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>> No. 418197 Anonymous
27th June 2018
Wednesday 1:20 am
418197 Things which are mildly amusing but not enough to warrant their own thread.
I was in a meeting tonight and two people walked in late during a minute's silence. I was just thinking how truly weird it must have been for them to walk in and everyone was sitting there in dead silence.
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>> No. 418416 Anonymous
5th July 2018
Thursday 7:35 pm
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why knot.jpg
There are worse better examples.

Also, I really want some of this fool passion:
>> No. 418429 Anonymous
5th July 2018
Thursday 10:55 pm
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If it's not platinum-catalysed silicone, it's not going up my arse.
>> No. 418432 Anonymous
5th July 2018
Thursday 11:23 pm
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Or... you could go green and slip a beautifully crafted wooden butt plug up your back passage.


Although some of them look like somebody broke a piece off their bedpost. Maybe that's even how they initially got their product ideas.
>> No. 418435 Anonymous
6th July 2018
Friday 12:56 am
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Chefs can't use wooden chopping boards anymore due to elf & safety but there are carpet-baggers out there whittling buttplugs out of yewtree RIGHT NOW and we can't do a thing about it.

Broken Britain.
>> No. 418436 Anonymous
6th July 2018
Friday 1:12 am
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As long as you are the only one using the butt plug, what does it matter.

Which reminds me, did you know that in ancient Rome, public restrooms had no separate stalls, and toilet seats were all arranged in rows facing each other... so you would basically have your poo in full view of other people... but the real kicker was that there was no toilet paper, but just one wet sponge on a stick that was kept in a water bucket. Whoever needed to wipe their bum did so with the same sponge on a stick that dozens of people had used before you.

I guess with no concept of germs and pathogens, no harm was seen in it.
>> No. 418437 Anonymous
6th July 2018
Friday 7:11 am
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Hence the saying "the wrong end of the stick".
>> No. 418441 Anonymous
6th July 2018
Friday 11:13 am
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>As long as you are the only one using the butt plug, what does it matter.

Bacterial growth, mate. Wood's a porous material, and I'm sure you know about the massively increased risk of STI transmission in anal sex. I personally wouldn't want a wooden sex toy anywhere near my back passage.
>> No. 418443 Anonymous
6th July 2018
Friday 12:20 pm
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Have you seen the crucifixion scene where Jesus is forced to drink from a sponge soaked in vinegar? Well, it was one of those sponges. Some retarded middle eastern christians even made a relic cult out of it:

>> No. 418444 Anonymous
6th July 2018
Friday 12:50 pm
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But it also depends on how the wood was treated. If it's sealed with some sort of lacquer, then that creates a watertight surface really not much different from a rubber or latex butt plug. You can then just wipe it with disinfectant after each use like you would with other materials.


>An approximate recreation of the beverage can be made by combining 1½ cups of vinegar with ½ cup of honey, 1 tablespoon of crushed coriander seed and 4 cups of water

Interesting. I might try that some time.
>> No. 418447 Anonymous
6th July 2018
Friday 12:57 pm
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If you replaced the water with a little bit of olive oil, you'd have a lovely salad dressing.
>> No. 418453 Anonymous
6th July 2018
Friday 2:35 pm
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They must have missed that bit in the film.

>> No. 418780 Anonymous
17th July 2018
Tuesday 3:24 pm
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When I collect ebooks, I keep seeing names which make me think

>you are doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing in life
>> No. 418781 Anonymous
17th July 2018
Tuesday 5:22 pm
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There's a quite fleshed out theory on this sort of thing which I enjoy a lot.


For what it's worth I used to work with a lass who played Tuba in an orchestra part time, her surname was Horn.
>> No. 418782 Anonymous
17th July 2018
Tuesday 6:27 pm
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Before having a child, I should change my name to something high-achieving sounding like Fintech.
>> No. 418783 Anonymous
17th July 2018
Tuesday 7:27 pm
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If we go by this logic then my surname would seem to indicate that I'm destined to be a beekeeper. Fittingly with the course of the rest of my life, the only thing I'm incredibly allergic to is bee stings, so at least I'd be on course for the ironic* early death that's awaiting all 3 of us

*if this is one of those cases where you're going to link that Ed Byrne video about the missed definitions of "ironic" in that Alanis Morisette song, you can done one you massive pedant
>> No. 418785 Anonymous
17th July 2018
Tuesday 7:53 pm
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My surname is an Anglicisation of an old-norse place name that roughly translates as "misty brook", so I guess I'm predestined to be bland and unnoticeable.
>> No. 418786 Anonymous
17th July 2018
Tuesday 7:57 pm
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If you're posting on .gs then you're already there mate. What's it like to have peaked so young?
>> No. 418787 Anonymous
17th July 2018
Tuesday 8:26 pm
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Is that you Dad?
>> No. 418788 Anonymous
17th July 2018
Tuesday 9:55 pm
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One of my history teachers had the surname Kerr. He would go on and on about the fact that it was an anglicisation of an old Norse word which meant something like "man of the marsh". Apparently, there is also a Clan Kerr in Scotland, but my teacher said he was not related to it.
>> No. 418790 Anonymous
17th July 2018
Tuesday 10:28 pm
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Well would you want to be associated with some Scots, when you could instead be associated with some muddy wet ground.
>> No. 418791 Anonymous
17th July 2018
Tuesday 10:40 pm
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Then again, Scotland does have its share of muddy wet ground.
>> No. 419585 Anonymous
15th August 2018
Wednesday 8:29 pm
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On technological solutions to drivers falling asleep:

>IBM is developing an even more sophisticated system, known as the Artificial Passenger. An intelligent computer, which knows the driver’s personal profile and interests, holds a conversation with the driver. It asks questions and even tells jokes (though humour is reportedly not yet one of its strengths). If the driver’s responses are slow, flat in intonation and fail to make sense, the Artificial Passenger may judge that the driver is sleepy and urgently needs to be revived. If so, it will automatically open one of the car’s windows, sound an alarm or even activate a device that sprays cold water in the dozing driver’s face.
>> No. 419586 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 12:28 am
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If you build cars for idiots, you will have people behaving like idiots. Electronic systems like that only serve to remove even more responsibility from the driver.

If you're too tired to drive, pull the fuck over already and rest for a bit. It's not complicated.

We are removing responsibility and self reliance from the act of driving a car, just as the Smartphone generation is waiting to get their licences.

This will only end badly.
>> No. 419587 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 12:33 am
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I just liked the idea of a robot blaring a horn at you and squirting water in your face because you didn't laugh at its joke. I already do that when I'm in the passenger seat anyway.
>> No. 419593 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 2:01 am
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>I was awake. You're just not very funny.
>> No. 419595 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 2:27 am
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There's no way that could react quickly enough to the biggest danger a tired driver faces, which is the phenomenon of nodding off for a second or two in a microsleep.

It's happened to me before and it was fucking terrifying, particularly as I was on a 60mph road at the time. I pulled over the very first opportunity I had and had a nap in the layby. As >419586 says, there's no way in hell the solution to that problem should ever be me thinking "oh well if it happens again then I'm sure the car will spit water at me before I smash into the central reservation"

I imagine it'd be far more effective to put money into tech that keeps the car in its lane automatically or can stop automatically when it senses an obstacle ahead of it. Both of these things exist already and are in my partner's relatively basic new Merc, and something like a Tesla will obviously quite literally take over the driving for you, and the only thing stopping it doing so for more than a very brief period of time right now is the law.

As much as I'm a motoring enthusiast who hates even traction control that's too presumptive, I think we'll all be better off once every bloody car on the road knows better than we do how to avoid us killing ourselves.
>> No. 419596 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 3:36 am
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>Something like a Tesla will obviously quite literally take over the driving for you, and the only thing stopping it doing so for more than a very brief period of time right now is the law.

You've left out the detail where self driving cars have already killed several people.
>> No. 419605 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 5:44 pm
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True. I had also neglected to mention that no human controlled car has ever killed anyone.
>> No. 419606 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 5:54 pm
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<1.5 fatalities per 100 million miles. So far safer than autonomous vehicles that still require constant human supervision and intervention.
>> No. 419610 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 7:18 pm
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The differance being that if I knew someone had a history of driving into stationary trucks at motorway speeds killing everyone on board we expect them to be held responsible for that and I wouldn't get in a car with them driving.
>> No. 419611 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 7:42 pm
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This is completely illogical. I hope you realise that.
>> No. 419612 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 7:45 pm
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You'd get into a car with a driver you know is unsafe and I'm the illogical one?
>> No. 419615 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 8:12 pm
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I can guarantee 100% you've been driven by multiple people that were the sole cause of a crash. Whether it was fatal or not, perhaps not, but anyone with even a semblance of knowledge on how road accidents work would know that's not relevant.

Besides that, human drivers as a whole are still hugely more dangerous than self driving cars, whether they've had an accident yet or not, they're orders of magnitude more likely to have one. The numbers are already in this thread so I won't repeat them, but let's put it this way - even within a single hour of the self driving fatality happening, a few hundred thousand humans also caused a fatal accident. Statistically even within a fifty miles radius of that crash, human caused road fatalities will have vastly outnumbered self drive fatalities.

You're basically staring at a million piranhas in a lake, and telling us the lake is dangerous because one bloke with a blood disease pricked his finger into the water last year.
>> No. 419617 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 8:30 pm
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Self driving cars are only going to reach peak kills when a stream of them all make the same mistake - driving off a mountain because the road markings are dodgy or some such. Until then, they're rare enough, and the errors are rare enough, that apologists can keep saying that a few deaths here and there don't matter. They _will_ matter when the efficiencies of scale kick in.
>> No. 419618 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 10:04 pm
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The true issue with self driving cars will never be them making mistakes - even relatively basic cars being sold right now are clever enough to put brakes on before they hit something, regardless of road markings or whatever else - seriously, I had a Peugeot I bought for six grand in 2016 and it had a feature where it'd essential stop itself if I was about to drive into the back of someone, and my missus car now knows when an incline is too steep for it and will refuse to let you drive down it - the tech is already reliable in that regard. Not to say that accidents won't happen, they certainly will - but I think almost every instance will be one self driving car versus a careless pedestrian or human driver. Until every car is self guided we'll have big problems, physically and ethically. I just can't see it working with mixed traffic, it has to be all or nothing.

In mixed traffic, real problems come when your car starts making decisions for itself. It's the classic trolley problem. Should your car swerve itself to avoid a pedestrian, endangering your own life in the process? Should it plough through them to preserve you? Should it just be based on the informed probability of survivability of both parties? Somewhere along the line that's a programming decision that needs to be made. Who is to blame when a self driver hits someone? The owner? The manufacturer? The government? Would you buy a car you knew had a chance of deciding that sacrificing you is the best course of action in a crash? Would you dare go out in your normal car if you knew a Tesla might shunt you to protect it's owner?

Obviously these aren't every day scenarios, the net benefit will still be hugely reduced accidents, but the accidents that will still happen might not be classified as accidental anymore.
>> No. 419619 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 10:15 pm
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You don't know anyone's safe, it's all a matter of probability, the only difference is you can put statistics and measurements on self driving cars, which you can't do from your sample size of your mum.
>> No. 419620 Anonymous
16th August 2018
Thursday 11:43 pm
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>sample size of your mum
So large she's statistically significant.
>> No. 419623 Anonymous
17th August 2018
Friday 8:13 am
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Your mum is so fat she has her own distribution.
>> No. 419624 Anonymous
17th August 2018
Friday 9:01 am
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That's so random.

It's August, why would I need a coat?
>> No. 419646 Anonymous
17th August 2018
Friday 9:46 pm
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You're just being mean now.
>> No. 419672 Anonymous
18th August 2018
Saturday 8:13 pm
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Your mum is so ugly, she made One Direction go in the other direction
>> No. 419676 Anonymous
18th August 2018
Saturday 8:53 pm
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> your mum

>> No. 419691 Anonymous
19th August 2018
Sunday 5:25 pm
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Your mum is so fat Thanos had to snap twice.
>> No. 419698 Anonymous
20th August 2018
Monday 12:49 am
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Your mum is so fat, time slows down when you get near her.
>> No. 421059 Anonymous
5th October 2018
Friday 5:16 am
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I was at a meeting yesterday with someone called Peter Knight.
>> No. 421149 Anonymous
10th October 2018
Wednesday 8:44 pm
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I work with a French guy, often after hanging up on customers he quietly signs off with "off you fuck".
>> No. 421183 Anonymous
12th October 2018
Friday 7:33 pm
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I was at a company retreat once where somebody from another office introduced himself as Richard Ryder.

He insisted on being called Richard.
>> No. 422856 Anonymous
13th December 2018
Thursday 4:45 am
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I like the way the Cambridge Dictionary pronunciation people said "meh". They really put their hearts into it.

>> No. 422857 Anonymous
13th December 2018
Thursday 4:49 am
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Does the Collins one sigh into the mic after?

>> No. 422872 Anonymous
14th December 2018
Friday 2:21 am
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I prefer the Tucker classic 'Fuckity-bye'.

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