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>> No. 13594 Anonymous
3rd August 2020
Monday 11:33 pm
13594 Seasonal produce
I've hit the jackpot lads.

The nice fella at the cornershop has informed me that one of his mates is a shopper for a number of restaurants in my county, and every day at the crack of dawn he goes to the enormous veggie market and sources their ingredients. He's branching out and taking requests from individuals so from now, two or three times a week I can leave an order for veg at the shop and pick it up the next day. All farm fresh, restaurant quality stuff, and the range is basically ''anything I want" since it's a big market.

This lad apparently knows all about seasonality but I wanted to get some specific recommendations here from you lot, especially since most of you seem to be vegetarian anyway. Given my situation, what would you order? Price no object but I'm not shelling out for truffles. I was thinking wild mushrooms, squash, baby carrots and some fresh tarragon for starters but I'm not clued up on what's best right now. Any help appreciated, I might even post you an onion or two.
1 post omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 13596 Anonymous
5th August 2020
Wednesday 2:51 pm
13596 spacer
Thought this thread would get more traction tbh. I went with:

Baby carrots
Asparagus
Squash
Wild mushrooms
Blackberries
Samphire
Tarragon
New potatoes
Swiss Chard
Baby tomatoes (any colour)

I forgot rocket when I wrote the list, sadly.
>> No. 13618 Anonymous
15th August 2020
Saturday 2:32 pm
13618 spacer
>>13596
Has he delivered yet? Bring us pictures.
>> No. 13620 Anonymous
15th August 2020
Saturday 2:58 pm
13620 spacer
>>13618
He's taking his time. I actually dreamed about it last night because I'm such a saddo and he'd neglected the fancier items. Hope that isn't foreshadowing.
>> No. 13621 Anonymous
15th August 2020
Saturday 3:04 pm
13621 spacer
>>13620

Nothing wrong with dreaming about good things, Lad. I need a good excuse myself to stop dreaming about different ways to turn my pelvis into mist.
>> No. 13622 Anonymous
15th August 2020
Saturday 3:07 pm
13622 spacer
>>13621
>>13620

I mean, good things like you getting everything you ordered, that is.

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>> No. 13545 Anonymous
23rd July 2020
Thursday 4:55 pm
13545 spacer
tfw quitting caffeine and going through withdrawal
3 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 13550 Anonymous
23rd July 2020
Thursday 7:13 pm
13550 spacer
>>13548


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkD6q1nGXjY
>> No. 13552 Anonymous
23rd July 2020
Thursday 7:21 pm
13552 spacer
>>13549
Is that strictly true? I mean if you're smashing ten cups a day I get it. But I have one cup of coffee in the morning that does feel like it wakes me up a bit, as well as initiating the morning shit.

I mean caffeine is a stimulant, surely it has some effect in terms of perking you up and whatnot. I get that if you're chucking tons down your neck it will end up being a means to feeling normal, but surely downing a stimulant in the morning will also actually wake you up a bit?
>> No. 13568 Anonymous
30th July 2020
Thursday 11:16 am
13568 spacer
I've been off the caffeine for a week now and I've been getting constipated and doing rock hard shits. Anyone else having this?
>> No. 13569 Anonymous
30th July 2020
Thursday 1:00 pm
13569 spacer
>>13552
Seems to ring true for me, coffee stopped perking me up years ago and it will keep me awake/mobile for the day at a push but only if I have lots of it, and then it's not a good kind of awake because I feel absolutely rubbish. Switching to having a cup of tea instead of coffee has been miles better for me, personally, and I've cut down on coffee loads now, though I'll still have one every so often for the taste. Definitely feel better for it.

>>13568
Thinking about it I did actually go through a period of constipation after cutting down significantly so maybe that's just what happens, but it should pass.
>> No. 13570 Anonymous
30th July 2020
Thursday 1:11 pm
13570 spacer
"That post has been cleared as not requiring any deletion."

Standards are slipping.

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>> No. 13555 Anonymous
24th July 2020
Friday 2:11 pm
13555 spacer
How do I jazz up my vegetarian scotch eggs?

At the moment I'm wrapping a boiled egg in Sosmix before covering it in breadcrumbs. They're nice freshly cooked but a little bland and in need of a bit of a kick. I was thinking of potentially something like adding red pesto or mustard to the mixture. Other recipes I've seen suggest blitzing Linda McCartney sausages in a food processor instead.
3 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 13559 Anonymous
24th July 2020
Friday 4:28 pm
13559 spacer
>>13558

Chinese cultural invasion. We are less likely to embargo them like we should if they provide us with things we like.
>> No. 13560 Anonymous
24th July 2020
Friday 6:19 pm
13560 spacer
>>13558

Dunno m8, I've been banging on about MSG for years. Maybe people are finally starting to realise that it's fucking delicious.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Umami
>> No. 13561 Anonymous
24th July 2020
Friday 7:49 pm
13561 spacer
>>13560
Who needs to learn to cook when you can just add literal flavour?
>> No. 13562 Anonymous
24th July 2020
Friday 8:03 pm
13562 spacer
>>13558
Mostly better science I think.
People are better educated about the origin of the idea of chinese food syndrome, which was basically an anonymous letter published in a magazine, at a time when there was a bit of a fad for people making up fake illnesses and trying to get stories about them published.
Plus the continuing lack of double-blind trials which show any plausible effect.
Theories of why MSG can affect people revolves around it being a neurotransmitter, but your body already makes its own glutamate and it's probably not possible to eat enough of it to have a noticeable difference to the amount of it that gets through the blood-brain-barrier.

Also most people have now wised up to the fact that while they didn't like the idea of MSG being added to their food, they've quite happily been eating huge quantities of "yeast extract" forever.
>> No. 13563 Anonymous
25th July 2020
Saturday 1:14 am
13563 spacer
>>13555
The Linda McCartney sausages can be very good - I think the Red Onion and Rosemary ones are the best. I sometimes defrost them and use them for meatballs in pasta sauce, too, so I think they might have the right consistency for scotch eggs.

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>> No. 13533 Anonymous
21st July 2020
Tuesday 10:42 pm
13533 Tea for sleeping
I know there are a lot of new age/hippy sites with woo science around the drinking of tea from certain plants/combination of plants, but have any of you ever experienced a better night's sleep from having camomile, passion flower, or otherwise marked/branded tea that's supposed to help with sleep?

I've had periods where camomile sends me off in no time, other times where something with valerian root in it gives me an ease to sleeplessness, others where nothing works at all. There must be some sort of science behind it, something behind them being folk remedies taken on by people who type everything up in Papyrus. Don't get me wrong, I'll drink owt hot and proven potable and palatable, are there any particular hot brews that any of you lot swear by for a good night's kip?
6 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 13540 Anonymous
22nd July 2020
Wednesday 10:50 am
13540 spacer
>>13538
>ask your doctor for a mirtazapine prescription.

Just come off that as I was developing paranoia, which I had hitherto never experienced nor wish to ever again. The best thing about being on it though was being unconscious or extremely tired about half an hour after taking one, ideal for sleeping, and indeed the endless appetite which I used to monster through biscuits with.

>>13538

Incidentally, I have tried making tea with passion flower and it seemed to work, even though the flavour's certainly not something to write home about. I got a loose bag from a Polski sklep for a couple of quid when online retailers were actively taking the piss charging £5 for 20 bags while telling me about its supposed benefits in Papyrus.
>> No. 13541 Anonymous
22nd July 2020
Wednesday 12:00 pm
13541 spacer
>>13539

It's just a regulatory quirk. The FDA have a fairly loose definition of "food supplement", so a lot of stuff that would be a medicine in the EU is available over the counter in the US.
>> No. 13542 Anonymous
22nd July 2020
Wednesday 1:31 pm
13542 spacer
To be honest, anything active in chamomile, passion flower etc is not effective enough to be worth talking about (St Johns Wort is an exception, as mentioned). Generally if you're struggling with insomnia, the answer isn't to add another thing that causes sleep, it's to address what's causing the trouble sleeping.

With that said, kratom is still available online in the UK, from UK-based sellers. The Police apparently can't be fucked to arrest them, but I wouldn't count on that state of affairs continuing forever. I did not find it helped with sleep, quite the opposite.

Avoid anything with caffeine in the evenings, the advice is six+ hours before sleep.

Similarly, avoid sources of sugar (despite their marketing, Ovaltine and Horlicks are objectively a bad idea before bed) or anything else high in calories. Chocolate is doubly bad as it contains a reasonable amount of caffeine too. Eat early in the evening, don't have big meals before bed.

If you absolutely, 100%, life-or-death must sleep (for instance, at the end of three days awake, when your sleeplessness-induced paranoia and self-loathing is at "cruel and unusual human rights violation" levels), try Doxylamine Succinate. It's legal, though god knows I only need half of a 25mg pill to knock me right the fuck out. I probably don't need to warn not to use it every night, because you'll wake up feeling like you're emerging from the bleary mists of a coma.
>> No. 13543 Anonymous
23rd July 2020
Thursday 9:42 am
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>>13542
I find myself nodding off pretty easily if I eat loads of pasta or chips before going to bed. Weight gain isn't particularly a problem for me as I've always been a skinny whelp and I'm jumping about most of the day anyway.
>> No. 13546 Anonymous
23rd July 2020
Thursday 5:41 pm
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>>13543
Food is energy, so eating directly before bed is a bad idea.

If you sleep well regardless, then no worries. If you don't, though, moving meal times to early evening is probably a good idea.

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>> No. 13474 Anonymous
27th June 2020
Saturday 5:41 pm
13474 spacer
After watching this I can no longer enjoy pizza as a food. It really is a shit food for children and when made properly a slice or two is only a lunchtime item comparable to a sandwich.


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>> No. 13490 Anonymous
29th June 2020
Monday 4:18 pm
13490 spacer
>>13488

That's not a pizza. It's not even a quesadilla.
>> No. 13491 Anonymous
30th June 2020
Tuesday 12:19 am
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>>13474
>After watching this I can no longer enjoy pizza as a food.
The internet is going to be a dangerous place for you if you're that easily convinced by ranty videos.
>> No. 13492 Anonymous
30th June 2020
Tuesday 6:34 pm
13492 spacer
>>13487
>>13488

This has got me thinking about what delicious atrocities I can commit with a peshwari naan, a splat of jalfrezi, crumbed paneer and some blobs of saag.
>> No. 13493 Anonymous
30th June 2020
Tuesday 6:42 pm
13493 spacer
>>13492
I don't know lad but when you do, post the results.
>> No. 13494 Anonymous
1st July 2020
Wednesday 2:55 pm
13494 spacer
You just don't know what good pizza is.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jy3uREg7v_o

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>> No. 13435 Anonymous
23rd June 2020
Tuesday 10:57 am
13435 Restaurants
Do restaurants matter? Are they really any good? Obviously many of them are doomed post-lockdown and will likely become whatever follows the vape shop as the highstreet fad by this time next year. But other than the people they employ do people really like them? Really? Really... ?
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>> No. 13454 Anonymous
23rd June 2020
Tuesday 5:18 pm
13454 spacer
>>13453

>Also, if your cinema is selling popcorn, it's likely some shitty chain like Showcase or Cineworld so I can see why you would rather watch TV.

Absolutely mental take. Even the arthouse cinemas I've been to do popcorn.
>> No. 13455 Anonymous
23rd June 2020
Tuesday 5:47 pm
13455 spacer
>>13447
>>13448
>What's with those restaurants that have tables right next to each other?

I've never understood how people are okay with this either and will actively avoid restaurants that do this. The worst part for me is when you can't hear the person opposite because everyone else is talking in your ear. And those times when there's plenty of space by the windows but I get assigned some table in the middle of a row in the ugly people section.

You will usually find this with places in the city that have good ratings but it always felt silly for me as I can't enjoy the food when I'm claustrophobic. I don't care how authentic the food is, I'm here to spend time with someone as the priority.
>> No. 13459 Anonymous
23rd June 2020
Tuesday 9:17 pm
13459 spacer
>>13441
It's not that I dislike them, but I find them the least appealing of all the public places you can go with people. If I wanted to eat and drink I'd rather be in a cafe or pub, or weather and enviroment permitting, get something to take away and sit outdoors. I feel like their only function is for people to meet up with extended family members and eat mediocre fare in groups of at least four. If we weren't resigned to living in tiny homes and getting by on whatever's on the "Whoospie" counter at Asda that wouldn't even exist.
>> No. 13460 Anonymous
23rd June 2020
Tuesday 9:38 pm
13460 spacer
>>13453
> food is food, it's no an experience the same way cinema is.

You epitomise all the base and low customs of man that I have so come to despise.
>> No. 13463 Anonymous
24th June 2020
Wednesday 12:47 am
13463 spacer
>>13460

It does seem strange that they can be so sneeringly reductionist about one ritual of life and culture. But so snobbish about the other that they wouldn't dream of going somewhere that they served popcorn!

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>> No. 13375 Anonymous
31st May 2020
Sunday 7:58 pm
13375 Indian Takeaway
What's your go to order when you get an Indian? I'm quite partial to a chicken tikka phal and a shami kebab myself.
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>> No. 13392 Anonymous
1st June 2020
Monday 4:20 pm
13392 spacer
>>13391
The trick with Brick Lane is to get some local knowledge, find a good place, and only ever go there. My favourite is a place called the Muhib - yellow decor outside, bring your own wine, about half-way up before you get to the nightclub bit.
>> No. 13393 Anonymous
1st June 2020
Monday 10:22 pm
13393 spacer
>>13391
>You're giving me foul memories of living in Stoke.
I moved from Lichfield to (near) stoke a couple of years back, and my biggest regret has been moving away from the greatest indian takeaway I've ever found. They rented this tiny ktichen in the back of a "local" pub (standing room maybe about 1m wide by 4m long), but it was the best I've ever had, even better than some of the award winning places in the Birmingham Balti belt.

Around Stoke, so far the best I've found is a restaurant in Newcastle with a takeaway service, called koh-i-noor
>> No. 13394 Anonymous
1st June 2020
Monday 10:57 pm
13394 spacer
>>13393

I can't vouch for takeaways but I know some OK Indian restaurants in Stoke and Newcastle. There was one I used to go to on the approach to Newcastle called Basmati that was particularly good. I used to go there just for their "lamb stuffed pepper" starter which was proper ace.
>> No. 13402 Anonymous
3rd June 2020
Wednesday 5:29 pm
13402 spacer
While we're at it:

Sanam is the best restaurant on the Curry Mile. Get the biryani. Everyone says it's Mughli but they're wrong. MyLahore is also pretty good to say it looks like a knockoff McDonalds.

Al-Jazeera, which shares the same logo as the news station, does a great afghan chicken over rice.
>> No. 13403 Anonymous
3rd June 2020
Wednesday 5:42 pm
13403 spacer
>>13402
This is some good intel seeing as I'm thinking of going there for my 30th, cheers lad.

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>> No. 13323 Anonymous
24th May 2020
Sunday 8:40 pm
13323 spacer
How do I up my egg mayonnaise game? Current preference is:-

- Boiled eggs
- Mayonnaise (Heinz Seriously Good)
- Salt
- Pepper
- Cress
- Lightly toasted bread

I want to take it to the next level.
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>> No. 13331 Anonymous
26th May 2020
Tuesday 10:55 am
13331 spacer
>>13329
Polish 'majo' is way better than the shite over this side of Europe anyway. Get yourself some of the Winiary stuff in your world foods aisle. That said, it's probably because it comes with mustard already in it.
>> No. 13332 Anonymous
26th May 2020
Tuesday 11:17 am
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>>13331
I often find the world section has decent alternatives to well known brands but I wonder if the standards are there. GMOs, animal welfare, etc.
The logo looks suspiciously like Maggi's, but according to wikipedia they're unrelated.
>> No. 13333 Anonymous
26th May 2020
Tuesday 11:18 am
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>>13332
>> No. 13335 Anonymous
26th May 2020
Tuesday 11:55 am
13335 spacer
>>13332
>The logo looks suspiciously like Maggi's
Is your name Dominic Cummings?
>> No. 13336 Anonymous
26th May 2020
Tuesday 9:11 pm
13336 spacer
Japanese mayonnaise is really quite spectacular, Kewpie is the brand you'll most likey find over here.

It goes without saying that better eggs and bread will also help your sarnie along. The former perhaps not as important once smothered in mayo.

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>> No. 13299 Anonymous
25th April 2020
Saturday 4:50 pm
13299 spacer
Would you eat dog meat?
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>> No. 13300 Anonymous
25th April 2020
Saturday 4:57 pm
13300 spacer
>>13299
That depends. How does it taste?
>> No. 13301 Anonymous
25th April 2020
Saturday 5:09 pm
13301 spacer
>>13300

It is described in Chinese, roughly, as "fragrant meat", which is exactly how I would describe lamb or mutton. A little bit of googling suggests my assumption is not far off.

I don't like lamb that much, so probably wouldn't bother with dog, either.
>> No. 13302 Anonymous
25th April 2020
Saturday 5:12 pm
13302 spacer
Maybe for the novelty but I'd much sooner have human meat. If someone tells you they've eaten dog meat you'd probably think they're a bit of a tramp, human on the other hand sounds dead classy. You know I'm right.
>> No. 13303 Anonymous
25th April 2020
Saturday 8:46 pm
13303 spacer
>>13302 The vat-grown meat companies must surely be growing human flesh by now. Ethical, tasty, tender. I'd happily eat me.
>> No. 13305 Anonymous
26th April 2020
Sunday 10:36 am
13305 spacer
>>13299

Dog food meat, or meat from a dog? Probably no then yes. Depends on the preparation I suppose.

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>> No. 13297 Anonymous
25th April 2020
Saturday 12:16 pm
13297 spacer


I don't feel confident that I know my chicken. I'm not a bad cook but I always feel like my basic oven baked chicken breast comes out slightly too tough on the outside and a little rubbery. It's maddening considering I cook it so often on weeknights.

What works for you? I massage in the spices to tenderise at the same time (typically use smoked paprika and black pepper) I give it 5-10 minutes to properly settle before and after I put it in the oven. I follow the guidance of 170c for 35 minutes, which is probably where I'm going wrong, but you of course can't cut open a chicken breast to check progress without risking the juice.

Maybe brine soak would be something to try but it seems silly to salt up an otherwise healthy protein.
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>> No. 13298 Anonymous
25th April 2020
Saturday 12:50 pm
13298 spacer
You're overcooking them. 170 for 35 seems only slightly excessive, 30 should do it. You could invest in a meat thermometer to check when they're at a safe temperature. I would recommend cooking it at a higher temperature for a shorter time, though, 220 for 20ish minutes is likely better, the higher heat will crisp the outside rather than slowly rendering it and should avoid the toughness.

>Maybe brine soak would be something to try but it seems silly to salt up an otherwise healthy protein.

This is deeply concerning to me. Salt is not bad for you unless you have medical conditions what would make it so, and if you're not putting salt on your food, it's going to be shit no matter what you do. Brining is an excellent idea and will pretty much guarantee very moist chicken breasts.

Even if you don't brine them, you should at least be whacking a bit of salt and pepper on them before you put them in the oven - this itself will act as a sort of brine and reduce the rubberyness of the outer meat too.

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>> No. 13212 Anonymous
30th January 2020
Thursday 6:29 pm
13212 spacer
Anyone drink tea with no milk or sugar?

I stopped drinking coffee a few days ago and replaced it with black tea. It's quite nice and clean tasting. Coffee always made my mouth feel kind of dirty.
4 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 13217 Anonymous
30th January 2020
Thursday 9:19 pm
13217 spacer
I'm the type of person who leaves the bag to stew for 20 minutes on occasion - black tea as such is awful. Probably quite nice weak, though. I do find it sticks to the teath and breath a whole lot more than with milk, though.
>> No. 13218 Anonymous
30th January 2020
Thursday 9:55 pm
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>>13216

For reference, ass tastes like when you put your tongue on the top of a 9v battery.
>> No. 13219 Anonymous
30th January 2020
Thursday 9:58 pm
13219 spacer
>>13218
If that's true why don't we insert battery-operated gadgets rectally when they're out of juice?
>> No. 13220 Anonymous
30th January 2020
Thursday 10:16 pm
13220 spacer
Yeah, have had black tea for years. Don't really like sugar in hot drinks, and realised that the splash of milk most people put in really isn't that noticeable anyway.

It's funny that people always seem a little surprised when I say no milk, no sugar. "You sure?" yeah of course I'm fucking sure.
>> No. 13221 Anonymous
30th January 2020
Thursday 10:23 pm
13221 spacer
Depends. An Earl Grey I drink black, a more bland tea like Barry's or PG Tips needs something a little extra to help it along like a splash of milk. Increasingly, though, I found a pinch of "lemon salt" (instant lemon juice) to be a perfect addition to all black teas. The slight acidity marries well with the bitter notes and amplifies the clean flavour.

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>> No. 13208 Anonymous
28th January 2020
Tuesday 9:49 pm
13208 Vegan alternatives
That Violife cheese is quite nice and has decent texture and body of flavour but I've yet to find a milk substitute that has the same creaminess / mouthfeel of actual dairy.

Vegan/flexitarian soapbox general, I guess.

Also fuck almonds.
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>> No. 13209 Anonymous
28th January 2020
Tuesday 10:40 pm
13209 spacer
>>13208
Violife actually melts quite well though, one of the best of the vegan cheeses in that respect - in the oven you can make a decent toasted cheese sandwich and if you use the slices on a burger (Beyond Meat obvs) it makes a very good cheeseburger indeed.
>> No. 13210 Anonymous
28th January 2020
Tuesday 10:47 pm
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I'll have a look for it, cheers.

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>> No. 13179 Anonymous
9th January 2020
Thursday 8:16 pm
13179 spacer
I don't really feel like eating.


parched
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>> No. 13182 Anonymous
9th January 2020
Thursday 9:09 pm
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>>13181
Oh was parched not a Peter Crouch Podcast reference?
>> No. 13183 Anonymous
9th January 2020
Thursday 9:22 pm
13183 spacer
Garlic Bread.
>> No. 13184 Anonymous
9th January 2020
Thursday 9:36 pm
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Really thirsty.
>> No. 13185 Anonymous
9th January 2020
Thursday 11:20 pm
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If only there was some sort of nutritional drink that gave you all the benefits of a full meal, but in liquid form.
>> No. 13186 Anonymous
9th January 2020
Thursday 11:25 pm
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>>13185

Energy in a liquid form like a sort of fuel, for humans. I'd buy it. You know I think there's a product like that called Soylent.

(A good day to you Sir!)

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>> No. 13078 Anonymous
29th September 2019
Sunday 3:34 pm
13078 Slow Cooker Curry
What am I doing wrong, lads? Every slow cooker curry I make turns out more like a watery broth; there's absolutely no thickness to the sauce and it just doesn't... taste like a curry. It has all the flavours but it doesn't quite mesh right.

My process is:
Fry chicken pieces with onions, carrots, and broccoli until browned off.
Put in slow cooker with box of passata, 4 or 5 heaped tablespoons of madras curry powder, and a whole chilli. Sprinkle Oxo cube in too.
Give it a mix, put the lid on, low for 8 hours or high for 6.

Add chopped coriander, leave for 5 mins with lid off, serve.

Every time, as I say, it's just far, far too watery. The most recent batch I froze individual portions of just have no sauce at all. What do?

Thanks lads.
16 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 13139 Anonymous
24th November 2019
Sunday 11:57 pm
13139 spacer
>>13138
> Most curries aren't made with cream, though.

Most curries aren't made with broccoli, mushrooms, and carrots either.
>> No. 13140 Anonymous
25th November 2019
Monday 12:02 am
13140 spacer
>>13139
They could be. Curries are a countable noun but have no minimum mass requirement whereas a curry is a countable noun so you could divide a small amount of one curry into a very large number of curries and outnumber the amount of other curries, making your own curries the majority of what all curries are.
Probably more effort than it's worth.
>> No. 13141 Anonymous
25th November 2019
Monday 12:38 am
13141 spacer
This isn’t even a curry, it’s a spicy stew.
>> No. 13142 Anonymous
25th November 2019
Monday 12:53 am
13142 spacer
>>13141

What's the difference?
>> No. 13143 Anonymous
25th November 2019
Monday 12:59 am
13143 spacer
>>13141
This.

You need to let shit reduce before you get all that good shit sticking to your chickens/lambs.

At the very least, when you first start, try to let it reduce (leave the top open on medium to high flame, and then use your pressure/slow cooker wizardry.

People in poor places don't even have your tech, but they do it faster and better than you. Find out why. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKlET6nkHSKNWef97D_UBkQ

Please keep me posted. I need this information. I need all information. I think I need to work for the fucking Doughnut. Hire me please. I need to be paid in alcohol though.

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