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>> No. 18262 Anonymous ## Mod ##
5th March 2014
Wednesday 8:27 pm
18262 Please check the old pages for similar threads Locked Stickied
before creating a new one.
Failure to do so may result in angry shouting.
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>> No. 29363 Anonymous
2nd February 2020
Sunday 12:12 pm
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Go here if you want to talk to someone one-on-one: https://discord.gg/Nwn8b29

>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
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>> No. 31300 Anonymous
27th November 2021
Saturday 12:04 am
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I haven't seen even a single property to let in Beeston while searching, it's evidently just out of my range.

Loads in Beeston, but not Beeston.
>> No. 31301 Anonymous
27th November 2021
Saturday 2:16 am
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Around ten years ago, when everything was obviously still a bit scandalous but less mad than it is now, I saw something in the news which said most people spend around 30% of their income on rent, and this was an outrage. I was probably around the 45% mark at the time and felt pretty proud of how I was surviving and my savings would one day make me rich. Now, I am better off, and I have 40 grand in the bank and still can't buy a house. I'm honestly considering just buying a slum house at an auction for 20 grand(ish), doing it up with my remaining money, and selling it on for a profit, even though I am firmly of the opinion that the people who do this are part of the problem and must be stopped. Any such slum house would be at least 50 miles from where I live, and I don't have a car, and this is entirely due to the fucking pricks who buy all the houses.

Terrorists are always fighting over mad shit that doesn't matter instead of righteous causes like mine. That's the only thing that makes them bad. It's weird how I am gradually making peace with the fact I might have to live with the shame of being a house-flipper parasite, but I still feel reluctant to live with the shame of wiping these fuckers out.
>> No. 31302 Anonymous
27th November 2021
Saturday 5:52 am
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Why do I always find myself so intertwined with manipulative, selfish people who think they can take me for a mug? Why does this cycle keep repeating?

I'm far from a gullible person, in fact quite the fucking opposite, otherwise I wouldn't keep finding myself in this mess where I correctly read the signs of what they're up to, and eventually force the truth out of them, and then it's a whole shit show to disentangle your emotions and everything.

Do people just misjudge me that badly that they think I'm a fucking slack cunt who'll fall for any old bullshit? Why is it always *surprised pikachu face* when I challenge them and it turns out I knew exactly what was going on? I swear to christ.
>> No. 31303 Anonymous
27th November 2021
Saturday 12:49 pm
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Well maybe you are not successfully presenting your non-gullibleness from the off.
>> No. 31304 Anonymous
28th November 2021
Sunday 10:53 am
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I don't mean to sound needy, but when I show more interest in people's new shoes than they do in really important things that happen to me, I start to feel really quite bad about myself.

>> No. 30864 Anonymous
20th June 2021
Sunday 9:42 pm
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How do I meet girls? Obviously it's hard during lockdown. Online dating isn't working. Getting conversation out of lasses on those apps is like getting blood from a stone, and when I do meet girls from them it goes nowhere. One of us, usually her, gets bored after a date or two.

I'm not naturally a very social being. I don't chat to people, I don't make friends on holiday.

I've looked at meetup before, there are casual board game meets or generic social meets, but they're full of slightly socially maladjusted lads like myself. The things I actually want to do skew heavily male. I don't think turning up to a knitting club or something would go down well. Trying to pick up hobbies to increase my social circle seems like a good idea, but it's quite indirect. Friends are nice, but I want to meet women.

Can I talk to girls in pubs or bars, is that a thing people actually do?

Do I try ultimate frisbee or korfball? Crossfit?
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>> No. 30869 Anonymous
21st June 2021
Monday 6:09 pm
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I see the usual speed dating suggestion being made, if your attractive, not shy and are capable of striking up a brief conversation with a stranger then go for it.

My experience with speed dating was guys like the above highlighted the socially awkward even more the usual
>> No. 30870 Anonymous
21st June 2021
Monday 8:38 pm
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The solution is obvious.

>> No. 30871 Anonymous
21st June 2021
Monday 9:28 pm
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More broadly, just try to put yourself in a room where you're the only man - craft groups, creative writing classes, holistic therapy courses, whatever. Scarcity value kicks in and you're assumed to be a decent catch simply because of the lack of other men.
>> No. 31290 Anonymous
25th November 2021
Thursday 2:52 pm
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Then when you go out together into the greater world you're suddenly cast up against the rest of manhood and quite prossibly fall short in comparison.
>> No. 31293 Anonymous
25th November 2021
Thursday 3:40 pm
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Once someone's fallen for you they don't tend to drop you for the first gigachad they see in public, you've got to get your hooks in during the basket weaving phase.

>> No. 30898 Anonymous
29th July 2021
Thursday 1:57 pm
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I never recovered from the end of university. I'm nearly 30 now and have not made a single friend or acquaintane since the day university ended and my established friendship group disintegrated overnight. I do everything alone. I drink alone, I go to the gym alone, my job is remote. I've never been in a serious relationship and likely never will be.

I don't fit in the world, I never had problems socialising or talking to strangers or whatever, but I don't fit in society. It happens around me. Crying now. I don't know what to do. Attempted suicide a few years ago, obviously failed. Nobody knows about it, because there is nobody to know about it.
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>> No. 31198 Anonymous
31st October 2021
Sunday 12:02 am
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My birthday is in a couple weeks, as I've been feeling a little blue lately I tried to organise something but have found that I don't really have any friends anymore.

What's the most effective way of making friends in the big city. I don't have any musical talent and I'm struggling to find the kind of volunteering that would make me friends my own age (early 30s). I can have relationships and people seem to enjoy my company but I just can't seem to make friends. My career would be the obvious choice but I tend to build a wall around myself in the office and struggle in a group setting.

Are house shares a good way of making friends or is it a horrible gamble? Do I really have to listen to what they're saying about using bumble for friends or does that just lead to getting myself porked?
>> No. 31199 Anonymous
31st October 2021
Sunday 12:33 am
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>> No. 31200 Anonymous
31st October 2021
Sunday 12:45 am
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If you go to a pub quiz on your own, you will be surrounded by other weirdos and, more importantly, the quizmaster will most likely be amiable and outgoing and eager to befriend you. He will also be friends with other people, whom you can then befriend too. You might need to do this a few times, but pub quizzes are great so it'll be worth it.
>> No. 31201 Anonymous
31st October 2021
Sunday 5:30 pm
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House shares are a very expensive gamble. You could end up with a bunch of likeminded people and forge friendships, or you might live with selfish cunts and realise you're stuck with them for 12 months. I've had it both ways. I wouldn't recommend it as a way to make friends, just because it's so risky and could have you living in a shit environment for a year.
>> No. 31202 Anonymous
31st October 2021
Sunday 6:12 pm
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Fuck, well I jumped the gun this afternoon then. Is there anything to watch out for? I'm at least trying to avoid living with just one other housemate.

>> No. 30888 Anonymous
11th July 2021
Sunday 11:52 am
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I am a 29 year old male, my partner a 29 year old woman. We've been together for 10 years. We lost our virginity to each other. Neither of us have slept with any one else. We both strongly consider each other our life partners.

I've always been more sexually minded than her, my libido is much higher. This has been a problem at certain points of our relationship that I have been happy to bring up. She always responds understandingly and it fixes temporarily.

But recently I've begun to really strongly desire other women. I think it has something to do with me turning 30 next year, despite it being an arbitrary number, really.

This is something I've even brought upto her in the past, during these conversations, and she even seems quite understanding. Recognising that whilst she herself doesn't really care, she respects it's important to me. That said anything beyond a simple recognition seems beyond us. It I were to directly ask "can I sleep with another woman?" she would respond (unsurprisingly) negatively.

I feel kind of stuck, really. What I have with her is absolutely incredible and easily worth never sleeping with someone else. But it eats at me. Not always, but enough. In the shower, during a post sex moment of clarity, when I'm served by a pretty barista, and so on.

What do I do? Like I said, she is actually quite receptive of me bringing this up. And as we age seems to be more and more understanding and calm. But I can see it from her point of view as well and it must feel awful. I've asked her if she feels the same sort of thing and her answer is basically "kind of, but I don't really care". Like I said she's not very sexually orientated anyway, even once a week is a bit of a stretch. Is this something I learn to just live with? I could never cheat on her, it would break my heart and obviously break hers if she found out. But I can't contend with this feeling all my life, surely.
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>> No. 31192 Anonymous
28th October 2021
Thursday 12:52 am
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I get the feeling the word "queer" is starting to lose all meaning too. By this point it seems to be just the word you use if you're not really gay or trans or any of that stuff, but you want to fit in with the hip rainbow acronym clique all the same.
>> No. 31193 Anonymous
28th October 2021
Thursday 7:55 am
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I'd rather stick my knob in a blender.
>> No. 31194 Anonymous
28th October 2021
Thursday 9:09 am
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That's such a cop out. If you're on the soft and the blender's the right size you're in no danger at all.
>> No. 31195 Anonymous
28th October 2021
Thursday 3:32 pm
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Haha get a load of micropenis here

Undeniably yes. That's pretty much what the word is treated as; they reclaimed the slur and shared it with anyone who wants to be even more special than L, G, B and T. I don't see how it differs from the + in LGBTQIA+, but I'm sure they would all be scandalised to hear that.
>> No. 31196 Anonymous
28th October 2021
Thursday 6:29 pm
31196 Q

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>> No. 31099 Anonymous
4th October 2021
Monday 2:19 pm
31099 EMDR
Anyone with experience with EMDR?
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>> No. 31100 Anonymous
4th October 2021
Monday 3:18 pm
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My therapist recommended it to me once, saying she knew a colleague nearby who was an expert in the field. But because its effectiveness is controversial from what you read online, I decided not to pursue it. I also didn't feel like telling yet another person about my innermost emotional damage. So I stayed with my therapist, and we were able to sort me out with standard CBT.
>> No. 31101 Anonymous
4th October 2021
Monday 4:35 pm
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According to wikipedia, "Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a form of psychotherapy in which the person being treated is asked to recall distressing images; the therapist then directs the patient in one type of bilateral stimulation, such as side-to-side eye rapid movement or hand tapping.

The treatment apparently works by an unknown process, but the theories are pretty interesting.

The idea recalls to mind how common it is for modern websites to use a left-right image-text scrolling format which requires rapid eye movements to follow. Perhaps there's a hypnotic quality?
>> No. 31102 Anonymous
4th October 2021
Monday 4:41 pm
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>The idea recalls to mind how common it is for modern websites to use a left-right image-text scrolling format which requires rapid eye movements to follow. Perhaps there's a hypnotic quality?

It might also be that web and app designers are stumbling upon something hypnotic by pursuing the goal of longer recorded use times by users.
>> No. 31103 Anonymous
4th October 2021
Monday 4:59 pm
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This sort of text presentation is way older than the Internet

>> No. 31014 Anonymous
19th September 2021
Sunday 7:51 pm
31014 Outsourcing fetishes
Not really an emo thread as such, although the issues have caused a fair bit of stress over the years.

There are sexual things I want to try, and my Mrs despite being very open minded and adventurous is definitely not into the thing I want to do.

I’m considering paying for it and can easily do it all without any worries about cost or privacy. I don’t see it as cheating be I won’t actually be ducking the other woman and we’ve done stuff with other people before.

So don’t come at me with me being morally corrupt or whatever. I just want to know if anyone else has used professional service to solve similar problems before?
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>> No. 31091 Anonymous
26th September 2021
Sunday 10:22 am
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You could turn shagging prozzies into a hobby, too, a bit like trainspotting. Carry a little notebook about, log the time, their name, and their national insurance number, maybe a short description of any rare or unique attributes like a missing leg etc.
>> No. 31092 Anonymous
26th September 2021
Sunday 10:28 am
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I'm in the initial stages of writing a how-to book for starting a cult. It's very similar to starting a dictatorship really, the main difference is scale.
>> No. 31093 Anonymous
26th September 2021
Sunday 10:41 am
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>> No. 31094 Anonymous
26th September 2021
Sunday 2:26 pm
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I remember a story in a guy who did more or less than and used the results to publish a sort of hookers guidebook. It’s was obviously on Eurotrash or similar.
>> No. 31095 Anonymous
26th September 2021
Sunday 5:47 pm
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Sounds like punternet.

>> No. 31076 Anonymous
24th September 2021
Friday 9:11 pm
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So I don't find my girlfriend's body physically attractive. She's quite overweight.
I think I mentioned going to the gym together after seeing her naked, which prompted her to ask if I liked her body a few days after. I felt like this was entrapment so I dodged the question.

When I've been honest with her in the past she has gotten incredibly upset so I think the direct approach is not best here. She has a personal trainer which she sees often but a gym membership she barely uses.
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>> No. 31077 Anonymous
24th September 2021
Friday 9:14 pm
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Go on?
>> No. 31078 Anonymous
24th September 2021
Friday 9:15 pm
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Define quite overweight.
>> No. 31079 Anonymous
24th September 2021
Friday 10:05 pm
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>When I've been honest with her in the past she has gotten incredibly upset so I think the direct approach is not best here

Why not? You can point out that it's making her unwell and you don't like seeing seeing someone you care for eat herself to death. It's only going to get worse as time goes on.

Maybe you could get her into cooking, absolutely discourage baking, get her thinking about her food that way. Arrange that you eat a small dinner together with no distractions so she can appreciate the tastes and textures over senseless eating. Make her a snob.
>> No. 31081 Anonymous
25th September 2021
Saturday 7:06 pm
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I actually had the opposite problem with my last ex. She kept losing weight, and obviously I was happy for her and she was really doing well in terms of achieving her desires.

The problem is she was a lot fitter when she still had an arse on her, she was barely 5 feet tall, with a flat chest, and looked like a ten year old boy once she'd lost the curves. I obviously didn't say it quite that bluntly, just that I liked her when she was more shapely, but she was not impressed.

What I have concluded from this is that a woman's attractiveness to you does not enter her sphere of consideration whatsoever. She couldn't give a toss if you think she's attractive, what she wants is to look in the mirror and see what she wants to see. You're barking up the wrong tree if you think a woman will ever alter her appearance on your behalf- You're just occasionally lucky if the two overlap.

Also if you can't be honest with someone you can't really have anything. So while I don't wish to be harsh, that's not a good sign. By my stage in life my eyes would roll out of the back of my head if my missus asked me that classic "Am I fat?" trap question, and I'd say "Yes, you lardy cunt, but I'm still fucking you aren't I?"
>> No. 31096 Anonymous
26th September 2021
Sunday 8:25 pm
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When asked "Do you think I'm fat" from a morbidly obese female relative, my reply was "I'll answer if you want, but i'm not going to lie to you". The question was promptly put to rest.

>> No. 30335 Anonymous
9th January 2021
Saturday 1:52 pm
30335 Is this self pity? How would I address that?
Having acted a general idiot and perhaps cunt, I feel I've alienated myself from an online community. This wouldn't be a major problem except that I have no other community on or offline and I've come to regard this one with familiarity.

For most of my adult life I've sheltered myself from society, for sake of this inclination toward public embarrassment. I don't lose control of myself or conciously engage in destructive behaviour - rather I become comfortable in the situation and behave less inhibited. Mild doses of SSRIs have made this behaviour more apparant in the past.

I feel as though living as reserved as I usually do may be a problem. I don't often have fun nor engage with other people reguarly.
I want to be responsibly sociable. But as any whining coward, I immidiately turn to excuses. The risk of feeling this useless again is great - What's worse is that people see it and judge, casting the character as cement in society.

I fool myself with delusions of gandure that I might one day own a cottage and garden to offer a wife or partner, but then this happens again and I realise like the Artillary Man there is a gulf between my dreams and power.

A few times through life I've witnessed these sort of confidence trickster type people who roll in, create a buzz and a following, achieve a goal then roll out again leaving only destruction and those who don't follow. I can see how i idolise this sort of behaviour and desperately want to replicate it.
To run from place to place seems fundamentally dishonest - to disallow people to witness your mistakes and only return when you're made capable and impressive. All you'd really be learning is to run from critisism and get out before the game is up.

I don't really know what this post is meant for, except to perpetuate a myth of character. And I tell myself I hate that.
I guess all i need to do is find a ballance between introversion and extroversion.
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>> No. 30993 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 1:07 pm
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I'm sure I'm repeating what others have said already but it doesn't sound like sociopathy, more something stemming from trauma maybe. Sociopathy isn't about being a loner, it's about a callous disregard and using of the people who you are around. I suspect sociopaths aren't worried about being sociopaths.
>> No. 30994 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 1:24 pm
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>I'm sure I'm repeating what others have said
Yeah, i didn't really add much to the thread did i? Thanks for the response, i guess i was just complaining again.
>> No. 30995 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 1:39 pm
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Maybe people would like you more if you could capitalise 'i'. I know this is emo but come the fuck on.

You just lack confidence in who you are as a person, probably suffer from being a schizoid and antisocial personality disorder like everyone else on the internet. Just accept who you are and learn to live the life that suits you best, plenty of schizoids still manage long-term relationships. I think women even treat it as a given that their man might spend most of his free-time alone.

Unless you really want to be surrounded by people from some perverse masochism in which case ditch the internet and get yourself a tropical wife.
>> No. 30996 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 7:17 pm
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>Maybe people would like you more if you could capitalise 'i'
I'll admit I think I'm the cause of perhaps 90% of 'i' complaints across britfa.gs. Since a child I've wondered why anyone would think themselves important enough to capitalise it. I suppose you could comment that it's in effect a name so it should be capitalised, but it still feels weird to make the claim.
>> No. 30997 Anonymous
2nd September 2021
Thursday 8:04 pm
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>Since a child I've wondered why anyone would think themselves important enough to capitalise it.

You are important enough to capitalise it.

>> No. 30904 Anonymous
4th August 2021
Wednesday 1:57 pm
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Going through yet another break-up. I think I'm hardening to it, at this stage.

I'll be honest, the worst part of it from the lad's side is just getting someone to care again. I'm tired of the constant effort it takes to even have the opportunity to date. It's like I have to take all the initiative, all of the rejection, all the risk of making a move, essentially all of the time.

This is only my experience, so it's anecdotal evidence, but I'm just venting on an imageboard and not publishing a sociology study. I'm frustrated that the times in my life that a lass has decided she's interested in me they've variously been passive to the point of non-existent about it (i.e. arseing about with her hair on the other side of the room), or downright obnoxious (i.e. grabbing parts they shouldn't grab), whereas when I want to express my interest I feel like I have to go through a dance of proving my best intentions that, if I'm honest, never really ends throughout the relationship.

I often wish I could just get rid of my libido and need for companionship, because it's that need that's pushing me out there into an arena where the ratio of worthwhile human connection to humiliation and danger is laughably bad.

I'll miss the girl I'm with, but what I'm dreading more is the oncoming cycle of loneliness, complete lack of sexual and physical affection, on top of the expectation that I'm the one that's meant to "Get Out There" and "Make Things Happen" yet again. I just don't know if I have the heart for it, and yet a huge part of myself goes unexpressed when I'm single.

I've sort of tried other "middle grounds" in the past, i.e. dating around, trying short-term relationships, but not only is that unsatisfying, frankly it's a fucking full-time job. Or rather, like working four or five part-time jobs simultaneously.
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>> No. 30908 Anonymous
4th August 2021
Wednesday 8:08 pm
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>Maybe take a bit of time to do self-care (good opportunity to getting back to the gym now that covid restrictions are easing etc).

Yeah this. OP, take some time to get your life in order first and don't bother jumping straight back into the shark tank for your own sake. Loneliness hurts but begging around like a dog and getting into the first pants that will have you is your worst case scenario.

>Maybe get along to one of those speed dating events as there are no doubt hordes of horny ladies who have been couped up indoors for a over a year, many of whom have just gotten out of unfulfilling long term relationships.

Can confirm this is not the case, it's still as flaky and superficial as always. Partly I think it's a (somewhat justified) cowardice on the part of women-kind however much they actually feel alone. I mean I wouldn't want to get fucked by a bloke either and especially if I had to deal with wolves in sheep's clothing.

>This post is 90% me trying to pick up my droopy lip after the housemate I was shagging last month has told me that we shall no longer be knocking boots now or at any future time

Get out of there before it's too late. Burn your house down and call it self-defence if you have to.
>> No. 30911 Anonymous
6th August 2021
Friday 4:02 pm
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>Partly I think it's a (somewhat justified) cowardice on the part of women-kind however much they actually feel alone. I mean I wouldn't want to get fucked by a bloke either and especially if I had to deal with wolves in sheep's clothing.

I appreciate you're trying to take a balanced view, here, but under no circumstances would my "cowardice" ever be viewed as even "somewhat justified", and I really resent the implication that men are wolves by default until they prove otherwise. If you think about it for a second, you should be able to see how viciously sexist that line of thinking is. Lads are human too, after all.

And that was one of the sore points I wanted to express in the OP. I'm really tired of going into every relationship on the backfoot and then having to take a disproportionate responsibility for how well things are going. I just generally feel like I'm jumping through hoops to prove I'm even worth the time.
>> No. 30913 Anonymous
6th August 2021
Friday 7:45 pm
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>but under no circumstances would my "cowardice" ever be viewed as even "somewhat justified", and I really resent the implication that men are wolves by default until they prove otherwise.

You're questioning why a woman would be somewhat cautious about opening herself up to an unknown man? Especially when they're literally conditioned to be this way, know full well you'll think less of her for being too keen and has had a pile of other blokes trying to fuck her at any given moment since she turned 12. That goes double on dating apps.

I don't care if you find it sexist. I've personally put up with a lot of shitty women I'd have no interest in were it not for their body and then regretted my logic in post-nut clarity. I now ask myself before I get involved with a woman whether I'd hang out with her if she was a bloke.

>And that was one of the sore points I wanted to express in the OP. I'm really tired of going into every relationship on the backfoot and then having to take a disproportionate responsibility for how well things are going. I just generally feel like I'm jumping through hoops to prove I'm even worth the time.

Tables soon change once you put your dick in her though innit. But yeah the dating game is bullshit, heed the .gs advice of not playing the game - meet women through friends/hobbies. Take this chance to work on yourself.
>> No. 30914 Anonymous
7th August 2021
Saturday 12:06 am
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Emo isn't the place to be devil's advocate mate, even if what you were saying was true. Birds have a lot more agency and responsibility than they'd like to admit in why the dating "market" is the way it is. It's just convenient for them that most blokes are happy to play along.

What we can agree on is that the winning move is not to play, but the caveat is it's a much longer search with a much more proactive effort required. Even so it's the last thing OP needs to worry about right now, and he shouldn't even trouble himself thinking about it. That's for another time, and as long as it takes for him to be ready.
>> No. 30915 Anonymous
7th August 2021
Saturday 12:09 am
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>Birds have a lot more agency and responsibility than they'd like to admit in why the dating "market" is the way it is.


>> No. 30156 Anonymous
17th November 2020
Tuesday 9:11 am
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I realise this might sound like a non-issue to some, but I genuinely think my libido/how I think of sex/my sexual habits are endangering a great relationship.

I'm currently living with my girlfriend, and we're having sex probably around four times per week. The way we have it, and the frequency, makes me very happy. I wouldn't want to change anything about it.

Yet I'm still finding myself with a constant "itch". Before we got together, I was playing around with Tinder and similar dating apps after having moved to a new city, and I had loads of fun. Before this, I hadn't been with anyone in maybe two or three years, and to jump back into that was a bit overwhelming. It was partly exhausting, partly thrilling.

I really enjoy the pursuit, flirting, getting to know someone, and finally getting to the intimate stages. I'm not hugely proud of this, but there were times I was involved with more than one girl, under the pretence I wasn't (or at least omission of the fact). That was a shit feeling, I told everyone involved, and I've learned to be more upfront and honest, in that respect.

Now, though, I'm in a pretty healthy and mutually supportive relationship. I don't know where the "itch" is coming from. It may be a bit more complicated than just biology. As stupid as it sounds, I think I just enjoy the freedom to see others (and be seen as) a sexual being more than the rutting.

But I'm also aware I'm going down a really stupid path for the sake of feeling desirable(?) or sexually satisfied. I now find myself casually browsing porn, noticing the body language of girls when I'm out, and (even though I'm a bit ashamed of the thought) wondering what I might find if I quietly put myself on one of those dating apps.

I haven't, and I'd like to think I wouldn't, but something obviously needs to be changed here. I'm already thinking I should curb the porn viewing, and try to channel the energy into something else (I'm already exercising a lot).

Have you lads experienced anything like this? I don't want to hurt the feelings of my girlfriend, or imply that sex between us "isn't enough", because that's not the case. I have a feeling this is tied a lot more to the way I came into the relationship (total deprivation to sudden exposure) than the relationship itself.
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>> No. 30334 Anonymous
6th January 2021
Wednesday 9:43 pm
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As wonderful as our chemistry is when she's here, she has expressed absolutely zero interest in sexting or phone sex, and even less in sending pictures or anything to keep me occupied.

I kind of understand, it's not my favourite thing, either. I will maybe bring it up with her when she returns.
>> No. 30884 Anonymous
3rd July 2021
Saturday 8:22 pm
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An unfortunate continuation of this rather controversial /emo/ thread of mine, then.

I haven't done anything, but my girlfriend has gone home again. She'll typically go back for a few weeks each year over Easter, Summer, and/or over Christmas to spend time with her mother (who is otherwise alone). Things were pretty tense before she left, as we were both under quite a bit of stress.

After several weeks by myself, I'm going out of my mind with sexual need. I'm channelling it into work and exercise. I have done very strenuous training every day throughout June, sometimes twice a day.

I swear women must have some sort of sixth sense for this sort of thing, because out of nowhere an old flame in another city just casually text me tonight with an offer to go and visit, offering the spare bed at hers if I ever "need a break".

What a seed to plant in my head. Not that I should need to justify my needs, but I do still think it goes beyond just being horny - feeling attractive and physically wanted seems to be bound up with my sense of security in relationships, maybe even my general confidence. Another significant factor I haven't mentioned is that "taking care of myself" really just doesn't cut it for me. Even extended sessions with lots of stimulation leave me feeling pretty drained and unhappy. It gets the physical need off my back, but the emotional and psychological need persists.

What would make this much easier is if I had any indication at all that my girlfriend still saw me as a sexual being, even when I'm not physically there to express it. I have no idea how she just switches this off or ignores it when we're apart for ages. In her own words, it just doesn't bother her unless she's in that particular stage of her cycle. The result, of course, is that she never initiates and has no reason to think about it unless I bring it up. How do you even bring up such a topic without making it sound like getting me to orgasm is another chore to be handled, even at a distance? Biology is ridiculous.

I'm afraid my conscience still won't let me go through with anything like this, at least not without horrible guilt. At the same time, I don't want to be in this pitiful position of asking my girlfriend for more sexual attention.
>> No. 30885 Anonymous
4th July 2021
Sunday 1:38 am
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This is probably bad advice, but you could try withholding sex yourself. Any time she's 'in that stage of her cycle' you can tell her sorry babe I'm not in the mood. Eventually she'll get to a point where she's begging you to do her and complaining about her needs, and then you can acquiesce - and thenceforth throw that in her face any time you ask for sex and she objects. Not that she is currently objecting, from the sounds of it, but having her ask you for sex at least once might soothe your conscience about seeming like a chore to her.

Whereas if you try it and it turns out she never has the desire to have sex with you again, it's an indicator that you might want to consider whether or not to remain in the relationship.
>> No. 30886 Anonymous
4th July 2021
Sunday 2:25 am
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Sounds like wanking before you make any decision is a good idea. An ex of mine misunderstood a text of mine and flat out said "I'd be up for a fuck", it took me a week or two to get that out of my head, despite having my prolific needs met. If the offer's there now, it'll be there again, if not her then someone else.

You could potentially split the difference with phone sex on adultwork, but then some people would equate that will sex in terms of cheating, or might have hangups about sex work.

If you think you might be polyamorous and not just horny, then it might be worth trying to gently mention it, but you'd need to educate yourself on the subject first to get an idea of the reality vs the fantasy, but it is worth investigating provided you don't put pressure on it.
>> No. 30887 Anonymous
4th July 2021
Sunday 2:33 am
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Unconventional advice, perhaps, but I'd suggest you do it. Go stay with the old flame. See if you cave in, or if the guilt keeps you off it.

Your anxiety probably stems from the guilt, the feeling you're a shit boyfriend. Chances are you're not. I was in a similar situation just before the Rona broke out. Went on a night out with an old flame of mine and we stayed in a hotel, we were pretty obviously supposed to fuck. And you know what, I wanted to. This girl was some of the best sex I've ever had the first time around. But I just couldn't. I couldn't be bothered with that whole dance of chancing the right moment to make my move, figuring out where to slide in the dirty little joke that progresses into flirting and snogging, etc.

I both regret the fact that I didn't, but I also have the peace of mind to know that in reality, I'm too old for the life of secret affairs and flings. My sex life at home might not be everything I want it to be, but much like my vague ambitions of a more in depth exercise routine, or doing more to proactively look after my car, I'm happy enough in life that I'm not going to act on any of them. They're just background niggles that come to the surface when I'm bored and depressed, if they were really big problems I'd do something about it.

>> No. 30860 Anonymous
20th June 2021
Sunday 12:10 pm
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I feel like there's a few paths in front of me, and the longer I delay the decision, the more "in a rut" I feel.

I've been very ambitious and have had some small measure of success. I'm now thirty. I completed a postgraduate degree at the start of this year. I live in a comfortable place doing uninspiring but decently paid work, and right now I'm just saving up for the next step in life.

The problem is, finding that next step is far harder than I initially anticipated in a highly "competitive" field. I also feel haunted by the memory of living off very little money, and get a constant sense that I should be more financially secure; that someone my age should have a house, a car, at least a full driving license.

I hate the thought of sitting here and selling my life by the hour, only to give it all away again on the next big risky venture, achieving qualification X so I finally have a chance at job Y. I will probably do it, because stagnating in comfort and giving up my dreams is worse for me than going through another few years penniless. But increasingly I'm becoming aware of the tradeoffs: advancing years with no assets, no family, and a girlfriend who's wondering why we don't have kids.

The next few decades could look radically, shockingly different depending on how I handle decisions over the next few years.
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>> No. 30861 Anonymous
20th June 2021
Sunday 12:41 pm
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Well you can pick off the easy wins, like getting your licence (assuming driving instructors are still a thing in the post-lockdown dystopia). That's something fully in your control.
>> No. 30862 Anonymous
20th June 2021
Sunday 3:25 pm
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Agreed, but even that takes money, which again detracts from long-term goals. I know I don't really have a choice, but God it's a bastard to constantly have to trade-off the present for the future.
>> No. 30863 Anonymous
20th June 2021
Sunday 4:39 pm
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I know what you mean. Time is a motherfucker and there's many bitter post-doctoral people if you want evidence of chasing a dream gone sour. If you're unhappy in your job then that would be the tipping point but the question is really on how unhappy you are and whether that is going to change.

As a rough estimate I'd say you have until 35 before you're really in a brown-trouser situation. Can you achieve your dream by then and still have time to do the usual family shit? Can you not achieve some balance however tenuous it might be?

Well if you're going to fly the space-planes out of Sutherland then you're still going to need to drive to it.

>> No. 30830 Anonymous
15th June 2021
Tuesday 11:36 pm
30830 My girlfriend is more like a roommate, what do I do?
We've been together years. When we first met, I feel like she misled me. She acted like she was really sex positive alongside our well matched personalities, and despite some obvious flags, like every idiot writing these things on the internet, I chose to ignore them.

We've become quite embedded as a couple, but she just isn't there sexually.She finds me hilarious, attractive (or so she says), and even orgasms every time we have sex. We cook together, go on holiday together, all the works. Sure we will have sex every week or so, but she'll never initiate it, she's quite frankly terrible at it and I never really feel she's all that interested. If we stopped having sex tomorrow I feel she wouldn't care. I have raised how mechanical and boring it feels and she blames it on me, despite being the only girl I've ever had this weird mechanic, motion grinding situation with.

I tried to talk to her about it a few months back, calmly, rationally and politely and she absolutely lost her shit. I just said I didn't feel sexually satisfied and found it frustrating. I mean really flipped her shit btw. Burst into tears just left in the middle of the night and walked around and didn't come back for hours. She said I was cold emotionally with her and didn't deserve rewards such as oral (another flag, hopefully she'd see sex as mutually enjoyable and not a reward system) because I wasn't as nice as I could be. She said in her old relationship she rarely had sex because she didn't find him attractive, but seems to think the absolute meagre offeirng we have is some sort of good thing.

Anyway a few months later, I've done my best for my part of the bargain but it's not picking up and it's fucking frustrating. It's like scheduling in a meeting at work. The other day, we were primed for it, 30 mins window, both hot and heavy and flirting and in various states of undress and then...nothing. She didn't think we had time, she didn't want me to get messy before meetings, the list goes on.

I quite frankly think I'm done, but I'm in London and I can't decide if it's worse being trapped in a sub par sexual relationship or going back to living with scruffy, man child like housemates. I really like my flat, I really like my current set up and if I could afford it alone I feel my choice would be an obvious one.

It worries me that in my 20s if I'm having these problems with her, it'd only get worse going on and I feel the only reason I won't pull the trigger is because I feel trapped by housing etc. I think I'm relatively desirable, women have and do hit on me and I've turned many down in this relationship because I care about her. She's beautiful, but it feels pointless because it's about as spontaneous and sexy as houseplants, it's not.

Has anybody any advice on what to do?

>Inb4 move out of London - for a myriad of reasons that isn't really an option for now.
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>> No. 30854 Anonymous
16th June 2021
Wednesday 6:27 pm
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The real red flag in OP's post and your post for that matter - is that both his missus and you view sex as a transaction. That should never be the case in a healthy relationship. How far away are you from telling your missus that you will give her £50 for a bit of BJ?

If you are powerless enough that you would bargain for sex, then you aren't sexy enough to her anyway. So might as well move on and not waste your life, and find someone who wants to fuck you.
>> No. 30855 Anonymous
16th June 2021
Wednesday 7:09 pm
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I don't want to be rude m8, but how old are you and what's the longest relationship you've been in? Sex is a very different thing when you're settled in a relationship and charging headlong towards middle-age. Withholding sex as a means to an end is undoubtedly toxic, but working together to satisfy each other's needs (sexual or otherwise) is the hallmark of a healthy relationship.

Lust does not survive in the long term. You will start to get a bit bored of each other, you will struggle to find the time and energy, you will have an ebbing and flowing sex drive due to stress and hormones and general health. The question is how you can deal with that stuff together rather than allowing it to force you apart.
>> No. 30856 Anonymous
16th June 2021
Wednesday 7:13 pm
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Thanks for all the responses, I wrote this last night and wasn't expecting to come back to a good bit of activity.

Special shout out to the lad that has obviously been through it, it completely echoes my experience. >>30831 How did it turn out for you in the end?

There are a few lads questioning the sex. She orgasms every time. Not fake, not close. Very rarely (once in 20), she won't reach climax but make effort to let me get my thrills off. I also don't want to be that guy on the internet, but my member isn't insubstantial and whilst this isn't the only part of a successful dalliance, it works in the very type of specific sex she gets off to. We will often do it for her, then for me once I've satisfied her, so it's not that. Of course it could be but it's really not something that seems plausible.

Thanks, she has had plenty of reasons to dump me before, but for some reason this was the one that sent her off the fucking edge. I really don't get it, I think somebody may have insulted her in the past or something? I have never seen somebody react so badly to anything. I just said I'd like a bit more and her to not just kind of expect me to lead and do everything and she burst into tears, insulted me and left and wanted to break up despite being otherwise, quite frankly, a little obsessive about me.

Maybe I did raise it the wrong way, but I was factual, didn't blame her, didn't embarrass her (or not intentionally) and just said how I felt and communicated what I would like.

I agree, at the beginning she once said 'blowjobs are degrading' which pricked my ears up but has had no problem sucking me off in the earlier days and very seldom recently. She also sometimes asks me how hard or soft she should hold my cock whilst tugging it. She treats it like a radioactive rod that might become active at any moment. It seems weird to me in her late 20s she is asking and isn't sure, maybe it's inexperience?

I'm genuinely baffled. I feel like maybe she's just very fit, so she's never been denied or told she's not very good because people are just happy to be with her.
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>> No. 30858 Anonymous
18th June 2021
Friday 11:19 am
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Well, I'm still with her. Things are marginally better than they were back when I felt exactly as you described in the OP, but make no mistake, it's still a far cry from the kind of sex life I've had in the past. It's a compromise though- I was at least able to talk to her and make her understand a bit more that it's not so much about whether she's "good" in bed or not, we all have our off days after all and I won't pretend I'm some stallion who can go for three hours. It's more just the sense that she's at least making an effort goes an extremely long way. It feels a bit less one sided now, which makes it at least tolerable for me.

In our case it was very clearly a lack of confidence on her part, which I can't really hold against her, but the issue was that she was essentially just avoiding it rather than working with me to help overcome it, and it was very frustrating. It's kind of an old dog new tricks thing though, she will likely always be a bit more reserved than I want her to be, and part of the problem is probably just that I have been spoiled in the past by having a few very adventurous open minded partners who were always incredibly enthusiastic, and understood instinctively how to make it a mutually enjoyable and self-esteem boosting experience. My feeling is just that once people become set in their ways, as I think we all do in adulthood, it's very rare you will get a complete about face out of them.

The trouble in your case is, like someone else said, if you're not even able to talk about it without her kicking off, I don't see a way out of it. It's just kind of a dead end. If I sounded too fatalistic about it in my other post, it's because I was kind of reading into those red flag signs you mentioned. She doesn't sound like the type to be persuaded, and I would imagine her relationship with sex has probably been one-way like this for most of her life, and that's how she's happy for it to stay.

Alternatively she might be the type who really wants you to come on strong and be the dominant type. Make her do it and then call her a slut. You know the sort of thing I mean. There's a lass at work who sometimes complains her boyfriend isn't rough enough with her, and when I ask "have you told him this?" she says something to the effect of "but that's against the point". Now, I've participated in some very nasty and degrading fucking in my life, but it has always been with the up-front understanding that that's how she wants to be treated, and it's a minefield all of it's own if a lass expects you to read her mind about it. But nevertheless.
>> No. 30859 Anonymous
19th June 2021
Saturday 2:14 pm
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Thanks for your response - I don't know how you do it.

For me it feels like it's leading to genuine resentment and as soon as I've set myself up I'm out of here. I cannot fucking stand it and I can't live my life knowing that at the end I'll hate I didn't satisfy one of my most basic human desires.

If you have any advice on how to hit this place of peace please help me because she's got until next week then she's gone.

>> No. 30828 Anonymous
15th June 2021
Tuesday 10:20 pm
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Recently I found out that I have periodontitis and there's nothing I can do about it. My gums will recede, my teeth will fall out and the disease will attack the bones in my mouth so I won't be able to have implants. It can only be slowed down, not stopped or reversed.

This is my first encounter with things being properly irrevocably fucked with my body. It's horrible and I lie awake thinking about it at night. Floss lads - don't end up like me.
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>> No. 30829 Anonymous
15th June 2021
Tuesday 10:24 pm
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I genuinely quite enjoy using my water flossing thing.
>> No. 30837 Anonymous
16th June 2021
Wednesday 1:19 am
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It's no substitute for flossing. And using an interdental. And regular visits to the hygienist. You don't get enough water pressure innit.

Goddamn, I'd give every penny I have to escape this nightmare.
>> No. 30842 Anonymous
16th June 2021
Wednesday 7:34 am
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Not meaning to rub it in, but this is a stark reminder that health is really the most important thing. Appreciate the bodies you have, lads, take care of it. It's the only thing we ever truly own.

But to your situation, OP, have you considered any kind of surgery, or are you well before that stage? I'm not an expert but I understand there are some surgeries that can prevent further bone loss. It may be worth looking at private dental practices. I love the NHS, but resources are limited for NHS dentists and many options are off the table unless you're willing to pay privately.
>> No. 30857 Anonymous
16th June 2021
Wednesday 7:38 pm
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Thankfully I've caught it before it got really bad but who knows how long I have and in the meantime I'm going to have to live obsessed with my teeth. Once I cross the line it's a periodontist and the fees are nothing to sneeze at nor the thought of having my gums sliced open.

Haven't used an NHS dentist in over a decade. I've taken to assuming they don't exist and you certainly won't get an appointment this year if you do.

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