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>> No. 28571 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 1:05 am
28571 Minor Rants and Piss-Offs, Mark VIII
It appears largethreadmodlad has also locked the previous iteration of this thread; Mark VIII it is, then.

I take perfect care of my nails. I don't bite them, I cut in the standard flat formation every 3-5 days, and scrub under them in the shower. So why the actual fuck are my cuticles bleeding? Putting the plaster over to catch the blood means I can't play my bass properly, and that pisses me off.
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>> No. 33623 Anonymous
3rd October 2022
Monday 9:27 pm
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>>33622

I'm saying that it is in the interests of consumer capitalism to create a perpetual sense of dissatisfaction. We are constantly sold and re-sold the idea that we are not good enough, that our lives are not good enough, that what we truly desire is perpetually just out of reach.

There can be no end to this process, because the economic system in which we live is completely dependent on miserable people spending money they don't have on stuff they don't need. In a consumer capitalist society in which most people are fat, it is necessary for us to be taught that fat is ugly; equally, in a consumer capitalist society in which most people are thin, it would be necessary for us to be taught that thin is ugly. We must be told that we are inadequate so that we may be sold something which promises to cure that inadequacy.

It is not a matter of "lowering your standards", but realising that your standards were imposed on you by people who spend billions of pounds a year on psychological manipulation in order to undermine your sense of self.
>> No. 33624 Anonymous
3rd October 2022
Monday 9:36 pm
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>>33623

You would normally have a point, but this website does not own a TV, almost certainly has an adblocker installed on every device they own, and is generally at best a very minimal participant in mainstream culture. I don't think you can really describe us as helpless consumerist zombies out of They Live.

The forces you are describing exist, but the fact remains that you're just a wrong 'un, lad.
>> No. 33625 Anonymous
4th October 2022
Tuesday 2:26 am
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>>33624

There is no escape from capitalist realism.




>> No. 33626 Anonymous
4th October 2022
Tuesday 10:00 am
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>>33625
>Being a fat cunt is alright because society made me do it.

n1m8
>> No. 33627 Anonymous
4th October 2022
Tuesday 11:29 am
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>>33625

Yes there is. You just don't want to admit there is because you obtain surplus enjoyment from the impression of helpless entrapment. Just like when a fat lass plants her suffocatingly massive arse cheeks directly on your face.

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>> No. 5103 Anonymous
22nd September 2011
Thursday 9:56 pm
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THERE'S TRAFFIC AT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE JUNCTION BUT INSTEAD OF LETTING YOU PULL OUT I'M GOING TO CREEP MY CAR FORWARD A FEW METRES AND BLOCK YOU IN BECAUSE I'M AN INCONSIDERATE CUNT WHO WOULD RATHER INCONVENIENCE OTHERS JUST SO I CAN SPEED UP MY OWN JOURNEY BY A FEW SECONDS.
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>> No. 33552 Anonymous
14th September 2022
Wednesday 4:10 pm
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GONNA DRIVE REALLY FAST DOWN THESE SINGLE LANE COUNTRY ROADS EVEN THOUGH THERE'S LOADS OF BENDS AND HIGH HEDGES ON EITHER SIDE SO I'VE NO IDEA WHAT'S ROUND THE CORNER.
>> No. 33553 Anonymous
14th September 2022
Wednesday 7:38 pm
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>>33552
It's a bit like gambling, and I love gambling.
>> No. 33554 Anonymous
14th September 2022
Wednesday 11:28 pm
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>>33553
Problem is this is a bet where the highest payout is 50p and the losing bet is being shot in the chest with a bazooker.
>> No. 33555 Anonymous
15th September 2022
Thursday 12:30 am
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>>33554

Thing about gambling is it's not about the winning. It's about the risk of losing.
>> No. 33556 Anonymous
15th September 2022
Thursday 3:59 pm
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>>33555
Is it a win or a loss if you kill a horse and rider?

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>> No. 5003 Anonymous
6th September 2011
Tuesday 6:40 pm
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VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO VIMPTO
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>> No. 33474 Anonymous
8th August 2022
Monday 6:22 pm
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>>33471

It has always struck me as an inherently posh word. It's the appropriate word for the Tory party because it's the sort of word people who host village fetes and run the local neighbourhood watch can't get enough of. It's the sort of word that makes me think half the people there will show up on horseback wearing their fox hunting regalia.
>> No. 33477 Anonymous
8th August 2022
Monday 9:28 pm
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Maelstorm.
>> No. 33478 Anonymous
8th August 2022
Monday 9:32 pm
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"Specific/pacific" was probably brought up in the first ten posts of this thread, but last Friday I watched someone do it half-a-dozen times, at least, while reading the word from a presentation. Very jarring to behold.
>> No. 33547 Anonymous
6th September 2022
Tuesday 11:22 am
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On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? at the weekend, there was a question along the lines of: which of the seven deadly sins refers to laziness? Sloth and wrath were both up there, and interestingly, Jeremy Clarkson pronounced them as "sloff" and "roff". Now, if you go with the American pronunciations, that would be Sloff and Raff, or if you were a real stickler for British, and therefore correct, pronunciations, you'd say Sloaf and Roff. I was especially annoyed because I say Sloaf and Raff, so Jeremy Clarkson got them both wrong as far as I'm concerned.
>> No. 33548 Anonymous
6th September 2022
Tuesday 1:42 pm
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>>33547

He's from Doncaster.

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>> No. 32916 Anonymous
22nd March 2022
Tuesday 1:08 am
32916 Dating Moans
I thought we should just make a thread to moan and talk about the dating scene. There seems like 2 of us who are now on the arse-end of it in our 30s so I thought we could at least serve as a warning for others.

My moan is that a lass has just set a date for next Tuesday. I understand people are busy but I'm cynical enough that I'll let you know when she inevitably backs out for putting it too far into the future.
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>> No. 33339 Anonymous
9th July 2022
Saturday 11:34 pm
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>>33338
You run out of things to complain about after awhile.

>It's been a while since I've heard anything out of this thread so I'm guessing you've both shacked up with a fit foreign lass for the summer.

One woman is currently messaging me a little too much for comfort, as in I was busy all day Thursday and she sent multiple messages throughout the day continuing her own conversation. Keep in mind we haven't even had a first date yet so she'll probably never leave me alone and I'm hesitant about giving her my number.

I'm going to bite the bullet and get a proper photograph or two done. I know I can easily do better than I currently do on apps, a lot of that is down to the market but I don't have many pictures to choose from and I'm sick of dating women I have no real interest in.

>>33226
Wait, some lass honestly asked you what you're parents do? Was she an aristocrat or something?
>> No. 33340 Anonymous
10th July 2022
Sunday 1:09 am
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>>33339
>she sent multiple messages throughout the day continuing her own conversation
She might be drunk.
>> No. 33341 Anonymous
10th July 2022
Sunday 5:16 pm
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>>33338
Frenchlass is getting upset at the idea she might upset me by going back to France eventually.
>> No. 33342 Anonymous
10th July 2022
Sunday 9:29 pm
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>>33338

I've recently realised it's becoming a relationship with Czechlass. I've been on the back foot since the start because I was convinced I was deep in her friendzone, and even after we started fucking, I was relatively certain it was just a casual fling and that I'm not really her type beyond that. The penny has only just dropped recently, when she mentioned something about her friend wanting to meet me because she's "happy for [her] and wants to make sure [I'm] a good lad".

I think it's one of those cases like when you interview for a job you're sure you won't get, so you end up smashing it via the swagger of not giving a fuck. Mental honestly. We've got a very casual jokey chemistry so it's sometimes hard to tell what's bantz and what's serious, which is part of the reason I've not had my eye on the ball so to speak, but fuck it, I'm not going to overthink it when it seems to be working out alright.

>>33341

Bless. You two sound very sweet, I hope it works out well for you.
>> No. 33350 Anonymous
12th July 2022
Tuesday 12:48 am
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>>33339
>>33340
It turns out she's just incredibly proper. She went to boarding school and has lived her whole life in that bubble. It's a nah from me as she's not very fun or attractive, but at the same time she wore a sundress and I noticed her bum. Such is the duality of man.

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>> No. 30617 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 9:22 pm
30617 American Express
Who the fuck, apart from posing twats, uses one of these that ends up charging the retailer a stupid amount for a 50p can of pop at a corner shop?

I hate the fucking things.
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>> No. 32475 Anonymous
18th October 2021
Monday 5:39 am
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I pay for everything on Amex becsuse I get 0.5% cashback on it all. Sorry.

As of last week though I don't because now I get 1% on my Chase debit card.
>> No. 32476 Anonymous
18th October 2021
Monday 9:06 am
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>>30648 The bloke selling frozen fish out of a van still has one. Or did 3 years ago.
Mid 90s, I pointed out to a checkout lass that she should probably be putting the card in the machine before dragging the roller over. She looked, and had a morning's worth of blank but signed slips.
>> No. 32477 Anonymous
18th October 2021
Monday 3:02 pm
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>>32476
>She looked, and had a morning's worth of blank but signed slips.

Actually cringing at the thought.
>> No. 32581 Anonymous
21st November 2021
Sunday 12:06 am
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Dunno whether other card companies do this or how many loopholes they try to exploit but Amex promises to insure purchases against accidental damage and theft for 90 days. People who think credit cards generally are predatory, wise to avoid or in fact have any negative monetary cost whatsoever are dumb as bricks (or are just making lame excuses for their own lack of self control).

In other financial news I learned this week but slightly too late to be of use personally, the government will give assorted dolescum £1200 over four years if only they can rub two pennies together. The scheme's called Help to Save.
>> No. 32582 Anonymous
21st November 2021
Sunday 12:32 am
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>>32581

Can I, an ordinary working class person with adequate personal finances, take advantage of this in the same way companies that still had their employees working took advantage of the furlough scheme?

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>> No. 22678 Anonymous
10th May 2016
Tuesday 4:44 pm
22678 Estate/ Letting Agents
How is there not a thousand post long /101/ thread on these fuckers yet.

I'm currently having the privileged of negotiating a letting contract with them. Which they are insistent they cannot change. But it doesn't matter that my wishes for use of the property and that I informed them of originally are contradictory with because 'they just won't enforce that bit it's just legally required we put that in there' (it isn't).

This is a deal on a property where we should be moving in in 4 days they gave us the 40 page contract last night and insisted we should be signing by the end of the night that makes reference to agreeing we have seen documents they are yet to provided us with.

Oh yes and they want £150 of fees for providing this standardized contract that they seem incapable of understanding amending, or are being deliberately obtuse as to the implications of 12 months down the line and about £500 more just because.
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>> No. 30590 Anonymous
4th August 2020
Tuesday 10:51 am
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>>30588

Don't you dare compare rats to vermin like estate agents lad. That's just below the belt.
>> No. 30597 Anonymous
4th August 2020
Tuesday 3:01 pm
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>>30590

I apologise to you and to the rest of the rat community.
>> No. 30654 Anonymous
10th August 2020
Monday 1:13 pm
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The one I'm dealing with right now literally does not read my emails.

"Hi, I've sent the deposit, please confirm you have this. I also have filled in the form you wanted, please find it attached as well as the utility bill you requested."

>"Hi,

>Please send the deposit to this bank account <>. Please also >complete the form and return it along with a utility bill."

"Hi, I have already sent the deposit, utility bill and forms, please confirm you received them"

>"Hi,

>I've received the deposit. Please send the first month's rent."

"Hi, I have now sent the first month's rent. Please confirm."
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>> No. 30721 Anonymous
24th August 2020
Monday 12:22 pm
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Is it legal for my letting agent to release my phone number and email address to third party maintenance companies?
>> No. 30722 Anonymous
24th August 2020
Monday 12:49 pm
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>>30721
Depends - a specific third-party maintenance company who is involved in the maintenance of the building you're in - yes it is. Under GDPR this would qualify as "performance of a contract".

To a bunch of non-specific third-parties who then sell/market to you, no it is not.

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>> No. 30430 Anonymous
8th July 2020
Wednesday 5:40 pm
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I don't think I can take much more of this. My friends use this in almost every line of text conversation. All of them.
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>> No. 30435 Anonymous
9th July 2020
Thursday 4:00 pm
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I actually think they can be pretty handy to convey the tone in which I want some lass to read my awkward messages.
>> No. 30436 Anonymous
9th July 2020
Thursday 4:20 pm
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>>30435

Yeah, they're essential for talking to birds so they know when you're joking, or else they will genuinely just assume you're some kind of serial killer. The British sense of humour doesn't translate well to text unless the person reading it is quite sharp.
>> No. 30437 Anonymous
9th July 2020
Thursday 11:10 pm
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>>30432
> If only they knew emoji originated in Japan...
What difference would that make? Many of them see Japan as an example of a model society.
>> No. 30439 Anonymous
11th July 2020
Saturday 7:57 pm
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>>30430
Genuinely upsetting.
>> No. 30440 Anonymous
11th July 2020
Saturday 10:25 pm
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MSN Messenger winks were really just as egregious. To remember using these after school with mates.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqGJUKaaLU4

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>> No. 28764 Anonymous
23rd July 2019
Tuesday 4:48 pm
28764 Summer
Fuck off sun

It is 34 today, it'll be 37 on Thursday.
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>> No. 28845 Anonymous
27th July 2019
Saturday 3:29 pm
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been sweating my ass off all week welding in this heat. but 3 hours before i leave the fucking weekend rain starts again FML.
>> No. 30075 Anonymous
23rd May 2020
Saturday 12:57 am
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My nemesis hath returned once more and with him always seems to follow the sweary season on britfa.gs

Let us remember to repeat this mantra "is this person actually an insufferable cunt or is it simply too fucking hot"?
>> No. 30078 Anonymous
23rd May 2020
Saturday 3:41 am
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I want it to be winter again
>> No. 30079 Anonymous
23rd May 2020
Saturday 3:55 am
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>>30078
Give it a couple of months.
>> No. 30080 Anonymous
23rd May 2020
Saturday 7:49 am
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>>30078
Days start getting shorter in less then 4 weeks. ITZ COMING.

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>> No. 25338 Anonymous
2nd June 2017
Friday 10:09 pm
25338 Terrible product/marketing photos
Nothing can so easily send me into apoplectic rage and simultaneous fits of laughter as non-nonsensical photographs in advertising and marketing. I couldn't decide where this thread belongs best as it's both irritating and entertaining at the same time.

Lidl has some brilliant examples, for instance this picture of a woman who is clearly off her tits on some research chems and is seeing hallucinations of vegetables flying around her head.
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>> No. 29459 Anonymous
24th January 2020
Friday 2:59 pm
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>>29457

My ex still calls emergency vehicles "nee naws" as in, oh, pull over, here come the nee naws.

It was sort of funny but mostly very odd.
>> No. 29460 Anonymous
24th January 2020
Friday 4:13 pm
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>>29458

I was just thinking their cultural literacy must be as impressive as whoever thought [word redacted because I just got banned for an hour for posting it] was a good name for Woolworths kids beds. It's not like when you used to see accidentally goatse-looking logos and think oh well, the designer's just oblivious to memes. That was a bit enviable.
>> No. 29461 Anonymous
24th January 2020
Friday 4:23 pm
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>>29460

Maybe someone at Cummings just thought it was finally time to address the company name with a little nod.
>> No. 29462 Anonymous
24th January 2020
Friday 6:47 pm
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>>29456
>> No. 29469 Anonymous
26th January 2020
Sunday 11:33 am
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>>27716
I used to read a trade mag called Computing. They had a long-running gag about "black women with routers". And it was true, almost without fail every advert for a router used to have a very happy-looking black woman holding it.

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>> No. 29018 Anonymous
27th September 2019
Friday 9:39 pm
29018 Magazines
I get that magazines are more or less obsolete now, except for a few silly sods like me who impulse buy them from time to time.
But how exactly have we ended up with the "November" issues hitting the shelves in September?
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>> No. 29019 Anonymous
27th September 2019
Friday 9:40 pm
29019 spacer
It's called a quarterly.
>> No. 29020 Anonymous
27th September 2019
Friday 9:44 pm
29020 spacer
No, it's definitely monthly.
>> No. 29021 Anonymous
27th September 2019
Friday 9:46 pm
29021 spacer
It's four weekly.

https://www.practicalfishkeeping.co.uk/store/back-issues/practical-fishkeeping
>> No. 29022 Anonymous
27th September 2019
Friday 10:19 pm
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It's mainly for the benefit of WH Smith. Nobody likes buying old magazines, so releasing the "November" issue in September extends the shelf life. Also, international subscribers feel like they're getting the latest issue even if it takes six weeks to arrive by surface mail.
>> No. 29023 Anonymous
27th September 2019
Friday 10:54 pm
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The cover date is for the newsagent, not you. It's the date when they're supposed to withdraw the issue from sale. Typically a monthly magazine will publish either 12 or 13 issues per year (the latter usually includes a Christmas issue). In this case, the November issue goes on sale from 25/09, and will be removed from the shelves around 01/11, by which time the December issue should have turned up.

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>> No. 29001 Anonymous
20th September 2019
Friday 1:28 am
29001 Shit neighbours
Fuck me, the dolescum that live in the "affordable housing" block (see: corporate slumlords) next to me insist on being as loud and obnoxious as possible next to an open window that then reverbs around the close well into the early hours of the morning. It wouldn't be an issue if this wasn't the fourth night this week they'd done it and the countless of several weeks on the trot.

They've had the police called on them for noise disturbances to no avail and doubtlessly have been reported to the housing association (£££) more than once but is there anything that I, personally, can do to stop it? I've asked them nicely countless times (through my window with the blinds closed at night, naturally) only to be met with profanity and increased noise disturbance. I may have snapped at a particularly bad day today and screamed for them to shut the fuck up but it didn't seem to do much except likely irk my neighbours further. And yes, my intended recipients definitely heard.

FWIW affordable housing is great but underclasses that are content being underclasses taking up flats more proactive people could use fucks me off to no end.
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>> No. 29002 Anonymous
20th September 2019
Friday 4:36 am
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Tip the police off that the house is being used to sell drugs. Scum like that always have drugs anyway so the rozzers are bound to find something nickable.

Bear in mind that snitches get stitches and now you've screamed at them they'll probably blame you for anything like that. I know it's obvious advice but keep your head down, save what you can and fight tooth and nail for a better job that lets you move far, far away.
>> No. 29003 Anonymous
20th September 2019
Friday 6:29 am
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Is this the first time you've actually had to encounter the great unwashed? Your options are either to join in with them or do what everyone else in the country does by getting as far away from them as possible. You will not change their behaviour.
>> No. 29004 Anonymous
20th September 2019
Friday 9:36 am
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I find I'm okay with it if I just think of it as an ongoing drama that I catch snippets of.

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>> No. 28995 Anonymous
19th September 2019
Thursday 1:47 pm
28995 Bluetooth
Did you know that bluetooth is named after King Harald 'Bluetooth' of Denmark. Supposedly because he succeeded in getting the tribes of Denmark to communicate with each other and unite with each other? This in spite of the fact that a meaningful modern "kingdom" as we would understand the term didn't really emerge until another 50 years or so after his death and in fact he simply consolidated the Jutland peninsula? When I try to make my computer and my speakers communicate with each other I can tell.

Also he was ovethrown and forced into exile by his own son for being so crap. The son, Sveyn Forkbeard, would later go on to conquer, and become king of, England (which actually was a real kingdom already). Bluetooth has been giving me shit for over a thousand years.
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>> No. 28996 Anonymous
19th September 2019
Thursday 3:47 pm
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Just plug stuff in, lol.

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>> No. 28784 Anonymous
23rd July 2019
Tuesday 10:47 pm
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The next round of Marvel films is going to have Natalie Portman as Thor, Goddess of Thunder; a gay superhero; a deaf superhero; a Chinese superhero; etc. etc. It's going to be diverse, in short.

I'm not posting this to moan about that. I'm posting this pre-emptively to moan about all the moaning. It's coming, you can tell. People can't just shut up and watch their fucking kid's films about aliens and magic, whatever gender or colour the people in them happen to be.
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>> No. 28819 Anonymous
24th July 2019
Wednesday 8:12 pm
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I've seen far, far more "moral imperative etc." about I, Daniel Blake than anything Hollywood has ever made.
>> No. 28820 Anonymous
25th July 2019
Thursday 2:27 am
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>>28817

The problem with Ghostbusters 2016 as an example is that it's pretty difficult to argue that the political agenda didn't get in the way of it being a good film. That film was fucking shit, and it wasn't shit because it had women instead of men. It was fucking shit because they were clearly more bothered about subverting expectations and forecasting shipping than they were about writing a good script or hiring actresses who could actually carry a joke.

At best it made no impact at all and everyone has just forgotten about it, but at worst it's had a negative impact for the people it was trying to help.
>> No. 28821 Anonymous
25th July 2019
Thursday 12:39 pm
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If I wanted to watch Ghostbusters but not Ghostbusters then I'd watch Evolution. It's a very underrated film.
>> No. 28822 Anonymous
25th July 2019
Thursday 1:42 pm
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>>28784
>I'm posting this pre-emptively to moan about all the moaning. It's coming, you can tell.
And come it did. Well done, OP.
>> No. 28823 Anonymous
25th July 2019
Thursday 1:47 pm
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>>28820
I wasn't addressing why it was shit, but I still think you're wrong in your reasoning on that matter. I can't be arsed going through it though, you'll just have to imagine me being all smart and long-winded.

Too hot to talk about Ghostbusters 2016. Too bloody hot.

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>> No. 25832 Anonymous
24th September 2017
Sunday 10:16 pm
25832 BRITFA.GS /101/ MARK VII Locked
The old thread is well over 30MB, so I think we're due a new one.

Some cunt threw a firecracker in front of my bike today. If I hadn't seen the little scrote and his little scrote mates running I wouldn't have noticed until it was too late.
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>> No. 28566 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 8:31 am
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I need to stop doing deep-dives into bigoted teen eskimo Tweeter. Shit's too retarded.
>> No. 28567 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 1:07 pm
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>>28565

I'm learning to be obsequious in Mandarin. It probably won't save me from the forced labour camps, but it might earn me an extra bowl of rice while I'm there.

>他做到了! 杀死叛徒!
>> No. 28568 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 1:22 pm
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>>28567
You turncoat bastard, I'll have your hide before I take their rice!
>> No. 28569 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 2:03 pm
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>>28567
我的气垫船装满了鳗鱼
>> No. 28570 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 5:27 pm
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The cyclist today who saw an older lady crossing the road at a t-junction and approached it at near full speed, purposefully moving so his path was aligned with hers so he could go 'Watch it!' before cycling straight out of the junction and nearly being sidelined by a taxi with right of way.

I am a huge, huge fan of getting more people to cycle but some London cyclists can be a little bellicose at times and misunderstand their commute to work for the first stage of the Tour De France.

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