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>> No. 18262 Anonymous ## Mod ##
5th March 2014
Wednesday 8:27 pm
18262 Please check the old pages for similar threads Locked Stickied
before creating a new one.
Failure to do so may result in angry shouting.
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>> No. 29363 Anonymous
2nd February 2020
Sunday 12:12 pm
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Go here if you want to talk to someone one-on-one: https://discord.gg/Nwn8b29

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>> No. 31764 Anonymous
5th July 2022
Tuesday 12:16 am
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One area I've always felt myself lacking is in dirty talk, I don't know whether I'm on outlier here but mostly my sex is pretty quite even if I don't receive any complaints. Mostly just some '...your my woman' kind of caveman talk in bed when in a relationship.

Do you have any tips on this to increase a ladies pleasure?
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>> No. 31765 Anonymous
6th July 2022
Wednesday 1:13 pm
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I think it's one of those things where you've either got it, or you don't, honestly. Some people like it, others aren't that bothered.

I think what stops a lot of people is that when you actually step back and look at it and think about the things you say in the heat of the moment, without the benefit of sexual arousal clouding your brain, it sounds cheesy, cringeworthy, embarrassing as fuck. You have to get past the shyness and just embrace talking about how big your cock is, and how deep in her cunt it is, and how tight she is, and what a naughty slut she is, and how you want to breed her, etc etc. Whatever it is that does it for you/her. Just embrace it. You only live once, and you only get to spend half of that time having a halfway decent sex life, before you're too old and grey to bother any more.

Some people just can't get over that, though, and to be honest they're the people I get along with the least sexually. You're already naked, exposed, both baring your body with your weird lumps and that one embarrassingly located birthmark and so on. If you can't loosen up and let go at that stage, then when can you? I almost see it as a sign of conceitedness.

Anyway it varies from person to person, but I think a good place to start is working out what words they like to have used. My ex was the first girl I'd met who preferred to have it called her "cunt", for instance. Then find out what concepts about sex really excite them. A partner I had once kept saying something along the lines of "You're proper gonna bucket me out!" which I thought sounded daft, but I realised after a bit that it was a turn on for her being gaped, stretched, or what have you, so I responded in kind by talking about how I was gonna leave her all loose and saggy and so on. She loved it.

You have to get to know the lass a bit and tailor it to their tastes, is what I'm saying. Some lasses don't need it, I'm shagging a lass at the moment who's much more physical than verbal or mental, plus doesn't speak the best English. So it would have diminishing returns. But still no harm putting in a few comments here and there. You might as well just give it a go.
>> No. 31766 Anonymous
6th July 2022
Wednesday 1:29 pm
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My first girlfriend told me she was "sopping wet" while we were fooling around and that totally put me out of the moment.

I've only dirty talked one sexual partner, and it was very half hearted on my part. I remember once she sent me a text saying something like "I'm shoving a dildo up my pussy and thinking about you. What do you think of that?" It was a weird question, but I treated the whole exchange like a social link on Persona, just saying what she wants to hear then I get good points because she likes me more.

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>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
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>> No. 31759 Anonymous
28th June 2022
Tuesday 6:49 pm
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>>31758
Can you go to the court and ask them in person? I am a big fan of interacting with people whose job it is to help me, and I've only ever wanted to violently dismember two of them with my bare hands. Also, check the paperwork you have signed so far; it's the bank's job to find these things out about you and if you get a CCJ after you've been approved, the bank obviously didn't care enough beforehand to stop you. People who are two or three years into paying off a mortgage probably get CCJs all the time, and the bank doesn't revoke their mortgages.
>> No. 31760 Anonymous
28th June 2022
Tuesday 7:14 pm
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>>31759

Nah, haven't been approved yet, the valuation survey is on Thursday, so while presumably they will have checked my credit file before they booked that, I'm assuming they'll still flat out reject it when they run a proper check.
>> No. 31761 Anonymous
29th June 2022
Wednesday 5:17 am
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Never pursued social recognition, never pursued relationships (platonic or romantic) with any real gusto, stopped falling for materialistic trappings long ago. Main goal was to avoid work but I realised it would take less effort to treat easy work as a kind of waking meditation than to work to avoid work. I'm content but it feels like everything around me is trying to force an artificial discontentedness upon me.

I was going to say that this is a weird kind of headspace to exist in, but the very act of recognising this particular thought stream has rendered any judgmental power it might've had inert.
>> No. 31762 Anonymous
1st July 2022
Friday 11:56 am
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>>31758

Addendum to this: It's from a parking ticket by the modern day highwaymen of ParkingEye.

It's bullshit for multiple reasons, not least of which the fact I appealed it at the time, because I was parked completely legally, and never heard back from them. But they have the legal power to just directly fuck you up the arse, for absolutely no reason, without you being able to do a thing about it. Frankly it's criminal. But I bet they've got a mate or two in the Tory party to see to it they're allowed to just extort people like this. I digress.

None of that makes a difference to the here and now. Apparently there's a process to go through to appeal and overturn judgements that have made without your knowledge, like this one, but the process itself could take weeks and if it fails (I don't fancy the chances knowing my piss poor luck) you're stuck with an unsatisfied CCJ which is even worse. So it looks like my best bet is sucking it up and paying it even though it's horseshit.

I can't fucking take it lads. I think this is going to end in murder suicide. Just find me a fucking board member of that company. I've had it with living in Terry Gilliam's fucking Brazil.
>> No. 31763 Anonymous
1st July 2022
Friday 1:14 pm
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>>31762
Sometimes I wonder if I might be depressed, based entirely on just how much motivation I have to learn computer hacking to bring down multiple massive corporations , and yet I never actually even try to learn or do it.

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>> No. 30805 Anonymous
8th June 2021
Tuesday 11:35 am
30805 Horrible Cunt; Needs to Die
I can't do anything, I can't make anything, my brain doesn't work, no one cares and I have no idea what to do about it or anything else. I can't even sit down and watch a film more than once a month, I can't even make fucking Letterboxd account to keep track of the films I don't bother watching. I haven't checked on my universal credit since December, meaning I can't even be bothered to be NEET properly. I am a non-entity. There is nothing to me beyond basic biological needs and occasional bouts of barely contained anger.

For example, I tried getting this thing called a "citizenship card" as a form of ID a few months ago via their website, and after taking my money the site told me I needed to speak to one of the many professionals I knew about having them sign something for me. Obviously I don't know anyone like that, so I just stopped. Keep the twenty quid, who cares? I don't. But that's not normal, is it? You're supposed to be at least a bit bothered when someone takes £20 from you and you get nothing in return? Not me though, I thought about it then and I'm thinking about it again now and it's just nothing, I couldn't give a monkeys.

Go to my GP then? Get some pills that don't do anything. You can't prescribe motivation. Begin some fruitless CBT counselling? I'd just lie to them for a few weeks and then stop attending.
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>> No. 30827 Anonymous
14th June 2021
Monday 1:25 am
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>>30826
Where do you live? Are there any museums near you that you could volunteer at? I bet there are places of some sort which would love an articulate guy who cares about history, especially if such a guy is willing to do it for free. Do you have a job at the moment?
>> No. 31754 Anonymous
23rd June 2022
Thursday 9:30 am
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Has anyone got any better ideas yet?
>> No. 31755 Anonymous
23rd June 2022
Thursday 9:56 am
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>>31754

I suspect that you'll have to think of one yourself because your mental state is just going to create reasons why you can't do anything that anyone else suggests.
>> No. 31756 Anonymous
23rd June 2022
Thursday 12:42 pm
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>>31755
You could just say no, you know.
>> No. 31757 Anonymous
25th June 2022
Saturday 6:03 pm
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>>31756

Take any advice with the knowledge that it might well do more harm than good:

I think you need to start with some self-compassion. In this thread you've been extremely self-critical, but it might be worth taking into consideration those circumstances beyond your control that led you to this point. A bit of a generic statement, but you've not said much about your background.

You mention you can't prescribe motivation, which is true, but I would also bet that you are one among many people (young men in particular) that have been given the modern expectation of extremely high independence and self-efficacy but very little in the way of encouragement, ideas, practical resources, or role models.

When I was in your position, I did seek out some help. Your cynicism isn't entirely unwarranted, (mental) health services are thin on the ground and there are many more people out there in need with lives just as fucked as yours but also with dependants and all sorts of other issues. That said, CBT or other counselling is accessible and can get you off the ground with some investment on your part. If you do try it, expect there to be a hit-and-miss process of finding someone decent and finding it in yourself to pursue it with good intentions.

There is also the process of finding things which make you actually want to live. I remember a time in my life when I felt so crushed and stifled and had such low self-esteem that basically the only activities I could stomach allowing myself to do were very basic and unequivocally "good". I exercised and read books, because those are about as close to beyond criticism as you can get, right? And most people can afford to join a library and go for a run or do pushups. Those were my very fundamental building blocks, my proof that I was least attempting self-improvement, showing I wasn't just a piece of shit, and no one could take them away from me.

This led to reading a lot of biographies. Reading about people's experiences made me curious about the world and also gave me some blueprints of what works in what circumstances, and slowly life became a new process of connecting the things I care about to things I could really do. I started to make plans to act on. Motivation and ambition crept up on me, and I had reasons to try to live life again. Take from this what you will.

>Obviously I don't know anyone like that, so I just stopped.
Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

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>> No. 31726 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 7:48 am
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I'm visiting family in the UK after 3.5 years. I moved abroad before the pandemic. I think I'm losing it a bit.

I'm barely able to sleep in my childhood bedroom, no matter how many little adjustments I make to temperature or noise. It's small. The house feels small. Everything feels small.

My family have some major problems (drug and alcohol abuse among some relatives) and everyone seems depressed. They seem a bit uninterested in what I've been doing all this time, maybe because they feel they wouldn't have a lot to add in a conversation about it. I listen to them a lot anyway because I am interested in their lives. I ask my dad questions about about plants and wildlife and drumkits, I talk to my mum about her friends and family, but there's a strange resistance if I start to talk about my interests.

I'm doing well for myself and it's awkward somehow. It's a sense that my family want me to do well, but also have very mixed feelings about it. My dad insisted on giving me cash for the flights despite knowing this. I've worked so hard over the last few years and am on good money, but it seemed important to him, so I took it without showing any hesitation, and I am grateful. At the same time, I don't feel like me, or my approaches, or my achievements are respected.

I love my parents dearly, but it's taking quite a lot of willpower to hold onto my sense of autonomy and happiness. I stupidly booked this so I have a couple of weeks here (I wanted to see friends and do a few other things) when really I should have been thinking about a long weekend at most.

Now I'm thinking about just making new plans, even visiting another city in the UK, at least this weekend. I could say I'm staying with friends or a similar excuse, but I find the idea of hurting my parents feelings (again?) heartbreaking.

How do I look out for my own needs, and minimise the hurt or embarrassment I cause them?
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>> No. 31727 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 9:21 am
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I mean what did you want? A big party where they go "Ahhh, welcome home, our favourite and most successful son! Come, come, sit and tell the family all about your adventures!"

Families are usually kind of arseholes honestly. Welcome to the club. I can relate because I had to move back in with mine a while back, and found it profoundly disappointing. I could be rubbing shoulders with Musk and Bezos, and my mum and dad would still treat me like I don't know how to tie my own shoelaces. I could be the Prime Minister and my mum would still come up to my room at 10 o'clock and tell me it's time to go to bed. Conversation with them is like squeezing blood from a stone, and throughout my life it's been a chip on my shoulder that they've shown zero interest in the achievements I'm proud of, like when my band went on our first tour, released our first CD etc etc.

I could speculate why this is for hours. Jealousy? Crustacean container mindset? Is it shame that they couldn't give you a better start in life, or that they don't measure up to you now? Is it disappointment, where even if you're doing well you haven't turned out quite how they hoped? It really doesn't matter and frankly you just shouldn't worry about it.

That's just how it is sometimes. People who have a really good family and good relationships with their family will never quite get it if you talk about your family like this. They'll always say "Oh come on, they're your family, they love you!" or some other trite shit like that, as though you're just making it up. I think ultimately, hanging around those kind of people is where you're likely to have got this expectation from. But I'm afraid you don't have one of those families, and nothing you do will likely change how they are or how they act towards you.

Soz lad. I'd recommend getting an AirBnB and going for a nice trip to the Lake District or something like that. If your family really care about you (and deep down they do, usually) they'll want you to go and enjoy yourself.
>> No. 31728 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 10:19 am
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>>31727
>I mean what did you want? A big party where they go "Ahhh, welcome home, our favourite and most successful son! Come, come, sit and tell the family all about your adventures!"

I think I just want a bit of reciprocation. I've listened intently to my dad's coffee making routine, had a tour of the refurbished bits of the house, looked at my mum's various shades of new nail colour, seen their beloved new e-bikes. They were excited about it all and I like to see them happy about these things. They might not be things I'm into, but I can share in their celebration of it and the pleasure it brings them.

In return I've had maybe had one question asking me about "what it's like over there" and a passing mention of an article I wrote.

Unfortunately we've now also reached the casual passive aggression and judgemental comments about my approach to health stage, so I have to admit, I no longer feel as much guilt about booking a place for myself elsewhere.
>> No. 31729 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 10:38 am
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>>31728

They miss you and resent the fact you left, they want you to say how horrible it is over there and how you miss home and want to come back. They feel like you abandoned them and that they aren't good enough for you.

It's a tale as old as time.

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>> No. 31703 Anonymous
9th May 2022
Monday 3:05 pm
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Is it possible a night of drugs (coke, weed, alcohol) has stopped my antidepressants from working?

Last Saturday I celebrated something a little too hard, and did something highly unusual for me and did a lot of drugs. Mostly alcohol, a bit of coke, some joints. None of these, bar alcohol once a month, are something I usually do. Had a great time, but ever since I've felt like my SSRI citalopram has stopped working? Or more accurately I feel depressed and de-motivated. I've gone up and down in mood, (the day after was truly dreadful), but overall I'm way down on what I was before, and I'm worried I've fucked it for myself, as I WAS feeling good for the weeks prior.

Obviously I've learnt my lesson, and won't be doing all that again, but I feel incredibly upset that after finding myself in a good place I've gone and done this.
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>> No. 31716 Anonymous
10th May 2022
Tuesday 4:23 pm
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>>31712

Dopamine is a slightly misunderstood neurotransmitter. It's often called the "reward chemical", but it has a more subtle and complex role than that. If something happens that's good but entirely expected, there's not much of a dopamine response; dopamine is primarily released when either seeking a reward or receiving an unexpected reward. Gambling addicts aren't addicted to winning, they're addicted to the possibility of winning. A fruit machine that paid out every time would be profitable, but it wouldn't be addictive.

Trawlermen have what is objectively one of the worst jobs in Britain and by far and away the most dangerous. Most of them are paid on a share basis, so sometimes they earn nothing for two weeks of getting lashed by the North Sea. They also have incredibly high levels of job satisfaction, probably because their job is highly dopaminergic. When they go out for a trip, they don't know if they'll come home with their pockets bulging or absolutely nothing. Every time they cast out their nets, they don't know if they're going to reel in thousands of pounds worth of fish or shred thousands of pounds worth of equipment on the seabed.

If you want more dopamine in your life but don't want to ruin it, seek out productive opportunities for uncertain rewards. Start a business, go busking, forage for wild mushrooms. Make your life less like that of a farmer and more like that of a hunter-gatherer.

With that said, dopamine is rewarding but not necessarily fulfilling. The hollow but compulsive feeling of scrolling through social media or endlessly swiping on Tinder is a pure dopamine loop. Dopamine will reinforce a behaviour, but that behaviour won't necessarily make you happy.
>> No. 31717 Anonymous
10th May 2022
Tuesday 4:39 pm
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>>31716

> Gambling addicts aren't addicted to winning, they're addicted to the possibility of winning.

I think this also goes for the stock market, which by some measure is just a very elaborate form of gambling. If a stock you own goes up, and maybe even by a few percent in one day, it can be kind of a dopamine rush, and in the back of your head you're already buying that game console or booking a holiday to Australia. But then a lot of the time, you fail to cash out while the stock is still climbing, and your book profits dwindle until you're back under water. You've played the game before, and at least at some level you'll know full well that it'll probably happen to you again despite all your best resolutions, but while you're on the way there, every new high of your stock investment feels fucking awesome.
>> No. 31721 Anonymous
11th May 2022
Wednesday 4:03 pm
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>>31717
This is distilled down to its essence with the dozens of crypto coins being made out there. It's not just a gamble, it's the dream that you can get rich by doing nothing just because you're clearly much smarter than everyone else and saw the potential where others didn't.
>> No. 31722 Anonymous
11th May 2022
Wednesday 5:24 pm
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>>31721

>it's the dream that you can get rich by doing nothing just because you're clearly much smarter than everyone else and saw the potential where others didn't.

There's a saying on /r/wallstreetbets that in a bull market, everyone is a fucking genius.

I started investing in stocks after the 2008 global crash, circa in the spring of 2009, when for about two years, it was almost impossible not to make shedloads of profits, both realised and on paper, just by buying all the dips. And I felt like an absolute Warren Buffett.

But at some point, I think everybody realises that turning a consistent profit in the stock market, apart from a few lucky wins because you're riding a colossal bull market, is absolutely hard work. There's a reason why investment firms moving trillions of dollars around the globe employ hundreds, if not thousands of market analysts and other investment professionals, and don't rely on a handful of hobby-horsing retail investors like you and me in their investment decisions.

Theoretically, if you near-constantly buy and sell at just the right time, you could make absolute oodles of money trading bitcoin and other cryptos, and technically speaking, you'd become a millionaire just by making a few mouse clicks a week. But as anybody with even a passing understanding of risk-reward profiles will tell you, highly volatile assets like cryptocurrencies have a massive inherent risk of loss, while the probability of large gains is very small. It's a bit like a lottery ticket. Yes, somebody will probably win two or three million that weekend, but most people play all their lives never winning more than a few quid.
>> No. 31723 Anonymous
11th May 2022
Wednesday 8:39 pm
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>>31722
>There's a saying on /r/wallstreetbets that in a bull market, everyone is a fucking genius.

Jesus Christ.

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>> No. 31692 Anonymous
6th May 2022
Friday 11:09 am
31692 Helping my dad with "types of" therapy
Somehow my sister has finally managed to bully our dad into getting therapy for the issues he has that marred our childhoods from beginning to end, drove our mum to the bottle and left us half-broken semi-humans with a plethora of our own issues.

To my astonishment, the old man is actually giving it a "serious" go, for the moment at least. He is having EMDR at the moment because apparently a lot of his issues are related to trauma from his own childhood and EMDR is good for that. He doesn't like it and is instinctively hostile to anything that seems like it doesn't have a clear and direct relation to his issues.

He has told me that what he believes he actually needs is "whatever the type of therapy that bloke in The Sopranos has. Proper therapy therapy." I have been tasked with finding out what this type of therapy is called (is it just 'psychoanalysis'?) and arranging it for him.

How do I do this? Pretend money is no object but I understand absolutely nothing about anything. I'm basically Tony's fat idiot son who just wanted to play his PS2.
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>> No. 31696 Anonymous
6th May 2022
Friday 2:25 pm
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>>31694
No idea if this is what Soprano had but this sounds like exactly the kind of thing my dad would go for based upon the description. I will try and sell him on it and see what happens. Cheers.
>> No. 31697 Anonymous
6th May 2022
Friday 3:37 pm
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I wish I had the stones to tell the NHS I want "whatever type of therapy Tony Soprano" has.
>> No. 31698 Anonymous
6th May 2022
Friday 5:09 pm
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I mean, the thing is, I don't think whatever type of therapy Tony Soprano has is actually very good in real life.

Yanks are obsessed with therapy, which is fitting because they're an entire country of neurotic bastards, and their society is so atomised what better solution than to outsource the conversations you should be able to have with your spouse or close friends to someone you pay by the hour. But I have my hunches that the reason they have this kind of therapy goes hand in hand with their very lucrative medical system. You don't need to actually have any mental health issues to go to a therapist, and if you do, you're very unlikely to be cured by seeing them. It's as much of a fashion statement as a medical treatment, for a certain segment of Yank society, like doing yoga or going to the gym.

What I'm saying is that the type of therapy your dad has in mind from The Sopranos isn't "real proper therapy". I'm sue he and you both know that it's a fictional, idealised version anyway, but even so, I doubt the real life equivalent will be quite what he hopes for either.

Anyway, there are other approaches beyond CBT, but do try keep in mind CBT is used because it has been proven to be effective. It's just a deeply personal thing though, and finding a practitioner who you actually click with and feel like you can trust helps a lot. Some of them are more "proactive" than others, they prompt you more, give you more to think about rather than just letting you talk and nodding. But it's trial and error getting to them.
>> No. 31699 Anonymous
6th May 2022
Friday 6:00 pm
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The evidence shows that the style of therapy doesn't have a significant impact on the outcome. What matters is what's called the "therapeutic alliance" - the degree to which the patient trusts their therapist and they agree on the goals of therapy. There strong diminishing returns, with most of the benefit coming after 12 to 18 sessions of therapy. Those benefits fade over time, but most of the benefit can be restored with a short "top-up" course of two or three sessions.

If I were looking for a therapist for someone, I'd start by talking to them about what they want to achieve through therapy and what expectations or preconceptions they might have. A therapist isn't going to "fix" you, they're just going to give you some tools that you can use to change yourself. Patients who go into the process with positive but realistic expectations tend to do best.

Next, I'd ring around a few different therapists to just get a sense of them as a person. Any good therapist should be happy to chat for a few minutes about their approach to therapy and how they work with patients. You're looking for someone that you think your old man will get on with, but someone who won't take any nonsense. Think of the kind of mate who has always got your back, but isn't afraid to pull you up when you're acting like a twat.

Going purely on first impressions, I think that your dad would benefit most from some no-nonsense CBT. Cognitive Behavoural Therapy done properly doesn't muck about with old traumas or trying to get to the bottom of your issues (whatever that means), it's about figuring out what you're feeling, figuring out how those feelings affect your behaviour and giving you practical tools to change. It's very goal-oriented and tends to work very well for people who are motivated to change but don't really know how. If your dad is the sort of bloke who doesn't have much of an emotional vocabulary and doesn't realise when he's acting in a self-destructive way, he's likely to find a lot of useful stuff in CBT.

As I said, the most important thing in therapy is trust and understanding. If you can get across to your dad that you need to shop around to find someone on the right wavelength, you're halfway there.
>> No. 31700 Anonymous
6th May 2022
Friday 9:43 pm
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>>31695
Exactly why you think, trypophobia.

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>> No. 31601 Anonymous
6th February 2022
Sunday 6:00 pm
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I thought rather than keeping derailing the mid week thread I would go with my own.

I don’t really know where to begin, so I’ll start with what I posted the other day. My current relationship is pretty great, except I feel my girlfriend is pretty indifferent about sex. She enjoys it, she says, and I make sure she gets off. That said, I think she just isn’t sexual like I am. Sex can feel very mechanic and follows a very similar structure a lot of the time, she’s not the kind of girl that would just grab my parts casually, or engage in sexy talk in the build up.

I’ve talked to her about this in the past and she has gone nuclear every time. I first tried over some dinner one day by saying I felt a bit frustrated and like we weren’t quite connected sexually and she cried, stormed out and said we were breaking up which was bizarre. I’ve brought it up maybe two or three more times and the reactions have been similar, with her saying she just won’t initiate but she’s definitely sexual. A few weeks ago a little drunk at the place we live she basically was a bit sexy for what felt like possibly the first time ever, being seductive whilst dressed up nice, dancing and grinding. When I made a move she rejected me and said it ‘didn’t have to be about sex’. I said she obviously doesn’t have to have sex with me but a night of drinking, grinding on me, exposing bits of herself and other stuff did make me feel I was being given some signals. I explained I just find it strange she wouldn’t perceive the possibility I might get an idea about where the night was going. She called me, drunkenly, some hurtful things and said she just isn’t going to initiate and she has a good job so I should be grateful and if I don’t like her not discussing these things I should leave.

This felt to me a bit like weapons grade cringe even if a bit drunk. I find her successful career appealing but I couldn’t give a fuck whether she worked in my local shop or was a Facebook exec as long as I loved her and she was right for me. I couldn’t get the comments out of my head and that’s when I had a conversation a little while ago telling her I think I’m unhappy and I’m thinking about leaving and she cried. I sometimes don’t feel this at all, sometimes quite noticeably. She said it was because of a million reasons and none of which made sense before saying I see her as an English rose but she is actually a sexual person, I just need to ask for what I want. The problem is I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve never had to explain to a girlfriend before what is sexy and what is not, or that I would like oral, or how to give me a handjob. They just got these things and we discussed preferences, but broadly had an idea of what was going on once we got going.

Rewinding a bit -just before we got together a few years ago I had been unceremoniously dumped by somebody who I had no business being upset about. Even more bizarrely I decided to peruse a breakup subreddit so I felt less alone about it to indulge in common experiences and I met a girl randomly through a chat on reddit because she posted a very emotional message that nobody read and I wanted to reach out to her because I felt so sorry for her that nobody read her message. I made an account to wish her well and tell her things would get better. We progressed to talking on Reddit and I ended up being linked to this Instagram page of this girl. I assumed it was a catfish because this girl, who lived some way across the world away, was stunning. This progressed to messaging, calls, video calls and contrary to the risk averse over thinker that is me, I said fuck it, and agreed to meet her somewhere in Europe for a holiday. I told nobody about this because I felt a bit strange that I was meeting somebody I’d only ever met online and started to develop some sort of feelings.

I arrived in an AirBnB in a beautiful European city, waiting for her to arrive from her part of the world the day after. I remember getting to the airport and staring at the arrivals gate filled with dread, scared I’d fallen for some bizarre prank or was about to see somebody that was not this beautiful, charming woman walk out. She messaged me and said ‘got my bag, coming through now’ and then I saw this beautiful girl walk out and I felt like I was living. I could have been Brad Pitt riding a motorbike up a misty mountain at 5am or Thomas Edward Lawrence riding through the desert with a legion of followers behind me. We exchanged a few mumbled words and a quick peck before we headed into the lift where she snogged the face off me, before we got back to where we planned to stay and had lots of enjoyable sex. The rest of the week followed like some sort of cosy dream. Nice meals out, sex, no cares in the world, ice creams on steps of famous monuments as the sun went down, drinking, art museums, trips to the beach. I’d never met somebody who felt like the female me personality wise.

Upon getting back to the UK I kept up contact every single day but weirdly kept it a secret from most people because of some sort of fear of being seen as weird for having somebody so far away from me in the world. A mistake, I now know. She was, to put succinctly, overwhelmingly loving and I could do no wrong. She did come to the UK for about a month, and we had a wonderful time, although some immaturity on my end and stresses of my career meant I didn’t book all the time off I should have and didn’t do the time justice. She parted from the airport and the last I saw her in person was crying as she checked in and I left. We did what we had done for some short years though, message daily, video call, play games together, whatever we could do to bond many miles apart.

I fucked up from this point, I think. My current gf entered the scene, it was convenient because she lived literally around the corner, I didn’t
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>> No. 31602 Anonymous
6th February 2022
Sunday 6:19 pm
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It sounds like you're going to regret it if you don't.
The term "chasing the dragon" springs to mind though. There's always the legendary "one who got away".
>> No. 31603 Anonymous
6th February 2022
Sunday 6:31 pm
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Goodness me lad, what a yarn. But there are some eerie similarities between your life and mine. I've had a long distance fling with a dream girl who seemed far too good to be true, I've thrown away a girl who loved me to bits because I got restless and I thought the grass looked greener. Some of the bits are in a different order or the other way around but if nothingness, rest assured, I've been where you are and I know how you feel.

You don't have to take my advice, but were I in your shoes right now I'd definitely get rid of the frigid girl you're with now. You know, deep down, that it's just not right, and her reactions when you've tried to bring it up are a big red flag to be honest. Communication and openness is vital in a healthy sexual relationship and she just doesn't sound capable of it. Sure it can be a very sensitive issue but you don't get anywhere with it if you just have a tantrum every time it's brought up.

I said as much in the last thread, but I've just come out of a similar relationship myself. I tried and tried to be as patient and understanding as I could, but ultimately, after three years of it, I had to come to terms with the fact the reason she wasn't putting in more effort for me is that she didn't want to. Whatever she saw in me, whatever part of me she loved and mattered to her, it simply wasn't the kind of love that made her want to nosh on my knob. If I was to stay with her I'd have to come to terms with the fact I would always have to be the one taking the initiative, and getting a response out of her in kind was always going to be like squeezing blood from a stone.

It's like that Meatloaf song. For her, "that" meant "any kind of selfless display of intimacy or affection"; and the fault lies as much on my shoulders for not accepting that about her, as it does on hers for being so sexually one sided in the first place.

Secondly I'd give it a go reconnecting with Too Good To Be True girl. Obviously there's every chance she'll tell you exactly where to shove it, and she'd probably be right to do so, but you never get anything without asking do you?

For me this actually happened the other way around, I'll spare you most of the details but due to some other unfortunate events involving a mutual friend, she popped back up in my Messenger inbox after nearly 6-7 years, and the chemistry hadn't gone anywhere. I'm going to be seeing her next week, and I'd be lying if I didn't say having her come back into the picture wasn't part of the wake up call that prompted me to end the last relationship. The unfortunate part is theres no realistic prospect of us making it into a long term thing; but what the hell. You only live once. I'd be a fool not to take the chance while it's there.

I'm telling you all this because my broader point is that what I realised was something very simple, that deep down I already knew, as you probably do to. But it was just a matter of coming to terms with it. You know you aren't happy, you know what the right thing to do is, the only thing that's stopping you is that where you are now is safe. It's dependable. You have your finances in order, a cozy place to live, you have your routine, and you don't want it disrupted. I'd wager you're the kind of person who likes to carefully plan your moves and not make rash decisions, so you are instinctually averse to something as major as a break up.

In the end though, and again, you don't have to take my advice- In the end I think you know that's what you need to do.
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>> No. 31679 Anonymous
25th April 2022
Monday 1:00 am
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>>31601

Sounds to me like your current girlfriend is quite toxic, and should probably be chucked if she continues.

The long-distance girl might be a foregone conclusion, but there's no harm in throwing her a message and seeing how she responds. The worst that can happen is that she tells you to get lost, and you're exactly where you are now. But you would have more clarity about your situation and wouldn't be playing what-if in your head for years to come.

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>> No. 30730 Anonymous
4th May 2021
Tuesday 3:09 pm
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I think i just accused someone of inapropriate behaviour around children.

A public swimming pool with glass walls around, one directly on a footpath.
The person was stood against the window with a young dog, peering into the pool of children across the far end.
As i aproached, it seemed to me a lifeguard was also coming 'round to investigate from inside - no eye contact was made. What other reason would staff have to come all the way to the opposite end of the pool where no users were present?
As i passed i asked loudly "Do you have a family in there?", to which the person said yes and mumbled something as i walked off.

It's generally known that this location is inapropriate to stop at, especially so if your face is pressed to the glass like this persons was.

All i can think is to talk with the receptionist/manager and offer to pay for blinds to be put in the relevant windows.
I'm trying to convice myself it was right to 'confront' this person yet i feel bad for doing so.
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>> No. 31617 Anonymous
17th February 2022
Thursday 10:53 pm
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>>31616
>>/emo/30452
>> No. 31618 Anonymous
17th February 2022
Thursday 10:57 pm
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>>31616
>Essentially I tried to convince him from the room where he was disiplining his child, thinking that the method was sustaining the problem rather than solving it.

You undermined his parenting in front of his son? Even if you were in the right that was never going to go down well.
>> No. 31670 Anonymous
24th April 2022
Sunday 12:28 am
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>>30730

You confronted somebody being a creep at the pool and you're concerned that *you* are you problem? Chill out OP.

>>30737

Where did they go? There's nowhere left.

>>31616

Sounds like you have a good soul but your brother has issues that are too big for you to handle yourself.
>> No. 31671 Anonymous
24th April 2022
Sunday 10:09 pm
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>>31670
>you're concerned that *you* are you problem?
Well, yeah. It's abnormal behaviour to confront this sort of thing, and the fact that I appear inclined to see child abuse 'everywhere' could show it's an issue in my perception, not reality (but I don't want to convince myself that because the risk feels too great). Do you see what I mean? Not to mention the inversion of all this stuff going on in my mind.

I have a complex; for one reason or another It was charged considerably when I made this thread.
>> No. 31678 Anonymous
25th April 2022
Monday 12:39 am
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>>31671

Just because it's abnormal doesn't mean it's wrong per se, so long as you handled it tactfully. From the situation you describe it does seem like he was being a bit of a creep and warranted a bit of "what you doing mate?"

>the fact that I appear inclined to see child abuse 'everywhere' could show it's an issue in my perception, not reality

Yes I think you're right. Absolutely everything we observe is passed through the lens of our perception. Many of us have neuroses that cause us to have funky behaviour in certain situations. Talking this through with a mate or therapist or whatever can be very helpful... I find that I can convince myself of all sorts of bullshit when I don't have the opportunity to talk about it with another human being.

If you're feeling a bit cringy after the fact then in future you could have a quick word with a member of staff, then they can decide what that person's conduct amounts to.

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>> No. 31531 Anonymous
29th January 2022
Saturday 8:46 am
31531 another therapist
Yesterday I dropped another therapist. My experiences so far:

Somebody who tried to sell some karma chakra bullshit.

Somebody who tried to sell me EFT tapping (complete crock of shit)

A Christian one. 'nuff said.

Last but not least, somebody that believed in the "law of attraction" and advised me to think about good things to magically attract them.

Am I doing something wrong? Is there any way to get a non-bullshit therapist? Do they even exist? Is there any way to speak with a therapist that does not believe in magical bullshit?

Maybe I should just speak with a priest or a mullah. At least, their bullshit is forthright, not hidden.
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>> No. 31558 Anonymous
29th January 2022
Saturday 8:37 pm
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>>31547

Yes, that was me (with a different IP since I live somewhere else). I am amused, I never thought that somebody would remember my threads.

>>31549
This is for you. Try to have the lyrics translated:
&ab_channel=commandoevil



To all the others, thanks but the problem is still there: where can I find a therapist that is not full of bullshit? I am quite sure that it is a professional requirement.
>> No. 31559 Anonymous
29th January 2022
Saturday 8:46 pm
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>>31558

Yeah so I read through those lyrics, hardly Wordsworth. I never understood the whole gothic dress thing, I can shrug it off as a phase when It's a teenager, but fully own adults, looks a bit embarrassing.
>> No. 31561 Anonymous ## Mod ##
29th January 2022
Saturday 9:07 pm
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>>31559

I don't know if you're planning to respond to it but in light of the post above I'm going to politely ask that you drop the subject and perhaps avoid this thread entirely.
>> No. 31563 Anonymous
29th January 2022
Saturday 9:10 pm
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>>31561

Yeah I saw this a bit late, I'll leave the thread alone.
>> No. 31565 Anonymous
29th January 2022
Saturday 10:02 pm
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Alright my man I found the website - https://stopso.org.uk/

I recognise you said the problem isn't sexual but, for reasons I hope you can appriciate, I urge you to at least email this organisation about the difficulty in finding a reasonable therapist as well as your current and past issues. The worst they could say is "Sorry, we don't deal with that" - but I suspect they will, and I sincerely believe addressing your past and how it effects you currently can improve your wellbeing.

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>> No. 31490 Anonymous
21st January 2022
Friday 10:27 pm
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How do I square the circle that I've always believed you should live life passionately rather than in a state of sleepwalking but that with age you just stop caring at work. I'm lucky enough to have an incredibly interesting career but I've still reached the point of going through the motions.

I don't really want to throw things away or play silly buggers in my 30s but I'm tired and it's hard to care. Everyone is a fucking idiot and it all gets pointless when nothing actually gets done.
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>> No. 31513 Anonymous
23rd January 2022
Sunday 3:51 am
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>>31509

>In short: there was a long thread speculating about my personal life and history, including someone digging up ancient details about partners and, frankly, getting close to doxxing me. That's so far over the line that I don't really have words for it

Ooooh what has he got to hide eh? Dirty little bugger, I bet he's got an underage ex or there's photos of him somewhere doing puppy play at a kink night in his uni days.

I don't get this though, it's implicitly part of what you're getting yourself into if you become an Internet Person.
>> No. 31514 Anonymous
23rd January 2022
Sunday 7:24 am
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>Everyone is a fucking idiot and it all gets pointless when nothing actually gets done.

Rent seeking is rife in companies and the solution to ignore it is crazy. Whatever I make at work (and at whatever quality) the company is too incompetent to use it. I've been advised to get a different job, but most offices are like this: people in their comfort zones justifying their job.

I can't care about work less because 35 more years of this, and forced apathy for the sake of short term comfort, will destroy me. This problem is rare in places where things getting done matters. My solution is to move myself to something to a place where getting things done matters, which for me is probably likely self-employment.
>> No. 31515 Anonymous
23rd January 2022
Sunday 12:38 pm
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>>31513
I know Tom irl and I'm fairly sure there's nothing going on, I've actually complained about him before on here for being a sodding wet blanket. He's paranoid about his address and to be honest I see it that he's just not the sort of lad who can handle conflict with someone face to face.

Despite this he wears the same outfit irl as in all his videos.
>> No. 31516 Anonymous
23rd January 2022
Sunday 12:44 pm
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>>31509
>I don't think he'd ever be going this deep into the internet
It's been a long time since we were any edgier than many parts of reddit.
>> No. 31517 Anonymous
23rd January 2022
Sunday 1:03 pm
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It'll be someone involved in Digitiser. Guarantee it.

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>> No. 31475 Anonymous
18th January 2022
Tuesday 11:14 pm
31475 Healthiest way to smoke weed?
This is a bit meandering. I'm not sure what the actual problem is, because the solutions are obvious. I think I just want to vent and look for people who may have similar experiences or proclivities.

I know the easy answer is weed vape, but it's too easy and I'll just end up stoned all the time again. I want to control my weed use like I've managed to with my alcohol. 11 years ago I was on a 70CL of Whyte & Mackay a night, 5 years ago I'd have to finish every drink in the house before I could call it a night. A couple of years ago I guess I got control of it and now it's absolutely no bother to have a spirits cabinet and leave beers in the fridge, and just have a single beer, or a single glass off wine and leave the bottle. I don't know what's changed. Same with sugar as well, I used to be a fucking fiend but now I can take it or leave it. Actual sugar I mean, not coke. Wanking's a tough one but it really depends on how busy I am.

So can I get there with weed, or is it too risky to try considering I obviously have an addictive personality?

I stopped blazin' a week ago. I've done this for the last 3 Januaries for a couple of weeks, never with the intention of 'quitting' but just gaining some control over it. Of course when I felt in control, I'd go back to smoking every day because I was doing nothing bar work and video games. Now I'm doing an AAT level 3 which would be my first qualification since my incredibly useful Classics degree, and I think that will help galvanize me because I don't want to be forgetting everything I learn and I actually need some sort of credibility in my industry.

I've been smoking most days since uni, and basically every day since I graduated 10 years ago. Maybe a gram of whatever a day on average, always mixed with baccy. I used to use it for specific reasons, because it stopped me feeling sad about relationship dramas or relaxed me or it was with mates or, or...but then a few years ago it just became an all-the-time thing. Before work at the bar, before work at the call center, but only once or twice since I got into accounting and only when I was really fucked off about something.

I don't really like this. I don't know how to unwind without weed; video games don't work, reading doesn't work, meditation doesn't work although I could give it more of a shot. And while I should definitely not be smoking every day for no reason, a joint definitely has a use. I never used to smoke pure weed rollups because it burned my throat in a kind of weird way, almost like an excess of mint. I tried again for the first time in a decade or so this December and had none of that, I couldn't feel any physical sensation in the throat at all tbh, which I assume is because of the cumulative damage - but I then realized the sensation I crave is the burn of some mildly dry baccy/weed mix, and the feeling I want is of being a little bit blazed but by no means monged. I've avoided stuff like Amnesia now because it's just couch-lock and I'm kind of past that (and fucking Star 'Dawg', what the hell is that? Tastes like petrol).

I'm also down to...well, I've had 2 cigarettes today, usually I have up to 10-12 when I'm working and zero when I'm just at home doing nothing because why smoke tabs when you can smoke joints when you've got no obligations? Anyway, quitting tabs isn't too big a problem, it's the weed that I'm going to always want. Same with booze, only I can easily keep bottles in the cabinet in the fridge without touching them, and I'm perfectly capable of just having one. Which I'm very proud of considering I tried

I feel almost uncomfortable with the moderately increased level of energy I have. I don't want to increased risk of dementia, but that actually looks like it's going the way of the dodo with recent advances so by the time it could hit me it'll probably be quite curable. I hope. But lung cancer won't be, and so I can't keep smoking baccy and shouldn't be inhaling plant matter regardless. Also it can't be good for my brain in general; I was never a good storyteller, and could never structure a joke properly, but I process information quickly, and retain knowledge very well, and I don't want that to decline faster than it has to. Also there's the apathy as well. I know I was always a bit detached and apathetic about people and their problems, unless I could actively solve them (in which case it's the problem rather than the person that I'm interested in), but it's not great.
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>> No. 31479 Anonymous
19th January 2022
Wednesday 1:32 am
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>>31475

I made the switch to a vape last January OP. Best decision I ever made because I suddenly didn't need to roll and go out for a joint anymore, I could just have a vape whenever I wanted. And that's what I did, when I felt the urge to smoke I went on the vape. I didn't satisfy a nicotine urge and I had to grin and bear with it, but I got stoned. And then something impressive happened. I started thinking "OH, I'll pack my vape and have a smoke" but then get distracted by something else, that's how I went my first day without smoking weed accidentally (aside from being in a drought) in over a decade, I just forgot. It's been a year and I vape once a week if I have occasion to.


As well a vape lets you control the high a lot more. Vape at 170-80 and you're not gonna be zonked, go higher, get more wrecked.

I used to structure my whole days around weed, get home in the evening from work and roll and smoke, then just do something for an hour or so before it was time to go out for the next one.

Weed has a psychological addiction but you're never going to tackle that if you don't deal with the very insidious and potent addiction that nicotine has over you first. Separate the 2 and figure out which is which. A year a go I'd never dream I'd be like I am now, I always wondered how I was gonna stop because I couldn't imagine life without a joint in the evening and I knew I was fucking my lungs as well. Well the thing driving it was nicotine, just I couldn't tell the difference.

Good luck OP
>> No. 31480 Anonymous
19th January 2022
Wednesday 4:49 am
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I know this will sound like a really trite answer, but have you tried psychedelics?

More drugs to help with your issues with drugs, I kniw; but the thing is with me, getting into psychedelics totally put me off weed. I was never an every day smoker because I never really had the opportunity to be, but I would smoke pretty often- At least weekly for most of my early 20s. But after I got into psychedelics for a bit, and had various trips with and without the use of cannabis, I had a quite powerful change in perspective on the stuff.

Frankly, I just realised I don't actually like it. I was smoking it because it was a drug, and it does a bit more to you than alcohol, when you want to be on a drug. But I don't actually like the effects- It never just chilled me out or anything like that, for me it always made me overanalyse things and become very socially anxious. I consciously ignored those negative aspects because I liked watching movies and getting way too deep into it, and because I thought being a stoner was cool. But when I was able to step back and look at it clearly in that ego-supressed tippy state, I saw that I wasn't actually getting much out of it. It was a waste of time and money.

Maybe it won't be the same for you because tour relationship with the substance itself is different, but I bet there will be some sort of inner profundity you can unlock on a bit of acid that will help you realise your goal. I'll only very occasionally smoke weed now, if I'm in the mood for it specifically (one of those long extra horny wanks for instance.)
>> No. 31481 Anonymous
19th January 2022
Wednesday 1:55 pm
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I can't be arsed to read all that wall on my phone but to answer the question, why not just eat it? Make some cannabutter or whatever, use it as a cooking ingredient. Make THC jelly babies if you want. None of it's very difficult and you can control the dose quite precisely.
>> No. 31482 Anonymous
19th January 2022
Wednesday 4:08 pm
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Probably not the advice you're looking for but marshmallow leaf is a reasonable substitute for tobacco. Get a good quality and you'll taste it, but it doesn't burn the same nor give that sluggy tobacco hit. Infact I stopped smoking gange shortly after substituting tobacco for marshmallow - it's just not the same.
>> No. 31483 Anonymous
19th January 2022
Wednesday 6:33 pm
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>>31475
I just got bored of the high as I got older, no longer enjoyed smoking socially and would just have the odd joint before bed. Realised it was a bit pointless smoking and going straight to sleep so just gradually stopped.

I still like to have a small bit of something to hand as I will smoke a joint maybe once every 3/4 months. The only time I really enjoy it now is if I'm out walking by myself in nature somewhere then a very small j can be quite nice. Otherwise I'm not fussed. I do still drink too much though. Dunno if that's any help really.

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>> No. 31414 Anonymous
10th January 2022
Monday 2:52 pm
31414 people felt this needed it's own thread so...
It has taken a lifetime of cruelty that I have bared with a grin to reach this point. But I fucking hate women.

I hate them because a narcissist delusion that they are always the victim and hard done by even when they are sickly spoilt, they aren't hard done by at all they are entitled. You know when you see someone who is used to getting their own way doesn't get their own way and they throw a tantrum, that's women, that's the entire modern fisherperson movement.

They have no concept of how minor their problems are, or that men can be treated like a level of human garbage that no one else will stick up for and expected to unfuck themselves, only to have women tell them the entire time how privileged they are and how we should all feel guilty that they have imagined they are fat by choosing to read beauty magazines. This is not some hypothetical extremes either this is real world situations I have been in.

You know why women make less than men. It is because the men who were making less were either driven to suicide (at a rate that if it was women would be seen as proof of sexual inequality but because it is men it doesn't count) or aren't counted because they are homeless and therefore unemployed ( again at a rate that would be considered definitive proof of sexual inequality if it was women), one pretty women gets murdered by one copper and middle England loses their collective minds. The suffering of men as victims of the majority of crimes is normalised and is irrelevant, an isolated incident for a woman is worthy of mass protest.

Women don't take the initiative to do the hard graft, they can fucking complain, but you don't see them changing jobs to work as petroleum engineers to get higher pay do you, no they want everything to change for them rather than to change the one thing they have control over? Why because if they tried make the change they would have to accept some responsibility for their failures, the way men have to.

The game is simple women are the victims even when they demonstrably aren't, domestic violence, a problem women preach how they are at danger of constantly and blah blah blah, in reality biggest domestic abusers... fucking women, safest relationship is a gay one. Most dangerous lesbian, they evidently can't control their natural feminine instincts for violence. And there is a vast list of situations that Women are objectively in a better status than men, but they don't count because they violate the mantra. Women are the victims of society isn't a point based On evidence it is an article of faith and no evidence to the contrary could ever change it. It wouldn't matter if women out performances men in every measurable sense in our societypeople would still be preaching women are the victims.

It is the equivalent of nazi Germany externalizing all of their problems and playing victim to a minority, even when they had the control and power, women run the world, or close enough at this point but spend all their time chasing shadows of imagined boggy men, they can blame for their failures. I can't play the game again it sickens me every time a man humours them and invalidates his own struggle just to try get laid. Men appealing to women's insecurities seems like a poison the women never learns to stop being self indulgent, and the man never acknowledges his own pain.

We do this to our fucking selves there is no toxic masculinity there is just an inability to talk about mens problems because women can't stand the idea they are fuck ups so we aren't allowed to talk about how men are shat upon. Because men aren't allowed their own space and men doing worse than women is considered 'problem solved'. We condition women to feel like they are hard done by even when they aren't. You want true equality start letting women fail the way men do and watch how they suddenly fall in line and stop complaining and start appreciating the value of what they have. Of course there are other mechanisms here society actually wants women to be needy narcists because needy women buy more shit. The consumer market seems driven by women buying clothes and children impulse buying shiny crap.
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>> No. 31470 Anonymous
17th January 2022
Monday 2:21 pm
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>>31468
>I think (on /emo/ at least) we should try to give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to evaluating their own experiences.

You should never be a dick on /emo/, but that doesn't mean people should never have their views and experiences challenged or you're at risk of creating an echo chamber.

When other replies to this thread include "I was told I was making a lady feel uncomfortable and made to feel like a sex pest when all I did was treat her like one of the lads" I would say that a bit of introspection is necessary. Rather than blaming other people, say, it may be worth reflecting on how some of these lads come across. When there's posters here who think it's acceptable to be the older guys preying on drunk 18 year olds during freshers week I think it's not a stretch to say there's a fair few creeps on here who need to take a hard look at themselves.

>I don't often see the same happening with sweeping observations about men just wanting sex or being violent or struggling with expressing themselves emotionally or other broadly accepted stereotypes.

When are they ever brought up here, apart from the instances when you lads get too horny and spend hours posting about fat lasses and their robust chins?
>> No. 31471 Anonymous
17th January 2022
Monday 4:02 pm
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>>31470
>You should never be a dick on /emo/, but that doesn't mean people should never have their views and experiences challenged

Very much agree. We created /emo/ as the kindest/safest space on the site, and we'll always make sure that's enforced - but this definitely isn't an echo chamber where people will automatically agree with you.
>> No. 31472 Anonymous
17th January 2022
Monday 5:14 pm
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>>31470
>>31471

I agree that we shouldn't create an echo chamber, what I'm saying is that just dismissing someone's observations which they've got through anecdotal experience with another anecdotal experience isn't very convincing or helpful.

I also don't think it's fair to push the whole responsibility of a perceived problem back onto the person expressing it. I would think the same if someone posted, "I'm lonely, and I think the problem is x" and someone responded "it's you, it's easy to meet people", or if another thread went "I've only ever had bad relationships, and I think it might be for y reason" is not always a case of "it's you, you spend time with the wrong people".
>> No. 31473 Anonymous
17th January 2022
Monday 7:21 pm
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>>31472
The person who posted >>31466 opened with "feel free to offer counterpoints or what have you" so I'm not really sure what your issue is?
>> No. 31474 Anonymous
18th January 2022
Tuesday 2:14 am
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>>31470

As the lad who posted in the first place and did indeed specifically say you're welcome to provide counterpoint, I will just say that I'm not at all miffed at you/whoever disagreeing with me. What does miff me is that it was really a pretty boilerplate response without much substance beyond empty contrarianism, and all it served to do is derailus into this kind of navel gazing nonsense. That's alright in a /news/ thread about BoJo's booze ups, but I do feel like /emo/ should be a place for good faith engagement.

whiteline
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>> No. 31315 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 7:32 pm
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I never want to commit to anything because I'm scared that if I do I'll miss out other opportunities that are better. I'm coming up 30 and I've no fucking clue what I actually want to do with my life.

On paper my life is great. 50k salary likely to go up, lovely attractive girlfriend earning double what I do but not an arse about it, my health (as far as I know), family, reasonable friend circle. Just not quite happy and feel there must be more to life.

This is in everything from my career (try climbing the ladder without being specialised in case you want to do tech, or law, or something else), my attitude to life (do I leave things quite high level in case I want to pack it up and go travel?) and just generally everything.

I'm pretty miserable because of it. How do I commit to things and not worry about what might have been instead of always thinking I need to be able to immediately run from what I have to something else?
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>> No. 31318 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 8:47 pm
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>>31317
The unwritten book will always be perfect, right?
I'm not so sure that picking a route stops you from changing course - It'd lead you elsewhere, sure, but you can always turn around or take an unexpected direction. I do that all the time when out and about.
Plenty of people do a lot of stuff with their time. There's no reason why you couldn't persue multiple projects across your days, months and even years.

Do you feel that you're not doing enough? Not experiencing enough of life? Having mentioned travel specifically, is there anything you're particularly interested in seeing?
Have you watched "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty" lately?
>> No. 31319 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 9:03 pm
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You are a living example of the hedonic treadmill effect in action.

No matter how much you have you'll always feel you're missing out on something, something that's just out of reach. I earn half what you do, I've got a nice but deeply flawed girlfriend, and I can count my friends on one hand. But I'm content. It's not that I don't have ambitions, but I have to be realistic in my scope, because I've never had the world laid out in front of me for my taking, everything has been an uphill struggle. Everything I do have, I'm pretty fucking grateful for, truth be told.

You might not think this is practical advice, you might not think it's helpful in real terms, but I constantly see people who are better off than me, yet less happy. I think there has to be something to it. The youngsters who start off at my place of work and discover the job isn't what they thought it'd be, and how quickly despondent they get. I wish they felt the way I do, glad to be there because at least it's not answering the phones all day for Plusnet or Curry's. I wish they knew what a really shit job was, not in a "could be worse" sense, but simply in order to have some perspective.

How adventurous has your life been? Did you do the "gap year" thing and go travelling or whatever, or have you been straight on that career path grind since uni? How often do you cut loose and go on a several day long drugs and booze bender? Have you slept with many women? I think all these questions have an effect on your ultimate outlook as you begin to stare down the barrel of middle age. You start to realise you don't have all the time in the world and you can't do everything. You only get one go. "And then one day you find... Ten years have got behind you..." etc.

Personally I did a lot of that in my youth- I mean, that's why I don't have the successful career you do, I fucked it all off to play at being a rock star. It was great fun for four or five years, but you can never go on like that forever, especially not as a complete povvo in reality. Ultimately though I think that's part of why I'm so content now, despite my modest circumstances. I think it's basically this reason why so many men have the typical mid-life crisis, whereas I can pretty reasonably say I've been there and done that.

It sounds to me like the reason you don't want to commit to things is because frankly, you're not ready to. You haven't satiated that youthful lust for adventure. You haven't lived enough to be content with it and settle down. It's not that there's more to life, it's just that you haven't had your fill to begin with. Once you've had enough, the desire to calm it down and plan for the longer term comes naturally, like putting your feet up after a long day of work and dunking a hob nob in your brew.
>> No. 31321 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 9:38 pm
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>>31318
Yes, yes I do, but I don't know if I'm being unrealistic. I have seen Walter Mitty and it's exactly what I had in mind except my life is probably a bit more rounded than his.

I'd love my Walter Mitty moment but I wonder if I'm being a stupid cunt and not accepting life isn't a fairytale.

I wish I'd done a bit more off the beaten path things. I've done a few, but not enough, but I'm not sure why that means I can't commit or pick a career. That's just me being unhappy with personal experiences.

>>31319
This post hits hard. I also started from a less than ideal place like you and am very much aware of the could be worse. I think that's the problem though, you lived your life and then got through it, I never really lived mine and so I'm scared that just jacking it all in and backpacking across aus or something will mean throwing away the material comfort I've built for myself.

Your post hit home, it is to do with running out of time. I just wonder if whatever I choose I'll always be upset I didn't pick the other? Picking fruit in aus wishing I'd picked the comfy office - earning my comfy office salary but wishing I was slumming it in aus.

Tell me sage lad, what would you do if you were me?
>> No. 31323 Anonymous
6th December 2021
Monday 11:50 pm
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>>31321

You'll always regret the chances you didn't take. If they don't work out, there's loads of boring comfy offices all over this country, and every other country, all over the world. They're all the same. You're not missing out on anything special there.

If I were you I'd take a sort of middle path. You earn plenty of cash as it is, so you can certainly save up a chunk; and you-know-what is still going to be a big deal as far as travel is concerned for at least another year I reckon. So plan your move and don't do it straight away- But in essence, just fuck everything off for a year or two and go have your adventures. It'll gnaw at you if you don't. You're scared to actually take the leap of faith, but I can assure you the realisation you're on the ride now, and you're not getting off until it's done, is worth it.

Now don't get me wrong, this isn't sensible or considered advice, and I have had a couple of beers, but nevertheless. The times I've felt most alive were those occasions I'd just got up and walked out of my job with no intention of going back, and just saying "Fuck it. I'll survive somehow." and then driving off, sunglasses on, arm hanging out the window, fag in hand. The coolest, biggest bollocked, no fuck given bad ass.

Terrifying, obviously, and foolish. But the exhilaration of just having to sink or swim, free falling until you learn how to glide. It's quite the thing.

Of course, people like us are fortunate to be able to do that with the knowledge will never come to any real harm- There is a safety net, ultimately, for most of us; and in my case it was back when the benefits system was still rather exploitable. In your case it's that you can put enough money away that you wouldn't have to worry, and you will always still have a career waiting for you. I doubt a year or two backpacking would see you resigned to working the tills at Tesco, anyway.
>> No. 31366 Anonymous
17th December 2021
Friday 12:52 am
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>>31323

Thank you. Really appreciate the insight and surprised how accurate this was.

Because of this post I reached out to an international job offer that got canned by Covid and they might still be able to work something out post-Covid craziness mid next year so here's hoping.

If not, I'll go do some cliche thing where I take 6 months to walk through a country or something and find myself.

I've not felt that exhilaration for a while and whilst I'm super grateful for my safety net in a weird way sometimes the comfort is the worst thing there is for me.

Wish me luck.

whiteline
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