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>> No. 26701 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 5:00 pm
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Everything I do, all day, always reminds me of something embarrassing I did. Be it last week, or years ago, my brain is there to spoil any activity, no matter how mundane, with a reminder.

Going through a PowerPoint presentation: remember in Year 10 when you had to give a presentation on [thing] and you ballsed it up?

Walking past a local pub: It was in this pub you ballsed up the only chance you've ever had with a girl by acting like a fucking cunt, you fucking cunt.

Going through holiday photos: You were on holiday (not even this one) when you acted like a fucking selfish prick in front of the people you were staying with, you fucking cunt.

Listening to certain songs: You liked this song around the time you said "ah, shit" to [teacher] at school by accident and got into a lot of trouble.

And it doesn't even have to be associated with things. I can be just walking somewhere and things that I did, no matter how recent or distant, will just bubble up and I'll have to struggle to not visibly cringe.

It's becoming quite obtrusive now; I hadn't really realised til I thought about it in the shower today - I was thinking about something stupid I did and realised that these thoughts come to me several times a day, every day.

I've tried getting help for anxiety and stuff but that's not going to happen with the current state of the NHS, so what can I do?
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>> No. 26702 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 5:08 pm
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Mirtazapine. I had the exact same problem. That stuff cleared it up the neurotic thought patters nearly immediately. The draw back is that it will turn you into a sleepy fat fuck.
>> No. 26703 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 5:20 pm
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Intrusive thoughts are relatively easy to manage with medication and mindfulness training.

Mirtazipine also worked for me, but once I came off it it was mindfulness that helped me cope with them and not let them ruin my day. The power of weaponised, constructive rationality.
>> No. 26704 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 5:24 pm
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I'm already a sleepy fat fuck, so that's likely not a problem.

However, how do I get it if I can't get an appointment from the NHS? I don't want to use unsavoury means.
>> No. 26705 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 5:32 pm
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Don't think of a pink elephant. Don't think of a pink elephant. Whatever you do, don't think of a pink elephant. If you think of a pink elephant, that means you're an awful person. If you think of a pink elephant you're doomed to be miserable forever. Are you thinking of a pink elephant?

By struggling to suppress painful thoughts, you just make them more prominent, like the pink elephant. The more you try to push them out of your mind, the more of your attention they take up. You can't stop thinking something through sheer willpower.

What you can do is change the way you think about those thoughts. You can learn techniques to observe your own thoughts from a rational distance. You can drain the thoughts of their emotional sting by learning how to perceive them as thoughts rather than truths. Once you've practised those skills and made them into a habit, you're in a win-win scenario. Either you still have the thoughts but they no longer bother you, or they just stop occurring altogether.

The book at the link below is a good primer on how to learn these techniques and put them into practice.

>> No. 26706 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 5:34 pm
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Amazon link, in case you prefer paper or your ISP is blocking LibGen:

>> No. 26707 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 5:41 pm
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Cheers, lad. Once a find my Kindle under the mountain of shit in my room I'll have a read through.
>> No. 26708 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 6:21 pm
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>> No. 26709 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 6:27 pm
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Mine's always saying

>Hey, do you remember this embarrassing thing you did decades ago which is so trivial you're probably the only person on earth who remembers it.

It gets so abstract with it I have to find it comical.

You don't have to take any type of intrusive thoughts seriously.

I don't know if you get "What if I just jumped under this bus?" type intrusive thoughts but if you're able to not take that type seriously, think of the remember-the-embarrassing-thing-you-did type the same way.
>> No. 26710 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 6:34 pm
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How can you not get a GP to see you? You can phone and ask for the next available appointment in my Doctors Surgery and get an appointment for the next week.
>> No. 26711 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 7:02 pm
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I think people get fobbed off if they want referrals to psychiatric services.
>> No. 26712 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 7:10 pm
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I did that, and instead of getting a prescription, they said they'll refer me for an assessment. Three months later, I got an assessment appointment, and then never heard anything ever again.
>> No. 26713 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 7:17 pm
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So you went to the appointment? Did they not tell you to make an appointment with your GP as a follow up.

You don't get a letter from them unless it's for another appointment and they'll only do that if they think you need 1 to 1 counselling. There is probably a note in your medical records advising the GP, make another appointment. Explain to the GP how it's getting worse and if they think medication could help. The Clinical Psychologist will have recommended counselling options and medication, GP can prescribe whatever they think is appropriate and if you mention mirtazipine by name they'll try it and they can refer you to an appropriate service for counselling.
>> No. 26714 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 7:23 pm
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Unsavoury means?
>> No. 26715 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 7:33 pm
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I did go to the appointment. They said they'd send me a letter, which never came.

I'll book an appointment ASAP, then. Meanwhile, I'll read the books.
>> No. 26716 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 7:38 pm
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You do have to chase the NHS up quite a bit. I'm not entirely convinced these missing appointments aren't deliberate, they've happened to me before. But all you really have to do is go back to your GP (if you can at your clinic, just get a telephone appointment and it can be sorted in a few minutes)
>> No. 26717 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 8:37 pm
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Not him, but my surgery only books appointments on the day. It's like getting tickets for Glastonbury - you ring up at 8am sharp and keep dialling until you either get the receptionist or a recorded message saying "All our appointments for today are booked. Please try calling at 8am Monday to Friday."


Good luck getting an assessment with a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist. In most of the country, you'll be lucky to get a telephone assessment with a Psychological Wellbeing Practitioner and the promise of six half-hour sessions of CBT in six months time. Friends of mine have been sent home from A&E after a suicide attempt with no follow-up whatsoever or just the number for the crisis team on a scrap of paper.
>> No. 26718 Anonymous
28th May 2018
Monday 9:44 pm
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I remember confrontations I've had throughout my life and what I should have said instead of what I actually did. Funny how years later with the opportunity to revise your statements you can be a lot more eloquent and pithy, isn't it.
>> No. 26720 Anonymous
29th May 2018
Tuesday 7:48 pm
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Now I've thought about it, decided to log it every time I notice it. 9 times today that I've caught myself in it.

L’esprit de l’escalier.
>> No. 26723 Anonymous
29th May 2018
Tuesday 10:30 pm
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No I wouldn't call it that, because staircase wit is going to bed and then suddenly realising 'oh, I should have this'.

Whereas what I do is come back to these memories every few weeks, over and over again, and start talking to myself and going over better things to say again and again until I've constructed a perfect Wildean putdown. It's possibly a coping strategy to defend my self-esteem.
>> No. 26724 Anonymous
29th May 2018
Tuesday 10:33 pm
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Frankly I stopped smoking weed pretty much entirely because of this. From the micro "why did you say that to Joanne yesterday, she was only being helpful you knob" to the macro "why did you fall out with Fred in year 10 you prick, no wonder you're a shut in now", it became a very predictable and tiring pattern of thinking that I found very difficult to keep quiet.

Not sure why it started to have that particular effect after years of only moderate use, or if it was just exaggerating my existing self-critical tendencies. Either way.

Sage for drug nonsense.
>> No. 26725 Anonymous
29th May 2018
Tuesday 11:25 pm
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I'm not big on the old Johnny Red-Eye, but for me I find it a much more physical than mental experience. Not to say the mental effects aren't there, but I don't get these wild 'insights' or visions or whatever, I just feel really lethargic everything is slightly funnier. In California I had a massive rip of resin, and I felt really, uncomfortably drunk.

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