|>>|| No. 25506
I'm a boring cunt.
I mean, this really hit me when a drunk girl shouted it at me in a club, but it's true.
I like graphic design of the 1960s and road signs. The sort of music I listen to involves polite headbanging and absolutely no dancing.
I go to societies at university to escape the crippling loneliness I feel most of the time, and any time they hold a night out I force myself to go, but I can't dance. I just freeze up; I end up stood there leaning against a wall or a pole or whatever (with my earplugs in, I struggle to hear anything when the volume is too loud, it's just like static). People will grab my arms, etc, trying to get me to dance, but I can't. I wish I could, but I can't.
I don't even like drinking any more; I used to get quite drunk on the regular but it doesn't make me any more interesting, it just amplifies the negative thoughts inside my head, and makes me feel physically like shit too -- I used to be hangover-proof but as I'm discovering that fades very quickly with age.
I tried some of the devil's lettuce (in a jurisdiction where it is legal), and I suppose like with any mood altering substance you need to be in the right frame of mind to start with or it won't end well -- it didn't, I hated it. I felt out of control and just panicked.
Is there any way out of this? Finding friends with similar interests is difficult, and the few that I do find are like me: largely dull.
What can I do? How do I force myself to enjoy dancing, going out, etc? I don't want to be the boring cunt any longer.