|>>|| No. 26501
Been with a girl for the past 4 years. My first girlfriend, her first boyfriend. We were each others first. When I look in her eyes I see the most heart wrenching unfiltered love. It makes me cry.
I've cheated on her when intoxicated three times.
The first time I wrote off as a stupid mistake, it was "just a kiss", I thought, I'll learn from it. I told her and we moved on, somehow.
The second time I had sex with a fucking Chinese student at a house party.
The third was last night with some stupid fucking duck lipped airhead 6former.
She deserves better than me, but I don't want to lose her. I love her, I want to spend my life with her. Whenever I'm drunk or on something I get ridiculously heated, this sexual energy just overcomes me. I was a nerd in comp, I didn't get any female attention, post-uni I've come out of my shell, realised my strengths, grown in confidence. No doubt in part due to her. But I think it's made me search for something I missed, to try and make up for lost time. She was the first person to who I made that promise and I broke it. On my first go. I'm flawed beyond belief, an objectively 'bad' person, but does that mean I shouldn't pursue what is objectively good for me, for the sake of morality? IDK, what the fuck am I on about... I don't imagine love like that is easy to find. I almost hope it isn't. I should probably just top myself, I enjoy sleeping, it might be alright.