|>>|| No. 26474
I'm sorry I found this thread so late. This is the first time I've returned to this place in several years. I can't remember the last time I made a post here.
It sounds like I'm a little older than you but not by much. I went through the exact same thing, it was probably one of the wierdest and hardest times of my life and now I'm in a much better place from it. Your post really resonates with me so I wanted to post some stuff that helped me in the hope it will help you too.
Firstly though, please listen to everybody else, whatever it is, it's not worth ending it for. There's always something to go on for, even if you can't see it right now. Please please don't hurt yourself and get help if needed be it from Samaritans or a medical professional.
Like you I finished uni, spent some time searching for jobs, then got one doing the first thing I got offered vaguely graduate like.
It felt like hell. You're there, suddenly the promise of a world of opportunity and the vague notion you can do almost anything in university comes crashing down and you realise that this really is life, you go to a shit job you're not overly passionate about just to pay bills to rent and that's it. It really fucking threw me. I always looked forward to that first adult pay packet, when I got it I didn't even want to spend it, I just sort of sat there thinking 'this is what it's all about? This? For the rest of my working days?' By the way, I was kind of like you, I had to go balls deep into my overdraft just to afford the car insurance and get the suits I needed.
Anyway pass a little while later the job lets me go out of the blue, even though I'd been smashing my targets and finally getting it. I'm unemployed and I can't get another one for anything. My girlfriend then decides that she is going to leave me and there I am, sat in my room alone slowly circling my overdraft again.
It was truly shit, i literally couldn't see the point of anything. Then I got another job, I was jsut driving, sitting in traffic, pinging off emails and coming home. It was awful. Like you, my mates all gravitated towards the great graduate abyss that is London (it's actually an amazing place, but not that amazing that every single fucking graduate opportunity worth something has to be there).
Anyway, it was a pretty lonely time, I was getting shit pay, didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and kind of like you I was in a 'fuck it, what's the worst that can happen.' I somehow managed to get on a grad scheme thinking I'd had my break, and then, lo and behold, they sent me to a concrete shithole where I had to move in with a stranger. I'm not even that mad about the work.
Right now I actually am waiting to go on holiday with some mates, go fly on a different holiday to see another mate and have a romantic interest come out of the blue from literally nowhere, just because I made myself seem interesting and chatted and was social. I'm far from where I want to be, but looking back, I'm in such a better place. Again, I've lots that I'm unhappy with, but at least now I can see there's a possibility of things getting better.
Here's what helped me and keeps me sane - Have something that isn't work to aim towards. It sounds silly and simple in retrospect, but actually somehow starting and doing these things seemed huge. They get easier the more you try, too.
- I started the gym, wasn't even into that stuff and thought it definitely wasn't for me, just going and improving yourself is really rewarding and helps you focus.It doesn't matter how bad your day has been, how lonely you feel, you just gotta lift those weights that treat you the same regardless of how you're feeling and you've made yourself better. Congrats, you're now more attractive than you were just by doing that. And yes, people really can tell if you work out regularly.
-Run! It takes some shorts and some running shoes and that's it. The first 5 or so times will be unpleasant, even if you continue, it is still kind of unpleasant, but eventually when you finish you actually start to feel great. Download Strava, suddenly you're trying to beat your personal best from last time. Life might be shit for you, but trying to catch your breath after a good run sure gives you that escape.
-Say yes to every single thing and be the person initiating. I've been to countless work socials I was too tired to, but it helps. It makes you more interesting and actually you soon realise you can sit at home any other day, even if the company at the pub isn't that great. Anybody asks how you are (even family, their social interaction still counts), say yes and you would liek to catch up. I've messaged old mates, new mates, everybody I spoke to, not many stick, but eventually you soon find people might want to meet you for a pint, then another, then actually sort out something else. If your mates are in London say you were thinking of popping down if they fancied a pint and just say you wanted to catch up.
-Get a long term goal. I've been thinking about moving to Australia for a while, the whole wanderlust instagram quasi-dreaming bullshit everybody has. I might never do it, but everyday I look a little more into it and see if I can make it concrete. If I can't, I look at what I do to help. Even if it's just reading a quick blog. Sometimes the dream of running on the beach instead of around my local park is the difference between doing something and doing nothing.
-Savings. Get some savings. It's not easy I know, you'll probably find that when you're in a hole everything seems pointless. You'll also probably find that if you start hitting the gym and eating just a little better, you'll fancy shit food less, which improves your mood and also saves you money. Say bye to that quid bottle of coke a day and hello to drinking water which costs pretty much nothing. More importantly, it gives you security, which helps you rest easier at night. I'd never do it, but knowing I have enough savings to up and quit my job if I hate it and go live on a beach in Thailand whilst I work my life out gives me great reassurance. If I didn't have that, I'd be worried about losing my job and back to square one. Now, worst that happens is I come home for a few months and have the money to operate. It's an underrated peace of mind. You don't have to be rich, but having that safety net is a huge advantage.
-Finally, join a social club. Every area has them, get on meetup.com, go do your local park run, ask your housemate out for a beer (He might be a cunt, he might be twice your age, but he might also be alright if you get ot know him over a pint, or maybe he's a cunt, but at least you're out of the house hating him than stuck in your room doing it. If it doesn't work, at least you tried).
I concur though lad and from speaking to people and really pressing them on it, you'll find we're far from alone. It's part of the growing up process I think and from what I hear it takes a good 5 years post uni. You're not in this job forever, your situation won't be forever, keep looking towards alternatives, keep planning your escape and things might change faster than you think. Things can fall apart quickly in life but they can also build up quickly.
Finally, I leave you with a quote, it's a bit cheesy, sure, but I think it sums up nicely what hoping things get better is about. I'm sorry if this post come off as self-congratulatory but bar the minor details, you seem like you're experiencing the exact same thing as I am/was and the above is what I wish somebody would have told me. Feel free to ignore it if so.
"Hope is not blind optimism. It's not ignoring the enormity of the task ahead or the roadblocks that stand in our path. It's not sitting on the sidelines or shirking from a fight. Hope is that thing inside us that insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, that something better awaits us if we have the courage to reach for it, and to work for it, and to fight for it."
Things will get better. Good luck.