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>> No. 26673 Anonymous
20th May 2018
Sunday 1:58 pm
26673 My mind is slipping away
I am becoming crazy /emo, and I cannot get any help.

I had spent two weeks in the ICU after surgery and a lung infection. I immediately noticed a cognitive decline and memory problems, but the doctors either ignored me or told me to just wait it out. Now it has been almost two years, and it is just getting worse. Short term memory is completely fucked, sometimes I just walk into a room and flatly out forget what the fuck I was going to do. I cannot remember anything for the life of me, and often the memories are distorted. I cannot trust myself anymore, all my memories are unreliable. It's a nightmare, a fucking nightmare. I tried rereading books or movies that I used to enjoy, now they feel like nuclear rocket surgery.

I tried asking for help to the NHS, no goddamn way. The CT brain scan did not show any damage. I tried speaking with somebody from the healthy minds, but they claimed to be unable to treat such a problem so they discharged me. After 8 months of waiting I saw a psychiatrist, but it was useless. He told me that I am in way too good shape to be diagnosed with dementia. Then, he offered me some happy pills, what the fuck I am looking for help with my mental decline, not looking for some chemical recreation.

I have some memories that cannot possibly be happened to me or to any normal human. I went back to places that I proved myself to have visited years ago, and they look nothing like my memories say. I had people greeting me and calling me by name, but I cannot remember ever meeting them.

I do not know where to get some help. Do I need to strip naked and take a shit in a council office to get some psychiatric help? I do not want to end tied up in a bed and force fed medication until I become a drooling vegetable. I've seen it happen, that poor guy came back from the psych ward looking like a zombie.
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>> No. 26674 Anonymous
20th May 2018
Sunday 2:33 pm
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Take this advice with a massive pinch of salt, as I'm not a qualified professional by any means.

If you experienced no memory problems before surgery, and the problems started immediately following that time, that's a strong indication that something's physically amiss.

I'd consider trying to get an MRI and speaking to as many neurologists as possible. If the NHS refuses to budge, I think it would be worth going to a private healthcare provider.
>> No. 26675 Anonymous
20th May 2018
Sunday 3:51 pm
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Thanks, I had a MRI (not a CT scan, idiot me. I found the documents in the folder) and everything looked fine. The GP refused to have me referred to the neurologist in the memory clinic because he said that I am way above the usual threshold for this kind of treatments. I remember the people with dementia in the ward, they were more or less brain dead and unresponsive to any stimulus. Compared to them, I guess that I look perfectly healthy.

My overall impression is that as long as you are alive and breathing unaided, the NHS regards you as "healthy enough". Correct me if I am wrong.

Thanks for the idea, I thought about going private, but I do not know where to go. Besides that, I am completely penniless and surviving on ESA.
>> No. 26676 Anonymous
20th May 2018
Sunday 4:03 pm
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>My overall impression is that as long as you are alive and breathing unaided, the NHS regards you as "healthy enough". Correct me if I am wrong.

In my personal experience, that seems accurate. I have a giant abdominal hernia (I look like a pregnant man) that I first went to the doctors about in November. I definitely need surgery, though since I only have 'minor issues (like feeling sick all the time, not being able to lie on my belly without pain, not being able to work for fear of making it worse) I've basically been progressing at the rate of one appointment every two months. I see someone, they look at it, refer me somewhere, I get a letter a month later for an appointment a month from then. I had a scan two months ago, not entirely sure how up to date its going to be when they actually fucking cut me open.

At least they're actually treating me, though. I'm very sorry they're not doing anything for you. Since you can't afford private, I'm not entirely sure what else you can do. Short of, as you say, acting up. But that likely won't get you the treatment you need.
>> No. 26677 Anonymous
20th May 2018
Sunday 7:53 pm
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To be honest, OP, this sounds all perfectly normal to me. My memory is improving with age, it sounds like yours is getting worse, but I've forgotten the names of practically everyone I've ever met. People's memories work differently. It seems to have to do with your lifestyle. My memory and habits have totally changed as I've adopted radically different lifestyles.

Making a commitment to a big life change might jolt your brain into a different gear. Like... if you're single, try to find a stable long term relationship (at least then your missus can become your memory, or at least your personal calender). Move house. Change jobs. Or, cash in and go travelling. Start volunteering. Get a new hobby and commit to it. Give up computers or something else you're addicted to. The process of adapting to change, rather than trying to change, rewires your brain and creates positive changes.
>> No. 26678 Anonymous
21st May 2018
Monday 4:01 am
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Ow, I am sorry for you, mate, that really sucks. Are you on ESA too?
>> No. 26679 Anonymous
21st May 2018
Monday 11:18 pm
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Good luck OP.

I've often thought gradual memory loss/dementia would be the worst way for anyone to go. Fuck that bloody Chinese water torture, this is the real pain in the arse. I had nightmares about it when I was a kid and my family has a history of brain cancer and dementia so I'm fucked.

Hope you find a way out of it or things get better for you mate.
>> No. 26680 Anonymous
22nd May 2018
Tuesday 6:54 pm
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>My overall impression is that as long as you are alive and breathing unaided, the NHS regards you as "healthy enough". Correct me if I am wrong.

To a certain extent you are correct, but you have to understand that there are a lot of, for lack of a better word, time wasters clogging up the service's resources. This unspoken rule has developed in order to filter some of that out.

Having said that though, this doctor sounds like a dickhead. I know we would like to think doctors are all hard working and compassionate, but with GPs especially, I would never rule that possibility out. Have you had a second opinion?
>> No. 26685 Anonymous
24th May 2018
Thursday 7:47 am
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I tried with two different GPs and they told me the same thing. I think it's a matter of protocols and procedures rather than dickheadness. Probably NHS resources are stretched so thin that there is no way to handle anything except absolute emergencies or situations that can be addressed with little investment.

By the way, AFAIK getting mental healthcare is more difficult than winning the Eurolottery. I live in a city that cannot even care for paranoid schizos with histories of violence:

>> No. 26686 Anonymous
24th May 2018
Thursday 8:09 pm
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I'll throw in my anecdotal evidence that no one cares about:

A few years ago I had a cyst on my neck that had been growing for years, it got to the point where it was causing me pain, got infected and started leaking pus, and forced me to get a prescription for antibiotics. I got referred to a consultant surgeon, who with a dead-pan delivery, told me that it was "cosmetic". I then asked about going private, and he straight away said "yes I've got an appointment free next week."
>> No. 26687 Anonymous
24th May 2018
Thursday 10:49 pm
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If you're referred for non-urgent consultant-led treatment, there's a waiting target of 18 weeks. If your NHS trust fails to treat at least 92% of patients within that time, they're subject to fines. That quickly turns into a vicious cycle - missed targets, less money, lack of resources, missed targets, less money. In that regime, there's a strong incentive to refuse referrals just to keep people off the waiting list.
>> No. 26688 Anonymous
25th May 2018
Friday 10:45 am
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How much did you had to pay, if you don't mind me asking?

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