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>> No. 25761 Anonymous
27th October 2017
Friday 11:11 pm
25761 Father issues
Fairly sure this is for /emo/. Please only shout reasonably angrily if it is not.

I have never known nor seen my father. As a child I can only assume I asked my mother on very rare and sporadic occasions about him, with no conviction. As a young man I now wonder, and have done for while admittedly, what it would be like to meet him.

Can any lads who have had experiences of meeting their fathers for the first time during adulthood provide any advice?

P.S. I'm not 'totally fucked up man cos my dad left me innit'.
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>> No. 25762 Anonymous
28th October 2017
Saturday 12:30 pm
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I have done this exact same thing a few years ago. It's something I regret and don't at the same time. I'm now 34 and did this 5 years ago when I had the means and money to pay for a PI to find him. He did, and then I found him on facebook. See there were many times in my life that I questioned who I was and where I can from. He isn't a nice person, spent a lot of time in prison for gun, robbery, ABH and mostly violent offenses. He has said to me that it was the best thing he has ever done for me by leaving, wasn't sure how to take that, I have 4 kids of my own now and I wouldn't leave them. He has wormed his way back into my mother's life just after I told him I wanted to see him. Not soon after he was making demands that he wanted to take the kids away for the weekend and what not. It had confused me and still does, as to why he thought that was a good idea. I have had arguments with him about stupid shit. and for my 30th be brought me a spy pen, seriously wtf.
Ultimately OP it's up to you how you react to him he may be like mine and a complete fucking waste of time and scum. he did answer the question I had from childhood.
>> No. 25763 Anonymous
28th October 2017
Saturday 3:15 pm
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Sorry to derail the thread but how would you describe your experience of finding and using a respectable private investigator? My missus wants to find her long-time absentee dad who moved but has been harassing her mother through a psychological campaign of stalking without much luck from the police.
>> No. 25764 Anonymous
28th October 2017
Saturday 3:32 pm
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I have been in the same boat OP. A couple of years back, I was cleaning my mum's house and found a couple of letters with my Dad's name on it. I Googled him and found his Facebook and a local newspaper article on him. He was a violent guy obviously. I found out where he lived and stalked him a for a couple of weekends. Followed him to his bank, park, library, shopping, friends house, etc. I also acted like I was buying a house on the street, and asked one of his neighbours about the neighbourhood. She was an old woman who seemed lonely, so she invited me in for a tea and a good chat. Turns out he is old and a drunkard now. Has been homeless for a bit. He is on bennies and probably has a drug habit. He even got done for drink driving, etc. He also has another son who visits him every now and again. So it seems I have a half brother. I left it at that and just left him alone.

Maybe you are different to me OP, but I generally don't like being sociable, but I do like knowing everything I can. Some people look for things like closure and reasons, etc. I really don't care since it won't change anything. I would stalk my half-brother if I get a chance but he does live a bit further out, so I will see what that turns up in the future (maybe next summer).
>> No. 25766 Anonymous
28th October 2017
Saturday 5:53 pm
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>>25763 I just looked up one and paid him. like 50% upfront and the rest on delivery. maybe you could check the electoral register if you need to find him? If you know his name and details then some judicious googling might be in order.
>> No. 25767 Anonymous
29th October 2017
Sunday 9:20 am
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See, I find your story strangely unsympathetic because you really went out of your way to track someone down who did not want to be found, who had actively decided that you would be better off without him in your life. As a father yourself can you imagine the kind of self-awareness that would make a man distance himself from a child like that? Or are you only thinking about this in one direction? We're only human. Your dad knew he's not the best person in the world. You hired a PI to track him down and judge him a second time for a lifetime pennance he had already self imposed.

Food for thought though OPlad. Just think about why exactly you want to find him, what kind of hole do you imagine it will fill? On a logical level you must be well aware that it's more than likely only going to be a let down? He's just the bloke he donated some spank to your mam. He could be a junkie or he could be a millionaire, but by this point he'll never be your dad. Sorry.
>> No. 25769 Anonymous
29th October 2017
Sunday 9:42 am
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That's somewhat apparent in hindsight but it could easily have been very different.
>> No. 25770 Anonymous
29th October 2017
Sunday 3:11 pm
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So you were banking on him being a millionaire?
>> No. 25771 Anonymous
29th October 2017
Sunday 4:26 pm
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My sister has some significant baggage regarding her absent father, but I've never really understood it. What's it actually like? Would you enlighten me?
>> No. 25805 Anonymous
19th November 2017
Sunday 10:47 pm
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OP here. Thanks for the replies lads. Your posts have been illuminating. I've not gotten any contact info, but my mother has told me a few stories and helped as she can. Currently debating whether it's worth it or not. I'll probably do this for some time.

generally don't like being sociable, but I do like knowing everything I can

This very much like me. I'm not looking for anything specific, I just have the overriding need to know. Hopefully if I ever do choose to pursue him he won't turn out to be a scrotum.


It was baggage for me as a teen and does still bother me from time to time. Not terribly, for example, some cunt putting their feet on the bus seat would quickly bother me more. I think the morals attached to the issue (and my issue at hand) get at me more than anything else, especially when I habitually exhibit traits that I find distasteful in others. I find it infinitely curious and frustrating that a man could abandon his son and never try to make contact with him. I'm a coward sometimes, so I won't claim that 'I would never abandon my children like my father did me' but if I ever did I know that I would just HAVE to find about them and speak with them at some point.

I'm unsure if gender is a factor (pretty sure the differences are small, if existant). My sister had a lot of baggage/issues with her dad being absent. Difference was he was in a few pictures my mum kept and got back in touch with my sister as of seven-ish years ago.

I'm sure it's different for other people, but that's my take on it mate.

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