Manifesto
Take your tired memes, your oh so witty jokes about some fucking war, our dodgy dental hygiene or wanton female drunkenness and kindly stick them as far up your arse as they will go. We have great teeth and our women are just friendly.
We are the final bosses of the English language and may alarm you with our propensity for good diction, polite behaviour and gentlemanly conduct whilst quietly rinsing your internets and calling you a cunt. If we suck so much, how come you're not speaking German? How come your language is ours? Whatever you think of or do to our tiny, damp, slightly mouldy country in the arse end of Europa, like a troublesome mole we'll never go away. Preserved in alcohol, we will prevail. You all so desperately wish to be one of us.
"fags" is not an insulting word in our language, it pertains to cigarettes, the smoking of which is a polluting, carbon-positive activity illegal anywhere in the United Kingdom. Neither is "faggots", it pertains to a wholesome dish of reconstituted pork products in gravy. We don't care for your pathetic, inaccurate and homophobic insults - it is you that is wrong. On no account operate heavy or complex machinery whilst considering our linguistic greatness. Step away from the keyboard, your submission is inevitable.
All your word belong to us.
Welcome to a new world order.
We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause you.