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Subject   (reply to 420492)
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>> No. 420492 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 11:16 am
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Lads, I've been having a think.

The modern world means that you can stream whatever form of entertainment you want directly into your living room; sports, films, TV, you name it. I think we need to stop looking at streaming in a purely digital sense and start looking at it in a physical sense.

Imagine having a tap which means you can stream whatever you want that can flow down the pipes. You want some custard? There's a tap for that. You want some mashed potato? There's a tap for that. You want some gravy? There's a tap for that. We need to move from apps to taps and pipes. It would be revolutionary. Imagine the carbon footprint saved from lorries no longer having to deliver these loads to the supermarket and then for individual shoppers to go one-by-one to buy it and take it home. The likes of warm custard cooked en masse in one central bulk must surely be more efficient than the piecemeal approach of innumerable households cooking meals themselves on hobs and in ovens.

Obviously Big Shop will kick up a fuss as we cut out the middleman and there will be the initial outlay of creating a national network of pipes, but the long-term benefits would far outweigh it. It would be the next true industrial revolution.
Expand all images.
>> No. 420493 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 11:51 am
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Imagine forgetting to turn your gravy tap off and coming home to a flooded house of gravy.
The future is truely terrifying.
>> No. 420494 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 11:52 am
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As a spokesman for big pipecleaner, I endorse this message.

(On oil pipelines, they have 'pigs' which separate a slug of one product from the next. However, once you've upgraded them to reliably separate custard from vindaloo from scotch, I suspect you might as well dispense with putting products in the pipline and send pigs around underground loaded with each comestible. Then stick the pigs on bikes pedalled by slave labour and call it something like deliveroo, without all the capital costs of installing a pipe network. )
Unless / until we're all soley eating various colours of soylent, I don't think your plan is sufficiently cunning. You'll probably only be able to raise a few billion in venture capital with this one. Try not to spend it all on hookers and blow, save some for an upgrade to the .gs servers.
>> No. 420496 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 11:55 am
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Audible mirth
>> No. 420497 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 12:00 pm
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Water is basically sterile, which is why it is safe to drink out the tap. Food creates all sorts of headaches. What if you didn't use your custard tap for a few weeks because you had the flu and when you turned it on, it was curdled? No amount of running custard through that tap is going to make what comes out of it safe to eat without a deep clean. You also have no idea how long the Custard has been in the tap. Water companies use local reservoirs, would we have local Custard reservoirs?

I'm obviously on the fence here, but if you refine I think we're onto a winner.
>> No. 420498 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 12:13 pm
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Until I see your solution for piping things like yorkshire puddings or packets of fags, I'm afraid I can't invest.
>> No. 420501 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 12:40 pm
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That'd be easy to solve. All you need is to preset how much gravy you need.

>Water companies use local reservoirs, would we have local Custard reservoirs?

All you need is a giant tank to keep it warm and constantly flowing. It wouldn't take too long to calibrate the optimum level of custard to have in the system at any one time.

We could give people jobs cleaning the pipes. We're opening up a whole new world of careers here.

>packets of fags

When I worked at Tesco during my student days the people on the checkouts used to put the money from the till in a capsule and it would shoot up this tube using compressed air. There's no reason we couldn't use a similar system for fags; we wouldn't get very far if we limited ourselves to only liquids.
>> No. 420502 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 12:42 pm
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>Water is basically sterile, which is why it is safe to drink out the tap.

No, it's not. It needs to be within certain limits as to its pathogen content, but it's not going to be sterile in a biological sense. In order for tap water to actually be sterile, you would have to run it through a sterile filter system, and the pipes would then have to be hermetically sealed to keep pathogens out, and would still have to be sanitised regularly.

What makes the water in your pipes relatively safe to drink, next to your local water supplier's adherence to sanitary standards, is that water pipes inside buildings are usually made of copper (although in some cases plastic or polymer). Copper tends to let off copper ions into water, and these copper ions are toxic to single cell organisms and pathogens. While they are not toxic to humans, and we actually need traces of copper in our diet.

The biocidic effects of copper against pathogens are so strong that there are trials going on in hospitals where copper alloys are used for surfaces that attract germs, such as sinks and door handles.
>> No. 420503 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 1:04 pm
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It's obviously not lab sterile, I was been loose with the term. Last thing I read on the subject of infection control in hospitals was silver oxide paint on everything. The nature of microbes, such as they are, means the more we try to kill them the stronger they become. In this regard, antibiotics are the ultimate double edged sword metaphor.
>> No. 420504 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 1:20 pm
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Silver ions work well against microbes too, that is true.

My mum had a skin infection with staphylococcus aureus once, and it produced a series of pus filled boils grouped around each other on the back of her shoulder. I think it's called a carbuncle.

Anyway, in addition to topical skin disinfectant treatments, she was prescribed special skin patches with silver coated gauze. It did work well and pushed back the infection.
>> No. 420505 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 1:38 pm
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Could it get hacked? You could take the sending-unwanted-pizza-to-someone's-house prank to the next level.
>> No. 420507 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 1:52 pm
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If that happens then you would have the opportunity to get your own back.

This would involve Dave Benson-Phillips and gunge being piped into your house in retaliation.
>> No. 420508 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 3:41 pm
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A pipe full of custard is going to be a mouldy mess, but what about those pneumatic tube systems that hospitals use for delivering lab samples and drugs? It'd be like a tiny Hyperloop for beer and tabs.

>> No. 420510 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 3:44 pm
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>>420502 Chlorine, old chap.
>> No. 420516 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 5:21 pm
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Even chlorine is no guarantee, unless you chlorinate the hell ouf of the water.

Which is what some places in the U.S. do with tap water much more than in Britain. Especially rural small towns there with poor infrastructure tend to put so much chlorine in their water that you can hardly drink it at all. It's probably cheaper than building a new water tower or new water pipes.

But even copious amounts of chlorine in water won't guarantee that it's absolutely entirely sterile. Even when you buy a bottle of Dettol bleach, which has the same active ingredient as water sanitiser, sodium hypochlorite, it says on the bottle that it only promises to get rid of 99.9% of germs. And all the spray bleach like that which you find in supermarkets is a relatively concentrated sodium hypochlorite solution with commonly around 10 grams per litre. I'm not sure what a safe to drink limit is for sodium hypochlorite in tap water, but it must be considerably lower.
>> No. 420517 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 5:52 pm
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Those things are a recipe for disaster frankly. We tell doctors specifically not to use ours for urgent samples, in case it goes missing and they have to explain why they're sticking a second needle in your spinal column. (Usually "The lab lost it." Cunts.)
>> No. 420519 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 6:12 pm
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What about if we send objects in a river of baked beans? Nature's bubble wrap.
>> No. 420520 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 6:15 pm
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>and they have to explain why they're sticking a second needle in your spinal column.

I got various injections into my spinal column following a severe lumbar disc hernia.

One of the most fucking unpleasant experiences of my life. Not because it would have been painful, which it wasn't in all honesty. The injections felt like a mosquito bite on my skin at the most. But just the fact that somebody was poking around my spinal cord with a needle, plus having been made aware of the possible albeit quite rare consequences of a failed procedure.

So it was really more a psychological thing. Well and one time, the orthopaedic surgeon who was administering the injections actually did slip a little bit and got a little close to the nerve, which made my leg twitch in a very peculiar way and then it felt weird for about three or four hours after the procedure. He apologised but said the effect would only be temporary. Still a fucking unpleasant thing to go through. I think I had four injections in total over the course of about six weeks.
>> No. 420522 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 6:31 pm
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The 0.1 percent is to account for user error.
>> No. 420523 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 7:42 pm
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Wait a minute, isn't this just the plot of Eraserhead?
>> No. 420530 Anonymous
21st September 2018
Friday 10:06 pm
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Just don't forget to turn off the poison sockets.
>> No. 437946 Anonymous
16th July 2020
Thursday 11:10 am
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I think the current pandemic makes clear the need for a national network of pipes. People do not want to physically go to the shops while Mars and Earth align; it is clearly becoming obsolete.

What better way to get foodstuffs to those who are isolating than pipes?
>> No. 437947 Anonymous
16th July 2020
Thursday 11:52 am
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I certainly agree that a hot tap in the kitchen that actually dispenses custard would be fantastic. Why hasn't science delivered?
>> No. 437948 Anonymous
16th July 2020
Thursday 11:59 am
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They're in the pocket of Big Shop.
>> No. 437953 Anonymous
16th July 2020
Thursday 12:57 pm
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I'll give you a pipe that dispenses hot custard IYKWIM.
>> No. 437955 Anonymous
16th July 2020
Thursday 5:11 pm
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Much prefer sweet over salty if I'm honest.
>> No. 437959 Anonymous
16th July 2020
Thursday 7:16 pm
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I'll get started on this pineapple juice, then.
>> No. 437971 Anonymous
17th July 2020
Friday 1:53 am
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Now look. I'm hopefully never going to taste semen, other than perhaps accidentally my own. I have heard many times of this pineapple trick, but I would like actual evidence. DOES IT REALLY WORK???
>> No. 437972 Anonymous
17th July 2020
Friday 2:40 am
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The only time I've ever had the missus gobble down my spunk was when I'd incidentally been drinking pineapple juice all week. Her actual words were something like "It wasn't even an effort it was just delicious".

Normally spaffing down her throat makes her vomit like a fat lass outside a kebab shop in Leeds at 3am on a Saturday.
>> No. 437975 Anonymous
17th July 2020
Friday 6:23 pm
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>fat lass outside a kebab shop in Leeds

If you don't go Mahmoods after a night out then you deserve everything you get.
>> No. 437976 Anonymous
17th July 2020
Friday 6:25 pm
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It definitely works, and it works for women and their fannies, too.
>> No. 437977 Anonymous
17th July 2020
Friday 6:56 pm
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Life is too short to go anywhere near a woman who doesn't look after the downstairs department.
>> No. 438015 Anonymous
22nd July 2020
Wednesday 11:55 am
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By contrast, I think Mideastern cooking is the worst in terms of spunk flavouring. Anything with plenty of onion, garlic, and cumin.

I've found that it gets into women's juices as well though. You know when a lass has had a kebab with all the trimmings, if you work her with your tongue down there twelve hours later.
>> No. 438060 Anonymous
23rd July 2020
Thursday 11:14 pm
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I've heard Tabbouleh, the Lebanese salad, can give you a bit of a sexual boost.

Some googling gave me this:


... has aphrodisiac effects and ensure smooth functioning of genital apparatus.
>> No. 438072 Anonymous
24th July 2020
Friday 2:40 pm
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Talking of aphrodisiacs, I've been taking this thing for concentration - Maca root powder - and FUCK ME I'm randy.

10g a day in smoothies. Noticeable after 1 week.

>> No. 438085 Anonymous
24th July 2020
Friday 7:44 pm
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I can't imagine that helps with the concentration though?
>> No. 438098 Anonymous
24th July 2020
Friday 11:49 pm
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Yeah, has it actually helped you focus on things that aren't girls?
>> No. 438143 Anonymous
26th July 2020
Sunday 6:22 pm
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Not even slightly. But its very nice to have more of a libido.
>> No. 438145 Anonymous
27th July 2020
Monday 11:31 pm
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I've ordered some to see if I can reproduce your results, purely in the interests of science.
>> No. 438381 Anonymous
8th August 2020
Saturday 6:11 pm
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How did it go?
>> No. 438383 Anonymous
8th August 2020
Saturday 7:29 pm
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Seconding this. If you experience positive results I might try it myself, for the sake of .gs peer review on how to attain more frequent stiffies. We're all getting on a bit by now it seems like.

Personally there's nothing wrong with my libido; the trouble is more that I just can't be bothered to shag half the time. I'm not sure how anybody has the energy after a day at work, let alone how I used to stay up til 3am smoking and fucking, and still get up at 7 for work the next day.
>> No. 438384 Anonymous
8th August 2020
Saturday 8:29 pm
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Sorry lads, the pouch has been sitting in my kitchen for a while now and I've only tried it once, in a fruit smoothie, so I haven't been eating it consistently. I'll report back when I have something to report. It does taste pretty awful though.

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