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>> No. 18262 Anonymous ## Mod ##
5th March 2014
Wednesday 8:27 pm
18262 Please check the old pages for similar threads Locked Stickied
before creating a new one.
Failure to do so may result in angry shouting.

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>> No. 27047 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 2:03 pm
27047 Where to meet birds
So, I've decided to try and not be that guy, a relationship-less virgin, into my mid-20s, which doesn't leave me with very long. I'm home from uni for the summer and have decided it's time to sort my act out.

The only problem - where to meet women?

I've completed tinder in a 15 mile radius, likewise for Bumble - zero (0) matches. I've messaged pretty much every girl on OKCupid with a match >75%; not one has replied.

What can I do now? The few local schoolfriends I am still in contact with are all male, everyone at my job is male, and all the women I talk to (from uni) are either in a relationship or otherwise not an option.

Going out to clubs doesn't work because a) I don't have anyone to go with, and b) when I try and do anything but stand at the bar drinking in a club (ie dance) I look like a tortoise trying to pilot a motorcycle.

Any ideas?
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>> No. 28533 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:18 am
28533 spacer
>>28531
Find the thread in the catalogue. Slimming World is genuinely one of the prime places for meeting women once you've reached the age where your social opportunities dwindle.
>> No. 28534 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:39 am
28534 spacer
>>28533
Fat women, surely?
>> No. 28535 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:42 am
28535 spacer
>>28534

We cover this in the thread.
>> No. 28536 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:43 am
28536 spacer
>>28534
Plenty of women who aren't fat go to slimming clubs. Find the thread and be enlightened.
>> No. 28537 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:45 am
28537 spacer
>>28536

http://britfa.gs/b/res/424490+50.html

For reference.

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>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
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>> No. 28520 Anonymous
22nd May 2019
Wednesday 6:18 pm
28520 spacer
>>28519

This.

Not saying otherlad is, but I've never understood people's reluctance to pull a sickie when they need to- Your boss doesn't have your best interests in mind. He'd have you trapped in your shit kitchen job the rest of his life if he could, purely so he doesn't have to worry about hiring about someone else.

Look after number one, mate. Phone in sick.
>> No. 28521 Anonymous
22nd May 2019
Wednesday 6:23 pm
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>>28520

>Your boss doesn't have your best interests in mind. He'd have you trapped in your shit kitchen job the rest of his life if he could, purely so he doesn't have to worry about hiring about someone else.

True enough. It's easy to get caught up in the camaraderie of a kitchen and adopt the sense that you're letting the entire team down if you don't come in, but at the end of the day, it's only some fucking food, don't knack yourself up just to make sure some cunt can come in and buy a plate of chips, and nobody will know, care, or ever remember that you sacrificed your health or wellbeing for the team.

Not really getting that vibe from otherlad either, to be fair, but I feel it's worth saying anyway.
>> No. 28522 Anonymous
22nd May 2019
Wednesday 6:31 pm
28522 spacer
>>28520

>doesn't have to worry about hiring about someone else

Funny thing, I'm meant to be learning the cooking bit of this place (it's two people, and I'm the porter (it's just fast food so not even difficult)) so the cook can have time off. I literally walked in to the job so I don't know why they can't another chef until one sticks so they have a spare - there are two shops and 148 hours between them both for the cook's positions. and two cooks.

I'm just torn because there are only two people responsible for the entire making of the food. If I don't come in they will be completely fucked.
OTOH I was going to quit in a month and go to somewhere with a proper timetabling system and enough staff that I can just take days off when I want.
>> No. 28523 Anonymous
22nd May 2019
Wednesday 6:39 pm
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>>28522

>OTOH I was going to quit in a month and go to somewhere with a proper timetabling system and enough staff that I can just take days off when I want.

I encourage you to do this. It sounds like they don't really know what the fuck they're doing over there, if they're not willing/able to hire anyone else or even write a proper rota, then they don't deserve you and your sense of loyalty. Let the boss do some fucking scrubbing.
>> No. 28524 Anonymous
22nd May 2019
Wednesday 6:43 pm
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>>28523

It's my fault really, I was being optimistic about my abilities. And to be fair the boss does cover shifts fairly often (instead of hiring more cooks? I don't ask why).

Still it's a fuckin pita compared to all of my other jobs and the shifts go up to 12 hours to boot, of which at 4 are practically dead sales wise.

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>> No. 28484 Anonymous
10th May 2019
Friday 6:45 pm
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How do I improve my social skills?

I am absolutely terrible at talking to new people and building up a rapport with them. More often than not if a stranger tries talking to me then my mind will go blank so I'll probably laugh or smile and say "yeah", killing the conversation dead. It isn't shyness or anything like that; my mind literally goes blank and I cannot think of a single thing to say. I guess I'm not quick-witted or good at thinking on my feet.

I've no problem with having conversations with friends or work colleagues, although I'm much better talking in a group than one-to-one, which may be a comfort zone thing. My girlfriend has the ability to strike up a conversation with just about anyone she meets, which seems completely alien to me.

My lack of social skills have hampered me in my career so far and I imagine they will continue to do so unless I do something. Thinking about it, I think I've picked it up from my Dad so this is probably number #694 on the list of how I'm slowly turning into him.
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>> No. 28499 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 6:15 pm
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>>28497

Simon Amstell is the only thing in that clip that doesn't seem like contrived insanity.

I don't even know where to begin deconstructing what's wrong with bringing along 4 mute motionless Japanese people along to an interview.
>> No. 28500 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 6:41 pm
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>>28499
They do move a bit and I bet they're not really mute.
>> No. 28501 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 7:19 am
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>>28500

Well you certainly put me in my place.
>> No. 28502 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 10:05 am
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>>28501
Might not even be Japanese either!
>> No. 28503 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 11:10 am
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>>28502

Well they say they are are. Now you are just presupposing dishonesty in Gwen.

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>> No. 28411 Anonymous
16th April 2019
Tuesday 8:34 pm
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Okay fellas, I have no major problems going on in my life right now, in fact since January I've been doing pretty well.

That said, I've just gotten home from the gym and wanked for two hours straight, after telling myself I wouldn't do the same thing I did yesterday which was wank for two hours straight after work.

This is after wanking a shitload on the weekend as well.

It's fucking with my routine and making me squash my days. I like to have a wank to a sexual fantasy now and then, but fuck sake I hate doing it for two hours.

Just someone give me some support to not do this for the rest of the week.
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>> No. 28473 Anonymous
4th May 2019
Saturday 1:40 pm
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>>28436

OP here again, thought I'd check up on this to see if there was anything new.

You've probably got the most relevant outlook to me here, dunno if I made myself clear but I don't really watch porn all the time, in fact I end up wanking a lot due to what you said, wanking while chatting to lads and lasses.

There's some good news though, since this thread I've been exhibiting a lot of control. The other night I got it over with in about 15 - 20 minutes after a week of not even doing it, without becoming an overstimulated mess. I've been controlling it a lot better after the gym too.

On that note as well, haven't really bothered chatting to anymore to get off because it tends to be a black hole for me where I just wanna keep going. Gonna keep on with how I've been doing.
>> No. 28482 Anonymous
10th May 2019
Friday 3:58 pm
28482 spacer
I wank 5 times a day and have a one terabyte porn collection. I want to abstain from porn and only wank using my imagination when I'm legitimately horny like I did in the good old days before the internet. How do you tell the difference between wanting to have a wank to relieve boredom and when you're legitimately horny?
>> No. 28483 Anonymous
10th May 2019
Friday 4:06 pm
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>>28482

I think there's a lot to be said for a week of cold turkey and seeing how you feel.
>> No. 28494 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 4:51 am
28494 spacer
>>28482

I think you have to relearn the difference between that mate.
>> No. 28498 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 12:42 pm
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>>28482
>have a one terabyte porn collection
Weak shit my dude and this is after a significant recent prune. But I see myself as more of a "curator" than some fevered wank-addict.

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>> No. 28463 Anonymous
1st May 2019
Wednesday 6:35 pm
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My girlfriend has sussed out that I'm not as invested in the relationship as her, and I feel bad about it because it's just before we both have exams.

I wanted to have a talk but I was holding on until after the exam period and into the summer when I could actually meet up with her again, as we're long distance, but as she's called me on it I can't lie to her.

She's sweet and very caring (and I care about her a lot) but cripplingly shy and anxious, I catch her deleting messages to me constantly and last time I met her she hadn't planned anything around her town because she simply doesn't have the confidence to. I was a bit put off by that, but went ahead and found things for us to do anyway. It's a trend though, she has a panic disorder and her mental health is just something I can't really do anything about other than to be kind to her.

I think the real core of the issue is the age gap though. It's about 7 years, and although people often say it'll be the younger one that will get flighty and want to meet other people in this case it's me. I've been through my early 20s with similarly bad mental health myself, and while I appreciate having someone who understands why I'm still particularly quiet and shy it's just tiring dealing with all these things for a second time through my partner. I want to help her, but I also want to take advantage of finally having a fairly clean bill of health and confidence myself and the long distance coupled with her own issues makes that difficult. I'm also about to finish my 20s and really want to figure out what I need in a longterm relationship, I'm not even sure if I'm cut out for relationships in the long run.

And finally it's just sad when someone says they miss you and the most I can do is call her.

I wish I had some friends or male relatives that could give me relationship advice but they all either avoid the topic or are dead :(
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>> No. 28470 Anonymous
2nd May 2019
Thursday 6:20 pm
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I'm going to be blunt with you here ladm9. I want you to understand it's out of kindness, but the prognosis doesn't sound good, from what you've told us.

The fact she's starting to feel like you're less invested in the relationship, coupled with her existing anxiety issues, and the stress of distance on top, is not a good combination. Distance itself is enough to bring a relationship to its knees. I think perhaps what you need to ask yourself is how easy it would be to resolve the distance problem. Is it just a temporary state out of necessity, or would there still be an issue of separation after you're both finished with your course and moving on?

I don't think the age gap is really a big deal necessarily. I think generally once people have reached a certain age, they're about as "mature" as they're going to get, and it's a fallacy that you grow considerably wiser with age. You learn from mistakes and have invariably made more mistakes when you are older, but that doesn't mean someone younger is unable to relate. The core of it is, as you say, you feel like this isn't the right situation for you right now. If you're being honest with yourself, you just want to add a few more notches to your bedpost.

While I don't think the two of you are completely doomed, I don't think it would be wise to continue the relationship in its current course. Given the distance, maybe it's a good idea to suggest a break or some sort of open relationship arrangement while the two of you can't be physically together. Now, of course, I realise that if you suggest that, it has the potential to go down about as well as a sack of lead on a pool toy, but if you don't take some form of action you could well be heading for a miserable and heartbreaking split.

If you can persuade her it makes sense to temporarily put things on the back-burner until you're both in a position to make it a more real, physical relationship, you might just avoid that. In the mean time you'll get to boost your confidence and make up for some lost time. Naturally there's the risk either of you could meet someone else, and of course you have to accept that if you're going to be free to sleep with other people, so will she. But that's just the way these things go I'm afraid.

I think if you are both truly right for each other you'll overcome those things. If not, fate simply took its course.

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>> No. 28349 Anonymous
13th April 2019
Saturday 6:58 pm
28349 Aphantasia: mind-blindness
Hi all. This is the first time I've ever posted in /emo/ since I'm becoming increasingly sure that I may have a condition that's been tentatively dubbed 'aphantasia'. This revelation has actually made me rather upset.

I feel I should stress from the outset that I'm not the sort of person who shops around for psychopathologies or neurological quirks, rashly concluding 'Aha! I must have that!' since it sounds interesting, or vaguely describes some of my behaviour in specific circumstances. I'm not prone to self-diagnosis and would describe myself as quite mentally healthy. But the description of this apparent condition sounds exactly like my ordinary life, and I can't imagine how wonderful the alternative is.

Basically the word 'aphantasia' means the inability to voluntarily create mental images. I don't have a 'mind's eye', I cannot form 'mental pictures'. All my life I have assumed those terms were metaphors for holding concepts and ideas in one's head. It is mind-boggling to me that other people can apparently form actual pictures in their minds that they can then look at, whether they're memories or daydreaming or the result of reading fiction.

I can't summon images of people I've known or places I've been. I can tell you if a picture of something I recognise looks wrong, but not by any form of internal comparison - I would just sort of know. I've had people say to me that the film representation of so-and-so or such-and-such looks wrong, and I've agreed, but not because I have ever been capable of imagining what they look like. I've always just remembered the words from the book, and noticed the disconnect onscreen.

Take a look at this BBC article on the subject:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-34039054

One of the first sentences is 'Most people can readily conjure images inside their head - known as their mind's eye'. You have no idea how shocking that is to me, the way it's written so curtly and obviously. I never imagined that people other than savants could do this sort of thing at all. There's a semi-official test for aphantasia by a research group at the university of Exeter here:

https://wh.snapsurveys.com/s.asp?k=148940557153
Message too long. Click here to view the full text.
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>> No. 28425 Anonymous
17th April 2019
Wednesday 12:05 pm
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>>28424

I meant I was wondering whether many more people listen to him rather than read his books.
>> No. 28426 Anonymous
17th April 2019
Wednesday 12:09 pm
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>>28407

You sound a bit like that guy who was awaiting a lung transport and got banned for being a grumpy cunt. (Although I kind of thought he had the right to be a grumpy cunt, considering.)
>> No. 28427 Anonymous
17th April 2019
Wednesday 12:54 pm
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>>28425

I think that they almost certainly do.
>> No. 28428 Anonymous
17th April 2019
Wednesday 9:00 pm
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>>28399
>Also, I do dream in images.
Ah, right. I was wondering about that.

I wonder if dreams are (therefore) a different part of the brain. Dreaming is like being plugged into the Matrix, it replaces your sensory function entirely, which isn't quite the same as conjuring mental images while fully conscious.

Ooh, interesting thought - if you dream and then wake up, you can't imagine what you were just seeing, even though it was a product of your imagination in the first place. Now that's some fuckery.
>> No. 28429 Anonymous
18th April 2019
Thursday 2:52 am
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>>28428
>if you dream and then wake up, you can't imagine what you were just seeing

I can. Unless I really try and preserve it, the image fades quickly. In some memorable cases, I remember dreams from 15 years ago.

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>> No. 28324 Anonymous
9th April 2019
Tuesday 8:16 pm
28324 Apprenticeship Pleb
I applied for an apprenticeship at the BBC but my application was rejected and now I just have no idea what to do. I just feel like going to bed forever. The cycle is finaly broken; try, fail, rinse, repeat. There won't be another go around, I'm in my mid-20s, I've got a wasteland for a CV and a threadbare education, before long I'll have tossed away another two years with nothing to show for it. When I remember all the chances I've bungled there is a din that runs throughout my brain and leaves me feeling half-conscious.

I've got one pair of trousers and no hope left.
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>> No. 28343 Anonymous
11th April 2019
Thursday 7:30 pm
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>>28342
>If any of you recommend CBT for that I'll egg your car/pub bike.
Joke's on you. I don't have either.

So, ... maybe try CBT?
>> No. 28344 Anonymous
12th April 2019
Friday 10:21 am
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>>28342

>Sure, you post Pepe the frog comics and dig up month old posts because you're such a winner.

I didn't do either of those things you ad hominem using nutter. I have something called a memory and my browsers has this thing called find. I just typed "the BBC" into it after being on the right thread. Took me less time then it took you to come up with that witty comeback.
>> No. 28345 Anonymous
12th April 2019
Friday 10:44 am
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>>28344
So you did dig up a month old post?
>> No. 28346 Anonymous
12th April 2019
Friday 11:03 am
28346 spacer
>>28345

If using Google is trawling the entire internet, sure why not.
>> No. 28347 Anonymous
12th April 2019
Friday 6:10 pm
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Lads. Stop it.

All cuntoffers below this post will be deleted.

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>> No. 28221 Anonymous
2nd March 2019
Saturday 10:37 pm
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I fucked it up in a couple of months. I was overly sensitive and revealed an ugly side to myself.

I really like her, but she requested space and I want to respect that.

J know it was a new relationship anyway but we connected in so many good ways. I feel like we could have built something lasting.

It's been a couple of days. I sent a message earlier just to ask if she'd be up to talking. No reply.

How do I stop myself feeling like shit about this? How do I prepare myself for the bad news she may not want to see me again? Should I just put it out of my mind? How?

I think I need to spend time with friends but everyone I get on with is away. Fucking shit.
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>> No. 28263 Anonymous
27th March 2019
Wednesday 1:02 am
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>How do I stop myself feeling like shit about this? How do I prepare myself for the bad news she may not want to see me again? Should I just put it out of my mind? How?


By becoming a cold hearted cynic a bit more with every day that passes, and slowly dying inside in the process.

But to give a bit more hands-on advice, if she doesn't answer your messages, then you're kind of beating a dead horse. "Wanting space" is unfortunately the classic way of telling you that she is at least unsure how she feels about you at this juncture. Yes, she might come back around and realise what she has in you. But my gut feeling is that your odds aren't so good on this. And if you say

>J know it was a new relationship anyway but we connected in so many good ways. I feel like we could have built something lasting.

then I kind of read into that that she said things that gave you to understand that the relationship is now on ice. Somebody who really loves you probably won't do that.

Then again, I made a grave miscalculation once by completely ghosting somebody who, against the odds, was really starting to realise she wanted me back, after shooting me down in a quite humiliating way in front of my friends previously when I begged her to come back to me.

But again, my gut feeling on this, lad, is that your odds aren't good and that it's best to move on. If after a couple of days she still shows no signs of wanting you back, it's no use praying for a miracle.
>> No. 28268 Anonymous
27th March 2019
Wednesday 9:47 pm
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>>28263

Thanks friend. It's surreal after being so intimate with her, but she's more or less dropped me like a stone since my last post.

I have started talking to different girls, which may not be the healthiest way to get over it, but they are interesting in their own right. It's just nice to remember that there's more chances at happiness.
>> No. 28269 Anonymous
28th March 2019
Thursday 5:23 pm
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>>28268

>I have started talking to different girls, which may not be the healthiest way to get over it

I reckon that's a perfectly good way to get over someone, especially for a chap talking like you do. You'll learn soon enough that nobody's that special, really. Lots of women are lovely and you'll form bonds with them you'll never want to break, but at the end of the day, people are people, and there's no such thing as 'the one'.
>> No. 28313 Anonymous
5th April 2019
Friday 12:01 pm
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>>28269

Agreed. There really is only one way to sort out a broken heart in the long run, and that is to find somebody new that you will fall in love with. And the more time you will spend thinking about that new person that you have fallen in love with, the less time you will think about your ex. And that's generally a healthy way to be, as any therapist will tell you.


>at the end of the day, people are people, and there's no such thing as 'the one'.

Thinking can make it so though. I remember having a conversation with a friend a while ago on the issue, and we agreed that, bleak and unromantic as it may seem, there isn't "the one", not for anybody. There isn't that one person that you are destined to meet and must keep looking for even if you spend your whole life doing so. All that you can hope for is that there are a few people on this planet who are a very, very good match for you, and that you will run into one of them in your life. And from meeting that person, the illusion can then arise that you have met your soul mate, your missing half, of all the people in the world. But in reality, it's an illusion, amplified by you wanting to believe that that is the case.
>> No. 28321 Anonymous
8th April 2019
Monday 3:56 pm
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>>28313
I don't quite get why that's bleak.
Then again, I'm a lack-lustre sod so who am I to judge?

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>> No. 28270 Anonymous
30th March 2019
Saturday 1:39 pm
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Hey lads, I'm what you would call a late bloomer likely to have (free) sex for the first time this weekend. Can you give any advice on doing the sex? I finally got my life in order these past couple years and recently met a lovely girl but being an effective virgin at 31 I'd like to give this the best possible shot so I don't accidentally put it up her bum or something.

You all seem like you know your way around a woman so I thought I'd best ask here rather than trusting Google.
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>> No. 28301 Anonymous
2nd April 2019
Tuesday 12:21 am
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>>28300
We've been on 5 dates and always split the bill.
>> No. 28302 Anonymous
2nd April 2019
Tuesday 1:27 am
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>>28301
Then why are you complaining about wasted time and money?

Backround info might help, lad. Like what's her ethnicity, etc. Surely after 5 dates you would know if she was religious? Has she ever brought it up? 5 dates is a good sign, you've shared a kiss, she obviously enjoys your company.

Make a move. Make overt gestures of intimacy, hold her hand when walking, tell he she looks beautiful and kiss her when you meet again. That shows you're keen and also that you want further intimacy, which lowers the bar. 5 dates is also long enough for a house date to be appropriate and if she agrees then that is a good sign she is keen on being alone with you. Make her dinner, make her laugh, make sure you have plenty of wine. Be confident. Tell her you are having a great time, be flirtatious; caress her hand, say "Stay over." Instead of "Do you want to stay over?" The question is implied, but it's more direct. Haggle, but don't coerce. If she offers to help with the dishes flick bubbles at her, stuff like that.

Just make it clear you want to be more intimate and look for ways to ignite a moment of passion, which should easily bring things to a head.
>> No. 28305 Anonymous
2nd April 2019
Tuesday 1:05 pm
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>>28301

I mean let's be honest mate if you're five dates in and there's not enough chemistry to be sending each other naughty pictures from the work toilets, you might want to look elsewhere. I'm not saying the lad above isn't giving good advice. He absolutely is. Very good advice which you should definitely listen to- But allow me to offer a different point of view.

In every serious relationship I've ever had, sexual chemistry and flirting about it has been present from the very start. That unspoken acknowledgment that you'd definitely fuck each other's brains out is the foundation of any lasting intimate partnership, in my view. I don't think I've ever been on a date with someone if that wasn't already the case- What's the point if you're not clearly both attracted to one another? It seems like a very businesslike approach to love.

It sounds like one or probably both of you are a bit shy about it all. But the absolute worst thing you can do is end up in bed with a lass you've never even sent a flirty text about eating her muff to. You've no idea how awkward it is to get things started when there's no momentum there in the first place. Start it gently but you need to turn up the flirt- Make some slightly dirty jokes,ask her some suggestive questions that get her mind onto those subjects... I assure you, you might think she's prudish but under the surface nearly everyone has a pervert.
>> No. 28308 Anonymous
3rd April 2019
Wednesday 12:05 am
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>>28302
She's from a strict Christian background and is a sensible girl.

>Then why are you complaining about wasted time and money?

Because going to a restaurant or spending all night at a bar isn't cheap.

>>28305
I think you might have hit the nail on the head with chemistry. We get along fine but it's like we see eye to eye on things rather than this being anything else. If we didn't call it dates and end the night with a kiss you could just as easily say we're hanging out as friends. This doesn't feel like other relationships where we've just been able to natter for hours and have that certain tension you can feel.

Maybe I'll try taking her out one more time to something out of our comfort zone and see if it breaks down barriers. My flats tiny. Then if it's still nothing I'll break it off.
>> No. 28311 Anonymous
3rd April 2019
Wednesday 11:44 am
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>>28308
Why don't you take her on a date that doesn't cost a lot of money?

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>> No. 28283 Anonymous
31st March 2019
Sunday 10:47 am
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At work most of my colleagues are at least double my age. Often at less busy times they engage me in conversation to pass the time. However, they regale me with boring stories that don't go anywhere or physical complaints e.g. moaning about their knees or neck pain. I tend to zone out during these conversations with the occasional nod or "yes" as I can't be bothered to listen to these pointless tales.

Unfortunately, sometimes they can go on for 15-20 minutes. And I can only get them to leave if I stop responding and stare at the floor. I am conscious about addressing the issue as these are my superiors and I don't want to be rude to them. What's a nice or polite way of not having to sit through their conversations?
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>> No. 28289 Anonymous
31st March 2019
Sunday 1:07 pm
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I feel like there must be some sort of lateral thinking solution to this. Like 'souring the milk'

if they engage you in conversation like this drop at the end of it 'Oh by the way could you help me with this boring task', that might put them off engaging you.

Or you need to set yourself up as someone who they don't want to engage in that way because they don't see you as the sort of person who there is value in doing that with. Maybe start talking to them enthusiastically at cross purpose like you don't understand, or are caught in your own narrative or misunderstanding the emotional tone of their story. If telling these stories to you becomes hard work for them they will stop without you having to confront.

The other more virtuous option I have for you is to try steer the conversation into other topics and see if they connect with you over those. They might fill the space in future with talking about shared interests rather than boring stories. Try randomly bringing up your hobbies ideas or interest to them you might strike gold.
>> No. 28292 Anonymous
31st March 2019
Sunday 7:59 pm
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>>28289
That seconds option actually sounds quite entertaining.
>> No. 28293 Anonymous
31st March 2019
Sunday 8:00 pm
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I used to be really bad at talking to people older than me too, but at some stage (probably getting older myself) I realised that they are people too, and as old and boring as they seem now they too were young and exciting once. You just have to find out a bit more about who they really are, under the boring old fart exterior.

Some people really are just boring old facts, of course. There's one bloke at work I couldn't hold a conversation with if you paid me that wasn't just about the weather. But I think it's worthwhile developing small talk skills just to make your day less awkward in that regard. You just have to reply with questions- Don't just say yeah, oh, cool, yeah. Keep them talking for a bit, and then they feel like they've been listened to and tend to go away of natural causes.
>> No. 28306 Anonymous
2nd April 2019
Tuesday 1:40 pm
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>>28289
>>28293

Thanks for the well thought out responses. Unfortunately I can't be bothered with it all and as per >>28284 I've handed my notice in. The whole work environment, this notwithstanding, has become toxic in general.
>> No. 28307 Anonymous
2nd April 2019
Tuesday 2:36 pm
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I like it when they start telling the names of all the different roads they took to get to a place, that's my favourite.

whiteline
>> No. 28205 Anonymous
28th February 2019
Thursday 2:55 am
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I am very drunk, I hate how I only feel things whilst I am drunk. I know it's a problem. I love you .gs.
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>> No. 28220 Anonymous
2nd March 2019
Saturday 2:22 am
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We love you too bro.

whiteline
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>> No. 28196 Anonymous
27th February 2019
Wednesday 6:29 am
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I don't enjoy sex or masturbation anymore.

I think this has been going on for almost four years now, since my missus was pregnant; I believe that's what triggered it rather than the underlying reason as I've had a vasectomy so I shouldn't have to worry about having more kids. I have suffered from performance anxiety in the past, being so focused on ensuring my sexual partner is enjoying it to enjoy it myself; I know I'm a worse shag since this started but I doubt it's related to this. I was sexually abused as a child but I highly doubt it's to do with this. However, I don't know what else it could be; porn?

I still get urges and I act on them, but it just feels very mechanical and like I'm flushing that out of my system.
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>> No. 28197 Anonymous
27th February 2019
Wednesday 6:33 am
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Sexual anhedonia can be a symptom of both depression and anti-depressant medication. How are you in yourself?

Purely for the sexual issues (especially given that you've been sexually abused in the past) you might want to give psychotherapy or counselling a go.
>> No. 28198 Anonymous
27th February 2019
Wednesday 6:42 am
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>>28197
>How are you in yourself?

There's probably more arguing at home than I'd like to admit, which I've chalked up to having small children so less sleep and very little downtime putting us on edge, but other than that I've no complaints.
>> No. 28199 Anonymous
27th February 2019
Wednesday 6:52 am
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Okay, I often fantasise about my missus and the kids all dying in a car crash or something so I can start all over again. Sometimes it's just her dying and me making do looking after the kids with the life insurance money.

That can't be healthy, but I feel like I'm trapped by having kids too young but there's nothing I can do about it other than make the best of it.
>> No. 28200 Anonymous
27th February 2019
Wednesday 5:38 pm
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You sound like you are suffering with a spot of depression. That almost always kills my sex drive, in the same mechanical way you describe- I still bash one out to sort out the morning glory but I feel like I'm dealing with a biological annoyance rather than indulging my desires. (Me and my last partner had great big arguments about it because she was an insensitive bitch who insisted it was because I was cheating on her and not depression.)

I think it's fairly common in younger men who feel they've been pushed into the whole family man role. Post-natal depression is well known in mothers but very little is said of fathers, who are simply expected to step up and get on with it.

It's okay to feel a small degree of resentment, but there are probably healthier ways to accept and make peace with the course your life has taken. I think if you get to the root of that you'll find your chap becoming much more eager again.
>> No. 28201 Anonymous
27th February 2019
Wednesday 7:48 pm
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>>28199
How old are the kids? My parents were of the opinion that we were all incredibly dull until we became teenagers.

whiteline
>> No. 28149 Anonymous
19th February 2019
Tuesday 10:45 pm
28149 Help from experienced people
Guys, what do you do if you're in a relationship where you feel like the main reason for being there is compassion rather than it actually being fulfilling? I love my girlfriend, but I also feel like I'm the only person in her life (I'm not really exaggerating). Sometimes I feel like for what we've been through together, good and bad, we have something great and special. But we don't have a great sex life to be honest (I could go in to this a lot), and generally feel 'out of sync' a lot of the time in a way that makes things difficult for us. I also feel like I can't talk about how I really feel about things with her, and that I 'act' a lot around her just to get by. She has also had a very complex life in many ways. I know this sounds very smug and patronising, but knowing how she gets by with life, I get a terrible feeling if I think about how her life would go without me, and this makes me want to stick with her even if I'm not happy with how things are between us. She is good in lots of ways and never tries to guilt me about what I've mentioned, and having read everything I've written the obvious answer seems to be to work on things, but I'd value a second opinion from someone impartial, often I get the feeling I'm compromising my life for this.
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>> No. 28161 Anonymous
22nd February 2019
Friday 3:37 am
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>>28149

It may not be all that useful, but as it's all I have, I'll share my own personal experience with you.

In a situation much like yours, I continued my relationship with my wife long after I knew that, for me, the relationship was over. I like to pretend it's somewhere in my top three regrets, but really I know that it's right up there at number one.

I didn't finish things with her because I didn't want to break her heart or, as pitiful as it sounds, to be the "bad guy" in the story. This because there was no real reason for ending things other than the horrible, inconvenient, fact that I'd met someone who I liked a lot more.

Four years later I finally pulled the plug and we've been living separately for about a year now. I've met someone new but it's not really even in the same ball park as that girl I knew all those years ago. We still email back and forth every now and then and joke "maybe when we're old and stable we'll finally get together" and to be honest it breaks my heart all over again.

"A time for everything, and everything in its own time."

Sage for nothing very much of value at all.
>> No. 28177 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 12:21 am
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>>28151
>It might be helpful to think about this in terms of where you'll both be in 5 or 10 years or so.

This is a pretty good metric for working out how you feel about someone deep down. Does the thought of staying in this situation in 5 years time fill you with a sense of dread? Or can you actually entertain the idea of things getting better and feeling satisfied? It sounds like even if the second is true, you probably won't get there without communicating these things to her at some point. You shouldn't feel beholden to someone's ability to take care of themselves, as others have said you need to draw a line somewhere between being a crutch for someone and being in a mutual partnership. What may or may not happen to her without you, or even what she does with her life with you, is largely her responsibility. It might help you to try and paint a picture in your mind of what would be a fulfilling relationship for you, and see if you can pin down some specifics for yourself compared with the situation right now that you can then take to her. But yeah, you're not going to get anywhere fast without actually talking to her, mate. Good luck.
>> No. 28184 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 12:50 pm
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>>28149

> I also feel like I can't talk about how I really feel about things with her, and that I 'act' a lot around her just to get by.


Unfortunately, this is a pretty straightforward and critical sign that the two of you aren't a good match and aren't meant for each other.

If this is a persistent thing, then the two of you are better off just breaking it off. You may think that it wouldn't be fair on her to just leave her to bumble about through life without you, but it also isn't fair on you to have to stick with her just because the thought of her being on her own worries you. You're supposed to be her boyfriend, not her social worker.

I'm also not sure that this is something that can really be worked out. You aren't just magically going to become soul mates just because you sit down and have a talk about all these things. You either are, or you aren't. And I've seen couples like you two stick together for many years, but in the end always coming back to the realisation that all this time, they were never able to talk to each other, which then made them feel like their relationship was a big waste of time looking back.

I had a relationship like that once, and right after we broke up, a friend actually asked me why I was sad to no longer be with somebody that I very obviously never had much to talk to about. I got angry at him at the time, but probably more because he had hit a nerve. And the revelation came a few months later when I met another lass, and we spent six hours nonstop, without interruption, just talking to each other in my car in a car park on our first date. And I remember going home that night just feeling dumbstruck that that kind of thing was possible. We didn't end up becoming an actual couple because despite our ability to keep a conversation going together for hours on end, we were just too different. But it was a revelation nonetheless, and it opened my eyes for the first time to the fact that if nobody else, your partner really should be the person you can talk to better than anybody else.
>> No. 28188 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 7:46 pm
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>>28149

I could have very well written this post myself nine months ago.

Other lads have given some insightful advice, and I'm probably going to be clouded in judgement because of how much it feels like it hits home, but what I can tell you is that I got out of there and I'm completely glad that I did.

With distance and separation, it became clear to me that my sense of duty, care, and compassion towards a girl I perceived as naive and helpless were utterly misguided. She may have seemed defenceless and innocent but in reality she was perfectly capable of looking after herself- Better so than me, in fact, and I have to seriously question whether she was purposely exploiting and emotionally blackmailing me. I'm not saying it's the case for you, lad, but it's very easy not to realise when you are being manipulated; and the people who do that kind of thing to you will make it very difficult to judge with clarity.

What really made it apparent for me, is how she spent a couple of hours crying and begging me not to leave her- But after that, it was like a switch had flipped. She dropped the act and I saw I side of her I never imagined, a vengeful and nasty woman who I can only assume never really cared for me as a person, but merely for the status of being a "successful adult" in a relationship and had a flat together etc etc. She had no friends to speak of while we were together, but she didn't have any problem making new ones the moment I broke up with her. It was a revelation.

The most important part of this is, as another lad has said, you don't feel like you can talk to her. I was the same. When I look back on it it was crazy, sometimes I felt genuinely afraid to show my true feelings in case it started an argument, and that's a big indicator something is wrong. The times I did talk to her, nothing changed. If you can't open up to a person, and if that person dismisses it when you do, it simply cannot last.

Obviously I am assuming a lot from an imageboard post but I feel like you could do with hearing this kind of perspective.
>> No. 28189 Anonymous
24th February 2019
Sunday 12:05 am
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>>28188

>you don't feel like you can talk to her. I was the same. When I look back on it it was crazy, sometimes I felt genuinely afraid to show my true feelings in case it started an argument, and that's a big indicator something is wrong.

That is definitely not good. And it is often something that didn't just happen because a relationship took a wrong turn somewhere, something that you can just go back to and undo, but it's been that way from the beginning. Because quite often, when you first meet somebody, you know instinctively that you need to play a certain role in order for that person to really find you attractive and go out with you. And a relationship then unfolds on the false premise that you are a kind of person that you really aren't.

whiteline
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