>>63219
You are Sam from Wendover and I claim my £5. Or a free year of whatever you're selling this month.

>>63221
HE'S FROM OSSETT, BECAUSE EVERYONE IS FROM OSSETT.

>>63222
I genuinely know of someone moving from Ossett to Flockton because there's too many non-white faces in Ossett. That's 98% white British Ossett.

>>63221

Afraid not. Tell me about this Sam though. Sounds like a character.

>>63223

you'd have thought he wants to get further away from huddersfield/dewsbury if it's the browns he hates. is he dense?

tell him he wants to move to wakey. we don't have many of them here at all, but all the shops sell tyskie.

Not if you have a phobia of corners.

No it is scandalously controversial. He most likely didn't invet it and took credit for it like one of his many other outrageous claims, like having a golden thigh, telling off a bear, and being the son of Apollo.

>>5758

>Shave and be proud

I have no qualms with that, to be fair.

Appreciate the shaver recommendation, but would you happen to know the best battery powered one? I'm an international businessman you know.

>>5759
>best battery powered one

Never seen a good one. You actually need quite a lot of power to get a good head shave, when it is short it is stubbly and beardy and you need a perfect cut else it a) hurts and b) looks terrible. The baldfader is the best out there.

You can try razoring it too for a really close shave, but it takes a while to make it look good, a bit too long for me in the shower in the morning, so I use the baldfader on grade 0 twice a week, with grade 1 for the beard - it comes with all the attachments and doo-dahs. Use the razor for dates/interviews..

>>5759

>I'm an international businessman don't you know

>>5760

>You actually need quite a lot of power to get a good head shave

Fair play. I've done a grade 0 on a generic battery powered one before, and it's alright but it's definitely a bit 'fuzzy'.

I'll get one, they're cheap enough too. There's a hilarious review of it on amazon, a bloke has posted three pictures of his head with a few tiny red splotches, and has complained in all caps about how it's nearly killed him. The shave looks great though.

>>5758

It took me more than a year to take your advice but I finally bought a Baldfader - the slightly updated version to the one linked, apparently it goes a whole 0.1mm shorter now.

It's fantastic, I should have got one sooner. I've gotten used to shaving my head in the shower with a Mach 3, but it always feels like a waste of time since I still end up having a stubbly head six hours later anyway.

I thought I'd drag this thread out just in case anyone else has gone bald in the year or so since this post.

>>8825
>it's going to be fucking awesome.

Kill yourself. He's a dumb, racist, joke, as are you by association.

>>8828
Oh no not dolphin rape.

>>8829
*low flying aeroplane sounds*

>>63184
You've got to head to Poundland for proper British confectionery. At least, I'm assuming their knock-off Percy pigs are made in this country.

>>63185
I don't care how many quavers you're offering. I'm not putting a dog dinky in my mouth.

>>63186
They're not meant to go in your mouth, you div. There's not nearly enough muscular tension in your tongue to truly appreciate a good knot.

>>63183
I'm surprised you can't get vegetarian pork pies yet. Quorn scotch eggs are the only processed veggie food that actually taste similar to the real thing, although you can make your own kind of passable ones if you wrap sosmix around a boiled egg and cover it in breadcrumbs.

>>63189

There's a certain firm toothsomeness in a pork pie that I'm not convinced you could replicate with a vegan solution.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvW90UbvKb8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABr38zn8klo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-2j9ZqCtt0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=it9vKeJgAoA

Sorry for Vimeo but this video's amazing. I can't believe I'd never seen it before.

https://vimeo.com/24191501

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YHCE_hSKhFQ

There is nothing guilty about ARE SUE. What kinds of high standards do you people have?

>>40751
>>40756
An understandable cognitive dissonance with nude “celebrity” leaks and as incorrigible (and illegal) leaking them is, it does remind that we are all just fallible people.

>>40757

Well I am guilty of having dreams of her having willies where her nipples would usually be.

>>40759

What the hell is wrong with your subconscious m8? She has such lovely nipples.

>>40760

Dicknipples are a very old school hentai/furry internet fetish.

You only have to be worried when it becomes shitting dicknipples.

>>13106

The curriculum and course material look reasonably good. It's not quite as in-depth as FreeCodeCamp, but that's potentially an advantage if you have limited technical experience or you're intimidated by the sheer scope of the FreeCodeCamp course. FreeCodeCamp definitely have better materials on getting hired, particularly their partnerships with non-profit organisations to help students build a portfolio of real-world projects.

Remote tech support lad here.

My pay has now reached £23 an hour.

I've become proficient enough that I logged onto work when blackout drunk after being out on the piss the other day (literally didn't even know I'd done the work and logged on till I checked the dashboard).

My customer satisfaction rating went up.

>>13111
How many hours per week/month do you get?

>>13113
As many or as little as I want.

I'm working 10 hours a week at the minute. Pays the cheap rent in my provincial shithole and keeps me in Aldi lager and skunk.

>>13114

Winning

>>22615
And only two Monkey Islands!

Michael Barrymore's said he isn't doing pantomime this year. I did Aladdin a few years back and I've never heard the end of it.

>>22617

You don't like curse?

>>22618

>>22619
No, although it was a long time ago. The graphics were too good, I didn't like that he now had a voice (turned it off), and just my general possibly-unfair-but-perhaps-not sense of things being shit when the original creator leaves.

>>7524
The value might get wiped out in a bart, the exchange you buy from is probably shady as shit if they're not doing KYC checks and are liable to just run off with the cash and your crypto before you can shift them, and the exchange you cash out from might suddenly develop "technical difficulties". Then there's the minor point that the blockchain being entirely open means that even if you do manage to cash out your explanation won't hold water.

>>7528

I think you grossly over estimate the risks and the traceability. It is like you don't even know what cryptocurrency is mostly used for.

>>7529
AIUI, it's mainly used for taking money from suckers these days, hence its uselessness for anything else.

>>7532

Bitcoin maybe, but something like Monero is still very useful for buying drugs on the internet.

>>7533
>Monero
Then you're back to just getting any money out the other end at all.

Three great late twentieth century female writers: Muriel Spark the very quirky borderline insane Catholic convert, Kathy Acker the patron saint of all bad girls and adventuresses, Andrea Dworkin the intolerant anti-porn feminist who could put a sentence together like no-one else in the world whatever you may think of her views.

And I'd say the Bronte sisters are the absolute cornerstones of femaile literature, and all three of them are very much worth reading and surprisingly different in style and viewpoint.

Have you heard of a writer called J.K Rowling? She seems to be quite popular and is very cutting edge, she even releases errata’s to her books via twitter.

>Jane Austen

I never thought I would like Jane Austen purely based on the topics but there is a cynical sense of humour in her work I find wonderful. Plus you can read versions of her books with added monsters for the easily bored.

>>6970
>errata's

[sic]

>>6963
If you're into genre fiction, Ann Leckie (Ancillary Justice etc) and N.K Jemisen (probably mispelt her name, but it's close to that) are both very good.

For some kinder, softer, sci-fi have a look at Becky Chambers, starting with 'A long way to a small, angry, planet'

>>6963
Read Defiance and Gold In The Furnace by Savitri Devi.

Well, I'm not going to tell you how to commit crime. But if you really do want to build and run mathematical simulations then VBA is certainly not the way to go. It's clumsy, and you'll be stuck doing anything beyond the rudimentary.

C++ is the go-to language for this sort of thing (in my experience, though I expect to start an argument) but as a novice you'd be better off studying Python. It has a more intuitive syntax for developing your own algorithms. Get to grips with the basics of the ubiquitous NumPy package. And try following guides like this hastily-googled one:

https://towardsdatascience.com/monte-carlo-simulations-with-python-part-1-f5627b7d60b0

I've just read up about the algorithm here
https://www.investopedia.com/terms/m/montecarlosimulation.asp

And honestly it seems quite simple. Much simpler than formula I've built in the past.
It isn't a crystal ball for predicting the future and I'm not sold on its value as an investment tool. It clearly has real world applications but I think you would be better looking at events rather than presuming because a snapshot of the sales of pumpkins shows a significant increase of sales in October they will continue to rise in November.

>>7526
>C++ is the go-to language for this sort of thing (in my experience, though I expect to start an argument)

In my experience regardless of how obnoxious and clunky it maybe, people want these things modled in excel (not even VBA) on the vague presumption they can follow your working out. They don't trust the magic black box of 'programming'.

BEEFY ED BALLS

ED BALLS

>>63172
I don't believe this is really a photo of Ed Balls.

>>63174

ED BALLS IS A HEEL.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p06fhfvs

>>63175

Amazing. Balls for PM.

I'm not really a Bike Guy but this sounds like a solid plan to me, too, as long as you're confident you can get the parts and keep a bike that old running.

Also I've never seen a bike with sidecar park in a motorbike bay, you'd probably end up taking up two or three spaces.

>>4326
I like the plan in many ways, but the only problem is that with a sidecar you lose one of the primary benefits of having a bike - filtering through traffic; you would essentially be the width of a small car, and so would end up sitting in a lot more traffic than you would on a normal bike.

Have always wanted one too (particularly some of the old BMW ones) but not as a main/commuting bike.

>>4328

The handling of a sidecar outfit is really fucking weird. You're totally asymmetrical and the weight distribution changes radically depending on who or what is in the sidecar. It's not like you have to totally re-learn how to ride, but there is a fairly steep learning curve and a lot of your instincts can get you into trouble.

>>4327
I think pretty much every old Soviet machine was designed to be easily fixed with a hammer and some basic tools...but I've heard that the biggest problem is that you'll be doing a lot of fixing. I've never seen a sidecar in a motorbike bay either, but I've also never seen anyone riding a sidecar bike either.

>>4328
Very true, that's why I emphasised it being an alternative to a small car in this very specific set of circumstances. There isn't much benefit if you don't need to haul a bunch of shit within central London, or greater London if the ULEZ extension in 2021 proceeds as planned.

IT'S YOUR BRAIN WORMS. THEY GET OUT AT NIGHT AND HAVE A GOOD WRIGGLE IN ORDER TO GET OXYGENATED. IT HELPS YOUR MIND STAY ACTIVE.

You didn't take your makeup off.

Stop leaving your jizz in there during the night, mate. It's unhygienic

>>426187

Not sure jizz is supposed to look like that.

>>426182

Bingo. Your prize is the illustrious chair picture.

>>62673
I think Grayling might have tried to shag her, but being so incompetent he got his cock stuck in her ear.

>>62673
How do you square your conspiracy theory with the BBC's decision to write and prominently feature a story on nothing but Grayling's "record of mishaps and mistakes"?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-47419505

>>62675
Deflecting the blame from the government solely onto failing grayling.

>>62669
>£33M HERE, £13.7M THERE, EVENTUALLY IT'LL START TO ADD UP.

P&O Ferries is suing the government over its £33m settlement with Eurotunnel, in the latest controversy over the Department for Transport’s fraught no-deal Brexit preparations.

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2019/apr/26/po-sues-over-33m-eurotunnel-payout-in-brexit-ferry-fiasco

>>63168
>P&O
>P 'nd O
>Pee 'nd Ohh
>PaedO

They 'ferry' children into international waters, where the laws of man don't apply.

>>10779

This looks delicious.

>>10785

The I was going to make a clever post about how their sugar, as in actual glucose, is made out of corn but that hit a little too close to the truth and now I feel sad.

>>10783
>"We planned to top the pizzas with actual garbage but by judging to our findings people will probably eat those too"

>"Dr Mores said he had initially had moral issues with conducting the tests on humans but has since come to see the subjects as 'cheese and sauce consuming beasts' "

>"In international news; the equivalent of 5 americans were killed in Afghanistan today"

At first I thought it was an advertisement for Dominoes until I noticed 'The Onion' logo. I'd forgotten about that site.

You either end up with undercooked pizza or burnt Quorn.

>>12994

At least the "meat" on this isn't going to be a load of barbecue-flavoured floor sweepings with seams of Transglutaminase. That shit is enough to make a bloke go veggie.

>>19097

>Historically Irish were not considered properly white

well I've heard the term potato nigger for the Irish, but if you have ever really been to Ireland, the Irish tend to be white as a ghost. In a skin tone kind of way at least.

>>19101
> potato nigger
That's Belarus.

Bog Wog, I believe. Goodness knows what that'll get filtered to, but the second word rhymes with the first.

I remember when it has casual racism been acceptable around heeere?

>>19115
How is that filter ever supposed to work properly?

>>8194

The mere fact I can buy Sativa CBD pills for my chronic (heh) joint paint nowadays means the amount of opiates I take is minimal, but it's an expensive game. I strongly suspect Phizer might put a stop to medicinal use on a large scale in this country, purely because it would interupt their monopoly on the pain relief market.

Now then stonerlads.

I used to smoke a fair bit of weed. Well, to be fair I still do compared to your average person, but I find that these days it's not doing anything good for me, besides bringing on a lot of anxiety. It's been increasingly difficult to get stoned without retreating into my own head and dwelling on unpleasant thoughts.

The obvious solution is "just don't smoke weed then" but honestly, I have practically stopped already. I have maybe a joint every few weeks now, long gone are the smoke weed erry day times. Throughout my early 20s I'd smoke a lot, but for the last three or four years my use has been declining as I find myself enjoying it less and less.

Trouble is I just kind of miss it, and in the social circles I'm a part of, people are much more enthusiastic about a smoking session than, say, going out to the pub. That in itself is a pretty shit situation, but I digress. How do I stop the anxiety getting on top of me and enjoy weed again lads. I've tried acquiring more indica based strains rather than sativa, but even those are pretty heady nowadays. Everyone's mental about this Jamaican girl starscout haze nonsense nowadays and I definitely need something more mellow.

Any of you had similar experience?

>>8264
Somewhat yes. I got to a point of not really enjoying a smoke unless totally alone. Just toking with the GF brought on uncomfortable thinking and anxiety. After a couple of egged-on situations with mates where my experience quickly switched from the typical stoned fun to needing to be alone in a dark room, I figured weed wasn't suited for me any more and let it go. That was after best part of a decade being a regular, almost daily stoner.

You could consider experimenting with different administration routes - edibles, vapourising, solvent extracts.. "dabbing" is that what it’s called now? These all gave me quite varying experiences.

Perhaps it’s best to consider that, as difficult as it is to accept, for many people puffin’ da ‘erb long term does not seem to be that psychologically sustainable.

>>8264

Back in my day it was all Thai stick and squidgy black, which in retrospect turned out to have THC/CBD ratios of close to 50/50. These days, even the supposedly high-CBD strains are more like 80/20, simply because of the insanely high level of THC. The most popular strain around my way seems to be lemon haze, which is a recipe for psychosis at ~19% THC and <0.1% CBD. You could mix in some CBD extract, I suppose.

>>8267

Out of interest what era are you referring to, my smoking days/daze where early mid 90s
Sqidge was everywhere but even back then Thai sticks were spoke of in reverent terms but as something from the past and not available. Maybe just my area?

It says Fuck You. I'm not colourblind so I don't really know if this would work but can't you put it into an image editor then shift the hues until it gets to a wavelength you can see?

This is the kind of thing your mum sees on Facebook and gets into hysterics over before finally showing you her phone only to leave you wondering if you're really related at all.

It took me the longest time to see the number on my first test for colour-blindness. I thought the number they were asking me to look for was going to be printed in a little black font in one of the circles.