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>> No. 23331 Bulba
26th June 2015
Friday 6:34 pm
23331 The voice of /zoo/
Thought it was time to revive the old reading thread.

Pick up your mics, lads! Choose whatever you want in any language and record yourself reading it (or singing, if you're so inclined).

To start things off, here's my attempt at dramatic reading of a NY Times article from a while back.

https://soundcloud.com/stanley-swanson/libertarian-police-department
Expand all images.
>> No. 23332 Britfag
26th June 2015
Friday 7:38 pm
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I'm loving the chief on the radio.
>> No. 23333 Britfag
26th June 2015
Friday 7:43 pm
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>>23332
Finished now. That whole thing was great.
>> No. 23334 Cockernay
27th June 2015
Saturday 12:17 am
23334 spacer
What's all this bitcoin nonsense.
>> No. 23335 Bulba
27th June 2015
Saturday 10:52 am
23335 spacer
>>23334
Don't mind that, just something I like to take the piss out of from time to time.
I'm moving flats right now, but promise to record something exclusive for the thread when things settle.
>> No. 23465 Bulba
19th September 2015
Saturday 5:47 pm
23465 spacer
Meant to post it a month ago, but something must have gone wrong with mp3 uploading here.

http://tindeck.com/listen/mlhfr

My reading of Burns' To a Mouse in a horrendous Scottish accent.

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>> No. 23444 Gasthief
3rd September 2015
Thursday 11:21 am
23444 Doomed
>TFW it's easier to become an illegal immigrant and claim welfare than to get a student visa to study STEM
12 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 23458 Cockernay
4th September 2015
Friday 11:26 pm
23458 spacer
>>23455

If any post needed a wooosh, it was this one.
>> No. 23460 Cockernay
5th September 2015
Saturday 9:33 am
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>>23458
Give the poor lad a break. He's obviously only capable of thinking in green text.
>> No. 23461 Raoul
5th September 2015
Saturday 1:57 pm
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>>23444
The state of that flag. It needed burning
>> No. 23462 AnonFromHK
6th September 2015
Sunday 9:55 am
23462 spacer
>>23454

Into a canal?
>> No. 23463 Raoul
6th September 2015
Sunday 1:05 pm
23463 spacer
>>23461
Seriously. Did they paint that themselves? A for enthusiasm, I suppose but a C- at best for accuracy.

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>> No. 23436 Buddha
22nd August 2015
Saturday 7:46 pm
23436 Asian hip-hop.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyOYKsEL7qw
1 post omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 23439 Aki
22nd August 2015
Saturday 8:29 pm
23439 spacer
>>23438
Yes, it will put you on YouTube's list of people who listened to what I presume to be reasonably decent Asian hip-hop.
>> No. 23440 Porridgewog
22nd August 2015
Saturday 8:34 pm
23440 spacer
yesss bruv
>> No. 23441 Wastelander
22nd August 2015
Saturday 8:55 pm
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>>23438

The guy in the thumbnail is a Sikh, you fanny.
>> No. 23442 Britfag
22nd August 2015
Saturday 9:56 pm
23442 spacer
>>23436
The black okay is okay, but I don't know what the hairy one.
>> No. 23443 Britfag
22nd August 2015
Saturday 9:57 pm
23443 spacer
>>23441
Like there's a difference.

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>> No. 23430 Britfag
19th August 2015
Wednesday 5:52 am
23430 spacer
Someone translate this. Also the bear shits himself @ 1:14 or something.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78oS2jzHpPc
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>> No. 23432 Vodkafag
19th August 2015
Wednesday 12:22 pm
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>>23430

Hunters drive over bear at night, ostensibly by mistake. Could happen to anyone. They then eloquently ponder whether or not to cut it's throat with a knife, finish it off by smashing their car into it, or whether to stick something up it's ass. As the bear escapes they repeatedly scream 'what the fuck' and the woman cries 'mother'.

What a country.
>> No. 23433 Cockernay
19th August 2015
Wednesday 1:38 pm
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What an animal. They hit with a car and it just tries to eat the damn thing.
>> No. 23434 Bulba
19th August 2015
Wednesday 2:48 pm
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They've probably hit the bear on the road and then tried to put it out of misery with their car several times to no awail. One of the blokes insists on killing the bear and asks for a knife to complete the job. Others try to talk him out of it because it's dangerous. Nothing particularly funny.
>> No. 23435 Britfag
19th August 2015
Wednesday 9:39 pm
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>>23434
Not funny? I locked my jaw laughing and had to go A&E.

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>> No. 23315 Fairy
22nd June 2015
Monday 6:40 pm
23315 spacer
Not sure if this is /iq/ or /zoo/ related but here's a satirical guide on the history of Germany. Please enjoy


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ztOV2wrrkY
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>> No. 23389 Fairy
2nd July 2015
Thursday 1:00 am
23389 spacer
Do we still get German posters around these parts or are they banned from here?
>> No. 23390 Britfag
2nd July 2015
Thursday 1:06 am
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>>23389
They've recently been allowed back in.
>> No. 23428 Kraut
18th August 2015
Tuesday 6:43 pm
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>>23390

And I thought britfa.gs had just died.
>> No. 23429 Fairy
18th August 2015
Tuesday 9:53 pm
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>>23428
We really ought to get some decent error documents.

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>> No. 23307 Fairy
20th June 2015
Saturday 10:43 pm
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What country do you think has the most interesting folklore or myths?
7 posts and 1 image omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 23391 AnonFromRO
8th July 2015
Wednesday 1:37 pm
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Japan. Celtic mythology also is interesting.
>> No. 23392 Buddha
8th July 2015
Wednesday 1:45 pm
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Bengal.
>> No. 23393 Bulba
9th July 2015
Thursday 3:49 pm
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>>23307
The US. Simply because of how young their urban mythology is.
>> No. 23417 Wastelander
1st August 2015
Saturday 9:58 pm
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Kalevala. Is all.
>> No. 23421 AnonFromFI
6th August 2015
Thursday 8:38 pm
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England.

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>> No. 23397 AnonFromHK
18th July 2015
Saturday 11:21 am
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I guess I might as well post this here. An Italian friend is flying to Thailand soon. The following is an extract of our Skype conversation:

Her: fiumicino airport is in disarray
Me: ?
Her: terminal 3 was burnt down a few months ago
Me: rofl

Seriously, has anyone ever heard of a *terminal* burning down? A hanger, yes, but what the fuck. The Italians...

Pic unrelated.
7 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 23406 Gazza
18th July 2015
Saturday 11:46 pm
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Haha stupid Italians. In all of British history there is no record of any fire every occurring.
>> No. 23407 Raoul
18th July 2015
Saturday 11:49 pm
23407 spacer
>>23397
On the upside, it'll finally shut those fucking truthers up. See? Leave a fire burning for hours and the fucking thing will collapse!
>> No. 23408 Dubya
19th July 2015
Sunday 2:34 am
23408 spacer
OP's pic looks like a up the arse corner when the bumee has pulled it out quick to avoid an embarrassment.
>> No. 23409 Britfag
19th July 2015
Sunday 4:23 am
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>>23402

Why not Aberdonians? That would make more sense.
>> No. 23410 Britfag
19th July 2015
Sunday 11:27 am
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>>23407
It didn't collapse. It gutted the insides.

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>> No. 23316 Monkey
24th June 2015
Wednesday 8:34 am
23316 spacer
Why do they want to come to England out of all the other European countries?

Keith Vaz says it's because it's easy to work here illegally.
14 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 23369 Gazza
29th June 2015
Monday 9:35 am
23369 spacer
>>23329
> The popular perception of Britain as a magnet for immigrants is demonstrably false.
But your own link shows if you measure it as "Permanent inflows, 1000 persons", instead of as a proportion of our population, then the UK ranks third.
>> No. 23371 Cockernay
29th June 2015
Monday 9:40 am
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>>23369
Country with larger population attracts larger numbers shocker.
>> No. 23378 Fairy
29th June 2015
Monday 1:41 pm
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>>23323

Schrodinger's cattery experiment is much less paradoxical
>> No. 23379 Britfag
29th June 2015
Monday 2:05 pm
23379 spacer
>>23323
Surely those are the ones who are both dead and alive until you open up the back of the truck to check?
>> No. 23394 Bulba
11th July 2015
Saturday 9:10 am
23394 spacer
>>23316

Because Brits can't into Holocost and other funny stuf

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>> No. 23236 Cockernay
23rd May 2015
Saturday 2:39 am
23236 Eurovision Thread

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eniaB0xchTY

That's the UK's entry. I like all the references to various medical issues one may incur before you'll lose your lovers affections, also that famous UK musical cornerstone known as scat singing.
63 posts and 4 images omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 23302 Boyo
25th May 2015
Monday 12:03 am
23302 spacer
>>23301
If you say so mate.

I repeat, what a ridiculous thread.
>> No. 23303 Britfag
25th May 2015
Monday 12:04 am
23303 spacer
>>23302
You're so annoying. I hope your mum gets cancer.
>> No. 23304 Britfag
25th May 2015
Monday 12:05 am
23304 spacer
>>23301
Why didn't he get boats and ships?
>> No. 23305 Britfag
25th May 2015
Monday 12:09 am
23305 spacer
>>23304
All the better to wreck the Romans from behind, lad.
>> No. 23306 Britfag
25th May 2015
Monday 12:26 am
23306 spacer
>>23305
Why didn't he stick with the coast from Nice to Genoa? Italy is an annoying place to attack.

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>> No. 23214 Cockernay
25th April 2015
Saturday 9:50 am
23214 Our condolences to our friends in Nepal

14 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 23231 Porridgewog
30th April 2015
Thursday 12:14 pm
23231 spacer
>>23230
Hang on.

>they had been living in Hong Kong

HKlad..?
>> No. 23232 Wastelander
30th April 2015
Thursday 2:24 pm
23232 spacer
>>23231

I can't believe he's dead. Well, as good old Jezza once possibly said, it's better to die driving off a cliff at 130mph in a reversing Ferrari that is on fire than to die at age 90 lying in a bed and shitting pea soup all over yourself.
>> No. 23233 Buddha
30th April 2015
Thursday 4:19 pm
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I submit this post from sunny England.
>> No. 23234 Britfag
30th April 2015
Thursday 6:34 pm
23234 spacer
>>23230

RIP Nepallad, you will be missed like a hole in the head.
>> No. 23235 Fairy
30th April 2015
Thursday 8:11 pm
23235 spacer
I was saving this for the next time that filthy chanologist pissed me off. But seeing as that may never come now, this feels the best time to blow my load.


http://z0r.de/4878

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>> No. 23212 Raoul
22nd March 2015
Sunday 11:56 am
23212 spacer
Locked
>germany has never won a war
<israel has never lost a war
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>> No. 23213 Boyo
22nd March 2015
Sunday 12:01 pm
23213 spacer
We don't do that here.

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>> No. 23175 Britfag
25th January 2015
Sunday 4:24 pm
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Scotland is fucking shite. I hate living here. Never ever move to Scotland. They offered me a £70k p.a. job and £15k relocation package to move here, I was naive to think that would soften the reality of it being a completely uninhabitable hole.
29 posts and 1 image omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 23205 Fairy
5th February 2015
Thursday 2:44 pm
23205 spacer
>>23196

I live in a (reputedly) rough estate in Stirling, it's not that bad. We rent a terraced house and apart from a loud party last weekend (celtic fans) it's pretty peaceful. According to a friend of mine there are about six drug dealers within five minutes walk of here so if you like that kind of thing it's fairly convenient.

Violent crime happens very occasionally, at least that I hear about, but it seems to be little gangs of neds battering other neds. I've had more aggro from job centre employees than I have from kids standing around the local shop, for example. The worst thing that's happened since I've lived here is getting into a snowball fight with some kids and getting my dick bruised by a little prick hurling a ball of ice as hard as he could, was all fun and games before that.

It's very obviously poor and alcoholism and drug dependency is fairly rife, from what I've seen on JCP schemes and sitting in community centres but people generally are just trying to get by.
>> No. 23206 Terrorist
5th February 2015
Thursday 2:47 pm
23206 spacer
I recently found out they get lager and lime bon bons in Scotland.
>> No. 23207 Porridgewog
5th February 2015
Thursday 3:04 pm
23207 spacer
>>23205

The Raploch, despite being poor, is the only normal area in Stirling. Everywhere else in Stirling is full of fucking maniacs.

Do you know the McCallums?
>> No. 23208 Fairy
5th February 2015
Thursday 3:36 pm
23208 spacer
>>23207

Hah, small world. I know a McCallum, very vaguely through other friends, he also likes nerdy stuff like magic the gathering and such. That's one great thing about stirling, it's small but it has two places that run tcg and wargaming events throughout the week and the best roleplaying society I've ever heard of at the uni.
>> No. 23209 Fairy
5th February 2015
Thursday 3:36 pm
23209 spacer
>>23207

Hah, small world. I know a McCallum, very vaguely through other friends, he also likes nerdy stuff like magic the gathering and such. That's one great thing about stirling, it's small but it has two places that run tcg and wargaming events throughout the week and the best roleplaying society I've ever heard of at the uni.

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>> No. 22992 Gazza
29th October 2014
Wednesday 9:11 am
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Not sure if I should post this in /101/, but here seems like a more apt location.

Anyway - quick background, emigrated there in 2001, came back in 2011, family stuff, father finding work etc. It shaped me growing up quite a bit - but I have no love for Ireland.

I usually frequent the /r/Ireland board on reddit, and it's a pleasant reminder what a shithole it is - everything from their ultra-low expectations, to the feckless attitude in regards to everything. It kind of teases this part of me, where I remember generally poor things about it, and makes me wonder how anyone would think about moving there permanently.
I would love to dispel the myth that Irish people are friendly, they are a bunch of myopic, xenophobic, inbred shits at worst, and dowdy, ignorant idiots at best - with the lowest of low-brow outlooks on everything. "Ah sure it'll be grand", was a phrase I heard often, especially when something goes tits up. Any kind of outside influence is considered a threat, and due to their ingrained inferiority complex, they will make no bones about not liking you. If I had a penny for every time someone called me an "English cunt" due to my accent, I'd have enough to leave several times over. I was lucky enough to be white, if you're coloured by any shade, you're a novelty, a side-show, for their amusement. And if there are enough of you, you become a problem. Integration is still a new and scary thing, so if you're a minority prepare to have a uphill struggle living there. The Irish are NOT friendly, any attempts at being so are facile and superficial, and do so only to look good in front of their mates.

You can argue, it's similar to England, but it really isn't, not by a long shot. Any Irish person smart enough, will know they need to get the fuck out. We've seen over 100,000, educated young folk fucking off to all corners of the globe. In simple terms, you'd have to be missing a chromosome to actively want and embrace living in this joke of a country. I still advocate visiting the West part as it's preserved much of it's beauty - otherwise don't bother.

Anyway, don't see any reason for a discussion, just needed to vent this bullshit.
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>> No. 23010 Raoul
30th October 2014
Thursday 12:44 am
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>>23007
Tell them you're naturalised. I know a "Welsh" couple who speak the language and get behind the boys in red come February. They hail from those great Welsh towns of Solihull and Morpeth. These days we'll take anyone who lives here for a few months and professes publicly that it's not shit at least once. Learn the words to Calon Lân and you're set.
>> No. 23011 Boyo
30th October 2014
Thursday 8:30 am
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>>23010
Nah that's American tourist-esque.
>> No. 23171 Cockernay
8th January 2015
Thursday 10:39 pm
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>>23003
>>23005
>This bant

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 23172 Porridgewog
9th January 2015
Friday 12:01 am
23172 spacer
>>23171

Well worth the bump.
>> No. 23173 Raoul
9th January 2015
Friday 12:09 am
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>>23171
Ugh, I wrote that shit a while ago - it's a little cringey now. Ireland is still shit the last time I checked.

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>> No. 23167 Raoul
6th January 2015
Tuesday 6:08 am
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que onda gabachos? aztec soldado on vacacion in la inglaterra here. mang i be scopin out londres and shits wack. first day i got here some mayates tried to rob me with a this puny little filero. i looked at dem wack ass negritos like is you serious and started laughing, them swatas was shook for real and just walked away. i hooked up with this tight assed huero jaina who said she worked in la ciudad. puta made a big show of how she was dis high flying empresaria earnin mad pesos livin in some swanky apartamento. let me tell you carnals, her place was a damn shoebox. back in araisas my poor tio Javier got a ranch dats 20 times the size of this hoes swanky ass carcel, and he be driving trucks and smoking crack jajajaja. inglaterra be all fucked up mang. if this bitch proud of her home, paisas back in kali be livin like kings in da varrios LOL.

anutha question: where all the white people? sheeit mang i aint no fan of bolillos, but dey better than mayates. least i can walk in san jo and see my own peeps nahmsayin? where all dis inglaterra cultura i be hearing about? mang i seen more violencia in 2 weeks in londres than i ever seen in san jo. yall got no moralidad. where the valores familiares? where the comunidad? back in the varrio i see big familias, cookouts every saturday and sunday, homies be cool with eachother. here in inglaterra peeps be locked away in their casas acting all suspcius and shit. man if i brought my hija here shed never leave the casa.

any vatos reading this i got one piece of advice. inglaterra be fuckin locochon, stay where you at
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>> No. 23169 Boyo
6th January 2015
Tuesday 12:40 pm
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>>23167
>inglaterra be all fucked up mang.

Can't disagree.
>> No. 23170 Wastelander
6th January 2015
Tuesday 1:39 pm
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>>23168
I rather liked it.
>> No. 23174 Gazza
11th January 2015
Sunday 7:34 am
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I know a few words in Spanish that I find very "stylish":

Ese (roughly translated to English as pal/mate/buddy)
Karnal (brother/bro etc)
Pendejo (can be translated as idiot/retard)
Cabron (asshole)
Chota (cops/pigs)

Am I already fluent in it, right?
>> No. 23210 Raoul
19th February 2015
Thursday 2:05 pm
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>>23174
You and every other person who has played Grand Theft Auto or watched The Shield.
>> No. 23211 Raoul
19th February 2015
Thursday 2:47 pm
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>>23210
I was going to get mad at you for bumping shit old threads onto /sfw/ until you mentioned The Shield.

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