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>> No. 18262 Anonymous ## Mod ##
5th March 2014
Wednesday 8:27 pm
18262 Please check the old pages for similar threads Locked Stickied
before creating a new one.
Failure to do so may result in angry shouting.
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>> No. 29363 Anonymous
2nd February 2020
Sunday 12:12 pm
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Go here if you want to talk to someone one-on-one: https://discord.gg/Nwn8b29

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>> No. 31490 Anonymous
21st January 2022
Friday 10:27 pm
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How do I square the circle that I've always believed you should live life passionately rather than in a state of sleepwalking but that with age you just stop caring at work. I'm lucky enough to have an incredibly interesting career but I've still reached the point of going through the motions.

I don't really want to throw things away or play silly buggers in my 30s but I'm tired and it's hard to care. Everyone is a fucking idiot and it all gets pointless when nothing actually gets done.
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>> No. 31491 Anonymous
21st January 2022
Friday 10:34 pm
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Unless you're incredibly lucky, work isn't real life, it's the thing you do to support your actual life, in which you can find things to be passionate about.

I don't hate my job or anything, but it's never going to be the highlight of my week. I do try to take on new projects I might care about, or try and develop other, younger colleagues, but other than that, I'm quite content to gather money for not much effort, because it means I can spend my energy at home on things I love, like arguing on the internet.

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>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
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>> No. 31485 Anonymous
20th January 2022
Thursday 10:29 am
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>>31484
Yes, my girlfriend and I are currently seeing an NHS psychosexual therapist. We've only had one appointment so far, but I have some reservations about her - there are some videos on YouTube of her being interviewed where she e.g. refers to pornography being mostly negative and praising the 'nofap movement'. Also in our session she recommended we watch 'Sex Love and Goop' on Netflix, which I didn't realise was a show by Gwyneth Paltrow of all people. The Guardian gave it a decent review though so I will give it a go.
>> No. 31486 Anonymous
20th January 2022
Thursday 8:09 pm
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>>31485
Just this recognition has been enough to encourage basic research on what's available.
Thanks for excusing my awful typos.
>> No. 31487 Anonymous
20th January 2022
Thursday 10:20 pm
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>>31485
>refers to pornography being mostly negative and praising the 'nofap movement''
My missus is a therapist and holds one of the few licenses that actually allow her to treat couples or families in a single session (I'm a yanklad, I'm sure the rules are different in the UK, but mental health care in the US is arguably one of the few things they do best if you can afford it). It seems like a pretty bad sign in a therapist that she's willing to be on record about her negative opinions on porn/masturbation, when most of her job is being impartial and non-judgemental. You're absolutely right to have reservations, though if she is a good therapist then you should be able to air them in your session without her just ribbiting "well I'm the expert here".

My partner had a previous position where she dealt primarily with the Mormon community. A lot of her clients were blokes who looked at porn once while their wife was away, and the bishop would find out and basically rule that they had a sex addiction and needed therapy to address it. She's not a Mormon, and had no qualms telling them that they don't have a sex addiction despite what their higher-ups in the church told them, but her colleague were Mormon and genuinely did think that these clients had committed a serious sin, even cheated on their partner because they bashed one off over some softcore porn.

All this to say, finding a good therapist is hard, and the NHS doesn't have a great system in place for helping you (at least, it didn't when I was around). You're lucky to even be seeing a specialist, and I assume you went through a year of appointments with old dears with no clinical qualifications or experience whose entire job was to ask you a list of questions off a clipboard.

If you've got the means about you, just go private on this one.
>> No. 31488 Anonymous
21st January 2022
Friday 9:51 am
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Not sure if this is /emo/ or /101/ material but I'm fucking seething.

You know what, sometimes, just sometimes, it really fucks me off how the people who are least deserving of it, will just have opportunities land in their lap without having to lift a finger.

How they'll go through their entire life never truly earning anything, just mooching off the people around them, until one day they just strike lucky in a way they truly and fucking utterly do not deserve, and end up better off than people who have worked hard their whole lives for nothing. I'm not even talking in the usual wealthy, privileged sense, that's a different matter. I just mean when some people, regardless of their background, are utterly jammy cunts, despite the fact they're selfish arseholes; who just somehow have things handed to them, despite never lifting a finger to help anyone else out.

I am jealous and I don't think it's irrational to be jealous. Some people just quite literally don't deserve what they have. Do they remember and return in kind the generosity of the people who helped them out when they had nothing? Do they fuck. Just take, take, take.
>> No. 31489 Anonymous
21st January 2022
Friday 7:36 pm
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>>31488

Chicken or egg thing, I think. I'd wager having things handed to them on a plate is exactly what made them turn out as selfish individuals. They never had to learn the lesson about mutual cooperation and benefit.

Usually these people will come unstuck eventually, so just take comfort in that. They will struggle to form lasting relationships other than with people of their own kind, and end up very unhappy later in life.

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>> No. 31475 Anonymous
18th January 2022
Tuesday 11:14 pm
31475 Healthiest way to smoke weed?
This is a bit meandering. I'm not sure what the actual problem is, because the solutions are obvious. I think I just want to vent and look for people who may have similar experiences or proclivities.

I know the easy answer is weed vape, but it's too easy and I'll just end up stoned all the time again. I want to control my weed use like I've managed to with my alcohol. 11 years ago I was on a 70CL of Whyte & Mackay a night, 5 years ago I'd have to finish every drink in the house before I could call it a night. A couple of years ago I guess I got control of it and now it's absolutely no bother to have a spirits cabinet and leave beers in the fridge, and just have a single beer, or a single glass off wine and leave the bottle. I don't know what's changed. Same with sugar as well, I used to be a fucking fiend but now I can take it or leave it. Actual sugar I mean, not coke. Wanking's a tough one but it really depends on how busy I am.

So can I get there with weed, or is it too risky to try considering I obviously have an addictive personality?

I stopped blazin' a week ago. I've done this for the last 3 Januaries for a couple of weeks, never with the intention of 'quitting' but just gaining some control over it. Of course when I felt in control, I'd go back to smoking every day because I was doing nothing bar work and video games. Now I'm doing an AAT level 3 which would be my first qualification since my incredibly useful Classics degree, and I think that will help galvanize me because I don't want to be forgetting everything I learn and I actually need some sort of credibility in my industry.

I've been smoking most days since uni, and basically every day since I graduated 10 years ago. Maybe a gram of whatever a day on average, always mixed with baccy. I used to use it for specific reasons, because it stopped me feeling sad about relationship dramas or relaxed me or it was with mates or, or...but then a few years ago it just became an all-the-time thing. Before work at the bar, before work at the call center, but only once or twice since I got into accounting and only when I was really fucked off about something.

I don't really like this. I don't know how to unwind without weed; video games don't work, reading doesn't work, meditation doesn't work although I could give it more of a shot. And while I should definitely not be smoking every day for no reason, a joint definitely has a use. I never used to smoke pure weed rollups because it burned my throat in a kind of weird way, almost like an excess of mint. I tried again for the first time in a decade or so this December and had none of that, I couldn't feel any physical sensation in the throat at all tbh, which I assume is because of the cumulative damage - but I then realized the sensation I crave is the burn of some mildly dry baccy/weed mix, and the feeling I want is of being a little bit blazed but by no means monged. I've avoided stuff like Amnesia now because it's just couch-lock and I'm kind of past that (and fucking Star 'Dawg', what the hell is that? Tastes like petrol).

I'm also down to...well, I've had 2 cigarettes today, usually I have up to 10-12 when I'm working and zero when I'm just at home doing nothing because why smoke tabs when you can smoke joints when you've got no obligations? Anyway, quitting tabs isn't too big a problem, it's the weed that I'm going to always want. Same with booze, only I can easily keep bottles in the cabinet in the fridge without touching them, and I'm perfectly capable of just having one. Which I'm very proud of considering I tried

I feel almost uncomfortable with the moderately increased level of energy I have. I don't want to increased risk of dementia, but that actually looks like it's going the way of the dodo with recent advances so by the time it could hit me it'll probably be quite curable. I hope. But lung cancer won't be, and so I can't keep smoking baccy and shouldn't be inhaling plant matter regardless. Also it can't be good for my brain in general; I was never a good storyteller, and could never structure a joke properly, but I process information quickly, and retain knowledge very well, and I don't want that to decline faster than it has to. Also there's the apathy as well. I know I was always a bit detached and apathetic about people and their problems, unless I could actively solve them (in which case it's the problem rather than the person that I'm interested in), but it's not great.
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>> No. 31479 Anonymous
19th January 2022
Wednesday 1:32 am
31479 DR PinkiePoo
>>31475

I made the switch to a vape last January OP. Best decision I ever made because I suddenly didn't need to roll and go out for a joint anymore, I could just have a vape whenever I wanted. And that's what I did, when I felt the urge to smoke I went on the vape. I didn't satisfy a nicotine urge and I had to grin and bear with it, but I got stoned. And then something impressive happened. I started thinking "OH, I'll pack my vape and have a smoke" but then get distracted by something else, that's how I went my first day without smoking weed accidentally (aside from being in a drought) in over a decade, I just forgot. It's been a year and I vape once a week if I have occasion to.


As well a vape lets you control the high a lot more. Vape at 170-80 and you're not gonna be zonked, go higher, get more wrecked.

I used to structure my whole days around weed, get home in the evening from work and roll and smoke, then just do something for an hour or so before it was time to go out for the next one.

Weed has a psychological addiction but you're never going to tackle that if you don't deal with the very insidious and potent addiction that nicotine has over you first. Separate the 2 and figure out which is which. A year a go I'd never dream I'd be like I am now, I always wondered how I was gonna stop because I couldn't imagine life without a joint in the evening and I knew I was fucking my lungs as well. Well the thing driving it was nicotine, just I couldn't tell the difference.

Good luck OP
>> No. 31480 Anonymous
19th January 2022
Wednesday 4:49 am
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I know this will sound like a really trite answer, but have you tried psychedelics?

More drugs to help with your issues with drugs, I kniw; but the thing is with me, getting into psychedelics totally put me off weed. I was never an every day smoker because I never really had the opportunity to be, but I would smoke pretty often- At least weekly for most of my early 20s. But after I got into psychedelics for a bit, and had various trips with and without the use of cannabis, I had a quite powerful change in perspective on the stuff.

Frankly, I just realised I don't actually like it. I was smoking it because it was a drug, and it does a bit more to you than alcohol, when you want to be on a drug. But I don't actually like the effects- It never just chilled me out or anything like that, for me it always made me overanalyse things and become very socially anxious. I consciously ignored those negative aspects because I liked watching movies and getting way too deep into it, and because I thought being a stoner was cool. But when I was able to step back and look at it clearly in that ego-supressed tippy state, I saw that I wasn't actually getting much out of it. It was a waste of time and money.

Maybe it won't be the same for you because tour relationship with the substance itself is different, but I bet there will be some sort of inner profundity you can unlock on a bit of acid that will help you realise your goal. I'll only very occasionally smoke weed now, if I'm in the mood for it specifically (one of those long extra horny wanks for instance.)
>> No. 31481 Anonymous
19th January 2022
Wednesday 1:55 pm
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I can't be arsed to read all that wall on my phone but to answer the question, why not just eat it? Make some cannabutter or whatever, use it as a cooking ingredient. Make THC jelly babies if you want. None of it's very difficult and you can control the dose quite precisely.
>> No. 31482 Anonymous
19th January 2022
Wednesday 4:08 pm
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Probably not the advice you're looking for but marshmallow leaf is a reasonable substitute for tobacco. Get a good quality and you'll taste it, but it doesn't burn the same nor give that sluggy tobacco hit. Infact I stopped smoking gange shortly after substituting tobacco for marshmallow - it's just not the same.
>> No. 31483 Anonymous
19th January 2022
Wednesday 6:33 pm
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>>31475
I just got bored of the high as I got older, no longer enjoyed smoking socially and would just have the odd joint before bed. Realised it was a bit pointless smoking and going straight to sleep so just gradually stopped.

I still like to have a small bit of something to hand as I will smoke a joint maybe once every 3/4 months. The only time I really enjoy it now is if I'm out walking by myself in nature somewhere then a very small j can be quite nice. Otherwise I'm not fussed. I do still drink too much though. Dunno if that's any help really.

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>> No. 31414 Anonymous
10th January 2022
Monday 2:52 pm
31414 people felt this needed it's own thread so...
It has taken a lifetime of cruelty that I have bared with a grin to reach this point. But I fucking hate women.

I hate them because a narcissist delusion that they are always the victim and hard done by even when they are sickly spoilt, they aren't hard done by at all they are entitled. You know when you see someone who is used to getting their own way doesn't get their own way and they throw a tantrum, that's women, that's the entire modern fisherperson movement.

They have no concept of how minor their problems are, or that men can be treated like a level of human garbage that no one else will stick up for and expected to unfuck themselves, only to have women tell them the entire time how privileged they are and how we should all feel guilty that they have imagined they are fat by choosing to read beauty magazines. This is not some hypothetical extremes either this is real world situations I have been in.

You know why women make less than men. It is because the men who were making less were either driven to suicide (at a rate that if it was women would be seen as proof of sexual inequality but because it is men it doesn't count) or aren't counted because they are homeless and therefore unemployed ( again at a rate that would be considered definitive proof of sexual inequality if it was women), one pretty women gets murdered by one copper and middle England loses their collective minds. The suffering of men as victims of the majority of crimes is normalised and is irrelevant, an isolated incident for a woman is worthy of mass protest.

Women don't take the initiative to do the hard graft, they can fucking complain, but you don't see them changing jobs to work as petroleum engineers to get higher pay do you, no they want everything to change for them rather than to change the one thing they have control over? Why because if they tried make the change they would have to accept some responsibility for their failures, the way men have to.

The game is simple women are the victims even when they demonstrably aren't, domestic violence, a problem women preach how they are at danger of constantly and blah blah blah, in reality biggest domestic abusers... fucking women, safest relationship is a gay one. Most dangerous lesbian, they evidently can't control their natural feminine instincts for violence. And there is a vast list of situations that Women are objectively in a better status than men, but they don't count because they violate the mantra. Women are the victims of society isn't a point based On evidence it is an article of faith and no evidence to the contrary could ever change it. It wouldn't matter if women out performances men in every measurable sense in our societypeople would still be preaching women are the victims.

It is the equivalent of nazi Germany externalizing all of their problems and playing victim to a minority, even when they had the control and power, women run the world, or close enough at this point but spend all their time chasing shadows of imagined boggy men, they can blame for their failures. I can't play the game again it sickens me every time a man humours them and invalidates his own struggle just to try get laid. Men appealing to women's insecurities seems like a poison the women never learns to stop being self indulgent, and the man never acknowledges his own pain.

We do this to our fucking selves there is no toxic masculinity there is just an inability to talk about mens problems because women can't stand the idea they are fuck ups so we aren't allowed to talk about how men are shat upon. Because men aren't allowed their own space and men doing worse than women is considered 'problem solved'. We condition women to feel like they are hard done by even when they aren't. You want true equality start letting women fail the way men do and watch how they suddenly fall in line and stop complaining and start appreciating the value of what they have. Of course there are other mechanisms here society actually wants women to be needy narcists because needy women buy more shit. The consumer market seems driven by women buying clothes and children impulse buying shiny crap.
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>> No. 31470 Anonymous
17th January 2022
Monday 2:21 pm
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>>31468
>I think (on /emo/ at least) we should try to give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to evaluating their own experiences.

You should never be a dick on /emo/, but that doesn't mean people should never have their views and experiences challenged or you're at risk of creating an echo chamber.

When other replies to this thread include "I was told I was making a lady feel uncomfortable and made to feel like a sex pest when all I did was treat her like one of the lads" I would say that a bit of introspection is necessary. Rather than blaming other people, say, it may be worth reflecting on how some of these lads come across. When there's posters here who think it's acceptable to be the older guys preying on drunk 18 year olds during freshers week I think it's not a stretch to say there's a fair few creeps on here who need to take a hard look at themselves.

>I don't often see the same happening with sweeping observations about men just wanting sex or being violent or struggling with expressing themselves emotionally or other broadly accepted stereotypes.

When are they ever brought up here, apart from the instances when you lads get too horny and spend hours posting about fat lasses and their robust chins?
>> No. 31471 Anonymous
17th January 2022
Monday 4:02 pm
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>>31470
>You should never be a dick on /emo/, but that doesn't mean people should never have their views and experiences challenged

Very much agree. We created /emo/ as the kindest/safest space on the site, and we'll always make sure that's enforced - but this definitely isn't an echo chamber where people will automatically agree with you.
>> No. 31472 Anonymous
17th January 2022
Monday 5:14 pm
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>>31470
>>31471

I agree that we shouldn't create an echo chamber, what I'm saying is that just dismissing someone's observations which they've got through anecdotal experience with another anecdotal experience isn't very convincing or helpful.

I also don't think it's fair to push the whole responsibility of a perceived problem back onto the person expressing it. I would think the same if someone posted, "I'm lonely, and I think the problem is x" and someone responded "it's you, it's easy to meet people", or if another thread went "I've only ever had bad relationships, and I think it might be for y reason" is not always a case of "it's you, you spend time with the wrong people".
>> No. 31473 Anonymous
17th January 2022
Monday 7:21 pm
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>>31472
The person who posted >>31466 opened with "feel free to offer counterpoints or what have you" so I'm not really sure what your issue is?
>> No. 31474 Anonymous
18th January 2022
Tuesday 2:14 am
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>>31470

As the lad who posted in the first place and did indeed specifically say you're welcome to provide counterpoint, I will just say that I'm not at all miffed at you/whoever disagreeing with me. What does miff me is that it was really a pretty boilerplate response without much substance beyond empty contrarianism, and all it served to do is derailus into this kind of navel gazing nonsense. That's alright in a /news/ thread about BoJo's booze ups, but I do feel like /emo/ should be a place for good faith engagement.

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>> No. 31315 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 7:32 pm
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I never want to commit to anything because I'm scared that if I do I'll miss out other opportunities that are better. I'm coming up 30 and I've no fucking clue what I actually want to do with my life.

On paper my life is great. 50k salary likely to go up, lovely attractive girlfriend earning double what I do but not an arse about it, my health (as far as I know), family, reasonable friend circle. Just not quite happy and feel there must be more to life.

This is in everything from my career (try climbing the ladder without being specialised in case you want to do tech, or law, or something else), my attitude to life (do I leave things quite high level in case I want to pack it up and go travel?) and just generally everything.

I'm pretty miserable because of it. How do I commit to things and not worry about what might have been instead of always thinking I need to be able to immediately run from what I have to something else?
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>> No. 31318 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 8:47 pm
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>>31317
The unwritten book will always be perfect, right?
I'm not so sure that picking a route stops you from changing course - It'd lead you elsewhere, sure, but you can always turn around or take an unexpected direction. I do that all the time when out and about.
Plenty of people do a lot of stuff with their time. There's no reason why you couldn't persue multiple projects across your days, months and even years.

Do you feel that you're not doing enough? Not experiencing enough of life? Having mentioned travel specifically, is there anything you're particularly interested in seeing?
Have you watched "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" lately?
>> No. 31319 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 9:03 pm
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You are a living example of the hedonic treadmill effect in action.

No matter how much you have you'll always feel you're missing out on something, something that's just out of reach. I earn half what you do, I've got a nice but deeply flawed girlfriend, and I can count my friends on one hand. But I'm content. It's not that I don't have ambitions, but I have to be realistic in my scope, because I've never had the world laid out in front of me for my taking, everything has been an uphill struggle. Everything I do have, I'm pretty fucking grateful for, truth be told.

You might not think this is practical advice, you might not think it's helpful in real terms, but I constantly see people who are better off than me, yet less happy. I think there has to be something to it. The youngsters who start off at my place of work and discover the job isn't what they thought it'd be, and how quickly despondent they get. I wish they felt the way I do, glad to be there because at least it's not answering the phones all day for Plusnet or Curry's. I wish they knew what a really shit job was, not in a "could be worse" sense, but simply in order to have some perspective.

How adventurous has your life been? Did you do the "gap year" thing and go travelling or whatever, or have you been straight on that career path grind since uni? How often do you cut loose and go on a several day long drugs and booze bender? Have you slept with many women? I think all these questions have an effect on your ultimate outlook as you begin to stare down the barrel of middle age. You start to realise you don't have all the time in the world and you can't do everything. You only get one go. "And then one day you find... Ten years have got behind you..." etc.

Personally I did a lot of that in my youth- I mean, that's why I don't have the successful career you do, I fucked it all off to play at being a rock star. It was great fun for four or five years, but you can never go on like that forever, especially not as a complete povvo in reality. Ultimately though I think that's part of why I'm so content now, despite my modest circumstances. I think it's basically this reason why so many men have the typical mid-life crisis, whereas I can pretty reasonably say I've been there and done that.

It sounds to me like the reason you don't want to commit to things is because frankly, you're not ready to. You haven't satiated that youthful lust for adventure. You haven't lived enough to be content with it and settle down. It's not that there's more to life, it's just that you haven't had your fill to begin with. Once you've had enough, the desire to calm it down and plan for the longer term comes naturally, like putting your feet up after a long day of work and dunking a hob nob in your brew.
>> No. 31321 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 9:38 pm
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>>31318
Yes, yes I do, but I don't know if I'm being unrealistic. I have seen Walter Mitty and it's exactly what I had in mind except my life is probably a bit more rounded than his.

I'd love my Walter Mitty moment but I wonder if I'm being a stupid cunt and not accepting life isn't a fairytale.

I wish I'd done a bit more off the beaten path things. I've done a few, but not enough, but I'm not sure why that means I can't commit or pick a career. That's just me being unhappy with personal experiences.

>>31319
This post hits hard. I also started from a less than ideal place like you and am very much aware of the could be worse. I think that's the problem though, you lived your life and then got through it, I never really lived mine and so I'm scared that just jacking it all in and backpacking across aus or something will mean throwing away the material comfort I've built for myself.

Your post hit home, it is to do with running out of time. I just wonder if whatever I choose I'll always be upset I didn't pick the other? Picking fruit in aus wishing I'd picked the comfy office - earning my comfy office salary but wishing I was slumming it in aus.

Tell me sage lad, what would you do if you were me?
>> No. 31323 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 11:50 pm
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>>31321

You'll always regret the chances you didn't take. If they don't work out, there's loads of boring comfy offices all over this country, and every other country, all over the world. They're all the same. You're not missing out on anything special there.

If I were you I'd take a sort of middle path. You earn plenty of cash as it is, so you can certainly save up a chunk; and you-know-what is still going to be a big deal as far as travel is concerned for at least another year I reckon. So plan your move and don't do it straight away- But in essence, just fuck everything off for a year or two and go have your adventures. It'll gnaw at you if you don't. You're scared to actually take the leap of faith, but I can assure you the realisation you're on the ride now, and you're not getting off until it's done, is worth it.

Now don't get me wrong, this isn't sensible or considered advice, and I have had a couple of beers, but nevertheless. The times I've felt most alive were those occasions I'd just got up and walked out of my job with no intention of going back, and just saying "Fuck it. I'll survive somehow." and then driving off, sunglasses on, arm hanging out the window, fag in hand. The coolest, biggest bollocked, no fuck given bad ass.

Terrifying, obviously, and foolish. But the exhilaration of just having to sink or swim, free falling until you learn how to glide. It's quite the thing.

Of course, people like us are fortunate to be able to do that with the knowledge will never come to any real harm- There is a safety net, ultimately, for most of us; and in my case it was back when the benefits system was still rather exploitable. In your case it's that you can put enough money away that you wouldn't have to worry, and you will always still have a career waiting for you. I doubt a year or two backpacking would see you resigned to working the tills at Tesco, anyway.
>> No. 31366 Anonymous
17th December 2021
Friday 12:52 am
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>>31323

Thank you. Really appreciate the insight and surprised how accurate this was.

Because of this post I reached out to an international job offer that got canned by Covid and they might still be able to work something out post-Covid craziness mid next year so here's hoping.

If not, I'll go do some cliche thing where I take 6 months to walk through a country or something and find myself.

I've not felt that exhilaration for a while and whilst I'm super grateful for my safety net in a weird way sometimes the comfort is the worst thing there is for me.

Wish me luck.

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>> No. 31305 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 2:50 pm
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As a 30 year old male, should I not be using Discord?
Recently I took to exploring Discord community servers in hope of finding a group that's active enough to warrant casual participation - simulate some social context and maybe even physically talk to people, learn some skills, etc. But each server I've found seems to be full of teenagers discovering their identities and I feel like I really shouldn't interact with these people.
We've all heard of the estrogen hidden in drugs, sold outside the school gate, Discord story (or perhaps not) but I've just found a server that explicitly allows discussion of child abuse, fostering and cult activity. What's worse is that the community apparently acts behind a soft and colourful front of making the internet a more nostalgic place - which appear to actually attract members, including vulnerable young people. No doubt this particular server is full of undercover agents, thank god.

It troubles me that every fucking time I try to develop my social life this horror of child abuse rears its head.
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>> No. 31336 Anonymous
8th December 2021
Wednesday 12:27 am
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>>31334

When I was 29, I met a 19 year old at a party. She looked considerably older and I looked considerably younger, so I guess we both thought that our age gap was less than it really was. Although half of it was that I consciously avoided the age question, having inferred that she had just started uni and her friends that evening also seemed 20ish. It wasn't till our first date two days later that she asked me directly how old I was. I said I was 29, and her reaction was just an "Oh...". It was easy to tell how she meant it, and the rest of that Sunday afternoon was spent between awkward silence and efforts to not be rude and keep rudimentary conversation going.

I guess my point is, a lot of lasses that age simply can't see themselves with a lad who is ten years older. It's a huge gap when you're only 19 yourself. It's something to think about for lads who think they can still pull teenagers when they are getting close to 30. With most lasses, even youthful looks that belie your true age won't save you.
>> No. 31337 Anonymous
8th December 2021
Wednesday 1:01 am
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>>31335

>I wonder what I'd think if I was on the other end of a similar situation.

As the (other) resident furry-lad, that's something that I've honestly found myself having to be quite careful of. The anonymity of going into those sorts of spaces and identifying solely through your 'sona is at once liberating, but not without its hazards.

Like you, I got into that scene much younger than I ever should have, and I was having the sorts of conversations with people that would give your average Mail reader a heart attack. So I'm very conscious that there are a lot of kids out there today in exactly the same situation; and unwittingly, my filthy late night coked up eRP sessions could end up being with someone much younger than I would like, and I'm really not sure where the law or even my own morality stands on that.

But I am forced to consider that I was doing it at that age, and I wanted it, and as far as I was concerned at that point, all the 18+ warnings and shit were just adults trying to spoil the fun. That, of course, has implications most people really don't like or want to consider.

I've resolved to just refuse people who don't seem to type very well or who otherwise seem a bit dim. My reasoning is that, frankly, you don't tend to get very many thick people in this kind of extremely online social niche; therefore I take any indication along those lines as evidence that they are either very young, or boomer tier old.

There have been a couple of Black Mirror episodes that resonated profoundly with me because they hinted at concepts like this. I suspect Are Charlie might be one of us.
>> No. 31338 Anonymous
8th December 2021
Wednesday 8:15 am
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>>31337
>I am forced to consider that I was doing it at that age, and I wanted it, and as far as I was concerned at that point, all the 18+ warnings and shit were just adults trying to spoil the fun.

MSN chat rooms for me. I'd just turned 15 when they shut them down, but I'd definitely got a couple of years of use out of them by that point. I can see why they got rid of them, but I didn't knowingly cyber with anyone much older than me.

I joined FaceParty about the same age and when I changed my sexuality to bisexual I had so many grown men getting in touch with me. I looked young for my age as well. I didn't do anything with those creeps, although I did watch one of them online fuck a sex toy he'd made by wrapping a towel around balloons filled with warm water because of how absurd it was.

Teenagers are dumb and horny. I wouldn't look to exploit that. I already knew you lads were weirdos from that discussion the other day about it being fine to be the creepy older guy preying on drunken 18 year olds during freshers because "they need an older man to show them the ropes."
>> No. 31339 Anonymous
8th December 2021
Wednesday 7:59 pm
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>>31337
>and as far as I was concerned at that point, all the 18+ warnings and shit were just adults trying to spoil the fun.
I see it a bit differently, going through my horny mid-teen stages in the mid 00's the internet was a different place yeah there were the MSN chat rooms and forums where I sometimes interacted with adults a bit, for the most part communities were smaller and all of my adventures into ignoring +18 warnings were entirely private and anonymous. Contrast that to today where everything is social, with telegram and twitter and every other platform not only putting the adult content in easy reach of young people but also putting them a click away from interacting with the people creating and sharing adult content in a way that didn't exist when I was underage myself and it really does disgust me (but then even as a lad with bisexual tendencies I never did see the appeal in getting bummed by a fat hairy 50 year old unlike a lot of my peers seemed to).

Anecdotally a lot of adult performs on twitter just have massive long block lists of all the underage kids who've tried DMing them.
>> No. 31340 Anonymous
8th December 2021
Wednesday 10:43 pm
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>>31338
I never went on specific MSN chat rooms, I don't think, but I went on IRC and met a few people whom I then added on MSN. One was a woman in her 40s, who was fully aware that I was 14 or 15 or whatever age I was. It only occurred to me many years later that this was really quite a strange thing to happen. Was she grooming me? Because it didn't work. Does she just have the world's most depressing life, where pursuing friendships with children is the only interaction she gets? That sounds awful if so. I really can't understand why she would want to speak to me more than just in passing.

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>> No. 30864 Anonymous
20th June 2021
Sunday 9:42 pm
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How do I meet girls? Obviously it's hard during lockdown. Online dating isn't working. Getting conversation out of lasses on those apps is like getting blood from a stone, and when I do meet girls from them it goes nowhere. One of us, usually her, gets bored after a date or two.

I'm not naturally a very social being. I don't chat to people, I don't make friends on holiday.

I've looked at meetup before, there are casual board game meets or generic social meets, but they're full of slightly socially maladjusted lads like myself. The things I actually want to do skew heavily male. I don't think turning up to a knitting club or something would go down well. Trying to pick up hobbies to increase my social circle seems like a good idea, but it's quite indirect. Friends are nice, but I want to meet women.

Can I talk to girls in pubs or bars, is that a thing people actually do?

Do I try ultimate frisbee or korfball? Crossfit?
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>> No. 30869 Anonymous
21st June 2021
Monday 6:09 pm
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I see the usual speed dating suggestion being made, if your attractive, not shy and are capable of striking up a brief conversation with a stranger then go for it.

My experience with speed dating was guys like the above highlighted the socially awkward even more the usual
>> No. 30870 Anonymous
21st June 2021
Monday 8:38 pm
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The solution is obvious.

>>/b/425050
>> No. 30871 Anonymous
21st June 2021
Monday 9:28 pm
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>>30870

More broadly, just try to put yourself in a room where you're the only man - craft groups, creative writing classes, holistic therapy courses, whatever. Scarcity value kicks in and you're assumed to be a decent catch simply because of the lack of other men.
>> No. 31290 Anonymous
25th November 2021
Thursday 2:52 pm
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>>30871
Then when you go out together into the greater world you're suddenly cast up against the rest of manhood and quite prossibly fall short in comparison.
>> No. 31293 Anonymous
25th November 2021
Thursday 3:40 pm
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>>31290

Once someone's fallen for you they don't tend to drop you for the first gigachad they see in public, you've got to get your hooks in during the basket weaving phase.

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>> No. 30898 Anonymous
29th July 2021
Thursday 1:57 pm
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I never recovered from the end of university. I'm nearly 30 now and have not made a single friend or acquaintane since the day university ended and my established friendship group disintegrated overnight. I do everything alone. I drink alone, I go to the gym alone, my job is remote. I've never been in a serious relationship and likely never will be.

I don't fit in the world, I never had problems socialising or talking to strangers or whatever, but I don't fit in society. It happens around me. Crying now. I don't know what to do. Attempted suicide a few years ago, obviously failed. Nobody knows about it, because there is nobody to know about it.
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>> No. 31198 Anonymous
31st October 2021
Sunday 12:02 am
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My birthday is in a couple weeks, as I've been feeling a little blue lately I tried to organise something but have found that I don't really have any friends anymore.

What's the most effective way of making friends in the big city. I don't have any musical talent and I'm struggling to find the kind of volunteering that would make me friends my own age (early 30s). I can have relationships and people seem to enjoy my company but I just can't seem to make friends. My career would be the obvious choice but I tend to build a wall around myself in the office and struggle in a group setting.

Are house shares a good way of making friends or is it a horrible gamble? Do I really have to listen to what they're saying about using bumble for friends or does that just lead to getting myself porked?
>> No. 31199 Anonymous
31st October 2021
Sunday 12:33 am
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>>31198

https://www.meetup.com/
>> No. 31200 Anonymous
31st October 2021
Sunday 12:45 am
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>>31198
If you go to a pub quiz on your own, you will be surrounded by other weirdos and, more importantly, the quizmaster will most likely be amiable and outgoing and eager to befriend you. He will also be friends with other people, whom you can then befriend too. You might need to do this a few times, but pub quizzes are great so it'll be worth it.
>> No. 31201 Anonymous
31st October 2021
Sunday 5:30 pm
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>>31198
House shares are a very expensive gamble. You could end up with a bunch of likeminded people and forge friendships, or you might live with selfish cunts and realise you're stuck with them for 12 months. I've had it both ways. I wouldn't recommend it as a way to make friends, just because it's so risky and could have you living in a shit environment for a year.
>> No. 31202 Anonymous
31st October 2021
Sunday 6:12 pm
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>>31201
Fuck, well I jumped the gun this afternoon then. Is there anything to watch out for? I'm at least trying to avoid living with just one other housemate.

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>> No. 30888 Anonymous
11th July 2021
Sunday 11:52 am
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I am a 29 year old male, my partner a 29 year old woman. We've been together for 10 years. We lost our virginity to each other. Neither of us have slept with any one else. We both strongly consider each other our life partners.

I've always been more sexually minded than her, my libido is much higher. This has been a problem at certain points of our relationship that I have been happy to bring up. She always responds understandingly and it fixes temporarily.

But recently I've begun to really strongly desire other women. I think it has something to do with me turning 30 next year, despite it being an arbitrary number, really.

This is something I've even brought upto her in the past, during these conversations, and she even seems quite understanding. Recognising that whilst she herself doesn't really care, she respects it's important to me. That said anything beyond a simple recognition seems beyond us. It I were to directly ask "can I sleep with another woman?" she would respond (unsurprisingly) negatively.

I feel kind of stuck, really. What I have with her is absolutely incredible and easily worth never sleeping with someone else. But it eats at me. Not always, but enough. In the shower, during a post sex moment of clarity, when I'm served by a pretty barista, and so on.

What do I do? Like I said, she is actually quite receptive of me bringing this up. And as we age seems to be more and more understanding and calm. But I can see it from her point of view as well and it must feel awful. I've asked her if she feels the same sort of thing and her answer is basically "kind of, but I don't really care". Like I said she's not very sexually orientated anyway, even once a week is a bit of a stretch. Is this something I learn to just live with? I could never cheat on her, it would break my heart and obviously break hers if she found out. But I can't contend with this feeling all my life, surely.
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>> No. 31192 Anonymous
28th October 2021
Thursday 12:52 am
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>>31190

I get the feeling the word "queer" is starting to lose all meaning too. By this point it seems to be just the word you use if you're not really gay or trans or any of that stuff, but you want to fit in with the hip rainbow acronym clique all the same.
>> No. 31193 Anonymous
28th October 2021
Thursday 7:55 am
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>>31190

I'd rather stick my knob in a blender.
>> No. 31194 Anonymous
28th October 2021
Thursday 9:09 am
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>>31193
That's such a cop out. If you're on the soft and the blender's the right size you're in no danger at all.
>> No. 31195 Anonymous
28th October 2021
Thursday 3:32 pm
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>>31194
Haha get a load of micropenis here

>>31192
Undeniably yes. That's pretty much what the word is treated as; they reclaimed the slur and shared it with anyone who wants to be even more special than L, G, B and T. I don't see how it differs from the + in LGBTQIA+, but I'm sure they would all be scandalised to hear that.
>> No. 31196 Anonymous
28th October 2021
Thursday 6:29 pm
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>>31195

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>> No. 31099 Anonymous
4th October 2021
Monday 2:19 pm
31099 EMDR
Anyone with experience with EMDR?
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>> No. 31100 Anonymous
4th October 2021
Monday 3:18 pm
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My therapist recommended it to me once, saying she knew a colleague nearby who was an expert in the field. But because its effectiveness is controversial from what you read online, I decided not to pursue it. I also didn't feel like telling yet another person about my innermost emotional damage. So I stayed with my therapist, and we were able to sort me out with standard CBT.
>> No. 31101 Anonymous
4th October 2021
Monday 4:35 pm
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eye_movement_desensitization_and_reprocessing
According to wikipedia, "Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a form of psychotherapy in which the person being treated is asked to recall distressing images; the therapist then directs the patient in one type of bilateral stimulation, such as side-to-side eye rapid movement or hand tapping.

The treatment apparently works by an unknown process, but the theories are pretty interesting.

The idea recalls to mind how common it is for modern websites to use a left-right image-text scrolling format which requires rapid eye movements to follow. Perhaps there's a hypnotic quality?
>> No. 31102 Anonymous
4th October 2021
Monday 4:41 pm
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>>31101
>The idea recalls to mind how common it is for modern websites to use a left-right image-text scrolling format which requires rapid eye movements to follow. Perhaps there's a hypnotic quality?

It might also be that web and app designers are stumbling upon something hypnotic by pursuing the goal of longer recorded use times by users.
>> No. 31103 Anonymous
4th October 2021
Monday 4:59 pm
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>>31102

This sort of text presentation is way older than the Internet

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>> No. 31014 Anonymous
19th September 2021
Sunday 7:51 pm
31014 Outsourcing fetishes
Not really an emo thread as such, although the issues have caused a fair bit of stress over the years.

There are sexual things I want to try, and my Mrs despite being very open minded and adventurous is definitely not into the thing I want to do.

I’m considering paying for it and can easily do it all without any worries about cost or privacy. I don’t see it as cheating be I won’t actually be ducking the other woman and we’ve done stuff with other people before.

So don’t come at me with me being morally corrupt or whatever. I just want to know if anyone else has used professional service to solve similar problems before?
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>> No. 31091 Anonymous
26th September 2021
Sunday 10:22 am
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>>31090

You could turn shagging prozzies into a hobby, too, a bit like trainspotting. Carry a little notebook about, log the time, their name, and their national insurance number, maybe a short description of any rare or unique attributes like a missing leg etc.
>> No. 31092 Anonymous
26th September 2021
Sunday 10:28 am
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>>31090
I'm in the initial stages of writing a how-to book for starting a cult. It's very similar to starting a dictatorship really, the main difference is scale.
>> No. 31093 Anonymous
26th September 2021
Sunday 10:41 am
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>>31091
>> No. 31094 Anonymous
26th September 2021
Sunday 2:26 pm
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>>31091

I remember a story in a guy who did more or less than and used the results to publish a sort of hookers guidebook. It’s was obviously on Eurotrash or similar.
>> No. 31095 Anonymous
26th September 2021
Sunday 5:47 pm
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>>31091
Sounds like punternet.

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>> No. 31076 Anonymous
24th September 2021
Friday 9:11 pm
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So I don't find my girlfriend's body physically attractive. She's quite overweight.
I think I mentioned going to the gym together after seeing her naked, which prompted her to ask if I liked her body a few days after. I felt like this was entrapment so I dodged the question.

When I've been honest with her in the past she has gotten incredibly upset so I think the direct approach is not best here. She has a personal trainer which she sees often but a gym membership she barely uses.
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>> No. 31077 Anonymous
24th September 2021
Friday 9:14 pm
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Go on?
>> No. 31078 Anonymous
24th September 2021
Friday 9:15 pm
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Define quite overweight.
>> No. 31079 Anonymous
24th September 2021
Friday 10:05 pm
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>When I've been honest with her in the past she has gotten incredibly upset so I think the direct approach is not best here

Why not? You can point out that it's making her unwell and you don't like seeing seeing someone you care for eat herself to death. It's only going to get worse as time goes on.

Maybe you could get her into cooking, absolutely discourage baking, get her thinking about her food that way. Arrange that you eat a small dinner together with no distractions so she can appreciate the tastes and textures over senseless eating. Make her a snob.
>> No. 31081 Anonymous
25th September 2021
Saturday 7:06 pm
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I actually had the opposite problem with my last ex. She kept losing weight, and obviously I was happy for her and she was really doing well in terms of achieving her desires.

The problem is she was a lot fitter when she still had an arse on her, she was barely 5 feet tall, with a flat chest, and looked like a ten year old boy once she'd lost the curves. I obviously didn't say it quite that bluntly, just that I liked her when she was more shapely, but she was not impressed.

What I have concluded from this is that a woman's attractiveness to you does not enter her sphere of consideration whatsoever. She couldn't give a toss if you think she's attractive, what she wants is to look in the mirror and see what she wants to see. You're barking up the wrong tree if you think a woman will ever alter her appearance on your behalf- You're just occasionally lucky if the two overlap.

Also if you can't be honest with someone you can't really have anything. So while I don't wish to be harsh, that's not a good sign. By my stage in life my eyes would roll out of the back of my head if my missus asked me that classic "Am I fat?" trap question, and I'd say "Yes, you lardy cunt, but I'm still fucking you aren't I?"
>> No. 31096 Anonymous
26th September 2021
Sunday 8:25 pm
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When asked "Do you think I'm fat" from a morbidly obese female relative, my reply was "I'll answer if you want, but i'm not going to lie to you". The question was promptly put to rest.

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>> No. 30335 Anonymous
9th January 2021
Saturday 1:52 pm
30335 Is this self pity? How would I address that?
Having acted a general idiot and perhaps cunt, I feel I've alienated myself from an online community. This wouldn't be a major problem except that I have no other community on or offline and I've come to regard this one with familiarity.

For most of my adult life I've sheltered myself from society, for sake of this inclination toward public embarrassment. I don't lose control of myself or conciously engage in destructive behaviour - rather I become comfortable in the situation and behave less inhibited. Mild doses of SSRIs have made this behaviour more apparant in the past.

I feel as though living as reserved as I usually do may be a problem. I don't often have fun nor engage with other people reguarly.
I want to be responsibly sociable. But as any whining coward, I immidiately turn to excuses. The risk of feeling this useless again is great - What's worse is that people see it and judge, casting the character as cement in society.

I fool myself with delusions of gandure that I might one day own a cottage and garden to offer a wife or partner, but then this happens again and I realise like the Artillary Man there is a gulf between my dreams and power.

A few times through life I've witnessed these sort of confidence trickster type people who roll in, create a buzz and a following, achieve a goal then roll out again leaving only destruction and those who don't follow. I can see how i idolise this sort of behaviour and desperately want to replicate it.
To run from place to place seems fundamentally dishonest - to disallow people to witness your mistakes and only return when you're made capable and impressive. All you'd really be learning is to run from critisism and get out before the game is up.

I don't really know what this post is meant for, except to perpetuate a myth of character. And I tell myself I hate that.
I guess all i need to do is find a ballance between introversion and extroversion.
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>> No. 30993 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 1:07 pm
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>>30992

I'm sure I'm repeating what others have said already but it doesn't sound like sociopathy, more something stemming from trauma maybe. Sociopathy isn't about being a loner, it's about a callous disregard and using of the people who you are around. I suspect sociopaths aren't worried about being sociopaths.
>> No. 30994 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 1:24 pm
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>>30993
>I'm sure I'm repeating what others have said
Yeah, i didn't really add much to the thread did i? Thanks for the response, i guess i was just complaining again.
>> No. 30995 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 1:39 pm
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>>30994
Maybe people would like you more if you could capitalise 'i'. I know this is emo but come the fuck on.

You just lack confidence in who you are as a person, probably suffer from being a schizoid and antisocial personality disorder like everyone else on the internet. Just accept who you are and learn to live the life that suits you best, plenty of schizoids still manage long-term relationships. I think women even treat it as a given that their man might spend most of his free-time alone.

Unless you really want to be surrounded by people from some perverse masochism in which case ditch the internet and get yourself a tropical wife.
>> No. 30996 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 7:17 pm
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>>30995
>Maybe people would like you more if you could capitalise 'i'
I'll admit I think I'm the cause of perhaps 90% of 'i' complaints across britfa.gs. Since a child I've wondered why anyone would think themselves important enough to capitalise it. I suppose you could comment that it's in effect a name so it should be capitalised, but it still feels weird to make the claim.
>> No. 30997 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 8:04 pm
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>>30996
>Since a child I've wondered why anyone would think themselves important enough to capitalise it.

You are important enough to capitalise it.

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