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>> No. 18262 Anonymous ## Mod ##
5th March 2014
Wednesday 8:27 pm
18262 Please check the old pages for similar threads Locked Stickied
before creating a new one.
Failure to do so may result in angry shouting.

>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
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>> No. 29070 Anonymous
11th November 2019
Monday 4:31 pm
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Up the bum, no harm done.
>> No. 29071 Anonymous
11th November 2019
Monday 5:00 pm
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What do you think "evil" is?
>> No. 29072 Anonymous
11th November 2019
Monday 5:00 pm
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I don't know about evil, but it certainly is harmful. I think I have something bookmarked, and I will post it when I get home.
>> No. 29073 Anonymous
11th November 2019
Monday 5:39 pm
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Against 'God', or whatever those feelings are in your heart - guilt, doubt and disapointment mingled with pleasure, freedom and indulgence. Essentially doing what you know (or at least suspect) to be wrong. Continuing to eat dispite a full stomach, staying up way past the time you realised you're tired. I know these are'nt 'evil' in the sense of the term, but it's a dis-service to yourself. Maybe sin is a better word - i don't know.

I fancy that my problem has something to do with a lack of dicipline.

It's just videogames, you know? I've found something that can help me enjoy spending more time alone in my room, just at the time i'm coming to realise staying alone is actually soul destroying and not producing what i want in life.

I need to cut out all the shit in my life that's wasting time - actually build some character and develop a personality. Then anything that happens to come by will be genuine whether it's a cock in the arse or not.

I've been stuck inside for too long - i need to get out for some fresh air. It doesn't address the issue but it definitely cuts back the feedback loop.

That would definitely be appriciated.
>> No. 29075 Anonymous
12th November 2019
Tuesday 12:03 am
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There's nothing evil or sinful about sex itself in that context then. Wasting your time pursuing it at the cost of other things that make you feel fulfilled maybe but from the sound of it computer games are far more "evil" by your meaning of the word than your pursuit of sex is.

>> No. 27047 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 2:03 pm
27047 Where to meet birds
So, I've decided to try and not be that guy, a relationship-less virgin, into my mid-20s, which doesn't leave me with very long. I'm home from uni for the summer and have decided it's time to sort my act out.

The only problem - where to meet women?

I've completed tinder in a 15 mile radius, likewise for Bumble - zero (0) matches. I've messaged pretty much every girl on OKCupid with a match >75%; not one has replied.

What can I do now? The few local schoolfriends I am still in contact with are all male, everyone at my job is male, and all the women I talk to (from uni) are either in a relationship or otherwise not an option.

Going out to clubs doesn't work because a) I don't have anyone to go with, and b) when I try and do anything but stand at the bar drinking in a club (ie dance) I look like a tortoise trying to pilot a motorcycle.

Any ideas?
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>> No. 29063 Anonymous
9th November 2019
Saturday 12:01 pm
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I'm back on the dating sites after a break of many months.

OkCupid doesn't work for me, I get very few matches there. I don't know if they're expecting a really well written bio. I did notice a lot of the same faces from the last time I was there, that feels like a bad sign. The UX is also terrible.

I get some matches on the swiperino apps, but most of them aren't interested enough to have an actual conversation .It should be a bit soul crushing, but I stopped caring quickly. I get more hits on Tinder than on Bumble, but I've only ever met up with women from Bumble. I find them quite addictive, and I doubt that the constant wash of rejection is psychologically healthy. I'm considering paying for one of the boost options, just to see how effective they are.

I've been trying Hinge. I'm having better luck there than on the others. I recommend it to any newlads who aren't having much luck on Tinder.
>> No. 29064 Anonymous
9th November 2019
Saturday 12:41 pm
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>I find them quite addictive

Yep, so do lots of people, including lassies. Part of their business strategy is to subtly encourage time wasters who are basically just there for attention- They'd kill their own business if everyone found a match straight away.

From your perspective you really need to learn to identify those ones. After a while it's not difficult; what is difficult is the willpower nit to waste your time trying to chat them up because you don't have many other matches to work with. The fact you're starting to feel nonplussed and indifferent is a great asset here.

The golden rule still holds true. It's a numbers game- When you find one you click with, you KNOW you click, and it's usually just entirely by accident that you strike up a conversation as if you've known each other for years right at the start. Don't waste your time with those pointless back and forth where you know they're not putting in their fair share of the effort.

Also just gonna come out and say it- Birds are fucking shit at online dating too. They're used to getting all the attention hounded by dozens of men so they rarely put in the effort that's required to find and meet someone they would actually connect with. This self sabotage leads to a vicious cycle. Keep ot in mind when you're dealing with them.
>> No. 29065 Anonymous
9th November 2019
Saturday 12:51 pm
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>Also just gonna come out and say it- Birds are fucking shit at online dating too.

I think this is a lesson that men need to learn, quickly, when they enter the world of dating. Women have just as many problems with the dating scene as men do (both online and offline)- for sure they get more attention off the bat, but not the kind of attention you or I would relish. You need female friends (real ones) to learn and see this first-hand.

Also, when in the online dating scene - you need to know that you're frequently working with a group of people. I'm old and married, which is why the first twenty minutes of meeting with a single, female friend who is online dating, is often spent with me filtering their latest matches (and contributing to how they reply).

I would totally agree that a) its a numbers game and b) don't waste time trying to force it; if someone is an effort to talk to online, they'll most likely be ten times that in real life. Focus on the people you click with, it's obvious when it happens.
>> No. 29066 Anonymous
10th November 2019
Sunday 2:02 pm
29066 OP
Hinge seems more serious from what I've seen. I'll give it a go, but I feel my lack of experience will cripple me.
>> No. 29074 Anonymous
11th November 2019
Monday 7:28 pm
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You have nothing to lose but time and hope.

>> No. 28870 Anonymous
25th August 2019
Sunday 8:26 pm
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Sorry for adding this short fucking novel to the spate of recent /emo/ posts, particularly one with such a similar problem to otherlad, but I’m >>28820 and this problem is at a crossroads.

No excuses for my behaviour, but the story goes:

I started dating Girl A and things were a bit tepid. We had some nice dates but things weren't getting much beyond platonic. After a couple of weeks of not meeting, Girl B happened to move to a nearby town, someone I’d mingled with in the past and wanted to ask out two years earlier, but our jobs separated us before I had the chance. We met to catch up, and I felt a strong attraction. I visited her over a couple of weekends and things really click, we had some nice long discussions about life, and we had sex.

This is where things get bad. During one of my visits, Girl B looks through my phone while I’m taking a shower, finding messages from Girl A. I explain the situation – that things never really came together with Girl A – and while she’s understandably upset, she apologises for looking through my phone. We put it down to bad timing, and admitted that while the distance made things a bit complicated, we agreed a train journey to spend weekends together is a small price to pay and that it was still worth pursuing.

Girl A figured out something is up when our messaging cooled off. She asked me if there’s anything I want to tell her, and I tried to do the honourable thing. I told her about Girl B. She became angry – I replied that I like her but it wasn’t really clear that there was attraction between us. It could be that we’re different in how we express things. She assured me she that the "signs were there", and asks if we can’t “see where things go without any external interference".

If I were a better person I’d have said no… but I didn't, and Girl B then began to open up. We met up and did some outdoorsy activities, had fun, bonded a bit. We started sharing a bit more of our lives. She eventually offered to cook for me at her flat and I stayed the night. This led to my current situation. I see Girl A once or twice a week the evenings, rarely staying over but sometimes having sex, and I take a train to see Girl B and stay with her every other weekend or so.

I do feel immense guilt, and I know in the back of my head that I’m really sabotaging both. Things have been dragging on like this for a while, two or three months. Combined with money troubles and the fact I'm balancing a ludicrous workload (two part time jobs, odds and ends, organising a big career-related move, and full-time study), this has caused a lot of stress. I feel like I'm living a double/triple life. I want a clear conscience without causing unnecessary hurt.

Actually deciding what to do:
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>> No. 28875 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 9:57 am
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Anon, are you the lad that posted in my old thread about the similar position?

If so, good luck, let me know what you do work out. I think there has to be a mythical girl C or D down the line, one thing I've learnt is that it's a mistake to stay with somebody because they're 'acceptable' and nothing else.

This really stings though, and I know what it's like trying to hold on to two boats sailing in different directions.

Good luck, please update us.
>> No. 28876 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 11:23 am
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>I believe it was you that wrote

That was actually the other lad who is facing a similar problem. I posted in that thread asking how things turned out, but didn't want to hijack his thread with my situation.

Otherwise, I assume you read my post and came to these conclusions about me. If so, not confident in what? My ability to meet new people, or in my life situation right now? Giving that some thought... "Dating" in this way is a new game to me, though I seem to be doing alright at it. Meeting and clicking with people for something more lasting, though, that has an element of chance that I find it difficult to cope with. My life right now is challenging, no doubt, but I am pretty certain things will turn out roughly as I want. As a sidenote, the last thing I wanted was to add this shite on top of almost constant pressure elsewhere.

I'm not sure my problem is fear of being alone -- I actually fear being stuck in a bad relationship more, honestly, which is why I'm thinking a lot about the long-term future. I also notice that there's an assumption here that we're all a bit younger than we actually are. For context, I'm in my late twenties and both girls are early to mid-thirties.

If I were to take a look at myself and why I made these bad decisions, I'd say it's a combination of factors. I was in a situation last year where I invested a lot in a girl and things unravelled within a few months. That was a horrible one. Another is my recent flurry of activity has put me in a kind of "take every opportunity, do everything to the best of your ability, hedge your bets" mindset, but I'm aware this is a morally awful thing to apply to other human beings. Another factor is that I genuinely like both and could see some sort of future with either girl.

I'm not asking to be absolved of guilt for my actions so far. I can live with what I've done, as long as I make some effort now to reduce the inevitable hurt someone's going to feel. I can try to be moral now, at least, and make the best of the situation.


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>> No. 28884 Anonymous
28th August 2019
Wednesday 12:40 pm
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Messaging Girl A and urging us to meet to talk...

Even now it's hard to work up the nerve to break up. Not just because I know she'll be hurt and disappointed, but also because I know there's a potential future in there I'll never get to see.

Why is it the moment I'm trying to end it, my mind runs through all the nice moments we've had?

I wish there were some way to continue both relationships without hurting anyone further. But it's easy for me to say from my more comfortable/powerful position. If I were them, I would be very jealous and angry if I knew the truth.

There's also a flipside to me where I almost feel resentful with both, as they both expressed early stage cold feet, anyway. I'm honestly tired of being expected to commit fully to people who are themselves extremely changeable. I know it's just the nature of things...
>> No. 29067 Anonymous
10th November 2019
Sunday 11:28 pm
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If anyone gives a shit how this turned out, the geographically closer but more tepid thing fizzled out. I told her up front that it wasn't working for me. We haven't seen eachother in weeks, and our last fling was months ago. Things were left on a very cold note, and I don't know whether it's worth me trying to salvage a friendship. Maybe it's confirmation bias, but things never really felt right, there.

The more inconvenient but passionate relationship is still going, and though it started with serious issues, I get the sense that this girl sees me as more a part of her life and actually cares for me. The last visits I've been staying longer and I feel like we've reached a new level. This is feeling like a relationship, a fun one.

I think the reason I fucked up like this was really just a fear of emotionally committing to someone who could just call it off at any second. I feel a lot more secure about it, but I have noticed when I start thinking about how things could go south, I start getting the urge to look elsewhere. It can become a crutch, to have other options so you don't have to invest fully in one. But maybe it's worth it, here.
>> No. 29068 Anonymous
11th November 2019
Monday 7:54 am
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Good lad, I did the opposite and I regret it. Basically the exact reverse of yours.

Hope it works for you, if you're both invested enough you'll find a way.

>> No. 29019 Anonymous
21st October 2019
Monday 7:32 pm
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I honestly can't stand it any more.

The internet is breaking my faith in the human species and I need a break from it. Doesn't matter where you go. Chan boards? Infested with alt-right mouthbreathers. Reddit? The opposite brand of people with mind-worms so powerful they think the holodomor was a good thing. Video game sites? Corporate shills and pay-pig knuckle draggers. Obscure nerd hobby forum? Autism so powerful you can't even risk making a joke. Twitter? Let's not even go there, honestly.

Talking to randoms online has always felt like a beneficial exposure to differing ideas and opinions, but nowadays I'm starting to feel like participating in anything resembling the typical modern social media culture simply isn't good for me. Maybe I'm getting old, maybe everyone is just a dickhead, maybe I'm just a dickhead; but I used to be one of the people with ideals and some hope to change the world for the better. Ten years on, the kids have decided what I believe in is outdated, and that I'm pretty much the reincarnation of Hitler for every questioning the new orthodoxies of thought.

I'll be the first to admit I don't exactly have a busy social life in the real world. I'm working on changing that, but there are times I'm not feeling up to it, so I rely on the internet as a crutch. It's those times where I feel incredibly isolated without it, but exposing myself to the widespread toxicity of the internet at large any more is almost certainly unhealthy by this point.

What can I do?
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>> No. 29023 Anonymous
22nd October 2019
Tuesday 7:38 pm
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I've thought the same for a while.
>> No. 29024 Anonymous
22nd October 2019
Tuesday 9:40 pm
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I've been going to church as a Catholic most of my life. Myself and some of the other lads have been getting shitfaced after mass every Sunday. I really look forward to Sundays. Religious people really aren't that religious for the record, and it can be an easy place to make a few pals to drink with mate. Given, I am in central London, so I'm not sure how populated things are in your area. Mass in your area might be a bunch of old people singing Jesus songs.
>> No. 29028 Anonymous
23rd October 2019
Wednesday 5:34 pm
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OP here. I doubt that's really an option for me, considering I'm exactly the sort of person a Christian might assume to be a devil worshipper, and if they were to delve into my creative output over the years might find a considerable body of evidence to support such a claim.

Once, when I worked in a shop, a frightened looking woman gave me a leaflet about salvation after I'd finished serving her. I recall finding it incredibly rude.
>> No. 29030 Anonymous
23rd October 2019
Wednesday 6:25 pm
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I find it's very easy for the chans to sweep me along with poor worldviews and 'reality tunnels'. It's times like those when it helps me to remember the sea is still rolling - moment after moment going in and out for eternity (at least as i could percieve it). Life goes on, those people on the beach aren't the people in my mind - for one i didn't even imagine if they're have hair. It's all too easy to think your ideas exist in the real world, when in reality everything is far to complex for us to get even a momentary grasp of (though it seems the strive to hold it is as important as letting go).

It might take a few days, perhaps longer, but i usually find getting some fresh air helps. Sit at a park side with a mug of tea, listening to the world go by. There's more beauty about this existance than we might usually think. Just need some environmental enrichment.
>> No. 29036 Anonymous
23rd October 2019
Wednesday 8:51 pm
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>What can I do?

Get outside, the internets isn't real.

>> No. 28846 Anonymous
24th August 2019
Saturday 10:06 am
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Has anyone here managed to cure their hard-flaccid?

I'm nearly 40 and I've had this since i was about 12. I think it was caused by bad masturbation technique in which I'd tense up my kegel muscles to achieve quicker orgasm.

Is it too late to cure now?
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>> No. 28865 Anonymous
25th August 2019
Sunday 12:31 am
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I'm younger than you, and it's not the same thing... But I messed up my penis as a teenager and for a good decade it would only get hard in parts/lumps unless I massaged it to help the blood get to the parts it was supposed to go.

My condition eventually got better.
>> No. 28877 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 11:40 am
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Yesterday I bought eggs for the first time in ages and i think it's because of this thread.
>> No. 28879 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 4:21 pm
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Big Egg shilling on .gs, m8. What a world.
>> No. 28880 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 6:57 pm
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Big Egg shelling
>> No. 29014 Anonymous
18th October 2019
Friday 1:16 pm
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>> No. 29003 Anonymous
11th October 2019
Friday 9:26 pm
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I am constantly angry. I think it's a response to stress, anxiety, and sometimes disappointment. I've put in non-stop effort towards some big goals. Very rarely, it pays off, but more often it doesn't.

Recently I've been so run down that I'm starting to get stomach cramps. A few weeks ago, I followed a car around a corner and down the road because it beeped at me at a pedestrian crossing. Honestly I just wanted to throttle the driver. I'm losing my sense of humour. I'm becoming very cold towards others, and I don't feel fit to socialise. Work colleagues have begun asking me if I'm okay. I've picked up an old habit of shouting in the shower, and occasionally when I'm trying to go to sleep.

I do already have physical outlets like exercise, but I have a habit of overdoing it, especially during frustrating periods. I already have minor shoulder and elbow injuries from these last few months. I also don't know if it's a good idea to continue piling on cortisol -- exercise is another form of stress after all.

I feel like I need to recover, and for someone to care. But no one does. This is all private, and people would think I'm crazy or unstable if I bring up how I'm really feeling. People only care about your external performance. And no one cares whether you succeed or fail, or the effort you're putting in. They only care about the finished package.
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>> No. 29007 Anonymous
12th October 2019
Saturday 10:48 pm
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Try boxing.
>> No. 29008 Anonymous
13th October 2019
Sunday 4:07 am
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Boxing to relieve the stress, meditation to relieve the aggression from boxing, a bit of speed to counteract the dosiness from meditating, weed to balance it all out.

Ez pz.
>> No. 29009 Anonymous
13th October 2019
Sunday 4:14 pm
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I feel you.
Sage because this is as much as I can offer.
>> No. 29010 Anonymous
13th October 2019
Sunday 9:23 pm
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You remind me of my father. Numerous times he has chased down fellow drivers because of some percieved slight against him. He once broke a mans nose because that man made an innocent comment to my brother and me as children.

Just recently my father actually sped up into traffic at a junction so he could be angry that someone 'cut him up'. I tried to explain to him that his decision to drive so aggressively caused a rift between him and the passengers of the car and asked 'was it worth it - putting your families life in danger?'. His only responce was an agressive 'I was right'. It seems clear to me that's his only concern - being right. He carries a lifetime of regret on his shoulders; it's like the weight is a stand in for justice, as though carrying such a burden demands respect. It's as though if he can just get those little bits of order it'll justify the rock on his back.

I often wonder what do we actually get angry about? Is it the slight or the disrespect? Have i actually earned respect? Did i show respect while throttling that guy who dis-respected me? Just who actually am I to demand respect of strangers?

I think noone cares about your achievements and efforts, and nor should they - not because they're without value but because they simply don't know. That's why being cut up on the road should mean nothing; they're nameless faceless - just like you. High chances are that you wont recognise them. A strangers insult doesn't have to hurt. They don't even know your name. And this is cause for laughter, if only at the situation.

Unjust expression of anger only prolongs the agony - slamming doors and smashing glasses does not grant relief, you're just adding adrenaline to the equation. As insignificant as it sounds, channel that rage into closing the door gently with exact perpose in turning the knob and catching the latch. If nothing else it'll confuse whoever you're acting for (perhaps even yourself). When you feel the emotion begin to boil, breath calmly and count to ten - close your eyes if you have to.


>I also don't know if it's a good idea to continue piling on cortisol
Could it be roid rage?

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>> No. 29011 Anonymous
14th October 2019
Monday 12:22 pm
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> As insignificant as it sounds, channel that rage into closing the door gently with exact perpose in turning the knob and catching the latch. If nothing else it'll confuse whoever you're acting for (perhaps even yourself). When you feel the emotion begin to boil, breath calmly and count to ten - close your eyes if you have to.

I don't know why this resonates with me.
I only hope I'll remember it once I find myself in another outburst again.

>> No. 29000 Anonymous
6th October 2019
Sunday 3:52 am
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Just about mcfucking had it lads.
I have problems that money can't solve and I've been banging my head against a brick wall for years now.
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>> No. 29001 Anonymous
6th October 2019
Sunday 9:01 am
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You'll need to tell us a little bit more if you want advice.
>> No. 29002 Anonymous
10th October 2019
Thursday 12:40 am
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he's dead

>> No. 28986 Anonymous
30th September 2019
Monday 2:42 pm
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I'm gonna be 40 next year and I'm shitting it. I haven't done anything in life and I'm still living with my parents due to disabilities.

How to cope with mid-life crisis?
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>> No. 28991 Anonymous
1st October 2019
Tuesday 4:06 am
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Arguably the most important concept in Buddhism is "dukkha". The word is impossible to precisely translate into English, but the closest word is probably "dissatisfaction". Pain is dukkha, sickness is dukkha, wanting something we can't have is dukkha, having something and losing it is dukkha, wanting things to change is dukkha, wanting things to stay the same is dukkha.

The goal of Buddhist practice is the cessation of dukkha, which is achieved by following the Noble Eightfold Path. By living a morally virtuous life, gaining insight into the nature of reality and learning to focus the mind through meditation, we can achieve a state of liberation (nirvana).

Traditional Buddhists believe that nirvana allows us to escape the cycle of death and rebirth, while secular Buddhists simply believe that it allows us to achieve true inner peace - no fear, no yearning, no anger, no greed, no pleasure, no pain, just a complete acceptance of reality as it is, not how we would like it to be.

That state of being might seem like it would be terribly flat and meaningless, but really it's the opposite. Think about what it means to completely and unconditionally accept another person. I can't say whether I've ever met an enlightened being, but I have met a few monks who treated me with absolute acceptance; these were undoubtedly the most profound experiences of my life.

This channel is an excellent guide to Buddhist thought, without any waffle or nonsense:

From a religious Buddhist perspective, I can recommend the teachings of Ajahn Brahm and Ajahn Amaro. They're both British blokes who were ordained in the Thai forest tradition, which is a no-nonsense working-class school of Buddhism. They've got loads of talks and guided meditations on YouTube. The robes and chanting are a bit weirdy-beardy, but if you can look past that, there's loads of really useful stuff to learn.
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>> No. 28992 Anonymous
1st October 2019
Tuesday 12:06 pm
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I'd written about this in one of the mid-week/week-end threads. Drank a bit too much one day, woke up on the next one with perfect silence in my head.
Whilst I can't say anything about enlightenment I can vouch that it's pleasant in its own way. I woudn't be remembering that morning so fondly otherwise.

Sage for excessive spirituality, if you catch my drift.
>> No. 28996 Anonymous
1st October 2019
Tuesday 2:19 pm
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The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A.jpg
>got own place
It might be easier than you think to find an affordable bedsit or small flat that can accomodate disability.
Travel will start with a visit to your Mum every week, from there you can step out into town and further a field.
>social life
Perhaps find a church or charity coffee shop. After a while you'll get to recognise some regulars. Just sitting around people can be enough society at times.
Being disabled would mean you're elegible for PIP, right, and housing benefit?
All this time about town will definitely cut into your masturbation habit. You'll start to notice more women, and they'll start to notice you.
Who knows where a voluntry possition at that coffee shop might lead? Perhaps you'll be the best damn sweeper they've seen and be reccomended for a job in Dominoes.

I'm learning not to head-first into things, but dip toe and gently wade into comfortable waters. Sometimes i slip or fall, but footing can be found without panic. A step starts with a single journey, and all that.
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>> No. 28997 Anonymous
1st October 2019
Tuesday 2:52 pm
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Not OP, but this is good advice. If you put yourself into these kinds of situations you'll be suprised how events can precipitate onwards into new experiences. It's not always easy to follow through with it all, but it is certainly worth it when you do. The phrase "the world's your oyster" is more astute than it gets credit for. Be like General Patton's Third US Army: just keep barrelling onwards until you run out of fuel or hit a fortification full of Jerries, then carry on some more.

About time I followed my own damn advice.
>> No. 28998 Anonymous
1st October 2019
Tuesday 3:53 pm
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According to this Vinay Gupta guy, Hinduism sees enlightenment as a fringe activity that isn't for everyone.


He also did some talks on meditation where he mentioned some potential pitfalls to meditating if you have pre-existing mental issues. I found it pretty interesting considering how everyone these days is talking up the benefits of meditation.


> One of the things that will tend to come up in this state of profound nothing-to-be-doneness, this kind of regal indolence, is irritations at an emotional level. Because our lives are filled with incomplete emotional transactions, trauma, or if you’re unlucky, post traumatic stress disorder. There can be an ocean of incomplete emotional stuff. The stuff which can simply be put down are the petty emotions like the murderous desire to have revenge upon the person who has finally succeeded in scuffing your new white shoes. Eventually this will just go away. The hard stuff is the deep emotional trauma. The places where our parents betrayed us. The places when death came into our lives when we were far too young to deal with it. People that we might have accidentally got killed in a car accident if we were profoundly unlucky. All kinds of really bad real-world stuff that leaves us scarred and broken.

> These kind of issues have two levels. There is the primary trauma level where there is still the open wound of the thing that happened, and the secondary trauma level, where our world model gets broken by the fact that this has happened. The primary emotional trauma, meditation is not a great way of dealing with. The primary emotional trauma is best dealt with by therapy and getting a hug or potentially things like MDMA for PTSD. All of those emotional trauma-related workloads have to be worked out somewhere if you’re going to be doing a lot of meditation, because meditation will tend to stimulate them. But meditation is a not a great way of resolving them, because if the emotional injury causes you to feel isolated and alone the best place to work that out is not when you are isolated and alone because you’re meditating. You need secondary and tertiary mechanisms for processing the emotional stuff that will come up. Meditation alone is not enough. It will cause re-traumatisation for things which are isolation-based problems. However, in terms of coming to peace with emotions which you should have felt and choose not to, things you distracted yourself from because you stayed busy, things that you just always blocked out from thinking about, the places where you have to feel things that you already feel and acknowledge the feelings you already have, all of those kind of processes can be done alone on a mat. What can’t be done is the stuff where you’ve become disconnected from humanity because you’re not going to get more connected to humanity on your own. That’s quite important to remember. A lot of people will say that meditation will get everything. I don’t think it will - at least it’s not the short path through everything.

>> No. 28958 Anonymous
20th September 2019
Friday 6:04 pm
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Why is it always me calling my friends for a chat or to come and visit them? Why do they never contact me first? Fell like the relationship is quite one-sided and they don't value it.
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>> No. 28964 Anonymous
21st September 2019
Saturday 8:18 pm
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Someone always says this, but get a sociable hobby. I think that blokes are just a bit crap at being friends, so we inevitably start to drift apart with age. That's massively magnified if you're not a big drinker, because it's just a bit odd for a few blokes in their thirties to meet up for coffee or go shopping or whatever it is that women do of a weekend. We need a reason to actually arse ourselves to go out and see people, whether that's a five-a-side team or a heavy metal band or a model railway club.
>> No. 28965 Anonymous
21st September 2019
Saturday 8:43 pm
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I used to be in a couple of bands, and I only really realised once they both packed in that it was really the only social life I had. I tried to get them out for drinks or whatever a few times afterwards and they usually can't even be arsed to make that effort. I go for the occasional pint with my work colleagues now and that's pretty much it; they're a good set of folks so it could be worse, but I think this is a pretty inevitable part of aging for blokes.

I had to drop one mate pretty much entirely because he'd always flake out and cancel, he tried getting me on a few online games but I wasn't really interested spending my time on his terms if he can't be arsed returning the favour. Doesn't feel good to do though.

I just do things with my other half instead. It's easier and as a bonus I get to fuck her afterwards as well. Hos before bros.
>> No. 28966 Anonymous
21st September 2019
Saturday 9:21 pm
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I stopped talking to my mates because I was too ashamed of what a loser I was/am.
>> No. 28967 Anonymous
21st September 2019
Saturday 9:38 pm
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As >>28962 says
I have nothing new to tell them or want to share with them.
>> No. 28968 Anonymous
21st September 2019
Saturday 10:08 pm
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Well same here, I don't even like talking about myself, but I still message them to see how they're doing because I genuinely care about them.

>> No. 28911 Anonymous
9th September 2019
Monday 4:53 am
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Life could be really beautiful, if not for the combination of being coerced into work on the threat of poverty and having little control over what we really do there.

I feel like I've spent most of my life trying to crack this problem, how to live happily when such a system exists, or how to escape it altogether.

My method so far has been to train and educate myself into better, "freer" forms of employment, and it's worked out to some extent. But I still often feel immense money pressures, and an underlying feeling something is deeply wrong. There's a deep sense of insecurity, of running on a treadmill, one that prevents any kind of true happiness or contentedness.

I've read someone here mention the Buddhist "the glass is already broken" type of mindset, and I understand that not all things are perfect and stable, and why this realisation would help. But this aspect of life is entirely artificial, work and resource allocation don't need to take this form. It's an unnecessary kind of suffering. If we do accept suffering and precariousness, surely it should only be the truly necessary and unavoidable?

Anyway, I feel like I've tried multiple avenues to liberate myself. I've been in higher education and training for years, in an attempt to get into tolerable work, especially the kind of thing where I help others ("Find a job you enjoy doing, and you will never have to work a day in your life"). While I'm grateful to have found semi-fulfilling work, I still feel suffocated. I've looked into frugal living and "financial independence"/FIRE. I've even tentatively tried political activism and collective organisation.

These are all ongoing projects, but I suspect the only way to truly get yourself out of the rat race is to either abandon it entirely, or to own enough capital that you have others make your money for you.

I want to open myself up to different methods, though. How have others navigated this problem?

Even on .gs a post will spring up that poses a novel new solution. The lad doing remote tech support, for example. We also seem to have an improbably high number of wealthy lads, here.
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>> No. 28926 Anonymous
9th September 2019
Monday 9:39 pm
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I'm sure you've watched enough Big Clive videos between you to bodge some kind of matter replicator. Once you've done that we're twelve months at most from being post-resource scarcity, the only issue then might be everyone having too many kids, but we should able to get off the planet quicker once the food and fuel issue it sorted. Actually no, we'd still be dependent on fossil fuels so maybe we're still knackered, but you'd have to check with GreenLad about that, I only really know about wild speculation.
>> No. 28927 Anonymous
9th September 2019
Monday 11:53 pm
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I suppose it would depend on how energy efficient your matter reassembler is. If you can create structures with more potential energy than your matter machine takes to assemble them, you're sorted.

Sage because this is emo.
>> No. 28928 Anonymous
10th September 2019
Tuesday 12:19 am
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>I want to open myself up to different methods, though. How have others navigated this problem?

The people I work with are pretty decent and my job is interesting, varied and valued. Hard days happen but you laugh it off with your mates which, even as an introvert, might be what you're missing. People are social animals defining themselves by those around them - Alasdair MacIntyre and all that.

I dunno, it looks like everyone has their own answer to this which is fair enough. I'm a lazy bastard so it probably helps that I have the expertise to slack off and still manage a decent enough job with the occasional bout of effort when absolutely necessary.

I've also been doing a fair bit of shagging this year.
>> No. 28929 Anonymous
10th September 2019
Tuesday 6:00 pm
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> Appreciating what is good in your life can help you no matter what your station. But let's say, hypothetically, I'm already a highly emotionally developed (for lack of a better term) person, that I am appreciating what happiness there is in my life, but I'm still both extremely ambitious for myself and angry at the injustices that occur as a result of the current system. What then? What if I really am just searching for pragmatic solutions to a real world problem, and I've got the emotional side more or less sorted?

No idea lad, not going to lie.
Just one thing I've just recalled.
A Russian ex-con told me once. He'd been doing porridge for several years and that made him realise how little a human being actually needed for happiness.
'Tea and some sweets', as he'd put it. And not being bothered.

Sage because I'm not really answering your question.
>> No. 28930 Anonymous
10th September 2019
Tuesday 6:42 pm
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Simple, lad- We just invent a matter reassembler that reaassembles all its matter from the raw material of CO2.

Then we sterilise everyone.

>> No. 28675 Anonymous
23rd June 2019
Sunday 1:49 pm
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I keep running up against a wall in my relationships with others, romantic and platonic, and a recent talk with my girlfriend made this clear.

In short: I internalised the fact that I am very much alone in the world from a very young age. A degree of emotional independence might be healthy, but I take it much too far. I struggle with the idea that anyone really has my back or wants to (or even can) support me. I have a lot of confidence in myself, not so much in others.

I could examine every little reason for and aspect of that, but I don't feel like I need to. I think it's a typical story: boy in a shite industrial town, hard-working but depressed parents. Lots of toxic relationships and traumatic experiences. Didn't or couldn't have much faith in the adults around me. Truthfully, for a long time I did not have anyone, so handled it by keeping things to myself. I'm sure this can be pathologised as avoidant personality or disordered attachment or whatever label you like, but that kind of analysis doesn't really interest me much.

The other side of the coin is that I'm also pretty bright, emotionally expressive, and sociable. I have a lot of interests and have mixed with many kinds of people. I like talking to and sharing life with others. I have built a very good life for myself in another location and am loving meeting people here.

The result is that I have a lot of friends and enjoy the companionship, but as soon as something rubs me the wrong way or I feel that people are no longer an "ally", the switch flips and I quite literally feel nothing for them but a very cold sense of distance. The best way I can describe it is anger, but viewed through a telescope.

I sometimes feel as though the same sensitivity and awareness that makes me so good at gabbing and becoming close with people is the exact same sensitivity which will put me on high alert if anyone indicates they might hurt me or let me down.

This understandably upsets and confuses people, especially girls I've become involved with. I really hate this. I hate hurting others. And to be quite honest, it doesn't seem fair to open up and unleash my "issues" on people, even if they want to know and help. Treating friends and partners like therapists is rarely a good idea.

I want to handle this responsibly. I don't see any romance in "damaged but charming" or any other stereotypee. Money is a bit tight for proper therapy right now, and I've found most therapists woefully inept in dealing with young men in particular. I know at least one of you will suggest CBT, and I won't reject it out of hand but it seems like an extremely dry and mechanical process. I have my reservations about it. So, what do I do?
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>> No. 28677 Anonymous
23rd June 2019
Sunday 4:18 pm
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You might want to read up on attachment theory.

>> No. 28895 Anonymous
4th September 2019
Wednesday 5:49 pm
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I feel like I'm becoming cold as fuck.

I haven't seen my girlfriend for three weeks, some friends for four months, and my family for nearly a year. Yet I don't miss any of them, or even really feel their absence. In some cases, I even feel rather grateful for the time apart.
>> No. 28896 Anonymous
4th September 2019
Wednesday 6:16 pm
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Ah shite, a lot of what you lads have said in this thread is ringing true for me and I've recently decided a hermit life is best for me. However, honestly it's great so far and I remember wanting this back when I was a kid, I guess I forgot.
>> No. 28897 Anonymous
4th September 2019
Wednesday 6:51 pm
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I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. My parents were quite emotionally unstable and needy, so I grew up trying to be a sort of parent to my own parents. For many years I didn't like hugging people, because mum only ever hugged me when she needed a hug, never when she thought I needed a hug. My home life wasn't abusive or especially neglectful, but there was always a pallor of gloom and dread hanging over everything.

I grew up treading on eggshells, always trying to reassure and appease my parents, so in my adult life I tend to keep people at a distance to avoid the sheer effort of what I thought intimacy meant. For me, the key insight was realising that healthy relationships can survive some amount of conflict. It's OK to have a disagreement, it's even OK to have a blazing row occasionally, it's OK to vent about my shitty day or get a bit arsey about the state of the kitchen sink. Subconsciously, the fear of being abandoned by my moody and unreliable parents had stifled my ability to express my own emotional needs in adult relationships.

I'm not sure it's something I'll ever "get over", but being consciously aware of this tendency allows me to deal with things in a healthier and more mature way. I still tend to be guarded and keep people at arm's length, I still tend to smooth things over rather than argue things out, but I can remind myself to be a bit more assertive about my own needs, a bit less fearful about being abandoned and a bit more open about my personal experiences.

I can second the recommendation of >>28677 and would also suggest reading up on transactional analysis, which is a practical application of attachment theory.

>> No. 28900 Anonymous
4th September 2019
Wednesday 10:07 pm
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Assuming that in long-term they all die, such self-sufficiency - if that's it - might be beneficial.
Sage because now I slightly feel 'cold as fuck'.
Myself, I surely appreciate the distance and the need to retreat into my shell periodically.

>> No. 28885 Anonymous
1st September 2019
Sunday 6:23 pm
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What do you do when you break up with somebody who trusts you. I feel like I've abandoned somebody quite special. Patient, kind, understanding. And I feel like an ass because now they think they've done something wrong, or they're not good enough. I broke up because I have a fixation with another girl who I've known as a friend for a lot longer, but who I still don't know very well on an individual level. And probably it will come to nothing; she won't like me once she knows me, or I won't like her, and now I've hurt somebody I liked, who also liked me. I think I need somebody to tell me that maybe I made the wrong decision, but it's not fatal; it's not a big deal.
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>> No. 28887 Anonymous
2nd September 2019
Monday 8:35 pm
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If you wanted to pursue other possibilities then ending it is the kindest thing you could have done for her. It sucks but any other decision would have been crueller in the long run.
>> No. 28888 Anonymous
2nd September 2019
Monday 8:54 pm
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Would the same thing happen to the second person?

Are you >>28870?
>> No. 28889 Anonymous
2nd September 2019
Monday 10:45 pm
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Don't listen to this lad.

By doing this you have undermined the foundations and it's always going to be weaker as a result. It's a shame, and sometimes you will make the wrong decision in love. But it's true what they say, there will always be someone else.

It's important to keep in mind that you always want what you can't have- I always lust after my exes. I have to remind myself of all the reasons I left them/they left me. The brain has a habit of leaving out their flaws when you look back in yearning.
>> No. 28890 Anonymous
3rd September 2019
Tuesday 1:42 pm
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I'm afraid i have very little advice to give you OP, but know that I've just suggested a break from my partner, as I too have become somewhat fixated with another (which will likely come to nothing, but I think i'm OK with that).

The problem is though, I've had a couple of breaks with my partner for a few different reasons over the last few years. However, as time passes we both end up very depressed and missing each other dreadfully, and we end up back together. But then, as more time passes I always end up wanting to separate again. It feels like i'm stuck in a bit of a loop, so perhaps now really is the time to move on. I do understand how tough this all is though. It's not a pleasant feeling hurting someone who has been so kind and supportive over the years.
>> No. 28891 Anonymous
3rd September 2019
Tuesday 4:52 pm
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Nah, not me. I will update my thread soonish.

>> No. 28825 Anonymous
21st August 2019
Wednesday 7:19 pm
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Following my grandfathers death at the age of 81, I've been feeling remarkably low.

I am 'only' 27, however since his funeral I've been near-constantly considering my life. The inevitability of pain and death. I've been thinking how short it is really, and how I'm *twenty seven* years through it already. I feel like I'm old, like my life will pass me by in no time. This inevitability scares me, it depresses me, it makes me question how everybody on earth can seemingly just "get on with it" without lamenting these things. I don't know what to do, I feel fucking terrible. One day I will see people I love dearly die, or perhaps I'll die first. I can't enjoy my life any more. I feel sick to the stomach.

I wasn't particularly close to my grandfather, we were somewhat estranged. News of his death didn't immediately hit me. But I've felt like this following the funeral. I'm hoping the obvious cause of these feelings mean they have an expiry on them. This was the first relative of mine I've known to pass.
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>> No. 28829 Anonymous
22nd August 2019
Thursday 4:44 am
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What you described in your second paragraph is entirely normal for someone who has just been made to face their own mortality properly for the first time.

Everybody dies. We all know this, but until that moment we don't fully appreciate it. That feeling will linger, and it'll come back at other funerals, but rarely will it be as intense as that first time. In the short term, it'll probably pass before too long. As the saying goes, this too shall pass.
>> No. 28830 Anonymous
22nd August 2019
Thursday 6:44 pm
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I don't know what else to say other than that I've felt similar feelings but not as strongly after losing loved ones. You're a human being and grief is natural.

If he didn't mean anything to you, you wouldn't be hurting. I think there is some comfort to that. You were blessed to have that person in your life.

Stay strong, m8.
>> No. 28839 Anonymous
23rd August 2019
Friday 7:17 pm
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Thanks lads. Never felt worse though. Can't get out of bed. If I do, I start to get some strange de realization thing. This seems to hit me in waves. I want to drink my way out of this, but won't. Please, if any one has had anything similar. How did you fix this? I have this obsession with death. Me dying.
>> No. 28842 Anonymous
24th August 2019
Saturday 12:17 am
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My grandad died when I was six. He was pretty young, maybe in his early sixties. Smoked like a chimney though, upwards of 60 a day. Not a surprise in the end.

I don't remember feeling much at the time, I was probably too young to have really understood. However I think having such an early experience of death and mortality has left an impression on me. I had several other elderly relatives die before I was even a teenager. The realisation that humans are remarkably short lived, in the greater scheme of things, has been with me since I was very young.

If anything I've always felt slightly guilty that I don't experience what most people do when a relative passes away. I don't grieve like you are supposed to and I feel bad for being such a cold hearted psychopath. So if anything, OP, be glad that you have those feelings. They are there for a reason, and almost everyone goes through it. It fades with time and it's something everyone has to learn from to truly appreciate the time they are alive.
>> No. 28878 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 4:11 pm
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> I feel like I'm old, like my life will pass me by in no time.
The thing is, time does indeed go faster as I age, even if it's just perception.

I've been there. My ma died a few years ago. I think as if it was just about two years ago; nope, almost four already.
I didn't fix it. Was too busy with the meatspace stuff that accompanies the funeral and the aftermath. Didn't get my chance to hide somewhere and let it all pass through and out.
I wish I did. Repressing it didn't work, it just manifested in erratic behaviour, me not being me of sorts. A bit hysterical and overly excited at times (not my traits at all).

Perhaps drinking it out is not such a bad idea as it might seem at first. I'm not sure.

I can only console you with the banality that it gets easier with time. Or as one undertaker put it, 'Think what how you'd feel in two years'. Even if such thought feels like a blasphemy now.

Years before about the only thing I'd loathe to think about is my mother dying. Then it happened and I weathered it quite better than I would have expected to.
Interesting enough, .gs were there for me too.
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