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Thanks for the support. It's all stuff I already know, but somehow a bunch of anonymous autistic people bothering to reply is heartening.
I have got a lot of work to do linked to the unhealthy hyper masculinity I was exposed to in childhood and which work sort of consolidates. I've got a sort of action plan, which doesn't involve hookers and heavy drinking. I'm in much better physical shape than most men my age, but I've had an unhealthy relationship with my body, and fitness, due to military approaches to it. I'm starting a holistic relationship with my self and will eventually share this with others once I sort myself out.
I've already spoken to a few people offline and will follow on with this.
As a weird aside I've also fallen in love with an old friend and it seems she has similar feelings, the only minor issue being my fear of emotional intimacy, something we will work with. We will take it very slow and see how things go once I come back to town.