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>> No. 18262 Anonymous ## Mod ##
5th March 2014
Wednesday 8:27 pm
18262 Please check the old pages for similar threads Locked Stickied
before creating a new one.
Failure to do so may result in angry shouting.

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>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
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>> No. 28240 Anonymous
12th March 2019
Tuesday 2:11 pm
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>>28239

You'd be unwise to get absolutely wankered, but sensible drinking is fine.
>> No. 28241 Anonymous
12th March 2019
Tuesday 2:21 pm
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>>28239
Within reason, alcohol can cause your mood to shift. Restrict yourself to social gatherings and a couple of drinks or the odd pint down the pub. Don't endeavour to get drunk, tipsy is your glass ceiling.
>> No. 28242 Anonymous
12th March 2019
Tuesday 8:02 pm
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>>28239
> it's fine as long as I stay hydrated

Correct. The problem is, if you get properly drunk to the point of a hangover then you're already dehydrated as it is. Dehydration causes the level of lithium in the blood to spike dangerously which can cause a whole host of problems. Obviously if you're exercising (and you should be, it helps depression a lot) you need to keep well well hydrated there too.

Incidentally, what you want to be most worried about is anything serotonergic, particularly drugs like MDMA, LSD, psychodelic mushrooms, etc etc (and potentially anything in the cocaine or amphetamine family is probably a bad idea too) but also some over the counter medicines such as cough syrup containing dextromethorphan. If in doubt check with your doctor etc.
>> No. 28251 Anonymous
22nd March 2019
Friday 1:29 am
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I need to dump my bird, unfortunately she has some not inexpensive tickets to visit me as well as tickets for a gig at the start of April. This puts me in the unenviable position of either dumping her now and leaving her in the shit or plastering on another fake smile and attempting to get through the next couple of weeks before dumping her after she's gone home. Christ.
>> No. 28252 Anonymous
22nd March 2019
Friday 2:50 am
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>>28251

Tickets can be cancelled and refunded or you can offer to pay for them. You are basically grabbing for ways to avoid confrontation there will never be a perfect time for breaking up with someone.

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>> No. 28221 Anonymous
2nd March 2019
Saturday 10:37 pm
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I fucked it up in a couple of months. I was overly sensitive and revealed an ugly side to myself.

I really like her, but she requested space and I want to respect that.

J know it was a new relationship anyway but we connected in so many good ways. I feel like we could have built something lasting.

It's been a couple of days. I sent a message earlier just to ask if she'd be up to talking. No reply.

How do I stop myself feeling like shit about this? How do I prepare myself for the bad news she may not want to see me again? Should I just put it out of my mind? How?

I think I need to spend time with friends but everyone I get on with is away. Fucking shit.
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>> No. 28223 Anonymous
3rd March 2019
Sunday 9:15 am
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>>28221
I know it feels shit now but it was only a couple of months. It's not like she is the only girl you'll ever have. You'll get over it. Go out and have some rebound sex to feel better.
>> No. 28224 Anonymous
3rd March 2019
Sunday 9:41 am
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>How do I stop myself feeling like shit about this? How do I prepare myself for the bad news she may not want to see me again? Should I just put it out of my mind? How?

To be honest lad, regardless of what happens, you can always put a lot more effort into yourself. Times like this, when you're particularly worried about something external, are a sign that it's really time to do some self-care. Read a book, take a walk, go to the gym, etc. Your friends aren't here- that doesn't stop you going to the cinema or something.

A full schedule really helps and reduces rumination. Stepping back and seeing the bigger picture is always helpful.

>I fucked it up in a couple of months. I was overly sensitive and revealed an ugly side to myself.

I don't know the specifics but saying that you "fucked it up" says a lot about your approach to this, it could be that you need a bit more confidence and resolve. Additionally, texting her when she asked for space shows a little lack of awareness of boundaries, I'd refrain from that.
>> No. 28225 Anonymous
3rd March 2019
Sunday 9:43 am
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>>28222

Correct. It was only the one message after a couple of days, and I'm not inclined to harass people. If it gets too much... I don't know. Straight to the gym, I guess.

>>28223

I sort of feel like it's all in my head at the moment. Attraction usually is. I don't want to sound like a showoff but my social life has picked up a lot in the last few months.

She was just the first after a long, long, long dry spell. Hard not to get emotionally caught up in it.
>> No. 28226 Anonymous
3rd March 2019
Sunday 6:05 pm
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>>28224

Totally right. Luckily I live a very busy life and have a packed week ahead.

I just need to find a way to feel "likeable", you know? I shouldn't let it affect my self esteem so much, but when you get really intimate with someone and they decide that don't want you... Not going to lie, it hurts.
>> No. 28227 Anonymous
5th March 2019
Tuesday 12:01 pm
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>>28226
> I just need to find a way to feel "likeable", you know?
That doesn't really work as expected. You'd better not.
I'm knackered beyond recognition to elaborate on it right now, maybe someone else would.

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>> No. 28205 Anonymous
28th February 2019
Thursday 2:55 am
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I am very drunk, I hate how I only feel things whilst I am drunk. I know it's a problem. I love you .gs.
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>> No. 28220 Anonymous
2nd March 2019
Saturday 2:22 am
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We love you too bro.

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>> No. 28196 Anonymous
27th February 2019
Wednesday 6:29 am
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I don't enjoy sex or masturbation anymore.

I think this has been going on for almost four years now, since my missus was pregnant; I believe that's what triggered it rather than the underlying reason as I've had a vasectomy so I shouldn't have to worry about having more kids. I have suffered from performance anxiety in the past, being so focused on ensuring my sexual partner is enjoying it to enjoy it myself; I know I'm a worse shag since this started but I doubt it's related to this. I was sexually abused as a child but I highly doubt it's to do with this. However, I don't know what else it could be; porn?

I still get urges and I act on them, but it just feels very mechanical and like I'm flushing that out of my system.
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>> No. 28197 Anonymous
27th February 2019
Wednesday 6:33 am
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Sexual anhedonia can be a symptom of both depression and anti-depressant medication. How are you in yourself?

Purely for the sexual issues (especially given that you've been sexually abused in the past) you might want to give psychotherapy or counselling a go.
>> No. 28198 Anonymous
27th February 2019
Wednesday 6:42 am
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>>28197
>How are you in yourself?

There's probably more arguing at home than I'd like to admit, which I've chalked up to having small children so less sleep and very little downtime putting us on edge, but other than that I've no complaints.
>> No. 28199 Anonymous
27th February 2019
Wednesday 6:52 am
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Okay, I often fantasise about my missus and the kids all dying in a car crash or something so I can start all over again. Sometimes it's just her dying and me making do looking after the kids with the life insurance money.

That can't be healthy, but I feel like I'm trapped by having kids too young but there's nothing I can do about it other than make the best of it.
>> No. 28200 Anonymous
27th February 2019
Wednesday 5:38 pm
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You sound like you are suffering with a spot of depression. That almost always kills my sex drive, in the same mechanical way you describe- I still bash one out to sort out the morning glory but I feel like I'm dealing with a biological annoyance rather than indulging my desires. (Me and my last partner had great big arguments about it because she was an insensitive bitch who insisted it was because I was cheating on her and not depression.)

I think it's fairly common in younger men who feel they've been pushed into the whole family man role. Post-natal depression is well known in mothers but very little is said of fathers, who are simply expected to step up and get on with it.

It's okay to feel a small degree of resentment, but there are probably healthier ways to accept and make peace with the course your life has taken. I think if you get to the root of that you'll find your chap becoming much more eager again.
>> No. 28201 Anonymous
27th February 2019
Wednesday 7:48 pm
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>>28199
How old are the kids? My parents were of the opinion that we were all incredibly dull until we became teenagers.

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>> No. 27047 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 2:03 pm
27047 Where to meet birds
So, I've decided to try and not be that guy, a relationship-less virgin, into my mid-20s, which doesn't leave me with very long. I'm home from uni for the summer and have decided it's time to sort my act out.

The only problem - where to meet women?

I've completed tinder in a 15 mile radius, likewise for Bumble - zero (0) matches. I've messaged pretty much every girl on OKCupid with a match >75%; not one has replied.

What can I do now? The few local schoolfriends I am still in contact with are all male, everyone at my job is male, and all the women I talk to (from uni) are either in a relationship or otherwise not an option.

Going out to clubs doesn't work because a) I don't have anyone to go with, and b) when I try and do anything but stand at the bar drinking in a club (ie dance) I look like a tortoise trying to pilot a motorcycle.

Any ideas?
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>> No. 28054 Anonymous
6th February 2019
Wednesday 6:47 am
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>>28052
Try Bumble?
>> No. 28055 Anonymous
6th February 2019
Wednesday 11:15 am
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>>28053
>>28000
>My Tinder profile has:
>1. Me on a mountain (so they can identify me)
>2. Me in the pub with a couple of m8s
>3. Me with my parents' dog
>4. Me with some m8s on a night out

I went to three different society events last week (one of which I run), and went out twice.


>>28054
Pic related.
>> No. 28060 Anonymous
6th February 2019
Wednesday 4:19 pm
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>>28054

(Not OP) Bumble was an utter non starter for me, I literally didn't get a single match all the time I used it and ended up giving up on it. Tinder is a bit of disgrace, but the fact that you can wade in and have a go rather than wait for that one in a zillion woman who's going to message you first at least gives you some kind of competitive edge.
>> No. 28190 Anonymous
25th February 2019
Monday 1:18 am
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I went out 7 days in a row, so much so I had to turn stuff down this weekend because I was so exhausted - it's absolutely not a social life issue - it may have been a couple of years ago, but now I have too much on, if anything.

Going to get on the blower to the doctor to see if I can get a diagnosis; I guess the signs do point to me being on the spectrum, somewhere.
>> No. 28191 Anonymous
25th February 2019
Monday 1:22 am
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>>28190
Pic related.

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>> No. 28149 Anonymous
19th February 2019
Tuesday 10:45 pm
28149 Help from experienced people
Guys, what do you do if you're in a relationship where you feel like the main reason for being there is compassion rather than it actually being fulfilling? I love my girlfriend, but I also feel like I'm the only person in her life (I'm not really exaggerating). Sometimes I feel like for what we've been through together, good and bad, we have something great and special. But we don't have a great sex life to be honest (I could go in to this a lot), and generally feel 'out of sync' a lot of the time in a way that makes things difficult for us. I also feel like I can't talk about how I really feel about things with her, and that I 'act' a lot around her just to get by. She has also had a very complex life in many ways. I know this sounds very smug and patronising, but knowing how she gets by with life, I get a terrible feeling if I think about how her life would go without me, and this makes me want to stick with her even if I'm not happy with how things are between us. She is good in lots of ways and never tries to guilt me about what I've mentioned, and having read everything I've written the obvious answer seems to be to work on things, but I'd value a second opinion from someone impartial, often I get the feeling I'm compromising my life for this.
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>> No. 28161 Anonymous
22nd February 2019
Friday 3:37 am
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>>28149

It may not be all that useful, but as it's all I have, I'll share my own personal experience with you.

In a situation much like yours, I continued my relationship with my wife long after I knew that, for me, the relationship was over. I like to pretend it's somewhere in my top three regrets, but really I know that it's right up there at number one.

I didn't finish things with her because I didn't want to break her heart or, as pitiful as it sounds, to be the "bad guy" in the story. This because there was no real reason for ending things other than the horrible, inconvenient, fact that I'd met someone who I liked a lot more.

Four years later I finally pulled the plug and we've been living separately for about a year now. I've met someone new but it's not really even in the same ball park as that girl I knew all those years ago. We still email back and forth every now and then and joke "maybe when we're old and stable we'll finally get together" and to be honest it breaks my heart all over again.

"A time for everything, and everything in its own time."

Sage for nothing very much of value at all.
>> No. 28177 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 12:21 am
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>>28151
>It might be helpful to think about this in terms of where you'll both be in 5 or 10 years or so.

This is a pretty good metric for working out how you feel about someone deep down. Does the thought of staying in this situation in 5 years time fill you with a sense of dread? Or can you actually entertain the idea of things getting better and feeling satisfied? It sounds like even if the second is true, you probably won't get there without communicating these things to her at some point. You shouldn't feel beholden to someone's ability to take care of themselves, as others have said you need to draw a line somewhere between being a crutch for someone and being in a mutual partnership. What may or may not happen to her without you, or even what she does with her life with you, is largely her responsibility. It might help you to try and paint a picture in your mind of what would be a fulfilling relationship for you, and see if you can pin down some specifics for yourself compared with the situation right now that you can then take to her. But yeah, you're not going to get anywhere fast without actually talking to her, mate. Good luck.
>> No. 28184 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 12:50 pm
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>>28149

> I also feel like I can't talk about how I really feel about things with her, and that I 'act' a lot around her just to get by.


Unfortunately, this is a pretty straightforward and critical sign that the two of you aren't a good match and aren't meant for each other.

If this is a persistent thing, then the two of you are better off just breaking it off. You may think that it wouldn't be fair on her to just leave her to bumble about through life without you, but it also isn't fair on you to have to stick with her just because the thought of her being on her own worries you. You're supposed to be her boyfriend, not her social worker.

I'm also not sure that this is something that can really be worked out. You aren't just magically going to become soul mates just because you sit down and have a talk about all these things. You either are, or you aren't. And I've seen couples like you two stick together for many years, but in the end always coming back to the realisation that all this time, they were never able to talk to each other, which then made them feel like their relationship was a big waste of time looking back.

I had a relationship like that once, and right after we broke up, a friend actually asked me why I was sad to no longer be with somebody that I very obviously never had much to talk to about. I got angry at him at the time, but probably more because he had hit a nerve. And the revelation came a few months later when I met another lass, and we spent six hours nonstop, without interruption, just talking to each other in my car in a car park on our first date. And I remember going home that night just feeling dumbstruck that that kind of thing was possible. We didn't end up becoming an actual couple because despite our ability to keep a conversation going together for hours on end, we were just too different. But it was a revelation nonetheless, and it opened my eyes for the first time to the fact that if nobody else, your partner really should be the person you can talk to better than anybody else.
>> No. 28188 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 7:46 pm
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>>28149

I could have very well written this post myself nine months ago.

Other lads have given some insightful advice, and I'm probably going to be clouded in judgement because of how much it feels like it hits home, but what I can tell you is that I got out of there and I'm completely glad that I did.

With distance and separation, it became clear to me that my sense of duty, care, and compassion towards a girl I perceived as naive and helpless were utterly misguided. She may have seemed defenceless and innocent but in reality she was perfectly capable of looking after herself- Better so than me, in fact, and I have to seriously question whether she was purposely exploiting and emotionally blackmailing me. I'm not saying it's the case for you, lad, but it's very easy not to realise when you are being manipulated; and the people who do that kind of thing to you will make it very difficult to judge with clarity.

What really made it apparent for me, is how she spent a couple of hours crying and begging me not to leave her- But after that, it was like a switch had flipped. She dropped the act and I saw I side of her I never imagined, a vengeful and nasty woman who I can only assume never really cared for me as a person, but merely for the status of being a "successful adult" in a relationship and had a flat together etc etc. She had no friends to speak of while we were together, but she didn't have any problem making new ones the moment I broke up with her. It was a revelation.

The most important part of this is, as another lad has said, you don't feel like you can talk to her. I was the same. When I look back on it it was crazy, sometimes I felt genuinely afraid to show my true feelings in case it started an argument, and that's a big indicator something is wrong. The times I did talk to her, nothing changed. If you can't open up to a person, and if that person dismisses it when you do, it simply cannot last.

Obviously I am assuming a lot from an imageboard post but I feel like you could do with hearing this kind of perspective.
>> No. 28189 Anonymous
24th February 2019
Sunday 12:05 am
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>>28188

>you don't feel like you can talk to her. I was the same. When I look back on it it was crazy, sometimes I felt genuinely afraid to show my true feelings in case it started an argument, and that's a big indicator something is wrong.

That is definitely not good. And it is often something that didn't just happen because a relationship took a wrong turn somewhere, something that you can just go back to and undo, but it's been that way from the beginning. Because quite often, when you first meet somebody, you know instinctively that you need to play a certain role in order for that person to really find you attractive and go out with you. And a relationship then unfolds on the false premise that you are a kind of person that you really aren't.

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>> No. 28057 Anonymous
6th February 2019
Wednesday 12:57 pm
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Any other literal bumders here?

How do you cope with the crushing reality that your chances of meeting a fellow bumder for a long-term romantic relationship are so very, very slim?

I've tried gay bars and pardon my French but all the guys there are such fucking normies and I'm just not that interested in hookups. I'd love to meet a bloke who just wants to cuddle and play videogames and shit but the gay scene doesn't seem very set up for it. I can't stop ruminating on how inevitable it seems that I'll end up alone. I mean, it's not like you can just meet someone down the pub, it's bloody dangerous to assume random men you meet are gay.

Any advice appreciated, even from dirty breeders,
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>> No. 28141 Anonymous
13th February 2019
Wednesday 2:46 pm
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>>28139
Eager to please, generally worse at giving head. Tits are alright to have a play with. They'll let you be rough with them in ways that wont fly with anal. Feels about the same, though one lass was very... uh, loose, so she let me fuck her up the arse and she seemed to enjoy it.
>> No. 28142 Anonymous
13th February 2019
Wednesday 3:14 pm
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>>28141
>though one lass was very... uh, loose, so she let me fuck her up the arse and she seemed to enjoy it.

It's scientifically proven that women with huge fannies are more likely to prefer anal because it's the only way they'll really feel anything.
>> No. 28143 Anonymous
13th February 2019
Wednesday 3:46 pm
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>>28142

Explains how your mum puts up with you.
>> No. 28144 Anonymous
13th February 2019
Wednesday 11:45 pm
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>>28143

>Explains how your mum puts up with you.


POTM, lad.

POTM.
>> No. 28145 Anonymous
14th February 2019
Thursday 12:25 am
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>>28144

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>> No. 28011 Anonymous
28th January 2019
Monday 3:22 am
28011 Sexy time.
Haven't had sex in 3 months, I pulled today, came in literally 3 pumps. Wtf. I'm now afraid of sex.
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>> No. 28015 Anonymous
28th January 2019
Monday 7:27 pm
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More foreplay. Always more foreplay. Seriously, just a ridiculous amount of foreplay. If you shag like a lesbian, most women simply won't care if you happen to be a two-pump chump.
>> No. 28016 Anonymous
28th January 2019
Monday 7:57 pm
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>>28013
>Tell her you were just really turned on because she is so hot, she’ll take the conpliment.

Weirdly heard this before about other women actually seeing it as flattering. As long as you get it up again and get back to it there's probably no issue.
>> No. 28017 Anonymous
28th January 2019
Monday 9:46 pm
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>>28016

I wouldn't say it's that weird. If my missus came five seconds after I put my knob in her I'd feel pretty good about it, too.
>> No. 28203 Anonymous
27th February 2019
Wednesday 11:57 pm
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OP here. Got my mojo back, baby!
>> No. 28204 Anonymous
27th February 2019
Wednesday 11:59 pm
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>>28203
Pleased for you, lad.

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>> No. 27916 Anonymous
19th January 2019
Saturday 3:39 am
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So not a full on /emo/ one today but can't think of anywhere better. I'm a really socially strong and confident guy, I get on with pretty much everyone, UNLESS I have feelings for them in which case I come across as a stuttering sweaty mess.

How can I relax my self in such social situations?
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>> No. 27939 Anonymous
20th January 2019
Sunday 10:50 pm
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>>27938
Hey Purps, the vimeo feature seems to be broken. I was trying to link to this video:
https://vimeo.com/274932890

Using the [/vim] tags but something went wrong.
>> No. 27993 Anonymous
24th January 2019
Thursday 10:03 pm
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>>27935

One quite disturbing trend that my cousin's daughter has brought to my attention, who is 19, almost 20, is that a lot of times now apparently, young people when they see somebody at a bar or in a club will first check if they can find that person's profile on Tinder. Apparently, this is something they do before even making any kind of effort of going over to them and initiating an actual conversation. And she told me that if a lad has no Tinder profile, then that will be a big negative for her. Because how is she ever going to find out if he's worth talking to.

So I said to her, "Well, if you are taken with that guy, you could just go over to him and talk to him to find out, you know". And that appeared to completely throw her off her game, and she said something like, "What? No, I mean... what?".

Our species is doomed.
>> No. 27994 Anonymous
24th January 2019
Thursday 11:37 pm
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>>27993

What? How? Set their match distance to five metres then swipe through the room? That sounds unlikely.
>> No. 27995 Anonymous
25th January 2019
Friday 1:38 pm
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>>27994

What do I know. I don't use Tinder.
>> No. 27996 Anonymous
25th January 2019
Friday 4:25 pm
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>>27993
I've heard the same thing, only swap Tinder with Facebook.
Found it funny as well.

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>> No. 27760 Anonymous
20th November 2018
Tuesday 6:37 pm
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I had my first assessment with a therapist today, but I couldn't take anything she said seriously. It was like talking to a salesman, nodding at the right times, carefully framed responses.

I don't know why I bother, it's all so pointless. Long, lonely, miserable march to death.
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>> No. 27910 Anonymous
18th January 2019
Friday 8:41 pm
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CBT is shit. Read up on its history in Britain and you'll learn that it was basically just a product packaged and sold to the NHS who, years and years ago, were looking for cheaper alternatives to traditional psychotherapy, which cost a lot of money and usually took place over months or even years with questionable efficacy. CBT promised concrete results backed up by studies—and, most importantly, it promised them in a handful of sessions at a fraction of the cost. This is why the NHS are so aggressive about promoting it. However, although CBT is indeed an effective short-term solution for a lot of people, there is precious little research indicating that CBT has any overall long-term effect. CBT is probably less useful these days than it used to be when it arose in the late 70s/early 80s because a lot of its content has entered the mainstream and become common knowledge. The idea that thoughts, feelings, and behaviour were linked was borderline revolutionary for the average person back then, although we consider it obvious now.

CBT is actually just a heavily diluted plagiarism of a much more robust ancient Greek philosophy called Stoicism.
>> No. 27911 Anonymous
18th January 2019
Friday 8:53 pm
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>>27910
>CBT is actually just a heavily diluted plagiarism of a much more robust ancient Greek philosophy called Stoicism.

And why is this a problem?
>> No. 27913 Anonymous
18th January 2019
Friday 9:46 pm
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>>27911
It's not. That was meant to be encouraging towards checking out Stoicism.
>> No. 27914 Anonymous
18th January 2019
Friday 10:39 pm
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>>27910

>CBT is actually just a heavily diluted plagiarism of a much more robust ancient Greek philosophy called Stoicism.

To be slightly pedantic, it's really a systematised plagiarism of REBT. There are clear Stoic influences on REBT and CBT, but the Buddha was saying more or less the same things 200 years earlier.

CBT has the strongest evidence base of any psychotherapy and we know it offers substantial improvements to a large proportion of patients in the short-term. You're right to say that the long-term evidence is quite weak, but a treatment that works in the short-term is still very much worth having. The bigger issue IMO is that although there's reasonably strong evidence for CBT, we've never actually run clinical trials on the specific form of CBT delivered by IAPT services. The fact that CBT works when delivered by a clinical psychologist over 12 to 20 one-hour sessions doesn't tell us much about the benefits of six half-hour sessions with a Psychological Wellbeing Practitioner.

I've said this several times on .gs, but it bears repeating - the key to beating depression is to just keep trying. We have lots of effective treatments, but none of them work for everyone and we have no way of predicting which patient will respond to which treatment.

If you took SSRIs and they did nothing for you, try an SNRI or a tricyclic or mirtazapine. If you had psychotherapy and it didn't work out, consider whether the problem was just a mismatch between your needs and that particular therapist or that particular school of therapy. Getting some exercise or starting a new hobby aren't going to cure your depression, but they might offer a slight improvement in your mood that you can continue to build on. The principle of marginal gains comes into play - reducing your symptoms by 5% might seem insignificant if you're in the throes of a deep depression, but it becomes highly significant if you can find five or ten things that each give you a 5% improvement.
>> No. 27915 Anonymous
19th January 2019
Saturday 1:03 am
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>>27914
I'm not sure you could call modern CBT a plagiarism of REBT so much as a revision or reworking of it, but perhaps that's what you were getting at with "systematised". I'd say Buddhism and Stoicism are really quite different. There's some overlap, but they're distinct enough outlooks that it would be doing a disservice to anyone who might want to learn about them to equate them with one another. The Buddha specifically stated that awareness was his teaching. This is the key idea of Buddhism—not to attempt to reframe reality as something other than what it is, not to get lost in a process of monitoring and engaging thoughts, but simply to experience true objective reality for the sake of experiencing it. In contrast, REBT, CBT, and Stoicism are all frameworks through which your goal is to alter your subjective perception of reality.

I do agree that a short-term treatment is better to have than not to have. I think maybe the best use for it is to smash through the learned helplessness barrier, to open those people up to the possibility of change who were previously so browbeaten by their mental health problem that they thought change impossible. But timing is critical. I think it should jumpstart an ongoing treatment that doesn't just end immediately after the workshops or whatever. Unfortunately, this is hardly ever how it works in practice. What tends to happen with the NHS is that they'll refer you to CBT and then leave you to your own devices. You'll have a good month and then you're back to how you were. But you're even worse off, because the novelty effect of the CBT has been spent and your mental health problem has immunized itself and you'll never get the same result or opportunity from it again.

The trouble is that nobody cares. It's a box-ticking exercise. If you go mad and kill yourself (or anyone else), the NHS will just shrug and say "we gave them the treatment". And that's the whole point of it—not really to help people, but to give themselves justification to redirect blame for other people's health predicaments back to them, all the while saving precious money but not actually doing what they exist to do in the first place.

I agree with your last couple paragraphs, too. You should exhaust all avenues that are open to you—particularly if you're at the point where you're attempting suicide. What have you got to lose? Might as well go nuts. Try all the legit options as well as the batshit crazy ones. You can read some oddly specific stories about curing depression online. Stuff you'd never even think of, like tiny dietary changes that make no sense intuitively.

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>> No. 27869 Anonymous
27th December 2018
Thursday 6:53 pm
27869 I thought I'd dropped out
This is a thing, apparently. I don't have a phone, there's no bank where I live, I don't have money, I left the course, and I literally have no idea what I'm supposed to do now. I don't even live at the address listed on the email anymore. I'd been ignoring these emails as spam on the rare occasions I've actually checked my emails this year. This is the first time I've realised what they are. They came with the title "Business World" which if that doesn't sound like a company name thought up by someone for whom English is a second language what does?

Would it actually be a good idea to kill myself this time?

I thought I was turning a corner but I was actually in deeper shit than I've ever been before, only I never even knew it. There just isn't any point, I'm too inept for life on this Earth. I'm massively indebted for a year of education I never even attended.
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>> No. 27893 Anonymous
29th December 2018
Saturday 4:12 pm
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>>27892
>Think about what you can do now

This. It's largely down to your mindset. Instead of seeing only problems you need to start seeing solutions and not give up at first setback.
>> No. 27896 Anonymous
16th January 2019
Wednesday 3:07 pm
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I just tried emailing an address that was within their latest email but I was told it doesn't exist. I'm confused. I can't go to the local Citizens Advice because Mum's having an affair with the man who works there. I hate this shit.
>> No. 27897 Anonymous
16th January 2019
Wednesday 3:17 pm
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>>27896
You should probably just move to somewhere less stressful to live, like Scotland or something.
>> No. 27898 Anonymous
16th January 2019
Wednesday 3:56 pm
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>>27896
Go to the next nearest CAB, maybe?
>> No. 27899 Anonymous
16th January 2019
Wednesday 4:02 pm
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>>27898
Yeah, I know, I did once but they were too busy. I'm just being a bum.

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>> No. 27877 Anonymous
27th December 2018
Thursday 10:59 pm
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The dad of one of my exes committed suicide on an afternoon a month ago. He hung himself in his shed in the back garden. His body was spotted by a gardener who was working in an adjacent back garden and very suddenly noticed a person dangling in mid-air through the shed's back window. The gardener then jumped over fences and hedges like mad and cut my ex's dad down and tried to resuscitate him, but it was too late, maybe just by a few minutes. The ambulance apparently arrived just moments later but all they could do was pronounce him dead.

What a horrible thing to witness.

Anyway, what my ex and I had was eons ago. We were each other's first love though, and although we were never again on speaking terms due to an immensely hostile breakup, there were times when very old mutual friends thought there was a chance for us to at least be in the same room with each other without shouting angry things at the other person. That all never materialised. Mainly because people like to gossip, but also because some two or three percent of me may still have cared about her, my attempts to then get back in touch with her were met with rejection and her worry that I still secretly wanted to have her back.

Why am I writing all this? Well, like my dad who also killed himself, her dad suffered from lifelong clinical depression. My dad was in and out of treatment until he did manage to take his own life, just like her dad the last couple of years if I understood correctly what our old mutual friends (now much more distant and really just old acquaintances to me) told me about all the recent events. So effectively she is in a similar position now as I am, which is that just like ours, her family is reduced to two people due to incredibly tragic events.

I had made my peace with probably never meeting her again. We live almost 100 miles apart now and it was unhealthy anyway to try to get in touch with somebody who had made it quite clear she wasn't interested. She is married now too, so in any case, there still would have been that to consider. And my main feeling towards her was probably not the hope that we would get back together, but feeling sorry about the way we broke up back in the day, because it was nearly all my fault.

But now I very genuinely just feel sorry for her because I know the kind of horror from first-hand experience that your dad's suicide can inflict on your family.

What do I do? Am I enough of a decent human being if I just keep her in my thoughts and think of what she, and her mum, must be going through at the moment? I'm not religious, so that's the best I can do in that way. Or should I let her know in a more direct way that despite me not being at the funeral or having sent my condolences, I am really quite shaken up for her?
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>> No. 27880 Anonymous
27th December 2018
Thursday 11:57 pm
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She's got enough on her plate right now and at this point you barely know her much less have an exact idea of what she's going through. Unless your cock is a magic wand it's best to leave it at a thought of wishing her the best and getting back to your own business.
>> No. 27881 Anonymous
27th December 2018
Thursday 11:59 pm
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>>27878
A letter is inherently melodramatic in today's world and reeks of being from one of those people who makes a death all about themselves.
>> No. 27882 Anonymous
28th December 2018
Friday 12:15 am
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>>27880

My first reaction was indeed that I had no right to just barge into her life, out of nowhere for all intents and purposes, at a moment that was about mourning the tragic death of a very close family member. And not about all of a sudden an old boyfriend making himself noticed, who might entertain the misplaced idea that it was a decent thing to do to express my condolences in writing.

I understand that fully, and that's why I actually didn't send my condolences. But then again part of me is really shaken up about this, both because my own dad killed himself, so it kind of hit close to home, and because I actually really liked her dad back in the day.

This thread is probably going to amount to little more than mental shadow boxing without any real world consequences, but I value your perspectives on the issue, .gs. That's why I posted it.
>> No. 27884 Anonymous
28th December 2018
Friday 1:04 am
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It sounds like you want to contact her to comfort yourself in some way, be it to express something about your own father to her, to talk to her again, or simply to feel better about yourself for sending your condolences to her. This is not a good idea.

If you're 100% sure your condolences will actually console her, then go ahead. If you're just wanting to have a teary together with her about your sad lives, just so you can wallow for a bit with her, then please leave well alone. That's the impression I'm getting from the way you're writing.

The normal, baseline response would be to send a bereavement card to her (her family). If she has any interest in talking to you at that point, then she will.
>> No. 27886 Anonymous
28th December 2018
Friday 1:52 pm
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>>27884

I'm just kind of caught between the idea that it's a decent thing to do to express your condolences to the family of somebody you used to know on the one hand, and the realisation on the other hand that the door to my ex was shut years ago, and that this is possibly the least appropriate kind of time to reopen that door. If that would ever be a good idea in the first place.

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>> No. 27865 Anonymous
26th December 2018
Wednesday 10:32 am
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I keep having horribly vivid dreams about my ex of maybe five or six years ago now. They're mainly emotional reunions.
I do miss her terribly but can't imagine for a moment she'd be happy about me getting in touch. It wasn't the most pleasant break up, for a number of reasons that were entirely my fault. I'm not even sure how I could go about getting in touch as I've deleted all avenues of communication to prevent my drunk self pestering her. All the same I would like these dreams to stop. It's all very painful.
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>> No. 27866 Anonymous
26th December 2018
Wednesday 12:11 pm
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It's the last part of getting over someone. Stay strong and maybe find someone else to keep your lonely mind busy.
>> No. 27867 Anonymous
26th December 2018
Wednesday 12:34 pm
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>>27865
5 years is the outer limit of hormone induced infatuation affecting your decision making, as it wears off after between 3-5 years and it exists to stop men doing a runner after the baby is born. It's good to be aware of biological mechanisms when dealing with stuff like this, but I think you're probably clear of it's influence despite it sounding a lot like you aren't.

Instead, this seems like guilt becoming an obsession. You need to forgive yourself, regardless of whether she ever does or not, and move on.
>> No. 27868 Anonymous
26th December 2018
Wednesday 5:01 pm
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>>27867
I've thrown away anything that would remind me of her but my subconscious still has me quite literally kicking other women out of bed in my sleep. Being a pain in the arse obsessive stalker is the last thing I'd want to do, pushing my problems all over someone else who most likely moved on a long time ago. I don't think I know how to forgive myself.
>> No. 27885 Anonymous
28th December 2018
Friday 3:00 am
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>>27868
>I don't think I know how to forgive myself.

That, my friend, we cannot help you with. You need to speak to someone qualified to help you break this obsessive cycle of behaviour and to talk about why you feel you can't forgive yourself.

I will say though, forgiving yourself doesn't have a requirement or obligation for other people to respect your decision. It's personal, it's not about pleasing others or even about redemption. It's about being able to live with yourself and be inside your own head and it be a safe space rather than a hostile one.

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