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>> No. 440450 Anonymous
4th December 2020
Friday 4:50 pm
440450 Lottery
If I win the £175m tonight, I'll get you all a twirl and a can of dandelion and burdock every time I nip to the shop.
16 posts omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 440491 Anonymous
5th December 2020
Saturday 11:29 am
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I got £3.60, so that's a multipack of Twirls and a 2 litre bottle of D&B for me.
>> No. 440492 Anonymous
5th December 2020
Saturday 11:46 am
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I don't think I've ever had dandelion and burdock.
>> No. 440493 Anonymous
5th December 2020
Saturday 12:27 pm
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>>440492

It's the third best pop, after Fanta Fruit Twist and McDonald's Sprite.
>> No. 440494 Anonymous
5th December 2020
Saturday 3:35 pm
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>>440493
It's definitely below Irn Bru (though slightly above the sugar free Irn Bru).
>> No. 440508 Anonymous
6th December 2020
Sunday 10:40 am
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>>440494
Sugar free Irn Bru is an absolute travesty and somehow left me with a slight ammonic taste in my mouth, might just've been that I was eating liquorice at the time, but I never encountered that with the new regular Irn Bru.

Are Jocks still hoarding the original stuff to use as currency when the Haggis markets collapse?
>> No. 440511 Anonymous
6th December 2020
Sunday 11:44 am
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>>440508

How dare you. The Haggis markets are stronger than they have ever been and are set to surge further Post-Brexit when Brits will switch to a predominantly offal based diet.
>> No. 440512 Anonymous
6th December 2020
Sunday 11:52 am
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If I win the lottery on Tuesday I will take both of you to Blair Drummond Safari Park for a day trip.
>> No. 440515 Anonymous
6th December 2020
Sunday 1:02 pm
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>>440512
I loved Blair Drummond as a kid, not only the animals, but I distinctly remember this awesome play area which had what felt like loads of tunnels on the ground level.
I would like to take the opportunity, if indeed you do win on Tuesday, to be allowed to bring a mucky slag to see to in said tunnels.
>> No. 440517 Anonymous
6th December 2020
Sunday 1:04 pm
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>>440515

Surely you're old enough to be allowed out without your mum by now?
>> No. 440519 Anonymous
6th December 2020
Sunday 1:11 pm
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>>440517
Yeah, but you're taking me. You'll have to make it a +3 instead of a +2. I probably wouldn't be able to afford the luxury of an extra ticket for said working lady on top of the tenner she'd be getting.
>> No. 440526 Anonymous
6th December 2020
Sunday 2:47 pm
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>>440519

I never said anything about buying tickets for the park. I'm going to bribe the janitor to let us in through a service entrance
>> No. 440530 Anonymous
6th December 2020
Sunday 3:17 pm
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>I'm going to bribe the janitor to let us in through a service entrance

Isn't that what the other otherlad is planning on doing to the tart?
>> No. 440531 Anonymous
6th December 2020
Sunday 6:27 pm
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>>440530
Purposely didn't say 'to let us in the back door' precisely to avoid this kind of joke, but I doff my cap to your commitment and apologise for not giving you the better set-up.

I'll buy you a 99 at Blair Drummond Safari Park on Wednesday.
>> No. 440532 Anonymous
6th December 2020
Sunday 6:33 pm
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>>440531

I feel like service entrance is a better setup. It's less obvious and "service" has another layer of double entendre.
>> No. 440533 Anonymous
6th December 2020
Sunday 6:38 pm
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>>440493

Incorrect sir, your list is entirely absent Spanish Holiday Resort Fanta and glass bottle Coca Cola.

Back to the topic at hand: Am I the only one who has sadistic fantasies about the hoops I'd make my (former) work colleagues jump through to get a hand-out from my big lottery win?

There's a handful of people I'd chuck a million no questions asked, but I'd make the rest perform like those tortured dancing bears for an envelope with £3.50 in at the end of it.
>> No. 440552 Anonymous
7th December 2020
Monday 10:48 am
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>>440533
You're not. I've thought about various scenarios that would be downright humiliating for a couple of people, but I would actually give a then former knobhead colleague a few grand no questions if they stood up for themselves and told me to get fucked. I can full well imagine a lot of Gemma from HR types would straight up want a shag for whatever 9-month long scheme they could be hatching or just for a few grand.

There are a lot of people I'd help retrain as whatever they want, support/reward them quite well financially for seriously giving a veterinary nurse (or whatever) course a proper go.

Giving someone large amounts of money comes a cropper when it gets taxed or whatever, I'm not entirely sure if the same is the case for a house, so buying people decent houses and paying their utility bills, just so that massive expense has been scrubbed away, would be my preferred path.
>> No. 440555 Anonymous
7th December 2020
Monday 11:51 am
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>>440552
>Giving someone large amounts of money comes a cropper when it gets taxed
Oh? So if I won the lottery and I wrote a cheque of £3k to the bloke who sits at the desk next to mine as a gift, that would have to be declared as any other income?
>> No. 440556 Anonymous
7th December 2020
Monday 12:00 pm
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>>440555

Something to do with inheritance tax if you peg it inside 7 years of giving the money/assets as a gift. So it seems houses aren't immune and count as part of your estate. Surely I could just charge a nominal rent and set up one of those renter's right to buy after protracted occupancy things at £1/pa and write it off or something.
>> No. 440560 Anonymous
7th December 2020
Monday 6:00 pm
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>>440556
I know we're getting on a bit but surely we're not planning on dying in the next seven years.
>> No. 440561 Anonymous
7th December 2020
Monday 7:59 pm
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>>440556

Inheritance tax only kicks in after a certain threshold, which is certainly a bit more than 3k, I think it's about 300k.
>> No. 440562 Anonymous
7th December 2020
Monday 8:19 pm
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>>440561
£299,999.99 for you then.
>> No. 440563 Anonymous
7th December 2020
Monday 8:37 pm
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>>440561
If it's a lifetime gift then it's only an issue if a) you die within seven years and it's not covered by the exemptions or b) you try to gift more than £325,000 into discretionary trusts over a rolling 7 year period.
>> No. 440564 Anonymous
8th December 2020
Tuesday 11:03 pm
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Sorry lads. Didn't win, but if I win on Friday I'll take you both to Codona's Amusement Park, Aberdeen Fun Beach.
>> No. 440566 Anonymous
9th December 2020
Wednesday 12:41 am
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>>440564
Can't you take us to that Storybook Glen monstrosity horror park instead? Sadly I only found out about it after I left Aberdeen.
>> No. 440567 Anonymous
9th December 2020
Wednesday 10:17 am
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I'll get you two a spam fritter and chips, my treat. I'll then take you for an afternoon in Withernsea.
>> No. 440568 Anonymous
9th December 2020
Wednesday 10:27 am
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>>440567
>Carvers

No thanks, lad.
>> No. 440569 Anonymous
9th December 2020
Wednesday 11:12 am
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>>440567
>> No. 440570 Anonymous
9th December 2020
Wednesday 11:56 am
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>>440569
Chips have been surprisingly decent from Sea Urchin recently.
>> No. 440576 Anonymous
9th December 2020
Wednesday 1:01 pm
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>>440569
>>440570

Barracuda's the only place to go, really.
>> No. 440577 Anonymous
9th December 2020
Wednesday 1:07 pm
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>>440576
Park Square is alright, if you can tolerate the goblin woman.
>> No. 440580 Anonymous
9th December 2020
Wednesday 1:47 pm
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>>440568
Unless you fancy a battered haggis and actually edible chips from Goldenfry?
I could buy Hull City and treat you two to watching it getting stuck in the box.
>> No. 440588 Anonymous
9th December 2020
Wednesday 4:03 pm
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How about we go to Broughty Ferry Castle Museum and take in some culture?
>> No. 440589 Anonymous
9th December 2020
Wednesday 4:06 pm
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>>440588
Not whilst there are seagulls as big as a man hanging around.
>> No. 440590 Anonymous
9th December 2020
Wednesday 4:12 pm
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>>440589

Why not? Lay down a couple of Gull Creels catch some scran. A single Dundonian Herring Gull can feed a family of 6 for a week.
>> No. 440604 Anonymous
10th December 2020
Thursday 12:04 pm
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Can we go to Beamish?
>> No. 440608 Anonymous
10th December 2020
Thursday 12:35 pm
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>>440604
A splendid recommendation. I remember most of it from a school trip apart from the pub. I wonder if they enforce the recently broken rule of not allowing children inside pubs.
>> No. 440634 Anonymous
11th December 2020
Friday 9:16 pm
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Lads, I've got a funny feeling that I've won the whole thing. I will buy both of you a Ferrari if this comes true.
>> No. 440635 Anonymous
11th December 2020
Friday 9:27 pm
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>>440634
Can it be a creaky old moneypit of a ferrari, please? Not one of the newfangled modern ones? A Dino would be fine.
>> No. 440637 Anonymous
11th December 2020
Friday 9:29 pm
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So do they e-mail you when you've won or what? I'll understand if they're a bit delayed getting to me, the boss knows I won't be in next week anyway, I've explained the situation.

Are you looking forward to our day out to Cleethorpes lads?
>> No. 440638 Anonymous
11th December 2020
Friday 9:34 pm
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>>440637
Did Pleasure Island reopen?
>> No. 440639 Anonymous
11th December 2020
Friday 9:36 pm
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>>440638

Well, when I get my winnings I'll buy the cunt.
>> No. 440641 Anonymous
11th December 2020
Friday 10:13 pm
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>>440634
A ferrari each, or one to share?

I'll have it Monday, Tuesday, Friday, and the second half of Sundays if the latter.
>> No. 440642 Anonymous
12th December 2020
Saturday 9:03 am
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It's over chaps.
The Jackpot was won by a ruddy foreigner.
STAYIN OVER THERE, TEKKIN ARE LOTTERY WINS!
>> No. 440643 Anonymous
12th December 2020
Saturday 9:26 am
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>>440642
Can we do Euromillions after Brexit?
>> No. 440644 Anonymous
12th December 2020
Saturday 9:29 am
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>>440643
At £2.50 a go? Are you joking?
>> No. 440647 Anonymous
12th December 2020
Saturday 9:40 am
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>>440643

Isn't that what the trade deal is all about?
>> No. 440649 Anonymous
12th December 2020
Saturday 3:10 pm
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A very gently spoken Chinese man spoke to me about ten years ago. He said to me that I will have great fortune within ten years, else complete wrack and ruin fall upon everybody I have ever known.

That man was Mao Zedong, current leader of China, people.

Beware rambling half-bald fuckers, lest ye yerself be taken in. Ye have been warned. Ye shan't need warning again.
>> No. 440650 Anonymous
12th December 2020
Saturday 4:24 pm
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>>440642
Fuck the French. What does he honestly think he's going to do with all that money?
>> No. 440652 Anonymous
12th December 2020
Saturday 7:34 pm
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>>440650

Probably taking his two mates off Frogchan to Disney Land.

Let's not get downhearted anyway chaps, I reckon we can still get away with sneaking a few tinnies into the Tommy Tinkaboo Boat Ride and squatting overnight.
>> No. 440658 Anonymous
13th December 2020
Sunday 5:49 pm
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>>440652
Well, I doubt £175m is going to make him happy, Disney trip or not.

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