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>> No. 18262 Anonymous ## Mod ##
5th March 2014
Wednesday 8:27 pm
18262 Please check the old pages for similar threads Locked Stickied
before creating a new one.
Failure to do so may result in angry shouting.

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>> No. 24845 Anonymous
27th April 2017
Thursday 5:32 pm
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My life has gone downhill ever since I met a Brazilian Ju Jitsu fighter at Westfield and saw him selling copies of big tissue. It's strange but the way I remember it was that I was set for everything but at December in 2011, things became worse. Nothing mattered and I couldn't eat much as well as wondering whether the nootropics I was taking would actually end up in me being hospitalised. It becomes extraordinarily strange when I realise a lot of it was recorded on this here website, on the IRC itself. I want to understand exactly what was happening in 2012. There's some more things that happened which include kidnapping, torture and brainwashing (as well as strong secret service intimidation) but I wanted to find out exactly why my life became strange.


I remember absolutely everything as well as absolutley nothing. If you get my gist.
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>> No. 25016 Anonymous
12th June 2017
Monday 2:45 pm
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>>25015

Fair enough. I do wish that the landlord would bar this one.
>> No. 25017 Anonymous
12th June 2017
Monday 5:50 pm
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>>25014
This. Interesting thread but more suited to /boo/.
>> No. 25023 Anonymous
14th June 2017
Wednesday 2:22 pm
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>>25013
OK. I'll share a few things with you, not to encourage you to persist in ideas that sound delusional, but to reassure you that you are not alone in having obsessional thoughts and over-thinking it all.

I found Richard Tomlinson's blog where he was revealing all sorts of things he shouldn't have in his efforts to make some sort of peace with SIS back in 2006. Some commenters there were most interesting to me as they talked about Intelligence agency linked mind control - I'd been interested in this stuff for years and had read all about MK Ultra in reputable books like 'Journey Into Madness' and checked out the crazy fringe literature of people like Cathy O'Brien too. It took quite a bit of detective work but eventually I figured out that all of the comments talking about this stuff were in fact Emily under many different handles. As her graphomania has progressed so has her clarity and intellect declined: she could give you the chills back then, now she's just silly and a bit of a worry.

When I was reading Richard Tomlinson's blog everyday and sometimes commenting myself, a van was parked outside all day with two guys sitting there observing the flats and making it clear that this was the sort of surveillance I was supposed to notice. I guess it is a possibility they were watching someone else? I still wonder about what exactly was the great national threat I may have been posing by getting involved in this, and maybe they were just checking out a drug dealer next door.

Tomlinson made his peace with the security services, removed his blog, and gave evidence at the Diana inquest.

In 2010 I experienced a kind of nervous breakdown after a series of bereavements - I was exhausted and suicidal to some degree and ended up in an NHS nuthouse for ten days. While there I was so spaced out I wasn't making sense and became fixated on the idea that a fellow patient was in fact purple of .gs fame. I asked 'are you purple?' and he answered 'well I had to meet you after you wrote that'. We were both in a madhouse and these sort of preposterous cross purpose conversations do happen there. A very bonkers old eskimo guy in there told me 'since you mention Richard Tomlinson, now they will never let you go - this a den of iniquity my friend'. WTF?

I have never been on the irc, didn't go to that meetup, all I know about the mods of this site is that they have done a fine job keeping the site amusing and fairly unique (if underused) and free of the likes of Are Simon or carpet-baggery types. Getting rid of the /i/ board early on was a great move towards making here a place for adults I think.

No snarky comments from all you sane people please - my story is directed at OP only. Polite self-sage.
>> No. 25024 Anonymous
14th June 2017
Wednesday 2:28 pm
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>>25023
Who the fuck is Richard Tomlinson? Honestly I knew Emily kept mentioning him but assumed she'd misinterpreted something like with 'Armstrong and Miller'. So he is/was a real spook?
>> No. 25025 Anonymous
14th June 2017
Wednesday 2:31 pm
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>>25024
https://wikispooks.com/wiki/Richard_Tomlinson

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>> No. 24897 Anonymous
6th May 2017
Saturday 8:26 am
24897 About to get evicted from my flat, any way to hold on longer?
Had a load of job shit, fell 2 months behind on rent, looking for places at the moment but won't get any confirmation for a week.

I've lived here 18 months. The contract lasted 12 months, my landlady 'really liked me' because I'm quiet and clean and polite, so when it ran out she let me stay without signing anything else. Despite 'all inclusive rent' I agreed to a £50pcm hike to help out with bills, helped her paint the flat, sort out a new tenant. Basically, I haven't been acting like a shit until just recently. After being asked to buy a contract and a key for the new tenant, it became clear that my landlady was incredibly unreliable. When I originally lost my job I just stopped paying rent and waited for her to notice. It was 2 months before she contacted me, she wants either £500 or £1000, I'm not quite sure, because I don't think I have to pay it (it can come out of my deposit and the ~£750 I happily paid her in extra for bills over the months), and really I have no intention of paying it unless legally bound.

Since I'm not contractually bound by anything, that's all run out and I have the only copy of the original contract, and my 'landlady' is renting this property from assisted living, so what's the deal here? Can she just kick me out as soon as she gets back in the country? Any kind of squatters rights I can invoke to get a few weeks of space? Not sure how long it'll take me to find a house, but I intend to be gone within the fortnight, and would be using the money that I've managed to gather since getting a new job to pay the deposit on that rather than pay one/two months rent.
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>> No. 24899 Anonymous
7th May 2017
Sunday 2:52 am
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>>24898

Cheers, good to know. There isn't actually a copy of the original contract around, I think my landlady lost it, so would that affect anything?
>> No. 25019 Anonymous
14th June 2017
Wednesday 8:38 am
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>>24899

It's illegal for her to change the locks. That doesn't mean she won't do it and if she does there is in practice very little you can do. Act with haste.
>> No. 25020 Anonymous
14th June 2017
Wednesday 10:19 am
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>>25019
>Act with haste.
He says, in response to a month-old post.
>> No. 25021 Anonymous
14th June 2017
Wednesday 1:08 pm
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>>25020
That's pretty quick for this site.
>> No. 25022 Anonymous
14th June 2017
Wednesday 1:10 pm
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>>25021
But probably not quick enough for a vengeful landlord.

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>> No. 25001 Anonymous
9th June 2017
Friday 3:36 pm
25001 Being a dickhead
So earlier this afternoon I intimidated some women at a train station.

Now, that sounds bad, reprehensible even, but fifteen minutes earlier they had loudly mocked a disabled person getting onto the train, and a mixture of wanting to control resent overreactions I've had to certain events and not wanting to cause embarrassment to the disabled individual made me not say anything. However, as they sat there, giggling and laughing and talking about utterly vapid bullshit my shame and rage built and built and by the time we got off at the station I was fuming, disgusted as much with myself as with them by this point. As we went through the ticket gates I slunk behind the crowd and waited for them, so what I did next was with full intent, I confess.

Beyond the gates I almost drifted in amongst them as one exclaimed "I don't even know what to do now we're here", and I let out a fairly incoherent stream of frustrated curses. From what I recall (these things always happen "so fast", don't they?) I told them "you horrible obnoxious cunts, why don't you save this town the bother and fuck off home, you cruel bitches". I'm fairly certain I threw a twat into the mix, but heaven knows where.

They looked, understandably alarmed, and they fell quiet, and as I went away to collect myself I realised I hadn't mentioned the train incident at all and they, in their uncaring way, had possibly already forgotten it. On some level, however, I was perfectly glad to leave them confused and anxious about the whole situation, not giving them a chance to defend their utterly indefensible actions.

I feel unpleasant about the whole thing, but also that I was right, which is difficult to reconcile, and probably why I'm writing this. Am I mental bastard, looking for an excuse to berate strangers, or a sweary DI Frost, doing the filthy, honest, work no one else cares to?
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>> No. 25009 Anonymous
11th June 2017
Sunday 12:09 am
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I predict that our generation is the last in history that will bemoan the youth of today. When all your youthful indiscretions are archived online for all eternity, the rose-tinted glasses of nostalgia fall off. You can see exactly how much of a tit you were as a teenager in glorious HD.
>> No. 25010 Anonymous
11th June 2017
Sunday 11:05 am
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>>25007>>25008

Not really, he's complaining about young people being a bit loud. The thirty-something year old women I'm talking about were aggressively chastising a stranger ased on how they looked, and I'm 22 myself, not middle aged as people have assumed.
>> No. 25011 Anonymous
11th June 2017
Sunday 11:16 am
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>>25010
You were complaining about him being mean spirited. I don't think anyone's saying you were in the wrong initially.
>> No. 25012 Anonymous
11th June 2017
Sunday 5:27 pm
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>>25009

I tend to think negative of people regardless of their age. Their hypocrisy and smug self-absorbed holier than thou emotional thinking seeps through in a way that I find immediately transparent.

I don't hate all people, but I don’t think this kind of mean girls’ bullshit goes away with age. It is just you aren't exposed to it, because adults tend not to hold court with a hoard of their bitchy friends on public transport during rush hour, and as you grow older you self sellect to avoid the sections of society you despise.
>> No. 25018 Anonymous
13th June 2017
Tuesday 12:49 pm
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>>25001
You weren't a dick head for getting angry at them for mocking a disabled person, but as you note, you forgot to mention it. So now they'll have filed the incident away as a funny story about that time a bloke on the train just abused us for no reason. Hey ho.

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>> No. 24935 Anonymous
31st May 2017
Wednesday 2:44 pm
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Is it strange that I cannot even imagine myself in a relationship? Not that I don't want one, or that I am asexual, it's just like that part of what to me seems is an innate part of our nature is missing. I've never had a girlfriend , or done anything close in that regard.

I mean it seems to come so naturally to others, and I'm left feeling awfully left out and lonely. It isn't like I have had ample opportunity to meet women, I'm in my fourth year at university -- I just do not know how and feel like I have missed out on a lot of life experiences that 'we' are expected to have had. There is also of course the biological drive which is present and with over a decade of me not being able to fulfill that, I am left somewhat frustrated. I know that in another life I am once of the fedora tipping 'incels' on Reddit, but I know is this is entirely the fault of my own fucked head.

I feel like university is "easy" for meeting people in this context, and I feel like if I'm completely unable to do it here, I'm never going to be able to.

I've tried talking to a counsellor about it, but he was useless and cancelled the sessions.

Where do I even begin to sort myself out?
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>> No. 24986 Anonymous
6th June 2017
Tuesday 9:43 pm
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At least there is someone else on my Facebook in a similar boat to me.
>> No. 24987 Anonymous
6th June 2017
Tuesday 9:48 pm
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>>24986
Why would you post this publicly?
>> No. 24988 Anonymous
6th June 2017
Tuesday 10:31 pm
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>>24987
A cry for help, I suppose.
>> No. 24989 Anonymous
6th June 2017
Tuesday 11:01 pm
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>>24988
please help
>> No. 24996 Anonymous
7th June 2017
Wednesday 11:24 am
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>>24989
You might try some self-help books like How to make friends and influence people or the seven pillars of wotsit.
I don't know. You just need to find a way to be happy in yourself without actively looking. It sounds counter-productive but I've always found the best things have happened when I've genuinely given up hope of finding anyone and have just been getting on with improving my own lot. A combination of seeming less desperate and the watched pot not boiling.

Millenials are taking much longer to find someone and settle down, don't compare yourself to your parent's generation or the outliers around you.

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>> No. 24982 Anonymous
6th June 2017
Tuesday 1:14 pm
24982 Breaking up with your significant other
Hey. My relationship of nearly 2 years has come to a head. My SO moved in with me at the beginning of the year and it's taken me this long to understand that we're not compatible. Without going into too much detail, I'd like to break it off with her.

Potential issues lie in her having moved an hour up the road for me, being emotionally immature, and having several heavy boxes and cases of absolute fucking shite in my flat.

Please help, gs.
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>> No. 24983 Anonymous
6th June 2017
Tuesday 1:17 pm
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I'm confused. She moved in with you or she moved an hour up the road?
In terms of 'difficulties when ending a relationship', having to hire a van for a couple of hours isn't the toughest solution to pull off.
>> No. 24984 Anonymous
6th June 2017
Tuesday 1:22 pm
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>>24983

She moved in with me. She was previously living with her mum an hour down the road.

Also, I can't drive. She can, technically, but is "too scared of driving" to have driven since she passed her test 5 years ago.
>> No. 24985 Anonymous
6th June 2017
Tuesday 2:17 pm
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You're going to have a shit few weeks, there's no getting around that. Ultimately, you've got no choice but to tell her to sling her hook. The fallout will be absolutely horrible, but it'll also be fairly brief.

"This isn't working, we're making each other miserable, I think it'd be best if you moved back in with your mum". Be compassionate, make sure that she knows you feel shit about it, but be firm. Make sure that it's a clean break with no lingering ties, otherwise this could drag on for months. Don't be cowed into changing your mind if there's crying or screaming or plate throwing, that just leads to more misery.

Good luck.
>> No. 24993 Anonymous
7th June 2017
Wednesday 10:51 am
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>>24985

Well fuck, I don't know what I was expecting. Thanks for the solid advice, best beloved.

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>> No. 24971 Anonymous
4th June 2017
Sunday 2:06 am
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I don't want to go to sleep because I know that when I wake up, I'll just be depressed all day tomorrow.

Going for a walk doesn't help, taking a shower doesn't help, cleaning my room doesn't help.
All I do is lay around pleading with the void for death to arrive.

I don't know why I'm posting, someone will probably tell me to go to a doctor and I acknowledge that it's probably the most reasonable choice but it makes me sick with anxiety to even think about it. I'll probably just delete this thread in the morning.
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>> No. 24972 Anonymous
4th June 2017
Sunday 4:36 am
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>>24971

Don't delete it, you don't really need to do anything with the advice that you're given- you've nothing to lose.

>someone will probably tell me to go to a doctor and I acknowledge that it's probably the most reasonable choice but it makes me sick with anxiety to even think about it

I think the first thing you should do is just work out a rough plan of what exactly is wrong, what you have tried, and how you're going to continue working your way through this. I found just running to the doctor to be unhelpful, but going with a little more experience was better.

Obviously, people will push doctors on you- I would say that you should look for some form of support, ideally from a doctor but it could also be a charity. I went through my universities short term counselling, and was recommended for longer term counselling, for which I had to find myself- I found a charitable option quite literally at the YMCA, and I used that twice for a year each time. I'm assuming you're not in university; you might have to hunt for this level of support, whether you go through the GP or otherwise.

If you have a close friend or family member that is open, you can go with them- I didn't have that though.

What is your support network like?
>> No. 24974 Anonymous
4th June 2017
Sunday 5:12 am
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>>24972
>I think the first thing you should do is just work out a rough plan of what exactly is wrong, what you have tried, and how you're going to continue working your way through this.

Seconding this. I know it sounds silly but after you read this go grab a pen and paper and write out your problem in detail along with possible solutions. You don't need to show anyone this but it will engage a more detached frame of mind for approaching the problem that isn't crippled by anxiety.

If you're stuck, like the other lad said numerous organizations and people can help even if it is just someone to talk it out with. If you're not comfortable with doing that then we're happy to lend an ear and a few of us who have battled these demons before can talk over what worked for us with the understanding that your experience may be different.

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>> No. 24929 Anonymous
30th May 2017
Tuesday 12:50 pm
24929 Maddening Dickhead Waster
Is there a sort of peaceful French Foreign Legion I can join where I won't be subject to brutal initiation rites at the hands of former Spetsnaz operatives? I've really fucked things in the most elementary of ways and I'd sincerely appreciate a purpose in life.

I've cocked up my most recent stumble into getting qualifications higher than mediocre at best GCSEs, and last Thursday I was very close indeed to going into some woods, taking a long a load of Paracetamol and slashing open my wrists. Instead I just walked about for 5 hours calling myself various derogatory names under my breath. I'm 22 and can't stand being such a sack of shit much longer.

I've already self-referred to the local mental health services, and if anything I've said sounds glib I assure you I'm deadly serious in all respects.
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>> No. 24931 Anonymous
30th May 2017
Tuesday 1:22 pm
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There are several Buddhist monasteries that provide retreats free of charge. Spending time with Buddhist monks can be a very powerful experience. You're expected to follow the precepts of the monastery and participate in the daily routine, but they don't care what you believe or what you've done in life. The links below are for monasteries in the Thai Forest Tradition - this is a very pragmatic and grounded form of Buddhist practice, with an absolute minimum of airy-fairy nonsense. There are loads of others in the UK, but I can personally vouch for these two.

http://www.amaravati.org/visiting/staying-overnight/
https://ratanagiri.org.uk/participate/visiting-and-staying

There are a number of "intentional communities" (communes without the mad cultish aspect) that welcome visitors. Accommodation is usually free, with a suggested donation of a few quid a day if you can afford it. I can personally recommend Talamh in Scotland, but there's a full list at Diggers and Dreamers.

http://www.talamh.org.uk/accommodation/
http://www.diggersanddreamers.org.uk/communities/existing/by-region

There's an international network called Willing Workers on Organic Farms. Organic farmers provide free board and lodging in exchange for a few hours of work every day. You don't need to know anything about farming, as long as you're willing to put in some graft.

http://wwoof.net/
>> No. 24932 Anonymous
30th May 2017
Tuesday 4:11 pm
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>>24931

Seconding the monastery thing.
>> No. 24934 Anonymous
31st May 2017
Wednesday 9:56 am
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This thread makes me regret getting a mortgage at 21. Godspeed, OP. May you achieve what some of us can only dream of.
>> No. 24937 Anonymous
31st May 2017
Wednesday 5:05 pm
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>>24934

I want to kill myself.

We can swap if you like.

>>24931

Those are helpful and I'll look into them (wish I'd known about the communal living in Manchester a while back actually), but is there nothing more like >>24930 , but with MSF's requirement that you be quantifiably good at something?
>> No. 24938 Anonymous
31st May 2017
Wednesday 6:18 pm
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>>24937

You could do 10-12 weeks abroad with VSO. You don't need any particular qualifications.

https://www.vsointernational.org/volunteering/ICS-youth-volunteering

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>> No. 24860 Anonymous
30th April 2017
Sunday 5:21 pm
24860 Uncle dilemma
I am fully aware that what I am about to ask advice on is going to be labelled as a non-problem by many, but please remember than this is /emo/ rather than /iq/.

It all started at a family Christmas gathering. Last Chirstmas. My sisters daughter, also known as my niece, was asking me a lot of questions about her upcoming semester abroad as she was hoping to do it in a city where I spend a lot of time. I also have relevant contacts that would help her project. Anyway, I digress, we had obviously been drinking and there was a moment where her hand ended up on my thigh, quite near my glands. An awkward, intense and hot silence followed but was quickly interrupted by her father coming in looking for something.

Four months on I had almost forgotten about it until last night when I received a wechat message from her saying that she has been approved for the semester abroad plans approved. The first message was just a belated happy birthday, some stuff about her course and asking if she could stay with me as we had discussed. I replied saying that was fine. She then messaged asking if I remembered Christmas, I replied yes. She then sends me three nude pics saying she wants to have fun when she is visits.

She is 20 and a 9/10 blonde. I'm mid 40's, divorced, in great shape for my age.

She is the sort of woman I wank to with porn, but Im not sure what to do next. What is the legal situation here?
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>> No. 24877 Anonymous
1st May 2017
Monday 9:50 am
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I think as others have said, you're going to have to reluctantly refuse, especially as if you can hook this one you're capable of hooking others who aren't blood relations in order to get your end away.
>> No. 24878 Anonymous
1st May 2017
Monday 9:54 am
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>>24876
For England and Wales its under the Sexual Offenses Act 2003:
>The ways that A may be related to B are as parent, grandparent, child, grandchild, brother, sister, half-brother, half-sister, uncle, aunt, nephew or niece.
http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/section/65

You can legally fuck your cousins and even marry them in Britain. Don't let any foreigners know about this or we will never hear the end of it.
>> No. 24879 Anonymous
1st May 2017
Monday 10:12 am
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>>24878
I tell you, I won't live in a town that robs men of the right to marry their cousins!
>> No. 24880 Anonymous
1st May 2017
Monday 6:25 pm
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You know who else shagged their niece, OP? Adolf Hitler, so think about that.

>>24876

>Fucking hell, aren't you a Tiny Tim?

I mean on the soft, obviously, lad!
>> No. 24933 Anonymous
30th May 2017
Tuesday 6:29 pm
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So, how did it go?

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>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
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>> No. 24924 Anonymous
20th May 2017
Saturday 9:27 pm
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>>24923
And tell him what? The whole thing is drawn out.
>> No. 24925 Anonymous
21st May 2017
Sunday 1:57 pm
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>>24923

The doctor tried to tell me I was depressed for these reasons, so I had to remind him that not only am I already on an antidepressant for anxiety, I suffer from chronic back and joint pain and told him if he gave me better painkillers I'd shower more than was absolutely necessary to keep my wife from leaving me.

I shaved recently for the first time in about a year and had to use scissors on it first, because I was going to a wedding. Up until that point I couldn't be arsed because it really hurt my arm and wrist and my wife liked it... for a bit. She started offering to shave it for me, but I was too proud, but eventually conceded the moustache because she threatened to stop having sex with me so she was trimming it with a beard trimmer every time it got "scratchy".

It's all about perspective, both of those things apply to me but I'm pretty OK mentally.
>> No. 24926 Anonymous
21st May 2017
Sunday 6:31 pm
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>>24925

Cognitive Behavoural Therapy can be really useful for chronic pain. It won't make the pain better, but it can make it easier to live with. Have you ever been referred to a pain clinic or the Expert Patients Programme?
>> No. 24927 Anonymous
21st May 2017
Sunday 10:15 pm
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>>24926

Yeah, the Pain Clinic are fucking heroes. They gave me my first TENS machine and put me on pre-gabalin (which is cracking stuff).

The nurses have good chat and tolerance for swearing, first time I went they gave me a form with pictures of the body and told me to highlight were it hurt. I highlighted the whole thing and handed it back to him and he was just like "...fair enough. You want to sit in my desk chair, these seat are shit?" I sat in the chair.
>> No. 25026 Anonymous
19th June 2017
Monday 2:34 am
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I care more about the people I'm employed to look after than myself. Much more. They are fantastic, and I have no idea why I'm still here.

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>> No. 24266 Anonymous
23rd February 2017
Thursday 10:48 am
24266 Well fuck...
Jesus Christ I am having a fucking hard time at the moment...

My fucking bitch of a girlfriend came round to my place the other day and went mad raging because the laplander in the shop wouldn't let her use her card and made her get cash out instead. So then we went back to what USED to be my place and she continued raging shouting at the top of her voice about the laplander. The fucking thing is my neighbours just so happen to be of that race.

Next thing the fucking landlord comes round and says that there has been a complaint about her and that we need to keep it down. After this we go to the kitchen and start cooking, and some black guy that lives in the next room comes in and he's all like "hey girl" which pissed me off no end. Fucking thing is though, he is massive. So I do my best to defend my position but ended up getting knocked the fuck out and thrown down the stairs. All the while this bitch is standing there loving seeing two blokes argue over her.

Anyway, the landlord came again and fucking evicted me. Then she fucking left me stranded and refused to let me into her place. Since then I have been sleeping rough and I do not have a clue what to do. I've lost my phone, I've developed a huge alcohol problem and I don't even know what to do about any of it. Sorry for repeating myself I'm on a bit of a rant.

Has anyone got any suggestions?
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>> No. 24908 Anonymous
8th May 2017
Monday 1:36 am
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>>24890

At the risk of sounding harsh it seems like the best place for you lad. Unless you live in a Kafka novel, if everyone around you seems nuts on the balance of probability it's actually you who is nuts.

You've been sent to loony bin twice in about as many months. Take a pause and think about that.
>> No. 24910 Anonymous
8th May 2017
Monday 2:07 am
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>>24908

Some people might see fit to date or associate with gutter-trash people as part of a mental health issue or self-esteem problem or something. e.g. I know this guy whose girlfriend was an ex-prostitute, and that's how he met her because he hired her, and she lost him two flats. There's a huge problem there but the problem isn't that he's imagining she's crazy.
>> No. 24913 Anonymous
10th May 2017
Wednesday 5:49 pm
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>>24910

>if everyone around you seems nuts

I think you might want to re-read that post, lad.
>> No. 24914 Anonymous
11th May 2017
Thursday 6:55 pm
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OP here...

I cannot really say much at the moment as I have a mental health worker monitoring me over my shoulder in a kind of roundabout way, but an update will follow and it will definitely help a lot of people out that find themselves in similar situations.

I have found out how to play the system and get help at the same time. I really did need some help with some mental health issues that I never really realised that I actually had.

Anyway, that is as much as I can say for now, but as soon as I get a chance I will post an update from someone's smartphone in due course.
>> No. 24915 Anonymous
12th May 2017
Friday 4:38 pm
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I am still here...

I have gained my diagnosis for PTSD and depression and will now be getting all the help that I need with benefits and proper housing not some shitty hostel. This has helped my frame of my mind no end. They have put me on anti depressants which will work properly and put a plan in place...

Excellent... I am still being supervised so I will have to write more later.

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>> No. 24906 Anonymous
7th May 2017
Sunday 11:28 pm
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I wanted some literature to help cope with a few glaring issues I have discovered in myself after being left alone for the whole weekend and writing down everything I could. I doubt it is obvious to others who interact with me, but I have known for quite some time that I suffer from extreme self-esteem issues. I try my best to correct it, but as it is with things that make-up you... it is me. My self-esteem is lacking horrifically, especially at low points in my life. Feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and lack of pride dog me constantly, and I suffer from an acute form of self-conciousness.

They manifest in how I conduct myself and it impacts everything I do to almost all my relationships. I have been known for being shy, but this is kind of beyond that. I mumble and never speak clearly for fear that I might say something wrong or mispronounce something. If people don't hear me and they say "sorry," it just sets me off into a downward spiral. I hide everything I can from everyone and to those close to me too. When asked about the car I drive, I start stuttering and kick myself at night before bed because "what the fuck is wrong with the car I drive that I feel embarrassed about?" When taking down notes while speaking on the phone, I have to hide what I am writing, and I realise the absurdity of my actions later on. I have to constantly remind myself that other people do it, it isn't embarrassing.

I assume I come off weird, meek and aimless. I tried masking it, but it comes off. It all clicked when I was thinking all these things over today and yesterday. This is also why I dream about just disappearing -- Not dying, but just ceasing to exist.

I have figured out where most of this stems from, but the past can't be changed and I would much rather read about others who might have insight into this or have dealt with this and how they may have come over it. So lads, any experiences, drugs or books to help with these issues would be greatly appreciated.

Especially books or drugs.
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>> No. 24907 Anonymous
7th May 2017
Sunday 11:34 pm
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The drugs don't work, they just make it worse. For realsies. You could try something like How to make friends and influence people; it's a rather obnoxious title for a book but I've heard from numerous people that it helped them in a way most other self-help books don't.

While it's not specifically geared to help with that problem, Prometheus Rising may also have some useful insights into how you can alter your own perception and self-perception for the better.
>> No. 24909 Anonymous
8th May 2017
Monday 2:02 am
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>This is also why I dream about just disappearing -- Not dying, but just ceasing to exist.

Maybe you've got an over-the-top ego, in a spiritual sense, and if you were to find enlightenment, that would annihilate "you" (your false self.)
>> No. 24911 Anonymous
8th May 2017
Monday 2:19 am
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Here's the state of the art of psychotherapy, as I understand it:

The idea of self-esteem is inherently damaging. It teaches us to evaluate ourselves like we're interviewing someone for a job, weighing up our pluses and minuses and deciding if we're worthy. The problem is that the human mind is inherently pessimistic, for vital evolutionary reasons. In our hunter-gatherer past, failing to identify a threat or being rejected by the tribe could easily result in death. The laid-back tribesmen died off, while their paranoid peers lived to pass on their paranoid genes. You'll always come up short against your own standards, because you evolved to be unrealistically harsh and fearful.

The alternative is self-acceptance. You might be weird and meek and aimless, you might not be. Either way, you're basically OK. There are plenty of people in the world who are meek and weird and aimless who still live happy and fulfilled lives. You might want to work towards changing those traits, but beating yourself up about them isn't going to help. Shame and self-loathing isn't very motivating.

If you have a negative thought, you don't have to believe in it, nor do you have to dispute it. You can recognise the thought for what it is - just a thought. It's just some electrical impulses firing in your brain. You can recognise that you're having a thought without taking it seriously. True or false, it's just some stuff that's happening in your brain.

The weird catch-22 is that trying to repress those negative thoughts is entirely counterproductive. It's like someone constantly saying "don't think of a pink elephant, don't think of a pink elephant". Whatever we refuse to think, that's what we'll think. Whatever we refuse to feel, that's what we'll feel. Trying to avoid painful thoughts and feelings only gives them more power. We create vicious cycles in our mind based on fear and avoidance. This is particularly pronounced in anxiety-related disorders, but applies to a broad range of psychological problems.

The latest generation of psychotherapies aren't interested in getting rid of your negative thoughts or feelings, because that rarely works in practice. Instead, they offer tools and techniques for learning to tolerate those negative thoughts and feelings. Instead of trying to suppress those thoughts and feelings, we let them come and go. Instead of living in spite of our negative thoughts and feelings, we live with them. As we learn to tolerate these thoughts and feelings without trying to repress them, they lose all their sting. Paradoxically, our negative thoughts and feelings will start to occur less often, but only because we're willing to tolerate them when they do occur.

This process is accelerated by learning to be mindful of the present moment, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. The source of our misery is rarely about what's happening right now. Learning to focus on the present moment helps us to see that we aren't defined by our history. It helps us to put our worries and fears in perspective.

In recent years, western psychotherapy has been gleefully pillaging and refining Buddhist mindfulness techniques. We've started to separate out the useful practices from the superstitious mumbo-jumbo. It's like the discovery of aspirin - ancient people chewed willow bark to reduce pain, but it took us until the 19th century to figure out the useful molecule. We have approaches to mindfulness that originated in traditional Buddhist practice, but are now supported by clinical evidence.
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>> No. 24912 Anonymous
8th May 2017
Monday 2:36 am
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>> No. 24881 Anonymous
1st May 2017
Monday 11:05 pm
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A friend has a history of alopecia (hair loss) asotiated with work stress. It's beginning to return as she's started a new, more demanding, job. She keeps complaining about the hair loss and sending pictures of its progress.

Its clear she values her work more than her hair, yet she continues to complain and, I guess, feel bad about it.

Should I say this to her? Of course on some level she knows this, but I find it helpful to recognise the simplicity of my problems and how my actions prolong, or even cause, them.
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>> No. 24884 Anonymous
2nd May 2017
Tuesday 6:53 pm
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Seem to me like you are focusing on the symptom and not the cause. Why does her work stress her out that much? She might need counselling on how to put her work problems into perspective.
>> No. 24886 Anonymous
3rd May 2017
Wednesday 12:07 am
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>>24881
>She might need counselling
This.
>> No. 24888 Anonymous
3rd May 2017
Wednesday 2:02 am
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She doesn't strike me as one in need of counsel, but I've been wrong before.
I can't help but feel the only thing worth doing is dis-engaging.
I guess I just don't know her as well as I thought.

I wish I could care, but in all honesty I don't think thats true. There is a niggling pain that I'm potentially disregarding one close to me, but .. what can I actually do? No one seems all that interested in ways of thought I use to 'be happy' (probably because of the way I express them). All I can think is 'these things happen and you can be happy that they can happen'. I don't know, man. Nothing all that bad has happened to me so maybe this philosophy is worth shit. Something inside tells me, though, that even if 'something bad' were to happen the philosophy would reduce it.

So I guess the answer is, beyond counseling, to 'cheer her up' and help take her mind off things. Not to specifically target a problem, but to let it dissolve around other activities.

This should have gone in the Minor angst and existential dread thread.
And looks like it was a vehicle to talk about myself
>> No. 24889 Anonymous
3rd May 2017
Wednesday 10:19 am
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>>24888

I think you misunderstood what I meant by counselling. I don't think she needs a shoulder to cry on. I think she needs to learn coping strategies for stress. Essentially how to deal with problems and adversity without getting stressed about them, and when she does get stressed how to defuse the stress.
>> No. 24891 Anonymous
4th May 2017
Thursday 9:33 pm
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>Its clear she values her work more than her hair, yet she continues to complain and, I guess, feel bad about it.


It's a luxury these days to be able to quit a job in your field simply because it would be too stressful for you. Most people are lucky to be in adequate employment at all.

However, I once quit a job because the grueling workload, unforgiving deadlines and a hardass (female) boss gave me heart palpitations and sleep terrors. That, and an off the charts addiction to caffeine. About two and a half months in, I asked to have a word with my boss, and told her I just wasn't up to the job. She offered to put me in a different position, because she said she had grown to like me as an employee, but I would have made considerably less money than by simply switching jobs in my field and finding work elsewhere. So I quit, but she asked me twice if there would be "no hard feelings". Turned out she had a shred of humanity in her after all.

Anyway, what I am saying is, it's hard to strike a balance between your need for gainful employment and the toll it can take on you. People don't necessarily make a conscious decision to put their work before their own self. They are often left with no choice, however much it will wear on them.

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>> No. 24806 Anonymous
24th April 2017
Monday 1:37 pm
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To start, I am male.

So, I met someone on Tinder last night and lost my Virginity. I thought I would feel good about it, because I've been too nervous to do anything ... But I feel kind of used. And kind of shitty about it.

So I'm talking to a guy who is older than me, he's 32 years old. We had been talking for a week and I really liked him, he is a total top and I'm a total bot, and he seemed like a nice , non-sleazy guy to go to.. He invited me around for a drink and so I went. I was quite nervous beforehand so I had a drink myself ... Which might have been a mistake. Anyway I got there and he was exactly as I hoped , he was charming and cute and things were going well, until a few drinks later , maybe an hour, he started to get so forceful. I kissed him, and that was nice, but he kept forcing my hand onto his cock. Like not gently but quite violently. I didn't really mind, it was quite hot ... And things escalated and reached a point where I was blowing him on his sofa. Anyway he eventually gets very forceful, literally PICKS ME UP, which I fucking hated, and puts me on his bed. I say I don't want to have sex but I'm happy to keep going, and he calls me a tease , starts shouting at me, saying I've wasted his time. I felt quite bad then so I said I'd carry on and see what happens ... So I did, and eventually we start having sex, reluctantly. During sex he is slapping me and not being gentle. I actually cried a little. It hurt like hell, it stung, and I didn't enjoy it at all. I felt like I was guilt tripped into having sex. I feel like I can't trust people any more, if even the nice ones turn out bad. The worst thing is he didn't even use a condom, and came inside me. When he was done I was told to leave. That was the worst experience of my life . And just writing it out makes me feel worse.
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>> No. 24848 Anonymous
28th April 2017
Friday 5:37 pm
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Did you say no? Did he continue? If yes to both of those, then its rape.
>> No. 24849 Anonymous
28th April 2017
Friday 5:41 pm
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>>24848
OP doesn't have to say no for it to be rape. If OP felt pressured or intimidated into having sex - which he quite clearly was - then that is also rape.
>> No. 24853 Anonymous
29th April 2017
Saturday 5:49 am
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If it's any consolation, I am bi and had some dubious experiences when experimenting. Things do get complicated when it comes to submissive desires and the real world, there are some strange folk out there.

Check out your local gum clinic, get that sorted. You need to know the score with your body, make that your number one priority. All gums i've been to have drop ins, research where your local one is and visit. Let us know how you get on with it.
>> No. 24873 Anonymous
30th April 2017
Sunday 11:57 pm
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I'd just like to apologise for a very glib and stupid post I made earlier ITT. It's been removed since then and I won't bother repeating it, but I'd like to say I'm sorry, as I hadn't read any of the thread and have a compulsion to crack wise that frequently leads me to acting like a cock.
>> No. 24874 Anonymous
1st May 2017
Monday 12:05 am
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>>24873
nerd

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