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>> No. 424669 Anonymous
2nd March 2019
Saturday 2:35 pm
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Weekend thread: bangers and mash edition.

If that lad with all the instant mash is about then I may have a business proposition for him; I went a bit overboard buying wholesale bags of Quorn sausages from Farmfoods.
77 posts omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 424985 Anonymous
10th March 2019
Sunday 4:27 pm
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>>424973
>>424976

Genuine concern - this stuff is slamming down like God's Spunk
>> No. 424987 Anonymous
10th March 2019
Sunday 10:15 pm
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A proper kebab and shawarma place run by some very nice lads from Iran had its opening this week, and since Thursday I've eaten there three times, once for lunch, one for a colleague's leaving do on Friday night and third time got it delivered for last night's dinner. It is unbelievably fucking good, the last time I had shawarma that tasted that good was in Berlin and I've got no self-control when it comes to great doner. They make all the sauces from scratch and everything.

Consequently I have spent all of today doing 3 (three!) monster shits each the size of a baby's arm and feel like I've lost 15 pounds and no small amount of dignity, but it was worth it.
>> No. 424989 Anonymous
10th March 2019
Sunday 10:40 pm
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>>424981

We've definitely broken the weather.
>> No. 424990 Anonymous
10th March 2019
Sunday 11:37 pm
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If the apprenticeship I applied to keeps having its application deadline extended, does that mean it's jam packed and they're giving as many people as possible a chance, or that no bugger's interested and I'm a shoe in because of what a jolly smart chap I am?
>> No. 424991 Anonymous
11th March 2019
Monday 12:00 am
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>>424990
If they're extending it, it's because of low interest. Don't take anything for granted though, anyone with a head on their shoulders will be biting their hands for a decent apprenticeship so prepare.
>> No. 424992 Anonymous
11th March 2019
Monday 7:12 pm
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>>424954
Following on from this. I pussied out from phoning in sick today but decided to grab some lucozade on the way to work. Fucking Nisa charging £1.99 for a 1 litre bottle. Broken Britain I tell you.
>> No. 425001 Anonymous
11th March 2019
Monday 11:19 pm
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>>424992
> lucozade

I'm so old I remember when Lucozade was only sold in chemists.
>> No. 425005 Anonymous
11th March 2019
Monday 11:27 pm
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>>425001
Was it? Is that why my dad would give it to me when I got ill as a youngen? That stupid fuck didn't realise I was just dehydrated.

GOD I HATE MY FUCKING PARENTS!

Wow. Anyway...
>> No. 425010 Anonymous
11th March 2019
Monday 11:39 pm
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>>425005
It was only sold in chemists and came in a glass bottle, wrapped in yellow cellophane. Only posho's got it when they were ill, mind - was expensive; the one time my parents got me some I remember thinking, fuck, I must be really ill.
>> No. 425031 Anonymous
12th March 2019
Tuesday 7:35 am
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>>425005

Yeah, it was owned by Smithkline and marketed as a medicinal product until the early 80s.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BAUvwz7Hk4
>> No. 425032 Anonymous
12th March 2019
Tuesday 8:31 am
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>>425031
It does taste better after you've spent a week taking your nutrients from a drip.
>> No. 425047 Anonymous
12th March 2019
Tuesday 11:36 am
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>>424928
They could've written 'knob' in Cyrillic, at least.
>>424954
Get well, mate, I've just recovered from one. Some sort of arse flu, I laid immobile for two days, then released a weekly norm of shits in the next two days.
Would wish this to an enemy though.
>>424987
Good on you, I can appreciate a good doner, sometimes rolling my own from the leftovers.
>> No. 425100 Anonymous
12th March 2019
Tuesday 6:01 pm
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>>425032

As long as you didn't have AYDS...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBkVuT5pw1g
>> No. 425139 Anonymous
13th March 2019
Wednesday 6:11 pm
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I think I finally gained the admiration of the indimitaing little old chinese lady that runs the local asian supermarket. She clearly saw me as just another one of the tiresome nerds that came in to buy instant noodles and Pocky, but has noticed now that I'm just as interested in buying pork blood and beef necks and that sort of thing, and has started to treat me with something approaching kinship.

I think I might buy a Durian from her next week just to seal the deal.
>> No. 425140 Anonymous
13th March 2019
Wednesday 7:07 pm
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>>425139
Last time I went to a Chinese supermarket a woman told me off, in Chinese, because my daughter sneezed; I believe she thought it was my fault because one of her trouser legs had rolled up a few inches.
>> No. 425183 Anonymous
16th March 2019
Saturday 3:12 pm
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I can't decide what to do with myself this weekend.

Restless.
>> No. 425184 Anonymous
16th March 2019
Saturday 3:32 pm
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>>425183
It's too wet and windy. I was going to walk to the shops to get the ingredients for a lasagna but I can't be arsed in this.
>> No. 425185 Anonymous
16th March 2019
Saturday 4:13 pm
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Come home for the weekend. Dad keeps making jokes about my weight. Says he needs to say stuff like this to make sure I'm not too fragile for the real world. Don't know why I bothered coming back.
>> No. 425186 Anonymous
16th March 2019
Saturday 4:23 pm
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>>425185

It's hard to imagine how parents can be this shit, and mine aren't particularly great to start with.

I assume the best response is to take the piss out of him, is he bald? old? prostate cancer? there must be something.
>> No. 425188 Anonymous
16th March 2019
Saturday 4:42 pm
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>>425186
Not really hard. I used to get the same treatment at times (something tells me that it was all too common and it's just my brain stuffing the memories in the dark corner of my bone-box, never to be taken out again).
Need I say this 'hardening ya' bollocks didn't really help me in the end?
>> No. 425194 Anonymous
17th March 2019
Sunday 11:59 am
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>>425188
I agree it's very poor parenting and done like this, entirely counter-productive - but there is probably something at the root of it. Taking the piss out of your kids like this is a stupid way of communicating a concern one might have about something, I agree totally on that point, nobody should be unkind, particularly to ones own offspring.

If you've historically had a very poor (uncommunicative) relationship with your kids, "haha you're fat, no just joking" is a terrible way to do it. Many families have history that gets in the way (which people realise and deal with much too late). But there is no such thing as a joke.

I totally agree that taking the piss back is the right defence, though.
>> No. 425207 Anonymous
17th March 2019
Sunday 1:53 pm
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>>425194

>I agree it's very poor parenting and done like this, entirely counter-productive - but there is probably something at the root of it

No. I agree. I know for sure my mum was too nice to me, let me get away with a bit too much, and I spend quite a few years after moving out before even realising that I needed to build up a thicker skin, to learn that you don't always get something just because you want it, to deal with disappointment and rejection - I just didn't have the tools for it, had never experienced any of it. These aren't easy things to learn as an adult.

This is the only place I'd ever talk about this because it sounds so fucking stupid to say "I had a great childhood, I always got what I wanted, woe is me", but it's true. I wasn't a rich kid by any stretch of the imagination, but I fully understand why many rich kids turn out to be jealous, clueless irresponsible adults.

Definitely not saying you have to call your kids a fat cunt, but introducing them to the harsh realities of life is important.
>> No. 425211 Anonymous
17th March 2019
Sunday 2:34 pm
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>>425207
Introducing to harsh realities is one thing.
Doing the 'oh you got whacked? here, have some more' routine is another.
Pretty sure we were talking about the latter. I'm definitely with you on the former, I frequently find myself annoyed with folks of the sheltered upbringing.
>> No. 425215 Anonymous
17th March 2019
Sunday 3:17 pm
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Just a quick one lads, for any Londoners. According to the tfl website you can just use any UK contactless card in place of an oyster card in exactly the same way. Is that absolutely for sure? I don't need to sign up for anything or activate anything? I can literally just walk onto a bus with my debit card with no issues?
>> No. 425216 Anonymous
17th March 2019
Sunday 3:20 pm
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>>425215
Yep.
They will (permanently?) block it if you use it too much with no money in your account though.
>> No. 425218 Anonymous
17th March 2019
Sunday 3:23 pm
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>>425216
Thanks lad.
>> No. 425224 Anonymous
17th March 2019
Sunday 6:54 pm
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>>425215
It also works with your phone.
>> No. 425375 Anonymous
22nd March 2019
Friday 6:51 am
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If you need to travel this weekend then pro-Brexit cunts are 'protesting' by doing 30/40mph rolling roadblocks on most of the major motorways in the country.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/politics/pro-brexit-truckers-set-block-14169195

I voted Leave, but cunts like these need shooting.
>> No. 425377 Anonymous
22nd March 2019
Friday 8:42 am
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>>425375
THAT'LL SHOW 'EM.
>> No. 425378 Anonymous
22nd March 2019
Friday 9:20 am
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>>425375
That's been the issue all along.
The loudest leave voices are complete knobs. I work with a chap who voted leave because he thought all the Poles would be forced to go home.
>> No. 425379 Anonymous
22nd March 2019
Friday 9:45 am
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>>425378
Strangely, Will Self put it very well the other week - its not that everyone who voted Leave is an actual racist, but all the racists definitely voted Leave.
>> No. 425380 Anonymous
22nd March 2019
Friday 9:50 am
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>>425379
There were a number of chavs and skinheads who voted Remain on the basis that the Eastern Europeans coming here are white and tended to have conservative values similar to themselves so would stop us getting overrun with eskimos.

Anyway, let's not get into playground shite.
>> No. 425382 Anonymous
22nd March 2019
Friday 7:31 pm
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I think this might be the weekend where I actually cook bangers and mash like the OP.
>> No. 425384 Anonymous
23rd March 2019
Saturday 9:47 am
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This morning my usual hairdresser wasn't in so I had to have a different woman.

On the negative side, they were playing Heart instead of Radio 2, she could have been gentler around my ears with the clippers and she asked too many inane questions in an attempt to make small talk. In the positive side, she was more thorough so did a better job and she had really big breasts which kept pressing against me. Swings and roundabouts.
>> No. 425385 Anonymous
23rd March 2019
Saturday 12:22 pm
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>>425384
The big tits overwrite any negatives lad.
>> No. 425386 Anonymous
23rd March 2019
Saturday 7:10 pm
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>>425382
Do it lad; with homemade onion gravy, honey roast carrots, and green beans. None of this pea guff.
>> No. 425387 Anonymous
23rd March 2019
Saturday 7:11 pm
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>>425386
Give peas a chance.
>> No. 425388 Anonymous
23rd March 2019
Saturday 9:44 pm
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My girlfriend has put on the live action Disney remake of Beauty and the Beast. It's just so... soulless.
>> No. 425389 Anonymous
23rd March 2019
Saturday 11:13 pm
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>>425388
It was described to me as Emma Watson playing a self insert of Hermione as Belle.
>> No. 425390 Anonymous
23rd March 2019
Saturday 11:32 pm
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>>425389
Emma Watson was completely miscast in the role. Her performance was flat and she's not conventionally attractive enough either.

I haven't seen the remakes of the likes of The Jungle Book but the upcoming live action Lion King and Aladdin look equally soulless and pointless.
>> No. 425391 Anonymous
24th March 2019
Sunday 12:25 am
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What tea do you lot buy? I've got redbush for night-time but on the normal stuff recently downgraded from Yorkshire to the Sainsbury's own brand. I'm not impressed and I'm sure I'm being judged for this.

>>425388
Smile and nod, mate. I recently made the mistake of giving my honest opinion on the new Aladdin trailer and got a look like I'd just taken the piss out of Emmerdale. You' know the one I'm talking about.

See you at the next Toy Story.
>> No. 425392 Anonymous
24th March 2019
Sunday 1:27 am
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Went into A&E tonight because I had a pretty nasty persistent cough due to a recent cold and bronchitis.

I was given codeine drops to suppress the cough. A bit too early to tell if it's successful.

Can any kind of fun be had with codeine? I vaguely remember reading about it being an illegal drug.

Tastes fucking disgusting though. Very bitter, in a quite chemical kind of way. I'm supposed to take it two to three times a day as needed, twenty drops in a few ounces of water.
>> No. 425393 Anonymous
24th March 2019
Sunday 1:33 am
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>>425390

>Emma Watson was completely miscast in the role. Her performance was flat and she's not conventionally attractive enough either.

She can be wank material on a good day, but only for as long as you don't think too much about the kind of person she fancies herself as these days.
>> No. 425394 Anonymous
24th March 2019
Sunday 1:58 am
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>>425392

>Can any kind of fun be had with codeine? I vaguely remember reading about it being an illegal drug.

It's an opioid, so it's basically weak heroin. Very much an acquired taste IMO, but if you neck the lot you'll get absolutely off your tits. Probably not a road you want to go down.
>> No. 425395 Anonymous
24th March 2019
Sunday 2:16 am
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>>425394

>if you neck the lot you'll get absolutely off your tits.

Sounds tempting.
>> No. 425396 Anonymous
24th March 2019
Sunday 3:07 am
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I ate some mushrooms and went to a fetish club on my own. It went as you might expect.
>> No. 425399 Anonymous
24th March 2019
Sunday 6:39 am
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>>425392

I would wager there is also paracetamol in there, and obviously too much of that won't end well for you at all. Check the label before you neck anything, unless you're really after a very painful death.
>> No. 425400 Anonymous
24th March 2019
Sunday 6:59 am
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>>425399
>a very painful death
The irony.
>> No. 425401 Anonymous
24th March 2019
Sunday 8:20 am
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>>425393
A terrible waste.
>> No. 425402 Anonymous
24th March 2019
Sunday 11:57 am
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>>425393>>425401
I think the lad in the National Action thread was right when he said that young people used to find their tribe, or attempt to fit into one, based on specific genres of music whereas nowadays, particularly with the affect the internet has had on social interactions, people are increasingly getting a sense of community and belonging from political ideologies.

I suppose with Watson she was always going to get her head rotted by Hollywood luvvies. Not everyone can be as level headed as Grint or a raging alcoholic like Radcliffe.

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