|>>|| No. 418574
Right, ladmates. One of you must be guilty of this horrifying, yet oddly scintillating, review for a bog plunger on Amazon. No one but you could think to write this:
5.0 out of 5 stars
First ever 'emergency' Amazon purchase. 10/10, wouldn't do again.
8 February 2018
I got to a point in my life this week in the decisions I had made, that meant I needed to buy an emergency plunger. A period of extreme mastication in the week prior, of largely coffee and stuff with bread in, on or around it, came to a head with a log on Wednesday night that was the size of a mid-teenagers' forearm. Peering down in shame at the depth charge that crashed into the porcelain below, I panicked and thrust my ungainly trotters at the flush button. Like a modern-day curtain-raising on opening night, the fetid bum-water rushed down but the package stayed put, defiant and proud. Over and over and over again, and I made it worse each time. The sweat rushing down my unloving features, I left it as it was and went to sleep.
I power-walked home the next night, to be there in time for the delivery of this thing, and in customary fashion it appeared in the packaging as if I bought an aquarium or a plus-sized sex swing. I tore the box asunder as if it was a multipack of Freddos, and set to work. Initially, I got the mixture (think Nutella in the microwave for roughly 47 seconds) up my shins and in my hair as the initial fact-finding was turning into a bit of a faff. Retreating for a moment to read the instructions that are right there on the side of the plunger, I got to work.
It was glorious. The pipe wheezed as the plunger blasted my coffee-baby with the level of gusto that initially introduced it into this cold, unforgiving world. Partly that, and partly the iceberg of baby wipes I had accumulated because I like my southern star feeling as if I'm in the Bodyform advert from the late nineties. It was done. I had tasted victory, the plunger caked in excrement but I'll be damned if it wasn't born to do this. Monumental success, and this product made it all possible. I will never forget what happened here.