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>> No. 426868 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 5:49 pm
426868 Dream Thread Mk. II
Fitter when she was fat edition.

You know the drill lads. Here are a few helpful links in order to help you further your proficiency at dreaming, and hopefully elevate the quality of discussion about our nocturnal adventures:



78 posts and 4 images omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 428729 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 7:51 pm
428729 spacer
What's your point? Always check your contract? Get specific instructions about the role?
>> No. 428733 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 9:15 pm
428733 spacer
An awful lot of background work is unpaid, and "think fast, Malkovich" is unlikely to fly these days.
>> No. 428845 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 9:51 pm
428845 spacer

One of my mates was an extra on Eastenders once. I think all he had to do was walk through a shot in the background of a scene about a dozen times until they got that scene right. I'm not sure if he actually got paid, but he did say he was allowed to eat as much of the on-set catering as he wanted. And apparently the catering was really good there.
>> No. 428846 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 11:06 pm
428846 spacer
Food on sets is a bit of a minefield. Strictly speaking, catering is the meals, and for some reason probably lost to history the stuff in between is "craft service". There's a definite pecking order for catering - talent, principals, senior crew, junior crew, background. Craft is a bit more variable, where sometimes you'll have separate spreads and sometimes everything will be laid out in one. BBC productions need to be mindful that they're handling public funds, so it's not a good look for them if extras who are in effect paying for the food don't get to eat it.
>> No. 428852 Anonymous
16th July 2019
Tuesday 12:32 am
428852 spacer

> so it's not a good look for them if extras who are in effect paying for the food don't get to eat it.

Would you say that private-television productions are more strict with their free food then?

I want to play my cards right if I ever want to start a side career as an unpaid extra.

Speaking of, whatever happened to those web sites where you can advertise your private car to production companies in the hope that they will hire it for a shoot? I put my old MkI Golf GTI on one of those sites back in the day, about ten years ago, but then that site suddenly just disappeared completely from the web and I never heard from them again. It didn't me cost anything to have my car listed with them, but still...

>> No. 425684 Anonymous
5th April 2019
Friday 11:36 pm
425684 spacer
So am I the only one who is getting a bit annoyed by this whole Greta Thunberg cult, or am I just too much of a cold hearted cynic that the world would be better off without?

I don't doubt the legitimate concern of her generation over climate change, after all it will fall to them to sort out the utter fucking mess that we have left the planet in, but all the awards that she is now being showered with are IMO just middle aged and old people's guilt over their own failure to save the planet's climate despite having had decades of prior warning, and who lost their way and succumbed to high carbon footprint consumerism somewhere between 1990s road protest villages and today's school runs in a 4x4. None of it feels sincere or genuine, it's more like, yeah, just take all these awards and shut the hell up already.

And parents whose children now protest every Friday or so are now engaging in pissing matches on twitter and Instagram to show off which one of their kids gets the most involved. As one commenter said, nothing good has ever come of a youth protest movement that was applauded by parents.
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>> No. 428849 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 11:51 pm
428849 spacer

Thats all well and good, but why not do both? We can be more efficient AND have less people, then it's twice as better for the animals, and global warming will be a distant memory.
>> No. 428850 Anonymous
16th July 2019
Tuesday 12:00 am
428850 spacer

200 million global population in a technological hunter-gatherer culture, is basically perfect.
>> No. 428851 Anonymous
16th July 2019
Tuesday 12:14 am
428851 spacer
Oh, good, the paleo-pillocks are here.
>> No. 428853 Anonymous
16th July 2019
Tuesday 3:47 am
428853 spacer

How do you propose that we reduce the population? The global birth rate is already at replacement; the only reason the population continues to grow is because of increasing life expectancies. We're already facing serious demographic problems because of the increasing proportion of the population that is elderly; any further reduction would push us towards a crisis.

If you're serious about reducing our resource use by reducing the population, there's only one sane answer - kill all the white people. The average white person uses the same amount of natural resources as eight brown-eyed people. Are you volunteering for The Quietus?
>> No. 428854 Anonymous
16th July 2019
Tuesday 4:29 am
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Not him, but I can think of 17 million people here and 60 million in the US that would make a good start.

>> No. 425247 Anonymous
18th March 2019
Monday 1:45 pm
425247 spacer
New mid-week thread.

I've got the feeling I was meant to look something up but I can't remember what and it's bugging me.
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>> No. 428837 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 7:09 pm
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That just sounds like Radio 2 with extra steps.
>> No. 428838 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 7:13 pm
428838 spacer
When I volunteered for my uni's student radio station, we had 3 seperate show applications with the title "Bangers and Mash".
>> No. 428839 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 7:13 pm
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>That just sounds like Radio 2 with fewer sex offenders.

>> No. 428840 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 7:16 pm
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>> No. 428844 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 9:10 pm
428844 spacer
I quote this all the time to my m8s, but I've never made the connection until now. Fuck, I could have made some right jingles for them.

>> No. 427053 Anonymous
24th May 2019
Friday 7:06 pm
427053 spacer
New weekend thread.

How's it going, lads? What are you up to this weekend?
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>> No. 428798 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 5:57 am
428798 spacer
Woke myself up with a fart this morning.

I thought that was just a joke people made, I had no idea it could actually happen.
>> No. 428799 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 9:20 am
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Could .gs have saved him?
>> No. 428800 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 9:20 am
428800 spacer

You only need one minute if you use the buckle end.
>> No. 428814 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 2:58 pm
428814 spacer
Bolt-modded my Model M.

Christ, I liked it before, but now it's like typing on a very clicky, very haptic cloud.
>> No. 428843 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 8:08 pm
428843 spacer
Jealous, but I love you.

61ytwXSPd L._SL1500_.jpg
>> No. 428025 Anonymous
25th June 2019
Tuesday 10:52 pm
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My other half has squeezed all of the washing up liquid into a Kilner bottle.

Lads, I don't get it. I really don't get it. I mean, I gave up trying to understand women a long time ago but every now and then something happens that leaves me utterly flummoxed beyond all comprehension. Is 'WITH NOTHING TO SAY BECAUSE I AM A CUNT' still wordfiltered? I mean, she's moved it from one bottle... to another bottle. It doesn't even pour that well so you always end up using more than you intended to. I doubt anyone in the entire history of humankind has ever thought "washing up liquid in a glass bottle, nice." It's bright yellow and she also pours the cooking oil into a Kilner bottle, which she doesn't store too far away from it, so I can almost certainly guarantee at some point in the future she'll end up frying food in washing up liquid. The lid is also a faff. Just... why? Why, lads?

Can you lads please reassure me that your lasses do stupid shit like this?
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>> No. 428694 Anonymous
11th July 2019
Thursday 12:36 pm
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>I'm only unsure if it's a conscious decision.

It's a well established system.
>> No. 428709 Anonymous
11th July 2019
Thursday 4:48 pm
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>Certainly the way one of my friends had been doing. 

I remember hearing a radio interview once where they interviewed one of those women who do phone sex for pay. And she said one time, an older chap called her and asked her if she could help him figure out how to wank himself off. This was before the Internet, or at least before the elderly warmed up to it.

Anyway, apparently the chap said that his wife had died a while ago, and that she was the only person he was ever intimate with since they got married in their teenage years.

The poor lad was so dependent on his late wife that he never even learned to properly wank himself off.
>> No. 428721 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 8:03 am
428721 spacer
That sex must have been mind-blowing.
>> No. 428722 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 8:12 am
428722 spacer
That or she forbade him from doing it.
>> No. 428724 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 11:44 am
428724 spacer
If a man wants to wank, a man wanks. There are chaps climbing the Machu Picchu trail who are doing it and there are ten years plus Gitmo detainees indulging as well.

>> No. 428673 Anonymous
10th July 2019
Wednesday 5:17 pm
428673 It has begun
Be on the lookout lads.

I think it is today.

The bastards.
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>> No. 428680 Anonymous
10th July 2019
Wednesday 8:20 pm
428680 spacer

I don't know how important to biodiversity flying ants are* and I'm not going to ask you to do anything in particular other than please consider the fact that you're just making the place hostile to life while you're doing it.

*I bet they're good food for the birds at least.
>> No. 428681 Anonymous
10th July 2019
Wednesday 8:52 pm
428681 spacer
Honestly don't think I've ever had a problem with loads of flying ants. Do you lads live in the Bible? Is Beeston in Ancient Egypt?
>> No. 428682 Anonymous
10th July 2019
Wednesday 8:57 pm
428682 spacer

Bugger the ants if it means my parents' driveway has to go on being wonky.

But seriously, there's enough of them everywhere else in the back garden already. I don't think it's going to put any kind of dent into their survival as a species or the biodiversity on my parents' property if I repave around 1000 square feet of brick and make it ant proof. And by waiting until after they've flown out, it should ensure that they had the opportunity to go on starting more colonies elsewhere. So they can do without the few nests that happen to be under those bricks.

As it is, my parents' back garden is home to nearly a dozen bird species that my mum has counted, as well as lush grass areas where weeds are free to grow, and all manner of trees and bushes. It's really a well-kept jungle. There's even a pair of song thrush nesting in that one apple tree, which, although they're not an endangered species as such, is somewhat rare these days.

So again, bugger the ants under those bricks.
>> No. 428683 Anonymous
10th July 2019
Wednesday 9:05 pm
428683 spacer

Yeah, if they're making themselves at home in "unnatural" places (human-built places) then odds are there are more of them than there would be in a natural environment.
Still, good to keep it in mind.
>> No. 428684 Anonymous
10th July 2019
Wednesday 11:28 pm
428684 spacer

>Anybody know if I can just fill up the sunken-in patches with playground sand as I repave the areas?

You really want grit sand, which has a coarse texture that provides good stability and drainage. Playground sand is likely to have a finer texture, which could present problems down the line with subsidence or poor drainage. A 25kg bag of grit sand should cost about £2-£3 from your local builder's merchant; coarse sharp sand will do the job, but building sand is too fine. You'll also need some jointing sand for brushing into the gaps in the laid paviors, which is a) kiln dried so it flows easily and b) has very high friction to lock the paviors together. This is a bit more pricey at £4-£6 a bag, but it's worth the extra.

>> No. 428568 Anonymous
7th July 2019
Sunday 9:11 am
428568 spacer
A permaban for 'having some sort of mental breakdown' by posting about an old woman buying 16 packets of crumpets?

Clearly Big Toast is behind this. They've always been wary of crumpets.
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>> No. 428618 Anonymous
8th July 2019
Monday 5:45 am
428618 spacer
> Nothing sorts out a hangover like a bacon butty.

Someone's never tried a line of speed, two aspirin, five double gin and tonics and a kit kat chunky.
>> No. 428621 Anonymous
8th July 2019
Monday 9:24 am
428621 spacer

They did, but it was just a normal food rather than as other lad put it, a defining characteristic.

Bacon is okay but it's no birdseye steakhouse grills with chips

>> No. 428622 Anonymous
8th July 2019
Monday 9:50 am
428622 spacer

You're both wrong. A teaspoon of salt with a big glass of water or milk and half a Nytol. You'll wake up two or three hours later feeling like nothing happened.
>> No. 428623 Anonymous
8th July 2019
Monday 10:15 am
428623 spacer
When I have a hangover I like to eat lots of ready salted crisps. If I'm up to it I may have a crisp sandwich but sometimes I'm so hanging the bread will make me heave.
>> No. 428627 Anonymous
8th July 2019
Monday 12:34 pm
428627 spacer

That's enough out of you, Hunter S. Thompson.


>> No. 427812 Anonymous
21st June 2019
Friday 6:18 pm
427812 spacer
This week’s puzzle marks the opening round of a national competition in which Guardian readers have traditionally performed strongly over many years.

You have to work out how White, playing as usual up the board in the diagram, can force checkmate in two moves, however Black defends.

The puzzle is the first stage of the Winton British Chess Solving Championship, organised by the British Chess Problem Society and open to any British resident. Entry is free and the prize fund will be at least £1,225.


It's the pawn to H8, right?
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>> No. 427855 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 2:08 pm
427855 spacer
I'm wondering whether it can be brute-forced. The criteria here is essentially that for the correct white move, white has a mating response to every black move. In this position, there are 38 legal moves for white and 13 moves for black, but some of the white moves are checks which narrow down the possibilities for black. For example, after Rf5+ the only legal move is Nxf5.

If black doesn't use the rook, it has to move something else.
e7 Nf5 Rxf5#
e7 N{f3,g2} Rf5#
e7 Rf8 exf8Q#
e7 d[65] Re6#
e7 c6 Qd6#

I don't think there's an immediate mate from e7 g6 though.
>> No. 427856 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 2:51 pm
427856 spacer

>> No. 427861 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 4:21 pm
427861 spacer
D'oh! In that case, I think we have our answer. 1. e7 ... leads to inevitable mate in one.
>> No. 428577 Anonymous
7th July 2019
Sunday 4:46 pm
428577 spacer
White and Black join forces.
>> No. 428585 Anonymous
7th July 2019
Sunday 7:20 pm
428585 spacer
"Move the other colour" was occasionally the solution to some of the odder problems, but it's not been allowed for decades.

>> No. 428480 Anonymous
4th July 2019
Thursday 10:50 pm
428480 Ship tracker
Only just discoved this exists

thought you guys would get a kick out of it.

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>> No. 428519 Anonymous
5th July 2019
Friday 6:19 pm
428519 spacer
You mean yours did.
>> No. 428520 Anonymous
5th July 2019
Friday 6:55 pm
428520 spacer

what an odd and toxic lie.
>> No. 428521 Anonymous
5th July 2019
Friday 7:21 pm
428521 spacer
>> No. 428522 Anonymous
5th July 2019
Friday 7:26 pm
428522 spacer
Remember to stop if anything gets sore, dadlad.

>Do anything over the weekend, Steve?
>I had an argument about boats, or wanking, I'm not sure which.
>> No. 428523 Anonymous
5th July 2019
Friday 8:03 pm
428523 spacer
This is how we do it
It's Friday night, and I feel all right
The cunt-off's here on the West Side

>> No. 428295 Anonymous
1st July 2019
Monday 6:14 pm
428295 spacer
How wealthy are you?


I'm 30 and in the bottom 50% - approximately £50,000 equity in my house, £26,000 in pensions but next to fuck all in savings.
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>> No. 428466 Anonymous
4th July 2019
Thursday 6:35 pm
428466 spacer
Why not into a universal hatred of shareholders and CEOs of corporations that are actively doing things that will kill us?
>> No. 428467 Anonymous
4th July 2019
Thursday 6:40 pm
428467 spacer
We had a lad who did that before. He complained that he had to give greater scrutiny to would be migrants from parts of Africa notorious for fraudulent applications, as he thought that was racial profiling.
>> No. 428468 Anonymous
4th July 2019
Thursday 6:48 pm
428468 spacer
Let in anyone better than an 8, reject anyone worse than a 6, and use your judgement on anyone in between.
>> No. 428469 Anonymous
4th July 2019
Thursday 6:53 pm
428469 spacer
Dick sizes aren't listed on their forms mate.
>> No. 428470 Anonymous
4th July 2019
Thursday 6:55 pm
428470 spacer
Some people have no imagination.

>> No. 428279 Anonymous
1st July 2019
Monday 3:00 pm
428279 spacer
Has anyone else noticed public social events and groups have begun attaching non-sequentially political stances to themselves lately or is it just the weird circles I move in?

Things like and I'm not making any of these up:

non trans excusionary dance group
fisherperson rave
kink board gaming
Non-binary collectable card game meet up.

Maybe I'm cynical because I assume, you don't need to say you don't drown puppies, for people to assume you don't drown puppies. And because I once attended a left wing comedy night where we were given a speech before hand about how to react to the performers and not show any discord that taints my view of anything like this.
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>> No. 428363 Anonymous
3rd July 2019
Wednesday 2:53 pm
428363 spacer
"They were" as opposed to "he/she was" has always seemed sinisterly final to me as if you're referring to the subject in an obituary.

Alex is a pretty sound person and I doubt would mind much if somebody got their preferred pronoun wrong in an innocent enough context.

Used to do Jim Davidson impressions but I kept getting asked to speak at BXP conferences.
>> No. 428364 Anonymous
3rd July 2019
Wednesday 2:56 pm
428364 spacer

>"They were" as opposed to "he/she was" has always seemed sinisterly final to me as if you're referring to the subject in an obituary.

You say that as if you didn't just use Limmy's obituary joke anyway. I assumed this person actually was dead.
>> No. 428367 Anonymous
3rd July 2019
Wednesday 3:01 pm
428367 spacer

One thing that really puts me off is the incessant churning out of ever-new vocabulary and pseudo definitions among those types. So now it's gatekeeping, in the past it has been anything from microaggression to cultural appropriation. All of them not necessarily invalid concepts (except for microaggression, which is a fucking joke commonly perpetuated by people who can't deal with even the most mild baseline harshness of everyday life), but certainly words that were overused to death and lost much of their meaning in the process because everybody would just shout them at this, that, and the other.
>> No. 428368 Anonymous
3rd July 2019
Wednesday 3:02 pm
428368 spacer
Still can't find the "now he gets it" sketch from Limmy's Show on YouTube anymore, so annoyed it got taken down.

Sage for not really caring about this thread.
>> No. 428704 Anonymous
11th July 2019
Thursday 2:05 pm
428704 spacer
Yet again reminds me of that chapter about Randy, his then-girlfriend and their 'friends' in Cryptonomicon.
Especially the part when they broke up.

>> No. 427901 Anonymous
23rd June 2019
Sunday 8:43 pm
427901 spacer
Has anyone ever attempted to make a foodstuff that is 100% useful to your body where none of it will be shat out the other end?
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>> No. 428028 Anonymous
25th June 2019
Tuesday 11:16 pm
428028 spacer
Like some kind of weaponised cloak sweat?
>> No. 428041 Anonymous
26th June 2019
Wednesday 8:39 am
428041 spacer
>>428028 In all this rain, what with constantly going in & out, I've been seriously considering a cloak or poncho or something. I'm sure I spend more than 10 minutes a day wrestling my arms in & out of coats.
Problem is, it's a fucking cloak. Surely there's some alternative. At the moment, I'm tending to just wear a big hat, but that's not ideal either.
>> No. 428042 Anonymous
26th June 2019
Wednesday 9:17 am
428042 spacer
How is it you find putting a coat on so difficult?
>> No. 428139 Anonymous
28th June 2019
Friday 2:35 pm
428139 spacer

There's nothing wrong with a cloak. Pitch yourself into the cup of tea!
>> No. 428185 Anonymous
29th June 2019
Saturday 5:27 pm
428185 spacer
What about the health benefits of Kefir? Or is that bunk too?

>> No. 415204 Anonymous
25th January 2018
Thursday 7:50 pm
415204 spacer
How much of this fair land of ours have you lads actually visited?

I've just been thinking about it and there's so many places in Britain I've never particularly laid my eyes on, especially the scenery and landscapes of Scotland. What are the "hidden gems" here that you would recommend people really should visit at least once in their lives? Unhidden gems too, for that matter.
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>> No. 427711 Anonymous
19th June 2019
Wednesday 12:13 pm
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I have almost the same exact question except I'm open to travelling to places by car/motorbike.
>> No. 427712 Anonymous
19th June 2019
Wednesday 12:15 pm
427712 spacer
The bits of Scotland served by good public transport links probably aren't going to fulfill his wish of having as few other people as people, at least that was my experience when I was in the highlands last November. I can't imagine how overcrowded it gets in the warmer months.
>> No. 427719 Anonymous
19th June 2019
Wednesday 2:00 pm
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>> No. 427726 Anonymous
19th June 2019
Wednesday 5:29 pm
427726 spacer

Maybe the Peak District via Sheffield? There are adequate bus links from Sheffield city centre to most of the national park area.
>> No. 427999 Anonymous
25th June 2019
Tuesday 2:17 pm
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I went to Rendlesham forest about a month ago, it was lovely (no aliens, unfortunately). Gonna hopefully be going up to Thetford forest, soon.

>> No. 424490 Anonymous
24th February 2019
Sunday 5:23 pm
424490 Speed Dating
Any of the you lads tried speed dating before? Any tips or stories to share?

I'm thinking of giving it a go as I moved to London recently and haven't had much luck with meeting women through friends-of-friends. I must admit though, the thought of scorecards is a bit unsettling but maybe it's a sign of the more serious searching for a partner that I should be doing. Will give you an update if I find the bottle for it.
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>> No. 427740 Anonymous
19th June 2019
Wednesday 10:27 pm
427740 spacer

Did you? I thought I was the funny one.
>> No. 427748 Anonymous
19th June 2019
Wednesday 11:24 pm
427748 spacer

I was the other extreme for part of my life, especially in adolescence and until about my mid-20s, in that I was skinny bordering on the unhealthy, and being skinny and having no muscle as a lad is or was often still perceived as lacking manliness. One or two lasses that I had sex with at least I got laid occasionally even told me that I was really skinny for a guy and that they normally preferred more blokey looking blokes.

It was only when I started working out regularly that I overcame my self esteem issues in that respect as I saw my muscles gradually grow from a bit of weight lifting. Nowadays, I'd say I am of average build, with an average amount of upper body muscle for a guy in general. Women don't complain. I just don't seem to have the right genes to be ripped like some lads who pretty much just have to think of dumbbells in their head in order to make their biceps grow.
>> No. 427772 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 7:58 pm
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I'm still the same, but I've found I just need to play to my strengths. It works a charm for pulling bisexual girls who are up for threesomes, because I have a lot of the traits they find attractive in women anyway except with a gigantic knob.

I don't have any insecurity about being a smaller, feminine, less intimidating bloke, but I think what I have developed instead is a sort of contempt for that concept of rugged, chiselled manliness. I've never wanted to be that, and I can't see the appeal in it. Even when I play games, I don't want to be the bloke built like a brick shithouse, I want to be some form of sneaky bastard who'll stick you in the back.

I just don't really get it, if I'm being honest, and it has always seemed to me that the lads who are really ripped, rugby players or gym addicts, supposedly they want to be hard men so that they can attract ladies, but they're the biggest closet bumders I've ever witnessed. Rugby lads in particular are another breed. "Wheeeey, remember that time I fucked Daz in the arse after he got out the shower? Whaaaay fuckin top bantz m8"
>> No. 427774 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 8:22 pm
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>Whaaaay fuckin top bantz m8

That certainly is top bantz.
>> No. 427780 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 11:41 pm
427780 spacer
I did it once and there was this probably-older-than-the-age-group bird who'd obviously had a few too many making an utter spectacle of herself. Topic of conversation for a couple of my dates during the evening.

A few weeks later I did a more casual meet-and-greet event in a nearby but different town.... and she was one of the ones running it. Obviously a plant to get the female numbers up at the speed dating event (as it was there were more men than women, everyone had one date that evening where they sat at their table and did little more than play with their phone for 5 minutes), and maybe help out the organiser at the same time.

I have not done a similar event since.

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