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Subject   (reply to 24806)
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>> No. 24806 Anonymous
24th April 2017
Monday 1:37 pm
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To start, I am male.

So, I met someone on Tinder last night and lost my Virginity. I thought I would feel good about it, because I've been too nervous to do anything ... But I feel kind of used. And kind of shitty about it.

So I'm talking to a guy who is older than me, he's 32 years old. We had been talking for a week and I really liked him, he is a total top and I'm a total bot, and he seemed like a nice , non-sleazy guy to go to.. He invited me around for a drink and so I went. I was quite nervous beforehand so I had a drink myself ... Which might have been a mistake. Anyway I got there and he was exactly as I hoped , he was charming and cute and things were going well, until a few drinks later , maybe an hour, he started to get so forceful. I kissed him, and that was nice, but he kept forcing my hand onto his cock. Like not gently but quite violently. I didn't really mind, it was quite hot ... And things escalated and reached a point where I was blowing him on his sofa. Anyway he eventually gets very forceful, literally PICKS ME UP, which I fucking hated, and puts me on his bed. I say I don't want to have sex but I'm happy to keep going, and he calls me a tease , starts shouting at me, saying I've wasted his time. I felt quite bad then so I said I'd carry on and see what happens ... So I did, and eventually we start having sex, reluctantly. During sex he is slapping me and not being gentle. I actually cried a little. It hurt like hell, it stung, and I didn't enjoy it at all. I felt like I was guilt tripped into having sex. I feel like I can't trust people any more, if even the nice ones turn out bad. The worst thing is he didn't even use a condom, and came inside me. When he was done I was told to leave. That was the worst experience of my life . And just writing it out makes me feel worse.
Expand all images.
>> No. 24807 Anonymous
24th April 2017
Monday 1:45 pm
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That all sounds pretty rapey.
>> No. 24808 Anonymous
24th April 2017
Monday 1:56 pm
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That's because it's rape.

OP, you need to talk to a professional about this. Get in touch with your local sexual assault referral centre at the link below. They'll make sure you're properly looked after.

>> No. 24810 Anonymous
24th April 2017
Monday 1:59 pm
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You poor guy. I think you are still processing what has happened and you feel conflicted, there were elements of the night you liked, and you are trying to reconcile that with the elements that sicken you. You obviously feel betrayed and I think the best you can do is try not take this to heart. You were inexperienced and lacked the confidence to be assertive and they took advantage of you. This skirts very close to the borders of date rape. Without knowing the exact details I couldn't say if it was, the line between reluctant consent and duress is very fine.

I don't know how you want to deal with this moving forwards but I think it is best if you don't let it get on top of you and define you. Treat it as a cautionary tale, and try start afresh with someone who there is a more equal balance of power, at least until your confidence returns. This was a really shitty first sexual experiance.
>> No. 24811 Anonymous
24th April 2017
Monday 2:05 pm
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Call the police. Report him, give them as much details as you can.
The bastard.
>> No. 24812 Anonymous
24th April 2017
Monday 2:21 pm
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OP here I don't think it's rape, because I knew the whole time what was happening, I didn't say "no", and he forced me. I just sort of went along with it. It wasn't anything physical he did. Plus I wouldn't want to get into all of that fuss . It's iusy way way too problematic. I just want to forget it, but I'm afraid it will affect me in the future. It took a long time to accept who I am and to try and live my life and enjoy it. I think this is a step back.
>> No. 24813 Anonymous
24th April 2017
Monday 2:40 pm
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It was definitely rape. You don't have to report it to the police if you don't want to. If you don't want it to affect you in the future, you need to get the right support. Make the call and talk to people who can help you.
>> No. 24814 Anonymous
24th April 2017
Monday 2:43 pm
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You have been the victim of a rape.
>> No. 24815 Anonymous
24th April 2017
Monday 2:48 pm
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Ok I'm really struggling to process this in a sensible way. I feel sick. I don't want to go to the police, I am certain of that. I am trying to think of a 3 stage plan that I can follow. I like plans. I want to go to sarc, but I know I'm afraid to do so because it validates the idea I've been raped. I'm also afraid they will contact the police, or have it on a record of some sort. I think I'm going to 1) Delete Tinder and vow never to go on things like that again , 2) research into sarc 3) get tested for STDs... Wow I did not expect I would ever, ever ever be writing out things like this. I was so afraid, for so long, and rightly so it seems.
>> No. 24816 Anonymous
24th April 2017
Monday 3:12 pm
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Go to sarc, they'll have to be discrete and I find it highly unlikely they'll do anything with the police if you don't want them to. It's not as though they can file a report against your will. They'll hopefully be able to provide you with the help you need to get over it and not be totally put off trusting other human beings.
>> No. 24817 Anonymous
24th April 2017
Monday 3:22 pm
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> I don't want to go to the police, I am certain of that.

Stay certain of that if you are genuinely sure of your opinion. Don't let other people convince you that you were raped if you believe otherwise.

You made a choice and are regretting it now. You explored and found something you didn't like. You do not have to identify with what you found. It happened, you have learned or will learn.

My advice to you, OP, is to get off of britfa.gs and other communities that will sway your opinion, and your memory, while you're impressionable. Let your emotions settle and assess from there.
>> No. 24818 Anonymous
24th April 2017
Monday 5:12 pm
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SARC services are 100% confidential. You don't even have to give your name. They absolutely will not contact the police unless you specifically ask them to. Their sole job is to look after you.
>> No. 24820 Anonymous
24th April 2017
Monday 6:35 pm
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That's really good to hear. I want to be able to talk to someone 1 on 1, no groups at all. I don't want letters or anything mailed to my house. Fingers crossed. I'm ringing them tomorrow. The animal btw is just really cute .
>> No. 24821 Anonymous
24th April 2017
Monday 7:36 pm
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It's no wonder you feel somewhat used- You essentially allowed yourself to be raped. As you have said, it wasn't rape, because you didn't try to stop him- But you allowed something to happen that was, for want of a better word, rape. It's not a nice thing to go through and you're feeling the after effects.

The guy doing it probably didn't suspect too much how deeply you were against it- After all, the gay community is pretty kinky and fetishy, and it can be hard to tell the difference between a subby twink and a genuinely inexperienced new lad. So try not to dwell too hard on his intentions, or feel like you've been purposely victimised- he probably didn't intend to hurt you.

The fact you didn't try and stop him, despite the fact you didn't enjoy it, is the thing you really want to think about. He sounds like the kind of guy who would have carried on even if you did try to stop things (making it actual rape), and I would be worried about getting yourself into that kind of situation again.

He sounds like he was a proper cunt, and I hope the experience helps you to avoid other such people in future. You want to take things a bit slower; and as a rule, any man who tries to guilt trip you into sex, isn't worth having sex with. Just nip it in the bud if they even try it.

Not all people are bastards, but a lot of men, even gay men, are. Be more cautious of people, but don't turn into a misanthrope.
>> No. 24822 Anonymous
25th April 2017
Tuesday 2:01 am
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OP, I'm not really able to help but it will take you some time to recover from the trauma so do your best to look after yourself and do things to support yourself (eat well, drink enough water, get outside). Importantly go and get the support that you want, need, and are entitled too.
>> No. 24823 Anonymous
25th April 2017
Tuesday 2:57 am
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I have nothing to add but my commiserations, OP - horrible thing to go through. Chin up, face the world. You can get through this.
>> No. 24824 Anonymous
25th April 2017
Tuesday 1:00 pm
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The worst part is when he told me to leave he handed me a £10 note. When I think back on that now it really really hurts. It feels like a calculated insult. I didn't even register it at the time. It makes me feel completely worthless. I've rang people today. But I'm slowly facing the reality of what happened and my world is crumbling. I feel so desperate for help. For a time machine. I have no one I know personally to talk to this about in real life. Not friends or family. I think I deserved this. Why else would he hand me a note? I want to be that fox animal. I had nightmares last night , I feel on edge. I've also contacted a clinic. That worries me too.
>> No. 24825 Anonymous
25th April 2017
Tuesday 1:23 pm
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That's pretty fucked up. Is there a way to report his tinder account? Hopefully the people at the clinic will be able to help you deal with it emotionally, or at least point you to people who will.
>> No. 24826 Anonymous
25th April 2017
Tuesday 1:24 pm
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I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. Please remember this doesn't make you any less the person you were before, this was the transgression of the other person.

As another person has said, it may be worth thinking about why you felt obligated to continue, and what you can do to protect yourself from that kind of coercion in the future.

However learning to protect yourself does not mean the original act was your fault. The responsibility is his, he did wrong. I'm truly sorry you have to bear the emotional brunt of someone else's behaviour, but from the tone of your post I believe you're capable of handling this. The sooner you seek out support the better. There are people who understand.
>> No. 24827 Anonymous
25th April 2017
Tuesday 2:23 pm
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>As another person has said, it may be worth thinking about why you felt obligated to continue,

Honestly I was scared to stop. I felt intimidated by his previous shouting and him calling me a tease. He was also much bigger than me, and had shown I was not much to deal with already... while he didnt actually break any laws by hitting me or anything, I felt scared that he would. I will protect myself by just not meeting people like that from online ever again. I'm seeking support now and I'm terrified but hopeful, that it can be resolved.
>> No. 24828 Anonymous
25th April 2017
Tuesday 7:36 pm
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Oh lad. We are all with you. You're going to get through this.
>> No. 24829 Anonymous
25th April 2017
Tuesday 10:02 pm
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Good on you mate. Hope you get the support you need. All the best - you'll get through.
>> No. 24830 Anonymous
26th April 2017
Wednesday 6:36 am
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Bill Cosby liked handing people money after he raped them too.

>> No. 24831 Anonymous
26th April 2017
Wednesday 7:40 am
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Has no-one else noticed this fucking terrible post? It starts with "you allowed yourself to be raped", as if there is such a thing, and gets worse from there.
>> No. 24832 Anonymous
26th April 2017
Wednesday 8:58 am
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I know. He's here all week, apparently.
>> No. 24833 Anonymous
26th April 2017
Wednesday 12:52 pm
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I'm not going to remove it now but if you want to explain in further detail then that may help OP.
>> No. 24834 Anonymous
26th April 2017
Wednesday 1:13 pm
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OP said himself he doesn't think it was rape, why not respect that instead of trying to convince him that something even worse has happened to him. You're disregarding his human agency.
>> No. 24835 Anonymous
26th April 2017
Wednesday 2:38 pm
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You can just say "agency", I assume most posters are human until proven otherwise.
>> No. 24836 Anonymous
26th April 2017
Wednesday 2:38 pm
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Yeah because OP blames himself for not being assertive enough, which is an attitude common in victims of rape and doesn't need you or anyone else's encouragement.
>> No. 24837 Anonymous
26th April 2017
Wednesday 2:48 pm
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You're entitled to your own opinion. You're not entitled to your own facts. It doesn't really matter what you or the OP think. Being forced to take a dick you didn't want is, in fact, rape - end of story. OP can't put it behind him by being in denial about what it actually was.
>> No. 24838 Anonymous
26th April 2017
Wednesday 5:30 pm
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>You're not entitled to your own facts

The irony of that statement is clearly lost on you.

Only OP knows exactly what happened, but to me It's like that time the guy from 02 blagged me into getting a phone I didn't want. I learned the lesson for next time at least, but I allowed him to talk me into it even though I knew I didn't want it.
>> No. 24839 Anonymous
26th April 2017
Wednesday 6:30 pm
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What happened to OP meets the definition of rape in English law. You can disagree, but you'd be objectively wrong. Please go away.
>> No. 24840 Anonymous
26th April 2017
Wednesday 6:56 pm
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I know it must feel like it sometimes, but a phone on O2 is not actually the same thing as a getting a cock up your bum.
>> No. 24848 Anonymous
28th April 2017
Friday 5:37 pm
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Did you say no? Did he continue? If yes to both of those, then its rape.
>> No. 24849 Anonymous
28th April 2017
Friday 5:41 pm
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OP doesn't have to say no for it to be rape. If OP felt pressured or intimidated into having sex - which he quite clearly was - then that is also rape.
>> No. 24853 Anonymous
29th April 2017
Saturday 5:49 am
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If it's any consolation, I am bi and had some dubious experiences when experimenting. Things do get complicated when it comes to submissive desires and the real world, there are some strange folk out there.

Check out your local gum clinic, get that sorted. You need to know the score with your body, make that your number one priority. All gums i've been to have drop ins, research where your local one is and visit. Let us know how you get on with it.
>> No. 24873 Anonymous
30th April 2017
Sunday 11:57 pm
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I'd just like to apologise for a very glib and stupid post I made earlier ITT. It's been removed since then and I won't bother repeating it, but I'd like to say I'm sorry, as I hadn't read any of the thread and have a compulsion to crack wise that frequently leads me to acting like a cock.
>> No. 24874 Anonymous
1st May 2017
Monday 12:05 am
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