyone else sat and watched them chat. It's really bizarre looking back on it.

It was a great way of connecting with people. It was also brilliant for trying to get lasses you barely knew to flash their chest on webcam; even if most of them would leave their bra on I've never valued the printscreen key more. They also used to have 18+ chatrooms early on and, looking back on that, I'm pretty sure I was groomed by a Canadian lass obsessed with wolves who'd use pizza as the codeword for when she wanted to cyber.

The last time I had anything resembling the MSN experience was when I ended up with an email penpal for a while after connecting with someone on Flockdraw about five years back.

>I don't believe you could ever hope to chat someone up on facebook, or maybe any social site, because of the implications of privacy and such.

Faceparty felt like a cross between a dating site and MySpace. I met some good people on there about 15 years ago I'm still in contact with now, albeit sporadically. I started using that when I was about 14 and when I changed my sexuality on that to bisexual I had so many adult men messaging me for sex; I imagine that's what it feels like being a woman on the internet all the time.
>> No. 418110 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 4:30 pm
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>>418109

In the earliest of days that we had online access at home, I once met a lass in a chat room who said she was 17. So we chatted for a while, and then some more the next day. So at some point I asked for her photo. What I then got from her was a picture of somebody who looked conspicuously young even for seventeen (I was 22 at the time, so seventeen would have been just about barely ok for me). So I kept prying and she said she was really fourteen. As far as I am aware, this was before modern-day Internet grooming laws, but I still could have got in a whole lot of trouble, so I broke it off at that point because I really had no interest in having anything to do with fourteen year olds. The last thing she said to me was that she was sorry, and that she only said she was seventeen because she knew I wasn't going to want to talk to her if I knew she was only 14.

Well yes, obviously. I was 22 and getting ready to finish uni, for fucks sake.


>Faceparty felt like a cross between a dating site and MySpace. I met some good people on there about 15 years ago I'm still in contact with now, albeit sporadically. I started using that when I was about 14 and when I changed my sexuality on that to bisexual I had so many adult men messaging me for sex;

That kind of happened to me on another chat portal, I forget which one; for some reason, when I signed up, I mistakenly set my sexuality as "not specified" (I'm straight). I put up one of my best pictures, I really was a looker twenty years ago. And right away, I got quite a few requests from gay old men on that chat portal. One bloke in his 50s even offered to pay for a first-class train ticket from anywhere in the country if I was going to come visit him for a weekend. One gay lad then pointed out to me that I had put my sexuality as "not specified", and that surely, that was an indication that I didn't want everybody to know I was gay. It then died down noticeably when I changed it to "straight", but my impression was that those chat portals still had gay people just randomly trying to contact me. Or maybe they had been lurking on my profile page all along and thought they'd give it a shot regardless.
>> No. 418111 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 4:47 pm
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>>418110
The worst was when this man, who must have been in his thirties, wrapped a towel around a load of balloons filled with warm water and proceeded to fuck the hole in the middle on camera.
>> No. 418112 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 5:23 pm
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>>418111

One thing that has always struck me is that older gay men seem to be incredibly pushy. I really don't mean this to offend any of you gaylads on .gs, but it wasn't just those gay blokes on that chat portal, but two of my parents' oldest friends, a travel acquaintance from 30 years ago, came out to us as gay when they split up about three years ago. Well, we always had our suspicions, after all, they were two middle aged unmarried bachelors who were never seen with any women and who had spent every single holiday together for thirty years (one reason why they never moved in together or got married was that the younger bloke's parents are deeply religious evangelical Christians and probably never would have talked to their son again). Anyway, so then when the older one of them told my mum that they had just split up and he asked how I was doing because he hadn't seen me in a long time, my mum said that I was single and still in no real hurry to settle down and have kids. So he then asked for my phone number because it was my birthday and he wanted to congratulate me in person. We talked for a few minutes and then I kind of got the feeling that he was beginning to act strangely. In a way that just made me feel deeply uncomfortable, not simply because he was gay and I'm not, but because he was also one of my parents' oldest friends. He then invited me to visit him some time, and I said, "maybe... we'll see..." He then called again a few times and was really becoming pushy about wanting to see me. So eventually I stopped picking up the phone, even when it was ringing ten times in a row with his number on the display. He then complained to my mum that he could never reach me (thankfully, he didn't have my mobile number), and my mum said I was out of the country a lot, and a few other excuses. Eventually, he lost interest and I understand he now has a new partner now. But boy, he was pushy. And again, I really don't want to offend any gays, but he just seemed pushy in a way that I can't imagine ever being towards a woman as a straight lad myself.
>> No. 418113 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 5:30 pm
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>>418111

I saw a man stick his dick in a cooked chicken on tinychat, but your balloon story sounds worse.
>> No. 418114 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 5:37 pm
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>>418112

>One thing that has always struck me is that older gay men seem to be incredibly pushy.

It's just men. You've only noticed the gay guys being pushy because you're a man. Practically every woman has a story about being creeped on by a man old enough to be their father. You don't see it happening because sexual predators don't like witnesses.
>> No. 418115 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 5:39 pm
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>>418110
Good lad but I don't think you would have been in trouble before she sent you a picture of her braces and training bra anyway - it's a defence for you to reasonably believe someone is not underage.
>> No. 418116 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 5:44 pm
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>>418113

Remember the old joke...

A guy walks into a brothel one night and says to the madam, "I am in the mood for something really disgusting tonight". So the madam says, "Well, there's a Thai ladyboy just down the hall who will fuck you in the arse bareback and then eat it out". The man goes and has sex with the ladyboy, and then comes back and says, "That was fun, but not quite kinky enough!". So the madam says, "Hm, well how about this here next door, we've got a table stacked with raw plucked chickens that you can stick your knob in and fuck, as many in a row as you want!". The guy goes and fucks the chickens, and then comes back and says, "Boy, that was even more fun! But I need something STILL more sick than this!". And so the matron goes, "Well, we have a little theatre here where people do gross things on stage and you can watch them". So the guy goes into the theatre room and sees two lads in dresses wanking each other off on the stage. And so the guy says to the lad next to him, "Ugh, that just does nothing for me. Not kinky enough.". And the lad says, "You should have been here ten minutes ago. There was a guy on the stage fucking a whole stack of raw chickens!"
>> No. 418117 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 5:52 pm
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>>418114

I'm not sure you can equate being uncomfortably pushy with being a sexual predator. Making somebody feel deeply uncomfortable isn't the same as abusing them sexually.

I felt deeply weirded out by my parents' gay friend and it made me very uncomfortable, but I would never go as far as labelling him a sexual predator for his unwelcome advances.
>> No. 418118 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 5:55 pm
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>>418117
If he'd had half the chance he'd have slipped something in your drink and you'd have woken to find he'd also slipped something up your arse.
>> No. 418119 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 5:59 pm
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I always marvel at some guys' inability to tell when someone isn't faintly or remotely into them. How can you fail to notice that?
>> No. 418120 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 6:08 pm
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>>418118

Do you have anything to base that claim on, other than wild conjecture?
>> No. 418122 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 6:11 pm
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>>418120
All those negs aren't going to poz themselves.
>> No. 418123 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 6:18 pm
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>>418119

Most lads who struggle are conpletely unaware of such a thing as body language and other nonverbal cues.

In a nutshell, it isn't hard at all to spot the signs that a woman is interested in you. If you know what to look for, and unless she is a mental bint who enjoys playing guessing games, there are solid clues, all the time. Women express their emotional state a great deal more through body language than most men ever will.

By the same token, if these clues continue to be absent, whether you have been chasing somebody for weeks or have just been talking to her all night long without much of a response in that respect, it's best to do everybody involved a favour and just move on.

It's really not difficult. Unless you're a complete aspie, you can really actually learn with a decent enough success rate what exactly to look out for when talking to a woman.
>> No. 418124 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 6:18 pm
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>>418102
> I still remember the landline phone numbers from my two or three best friends from school from 20 or 30 years ago, and I could probably recite them to you in an instant if you woke me up at 3am and put a gun to my head.

The first time I realized that I'd really crossed the line into full on psychosis was when, during psychiatric triage a few years ago (during which I insisted I was just fine can I go now?), they asked me for a contact phone number to let someone know where I was and I sat and stared at them in shock as it settled in that I couldn't for the life of me remember my mum's landline number - a number a I can usually recall faster than my own birthday, and definitely a lot faster than what today's date might possibly be. It was like the time I ended up staring at the PIN pad in Tesco unable to remember the PIN I'd used multiple times a day for years only infinitely worse, like not remembering your own name or mistaking your wife for a fucking hat.

PS: I enjoyed the nostalgia earlier in thread even if I missed out on being able to participate. More of this sort of thing!
>> No. 418125 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 6:34 pm
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>>418124

I remember when my grandma had a brain haemmorhage in 1999 and her best friend went to check on her after she failed to turn up for something and found her unconscious at home (she had a spare key) and called the ambulance then speed dialed number 1 on her desk phone.

I was 19 and staying with my parents at that time so I answered the phone and said I'd get my mum to phone her back. I told my mum and she looked at me blankly and said "What's her phone number?", out of shock I think because she 1,000,000% definitely knew that phone number. I still know it and my grandma's been dead since 1999.
>> No. 418126 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 6:54 pm
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>>418124

My mum is in her 70s now, and sometimes I worry that she might tick over into Alzheimer's.

Her cherished ritual is her afternoon nap after a good lunch, and then sometimes when I ring her up a bit too early, she'll answer the phone and sound like she is beginning to lose it. Last week, I called her from work just after 2 pm, and she said, "Oh it's you... tell me dear, you weren't just here and took the bins out, were you?". No, mum, I have been twenty miles away from you, at my work, for five bloody hours now, and we last saw each other Sunday.

But then she usually comes around and just says, "Oh... well... must have been a dream I had earlier".

I'm not always sure if that's really just because I woke her up in the middle of her nap, or if she is getting to be a little funny in the head.

---

You requested more tech nostalgia -- when was the last time you had a TV repairman around? There isn't really much anybody can do to fix your big LCD TV inside your home these days, because it's likely going to be either an unfathomable software error or some tiny little SMD capacitor blew up that nobody has any way of replacing. And with budget livingroom-sized flat screen TVs now costing no more than £300, it's hardly worth having somebody around who can't do much anyway and will still charge 100 quid an hour for his work.

Back when I was a weelad in the mid-80s, a CRT television set was a big investment, the larger ones cost some £500 and more, mind you, in 1985 money. And the technology was incredibly basic compared to today, and any TV repairman with an assortment of generic resistors and electrolytic caps in his toolbox could get to work and get your TV back into shipshape in no time. I can actually remember one time that we had somebody in to fix our TV set, and he sat down at our livingroom table with a removed circuit board from inside the TV and was replacing a blown cap with his soldering iron. I vaguely remember that the bill was then for something like £50.
>> No. 418127 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 7:03 pm
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>>418126

I remember the TV would switch itself off and you had to give it a slap to get it going again.
>> No. 418128 Anonymous
24th June 2018
Sunday 7:06 pm