britfags - job

740

http://ceevee.com/

739

[/job/src/128042387623.png]

What do you think of my CV, /job/?

738

>>736

Like a robo-cat. They used the modern tubes though.

737

>>736
I posted too soon, should have added:

in before 'haters gonna hate'

736

>>734
http://www.youtube.com/v/gM-GZHLPNyU

735

>>734

>putting them on cats legs

Thank you for that, you wonderful person, you.

734

>>711
They were probably changed BECAUSE people were putting them on cats legs.

733

>>686
>6) When nobody's looking, bring the DVD across and have your friend bag it. Don't let it touch the floor but try and make it look like you're not holding it. Easier than it seems.

What?

732

>>730

Ah, then let me re-answer your questions mate.

>5 - Have you ever given a shot of every spirit on the bar, topped it with coke in a higball glass and used it to 'Nuke' a barmaid?

No, not at work anyway. But I've done it at parties to people, where I was practically standing in as "make us a cocktail lad".

>6 - Have you ever Nuked a customer?

I've had to double take on some requests before. Some fella asked for two doubles of Jack Daniels, in a pint glass, topped with coke. I asked if he was sure then served him it. An hour later, after his second one of these, the doormen had to carry him out for grabbing someones wifes arse.

>8 - Have you ever Nuked a dog?

Can't say I've got a dog pissed, but my pet dog has a habit of bolting it over to any spilt beer and lapping it up. Would never willingly pour him it like!

731

>>708

Well I think it went well, didn't convince anyone to buy any Blu Ray players or games consoles, but I was complimented on the way I approached certain customers.

Most of the time I was just like "Is there anything in particular you were looking for?"

Apart from 3 occasions everybody was just like "nah m8 just browsing init"

730

>>728

I think Nuke means 'get them completely utterly fucked up in one go.'

For instance, some guy gave me half a pint of something and wouldn't tell me what it was, and I downed it. The nexy morning, ten minutes later, I found out that it was Everclear.

728

>>631

Forgot all about this thread, sorry!

>1 - Your favorite cocktail (not involving vodka) -

Not involving vodka? Blimey. Not a big cocktail drinker and usually only drink white russians if I have too, but a fun one to make/drink is a cement mixer.

>2 - How you make it?

Two parts lime cordial, one part baileys, one part tia maria/coffee liquour.

>3 - Why are most pub cocktails made with horrible cheap stuff such as Smirnoff and Gordons, and why are the mixes often wrong?

Smirnoffs, Gordons, Bacardi, etc are common, mainstream spirits. They're cheap and easily purchasable. Means less spent by the pub, the better. Also, alot of older drinks are very conservative/small-minded about their booze. They'll refuse to touch vodka unless its the big advert-spamming Smirnoff. Or refuse to touch a beer unless its the world-renowned Budweiser...

>4 - Why do big butch men say they don't want a girly drink then buy a pint of larger, a type of beer specifically designed for women to drink?

Because big butch men are usually, coke-snorting funboys. Still grasping onto their youth and well, with the youth of today, cider, lager with lemonade tops and alcopops are "fashionable" (heavens forbird this be true for the rest of us) so they'll drink those.

>5 - Have you ever given a shot of every spirit on the bar, topped it with coke in a higball glass and used it to 'Nuke' a barmaid?

No and what do you mean "nuking". Are you talking about the act of spiking someone with a strong drink or swilling them/throwing the drink at them...

>6 - Have you ever Nuked a customer?

Again, would need "Nuke" elaborated, but, I've thrown a pint of soda water at a customer once. Also thrown -back- (keyword: BACK) an ashtray at a customer.

>7 - Have you ever draind the empties into a tub only to see the dog lap the lot up?

No, we top up the people we don't like, pints with it when we're pouring them. Waste is our loss. Most of our customers are scumbags anyway.

>8 - Have you ever Nuked a dog?

Once chased a dog out of the gents once.

721

>>717
Also, I'll samefag my own post as I managed to tolerate it for long enough to actually read what you're saying.

Your personal statement at the top is really wanky. Remove it. Just tell me what you've done, and what you know about, not what you perceive the benefits of a Network Technician are. Just the facts, man. Don't try and "sell" in that way. It treats your audience like an idiot. I already know what Network Technicians do.

Present the CV as your Key Skills section, Work Experience, Education, Personal Interests/References bit - in that order. Lose every single bit of that formatting.

tl;dr: Your skills and experience are actually okay, the way you are presenting yourself is truly awful. My mind boggles too. I might actually keep that version of your CV as an example of how not to do it - it really is that bad.

_{If it helps you actually take on board what I'm saying, I am twenty years ahead of you in experience, do a very similar job and earn more than 100k per year doing it}

717

>>680
>as opposed to mine which has boxes and a thick black line down the middle.
>nice timeline
>It's all pretty

Sounds fucking awful to me.

Do not use boxes or formatting or lines on your CV. This is not an opportunity for you to show off your use of Word or proficiency in desktop publishing or graphic design - you're probably shit at it. I have written software for recruitment firms that parses CVs (extraneous formatting means those systems can't read your CV) and therefore have seen literally thousands and thousands of CVs. I have also hired people on behalf of other firms including large banks (extraneous formatting almost always looks cack and unprofessional) and my own firms.

Use text, paragraphs and no other formatting. The most you can use is some bold or italics (to denote the company names or organisations you have studied/worked at, nothing else). Plain font. If you need to use distractions or formatting such as this, then I'm going to think something is wrong with you. Just use text. Describe what you have done, when you did it and if you're trying to get a job in IT, you can summarise (using a simple comma separated line of words) the packages or systems you have used in that job/place.

Overuse of formatting is a very common mistake. They go straight in the bin every time. CVs are a dry business document and they have a fairly standard format.

_{ps I just looked at your CV on docs.google.com - that is dia-fucking-bolical. One of the worst CVs I have ever seen. Forgive my brutal honesty, but you need to be told. Based on that layout there is no way on earth I would interview you. I'm sure you're a great network technician but your graphic design skills suck. Put the work experience section before education, too.}

713

>>691

Personally, I think that you should tell your connexions man to fuck off.

Also

>I'm also currently developing a social network based around music bringing together artists and their fan bases.

Tell me more.