[ rss / options / help ]
post ]
[ b / iq / g / zoo ] [ e / news / lab ] [ v / nom / pol / eco / emo / 101 / shed ]
[ art / A / beat / boo / com / fat / job / lit / map / mph / poof / £$€¥ / spo / uhu / uni / x / y ] [ * | sfw | o ]
logo
problems
Subject   (new thread)
Message
File  [] []
close
whiteline
blighty.jpg
302843028430284
>> No. 30284 Anonymous
21st December 2020
Monday 9:01 am
30284 Here you go lads.


whiteline
Blog-2.jpg
302253022530225
>> No. 30225 Anonymous
8th December 2020
Tuesday 1:37 pm
30225 spacer
Girlfriend pregnant. It's what we wanted (I think?), but I'm still terrified. Please pray for me.
11 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 30244 Anonymous
13th December 2020
Sunday 2:16 pm
30244 spacer

eraserhead_2-1600x900-c-default.jpg
302443024430244
Perhaps you lads would have appreciated more detail.

>>30226

This was comforting to read, thanks. Particularly:
>Every day, it gets easier to deal with.

I was totally floored and couldn't really do much on the day she told me, but I've since become more open to this new version of life.

>>30227
>no pissing about with phones, right?

One of the true .gs nuggets of wisdom.

>>30228
Message too long. Click here to view the full text.
>> No. 30245 Anonymous
13th December 2020
Sunday 2:55 pm
30245 spacer
>>30244
>I'm graciously sidestepping all replies about bonking pregnant girls, only quietly agreeing it's a lovely upside.

Just wait until you're woken up in the middle of the night and told "I really need you to fuck me in the arse right now."
>> No. 30246 Anonymous
13th December 2020
Sunday 3:55 pm
30246 spacer
>>30244

>To shorten the story as much as possible: the missus is older than me, 36 going on 37, and for various reasons she had doubts about her ability to have kids. I have soundly proven her wrong, but it happened sooner than either of us were expecting. I would have liked more time, but there are much worse circumstances under which this could happen.

The way I've always seen it, you either want kids or you don't, full stop, and if you're the former rather than the latter it doesn't make all that much difference when. "The right time" will come round before you know it and you'd only think, "Ah, maybe in another year..." like you would kicking any other can down the road.

Personally I'm never planning on having them, but anytime in my 30s would feel like the right time to start, 40s onwards is leaving it a bit late perhaps. A couple of my mates had kids in their early 20s and it ruined one of their lives, because the mum was a psycho, whereas the other one is the picture of a happy family man now.

So the moral of the story is probably just Consider if you are truly mentally and emotionally capable of supporting a partner with their own mental health issues, and everything will work out okay, as with all else in life.
>> No. 30247 Anonymous
13th December 2020
Sunday 3:59 pm
30247 spacer
>>30246

Ah yes, I forgot about that wordfilter modlads. n1, showed the best piece of advice this board has to offer what hit it.

I naturally meant "refrain from involvement with women of dubious mental stability".
>> No. 30248 Anonymous
13th December 2020
Sunday 5:44 pm
30248 spacer
>>30244
You're welcome. Keep us posted lad, some of us have been through this process before, and it can feel lonely.

whiteline
ElmdoHhUYAEd5w0.jpg
301953019530195
>> No. 30195 Anonymous
24th November 2020
Tuesday 12:04 pm
30195 Incoherent
I can't keep a single coherent thought in my head for more than a matter of seconds unless I'm talking about it to someone, otherwise my head is just a swirling maelstrom of short-term thinking. Even when talking with people I'm not entirely sure it's that much better. Am I just thick or is there something I can do about this so it stops ruining my life? Because I'm becoming rather sick of it.
10 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 30208 Anonymous
25th November 2020
Wednesday 1:09 am
30208 spacer
My mate with ADHD says I'm the clearest cut case he's ever seen for an undiagnosed adult. We'll be talking on Discord and I'll be replying "uh huh, yip." and he'll prompt me on if I had done whatever I'd paused the game to do and I'll come out with something like "Sorry, I was watching a documentary on Ant colonies on YT, give me a second"

He says he knows when I've "slipped away" by the tone of my replies. He takes ritalin and he does forget to eat quite a lot.
>> No. 30209 Anonymous
25th November 2020
Wednesday 1:27 am
30209 spacer
OP here, I'll ring the GP tomorrow. I don't think I'll go all in on attempting to blag a diagnosis for ADHD, even though the idea of forgetting to eat does sound quite nice.

Again, I could just be thick, but day in, day out I have all these thoughts shooting around inside my head and I just end up distracted. Whether I distract myself purposefully or I just end up slip-sliding from one idea to another it's all the same outcome. I've tried "unplugging" before and it doesn't really help. I can quite readily lie in bed looking out of the window with just my own brain for company and only get up when the shame of it becomes too much or a parcel needs signing for. I hope none of this sounds like I'm trying to paint myself as some kind of frustrated genius, because many of these thoughts are "what basic admin needs doing?" and "what should I have for lunch?". I just want to get up in the morning and do what I need to do.
>> No. 30210 Anonymous
25th November 2020
Wednesday 1:39 am
30210 spacer
>>30209
>I don't think I'll go all in on attempting to blag a diagnosis for ADHD
> I have all these thoughts shooting around inside my head and I just end up distracted. Whether I distract myself purposefully or I just end up slip-sliding from one idea to another it's all the same outcome.
It's not blagging if you have the condition m8
>> No. 30211 Anonymous
25th November 2020
Wednesday 5:46 am
30211 spacer
>>30206

In my experience that applies to Concerta, but not Xenidate. There's no "high" with the latter, and never any feeling to up the dose with either during 8 years of use.
>> No. 30212 Anonymous
25th November 2020
Wednesday 10:14 am
30212 spacer
I have a diagnosis of ADHD - "swirling malestrom" sounds very familiar. I'm not sure why your GP would be eager to steer you down a depression treatment pathway. My GP gave me a 60-second questionnaire to fill out, I handed it back, he said "well you dont have depression" and that was that.

The prescribed medication doesn't work for me - I tried Concerta, Ritalin, and Strattera, but for some reason the only noticeable effect was killing my erections.

whiteline
mother-in-law[1].jpg
301413014130141
>> No. 30141 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 12:59 pm
30141 spacer
Lads I need a bit of help with a slight domestic.

My partner's family is very, very close. There's only 4 and a dog, and they're the type of family who call each other multiple times a day. My family is not, we're happy with contact every so often, but it's still a loving situation. For context we're a youngish couple.

The problem is we've moved to London. We're in a 4 x 5 meter room with a single bathroom, and they've come to visit. Firstly it was just the mother, who is sleeping on an airbed in the room. I knew I'd have a problem with privacy so I agreed with my partner that she could stay for three days, before getting a hotel room, and then when the Brother comes down he can stay over the one night he's here and then we're golden.

On the third day, I ask my partner about what was happening, as I had got the impression from the Mother that she was staying for the full stay, and my partner replies that she hadn't said anything to her; and that it's only one more night. I also find out the brother is staying for 3 nights. I ask her, paraphrasing, what the fuck- as we'd agreed 3 nights because I wasn't comfortable sharing a room for that long. However, as the room is small, her mother overhears (or possibly listened in, as has happened before), and thinks I'm kicking her out. After a long conversation with my partner about how she was going to ask me for the extra night, I explain to the mother about space, how I'm still getting used to how close their family are, and that she should stay the extra night and then let the brother take her space. I fell on my sword to avoid the awkwardness.

Each member of that family (barring my partner thank god) snore. So loudly, I ended up measuring it: 75 fucking decibels. In a 4 x 5 meter room. I haven't been able to get to sleep until about 3 am about 4 nights now, which is a huge problem as I'm at work for 8am. This morning, I woke up late as I was kept up till 4 am. I see the entire family is in the room, cleaning, putting away clothes, and I freak out. I feel like shit, couldn't really walk straight, and honestly just begin to cry. I keep away from the family, but there's no space to just cry. I end up sitting on the toilet for about 15 minutes.

This issue has become much larger than the actual space, and it's become a family thing; she sees it as me trying to disallow her family from visiting. She says I've made it awkward after talking to her Mother, and that my face this morning made it awkward. Of course they're allowed to visit. I just need some space. For me, it's become an issue because we compromised over something that made me feel uncomfortable, and she ignored it, and didn't consider my feelings. For me, it's natural that anyone who would visit us would have the instinct to stay in a hotel room after a couple of days, for her it's natural that the family would be as close as possible. She and the Brother are staying in a hotel tonight, leaving me alone in the flat. We've never fought in the entire time we've been together, so this is new territory.

Lads what's a way out of this?
8 posts and 1 image omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 30150 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 7:32 pm
30150 spacer
That's pretty mad to just sleep at the foot of your adult child's bed, that they're sharing with their partner, and then invite your other adult child to do the same thing. I'm clearly maladjusted because my parents are weirdos who hate everyone and try as I might some of that has rubbed off on me, but this seems like an immense intrusion. It's not like you called her mum a "prick" for trying some of your order from the takeaway or punched her brother for not taking his shoes off in the flat.

I really don't have any advice other than to say it's their behavior that's unusual and that I don't think you've acted untoward, especially not after your partner told you her family would be moving onto a hotel. I think that's the crux of the issue. If it's a money issue, IE, a hotel is too pricy, then I've got plenty of sympathy for that, but if that information hasn't been shared with you it's hardly your fault for not considering it.
>> No. 30151 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 7:36 pm
30151 spacer
>>30150
I totally agree it is their behaviours thats unusual - also, if it is a money issue, you don't travel - I mean 3 strangers in the same room as you is just weird, however they have lived their life before.

I would tolerate it for one night in an emergency but I think you're beating yourself up too much >>30148 lad.
>> No. 30152 Anonymous
25th October 2020
Sunday 8:33 pm
30152 spacer
>>30145
>The old fashioned Manly Thing To Do would have been to book yourself a hotel.

Fuck that. Every man's home is his castle.

>>30145
>Is that just me?

No, it really is true what they say that if you want to be someone's lover you've got to "get with" their friends.

And then they have the audacity to view us with suspicion like we're lying about not doing it because we're wrong'uns. I've taken in turn to lying about it and saying that I use a lesbian friend for advice on women because it sounds plausible in a mildly bigoted sort of way.

The reality is we gossip about women on anonymous imageboards and if they ever discovered this secret our lives would become hell because all posts would be attributed to us.
>> No. 30154 Anonymous
9th November 2020
Monday 1:47 am
30154 spacer
Mate a family sticking around that much is weird as hell, don't pretend it's not.
>> No. 30155 Anonymous
9th November 2020
Monday 10:55 am
30155 spacer
That's pretty nuts. Are they paying rent?

whiteline
unnamed.jpg
301193011930119
>> No. 30119 Anonymous
16th October 2020
Friday 4:14 pm
30119 How Do I Fix My Life?
Right, long post incoming.

Woke up anxious as fuck and very teary this morning and I think I've been kicking inaction down the road for too long.

I'm 29, turning 30 in January and life isn't quite how I anticipated it would be. It's not all bad and I'm sure no ones life is how they really wanted it to be, but the last few years and the last year in particular I feel I have really gone off the rails and fallen behind. I'm unmotivated, indecisive and I think I'm depressed.

I met with a friend I hadn't seen in months last night for a few drinks and a catch up. He's doing well, he's now been married a year, they've had an offer accepted for a house and will be moving in a few weeks and because of COVID he now works from home permanently and has had a £5,000 pay rise due to them getting rid of the offices. I am of course happy for them and I hate the envy that I feel.

As for me, I'm in a job that I do really enjoy and it is very varied, but because of the sector I'm on £18,200 and I have had none of the pay rises that I was promised, even if I work more hours and have to travel for work more than any of my friends.

A lot of these sounds petty and I know everything isn't about money but it is disheartening, especially when at the beginning of my 20s I was speaking at conferences abroad and involved in loads of interesting project work. I have stagnated. Obviously this is my fault, but I seem to have a severe lack of motivation, drive and focus. I want it back.

I'm also in a relationship with someone who I have been with for nearly 6 years. They want to get married, will probably leave soon if I don't propose and I don't know what to do. I feel too old to start over but don't know if I should actually do it either. They're older than me, still studying and working part time so essentially there isn't really a second income.

Only two of my friends still speak to me and my friend's wife no longer does due to a bust up her and my partner had before her wedding.
Message too long. Click here to view the full text.
Expand all images.
>> No. 30120 Anonymous
16th October 2020
Friday 4:31 pm
30120 spacer
Well, what do you actually want?
>> No. 30121 Anonymous
16th October 2020
Friday 4:52 pm
30121 spacer
You're depressed. It sounds like a mix of a quarter-life crisis and general 2020 malaise. See your GP and ask them about treatment options. The availability of talk therapy is even more patchy than usual, but I'd recommend giving antidepressant medication a try for a couple of months - it might do nothing for you, but it might be the boost you need to get yourself sorted.

Starting an exercise regime is probably a good idea for your physical and mental health; exercise is a natural anti-depressant and getting fitter will give you a sense of control and remind your subconscious mind that there are things you can do to improve your life.

More broadly, your post suggests that you're overly worried about the expectations of other people and don't really have an internal sense of your own worth. I'd suggest having a think about what you'd like to do purely for yourself, just for the fun of it. Maybe you'd like to take up a new hobby or learn a new skill, maybe you'd like to retrain and try a different career, it doesn't really matter - it's about what you want to do with your time. If you have a think about what you'd like to do and just see a big wall of fuck-all, then I'd refer you back to the first paragraph.
>> No. 30123 Anonymous
16th October 2020
Friday 5:30 pm
30123 spacer
>>30120

I just want some direction and to feel happy again. I want the old me back. Not to feel I've wasted the last five years.

>>30121

I am very wary of anti-depressents, I have seen people become very different after starting them.

It might sound silly, but how do you gain a sense of your own worth?

I know that I shouldn't worry too much about others expectations but it's hard not to feel like a burden and a complete dissapointment sometimes. I want what other people have sometimes.
>> No. 30126 Anonymous
17th October 2020
Saturday 12:30 am
30126 spacer
The first thing you need to do is stop comparing yourself to other people, that's a dead end. Compare yourself to how you were a year ago. Don't like the comparison? Then you know you need to change. Like the other lad said, exercise works wonder for your mental health.

Secondly, learn to be grateful for your position. I know this is your standard "be grateful for what you have" shite you see plastered all over single Mum Facebook, but it really is the truth. Take stock of the things you actually have in life and be grateful for them. For one, you have a partner who loves you enough to want to get married to you. There's lads on this board, me included, who would give a kidney to experience this. I'm aware of how dull, boring and depressing partners can be at times, when you just want to sink a bottle of whiskey and go off the deep end but writing off 6 years for a night's worth of debauchery really isn't worth it mate. If you really want to jump off the deep end, you can do, just don't expect others to follow you, they know what's at the bottom.

whiteline
images.jpg
300913009130091
>> No. 30091 Anonymous
14th October 2020
Wednesday 4:16 pm
30091 spacer
How do you know if you should get married?

By asking and being unsure would normally be a red flag to me that I don't want to, but I do have a tendency to delay and overanalyse things.
17 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 30111 Anonymous
15th October 2020
Thursday 6:12 pm
30111 spacer

optimalstopping.png
301113011130111
>>30106
It's called the Optimal Stopping algorithm. It's been applied to looking for a partner, when to sell your house, but clasically is described around hiring someone, the traditional example is of hiring a secretary. It's about knowing "when to stop looking" (or waiting), depending on how much information you have.

It is described in detail in a number of books, but my favourite is Algorithms to Live By, by Brian Christian and Tom Griffiths.
>> No. 30112 Anonymous
15th October 2020
Thursday 7:35 pm
30112 spacer
>>30107
I'm the product of donor sperm, and have 15 half-siblings out there somewhere, all of whom are a similar age to me.

It is a bit strange to think that I may end up meeting and being attracted to my half-sister, but then I remember I'm a raging turbovirgin and that's never going to be an issue.
>> No. 30113 Anonymous
15th October 2020
Thursday 9:59 pm
30113 spacer

your dating hopes.png
301133011330113
>>30111
>> No. 30114 Anonymous
15th October 2020
Thursday 11:07 pm
30114 spacer
>>30113

How dare you, I've got a range rover.
>> No. 30115 Anonymous
16th October 2020
Friday 11:49 am
30115 spacer
>>30111>>30113

OP here, this kind of confirms my fears. If we break up, realistcally, I won't find anyone else. All of my friends moved away and I don't live near family so I won't even had anyone to talk to. Wish I chose wisely 5 years ago instead of just getting comfortable.

whiteline
artworks-000230163085-9t2z20-t500x500.jpg
270472704727047
>> No. 27047 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 2:03 pm
27047 Where to meet birds
So, I've decided to try and not be that guy, a relationship-less virgin, into my mid-20s, which doesn't leave me with very long. I'm home from uni for the summer and have decided it's time to sort my act out.

The only problem - where to meet women?

I've completed tinder in a 15 mile radius, likewise for Bumble - zero (0) matches. I've messaged pretty much every girl on OKCupid with a match >75%; not one has replied.

What can I do now? The few local schoolfriends I am still in contact with are all male, everyone at my job is male, and all the women I talk to (from uni) are either in a relationship or otherwise not an option.

Going out to clubs doesn't work because a) I don't have anyone to go with, and b) when I try and do anything but stand at the bar drinking in a club (ie dance) I look like a tortoise trying to pilot a motorcycle.

Any ideas?
281 posts and 29 images omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 30089 Anonymous
14th October 2020
Wednesday 1:07 am
30089 spacer
>>30087

You're absolutely right, but more than that, I think it's the ability to enjoy a good shagging. Throughout my life I've had one or two lasses with wierd sexual hang-up that really made sex quite tedious, and I think it really coincided with the more melancholy or bitter aspects of their personality. Same probably goes for men of course.

It's not just getting laid. It's knowing that everyone else gets a feeling of wellbeing from a decent shag, that they're just too shy, or self conscious, or narcissistic or whatever to get it too.
>> No. 30090 Anonymous
14th October 2020
Wednesday 1:31 am
30090 spacer
>>30089

On the other hand, mental birds are the best in bed. We all know that you should Consider if you are truly mentally and emotionally capable of supporting a partner with their own mental health issues, but it's sorely tempting.
>> No. 30093 Anonymous
14th October 2020
Wednesday 4:51 pm
30093 spacer
This thread has convinced me to just stick with my current relationship even if it is questionable. Dating sounds awful, especially nowadays. I honestly think I'd just be alone at this point if I was single again.
>> No. 30097 Anonymous
14th October 2020
Wednesday 7:04 pm
30097 spacer
>>30087
>>30088
>>30089


>> No. 30224 Anonymous
8th December 2020
Tuesday 12:31 am
30224 spacer
>>29062

Well, this post aged really fucking badly.

2019 might have been a really terrible year in terms of Horrible Shit Happening this year has actually been worse in terms of being stuck in a rut and not really moving anything forward at all.

Beyond getting fat because all the sports I enjoy being banned for most of the year and generally drinking too much it's also been a shitter of a year for dating. There I was at the beginning of the year thinking "once we get this under control there'll be shagging in the streets all summer" and what I actually got was a few obviously utterly oblivious bints asking me out to completely non covid appropriate places on tinder; I mean I like me a mental slag as much as the next bloke but someone who wants to go to a (most likely illegal) crowded club night rather than grabbing a drink somewhere sensibly open, ventilated, and not rammed to the gills with strangers is probably outside of my own personal mental-ness limits.

Anyway, apologies for the long, rambling, run-on sentencing, mess of a necro-post but I was scrolling back through this thread, saw this post I made just over a year ago and had a really bitter gut laugh about the foolishness and folly of having optimism over anything ever.

Sage very firmly ticked.

whiteline
flonders.png
300433004330043
>> No. 30043 Anonymous
5th October 2020
Monday 11:42 pm
30043 Stolen Phone
Aight lads, my phone just got stolen in East London. I've disabled the sim, sent a notification to Find My Device on google and remotely logged out of Google Facebook and Whatsapp. Is there anything else I should do (apart from go back to primary school to learn about interaction with strangers)? I don't really use apps for really sensitive things, and I have a pattern login, but I'm still a bit on edge.
3 posts omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 30047 Anonymous
6th October 2020
Tuesday 12:42 am
30047 spacer
>>30046
Oh. Pick pocketing? Less violent than I thought. Anyway, police won't do anything. They are cunts. I got robbed when I was 15, and they basically asked me if I were lying. Why would I lie? I am still confused by that question 15 years later.

It is still good to have a paper trail of the robbery. Also, you could go all "Taken" on them, and track them. Maybe rob them back at 5am with a couple of mates with knives and bats? I don't want to incriminate myself... but 5 grand is a lot of money to stumble upon.
>> No. 30048 Anonymous
6th October 2020
Tuesday 12:46 am
30048 spacer
>>30044
Won't be able to access my IMEI number til I can use my landline tomorrow, I'm assuming since I disabled the SIM there's nothing they can do even if they have the IMEI?
>>30047
Yeah, very amicable pickpocketing, I assume I look like a proper chump when I walk down the street so no threat of violence is needed against me. In real life I think the worst thing that can happen is that they rob or blackmail the £50 I own from me, but I'm also worried they'll hack onto my fb page I haven't used in 5 years and post "im gay".
>> No. 30049 Anonymous
6th October 2020
Tuesday 1:18 am
30049 spacer
>>30048
Might as well write it off. I think you should still report it to the police.

From my understanding, they will probably reset everything and resell it. I don't think they want to personally snoop through your stuff, since it would take a bit of work to log into your accounts, and get all your data. I hope you backed up your data.

Live and learn. People are cunts.
>> No. 30050 Anonymous
6th October 2020
Tuesday 7:20 am
30050 spacer
>>30043
>I'm still a bit on edge.

I think it's a sad fact of life that if you live in London, you're going to get robbed from time to time. It is unsettling, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Console yourself with the fact that these people were obviously in a desperate situation to be doing this, and they didn't harm you.

Write it off, and move on. It's just a device, no matter how jarring the whole process is. You will learn from this about how you interact with others in the street, and you will learn to not make eye contact or be as "helpful" to most strangers, no matter how upsetting those concepts are. For kind, open people, these are difficult lessons to learn, but you will.
>> No. 30051 Anonymous
6th October 2020
Tuesday 12:19 pm
30051 spacer
>>30050
Thanks dude, I will try to remember all that next time I'm walking home pissed at 11PM on a Monday.

whiteline
trap fags4.png
300113001130011
>> No. 30011 Anonymous
20th September 2020
Sunday 10:32 pm
30011 spacer
Should I start weaning myself off tranny porn? I know that on a scientific level the combination of a penis + tits and a vaguely feminine figure can really get the old neurons a firin', but hot traps don't really exist in real life unless you have £150-£200 to spend on escorts.

I think this is a question that can be extended to anyone who wanks to non-vanilla stuff. In a world full of horses, ponies, and donkeys, is it wise to train yourself to get off to unicorns?
8 posts and 1 image omitted. Expand all images.
>> No. 30020 Anonymous
21st September 2020
Monday 8:13 am
30020 spacer
>>30017
>Don't listen to that nofap bullshit - porn does no harm.

Porn can very much do harm, as can almost anything. Pointing out porn has been a detriment for one person doesn't mean it's inherently shameful or evil.

Personally, I also believe I'd have been far better off if I'd not watched porn, or reduced my viewing. It wasn't even so much about developing unrealistic expectations (in fact, the sheer variety and availability of porn probably increased the scope of my sexual attractions, and made it easier to see that side of people in real life), but I've also developed some really unhealthy associations between sex and certain emotional states.

Ultimately, porn is a pretty isolated and passive form of consumption. It can be distracting, expensive (in terms of time and/or money), and can really cause certain wires to be crossed psychologically.

There are better ways of dealing with stress or sexual needs, but I guess it all depends how you use these things.
>> No. 30021 Anonymous
21st September 2020
Monday 8:37 am
30021 spacer
>>30020
Porn tends to normalise things that aren't generally part of a healthy sexual relationship. Studies have found that a lot of teenage girls have felt pressured into performing sex acts they're not comfortable with because teenage boys are growing up thinking things like aggressive throat fucking are the norm.
>> No. 30022 Anonymous
21st September 2020
Monday 12:43 pm
30022 spacer
>>30021

Yes, there's things I saw as a teenager that, although I was too overconfident to admit it then, really upset me.
>> No. 30023 Anonymous
21st September 2020
Monday 5:57 pm
30023 spacer
If it's not a MILF or a femboy I'm not interested.
>> No. 30024 Anonymous
22nd September 2020
Tuesday 4:49 am
30024 spacer
>>30017
I'm not down with the religiosity of nofap but after trying "noporn", I do recognise the benefits of qutting porn and wanking using solely one's imagination. I heard a quote once which went something like "pornography takes you further than you want to go, it costs you more than you're willing to pay, and it'll keep you longer than you want to stay". In my experience that couldn't be more accurate.

I have actually been to tranny clubs a couple of times. All the fit gender benders I encountered were prostitutes. Sex is an ephemeral thing and ultimately the goal for most people is a tangible, intimate connection, and this is something that is far more achievable when you have a pool of 50% of the population that is comprised of women rather than the 1% that is comprised of gender benders.

whiteline
2neebf.jpg
299852998529985
>> No. 29985 Anonymous
6th September 2020
Sunday 11:50 am
29985 spacer
I’ve been in the habit of checking out of my own life and going along with whatever is happening. I have been turning the tide on that so I’m now in good shape, with good hobbies, and have a decent job that I enjoy. However that’s got me to the point where I now have to confront my relationships, which are pretty bad because I’ve been disingenuous for a long time.

As a result, I am lonely and don’t make much effort with the friends I have or people I know. Over the years I’ve been in the habit of not standing up for myself, of being quiet, and of not expressing how I actually feel. Instead I’ve had an overly agreeable personality and swept any issues under the rug.

This means that my friendships are weird and in order to keep pretending, I end up flaky and unreliable. It’s gotten worse over the years to now where I don’t call or text people and seldom see anyone but my family. Rather than just say what’s wrong, I’ve been an arse and avoided these people or the problem. Maybe it'd magically go away? To acquaintances I likely seem aloof or reserved, which also hinders my chances of being reasonably social. This plays out in my mind a lot, and I end up sad and not doing anything on the internet. I'm currently being asked 'what I did this summer' which you can imagine is thrilling.

Turning it around feels doable, but I am finding it hard just accepting the utter mess that I have made of my social life. I’m curious if you have had experiences like this and how you’ve managed it, or whether there’s something interesting to read on the topic. I had a rough childhood which is the cause for a lot of this. Most of my life has been about survival, so the ideas like 'being honest' and 'if you don't like someone, don't be friends with them' all seem very new.

tl;dr - have you had to grow a pair? What's it like? Is there a book on it?
Expand all images.
>> No. 29986 Anonymous
6th September 2020
Sunday 2:38 pm
29986 spacer
What is it exactly you want from these relationships? Because it sounds like you don't care really about these people you just feel like you are supposed to.
>> No. 29987 Anonymous
6th September 2020
Sunday 7:06 pm
29987 spacer
Honestly my best mate nowadays is my girlfriend, which sounds a bit sad, but out of any of my friends she's by far the most reliable. Hasn't turned me down on a pint yet, and she always wants to come and see the same films I want to see.

I was in a similar position for a while I suppose, and it caused me a similar level of distress. The hardest thing was figuring out if it's me who isn't putting in enough effort, or if it's them who are constantly just flaking on me and letting me down. I came to the conclusion that it doesn't effectively matter- Either way you're clearly just not as arsed hanging out with each other as you used to be. What difference does it make.

One the whole covid thing is done with I'm hoping to make a bit of a "fresh start" so to speak. I've actually put a lot of things "right" with my life over the course of the crisis, weirdly enough, and it has lifted a lot of the anxieties from my shoulders knowing that I am indeed capable of change instead of just wallowing in a rut. Making some new friends is probably the only thing I'm missing now. A clean slate with no past baggage and such would only be a good thing I think.

In general I don't think it's worth stressing about trying to rekindle friendships that have grown distant. It might be sad to grow apart from someone you considered yourself close to, but you don't have to burn the bridge entirely. At best, it's just kind of forcing things, and it leaves you feeling twice as bitter if things end up stagnating again.
>> No. 29988 Anonymous
6th September 2020
Sunday 7:30 pm
29988 spacer
>>29987

>Honestly my best mate nowadays is my girlfriend, which sounds a bit sad, but out of any of my friends she's by far the most reliable. Hasn't turned me down on a pint yet, and she always wants to come and see the same films I want to see.


This sounds like a great and healthy situation, it honestly sounds sadder that you think this is a problem somehow.
>> No. 29989 Anonymous
6th September 2020
Sunday 8:16 pm
29989 spacer
>>29988

I don't think it's a problem, just that it's generally seen as healthier to have a good mix of social acquaintances as well as a romantic partner. Not putting all your eggs in one basket, sort of thing. If I didn't have any other mates and we broke up (not that I foresee that happening), it'd be devastating.

whiteline
img_1021.jpg
299742997429974
>> No. 29974 Anonymous
25th August 2020
Tuesday 11:17 pm
29974 spacer
tl;dr got attached to an internet person I'd never met know consciously knowing it was a ridiculous thing to do and now she's off on a date and I'm having a crisis I knew would happen.

Been chatting with this young American bird on the internet, we talk a lot on the phone, shared pictures, I knew it was just a bit of fun for her but I got attached because I've been completely friendless and lived alone for five years and have never really had any interest from any women, internet ones or otherwise, today she has a date in real life and I wished her well and all that but internally I am screaming, I knew full well I shouldn't let this happen but given the context I also knew it was inevitable that I would let myself get attached to some stupid idea out of desperation and now I can't handle it.

Fucks sake lads.
Expand all images.
>> No. 29975 Anonymous
25th August 2020
Tuesday 11:29 pm
29975 spacer
>>29974
>consciously knowing it was a ridiculous thing to do

It is difficult to give advice, without sounding callous or harsh to you - and I certainly don't mean it to come across that way, but it probably will.

You both sought and got comfort from a situation that was never, or hardly ever going to resolve in a positive way. She is sharing the fact she "has a date" with you, for a reason - it's the long distance equivalent of a breakup. You were both doing it for "a bit of fun" and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

You're obviously capable of forming relationships, friendships with women - focus on that positive aspect. You've done it once, you'll do it again. With time, this pain will pass.

whiteline
>> No. 29968 Anonymous
25th August 2020
Tuesday 10:34 pm
29968 spacer
I'm having trouble at work because I can't seem to focus which leads to a backlog that only builds up making it worse. Tasks that are "do this by 2" are fine but larger projects requiring creativity have become challenging. Any tips on restoring and managing executive function?

The obvious solution is to take holiday so middle of next month I'm off for two weeks but what can I do to focus and survive until then?
Expand all images.
>> No. 29969 Anonymous
25th August 2020
Tuesday 10:42 pm
29969 spacer
It sounds like you need a bit of structure. Sit down, maybe with a colleague if needed, and get a bit of a plan in place. Doesn't have to be fancy with brilliant time estimates. Could just be some scribbles in a note book. But something to give you a rough idea of the shape of the project and what bits might depend on other bits.

In the software development world, something like Trello (free) is popular as a way of making little cards for things like this with columns to show status. (Until you decide it doesn't have enough features and you move to something else).
>> No. 29970 Anonymous
25th August 2020
Tuesday 10:43 pm
29970 spacer
>>29968
May I ask, without too many specifics, what kind of work do you do?

I have felt the same this year, as have many others I know. Definitely recommend taking a break - I am in the middle of my first two week holiday this year (!) and already feel about a hundred times better. I think a lot of people who have been working from home the past five months have also been putting the hours in and going very hard, and burnout is a real issue, as is general mental health on not seeing people in person. It is very difficult to be creative when you're in this space.

Talk to the people around you, particularly if you're under pressure - many of us are in the same boat.
>> No. 29972 Anonymous
25th August 2020
Tuesday 11:02 pm
29972 spacer
>>29969
You're right, there's definitely an improvement if I can sit down and go through exactly what I need to do.

We have a similar system at work for task management but I ended up resenting the idea that others can see what I'm doing. It feels quite unnatural for me where usually I like jumping through tasks as and when.

>>29970
Creative stuff where I'm part translating reams of information into packages. Yeah, I was thinking back when I was writing OP that I really haven't taken any time off since Christmas because options are quite limited at the moment besides doing nothing.

There was and idea to use the bank holiday to get away and see an old mate but it looks the usual engineering works is going on. Maybe I will try and relax with a new game.
>> No. 29973 Anonymous
25th August 2020
Tuesday 11:04 pm
29973 spacer
>>29971
>besides doing nothing

But that's the important part - I have spent the past week dodging the rain and doing DIY around the house, reading, and mostly only using this computer and not the one that is about 1 metre to the left and hooked up to the work VPN - doing nothing is good. Games are good. Don't feel guilty about doing nothing, that is the literal definition of taking a break.

On the work and prioritisation stuff, I recommend a system called Getting Things Done - I don't use it all the time like a madman, but I do fall back on it when I get stressed or task-overloaded as you have described; there are other systems, but that one works for me - it's a book by David Allen and is used/taught by a lot of companies. It begins with a great big braindump, and I find that part very soothing when it all gets too much.

whiteline
unnamed.jpg
299632996329963
>> No. 29963 Anonymous
25th August 2020
Tuesday 9:48 am
29963 spacer
How do you cope with disappointment?
Expand all images.
>> No. 29965 Anonymous
25th August 2020
Tuesday 11:09 am
29965 spacer
Strike a balance between being not getting your hopes up but not being too pessimistic.
>> No. 29966 Anonymous
25th August 2020
Tuesday 11:12 am
29966 spacer
I try to be rational about it, note the ways that this thing did not live up to expectations, and think about whether this is just a fact of life, or if there's some other thing that might reach my expectations.

Maybe I'm wrong in my judgements, and accepting more of the former. Our resident Buddhists and nihilists will no doubt jump out of the woodwork to tell me that searching for more is wrong and will keep me forever unhappy, but that hasn't been my experience so far in life.
>> No. 29967 Anonymous
25th August 2020
Tuesday 7:35 pm
29967 spacer
Prevention is cheaper than the cure, which is what the first reply here points out. I think it's the philosopher Seneca who best outlined how anger, disappointment and regret all stem from the same misalignment of expectation, and reality. The old truism of expecting the worst at all times is really quite hard to argue with, without resorting to sheer sentimentality.

The important question if you are already experiencing disappointment, however, is if you have you learned from it. Were your expectations realistic? If so, what went wrong? Can you apply that lesson next time, or is it out of your hands?

>>29966

It's not that searching for something to make you happy will never be fruitful, it's more that when you have found something to make you happy, the tendency is to simply want more. It's perfectly possible to find happiness, it's just never enough, hence paradoxically "unhappy" in the sense that you always have some new idea of happiness to chase that you don't currently posess.

I think wrapping your head around that is a very useful exercise in mindfulness, not in the wishy washy "well there's no point trying to achieve anything" sense, but in helping you to really view what you do have and what you could have a bit more objectively. I'm a hedonist, I don't resist nor see any inherent virtue in resisting the instinctive drive to seek pleasure. But I know when I'm going to make myself miserable by lusting after something that I'll never realistically have.

whiteline
towelhead.png
299312993129931
>> No. 29931 Anonymous
10th August 2020
Monday 2:25 am
29931 spacer
What is the proper social protocol for starting up platonic acquaintanceships with people you meet on a night out? Somehow I often end up exchanging numbers with temporary drinking buddies when I go out drinking alone but it has never lead anywhere. Is it even supposed to lead somewhere or is it just a thing drunks do and forget about in the cold light of day?

Am I supposed to invite these people somewhere or is that a bit gay? If some one-night drinking buddy invited me to go somewhere I would immediately assume that they had intentions of the shirt lifting kind, but I have self-diagnosed myself with both autism and sex appeal so I have no idea how a regular person would process this sort of stuff.
Expand all images.
>> No. 29932 Anonymous
10th August 2020
Monday 7:08 am
29932 spacer
Most straightforward protocol I can think of is sending a text like, "hey mate it's x from y, will you be at y again on Friday? I'll be there with z give me a message if you want to join".

Don't worry about coming across as a shirt-lifter, you can always clarify later. The less date-like you can make it the better.

Ideally during one of your pissups you strike on a mutual hobby and can meet in a different context, with a similarly casual invitation.
>> No. 29933 Anonymous
10th August 2020
Monday 10:07 am
29933 spacer
I've always just deleted their numbers after a while.
>> No. 29934 Anonymous
10th August 2020
Monday 11:03 am
29934 spacer
How do you meet people when you go out alone?
>> No. 29935 Anonymous
10th August 2020
Monday 12:08 pm
29935 spacer

>> No. 29936 Anonymous
10th August 2020
Monday 9:30 pm
29936 spacer
>>29932
Thanks.

>>29934
Usually I ask people for a light or sit at the bar and things somehow snowball from there.

>>29935
Audible mirth. Hits very close to home.

whiteline
Delete Post []
Password  
[0] [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8]