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>> No. 25548 Anonymous
8th September 2017
Friday 10:56 am
25548 Clearing up shit.
Sorry to bother you lads about this, but I was wondering if anybody who has recovered from long term depression has two cents to throw into my hat.

I've visited my Dad for the first time in 6 years, and in a nutshell, he's in a fucking state.

Drinking 20 to 25 pints a day every day, chain smoking, and his flat is fucking crammed. He's hoarded a ton of shit. He was always big on recycling and looking after the environment, but this is ridiculous. There are over 37 empty washed jars of coffee above one cupboard alone.

He's hit a spiral of depression ever since he split with my mother. And I'm starting to pity the man, he's got a heart of gold but he's terrible with addiction.

I'm staying at his place for a week, and I intend to clear his place up best I can before I leave. Any recommendations on how I can encourage him to help himself a bit more, or how I can shift all of this gear in a safe way. Any strategies that help hoarders or alcoholics would be very useful.

I appreciate any help gents.
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>> No. 25549 Anonymous
8th September 2017
Friday 11:06 am
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He needs a constructive focus for his energies, there is a gap in his life by the absence of your mother, he hasn't filled, find him a hobby. And get him to set himself constructive goals.

How ready is he to move on? How long has it been? Maybe go about setting him up a dating site profile, to get him moving forward.
>> No. 25551 Anonymous
8th September 2017
Friday 11:50 am
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>He's hit a spiral of depression ever since he split with my mother.

That can really throw a man out of his orbit. After decades of marriage, it can really mess you up if your partner suddenly or not so suddenly leaves you. One of my dad's friends had the same thing happen to him, and it turned him into a fucking mess. He also lost the house and his kids moved in with their mum, and he had to start life from zero again, aged 47.

He also had a bout of alcoholism, but he eventually came around again when his boss threatened to fire him if he was going to come to work inebriated one more time. He sobered up and even met a new partner.

Your dad probably needs a wakeup call. Something that will show him quite clearly on what kind of a self-destructive path he is. Unfortunately, alcoholism clouds your judgement quite intensely, so it might really take a bit of a shock to make your dad see what he is doing to himself.

But he really needs you being there for him now, first and foremost. He needs to know that somebody still cares about him. You're doing a good thing by staying with him. That alone can make a huge difference and make him realise that his life isn't as pointless as he may feel it is.
>> No. 25586 Anonymous
9th September 2017
Saturday 9:12 pm
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Apologies for being blunt, but there's fuck all point setting him up on a dating website right now if he really is currently drinking 25 pints a day; worst case, he finds someone with similar intake, they enable each others' addiction, and he moves from a toxic situation into a toxic relationship, which is even worse. As it is, you need to understand that it's going to take quite a bit of time and incredible effort on his part to taper down from that amount to being able to sleep regularly without any alcohol at all. Reducing consumption rapidly (over the course of a few days) would be dangerous, stopping outright would be life-threatening, especially if he's already physically unfit, as older blokes tend to be.

You're doing the right thing by staying with him, but at some point as >>25551 mentions he is going to need some catalyst, some wake-up call, to get him to change his ways. Even if we knew more of the particulars of your situation it'd still be difficult to advise what shape that should take, mainly because the drive to recover has got to come from him.
>> No. 25590 Anonymous
9th September 2017
Saturday 11:08 pm
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Christ. I don't necessarily have any advice to give but yeah, you'll want to do something soon because with that level of daily drug intake he'll kill himself before long.
>> No. 25608 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 2:30 pm
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Although I hadn't responded earlier, I've kept a close eye to the advice you gentlemen have given. Thank you, it's greatly appreciated.

>>25549
I mentioned having grand kids over a few pints on the first day, told him he better not be dead by the time they come. His face lit up as I mentioned grand kids. That and the mention of my intent of playing the violin, he used to play all the time, busking, at home, after and before shifts. He has a shit telly that cuts out audio frequently, having read your comment, I made him a deal that I'll buy him a new telly if he teaches me some Bach on the violin. Caught him tuning it back up a few times. Thanks for the suggestion, I hope he's rediscovered the rabbit hole.

>>25551
Thank you for the information mate, insightful.

While cleaning up stuff in my Dad's flat he told me that I've been a bit of a wake up call. He's been neglectent to have me around for some time dodging calls and ignoring people. after mentioning that I'm coming regardless of his permission, he started moving a bit.

After 6 month period of alcohol induced insomnia, he ended up losing his job of 8 years. I've been with him to create a new CV, and hes looking to work in a new field. Things appear to be on the up, let's hope he sees it through. Thanks again.

>>25586
No need to apologies, I like straight talkers. Thanks for the advice, we're taking it into effect. He's currently on 7 cans a day, we're going to get it down to 5 a day. We started at 15 and it has been less than a week. Once at 5 a day, we're going to shut down one day a week, then two and so on. The effect on his body has been brutal turmoil, hope it gets easier. Thank you for the response.

>>25590
That's my biggest concern, he appears and claims to be working on it, but I can't be sure that it's going to stick when I'm gone.
While away I'll be phoning him daily to see how he's getting on.

An area of concern is the social life he's built, he frequents several pubs and he's a recognised character. Drinking in these pubs is the current highlight of his life. Plenty of lads call him "The balancer" because he diffuses fights and arguments.

I'm not sure how easy it will be for him to quit the habit while spending time in the place that supplies him.

__________
Thanks again for the helps guys. This has been a hell of a learning experience. I appreciate any input. The human condition is crazy complex.
>> No. 25623 Anonymous
13th September 2017
Wednesday 7:05 pm
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>>25608
It is a learning experience - you get to a certain point in your life when your eyes are opened up about who your parents actually are. Good luck lad.

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