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>> No. 18262 Anonymous ## Mod ##
5th March 2014
Wednesday 8:27 pm
18262 Please check the old pages for similar threads Locked Stickied
before creating a new one.
Failure to do so may result in angry shouting.
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>> No. 29363 Anonymous
2nd February 2020
Sunday 12:12 pm
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Go here if you want to talk to someone one-on-one: https://discord.gg/Nwn8b29

>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
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>> No. 29590 Anonymous
31st March 2020
Tuesday 1:25 am
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Nor can I take a new contract around here, as I have no idea when I'll need to move out, but with any luck it will be July or Aug at the latest.
>> No. 29591 Anonymous
31st March 2020
Tuesday 1:27 am
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Getting a bit of cabin fever with the missus working from home. AIBU?

I'm still having to work because I'm a key worker. I had the afternoon off and I wanted to play some videogames, but I had to knock that idea on the head because apparently it was too distracting, even though I was wearing headphones. I swore under my breath at the game a few times. I decided to go have a wank in the other room instead but she suddenly decided to be clingy, I asked her to give me some space because the constant presence was getting to me a bit, she gave me a couple of hours but then came back in to pester me again. She gave me a shit handjob I didn't really want, then I fell asleep in all the jizz and now I'm pissed off because I fell asleep too early and won't sleep properly, and I feel like I utterly wasted the time off because she's an autistic fuckwit.

I feel like I'm always adjusting for her wierd little idiosyncrasies and being accomodating for her neuroses but she doesn't do the same for me. I'm the one who always has to compromise. I'm snapping at her more often than I used to. It sounds like I don't think very highly of her but she's one of the most considerate partners I've ever had usually, I just wish she was a bit less fucking neurotic sometimes and we can open the windows to let some fresh air in without her putting on her anxiety face because insects might get in.
>> No. 29592 Anonymous
31st March 2020
Tuesday 1:41 am
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Mate, I'm well past 11 cans of Stella, but hear me out. (I tried to capitalise the word Stella, and it I clicked on paste instead, and I pasted Greta.)

I think you are being a bit more unreasonable than her. It is not everyday that you get to spend a lot of time with your partner, and most people can't deal with how that turns out. Relationships are about compromises, and I think you should have a set place for you to unwind undisturbed, as you would for a work area for your wfh (as she does for herself I presume).

The important thing here is communication. Nobody can be with someone else 100% of the time, and that doesn't mean you hate them. Most people need time to unwind, regroup, and re-energise. It isn't weird to discuss this with her, and I think you should. You and her should have a space to yourselves. I would urge you to discuss and communicate it, and not in a shouting manner.

Do you have any extra rooms? Do you have a shed? Do you have a man-cave? Man-cave sounds a bit reductive, but I would urge you to find space for yourself, as should she. She sounds great, and you sound like you are a good match for her. Don't let it get to screaming matches.
>> No. 29593 Anonymous
31st March 2020
Tuesday 2:04 am
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Trouble is the room she's working in is the same room I have all my hobby/unwinding stuff in. I can't really shift it all, I could go in the living room but really all that room is for is watching netflix. Nothing productive to do. I was happy to adjourn to the bedroom instead and communicated that I'd like to be left alone, but it was her that chose to interrupt the wank odyssey that was my plan B.

I've offered her my laptop to use so she can work from the bedroom or living room instead, which would theoretically give us more flexibility if either of us wants space. But she doesn't want to (she makes it sound physically impossible, because the screen is too small. This is something that irks me a bit by now, her refusals to meet me in the middle are always concrete absolutes, and I feel like it's just excuse making a lot of the time.) Like I say I feel like I'm the one making all the compromises and she's just unwilling to budge from her comfort zone at all- That troubles me because we both need to be willing to do so or it will just breed resentment.

I'm just really not sure how to get that point across to her without sounding accusatory I suppose, and I always question myself too much about whether I'm just under the illusion of perception bias.
>> No. 29594 Anonymous
31st March 2020
Tuesday 2:27 am
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>putting on her anxiety face because insects might get in.
What, even in summer? That would drive me out of the house, no question.

>> No. 29019 Anonymous
21st October 2019
Monday 7:32 pm
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I honestly can't stand it any more.

The internet is breaking my faith in the human species and I need a break from it. Doesn't matter where you go. Chan boards? Infested with alt-right mouthbreathers. Reddit? The opposite brand of people with mind-worms so powerful they think the holodomor was a good thing. Video game sites? Corporate shills and pay-pig knuckle draggers. Obscure nerd hobby forum? Autism so powerful you can't even risk making a joke. Twitter? Let's not even go there, honestly.

Talking to randoms online has always felt like a beneficial exposure to differing ideas and opinions, but nowadays I'm starting to feel like participating in anything resembling the typical modern social media culture simply isn't good for me. Maybe I'm getting old, maybe everyone is just a dickhead, maybe I'm just a dickhead; but I used to be one of the people with ideals and some hope to change the world for the better. Ten years on, the kids have decided what I believe in is outdated, and that I'm pretty much the reincarnation of Hitler for every questioning the new orthodoxies of thought.

I'll be the first to admit I don't exactly have a busy social life in the real world. I'm working on changing that, but there are times I'm not feeling up to it, so I rely on the internet as a crutch. It's those times where I feel incredibly isolated without it, but exposing myself to the widespread toxicity of the internet at large any more is almost certainly unhealthy by this point.

What can I do?
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>> No. 29036 Anonymous
23rd October 2019
Wednesday 8:51 pm
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>What can I do?

Get outside, the internets isn't real.
>> No. 29082 Anonymous
25th November 2019
Monday 3:30 am
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>Chan boards? Infested with alt-right mouthbreathers

As someone that's been on a certain imageboard on-and-off for what'll be ten years in 2020, I know how you feel, m8. I hate these people about as much as those redditors you mentioned. I just saw that this meme (a meme that was part of the reason I really grew sick of the place) is apparently now so ubiquitous that it's trended on knowyourmeme:


Maybe I'm also just getting older, but the lack of any kind of civility online is just tiring to me, now. The internet has rarely ever been civil, but *at least* I knew there was an element of freedom of expression, as older people still didn't quite understand what kids did. Now we're not even gonna have that. All the places I've browsed for years are full and under a corporate thumb that once wasn't there, and if they are there, the place quickly becomes full of childish ideologues and oh-so hilarious memers.

What I will say is that I agree very much with this lad >>29030. I'm very lucky that I have a friend who thinks similarly to me, but he's admittedly also a lot more socially mature, less anxious. He thinks many of the things I think, but he's also just a kind, grounded person. He was once a lot more addicted to chans and the internet, but he hasn't been for years, now. He focuses on the outside world, and he just seems happier for it. Thinking of him keeps me remembering that the world outside, at least as it currently is, doesn't really give a shit about most of us, and that those that concern themselves with the internet too much are the ones ultimately doing themselves harm. They think they're so smart, so learned, so funny, but they're rarely making the difference that they think they are.

I guess to just summarise: The world does keep turning. And unless we hear nuclear sirens going off or you see tanks rolling down your street; then you've got the rest of your life to go out and enjoy it. I'd recommend getting the money together to visit national parks, forests, museums, etc. Don't mind the weather, just give it a go. It'll at least remind you that you're alive.
>> No. 29575 Anonymous
28th March 2020
Saturday 1:33 am
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Ive had the same thoughts recently.

This might sound a little forward, but I feel a weird affinity with you after reading your post and I feel like I'd love to get to know you
>> No. 29576 Anonymous
28th March 2020
Saturday 3:23 am
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In the space of fifteen years, online discourse has gone from isolated communities astonished to discover how many different points of view there are around the world, to becoming a hyperpartisan, hyperpolitical clusterfuck.

I don't post much any more, because I can tell that taking sense isn't doing any good. And that's, reassuringly, why arguing on the internet has got worse- because millions of us have attained enlightenment and bugged out of it. There are lots of us out there but we don't realise it because we've stopped communicating our presence.

I think a lot of us have used the internet to cathartically purge ourselves of a lot of the ugliness we see in others and have gone on to start families and have careers and such.

Meaningful conversation with the good guys tends to be brief. The good guys don't argue. They politely inform one another of facts, briefly research to confirm veracity, and thank each other for shoring up one another's ignorance. Conversation with the bad guys is a Sisyphean exercise in masochism, where they learn nothing and the only lesson you can learn is to not bother. So their rambling bleats tend to dominate message boards and such like.
>> No. 29577 Anonymous
28th March 2020
Saturday 7:45 am
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Try getting pen pals. I had one for a while a few years back where we solely communicated via email and I found it rather cathartic. A nice break from everything else online where you're generally getting instant responses and quickly disposable stimulation; you can properly reflect and think about what you're trying to say.

>> No. 29553 Anonymous
12th March 2020
Thursday 1:31 pm
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My coworker smells like used gym socks and he apparently never used a toothbrush in his life. I asked him twice to eat in the canteen since his food smells awful. I told him that I eat there to not leave food odours in the office, and he said “I do not mind if you eat here!” I answered him “I do” while pinching my nose. Now he’s acting all offended. We are both brown, so no racism issue. Any clue to solve the situation diplomatically?
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>> No. 29557 Anonymous
12th March 2020
Thursday 5:21 pm
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Do you work in an office? Are you of a similar rank? Do you have shared boss or some useless HR people?
>> No. 29558 Anonymous
12th March 2020
Thursday 6:37 pm
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It's always an option. However, I merely think the answer is an obvious one; you've got to tell him he smells awfully bad. He'll either thank you for it or think you're the biggest cunt in the history of the world, but there really isn't a good way to do this.
>> No. 29559 Anonymous
12th March 2020
Thursday 11:05 pm
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>you've got to tell him he smells awfully bad.

>I told him that I eat there to not leave food odours in the office, and he said “I do not mind if you eat here!” I answered him “I do” while pinching my nose.

I think that about covers it.

OP, short of coming up with ever more inventive ways to steal his lunch in the day and relocate it to the canteen with clever and heartwarming treasure trail clues to lead him there I can't think of any diplomatic way to solve this. There is a non-diplomatic solution in calling the feds (HR) and having them kaibosh the practice of eating at one's desk. It's technically a health and safety issue due to standing NHS advice on allergens and allergy sufferers, basically don't put them in the same room as one another. Doesn't matter if the food he eats is allergenic or not, it's the principle. The canteen exists for a reason. He'll know it was you though, and being brown he might blow you up after the fact.
>> No. 29560 Anonymous
13th March 2020
Friday 8:12 am
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Same rank, but he is agency staff. Same useless, absent boss. I do not want to call HR, he’s an Eskimo and they will crap themselves if he complains. I wanted to ask for a diplomatic way to handle the issue, but you people are as useful as a supplementary asshole on the forehead
>> No. 29561 Anonymous
13th March 2020
Friday 12:55 pm
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>agency staff

Therein lies the issue. If he's a temp he more than likely just doesn't give a fuck. On the flipside that means you don't have to give much of a fuck if you offend him. I'd go a little harder on him if I were you.

Have you tried telling him he's a dirty curry smelling inbred laplander and he's making you look bad by association in front of all the white folks?

>> No. 29510 Anonymous
3rd March 2020
Tuesday 8:53 pm
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I need some relationship advice lads.

I've just got off the phone to my partner (we're both away dealing with our own things at the moment) and it wasn't the most uplifting chat we have ever had.

It revolved around my actions, and how I have been inconsiderate on a few occasions and how this has made her feel, especially what had happened this last weekend. Whilst I certainly agree with some of it and disagree with other points she made, I said I would reflect on it and think about what she was saying (truth be told, I'm not sure what to reflect on, sometimes I am genuinally cluelessly inconsiderate, I have never intentionally done something to hurt her).

The conversation ended with an ultimatum. We have discussed marriage before (her more so eagerly than me) and whilst she loves me (and she does, a great deal), she has given me until the end of May to propose or that would be it.

Normally, I would consider an ultimatum of any sort a negative suggestion, but maybe she has a point? I love her dearly and the thought of her not being in my life and all of the upheaval it brings fills me with anxiety and sadness, but maybe I don't want marriage and it is unfair for her to continue under the assumption it would happen (she is older than me as well so biological clocks and all that are a cause of concern for her).

I just need some advice to try and get my head together, or to try and get an idea of what to think about and how to approach this. I'm concerned that all I am thinking about are the ways a break up would affect me (financially etc) so perhaps I am the inconsiderate one.

Anyone willing to have a chat and guide me a bit would be greatly appreciated.

Might try and get both me and my dad drunk this Friday to have a chat about it, it's the only way we can have heart to hearts.
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>> No. 29542 Anonymous
5th March 2020
Thursday 10:03 pm
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> "I wan't to marry you, but if not, I'll have to marry someone else, I AM getting married, that is happening"

This is almost word for word what happened to me a while back. The lass in question got it into her head that she was going to get married by some arbitrary birthday which was about two years away and as she knew I wasn't keen on remarrying her basic rationale was that she'd better get out there and start meeting someone who would marry her.

Even though our relationship carried on for a bit in an on again/off again kind/what the fuck is going on now kind of way she would always make snide comments bringing up the fact that I wasn't "going to change" and decide to marry her and she was in effect "wasting her time".

Needless to say in the end I just let her get on her way. It wasn't healthy for either of us.
>> No. 29543 Anonymous
5th March 2020
Thursday 10:31 pm
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So is she engaged, married? Is she happy? Tell the end of the story!
>> No. 29544 Anonymous
6th March 2020
Friday 12:52 am
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I don't get back home until Sunday, still taking some time off. Whatever happens I'll update.

I really appreciate all the responses so far. I haven't yet had the chance to talk to anyome about this.
>> No. 29545 Anonymous
6th March 2020
Friday 1:41 am
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I think he meant

>> No. 29546 Anonymous
6th March 2020
Friday 11:16 pm
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I mean, what is a wedding for her? Is she meticulously planning her 'special day' or literally just asking you to pop down the registry office?

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>> No. 29449 Anonymous
26th February 2020
Wednesday 9:23 pm
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Relationships. I'm in (and likely near the end of) my first serious one. When we met, I felt I was more attractive, and had the power. Over the past year things have gradually shifted. Now I feel like a worm. Happened to you?
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>> No. 29450 Anonymous
26th February 2020
Wednesday 9:32 pm
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A normal part of the healing process. Happens to most of us.
>> No. 29451 Anonymous
26th February 2020
Wednesday 10:22 pm
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>Over the past year things have gradually shifted. Now I feel like a worm.

Elaborate? Doesn't sound like a healthy dynamic to me.

What happened?
>> No. 29452 Anonymous
26th February 2020
Wednesday 11:30 pm
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>When we met, I felt I was more attractive, and had the power.

Oh so that's alright then. As long as the relationship dynamic was tilted in your favour everything was hunky-dory.
>> No. 29453 Anonymous
27th February 2020
Thursday 12:38 am
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Incredibly vague OP, but I'm gonna make a philosophical soliloquy based on what I think you're hinting at anyway.

In most relationships I believe you have a dominant and a submissive half, and as long as the individuals involved are both in the position that feels natural to them everything will go smoothly. It's not inherently better or worse for the man to be in charge or not, the important part is if that lines up with the individual's personality. When those roles start to slip out of alignment that's when friction occurs.

I don't think it's necessarily healthy to expect the individual in question to somehow adjust themselves; it can work but I think it's usually more likely to result in conflict and suppression of healthy self esteem. People change over time and usually a shift in this dynamic represents a drift apart, outgrowing that partnership, if you will. We are taught that couples should exist for love and love alone, but in truth a person's financial status, direction in life, their ambitions and long term trajectory are very important. We shouldn't be ashamed to admit it if we are no longer a perfect fit. Sometimes life can take us down converging paths.

(There's also neutral relationships that share power and responsibilities equally, but I think they are much less common, and most people who think they are in one probably aren't. This is very broad stroke stuff. It's also not impossible for the other partner to change or adapt so that the partnership is complimentary again later down the line. But again rare.)
>> No. 29454 Anonymous
27th February 2020
Thursday 7:03 am
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A lot of people don't say how they feel and over time end up in a state of appeasement. After the honeymoon period problems start happening and the trouble is that women often like to talk more than men. I had, and other males I know have, a tendency to just let the sadness build and go with the other person which leads to feeling terrible. Read 'No More Mr.Nice Guy".

You do have people that have been together for a while that cannot say the simplest of things to each other, or have a discussion about anything but the weather.

>> No. 29432 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 1:52 pm
29432 Please Help
Please help lads, I feel I've lost control of my life.

I'm in a bit of a strange rut where I'm not massively happy, I have trouble focusing on things and I'm getting unfairly envious of friends and colleagues.

I have a job that I really enjoy for the most part, but sadly due to the sector, pays very badly for what I actually do. I don't feel that I have the focus, confidence or capacity in my current state to begin applying myself to other pursuits and I wouldn't even begin to know where to look.

Outside of work I do very little. My partner is a full time student (post-grad and she's older than me) so on top of doing all of the household stuff whilst she focuses on work, it also means that our household income is quite low due to her not working. This is where I get a bit jealous of others who are off doing interesting things or buying houses (I have about £20,000 saved for a deposit but cant get a mortgage on my sole income) as both of them work. I realise that it is unfair for me to feel this way, but I can't help but feel this way.

I struggle to find much enjoyment in things so other than work, domestic bits and cooking, I tend to spend a lot of my time sat drinking and watching YouTube videos/listening to music and getting all nostalgic when my partner is in bed.

Whilst not a huge drinker (only beers, not spirits) I have noticed that I have become consistent. Even if it is only two or three cans a night sometimes, I haven't had a day free or alcohol in five weeks. It hit me the other day that it could be a concerning amount. At what point is too much?

The shittier part of me losing control is a few blips I have had with escorts. Now and again I work away, and since October I have used them four times. No idea why, I didn't really enjoy the experiences, and felt awful afterwards for doing something like this against my partner. I have no idea what has come over me.

Sometimes I'm okay, sometimes I get angry and punch myself for no reason, sometimes I want to end it.
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>> No. 29433 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 1:58 pm
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You've got depression mate. See your GP.

>> No. 29434 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 4:17 pm
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>The shittier part of me losing control is a few blips I have had with escorts. Now and again I work away, and since October I have used them four times. No idea why, I didn't really enjoy the experiences, and felt awful afterwards for doing something like this against my partner. I have no idea what has come over me.

I assume you feel understimulated, lie the people who electrocute themselves in an otherwise empty room, and this makes life interesting. Or you want to be seen as the bad guy either by yourself or by others. Or because it gives an out from your relationship that is easier to processes than you just aren't satisfied.
>> No. 29440 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 8:25 pm
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>Or because it gives an out from your relationship that is easier to processes than you just aren't satisfied.

How do you mean?

>> No. 29401 Anonymous
7th February 2020
Friday 3:47 am
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How comfortable do you feel opening up about your emotions?

I read something a little while back that has been playing on my mind ever since. In essence, it postulated that males generally aren't stunted emotionally as is often made out; women tend to be the 'gatekeepers' on the expression of feelings, in part because they tend to need a lot more emotional maintenence. The problem arises that men and women have different emotional needs, which means that male emotions can be largely alien to them and they can struggle to relate to it so they attribute little value to it. The end result is that men can feel very wary about exposing their true feelings and frailties around women, especially those they are romantically linked to.

The upshot of this is that men in long-term straight relationships are the ones who end up having to bottle up their emotions. They're likely to be spending less time with male friends (or even free time alone spent on hobbies) to simply let off steam and unwind; instead a lot of this time is dealing with the maintenance of dealing with their partner's emotional baggage, which I've seen dubbed as emotional labour, so tending to their own emotions constructively has to be packed away and put to one side. Sure, the woman might say that she wants her man to open up now and then but this often means in the narrow way that is acceptable to her, ideally so that it can be related to her own emotional needs and used to nourish them, whereby anything outside of this is at risk of being dismissed. Even worse, if you express the wrong emotions then she may start to think less of you and devalue your masculinity; you are expected to be her rock and for the family unit at all times.

I realise that this may come across as myopic, hopefully not like an MRA edgelord as I've feared as this isn't my intention whatsoever, but it has hit close to home ever since I read it. Perhaps that's just a reflection on the relationships I have been in more than anything else.
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>> No. 29410 Anonymous
7th February 2020
Friday 7:01 pm
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>I feel slightly snide mentioning it, but women experience about twice the rate of mental illness compared to men. If male ways of communicating and coping are so phlegmatic, why are we psychologically healthier overall than women? Why do we uncritically accept the idea that men should communicate more like women, while the inverse suggestion would be completely taboo?

The issue here is that the figure of women experiencing twice the rate of mental illness is hard to verify objectively. It's heavily influenced by differences in the self-reporting of symptoms between men and women, as well as societies pre-conceptions about mental illnesses in the genders (for example the 100-year-old prejudiced trope of diagnosing any women with the slightest nervous cough with hysteria still hasn't entirely gone away.)

If you look at the drastically higher suicide rates in men than in women, that's a good hint that diagnosed or self-reported rates of mental illness aren't the whole picture.
>> No. 29411 Anonymous
7th February 2020
Friday 7:17 pm
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>toxic masculinity

In my opinion the topic of so-called toxic masculinity shouldn't be anywhere near the discussion of male mental health. The phrase "man up" is gravely misunderstood, in my eyes; it isn't used to punish men for showing emotional fragility and is meant more as a prompt for action.

There's certainly aspects of lad culture in particular which are negative but I wouldn't say that it is significantly worse for male mental health than the way women actually treat male expressions of emotion, which itself differs from the way women have been conditioned to think they want to respond to male expressions of emotion. For example, I've had no issue with opening up about my feelings with my male mates, even if we'd never explicitly state that's what we're doing, but I've certainly been in relationships where I've had to be guarded about how I'm feeling or had to expend a fair amount of brain power contorting my emotions into a form that she'll be receptive to even if it doesn't accurately reflect what's going on in my mind, with the impression that my emotional needs are secondary to hers.
>> No. 29412 Anonymous
8th February 2020
Saturday 1:58 am
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>If you look at the drastically higher suicide rates in men than in women, that's a good hint that diagnosed or self-reported rates of mental illness aren't the whole picture.

Women are four times more likely to attempt suicide, but they're far less likely to die as a result. Make your own joke.

>> No. 29430 Anonymous
16th February 2020
Sunday 7:37 am
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I tried talking to my girlfriend last night about how I'm feeling like I have anhedonia and am just going through the motions with things, which could be a sign of depression. However, before I'd really got anywhere she immediately turned it around into "so what have I done wrong?" and made it all about her so I never had the chance to say anything of what I wanted to talk about.
>> No. 29431 Anonymous
17th February 2020
Monday 5:24 pm
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>I have anhedonia

I am of the opinion as someone who has had this, that if this isn't a result of some sort of drug withdrawl, you probably have lost sight of your own needs and wants somewhere along the way. you need a way of cutting loose, what that is for you personally I don't know, but you need to find your indulgence.

One of the things that surpised me, when I finally found the thing that I needed for me to be me and happy how profoundly unsupportive my now ex was of it.

I hate to go full MGTOW but I've found that the women I know do a lot of choosing about what they want in life, be it carears or partners (this part to an absurd degree now thanks to online dating), and men I know get by taking what they can get to survive, and just doing the things that makes their situation 'not worse'. I bring up the comparison only because men are broad brush stroke painted as having the power in society and honestly everything I've seen suggests the oppersite, they get by on what they can get.

>> No. 29418 Anonymous
13th February 2020
Thursday 1:00 am
29418 I'm bored.
The reason for my posting isn't as serious or as dramatic as many here, and I don't mean to seek anything but advice. Essentially I am bored with my life and I don't know what to do.

Ps the Toblerone logo has a bear in it.
In a couple of months I'll be 28. I work within the technology sector, on a graduate programme (I did a post grad slightly late). I earn a decent wage - 37k, made all the better by the cost of living here, and my career prospects are pretty decent, if I apply myself. I have a long term girlfriend of 6 years who earns less but is more settled in her career. I work a 9-5. My hobbies are, in a word, 'indoor', but despite this I'm reasonably healthy.

I've been doing this for a few years now, and after struggling post uni with all sorts of setbacks and tragedy, my very loving, very worrisome parents (or mum) are all very pleased and hopeful I continue as I do.

Notably, in the past 6 months I suffered the loss of a few family members. None of which were close to me, but for some reason this led me into what was a kind of, if not actual, existential crisis. I was on a heavy dose of everything and obsessed with death. I feared the non existence of it. I've worked my way out of that now, but one thing it's made me do is re assess my current life, it's made realise this is all very boring, and that perhaps I wasn't afraid of dying but of not living.

I don't care for the corporate ladder. I don't want to spend my life in an office, I don't care about earning more than I do. I want experiences, I want to learn, I want to contribute to something meaningful and rewarding. The problem is I just don't know what to do. Where to go? My Gf is very settled, she doesn't want to do anything crazy. She listens to me understandingly and can see sense in what I'm saying but at the end of the day all she wants to do is chill on the sofa. Big plans are for another time.

I love learning. I think that is my main stat, my strength. I'm good at learning, I have a broad knowledge but not a deep knowledge of anything. I'm technical. I like the idea of working remotely. But doing what?
I think what I'm going through is almost a universal thing people in more prigiledge societies go through, perhaps even particularly at my age. But I get the impression it's a worry that people either work out of, or eventually hide away.
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>> No. 29419 Anonymous
13th February 2020
Thursday 1:18 am
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>I think what I'm going through is almost a universal thing people in more prigiledge societies go through, perhaps even particularly at my age. But I get the impression it's a worry that people either work out of, or eventually hide away.

I think you've nailed it there honestly.

If you're realistic, what are the alternatives? You're always going to have to make money somehow, so unless you find a way to become completely financially independent you're never going to be able to escape that feeling that you're missing out on some other aspects of life by sacrificing your time to work, to the god of mamon.

I think this feeling is particularly acute for those of us who have grown up watching escapist TV shows and reading wonderful things about the outer world on the internet, seeing people's travelling photos on social media and the like. This is pure conjecture, but I suspect the existential angst was much less acute for the generations before us who largely grew up, settled, and died in their hometown; in essence because they would be less painfully aware what they were missing.

I was going to say to a lad in another thread but forgot about it- I think what truly gives people contentment in life is having something to work towards. Financially stable lad thought he was happy because he'd gotten himself a good job and started working out, but that's not really true- The thing that made him feel good was the feeling of progress. His savings account is almost directly analogous to watching an EXP bar slowly fill up, the "security" and "freedom" it offers really has little to do with it.

Throughout your life up until adulthood, settling in with your partner and ending up in that steady work week routine, you've always had a goal you're progressing to. Set yourself a new one.
>> No. 29420 Anonymous
13th February 2020
Thursday 5:12 am
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Try meditating in total silence for about 15 minutes a day on the fact that you don't really have any problems.
>> No. 29421 Anonymous
13th February 2020
Thursday 7:09 am
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>I want experiences, I want to learn, I want to contribute to something meaningful and rewarding. The problem is I just don't know what to do.

>I love learning. I think that is my main stat, my strength. I'm good at learning, I have a broad knowledge but not a deep knowledge of anything. I'm technical. I like the idea of working remotely. But doing what?

Just try something. It sounds daft and/or blindingly obvious, but figuring out what you want to do with your time is a process of trial and error. Get the course brochure for your local FE college, pick an evening class that sounds interesting and have a go. Whether you love it, hate it or just think it's kind of meh, you'll learn something about your interests and motivations that will help to guide you in a meaningful direction.
>> No. 29422 Anonymous
13th February 2020
Thursday 10:21 am
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Well start going on some holidays. Not beach crap, but places that might seem interesting or a bit different, just Easyjet destinations if you want to keep the cost down.
>> No. 29426 Anonymous
14th February 2020
Friday 3:07 am
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To elaborate from a still drunk but less bitchy perspective: the human mind has a tendency to grasp toward the future and chase flashy ephemera, ever seeking, ever grasping. It seems to me that a lot of people fall into the trap of perpetual grasping, when what they should really be doing is taking a step back and living in the eternity of the present moment (hippy-dippy language gradually making more sense the more you meditate). There's a nice Zen saying which goes something like this: "What, at this moment, is lacking?"

Try reading something from Eckhart Tolle or Michael Singer and see if their ideas make sense to you. I'm posting this while drunk so I'm far from a practicing preacher, but hopefully you can orient yourself toward a less superficial and materialistic direction.

Screenshot_2020-01-16 calcSD - Penis Size Percenti.png
>> No. 29299 Anonymous
16th January 2020
Thursday 9:44 pm
29299 https://calcsd.netlify.com/
Is this site accurate? I knew I was a bit longer than normal but I was a pencil dick.

If you're worried you're small you might not be.
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>> No. 29387 Anonymous
6th February 2020
Thursday 6:13 pm
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>Amongst the "normal vanilla folk" population generally they don't discuss or display their sex toys, you're not being judged for having them you're being judged for talking about them.

Except that's just not true. Vanilla, normal people talk about sex as much as anyone else; their values about it are simply different.

Not being into PVC and pony play is not the same thing as being an uptight prude.
>> No. 29388 Anonymous
6th February 2020
Thursday 6:24 pm
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>Vanilla, normal people talk about sex as much as anyone else; their values about it are simply different.

Normal people are just really crap at shagging. It's like someone who claims to like cooking but only knows one recipe. It's like someone who claims to like music but only owns two albums, both of which are compilations. They're not prudish, they're just boring.
>> No. 29404 Anonymous
7th February 2020
Friday 5:11 am
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Fleshlight is the trusted brand here.

Rubber fannies are good, but perhaps require a bit too much maintenance. I have no shame, but it's still a bit offputting to know you have to go to the sink to rinse the jizz out of it when you're done.
>> No. 29413 Anonymous
8th February 2020
Saturday 9:17 am
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I use mine in the bath or shower.
>> No. 29414 Anonymous
8th February 2020
Saturday 11:46 am
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I bought a couple from "your friend in Japan" and you do get what you pay for, it seems. The tenga egg things hold up surprisingly well but they're basically just the poshest of posh wanks but I'd avoid any of the novelty ones that promise more than "it's a pleasing hole".

It gets particularly annoying with toys that are closed on one end. You have to turn them inside out to clean properly and that just looks like a nasty prolapse.

>> No. 29373 Anonymous
6th February 2020
Thursday 12:44 am
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How do you fucking do it, lads? All I can see is the endless 5/2 cycle stretching out until I die (let's face it, if you're under 40 now there won't be a pension). It doesn't matter if I enjoy the job, it doesn't matter is I change job, it's just the concept of it being like this forever.

Sure, I get a few weeks a year off, but it's nothing compared to the amount of time I will spend at work.

I considered a Ph.D., but it will only delay the inevitable.

God, life is awful. Return me to the fucking void so I don't have to spend most of my waking life working so I can go on to spend most of my waking life working.
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>> No. 29398 Anonymous
7th February 2020
Friday 12:46 am
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But that's the point - we'd all like these things but they aren't realistic, so why not focus on things that are to make it a bit more manageable?

The point was 21k salary in the car at a bad point was a low, but those things helped and also led to preferable outcomes too, but you probably knew that.

There's always two types of responses to these threads: those that have some suggestions and those that just want to say how hopeless it is becuase of X,Y and Z which doesn't really provide any help.
>> No. 29399 Anonymous
7th February 2020
Friday 1:01 am
29399 OP
This is my first reply in the thread.

I don't mind my job at all - good conditions, alright pay (29k rising to 33k in a couple of years), and work I mostly enjoy, or can at least get stuck into enough to speed the 8 hours along. Still, it doesn't change the 5/2 fact.

On the frugality front, I've only just dug myself out of the debt that comes with moving in to somewhere properly for the first time, but am reliably putting away £300+ a month. Still, as has been mentioned before, at the wages I'm at now, I'll not be able to save anywhere near enough to fuck it off for any real length of time.

I also strongly disagree on the fronts of a) it being a "teenage" mindset, and b) that I should make peace with it; I think most people of all ages are dissatisfied with the system as it is (the national lottery is big for a reason), but are in too deep to change it. Kids, mortgage, etc mean you can't just fuck it off. Making space with it is accepting defeat, and I'm not ready to do that.

On the other hand, if the revolution comes tomorrow I'll just be doing a different 5/2, even the most utopian of fully automated gay space luxury communism will require a generation if not more of both the loss of individualism and hard fucking work.

There's no escape from it, and I can see why people take the one in seventeen million chance in the lottery because the appeal is so strong.

Realistically, I'll probably end up taking as much unpaid leave on top of my paid leave as I can per year, and seeing if I can work 9-hour shifts and take every other Friday off.

On the acid front: maybe. I don't think I would ever be in the right mindspace.
>> No. 29400 Anonymous
7th February 2020
Friday 1:30 am
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The dream is to get a job where you can work from home. Once you have one of them you can basically fuck off anywhere your passport will get you in and work from anywhere with an internet connection. I think that's about as close to freedom as any of us will find in this lifetime.

Most jobs of that type are probably freelance gigs; programming and writing, although journalism (which is currently dying in the clickbait gutter) used to be an option - maybe it still is some countries.

I can't name any other professions like this off the top of my head but there have to be a few, maybe try checking out some of those "digital nomad" websites and see if anyone who lives that "lifestyle" (Christ, I hate that word) works in an area that you can maybe shimmy yourself into.
>> No. 29403 Anonymous
7th February 2020
Friday 5:06 am
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I don't mind my job, in fact I enjoy it, and it's almost a hobby itself, but even when I had a more taxing one, my interests outside of work kept me from topping myself.

If you have something you're truly excited to go home and do, work seems trivial.
>> No. 29415 Anonymous
8th February 2020
Saturday 8:30 pm
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This is really depressing. I feel like I have no control over my life since last summer. I need to reset.

>> No. 29163 Anonymous
1st January 2020
Wednesday 8:49 pm
29163 How to thicken helmet skin?
I want to thicken the skin of my helmet to reduce the sensitivity of my benin. I've been circumcised which has helped to reduce sensitivity a bit but I want to reduce it more.

Would soaking it in surgical spirit every day help? Would it increase my chances of getting dick cancer or something?

What about rubbing it with sandpaper for a few minutes every day?
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>> No. 29347 Anonymous
28th January 2020
Tuesday 8:49 am
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>> No. 29348 Anonymous
28th January 2020
Tuesday 8:59 am
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Unless we address whatever underlying psychological problems are at play, here, I'd say this /emo/ thread is counterproductive.
>> No. 29349 Anonymous
28th January 2020
Tuesday 9:33 am
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>I could last for ages inside a real minge (if I ever get one).

What's the point now that you can't even feel it?
>> No. 29350 Anonymous
28th January 2020
Tuesday 9:51 am
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Don't be silly, of course I can feel it. It's just less sensitive now.
>> No. 29390 Anonymous
6th February 2020
Thursday 6:38 pm
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I've got bad news for you mate. Lasting for a long time in sex has fuck all to do with the physical sensation. You could have a cock made out of wood and she's still going to make a moaning whimper that'll have you spaffing yourself inside out like a 14 year old on his first time.

>> No. 29320 Anonymous
20th January 2020
Monday 3:39 am
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Just had a row with my mum like two days ago. Spoke to her about some shit from when I was at infants school. Being literally forced to play kiss-chase. Girls following me into the toilet out of "curiosity". This is stuff she knew about and told me I'd wish was still happening in 10 years, 25 years later and I've still never willingly taken my clothes off in front of anyone, I don't brush my teeth and I don't bathe because I learned to make myself as undesirable as possible. "This is why you'll never get a grandchild from me mum, etc" was a bit harsh but ffs.

The conversation turned to my dad beating me like an animal and stopping me from wearing glasses because "opticians is all liars". She didn't divorce him. Even back then she would have won in court if he actually got up and explained his actual beliefs about how glasses are a scam and he doesn't want his 6-year-old to wear them.

She goes quiet. Tries to change the subject. I don't let her. I explicitly tell her I forgive her for not being able to protect me but I can't stand it if she's still trying to rewrite history. She politely excuses herself and hangs up. I sit up drinking for two days and two nights.

In another two days I will get a vague "Are you feeling better today?" call/text. If I mention the previous conversation in any way she will disappear again for another few days. I'm sick of it.
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>> No. 29322 Anonymous
20th January 2020
Monday 6:49 am
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Mate, a lot of parents from our generation were incredibly unhealthy and clueless, your case seems exceptionally so. For your mother, it is probably coming across as re-traumatising. This is how they work; fall out, forget about it, try again a few days later and keep their head in the sand.

It doesn’t really matter how safe you make it for her (forgiveness, etc.) because she does not want to go there. It’s like trying to get someone that hates France to go to France— even if you promise fried breakfasts and brits as far as the eye can see, most won’t go.

I can’t imagine the weight of my mother’s guilt about what I endured, and I feel like even admitting that it was all her fault would destroy her. Uninspiring as it is, it’s been more fruitful for me to accept that she isn’t going to change and to stop forcing it.

I’m sure mine will never change and I’m not putting my affairs on hold waiting for her.
>> No. 29323 Anonymous
20th January 2020
Monday 7:29 am
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>It’s like trying to get someone that hates France to go to France— even if you promise fried breakfasts and brits as far as the eye can see, most won’t go.
>> No. 29324 Anonymous
20th January 2020
Monday 7:36 am
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I thought it was a good analogy.
>> No. 29325 Anonymous
20th January 2020
Monday 7:59 am
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It's a reasonable analogy to be coming up with at ten to seven in the morning I'll grant.
>> No. 29326 Anonymous
20th January 2020
Monday 12:13 pm
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I have seen some courtroom trials. Common criminals tend to be proud of their crimes, or to tell some bullcrap story. Child abusers and abusive parents, instead, deny their crimes with the utmost vehemence. When presented with solid proofs, they usually pretend to faint or to have an heart attack, only to be taken to the hospital and having their sentence read to them later. Later, they claim that they were set up and that the proofs did not exist or were falsified.

Memory is a survival tool, not just a recording. If some of your memories will imply that you are a total piece of shit that deserves to be flayed alive, you will delete those memories. On the contrary, painful memories of abuse will never be forgotten: imagine to eat some yellow and red round berry, and spending all the night with horrible stomach cramps. Forgetting about that berry is NOT conductive to survival. Remembering that kind of berries and the cramps IS conductive to survival, since you will never eat thoe berries again.

On a personal note, my mother was more or less like OP's mom. She spent several months vomiting and shitting black clumps before going to the doctors. They found a mandarin sized tumor in her bowels, and they spent a couple of years torturing her with useless therapies and cutting away pieces of her before she died. Maybe she wanted to die, maybe she felt that she deserved to suffer. I will never know. No one of her sons ever went to visit her.

>> No. 29296 Anonymous
16th January 2020
Thursday 8:22 pm
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Evening. It's been 6 months. She's always late. Arrange to meet at a tube station, she arrives 30 minutes late.
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>> No. 29297 Anonymous
16th January 2020
Thursday 8:27 pm
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Some people are just like that. It's an odd one because everyone is annoyed by it, but still sort of treat it as a quirk of personality rather than seeing it as both rude and incompetent, like it is. But these people never change.

We have one in our friend group, and basically we tell her we're meeting half an hour earlier than we are, because then she'll likely only hold us up by five or ten minutes rather than forty.
>> No. 29298 Anonymous
16th January 2020
Thursday 9:26 pm
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One time I snapped at my lass fairly loudly in Nando's. Her work was 2 mins walk away, and her shift started in 10 mins. The queue went all the way to the door.

I literally couldn't fathom how she could be so blase about signing up to be 20 minutes late to work, it genuinely fucked me off, even though the place was fairly relaxed but she was *always* late and I didn't even know the managers but I was just pissed off for some reason, she was fine with it.

Personally not fussed if someone is late, as long as they tell me. Left the house half hour after intended? No biggie, you let me know and I know I now have 30 mins spare to doss about or amuse myself. Keep me waiting? I turn into a fucking ogre. Don't like that about myself but it's just so fucking disrespectful that I can't keep a handle on it. Much better at calming down now but there's always the initial super stern text before getting over myself.

I've genuinely told her off before when she tells me she's meeting someone else and starts faffing about or letting herself get distracted. Straight up "This is incredibly disrespectful" and tangents thereof. Not sure if that helped or just made me look like a prick. Her friends seemed understanding of it, but hearing her say 'Well none of my friends are bothered by this' just led me to launch into "They're just too polite to say, you're literally wasting their time". But she's very free spirited and I'm essentially Stalin without the balls, so my reactions are definitely relatively extreme as well.

I'm still late for a lot of events, but at least managed to get it together for work when a friend of a friend gave me a job on the condition I was there 15 minutes early every shift for 3 months. That helped me a lot.

Anyway, have you talked about it? Does she keep you informed if she suspects she'll be late? What areas/with who does she display this behaviour with, and are there any areas where she's always on time/early/prompt?

My girlfriend has made huge leaps in improving communication, she's apologetic if she doesn't keep me informed (not in like, a terrified way, but just simply acknowledging it and saying sorry goes a huge way to making you feel valued).

Basically, if she can't be on time, and you value her enough for the other aspects of her personality to make up for it, then what she *can* do is keep you informed. That should really help your self worth and prevent resentment.
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