>>256

The phrase "benefit thief" has been created in order to make the perpetrators look like villains, rather than hard up and sometimes desperate individuals. Rather than being a "cheat" or even a "fraud", they're "thieves", because this sounds far more evil.

The reality of dole payments is that they're woefully small in the real world, and that there's no way anybody can live on £7.27 a day for any length of time, especially if they ever want to escape the dole cycle. Demonising people who try to make their lives a little less state-dependent is counter intuitive, and the paradoxical ramblings of uninformed tardsters who hate both benefit scroungers and people who supplement their benefits with paid labour aren't worth listening to.

There needs to be a system whereby Job Seekers Allowance, and indeed other benefits, "top up" an income. JSA should be able to supplement a very low paid income, rather than there being an either-or decision. Without "cheating" the system, there's no incentive for somebody on JSA to do a day of paid work a week, because they'd get less money than on JSA and they'd forfeit the free money they get from the jobcentre.

>>257

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/dec/05/letters-welfare

Sorry.

Signed on again today, ironically having won £50 on a scratchcard moments earlier in Asda. I essentially earned £100.95 today, which isn't bad at all.

>>264

>won money on a scratchcard
>earned

Yeah, okay mate.

Also,
>buying a scratchcard
Please don't make me post reactionimage.jpg

>>258
Just because it's public funds you're stealing from it doesn't make you any less of a thief.

I take your point about people supplementing their JSA with cash-in-hand being desperate. But there are reasons why it's illegal, and it's to do with accountibility. No tax, no protection.

And if someone is doing this, it means they are willing to work and able to find work - so what's stopping them from applying for one of the hundreds of jobs plastered on the walls of the job centre they walk through every week? Even doing two hours a day on the minimum wage will get you more than the dole.

>>251

It's not foolproof, but as a rule of thumb it works.

Learning Spanish makes more sense than learning Welsh or Māori for example.

But if you're going to learn a language I'd recommend Latin or Ancient Greek, it will make you look a lot more intelligent and better educated.

And it helps you hang out with a certain class of people - Oxbridge, Mensa, ect - If you know when to laugh when they start telling jokes in Latin.

>>252

Why would you want to hang out with them?

>>260

Well if you're a cunt, you would.

Based purely on numbers, Punjabi would be the best. Though I'd go for Mandarin, Japanese, German to a lesser extent. We are lucky really, we don't need to bother at all.

>>252
I wouldn't want to fucking look educated, I'd want to be educated. To that end, not being an Oxbridge arsemaster, I wouldn't waste my time learning a dead tongue unless I was going for a career where it would be a prerequisite i.e. archaeology. I'd want to learn French or Spanish or Chinese or any number of other languages that have significantly more practical use in today's world for obvious reasons.

>>206

Thank you for your kind comments on our water hardness discussion.

>>213

I was once asked in an interview (for some menial office job) how they got the shells onto Smarties. Never having heard of these sorts of interview questions, I was unsure what exactly was going on, and thought possibly it wasn't part of the interview, and perhaps my prospective boss just wanted to know and thought I looked liked the sort of man who held the answer. Nonetheless I gave it a go, saying that I assumed they did it by spraying something at the chocolate in a rotating drum of some kind, like a gem polisher. He said 'huh.' and continued with the interview. Every other question was nothing but stuff about my employment history, what I could bring to the role etc etc.

I got the job. I'd like to think it was solely because of my knowledge of sweet manufacturing, but I have no idea what the correct answer to that question is, or if anyone outside of Nestlé even knows it.

>>213
How do they get those toilets inside those rolls?

>>248

I really want to know how they do that now.

I'll see what Google can find. brb

>>249
>>248

I always used to wonder how they got the fish into fish fingers. I say always - I never had fish fingers much when I was little, apart from at friends' houses, so I probably wondered it twice.

>>204

True. I used to have a 90, which I used to great effect carrying little bits of the R4V£ scene around the Home Counties. I met some wonderful people, encountered some phenomenal chemicals and earned a small fare for every journey, but I was just seventeen back then.

I've become rather attached to my heated leather seats and wooden picnic tables. The back seats fold down to create plenty of space, and it has plenty of grunt for towing.

>>198

Sort of. I haven't encountered their newest creation up close, but it looks quite pleasant. Not sure I'd have it in white like the adverts. A white 4x4 will quickly become a brown 4x4.

>>179
Hey OP let's do it together, we'll be men with ven.

>>208

I like it. I really, really like it.

>>208

That sounds horrible sexual.

>>212

You're telling me...

>>148
Shit, totally forgot about that, but what sort of time period would you deem acceptable to send a follow up email/letter?

>>149
I'm going to give a few protips here. Although it largely depends on the field of work.

Letters will get filed in the bin, never to be seen again and e-mails will be deleted. Use the phone for follow-ups. For initial contact, e-mails are favoured.

Having watched (and been part of) the selection process, you have about 3 seconds to impress, so say something good at the beginning. Examples that we scoffed at recently involve: 'Dear X, I am unemployed' and 'The following letter outlines my skills and suitability for the position.' Not a good way to start a letter.

Bother your arse to find out the bosses name. Letters addressed to 'Dear Sir/Madam' show you are a lazy bum who doesn't really care about working for that particular company.

Tailor each letter to each company. Write about one aspect of their product/service/ethos you like, suggest some ideas, mention a recent development/piece of news that is relevant to them. It shows you really do want to work there.

If there is a job advert and you're not applying on spec, reference everything they ask for somewhere in the letter in some way.

Judge the situation, if you can make an employer laugh, you almost instantly go into the maybe pile.

Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>150
You sir, are a genius.

But:

>Judge the situation, if you can make an employer laugh, you almost instantly go into the maybe pile.

Is this a good thing? I heard it was a big no-no to be the comedian.

>>180
Thanks.

That's why I said to judge the situation. My line of work needs a sense of humour, (though I think nearly every job does) and it makes you stand out from the rest of the boring fuckos.

It's about knowing how to be funny without using shitty puns or writing the equivalent of HAHA I'M FUNNY! I used to end all of my covering letters with "blah blah, love to work here cause I'm awesome. I also make a great cup of tea". Just something little and silly y'know?

As long as you've obviously taken the time to tailor your letter (and CV in some cases) to the job, it stands out immediately and shows you actually want to work there, rather than it just being another job vacancy that you're applying for.

People don't realise how important this can be, but you can spot copypasta a mile off.

Though I can only really go off my own personal experiences. Another employer might be different. Another we had a giggle at the other day was "I think I am a good designer". OH DEAR.

>>181

Thanks for the help, used occasional subtle humour during the interveiw and got the place :P. Although it was only for an apprenticeship, your advice definatley helped. Alot! Thanks!

Go travelling and do some volunteer/development work whilst you are there. You won't get paid, but it looks good on a CV and if done right can be the experience of a lifetime. If you want to live in the Himalayas for a while I've got loads of contacts.

Also well done.

>>135

>If you want to live in the Himalayas for a while I've got loads of contacts.

Not OP, but tell me more.

>>137

I lived in McLeod Ganj/Dharamsala for half a year and did various volutary stuff, like teaching English and helping a charity with some fundraising and marketing. Due to the nature of the community and being there a while I made excellent contacts.

McLeod is also an excellent base for excursions to other parts of the Himalayas and Northern India in general.

India is also pretty cheap.

>>138 Not OP again but very interested. How can I contact these volunteer organisations ?

>>223 I mean the particular ones you worked for.

Be warned, the English form and the Chinese form often say very different things, and it's only the Chinese form that is binding in courts...

>>51 Courts ? In English teaching, if you have a problem, you either put up with it or get out. Thankfully, this will usually leave your employer up shit creek so gives you some leverage.

Asian contracts are never as-written. For anyone, not just foreigners. The trick is to know how flexible you should be. Not an easy call.

>>37

If you're the bloke I was talking to about this earlier (Thaibrit here) then disregard what I said about needing a degree, the people I work will take you if you haven't got one but you'll be classified as a volunteer teacher (you'll still get paid the same though). I think you'll probably find other companies do the same thing. The is their site, drop them an email and see what they say:

http://www.funlanguage.co.th/

Having said that, Thailands not a great place to be an English teacher, the pay is shit and you get ripped off all over the place. Look at S.Korea instead, you get your airfares paid for free accomodation and the salaries are twice as much as they are here.

>>189 SKorea Brit here. South Korea absolutely will not give a teaching work visa to anyone who doesn't have a degree. You'd have to be illegal if you came here, and that's no fun anymore. Check out eslcafe.com for jobs around the world, some of which may not need a degree. Don't read the forums though because it's full of whingers.

http://www.havefunteaching.co.uk/

I don't know how good these people are, but they pay for accommodation and travel, and give you between £500 and £1000 a month.

If your CV isn't so stuffed full of lies there's barely any room for truth in there then you are at a massive disadvantage. At least half the other people applying for any given job will have filled it out with complete bollocks, from made up qualifications to made up employment histories.

Fill the gap with just total lies.

>>96
>gap of at least 6 months

that week you spent in benidorm(or didn't), could turn into a cultural tour of europe, or trekking through the jungles of borneo, that neatly last 6 months.

>>96

I told the interviewer that I was working on something of personal interest and had plenty of money and I wanted to take my time choosing something i wanted. It was both true and it worked. I think that in retrospect, as long as it is reasonable and you can explain it, then i think that's ok.

I am a bit late but anyway.
One way to fill a gap in employment history is to say you have worked for a employer that has recently gone bankrupt.

blag it

i had a 2 year gap between employment
during interview when it was brought up i said i was doing agency work here and there, they took my word for it

>>163

How exactly did you get the job if you have no idea what to do/find out how to do it?

>>166

Nepotism?

My first day I just sat at my desk listening to the phone ring in the office next door because I didn't have a clue.

Unfortunately the person who I had to learn everything from i.e. my boss was a miserable cow. Or maybe she just wasn't getting any. Either way I never enjoyed myself when she was in.

>>166

Friend of a friend. Never again.

>>175

When in doubt, google it.. Just say you are checking something..

>>119
omg nva sin dat b4

>>106 Did you do the tea pot dance at the interview? Or are you asserting your authority?

>>131
I didn't.

As it happens, I didn't start that job, as I got offered a far more awesome and fun position with more money, more authority and more holiday. Good times.

>>132 What new job is this?

>>124
Seconded.

>>124
And you're nowhere near as witty as you think you are.

Become a washer-upper. All restaurants need a washer-upper, normally a team of two or more. All you do is wash up, normally with a pressure hose and a commercial dishwasher.

The hours fly by. Because of the nature of washing up (you do it when people have finished their meal) the bulk of the work starts at around eight.

>>126
I thought it was funny.

>>127
I hadn't thought of that, cheers.

>what better time than to start a new career?
Immediately after leaving university.

Those are the minimums, hence they will not accept you if you fail them. Those times are easy to achieve for a sedentary person within 2 months max.

To them, if you can't be disciplined to run 5 days a week for 30mins+ then you won't cut it in the army and shows a lack of commitment.

It depends on whether or not they need you.

If you're joining the army, you're a body. I hear that as long as you "give it your best shot" and don't get a ridiculous time in the army, you're in. By "best shot" I mean as long as you don't start walking half way around the course and finish somewhere around the 15 minute mark.

For the navy, I'm not really sure. I think they're top-heavy, so you might have more luck enlisting than commissioning.

Remember this is only the pre-joining test. Once they get you in the training course for a few months, you'll easily be able to beat the minimum run times.

If you want to prepare, do push-ups, pull-ups and learn to swim. The swimming test isn't that hard, it's 2 minutes treading water and 1 olympic length in your clothes.

Oh, and I hope you like pork. Do you like pork? If not, learn to like pork.

(I'd say go air force, they don't really do anything. If you get in a fixed wing, I doubt you'll be shot down unless we go to war with America or something.)

>>76
Or 'boss'.

>>63

You'll be addressed as Miss/Mrs whether you like it or not, you self-important cunt. I'm not taking your petulant whims into account when I address you.

Protip: no one cares about you enough to pay to attention to which honorific you prefer. Now GTFO and do some knitting or something. Typical bint behaviour.

>>81

Have you worked in customer service for long?

>>81

Oh faggles. I work in customer service too - the difference is that I'm actually good at my job. ;3

>>88

It always ends with such obnoxious trolling. The fate of all threads.

>>45
Well that's sort of what they want, but if they do ask you for specific stories, make sure it's a good one with some tangible results. i.e. 'I did X and increased Y by Z.'

I'm guessing you'll be taking a portfolio with you too? I find these are great to take some of the pressure off. My line of work requires a portfolio, and it's nice to be able to refer to that, point stuff out and actually show them what you've done instead of looking like you're making up some bullshit story.

>>50
there is a portfolio of my work, and it will be with me on my laptop. shirts ironed, jeans pressed, boots brushed. found my cufflinks... here goes nothing. cheers for the advice guys.

>>57
Good luck, mister! If it helps, I have one tomorrow too (but not with Apple)

>>58
over - fucking - qualified. :(

>>68

I got that recently as well... shit sucks