No. 3617Anonymous 31st January 2010 Sunday 5:03 pm3617Cadburys Full English Breakfast
Mr Brooker made a joke
Cadbury’s Full English Breakfast bar would contain the real thing: fried egg, bacon, chips and beans, mashed and compacted into a Crunchie-sized slab, covered with a layer of ketchup, then swaddled in thick Dairy Milk chocolate. It’d look and weigh about the same as a Double Decker. And yes, it sounds disgusting – but you’d have to try it once, wouldn’t you?
>>3617 It tasted worse. For the first time in my culinary adventures I really struggled to force down one mouthful. Four hours later I can still feel that one bite lying in my stomach mocking me, I think it just called me a pussy. I can’t actually describe the taste in culinary terms. Imagine Boris Johnson taking an Oompa Loompa up the wrong ‘un whilst listening to Alan Titchmarsh sings Radiohead. Convert that to a taste and you’re nearly there.
Adam and Joe came up with the Scrunty Nutpea Funch...
No time for a proper lunchtime meal but sick of crisps and cigarettes? Scrunty Nutpea Funch is quite literally, a fun lunch, combining delicious chocolate style paste with frozen peas and lard for a snack that will fill you up with peas, lard and paste. A yummy treat for vegetarians (though Muslims may find the high lard content problematic).
...and everyone's favourite cartoon in a Mexican wrestling mask, Strong Bad, developed the SBLOUNSKCHED! bar.
'Cause that's how you're gonna feel when you eat one... like you got SBLOUNSKCHED! Now we gotta be sure and represent as many of the different states of candy matter as possible. We'll start with a gaseous cloud of marshmallow vapor, encased in a globule of semi-solid licorice colloid. A bunch of those will be floating in a channel of liquid nougat - which I recently found out is the candy equivalent of veal. And we roll all that up inside a solid crispety cookety log, and cover it with rich, creamy... pepperoni. Then sprinkle that with, not just crispy puffed rice, but whole tiny bowls of crispy puffed rice cereal. And finally, smother that with the ol' BBC: Boring Brown Chocolate. Now that is a confection worthy of the SBLOUNSKCHED! name. But I need to think of a better shape than the standard piece-of-crap shape. Let's see... shape, shape, shape shape shape... ooh, what about my pants? Everybody knows my pants! And they come with a built-in bite out of them for security, 'cause who's gonna steal a pair of half-eaten choco-pants?
