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>> No. 26501 Anonymous
20th April 2018
Friday 12:12 pm
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Been with a girl for the past 4 years. My first girlfriend, her first boyfriend. We were each others first. When I look in her eyes I see the most heart wrenching unfiltered love. It makes me cry.

I've cheated on her when intoxicated three times.

The first time I wrote off as a stupid mistake, it was "just a kiss", I thought, I'll learn from it. I told her and we moved on, somehow.

The second time I had sex with a fucking Chinese student at a house party.
The third was last night with some stupid fucking duck lipped airhead 6former.

She deserves better than me, but I don't want to lose her. I love her, I want to spend my life with her. Whenever I'm drunk or on something I get ridiculously heated, this sexual energy just overcomes me. I was a nerd in comp, I didn't get any female attention, post-uni I've come out of my shell, realised my strengths, grown in confidence. No doubt in part due to her. But I think it's made me search for something I missed, to try and make up for lost time. She was the first person to who I made that promise and I broke it. On my first go. I'm flawed beyond belief, an objectively 'bad' person, but does that mean I shouldn't pursue what is objectively good for me, for the sake of morality? IDK, what the fuck am I on about... I don't imagine love like that is easy to find. I almost hope it isn't. I should probably just top myself, I enjoy sleeping, it might be alright.
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>> No. 26502 Anonymous
20th April 2018
Friday 5:31 pm
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>>26501

Well, you're experiencing remorse. Plenty of people get into the habit of cheating and just continue.

The most practical advice I can think to give is to remove the trigger, which is very obviously alcohol.

About the emotional side, you know your relationship (and your girlfriend) better than any of us. If it helps in your reasoning, I'd say you're not an objectively bad person, but have made bad choices.
>> No. 26503 Anonymous
21st April 2018
Saturday 10:13 pm
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Don't do anything Rash mate, We all make mistakes.
>> No. 26511 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 1:08 am
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>>26501

Speaking of sex with Chinrse students. I gave a good seeing to a 19 year old in the Fort hostel in York. We were the only people in a 6 bed dorm and stuff happened. I'm an olderlad in my 40's and yes it was THE_DREAM and no I'm not going to mention anything further than tight slippy slidy insidy.
>> No. 26516 Anonymous
22nd April 2018
Sunday 11:10 pm
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>>26502

>The most practical advice I can think to give is to remove the trigger, which is very obviously alcohol.

That's only half the story though.

I suspect that OP subconsciously knows that his girlfriend isn't all that he wants from a partner. Maybe she isn't as exciting in bed as he would like, or their relationship is lacking in some other respect.

Alcohol is only the trigger in that it brings things to the surface which lie dormant when OP is sober. If he was truly happy with his relationship, then even the most copious amounts of alcohol would find nothing as such to trigger within him.

I've been through all of that myself. In the end, at some point, OP is going to have to ask himself some very uncomfortable questions as to what he really sees in his relationship, and if it's really going to last for the rest of his life, as he still seems to hope. It really doesn't help that she's his first ever girlfriend. That in itself can be a problem, because for one thing, he will have no way of objectively judging the quality of his relationship based on prior experiences, but also, there will always be that lingering thought in his head what it would be like to be with somebody else. And he has obviously already acted on that by having sex with other lasses behind his girlfriend's back.

I'm pessimistic about the future of OP's relationship in the long run. As I said, I went through a lot of that myself when I was that age.
>> No. 26517 Anonymous
23rd April 2018
Monday 12:26 am
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>>26516
I agree with what you're saying to a point. Maybe there is some small thing lacking, or it could just be a desire to try something new - that seems to be pretty common in a first relationship after a few years. It's really hard to give very good advice as an anonymous stranger on the internet though, beyond vague generalities and personal anecdotes.

I will speak of a couple of personal anecdotes, for what it's worth. Firstly, I know of a couple of guys in a similar position to you who were definitely punching well above their weight with their partner, but either ended it or (worse in my opinion) put in such a lack of effort and commitment that it died out slowly. From what I understand it was mostly down to a mixture of boredom, taking things for granted and some measure of arrogance on their part. It's worth talking to people that know you both (but that you trust not to stir shit, obviously) to get an outside perspective before you do anything monumentally stupid - I wouldn't mention the cheating necessarily but if you think you have feelings of boredom or uncertainty that's what friends are there to help with.

Secondly, from my perspective. I've slept with/dated what I think is a reasonable number of people for my age (low double digits), from one-night stands to reasonably proper relationships, though nothing longer than about a year. One thing I've consistently noticed is that whenever I'm in a relationship, it feels like there are loads of other women out there that want to sleep with me. And as you've found, some of them actually will! But it's a cruel irony that being in a relationship actually makes you seem much more attractive compared to all the desperately lonely single guys out there. It's something that can warp your perspective if not accounted for, and can lead otherwise happy guys to over-fetishise the "freedom"/casual sex aspect of single life (which, I hasten to add is definitely possible and for a lot of people at some stage of their life is exactly what they need - but not for everyone!)

Basically mate, the best thing you can do is talk to people. Though don't go overboard - never under any circumstances mention to anyone (especially your partner!) that you cheated on them. Get some perspective, and don't do anything (else) stupid!
>> No. 26518 Anonymous
23rd April 2018
Monday 9:20 am
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>>26516

Thing is though in reality, very very few of us will ever find that one perfect person who delivers everything they need from a relationship. Comprises usually have to be made, and it's through those cracks that adulterous temptations slide in.

I've found myself consistently unable to maintain a monogamous relationship throughout my 10+ year career in womancraft. It's not that I don't want to, and the thought of my bird cheating fills me with the disgust and anger that it rightly should- Yet there's something in the recesses of my consciousness that always wants to shag someone new, someone different, have my cake and eat it.

Ultimately it always ends in tears, but I think some people just have this inherent trait and will never learn the lesson. I think if OP has done it three times by now he needs to have a long hard look at himself- You can try pass the buck and blame it on alcohol, but I think it would be more fair to say that he's young and inexperienced, and knows deep down that he should be using these years to shag around.

You might look into her eyes and see the truest love etc etc, but I said the same about the girl I was with when I was 19 and frankly, nowadays, I wish I had never met that particular bitch. You are young.
>> No. 26519 Anonymous
23rd April 2018
Monday 9:28 am
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>>26518

Look you cunt non-platonic, non-Jeusus love does not exist. It was made up by Disney and the HallMark card company to increase sales.

Trust me people who make it to their 25th wedding anniversary do it out of a sort of desperation. People who make it to 50 do it because they're scared of dying of stage 4 cancer on their own.


The rest if you you who think you love and are in love will one day , around 50, or 70, or 80, that your cock can't get hard for that sallow bag of sap that used to be your wife.

And if you say "that's the real meaning of love" then more fool you, you big wee mad dafty.
>> No. 26520 Anonymous
23rd April 2018
Monday 9:41 am
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>>26519

Listen lad, I know you've been awake all weekend on uppers, but it's Monday morning now, you've gone too far.

I tend to find people like this say so because they have never been lucky enough to have a bird who makes them a brew on a morning, then sucks their cock, and packs them some sandwiches for work. That's love mate.

The life of the eternal bachelor works for some, but one day you'll be too old to get it up for your expensive prostitutes any more, and you'll wish you just found one to settle down with. At least then you could tell her to put the kettle on.
>> No. 26521 Anonymous
23rd April 2018
Monday 10:07 am
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>>26520

> I tend to find people like this say so because they have never been lucky enough to have a bird who makes them a brew on a morning

My wife makes me 3 cups of tea before I get out of bed in the morning and slug the fives yard to my home office.

> then sucks their cock

When I was 21 I was seeing this Brazilian 26 year old who would suck my morning would to completion, and I'd only wake up as the judders came on.

> and packs them some sandwiches for work. That's love mate.

I've in been on £40k since 23 so she didn't make me a packed lunch (oh how twee) but she did make me breakfast.

I'm sorry you've had such a mediocre life lad, except I'm not not, I'm exultant. I revel in your misery.

Also I haven't done a stimulant since 2016 you pathologically imbecilic roaring marple vagina.

Enjoy your day at at the call center, or worse yet dealing with functions within C macros. You bitter smegma encrusted belllend of a man.

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 26522 Anonymous
23rd April 2018
Monday 10:10 am
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Isn't love just chemicals and that? Empirically 'real' but perhaps not as profound and permanent as we like to believe.
>> No. 26523 Anonymous
23rd April 2018
Monday 12:01 pm
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>>26522
There are two types of love. The chemical intense infatuation lasts between 2 to 5 years. If you haven't fallen in love with them by then, the relationship is on a timer as unlike days of old you can't just be polite to each other until one of you dies of TB. Old people who've been together for 50 years have a connection that goes deeper than infatuation. They've spent their life with their closest friend and confidant, someone who understands them wholeheartedly.

I suspect this is something psychopath lad can't relate to.
>> No. 26524 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 4:07 pm
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>>26523

> Old people who've been together for 50 years have a connection that goes deeper than infatuation. They've spent their life with their closest friend and confidant, someone who understands them wholeheartedly.

I think that is becoming more rare also because people aren't prepared for the kind of compromise and sacrifice that that can entail. Those 50 years aren't spent just happily agreeing with each other every day. That amount of confidence and understanding is often gained by living through times together when they were severely tested.

Nowadays, people know that somebody else could just be a swipe on their smartphone screen away if their relationship ever hits a rough patch. So you also have to remember that the dating scene 50 and more years ago was quite different, and that the number of potential (other) partners could be quite limited, especially if you lived in rural areas. So you had much more of an incentive of making things work out with the partner you were with, instead of just dumping them and meeting up with a fellow Tinder user the next weekend.

We are spoiled for choice nowadays, and as with anything that is available in abundance, it can diminish the esteem for any one relationship that might not be doing well at the moment.
>> No. 26525 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 7:43 pm
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>>26523
This reminds me of a recent evening I spent with the beloved where we just slobbed out and hoofed up handfuls of popcorn in front of iPlayer. I mention this only because in that moment, I realised she was just a solidly good friend to hang out with, and it was a pretty nice feeling. Not even anything romantic, just a kind of deep platonic appreciation. I mostly live in fear of the 7 year itch but times like that make me feel like we might be in with a chance.

Sage ticked for smug, and in readiness for when bitterlad comes off his ban and utterly destroy my fledgling optimism.
>> No. 26526 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 7:50 pm
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>>26521

Everything about this post is hilarious.
>> No. 26527 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 8:15 pm
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>>26526
Well fuck you, he's been on £40K since he was 23. Yep, one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen here.
>> No. 26528 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 8:26 pm
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>>26524
>So you had much more of an incentive of making things work out with the partner you were with, instead of just dumping them and meeting up with a fellow Tinder user the next weekend.

My friends looked at me with incredulity when I tried explaining to them that sometimes you have to make marriage work rather than giving up; in their eyes that equates to staying in a relationship you're unhappy with so you should bail at the first sign of trouble. These are people in their early thirties and most of them haven't been in a stable long-term relationship.
>> No. 26531 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 10:08 pm
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>>26528

This is exactly what I mean. The idea that a steady relationship with a strong bond between two partners is often the result of having been through thick and thin together is increasingly lost on the younger generation.

Nobody is saying that you should stay in an abusive relationship or marriage where every new day is just horrible and you pretty much even dread waking up next to that person in the morning. That's a given. But relationships will inevitably run into rough patches now and then, and things will have to be sorted out. If your answer to that is always to just drop everything and go find somebody new, then you will remain a quite immature person for much of your life.
>> No. 26532 Anonymous
24th April 2018
Tuesday 10:23 pm
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what's a relationship

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