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>> No. 25754 Anonymous
22nd October 2017
Sunday 6:51 pm
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I realise I find it extremely difficult to accept praise, but any criticism no matter how thoughtless cuts extremely deep.

Why am I so skeptical of the nice things that people say, in just about any context? And why do the harsh or disrespectful interactions stay in my mind?

Occasionally I will feel good when someone I care about or admire praises me. On the other hand a stupid joke made by a stranger, or a comment from someone I barely know, has a far greater emotional impact.

It could be to do with my general beliefs about social relationships. I believe we generally become more compassionate with people we take the time to know, so subconsciously I'm often on guard against the more cruel side people show when they can get away with it. Expecting something can make it that much worse when it happens. The same belief would lead me to undervalue genuine praise from people who matter, precisely because they're closer (more likely to 'just be nice').

Could this also be to do with my general self-esteem, and how I've structured my self-worth?

Could it also be a general human thing, where our sensitivity to loss or threat is much greater than our appreciation of what's gained (as in 'loss aversion')?
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>> No. 25755 Anonymous
22nd October 2017
Sunday 7:00 pm
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What a shit post this is, of all the posts confessing an inability to take criticism this is the worst I've ever seen...

Just kidding best beloved.

Let me ask, do you find yourself dwelling on criticism? Do you think about it for a long time? Do you suffer with intrusive thoughts?
>> No. 25756 Anonymous
22nd October 2017
Sunday 7:06 pm
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I do dwell on criticism. I like to think I'm parsing whether the criticism has any basis, but the truth is I give it far more thought than the person who originally offered it.

I'm also very self-criticial, for what it's worth.

Yes, I do suffer from intrusive thoughts.
>> No. 25757 Anonymous
22nd October 2017
Sunday 7:27 pm
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There are a lot of things that I suspect are at work but overall it's pretty normal to feel this way. I'll list a couple and you can see what I mean:

Yes, the brain is hardwired towards noticing your faults and it is why people whose jobs involve isolated travel end up depressed. You can test this yourself by first listing all the negative things about yourself and then try writing an equal list of positive attributes - the positive will be much harder if not impossible. We can assume you're not actually an awful person just that the perspective and standards you set for yourself are unduly harsh.

Secondly, it is again natural for you to assume that others act as part of a convoluted plot (while you merely react), there is a pretty solid IR theory that this led to the Sino-Indian War if you want to see things getting massively out of hand. Obviously when you catch yourself thinking like this it is important to remember that people are just winging it through life and actual plots are quite rare - you are not, after all, the main character in other peoples lives.

At the heart of it though it sounds like you have some self-confidence issues that you could start to resolve by thinking back to some of these compliments and taking them at face value. Even when someone is giving harsh criticism it helps to remember that to simply be noticed and for someone to take the time to criticise contains a sliver of respect - as Dale Carnegie says "nobody ever kicks a dead dog".
>> No. 25758 Anonymous
22nd October 2017
Sunday 7:35 pm
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>it is why people whose jobs involve isolated travel end up depressed.
I don't follow.
>there is a pretty solid IR theory that this led to the Sino-Indian War if you want to see things getting massively out of hand
A what and a what?

(not OP)
>> No. 25759 Anonymous
22nd October 2017
Sunday 7:45 pm
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>I don't follow.

If you're trapped with your own thoughts for long periods of time you end up dwelling on all the bad things about yourself. The mind loves to play back memories of that really embarrassing thing you did that one time.

>A what and a what?

I don't see what you're stuck on. Both sides saw the others actions as part of a plot and there own as merely justified reactions in a pattern of escalation. I bring it up because people like real world examples to remember things.
>> No. 25760 Anonymous
22nd October 2017
Sunday 10:16 pm
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There's loads of useful stuff in this thread:


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