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>> No. 364298 Anonymous
14th November 2013
Thursday 4:47 pm
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ITT: Weird dreams you've had lately.

I actually dreamed last night that I was in Australia, visiting the two blokes from the Foster's adverts in their beach hut. Sure enough, they gave me a Foster's, and I said "cheers, guys"... and then one of them said to me "oh no mayt, we don't say cheers heere. We say 'You little ripper!'"

Quite bizarre... has this dream got any deeper meaning, or have I just been watching too much telly lately?
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>> No. 426567 Anonymous
9th May 2019
Thursday 2:18 pm
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>Honestly, can't a chap have lovely evening of bum fun in a seaside town without his character being impugned?

Every human being has a moral right to be a bumlord if that is what they enjoy.
>> No. 426591 Anonymous
9th May 2019
Thursday 4:26 pm
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>> No. 426600 Anonymous
9th May 2019
Thursday 4:32 pm
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Bumlord is far too grandiose a title. At best, I am a minor bum civil servant, perhaps a bum councillor. Certainly not a bum mayor or a bum MP.
>> No. 426602 Anonymous
9th May 2019
Thursday 4:39 pm
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I was entirely unaware that that sort of hierarchy exists among members of your persuasion.

Granted, some people always appear gayer than others, but not to the point that you'd think there are ranks involved.
>> No. 426603 Anonymous
9th May 2019
Thursday 4:44 pm
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If I remember correctly, Pink Floyd's "The Wall" had an actual BumQC in it.
>> No. 426608 Anonymous
9th May 2019
Thursday 5:35 pm
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Surely this would mean there's a bum head of state, a bum king if you will. Who's currently occupying the bum throne, as it were?
>> No. 426613 Anonymous
9th May 2019
Thursday 6:06 pm
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Maybe there is even a brain bum somewhere.

I'll get my coat.
>> No. 426615 Anonymous
9th May 2019
Thursday 6:19 pm
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The bum monarchy's line of succession is disputed since the Great Bum Schism of 1991. Currently the legitimate crown is held by either Sir Ian McKellen or Rylan Clark-Neal.
>> No. 426617 Anonymous
9th May 2019
Thursday 6:27 pm
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I remember the Bum Wars in the early noughties. A lot of good men were lost.
>> No. 426666 Anonymous
9th May 2019
Thursday 11:07 pm
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Weird one last night. I was at a remote mountain top restaurant that you could only get to with a cable car. And there was a big granite boulder at the top of the mountain that had the name of the place (which I can't remember) and the words "Elev. 6,000 ft" carved into it. One of my mates was with me and he told me it was the highest elevation in Britain, and that the place was used both as a tourist restaurant and a maximum security prison. And I remember saying, "well that seems like an unwise combination". I also doubted the bit about it being the highest elevation in Britain. But my friend said, "Think about it, you're on top of a mountain, with steep cliffs all around you. Where are you gonna go if you want to break out of prison?". And then I remember we went up to the observation platform, and underneath its walls, the sides of the mountain really dropped down vertically a few hundred feet. I looked down and really felt my fear of heights kicking in.
>> No. 426703 Anonymous
10th May 2019
Friday 10:01 pm
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I remember the days when the eighth Duke of Bummington, son of Dorothy of Bumsworth, gave up his right to the throne to be with his lover, the Earl of Fappingsbury.

Glorious days they were.
>> No. 426704 Anonymous
10th May 2019
Friday 10:06 pm
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Sounds like a slightly more exciting alternate reality version of Snowdon.
>> No. 426705 Anonymous
11th May 2019
Saturday 12:23 am
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The actual highest point in Britain is the roof of a crappy shed on top of ben nevis. I climed on top of it because what would be the point of not if you are already there.
>> No. 426706 Anonymous
11th May 2019
Saturday 12:48 am
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There's some weird processing on that image and it's giving me the creeps.
>> No. 426707 Anonymous
11th May 2019
Saturday 12:59 am
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I went on holiday in the Bernese Alps two years ago. Some of their mountains are 14,000 feet high. It makes everything we have in Britain seem a bit underwhelming.
>> No. 426708 Anonymous
11th May 2019
Saturday 8:09 pm
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Sure, it feels like almost a punchline when I go off mountaineering when people ask me about our highest peak. A nice Japanese man on Mt. Fuji almost couldn't hold back his laughter of contempt when I told him it was 1.3km we were easily standing at twice that at the time.
>> No. 426709 Anonymous
11th May 2019
Saturday 8:29 pm
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I went skiing in the French Alps once as a younglad. They have some craking glacier ski resorts there that are situated at 2,000 metres and more.

Worst fucking sunburn I ever had on my face in my entire life. The sun is much more intense up there, and it gets reflected off the snow the whole day because at that altitude you almost never have any clouds. And if you're a ginger Brit, it's like putting your face in a frying pan.

If you ever go there, that special glacier sun cream with SPF30 to 50 and a good pair of glacier sunglasses with side shields are going to be your most valuable possession.
>> No. 426710 Anonymous
11th May 2019
Saturday 8:44 pm
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The opaque zinc stuff that cricketers use looks ridiculous, but by god it works. A buff can also work really well - it keeps the wind off your face and it's completely opaque, but it doesn't really hinder your breathing.
>> No. 426711 Anonymous
11th May 2019
Saturday 9:50 pm
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I actually had a pretty great pair of glacial glasses that I have ended up buying 3 times because occasionally when I'm drunk i lose the bastard things. When I did the Alps (pic above related) I tried doing it my old pair of cat 3s (it was post a drunken losing) and one day I ended up having to squint in the mid day sun all the the way back along the glacier. I also have a modernized replica of the original style julbo made. But it annoying carried a few design flaws with its heritage. (should probably get them repaired at some point.)

In terms of sun screen best stuff you can get is the little bottles they sell for babies in the chemist they are spf50 and UVB 4-5 stars.
>> No. 426712 Anonymous
11th May 2019
Saturday 10:29 pm
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I used to own a pair of Julbo Vermont glacier glasses. Great classical style glasses with soft leather side shields. Really the best kind you can get. Pretty expensive too at about £100, and that was already a discount. Not really sure what happened to them, it's been ages since I went skiing, they're probably in my old room somewhere at my parents' house.
>> No. 426713 Anonymous
11th May 2019
Saturday 11:33 pm
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You could have mentioned about how we don't have to risk garotting ourselves on local electricity grid infrastructure because the lack of catastrophic seisimic activity means we can keep that stuff underground. Japanese skies are a mess of wires.
>> No. 426714 Anonymous
11th May 2019
Saturday 11:52 pm
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That's only for cities though. Our countryside is still criss-crossed with pylons and overhead lines.
>> No. 426715 Anonymous
12th May 2019
Sunday 2:47 am
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I preferred to keep him alongside, I was solo ascending in the winter. I wanted people to be at least cooperatively I get into the shit.

I can't really change the fact we don't have mountains and I swapped an anecdote about being in the valley in Switzerland and it being 1.6k up. The only think that makes our mountains formidable really is that we go out of the way to climb them in weather no one would even touch an alp. In other places weather dictates your entire decision process because it is a matter of life and death.
>> No. 426716 Anonymous
12th May 2019
Sunday 8:11 am
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Dreamt I was being chased by Ramsay Bolton, who wanted to kill me for sport, in Grand Theft Auto. Managed to knock him off his bike in my van, then tried to swap cars but couldn't hotwire the thing before he pulled me out and shot me to death with an AR15.
>> No. 426717 Anonymous
12th May 2019
Sunday 8:36 am
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I got a letter through the post that informed me my tax code had changed which meant, obviously, that I now had to work as a pilot, and I started stomping through the house smashing things, screaming I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT! IT'S BORING! over and over again.

It does seem like a boring job but I didn't think I'd be so angry about it.
>> No. 426718 Anonymous
12th May 2019
Sunday 2:01 pm
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My ex girlfriend was trying to steam off the laminate on the page of my passport with an iron. She complained that it wasn't working and I briefly felt a bit bad for her until I realised it was my passport, so I shouted "What the fuck are you doing to my passport you daft cow" and she went off to sulk while I hyperventilated.

I think it's because I recently renewed my driving license.
>> No. 426721 Anonymous
12th May 2019
Sunday 9:04 pm
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I think I've dreamt up a thread about Scarlett Moffatt. I was just about to post this picture of her from today without a bra on but I can't seem to find it so it must have been a figment of my imagination.
>> No. 426727 Anonymous
12th May 2019
Sunday 9:42 pm
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I realise this isn't actually a description of a dream - but it is a really really good book I just read about sleep, why exactly we dream, some of the science and theories around why we do it and what is going on in our brains when we do.

Very good read, I commend it to you all.
>> No. 426737 Anonymous
12th May 2019
Sunday 10:39 pm
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Age will not be kind to that body. If her boobs are that far down now in her mid-20s, it's only going to get much worse for her.
>> No. 426738 Anonymous
12th May 2019
Sunday 10:49 pm
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Maybe the paleo diet lads will go for the paleo physique girls and she'll do alright still?
>> No. 426739 Anonymous
12th May 2019
Sunday 11:28 pm
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Oh, she'll do alright. Surely there will be a few lads out there with a chubby celeb fetish.
>> No. 426741 Anonymous
12th May 2019
Sunday 11:37 pm
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She looks like a beachball already
>> No. 426752 Anonymous
13th May 2019
Monday 11:04 am
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The blueberry lass from Willy Wonka has let herself go.
>> No. 426753 Anonymous
13th May 2019
Monday 11:55 am
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Weird dream that involved skipping work to give my Dad a lift somewhere.

Then being involved in some recruitment challenge, perhaps for a secret service, that involved filling my old bedroom in a shared-house i lived in 10 years ago with wood to act as cover for murdering a dog with a chainsaw, (to prove myself a worthy killer I suppose, and if anyone heard i'd just say I was chopping some wood)

Then disposing the contents of some old disgusting jars in the corner of my Dad's back garden, only to then suddenly realize my colleagues are there cooking some kind of melted cheese sandwiches, buried in hot ashes, exactly where I just poured out all this gunk. Somehow they hadn't seen, and so I was wondering whether to say anything.
>> No. 426776 Anonymous
13th May 2019
Monday 11:10 pm
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She was never slim though. If you look at some of the older repeats of Gogglebox, she always had a strong back and slightly wide hips. And then as the show progressed and she got on Street Mate, I eventually caught myself thinking, "Be careful now lass, you're getting past your prime a little early".

It seems to happen to a lot of TV starlets. I kind of had a hard on for Amy Childs when she started getting on the game and chat show circuit after her TOWIE stint (although she was always thick as pig shit in an erection killing way when you listened to her for more than a few seconds). But if you look at her most recent photos, she just looks increasingly appalling. She doesn't have the genes to deteriorate in quite the same way as Scarlett, but you already see all the markings of botox and overdone plastic surgery on her.
>> No. 426777 Anonymous
13th May 2019
Monday 11:14 pm
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There's something about Amy Childs that disturbs me. She looks completely dead behind the eyes.
>> No. 426778 Anonymous
13th May 2019
Monday 11:27 pm
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>She looks completely dead behind the eyes.

She kind of always has been. Except now, she has a facial expression like a human fish.

I guess all that botox and collagen filler can get addictive. I'm not sure if she's had much work done besides that, and I'm no expert, but her chin and jaw look slightly unnatural as well.

She will probably look like Pete Burns by age 40 if she keeps it up.
>> No. 426780 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 1:17 am
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People who look beautiful when they are young age badly. Those of us who were mingers in our youth age very well.

Nature sorts it out lads, don't lose heart.
>> No. 426781 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 9:25 am
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I think a lot of them just make it worse for themselves with plastic surgery and other things. And the older they get, the more they want to cling to their youth and the more extreme the treatments get.

Case in point: the Bogdanoff brothers. They're really a sad case of two sexagenarians wanting to look like two younglad yobs, but who have ended up really looking more like Spitting Image puppets.
>> No. 426787 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 3:23 pm
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I think many people who have work done on their face look like that - it is ridiculous.
>> No. 426788 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 3:40 pm
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I genuinely didn't process the one on the left in the picture on the right as a real person.
>> No. 426789 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 4:16 pm
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Grandmaster Flash was doing a freestlye. He asked ten people to write a word each to incorporate. My word was ameliorate.
>> No. 426813 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 12:54 pm
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What the actual fuck? These are real people? They look like Bo Selecta! characters. Mind-blowing.
>> No. 426815 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 5:08 pm
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I had a girlfriend, long term one too, and we lived in a lovely yacht-like house. She looked like a stereotypical Instagram "influencer", but with bigger boobs THE DREAM. Anyway, some middle aged bloke, balding, shaved grey hair, was trying to kill us so I had to use the funny shaped roof of the house to get behind him and stab him right through the fucking head, it was brutal. I was genuinely a bit shaken when I woke up. I'd really done the bloke in, and I distinctly remember thinking, in the dream, "really hard, so it gets through his skull".

Anyway, I didn't have morning wood either so I'm not totally sick.
>> No. 426816 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 5:44 pm
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That's messed up.

And to think that my aunt got criticised for having her nose straightened after it grew back together very slightly crooked when a horse kicked her in the face (yes, it was probably as painful as it sounds).
>> No. 426823 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 9:33 pm
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Had an utterly filthy sex dream about a long-time friend who I've never considered very attractive. She's not an uggo or anything, she's just never really caught my eye. But obviously now I've had this dream I definitely want to shag her, just in case she's as rampant as she was in the dream.
>> No. 426830 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 11:43 pm
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I wouldn't call it a 'weird' dream but quite a vivid one where I was shouting at a load of familiar people how I was so sick of being lonely, seen as stupid and useless and subhuman. They seemed taken aback but that was all. Then I woke up.
>> No. 426834 Anonymous ## Mod ##
16th May 2019
Thursday 12:21 am
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2000 posts and 6 years, lads. Crikey. Time for a new thread, should anyone feel like sharing the minutiae of their sub-conscious they can have the honour of making it.
>> No. 426859 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 3:50 pm
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I had a dream that I was part of a small village, we were building this amazing, intricate building, interwoven with stories and thoughts from our deepest subconscious. All the townsfolk were proud of the building, and how it took years to construct. Whenever people visited, they were impressed with the quality and longevity of the work.

Then some cunt came over, barred the doors and set it on fire.

I wonder what it means?
>> No. 426870 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 6:17 pm
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