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>> No. 18262 Anonymous ## Mod ##
5th March 2014
Wednesday 8:27 pm
18262 Please check the old pages for similar threads Locked Stickied
before creating a new one.
Failure to do so may result in angry shouting.

>> No. 26574 Anonymous
2nd May 2018
Wednesday 7:09 am
26574 The shit lottery of life
Lads I feel really really hard done by and really fucked up in the head. I mean seriously, my mental health is really becoming affected. When i say becoming affected i suppose i should say more and more affected as time goes by.

Last year I met this girl who whilst very attractive i never gave her a second thought. Then one night i ended up paying a visit to her out of boredom and having nothing else to do. So it turned out that we had loads in common and we chatted away for the night ended up kissing etc and telling her i really fancied her. It turned out that she felt the same too and we were inseparable and lived together for six months of living together.

After the pair of us had just explained to each other that we both felt the same way circumstances beyond our control meant that we could no longer live together and we were to be apart. As if that wasnt bad enough we live close in proximity but if we want to be together we have to get a hotel room but these meetings are few and far between due to the cost. We sometimes meet in the street but its not enough.

Thats the basic background but what is really fucking my head up is the fact that there is not one minute of any single day where she is not on my mind. Most frustrating is at night time in bed. I just think of her constantly, it just goes round and around in my head. I thought it would get easier with time but its just gotten worse and worse. And when it does start to ease thats when we end up having another liaison and the cycle starts anew.

Im not a young man so i find it hard to deal with this heartache as ive never felt like this for anyone before. Im so in love with her its untrue. Also very soul destroying is the fact that she loves me too and its just utter bullshit circumstance that is causing the problem and the only solution is going to a while til it arrives.

How do i deal with these intense feelings and the issue of being separated from someone i love so much when we are so well suited and feel the same? Last time were at the hotel obviously i enjoyes the sex but by far the best thing really was laying watching tv and kissing and cuďling and breathing in the smell of her hair whilst stroking her back.

Jesus i know i must sound like such a soppy cunt and i wish i could switch these feelings off but with this girl i feel like i could very happily just spend all of my time with her and i together in a room enjoying each others company.

Is dont know what to expect in reply but i really needed to get this off of my chest as its really eating away at me. I just cant keep it out of my mind for a single moment and ive even had thoughts about ending it all if things dont eventually work out. I really do fear what i may do if it were to all go wrong and that it was final that no workable solution will ever reachable.
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>> No. 26695 Anonymous
27th May 2018
Sunday 1:47 pm
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Can you be trusted about tying your own shoelaces when you cannot understand what an example is?
>> No. 26696 Anonymous
27th May 2018
Sunday 2:04 pm
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You keep posting shitty meme pictures though, so I'm pretty sure it was your fault that the relationship ended. People who like normie memes are doomed to die alone, that's a God damn fact.
>> No. 26698 Anonymous
27th May 2018
Sunday 4:08 pm
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If my experience on POF and Tinder has taught me anything, "normie memes" are the lifehack for getting into millennial girl's pants. One minute you're sending them doggos and the next minute they want to sit on your face.
>> No. 26699 Anonymous
27th May 2018
Sunday 7:51 pm
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I just searched "normie memes" and Google synonymised it with "harambe".
>> No. 26700 Anonymous
27th May 2018
Sunday 9:49 pm
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This made me laugh far more than it should.

>> No. 26673 Anonymous
20th May 2018
Sunday 1:58 pm
26673 My mind is slipping away
I am becoming crazy /emo, and I cannot get any help.

I had spent two weeks in the ICU after surgery and a lung infection. I immediately noticed a cognitive decline and memory problems, but the doctors either ignored me or told me to just wait it out. Now it has been almost two years, and it is just getting worse. Short term memory is completely fucked, sometimes I just walk into a room and flatly out forget what the fuck I was going to do. I cannot remember anything for the life of me, and often the memories are distorted. I cannot trust myself anymore, all my memories are unreliable. It's a nightmare, a fucking nightmare. I tried rereading books or movies that I used to enjoy, now they feel like nuclear rocket surgery.

I tried asking for help to the NHS, no goddamn way. The CT brain scan did not show any damage. I tried speaking with somebody from the healthy minds, but they claimed to be unable to treat such a problem so they discharged me. After 8 months of waiting I saw a psychiatrist, but it was useless. He told me that I am in way too good shape to be diagnosed with dementia. Then, he offered me some happy pills, what the fuck I am looking for help with my mental decline, not looking for some chemical recreation.

I have some memories that cannot possibly be happened to me or to any normal human. I went back to places that I proved myself to have visited years ago, and they look nothing like my memories say. I had people greeting me and calling me by name, but I cannot remember ever meeting them.

I do not know where to get some help. Do I need to strip naked and take a shit in a council office to get some psychiatric help? I do not want to end tied up in a bed and force fed medication until I become a drooling vegetable. I've seen it happen, that poor guy came back from the psych ward looking like a zombie.
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>> No. 26680 Anonymous
22nd May 2018
Tuesday 6:54 pm
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>My overall impression is that as long as you are alive and breathing unaided, the NHS regards you as "healthy enough". Correct me if I am wrong.

To a certain extent you are correct, but you have to understand that there are a lot of, for lack of a better word, time wasters clogging up the service's resources. This unspoken rule has developed in order to filter some of that out.

Having said that though, this doctor sounds like a dickhead. I know we would like to think doctors are all hard working and compassionate, but with GPs especially, I would never rule that possibility out. Have you had a second opinion?
>> No. 26685 Anonymous
24th May 2018
Thursday 7:47 am
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I tried with two different GPs and they told me the same thing. I think it's a matter of protocols and procedures rather than dickheadness. Probably NHS resources are stretched so thin that there is no way to handle anything except absolute emergencies or situations that can be addressed with little investment.

By the way, AFAIK getting mental healthcare is more difficult than winning the Eurolottery. I live in a city that cannot even care for paranoid schizos with histories of violence:

>> No. 26686 Anonymous
24th May 2018
Thursday 8:09 pm
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I'll throw in my anecdotal evidence that no one cares about:

A few years ago I had a cyst on my neck that had been growing for years, it got to the point where it was causing me pain, got infected and started leaking pus, and forced me to get a prescription for antibiotics. I got referred to a consultant surgeon, who with a dead-pan delivery, told me that it was "cosmetic". I then asked about going private, and he straight away said "yes I've got an appointment free next week."
>> No. 26687 Anonymous
24th May 2018
Thursday 10:49 pm
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If you're referred for non-urgent consultant-led treatment, there's a waiting target of 18 weeks. If your NHS trust fails to treat at least 92% of patients within that time, they're subject to fines. That quickly turns into a vicious cycle - missed targets, less money, lack of resources, missed targets, less money. In that regime, there's a strong incentive to refuse referrals just to keep people off the waiting list.
>> No. 26688 Anonymous
25th May 2018
Friday 10:45 am
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How much did you had to pay, if you don't mind me asking?

>> No. 26668 Anonymous
18th May 2018
Friday 7:28 pm
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I've developed a debilitating fear of going to prison for no real reason and it's impacting me. I keep sweating out the thought of being in a prison and my life afterwards with no job and a criminal record.

I'm also starting to suffer with my mental health to a bad degree. It sounds awful, but I never thought it'd be me, and for a large part, I never really understood it.

It's absolutely ruining my life but I'm too ashamed to get help because I feel like the association with mental illness and depression and phobias is that you're some crazed person trying to kill themselves.

I work in a good steady job and nobody would know any different, I just seem like a high performing happy lad.

I just wanted to get it off my chest.

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>> No. 26669 Anonymous
18th May 2018
Friday 8:03 pm
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Lad you've no reason to fear going to prison, i know you probably fear and loathe reading this but it's true.

It's all in your head lad. You really have to try to be the level of dickhead it takes to get thrown in prison.

As for the mental health stuff, you should definitely go and talk to your GP, talk to them about it and tell them you want some help, they can refer you to someone who knows what they're doing. Don't be surprised if they offer you some citilopram on the way out though, they're non habit forming happy pills that work slowly over the course of a few weeks and they really can take the edge off of intrusive thoughts and depression. I've been on them before and they did me a world of good.

Nobody in your personal or professional life needs to know if you dont want them to. My family didnt know for shit for years until my brother told me he went to the doctors about depression and stress and I offered up my experience with it and he's the only one who knows. it's easy to keep under wraps if you dont want people all up in your shit.
>> No. 26670 Anonymous
18th May 2018
Friday 8:26 pm
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You're suffering in silence because of internalised mental health stigma. What you need to understand is that there is no shame in having a condition or seeking help for it.

Think about it: you say you can hide it and work normally. Have you considered how many people at your workplace are doing exactly the same thing? How many have depression or anxiety or schizophrenia and are just coping with it or managing it and you can't tell?

Do yourself a favour and seek treatment. If you go to a doctor with a broken arm they don't automatically assume you tried to throw yourself off a balcony. There is no way they would jump to any conclusions in the same way if you come to them with a mental health issue. They are required by their profession to be non-judgemental.
>> No. 26671 Anonymous
18th May 2018
Friday 9:39 pm
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You can ask for a talking therapy session and you will receive it fairly quickly, but it will only be useless babbling. If you think that you need a psychiatrist you will have to wait about 8 months. Go private.
>> No. 26672 Anonymous
18th May 2018
Friday 11:30 pm
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Mate the world has never been more open and understanding about mental health than it has been now, get some 'help', it's called 'help' because it helps.

All the best matey.

>> No. 26569 Anonymous
1st May 2018
Tuesday 10:26 pm
26569 Bit of a weird one
So I don't have much to add or ask about this, but I think it was mental enough that I should just say something about it some place.

Today at college I came quite close to hanging myself in the bogs with my belt. I say college, but I am an adult and everything it's just the easiest place to study a degree from where I'm living. Anyway, I was all noosed up and ready to go when I thought about Mum and how she'd feel, but as for my own emotions on the matter I was good to go. I also walked up to the highest part of the college (indoors still) and looked down without wincing a bit, and I can't stand a big drop, so I was definitely on one, so to speak. I wasn't planning on jumping, mind you, I was a bit more in control and just wanted to see where my head was at.

Off to bed now, but I thought this ought to go somewhere, but telling anyone at the college itself just feels a bit like I'm taking the micky, given what an abject student I've been. As if I would be only saying it for the pity points.
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>> No. 26660 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 1:59 pm
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Doesn't sound to me like you really unpacked what I had to say, just a cheap one liner. Challenge yourself.
>> No. 26661 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 2:12 pm
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A massive part of what causes boys to "grow up" is the realization that being loved requires hard work. This impetus begins a journey where a boy grows into a man by gaining strength, knowledge, resources, and wisdom.
>> No. 26662 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 3:31 pm
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It's fascinating how you manage to characterise yourself as a weak, useless individual while still projecting an air of superiority over 'them', meaning the rest of society.

I understand your plight as someone overlooked by society, but you'll learn very quickly that the only true way to make your way in this world is to be actually happy and legitimately fulfilled. And that 'normal' people are far deeper than you think, probably more than you are, and they will reject you out of hand when they realise all you can do is talk about the gym and how much of a loser you used to be.

I suggest reading less Red Pill and more Aurelius.
>> No. 26663 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 3:51 pm
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Out of shape here and don't much care and have enjoyed the intimate company of more women than you ever will. Amusing how you assumed I might aim as high as a thirty year old who wants a sugar daddy as I approach twenty years older than that, if I get those 'big arms' that is. Have been besieged by women of that age and younger in recent years. Not much long term future in these couplings but it's passed some time.

Funny too how you assume that any user here would also reject social media. This is not a 'chan board' and never was. Things are different here.

>I have a shit personality
That's a bit I wouldn't disagree with - you want to push fat lads down stairs you nutjob.

There is no such thing as alpha and beta, or chad and stacey. I deeply detest the whole Red Pill thing and the pernicious and damaging effect it has had on lonely young men. What the chap above says, try reading something else.
>> No. 26664 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 7:35 pm
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> There is no such thing as alpha and beta, or chad and stacey. I deeply detest the whole Red Pill thing and the pernicious and damaging effect it has had on lonely young men.

I'm not That Lad (obviously) but my own life experience strongly suggests that some people do a lot more shagging, and shag a lot more people, than the majority do. I'm not sure if I'd go as far as to compare it to the 80/20 principle but it's got to be somewhere close. I've known lads who've shagged more lasses in a week than I've shagged in my life - they're just natural born shaggers.

> the pernicious and damaging effect it has had on lonely young men

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to improve yourself, generally, especially if your natural tendency is to look like you live behind a hedge on an A road, live off fast food and sugary drinks, do no exercise, or do much reading beyond your computer screen.

I think where the harm comes in is where certain susceptible people can find themselves ruminating over and over on a subject they can't change - how much shagging they or someone else may or may not have done prior to today.

In "incel" communities you see this insecurity manifest itself as "I'm never getting a gf because .... "

In TRP/MGTOW communities you see this insecurity manifest itself as "I never should have married / I'm never going to marry a slut who fucked her way around uni (or college as the yanks call it for some unfathomable reason) and her early twenties because why should I buy the cow when all those other fuckers spunked their milk on it for free" I love me a mixed metaphor.

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>> No. 26633 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 12:23 pm
26633 spacer
How does everyone else do life

How do you go from having no friends to being satisfied when you move place, how do you meet people, how do you do anything

I haven't had a casual conversation with another human being for two years
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>> No. 26638 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 4:03 pm
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This. If you want a sociable hobby then take up something like hockey. If you're female then you have the options of netball and roller derby.
>> No. 26639 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 5:21 pm
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True, I just feel like it's a comfortable environment for people who likely already have shut-in tendencies. Hence posting here. I know I for one feel much more comfortable interacting with people when we're already on common ground with an established pretext for the occasion.

There are other alternatives of course. One has to choose something that tickles one's personal fancy.
>> No. 26640 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 8:54 pm
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There are loads of board game clubs popping up these days, which satisfies the "activity to occupy socially awkward men between gaps in small talk" criteria with none of the "paying £60 for a plastic tank and spending half your evenings covering the dining table in drips of super glue" nonsense.

I'd also suggest an evening class. You're all beginners, so there's far less chance that you'll find yourself trying to inveigle your way into a well-established clique. If you pick something like cookery or a foreign language, there'll probably be a decent gender ratio.

The Quakers might be worth a go if you've got a local meeting - they offer the community of a church, but without the god bit.

Volunteering might also be a good option. Charities and community projects are crying out for volunteers at the moment. Doing something to help other people can have a really positive impact on your self-esteem.


If you've been very isolated recently, I'd suggest setting yourself the goal of having at least one social interaction every day. Something trivial like asking a librarian to recommend a book or making small-talk at the bus stop can be surprisingly powerful in making you feel more like a part of society.
>> No. 26651 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 12:42 am
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I know this won't be particularly helpful but maybe at least you'll feel less alone.

> How does everyone else do life


> How do you go from having no friends to being satisfied when you move place, how do you meet people, how do you do anything

I don't. I make acquaintances, sometimes, through hobbies. It's very. very, rare that I ever see people outside the times and places of the execution of these hobbies, though.

I honestly feel like the further we get from our university age years the harder it is to make friends. Back then someone would always be holding a party at their place on any given weekend, and I'd go home with 4 o 5 or more new "friends" or phone numbers (this being back in the stone ages before smart phones). Now I'm well outside of that age group, everyone seems more or less busy with their own life, everyone's always tired, most people I knew back then aren't even in the same country any more never mind the same town, and to be honest I barely have time to meet people for a chat anyway.

Weekends are the loneliest time, weekends and the long dark 6pm - 11pm teatime of the soul, as Douglas Adams called it.
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>> No. 26657 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 11:32 am
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>Weekends are the loneliest time, weekends and the long dark 6pm - 11pm teatime of the soul, as Douglas Adams called it.

I really do second the "join evening classes/start doing some kind of group exercise/volunteer your time" line. As adults you really have to start carving out time for things you care about, and shared hobbies are good places to start. There's still some free forms of these first two knocking around; ParkRun groups, board games nights (they really are taking off, >>26640 has the nail right on the head), anything at your local community centre. Your local food bank always needs volunteers too, if you can take yourself outside of your own head for a bit and focus solely on the job of stock taking and package assembling for others (without crying at the numbers of people and situations necessitating food banks these days). >>26639 and everyone else expounding on this theme has it right. Bite the bullet and go outside, mate, or you can't lament that nothing is ever changing if you don't do owt.

>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
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>> No. 26632 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 8:08 am
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>So the standard GP "I don't know what I'm doing so I'll just tick the most applicable boxes so I can prescribe the drugs the NHS trust prefers I prescribe" diagnosis, then?

Not at all. I think it is the right diagnosis for me I've had depression on and off for years but recently I've started having neurotic freak outs. (Dredging up old memories that make me uncomfortable for split second bursts)

The only other diagnosis I guess would make sense is PTSD.

When I began seeking treatment for my problems the first time I had private health insurance. I don't think a NHS GP has ever diagnosed me. The most recent shift in diagnosis is a result of talking through my symptoms and past with a psychiatrist for a solid hour.

>Duloxetine is also a shitty follow up to Mirtaz... why the fuck would you switch someone from a "lie in bed all day but at least you're not killing yourself drug" straight to a "get out of bed right now you Major Depressive fuck" drug? Now that is a decision that should make you question the competence of whoever this poor chap is working with.

What's your angle here? I want to be better I requested the change in drug because I was feeling much better and wanted to start living a more meaningful life, it just turned out the new drug doesn't work for me. You've made an awful lot of assumptions here about this being some presumptive GP making it up as they go along. I didn't tell you that. Where is this all coming from lad? It seems like you are projecting something onto me. What's really bothering you here?
>> No. 26645 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 11:02 pm
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> I think it is the right diagnosis for me

How many hypothetical diagnosis cycles have you been through? It took three highly qualified specialist psychiatrists several cycles of almost killing me before we found something which, touch wood, seems to be a valid diagnosis for me and a combination of (currently) five medications that seem to be working for me. Maybe you were just lucky enough to be in the statistical majority. The fact that your medication still isn't right for you suggests that you aren't, though, and that your case is probably more complex than you hope.

>> >Duloxetine is also a shitty follow up to Mirtaz...
> What's your angle here?

That your doctor is shitty. Jumping you from Mirtaz to Duloxetine is like taking you from morphine to meth without trying codeine or caffeine or anything else along the way.

> I want to be better I requested the change in drug because I was feeling much better and wanted to start living a more meaningful life, it just turned out the new drug doesn't work for me.

That doesn't make sense, if you were feeling much better why would ask for a change in drug? Because you were too sleepy? Well sometimes that's the way the cookie crumbles. My own meds make me shit myself every two hours but if I come off them I'll probably be dead within two weeks, so I eat a box of Immodium a day and try to eat more fiber. You deal with the most important things things first. I, for example won't take anything that interferes with my ability to do sport and exercise - without those all my symptoms get worse, medication or no medication.

>You've made an awful lot of assumptions here about this being some presumptive GP making it up as they go along. I didn't tell you that.
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>> No. 26647 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 11:42 pm
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At the point that you are telling me I'm autistic because the assumptions you've made about me and my situation are wrong, you probably shouldn't be posting in emo and have clearly crossed the line of constructive posting.

It is terrible that you have to take so many meds and that you have been misdiagnosed so much, but it isn't a competition, and isn't relevant to my situation. If you have pain you want to share by all means share it. Don't use me as a proxy for the axe you grind though.
>> No. 26648 Anonymous
13th May 2018
Sunday 11:51 pm
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>That your doctor is shitty. Jumping you from Mirtaz to Duloxetine is like taking you from morphine to meth without trying codeine or caffeine or anything else along the way.

This statement is obviously nonsense to anyone with even a rudimentary understanding of psychopharmacology. I don't know what your problem is or what agenda you're trying to push, but you're not helping the situation.
>> No. 26655 Anonymous
14th May 2018
Monday 4:27 am
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> At the point that you are telling me I'm autistic because the assumptions you've made about me and my situation are wrong...

You haven't been clear about your situation, and it's obvious that your current medication isn't working, so anyone wanting to offer any advice beyond a shoulder to cry on has to read between the lines and make certain assumptions. The autism comment was perhaps too glib and didn't belong in /emo/ and I apologize for that.

Also don't worry about me lad, I've whinged enough on here to last several lifetimes, I'm not trying to one up you in the Who's The Most Mental Mentallad on Britfa challenge but as I said your medication clearly isn't right for you so it's quite likely that you're being mis-prescribed and/or misdiagnosed.

The fact that (presumably) you mentioned "mood stabalisers" in one post, and then said "then I switched from mirtaz to SSRIs" two posts later shows that something isn't quite right. An SSRI is certainly not a mood stabaliser and will patently make conditions that need mood stablisers worse (although for you it seems to be having little effect at all, which is better than an adverse effect, I suppose).

There's not much more to say, really as any other suggestion I make seems to upset you further which far from what I want.

>This statement is obviously nonsense to anyone with even a rudimentary understanding of psychopharmacology

It's illustratively hyperbolic and nothing more. If you like we can cunt off about the pharmacology of various generations and subtypes of antidepressants on /lab/ or /A/ or somewhere more apt.
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>> No. 26538 Anonymous
28th April 2018
Saturday 10:13 am
26538 Mental health venting
I face dilemma as follows.

I'm the last two months I have been experiencing quite a lot of suicidal thoughts. Due to work, it's career suicide to talk about mental health issues in general, suicide even more so. This is tragic as I know I'm not alone.

I came back from seven months of fieldwork before this all started and I was in high spirits and didn't go down the hedonistic route that has been my habit for the last two decades.

A possible factor here are women issues. I've recently met a woman my age who id incredible, but very emotionally needy, something I am not great at dealing with. Another much younger woman is also on the scene, I suspect I am drawn to her from the point of view that I will soon be too old to fuck women of her age and calibre so am seeing it as a last hurrah. It's also been over a decade since I was in a live in/serious relationship. Meeting someone and maintaining a relationship is not facilitated by work for multiple reasons.

I just wanted to went. Thank you for listening/reading. I can't answer questions about work so don't ask.
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>> No. 26539 Anonymous
28th April 2018
Saturday 11:02 am
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I hope you're okay lad.

Please get in touch with the Samaritans or a mental health professional if you're feeling you can't keep a lid on it.

It is a bit shit regarding mental health though, I read an article somewhere about how many people have massive mental health problems but won't seek help because they're afraidit will hurt their professional life because there's rarely any nuance with it and any jobs will just automatically exclude them.

Hope it gets better lad, sorry i don't have much useful advice.
>> No. 26540 Anonymous
28th April 2018
Saturday 11:13 am
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We wish you a speedy recovery, double-oh.

Seriously, though, you're absolutely right about mental health and work. I'd highly recommend taking on private care from a qualified professional if you need it and can afford it.
>> No. 26541 Anonymous
28th April 2018
Saturday 11:15 am
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There's a point - why are medical conditions carefully considered for most jobs but depression (Ranging from 'I get a little down so take some mood bosters' to 'I couldn't keep a lid on it') largely lumped into one massive unhelpful category?

It does seem a bit strange.
>> No. 26562 Anonymous
30th April 2018
Monday 4:41 am
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OP here.

Thanks for the support. It's all stuff I already know, but somehow a bunch of anonymous autistic people bothering to reply is heartening.

I have got a lot of work to do linked to the unhealthy hyper masculinity I was exposed to in childhood and which work sort of consolidates. I've got a sort of action plan, which doesn't involve hookers and heavy drinking. I'm in much better physical shape than most men my age, but I've had an unhealthy relationship with my body, and fitness, due to military approaches to it. I'm starting a holistic relationship with my self and will eventually share this with others once I sort myself out.

I've already spoken to a few people offline and will follow on with this.

As a weird aside I've also fallen in love with an old friend and it seems she has similar feelings, the only minor issue being my fear of emotional intimacy, something we will work with. We will take it very slow and see how things go once I come back to town.

Again thanks.

>> No. 26536 Anonymous
26th April 2018
Thursday 7:14 pm
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I'm starting to worry a bit about my Dad.

He retired about a decade ago after doing manual labour all his working life and he seems to be slowly falling apart ever since then. He's been diagnosed with osteoporosis and has the bone strength of someone twenty years older than him, which has led to having lumbar surgery. He's on the borderline of having blood pressure and cholesterol issues. I saw him at the weekend and he seems to be developing a bit of a stoop; he's not frail by any means but he's no longer the big strong man I remember from growing up.

Anyway, it's more his mental state I'm concerned with. He's always been a bit on the slow and forgetful side but it is noticeable that he's becoming even more doddery. When I speak with my Mum she jokes about it and how she's having the same conversation with him repeatedly, but that's always been the way she deals with things. It's weird, but ever since I can remember I've always expected that he'll go senile one day.

I'm not entirely sure what I'm aiming to get out of this thread. Obviously the next step is to broach with my parents about setting up Lasting Powers of Attorney in case they're ever needed but that's all I can do, really.
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>> No. 26537 Anonymous
26th April 2018
Thursday 8:18 pm
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>Anyway, it's more his mental state I'm concerned with. He's always been a bit on the slow and forgetful side but it is noticeable that he's becoming even more doddery. When I speak with my Mum she jokes about it and how she's having the same conversation with him repeatedly, but that's always been the way she deals with things. It's weird, but ever since I can remember I've always expected that he'll go senile one day.
Sounds a bit like my nan. Dementia is frustrating, not least because during onset the poor bugger doesn't realise it's happening, and actually trying to get them to be tested can be a battle in itself. In her case, it took several assessments and eventually a very public fall before the diagnosis was made. If you can, have some serious talk with your mother, because she will almost certainly bear the brunt of it and it will be distinctly unpleasant.
>> No. 26546 Anonymous
29th April 2018
Sunday 3:36 pm
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My granddad started becoming "funny" as he himself called it when he was about in his late 60s. One of the first warning signs that I noticed was that he was confusing the names of his grandchildren. Calling me Alan, while my actual name isn't even remotely similar. But more worryingly, my granddad didn't have any grandson called Alan at all. Nobody in our entire family was called Alan.

And then things like, one of his rituals for many years used to be popping down to the newsagent's down the street every Sunday morning to get the paper, but when his dementia started, he would call my nan on his mobile phone halfway to the newsagent's and say that he couldn't remember where he wanted to go.

My granddad was fully aware what was happening to him, and it depressed him noticeably as the illness progressed. He was a financial manager in his working life, so he used to be somebody with a sharp mind for numbers and all the small details, and when he got dementia, all of that sharpness of his mind faded away. My nan stuck by him, which was hard enough. He then died of a heart attack suddenly about two years later, so at least he died before the dementia turned him into a complete mental vegetable.

Dementia is a shit way to go. Because it destroys the person you used to know slowly one day at a time. And the more intelligent and sharp a person used to be while they were in good health, the more shocking the effects will be.
>> No. 26553 Anonymous
29th April 2018
Sunday 10:39 pm
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Dementia is shit. I've seen lots of people in the ward, pieces of meat without any higher mental functioning, kept alive only by invasive treatment without any chance of recovery. Why keep those meatbags alive is beyond me. I already signed a DNR and in case something bad happens my cardiologist has the unofficial order to just administer a lethal dose of Oramorph by mistake. I hope he has the balls to do that if it is needed.
>> No. 26554 Anonymous
29th April 2018
Sunday 10:56 pm
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>she jokes about it and how she's having the same conversation with him repeatedly
Yep, that's early dementia. Sorry dude. Good that you are planning for it now.

>> No. 26542 Anonymous
28th April 2018
Saturday 3:25 pm
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This time last year I was on the dole, friendless, and miserable. Now I have a job, I'm friendless, and miserable. I've been trying to go to some meetup things, and they're (mostly) okay as far as they go, but they're just fleeting social contacts. The big problem is that I have no idea how to establish more meaningful relationships, especially romantic relationships. Social matters have never been at all intuitive to me (I didn't have any friends in primary school either).

When I was a BRILLIANT teenlad I'd tell myself that this didn't really matter because I'd surely have killed myself by a such and such an age, it's not the case. The real horror is that I'll actually continue to live an unsatisfying life forever.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I don't expect a solution. I'm just tired of this, and I want to complain.
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>> No. 26543 Anonymous
28th April 2018
Saturday 4:02 pm
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Establishing meaningful relationships in our lives is a challenge for everyone, and as cliche as the phrase has become, loneliness is an epidemic (in my opinion as a direct result of a number of political, economic, and cultural factors that I won't bother talking about here).

Don't worry about not finding social interaction intuitive. In fact a lot of it is incredibly counterintuitive, and everyone struggles with one aspect or another. Some people are effortless public speakers but dread being alone in a lift with someone, for example.

I'm not qualified to offer any in-depth advice, but I have come to these points:

1) Living your life on the basis of your sincere interests. This sounds wanky and vague, but what I mean is: meetup groups are great and all, but it's a bit of a pot luck whether you meet anyone you really have much in common with. People usually rely on making friends via work, simply because they have that starting point of having work in common, but there are many routes if you're really out there and chasing after particular goals. If you're really actively pursuing something you're passionate about, you're going to run into people who have developed that same passion. By default, I think this a better bet for a stronger friendship.

2) Once you've met those people, you'll keep sharing your mutual interests, and then with a few of those you'll strike on some other parts of your identity that you share. I've developed unexpected deeper friendships on the basis of academic subjects, politics, music, sexuality (not necessarily having sex with them, but being of the same orientation), and sometimes just being in the same life situation.

3) Becoming more open. I suspect .gs is full of some fiercely private people, and I include myself in that. But at some stage, the more you talk to people, the more you will invariably end up revealing about yourself, your habits, how you see yourself, how you really live both externally and in your head. Learning to share this with the right people is the central challenge of developing meaningful friendships. You can share a sense of humour with people, and have loads of acquiantences, but once you narrow it down there may only be a few you an get on with on this level.

4) Tolerating them as human beings. Even the sweetest and most well-meaning people on this earth will get on your tits eventually. I have friends who I consider close as brothers/sisters, and yet just to name the habits of a few of them, they're: late to events eight out of ten times, perpetually broke, prone to being a smartarse, always driving like a twat, committing to something regular for all of four weeks, always indecisive, on and on and on... It sounds silly, but a little tolerance in those early stages of getting to know someone can be the difference between making a lasting friendship or not. I'm not saying "be a doormat", but it's healthy to realise you will have flaws too, and a tiny bit of patience goes a long way. Even better if you manage to find the very few people able to talk about it, but that's quite rare.

I hope this helps, for what it's worth.
>> No. 26544 Anonymous
28th April 2018
Saturday 4:25 pm
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Go to the same meetup-type event every week. Make an effort to chat to people and don't be shy about asking their name if you've forgotten or haven't been properly introduced. Once you start getting to know a few people, invite them to the pub afterwards or on a different night. You don't have to be the life and soul of the party - being an attentive listener and showing a genuine interest in what someone has to say is more than enough. Exchange social media details or mobile numbers. Message them a couple of times a week to ask them how they are, to tell them about what you've been up to or just to share an article or a TV programme you think they might be interested in. If you don't click with someone and things fizzle out, don't take it to heart, just try again with someone else.

Have a go at online dating. Accept that it's a numbers game and that most of your messages will just be ignored. Put your best foot forward and present your best qualities, but be open about the fact that you're a bit shy. If you seem to be getting on, invite them for coffee. Don't get carried away with expectations of finding your true love, just try to enjoy the process of meeting people and getting to know them. Be aware that a lot of women use online dating sites as an ego boost even if they have no intention of moving things forward, so be prepared to cut your losses if you've been chatting for more than a week or two without making progress towards meeting up.

If you think that anxiety might be an obstacle for you, ask your GP about a referral for CBT. It's a practical, solution-oriented intervention to help you overcome your fears and make progress towards living the life you want. It's not the right fit for everyone, but about half of people who try it experience a change for the better.

Keep in mind that these things take time. Don't beat yourself up about your current situation, just focus on making small steps towards your goal. If you find yourself getting disheartened, take a few minutes to list all the positive steps you've taken and the good experiences you've had. We evolved as a species to focus on possible risks and dangers, so sometimes it takes a bit of conscious effort to notice the good things about your life.

Do let us know how you get on.
>> No. 26545 Anonymous
28th April 2018
Saturday 4:49 pm
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Making friends as an adult is difficult. Really difficult.

I graduated almost a decade ago and I haven't developed what I'd class as a meaningful friendship since then; a few former work colleagues I'm on good terms with and sporadically still contact, but that's it. Most of my friends haven't widened their friendship circles since then, either. A few have succeeded, which seems to stem from things like dog walking, playing live poker, getting new housemates and the like.

I'm not very good with new people or at making small talk but I've learnt from bad experiences in my first couple of jobs, where I ended up ignored or would be told about things that happened whilst I was there but they'd forgotten I was, that it's up to you to go and talk to people rather than waiting for them to come up to you because chances are they won't. I used to have a bad habit of having things in my mind to say to join a conversation but I'd wait too long and the moment would pass so now I just blurt it out and it seems to be working.
>> No. 26547 Anonymous
29th April 2018
Sunday 8:25 pm
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>it's up to you to go and talk to people rather than waiting for them to come up to you because chances are they won't.

I hate this, I've been on both the in and the out side of this and it takes no effort for someone to go "so, newlad, what do you make of all this then?" but I seem to be one of few people to understand this.
>> No. 26551 Anonymous
29th April 2018
Sunday 9:35 pm
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I always do this, but it's ingrained into me from the Masons. Newbies can feel isolated after they are no longer the centre of attention and everyone wants to meet them, so I bring them into my circle until such time as they out grow us. They never forget it and you've got a grateful friend who'll, hopefully, pay it forward in kind.

>> No. 26383 Anonymous
27th March 2018
Tuesday 8:54 am
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I am completely lost. I don't want to exist. Sitting in work toilet crying my eyes out.

Finished uni, fine. Got one job offer afterwards, had no idea what the role was but go it anyway and it was my only offer so what the fuck else was I supposed to do. Cue two years of living as a lodger with some cunt twice my age I hate, in a shithole concrete town where I know nobody or have any desire to know anyone, I spoke to nobody at work, I did nothing when I got home, i just existed and waited for the next day. Never had a gf. Two mates in London, one who has plenty of other friends and wouldn't notice if I set fire to myself in front of him and another who just doesn't care, they're both miles away.

Anyway I recently got a new job, same thing but different company. I don't want to do this thing but its the only thing I can do by the looks at it, the only basis of that being that its what I did before. Still living in the same place and commuting one hour thirty. I'm bored out of my mind, I have no reason to be here, I'm just a dead vessel going to work then coming back to my hotel room I call a home, is there nothing more than this forever, i do nothing, i have nothing, im just an ugly friendless lifeless cunt in debt and with no point to any of it
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>> No. 26483 Anonymous
5th April 2018
Thursday 2:56 am
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I'd say neo-advaita has been the single most important thing for me overcoming the anxiety and depersonalisation etc., that I used to have.
>> No. 26529 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 8:34 pm
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Not the op, but I bought and read this. Fantastic book, a collection of great biographies centred around a solid idea. It's really interesting how well the lessons of the Bhagavad-Gita correspond with modern psychology about happiness, especially Csikszentmihalyi's idea of Flow.

Thanks for the recommendation. I still recommend Duckworth's Grit to anyone interested.
>> No. 26530 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 9:10 pm
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How did it help you?
>> No. 26533 Anonymous
25th April 2018
Wednesday 12:18 am
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>Not the op, but I bought and read this. Fantastic book, a collection of great biographies centred around a solid idea. It's really interesting how well the lessons of the Bhagavad-Gita correspond with modern psychology about happiness, especially Csikszentmihalyi's idea of Flow.

especially Csikszentmihalyi's idea of Flow.
>> No. 26535 Anonymous
25th April 2018
Wednesday 12:38 am
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I guess I had an overwhelming sense of ego before I learned about nonduality, and it was fragile. Anxiety caused depersonalisation very easily and it was distressing to me. I was also very defensive.

I read Be As You Are: The Teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi first and his work's out there for free


and it was translated by Victiorians or something so the language is stuffy. He keeps kind of repeating himself, because he's trying to explain to people struggling to understand, so I didn't fell the need to even read all of it. Mooji's prose style is much more lucid.

Mooji and Sri Ramana Maharshi both have the same glowy look around their eyes.

>> No. 26501 Anonymous
20th April 2018
Friday 12:12 pm
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Been with a girl for the past 4 years. My first girlfriend, her first boyfriend. We were each others first. When I look in her eyes I see the most heart wrenching unfiltered love. It makes me cry.

I've cheated on her when intoxicated three times.

The first time I wrote off as a stupid mistake, it was "just a kiss", I thought, I'll learn from it. I told her and we moved on, somehow.

The second time I had sex with a fucking Chinese student at a house party.
The third was last night with some stupid fucking duck lipped airhead 6former.

She deserves better than me, but I don't want to lose her. I love her, I want to spend my life with her. Whenever I'm drunk or on something I get ridiculously heated, this sexual energy just overcomes me. I was a nerd in comp, I didn't get any female attention, post-uni I've come out of my shell, realised my strengths, grown in confidence. No doubt in part due to her. But I think it's made me search for something I missed, to try and make up for lost time. She was the first person to who I made that promise and I broke it. On my first go. I'm flawed beyond belief, an objectively 'bad' person, but does that mean I shouldn't pursue what is objectively good for me, for the sake of morality? IDK, what the fuck am I on about... I don't imagine love like that is easy to find. I almost hope it isn't. I should probably just top myself, I enjoy sleeping, it might be alright.
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>> No. 26526 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 7:50 pm
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Everything about this post is hilarious.
>> No. 26527 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 8:15 pm
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Well fuck you, he's been on £40K since he was 23. Yep, one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen here.
>> No. 26528 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 8:26 pm
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>So you had much more of an incentive of making things work out with the partner you were with, instead of just dumping them and meeting up with a fellow Tinder user the next weekend.

My friends looked at me with incredulity when I tried explaining to them that sometimes you have to make marriage work rather than giving up; in their eyes that equates to staying in a relationship you're unhappy with so you should bail at the first sign of trouble. These are people in their early thirties and most of them haven't been in a stable long-term relationship.
>> No. 26531 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 10:08 pm
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This is exactly what I mean. The idea that a steady relationship with a strong bond between two partners is often the result of having been through thick and thin together is increasingly lost on the younger generation.

Nobody is saying that you should stay in an abusive relationship or marriage where every new day is just horrible and you pretty much even dread waking up next to that person in the morning. That's a given. But relationships will inevitably run into rough patches now and then, and things will have to be sorted out. If your answer to that is always to just drop everything and go find somebody new, then you will remain a quite immature person for much of your life.
>> No. 26532 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 10:23 pm
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what's a relationship

>> No. 26504 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 10:30 pm
26504 How to look older?
In the past week I've
-been id'd for an energy drink
-picked out of a heavy crowd at a bar and id'd by an angry doorman
-called 'little girl' by a nurse
-sold a child ticket by a bus driver
-mistaken for my 15 year old sister
-been dismissed by a woman when I tried to join in a group conversation about education ("when you're older and you go to university, you'll realize...)
-cooed at by a woman in a bakery when I went in to ask about a job ("oh I'm so sorry love, but you have to be 16 for a job")

I'm 24 years old, and despite everyone assuring me that I am so lucky to look so young (usually following a flurry of apologies and embarrassed looks), it's getting me down. I want people to meet me and take me seriously, not fob me off because they think I'm 15. I want to be able to attract people and date - I've had one relationship since I came out of my teens and that with a rather psychopathic character who I think got off of fact that I looked so young. I feel anxious about pursuing my career this year as I feel I'll get strange looks.

I'm 5f1 so I'm not that tall, but I don't think every short lass gets it like this.

I don't even save myself money by buying child train tickets. It just hurts.

Message too long. Click here to view the full text.
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>> No. 26509 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 1:06 am
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Baltic or Slavic? They're different brands of shithole. Poland is a mix of the two. I new a lass who ate garden peas from the tin, claimed you couldn't get them in Polska. Also, she ate pike. Had me bring her one from the canal which she steamed and made fishcakes with.

Dye your hair black and cut it short, wear red lipstick. Popping out a sprog will do it too.
>> No. 26510 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 1:08 am
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>mistaken for my 15 year old sister

Superdry, olive green; size XL
>> No. 26512 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 9:15 am
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Being more assertive will make you look older. I have noticed this a lot, particularly at work: to the point were I have to take a few years off my guess at how old particularly alpha people are.
>> No. 26514 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 12:01 pm
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My missus still gets this and she's 30 this year. A bus driver wanted to sell her an under 16s ticket the other month. I don't get it, she looks young but more like 20ish than a teenager to me, though I've known her since we were both 13 so maybe that's why. She's short like you though, too, though I'd have thought the massive boobs or the lip piercing would have given the game away too, but there you go.

For her part, she straightens her curly hair, wears prominent lipstick and eye shadow/liner (sorry I don't know exactly what she does because I'm a bloke) and wears a lot of blouses and shirts and such. She also wears boots often which make her a little taller, but I assume almost all short women already do that. I can ask her directly later for more details, if you'd like, but her eye makeup definitely makes her look older.

I suspect a lot of it comes from the fact it's weighing on you so heavily, though - the missus is confident and decisive, doesn't particularly give a shit anymore, and that comes across in just about everything she does, if she's talking there's no way anyone would mistake her for that young because she talks like someone who has their shit together - she doesn't, particularly, but she sounds like she does. If you're in your head about this, and it's knocking your confidence, then that might well have the effect of making you look even younger as you shrink into yourself. Assertiveness and directness makes you look so much older, though I appreciate it's a difficult attitude to just suddenly adopt. Fake it till you make it, though.

Sorry that I'm mostly rambling here, but I hope there's something of use to you in there.
>> No. 26515 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 12:11 pm
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I can see OP's predicament, as I have always looked young for my age as well. I'm in middle age now, but I did get carded all the way into my early 30s when I was out with friends.

Quite honestly? It may seem like a curse to you at the moment, but youthful looks will pay off for you a bit later in your life. Women get judged more on their physical age than men, as everybody knows, and that means that regardless of what you will bring to the table in terms of character and being a good person (which I have no doubt you do, going by your post), in the end, youthful looks are always an advantage.

Don't try to look older, OP. Nature will do that to you in due time even with the best of genes. I can see that it kind of hinders your success in the dating world, I used to know a lass who looked not a day older than twelve at age eighteen, and she was with a 22-year-old bloke who looked 22. They got shocked looks now and then when they were kissing in public, and one guy apparently even shouted "Fuck off you paedo" at him from across the street once.

Again, thank nature for blessing you with youthful looks. When you get to be my age, it will come in handy more than you can ever imagine now.

>> No. 26486 Anonymous
13th April 2018
Friday 8:19 pm
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Is there any point in pursuing a girl romantically, who has told me she still has feelings for her ex?
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>> No. 26490 Anonymous
13th April 2018
Friday 8:56 pm
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>> No. 26491 Anonymous
13th April 2018
Friday 8:59 pm
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At some point, if she gets over her ex and realises that she has feelings for you that make her want to leave her past behind and focus on what a wonderful chap you are, here in the present, then the whole thing has a chance.

If she is just using you as a rebound, prepare to get your heart ripped out and handed to you.

Ask yourself what that lass is really worth to you. Is she just a passing fancy, or is this really somebody that you're really head over heels in love with.

There are many other women out there who would enjoy your attention just as much but aren't secretly still longing for their ex, you know.
>> No. 26492 Anonymous
14th April 2018
Saturday 1:01 am
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Hard question to answer as I think everyone has an old flame that's still alight somewhere. It's the fact that she's vocalized this to you that's a bit of a red flag to me.
>> No. 26493 Anonymous
14th April 2018
Saturday 2:15 am
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Absolutely not. Happened to me once, there are worse ways to be dumped but it certainly made it all feel like a waste of time.
>> No. 26496 Anonymous
14th April 2018
Saturday 12:02 pm
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stick it in her bum

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