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>> No. 418574 Anonymous
8th July 2018
Sunday 5:49 pm
418574 Britfags in the Amazon
Right, ladmates. One of you must be guilty of this horrifying, yet oddly scintillating, review for a bog plunger on Amazon. No one but you could think to write this:


5.0 out of 5 stars
First ever 'emergency' Amazon purchase. 10/10, wouldn't do again.
8 February 2018
Verified Purchase
I got to a point in my life this week in the decisions I had made, that meant I needed to buy an emergency plunger. A period of extreme mastication in the week prior, of largely coffee and stuff with bread in, on or around it, came to a head with a log on Wednesday night that was the size of a mid-teenagers' forearm. Peering down in shame at the depth charge that crashed into the porcelain below, I panicked and thrust my ungainly trotters at the flush button. Like a modern-day curtain-raising on opening night, the fetid bum-water rushed down but the package stayed put, defiant and proud. Over and over and over again, and I made it worse each time. The sweat rushing down my unloving features, I left it as it was and went to sleep.

I power-walked home the next night, to be there in time for the delivery of this thing, and in customary fashion it appeared in the packaging as if I bought an aquarium or a plus-sized sex swing. I tore the box asunder as if it was a multipack of Freddos, and set to work. Initially, I got the mixture (think Nutella in the microwave for roughly 47 seconds) up my shins and in my hair as the initial fact-finding was turning into a bit of a faff. Retreating for a moment to read the instructions that are right there on the side of the plunger, I got to work.

It was glorious. The pipe wheezed as the plunger blasted my coffee-baby with the level of gusto that initially introduced it into this cold, unforgiving world. Partly that, and partly the iceberg of baby wipes I had accumulated because I like my southern star feeling as if I'm in the Bodyform advert from the late nineties. It was done. I had tasted victory, the plunger caked in excrement but I'll be damned if it wasn't born to do this. Monumental success, and this product made it all possible. I will never forget what happened here.
Expand all images.
>> No. 418575 Anonymous
8th July 2018
Sunday 7:14 pm
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>>418574
>the iceberg of baby wipes I had accumulated
Without commenting on the rest of it, this cunt is evidently a major contributor to our sewage problem.
>> No. 418576 Anonymous
8th July 2018
Sunday 7:52 pm
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>>418575
Our sewage problem is lack of investment in replacing and upgrading decades-old infrastructure.
>> No. 418577 Anonymous
8th July 2018
Sunday 8:02 pm
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>>418576
Yeah I'm sure that contributes a little but mostly it's the baboons flushing non-flushable "flushable" wet wipes.
>> No. 418578 Anonymous
8th July 2018
Sunday 8:16 pm
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>>418575

The question of personal hygiene is more disturbing. Would you leave your bathroom covered in 'fetid bum-water' and your toilet brimming with shite for a night and a day? Eau-de-Toilette doesn't describe such a smell.

Surely this sort of event calls for a frantic scramble to buy a plunger from a late-night store or to borrow one from a well-meaning, but foolish, friend. If the worst came to the worst, I would rather stick my arm down there and give the blockage some manual assistance, followed by an half-hour long scrub of my arm to purify it of shit-stain. Better than coming back after work to some festering, half-submerged turd, awaiting a good polishing courtesy of our Bojo.
>> No. 418579 Anonymous
8th July 2018
Sunday 8:19 pm
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I did purchase one of these things when I was in halls of residence, but it was to unclog my en suite sink. Worked like a charm first time. Wish I hadn't lost it.
>> No. 418581 Anonymous
8th July 2018
Sunday 10:48 pm
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>>418578

I had a totally blocked up sink a while ago, late on a Sunday night with no shops open an no friends to call, and all I had was the plunger in the bathroom with which I normally free the toilet bowl of blockages.

The idea of taking a plunger that has been touched by toilet bowl faeces numerous times and applying it to a blockage in the kitchen sink kind of seemed revolting at first, but then I sprayed it a few times with extra strength chlorine bleach before putting it to work in the kitchen.
>> No. 418639 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 2:21 pm
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My toilet has a fairly low pressure flush - although I rarely punish it that badly, a mop with two carrier bags tied over it will do the trick nicely.
>> No. 418640 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 2:30 pm
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Lads just keep a 5 gallon bucket to hand, and if you shit the can right up, just fill the bucket in the bath, and pour it down from a good height whilst flushing again.
>> No. 418644 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 5:31 pm
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>>418640

Nine times out of ten it works. On the tenth time, you flood your bathroom with shitwater.
>> No. 418742 Anonymous
15th July 2018
Sunday 2:06 am
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>>418644
Ain't that the truth.

I did this in my old flat, fucker up stairs was putting fishtank gravel down the bog and it backed up my loo. The confusing part was when it did overflow and I managed to staunch the bleeding, so to speak, there was a Twix wrapper floating in the bowl. I decided to tap out at the risk of handling raw sewarage and phoned the council who went down the drain outside with a massive hose. They told me they found all sorts down there, blocked up with food wrappers and things you just wouldn't expect to find and they told me that section only served our waste, so it must have been him.
>> No. 418755 Anonymous
15th July 2018
Sunday 11:13 pm
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Here in this building, they replaced the sewage water pipes in the basement a while ago where they collect all the shit from all the flats above and then drain it into the sewer. They put a note in the entrance area downstairs to NOT FLUSH YOUR TOILET between 10am and 12pm and also to not use your taps and/or pour liquids down your sink(s). I had a few days off so I happened to be home that day, and then at some point had a bowel movement and forgot that I was not supposed to flush it down. The plumber then five minutes later rang on every flat door in the building to ask who had flushed their toilet. Apparently, he literally got covered in turds and toilet paper when I flushed down my poo. He was really upset. But there were about three or four other people home that day on the other floors, so I had plausible deniability on my side and didn't admit to it.
>> No. 418756 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 9:54 am
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>>418742
This is the second time I've seen someone on here complain about fish tank gravel in the loo. I'm guessing it was you last time as well because why the fuck would anyone do that? I bet you it's cat litter.
>> No. 418757 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 10:37 am
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>>418756

Same question though. Why would you flush cat litter down the loo? That stuff is supposed to go in your bin. Cat turds and all.
>> No. 418758 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 10:41 am
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when I used to have fish, washing the green crap off the plastic plants in the sink would often be a battle to avoid gravel going down the plughole. Maybe that?
>> No. 418759 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 11:11 am
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>>418757
He probably isn't trying to flush the litter but some will be picked up as a matter of course when he sifts the turds out. Flushing them smells less than putting them in a bin and he doesn't have to make the trip outside that way. It won't block the toilet right away, just slowly builds up so he doesn't realise it's a problem.
>> No. 418760 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 11:31 am
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>>418756
It was pearlescent blue, so I doubt it. Plumber seemed pretty sure as well.
>> No. 418761 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 12:43 pm
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>>418742

Food wrappers, eh?

Kind of a chav thing to do. How can you possibly think that a Twix wrapper goes in the toilet bowl.

That said, I habe a habit of eating an apple every night before bed, and then when I am done with it I just flush the apple core down. Maybe that is also not a good thing, but at least an apple core is biodegradable.

Also, when we had a cat, we would always empty the cat toilet contents into a heavy duty 20-litre bin liner and then throw that bin liner in the big wheelie bin outside. That way, there is not really much of a smell.
>> No. 418762 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 12:50 pm
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>>418760
Weird. Okay then.
>> No. 418763 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 1:10 pm
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>>418760

Litter can come in white and blue.
>> No. 418764 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 1:44 pm
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>>418763

Silica-based cat litter looks almost identical to aquarium gravel.
>> No. 418765 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 1:55 pm
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>>418764

I feel like that ought to be a game: "cat litter or aquarium gravel?"
>> No. 418766 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 8:19 pm
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>>418765

That looks like the kind of pebbles that some womenfolk put in transparent vases on their window sills or coffee tables for decoration.
>> No. 418767 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 9:33 pm
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>>418766
I smell a Viz Top Tip in the making.
>> No. 418768 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 9:39 pm
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>>418767
>> No. 418769 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 9:40 pm
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>>418767

Let's hope it's the aquarium gravel and not cat litter then.
>> No. 418770 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 9:44 pm
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I remember a "Gypsy" who used to buy a bag of these from the poundshop then go around selling them as "lucky charms" for a pound each.
>> No. 418771 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 9:47 pm
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There were suspiciously homeless looking "charity" people too who would try to sell you a photocopied page of jokes. I liked when they used that sales technique of opening with a question you're definitely going to say yes to so I could say no and confuse them.

>Do you like a laugh?

>No
>> No. 418772 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 9:52 pm
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>>418770
That's genius - I might do that myself.
>> No. 418777 Anonymous
17th July 2018
Tuesday 12:37 pm
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>>418770
>>418772

You would be amazed what people are actually willing to fork over to buy esoteric pseudoscience rubbish.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Prana-Crystal-Brahman-Rainbow-Standard/dp/B00L8BKPUA/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1531824464&sr=8-4&keywords=orgonite+pyramid

>• Room harmonizer combined with the energy of all 7 charkras • Size: 8x8 • Height: 6cm • Special abilities: strong protection & power of transformation

Basically, it's £10 worth of gemstones thrown into some dyed epoxy. The profit margin on these things should be well over 1000 percent.

My granddad's second wife was Austrian and she lived in Vienna, which is one of Europe's esoteric capitals. She was really into all that esoteric hocus-pocus, and she wore a tigers eye necklace with a tigers eye about the size of a pound coin, and back in the day she said she paid some 10,000 Austrian Shillings for it, which was over £600 even back then, 25 years ago. She said it was infused with the special healing powers of some sort of guru, and would protect her from disease and evil spirits.

Maybe she didn't wear it often enough. She died of cancer of the bladder a few years later. Or maybe she should've just quit smoking.
>> No. 418778 Anonymous
17th July 2018
Tuesday 12:43 pm
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>>418777

Is a tigers eye a type of crystal or are we actually talking about an actual preserved tiger eye? If the latter that's fucking metal.
>> No. 418779 Anonymous
17th July 2018
Tuesday 1:00 pm
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>>418778

No, I did mean the gemstone tiger's eye. Which is quite inexpensive, looking at eBay right now. Just a tiger's eye about the size of a £1 coin will set you back around £3-£5 plus p&p.

The tiger's eye my granddad's second wife wore was on a thin, gold looking necklace chain, but I'm not sure if it was real gold. I'm sure she would have told us. Maybe some low-grade 375 material or something. In any case, nothing that would realistically have commanded a price of £600 at market value, not even 25 years ago.
>> No. 418784 Anonymous
17th July 2018
Tuesday 7:44 pm
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>>418742
>fucker up stairs was putting fishtank gravel down the bog
I'm sorry that this reply will dredge up a post so much earlier in the thread but what the actual fucking fuck, who the fuck even does that
>> No. 418789 Anonymous
17th July 2018
Tuesday 10:03 pm
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>>418784

This guy.

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