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>> No. 26739 Anonymous
4th June 2018
Monday 3:37 am
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I was digging around at home and found that my mum has kept every single one of my school reports. I thought it would be a bit of a laugh to read about what I was like at 8 years old, so I did, and now I feel sick.

I haven't changed a bit. Every single report, from first year to the end, was the same thing. "exceptionally capable, but won't put the work in", "does not utilise his intelligence", "easily distracted, slow worker", "is happy with the bare minimum". Every. Single. One.

My grades tell the same story - A* exams, D coursework. Anything I had to actually work on I did in the quickest and easiest possible manner. Yet I had the brainpower to walk into an exam just with the stuff I'd remembered in class and ace a test. Apparently I got the only perfect score in the region on an ICT test, yet came out with a B overall, because my coursework was cobbled together.

The issue here is, these comments are all to familiar in my adult working life. Though I've still managed to coast my way through a very fruitful career, more than once I've been told to try more, to care a bit more. And it's starting to dawn on me that I've always just brushed this shit off. I've even felt that I didn't understand the criticisms, that I was working to the best of my ability - but obviously I'm not, and I can't really figure out how I'm supposed to improve that.

It's a real kick in the teeth to realise that you had the same problems at 9 years old as you do at 29, and for two fucking decades you've been ignoring everyone's advice. I can't even imagine where I'd be if I'd listened, instead of just taking the path of least resistance. I do think I learned early on that participation in just about anything was optional, and if you're clever enough you can get away with it, and I've managed to carve out a niche career that allows me to work at my own pace, at the expense of my free time I suppose, as I seem to take longer to do anything than most people, and it's not for lack of ability.

So basically it's a lack of drive, or concentration? I really can't work out how to improve this though. I suppose I just have to learn how to not be lazy anymore? To actually get stuck in? I have no fucking clue how to do that, and I've always felt like I do work hard (despite people telling me I don't). I just very, very often find myself thinking "fuck this, can't be arsed" and subsequently cutting corners or stopping entirely.

Although I'm now a consultant in my field, I can honestly not think of how I would improve my performance, even though my job is to tell others how to do just that. Am I in such deep denial that I'm tricking myself into thinking I'm infallible? What the fuck is that about? Maybe I have just been working hard but not efficiently or well, but why have I never noticed this in myself?

This was originally just going to be a post describing how terrible I feel right now but really, how do I fix this? It's easy to find comfort in the picture I just posted, but I suspect that in reality I'd have gone much further if I had drive.
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>> No. 26740 Anonymous
4th June 2018
Monday 2:35 pm
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Please take this short test, then come back and let us know your results.

https://psychology-tools.com/adult-adhd-self-report-scale/
>> No. 26741 Anonymous
4th June 2018
Monday 4:23 pm
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>>26739

> Apparently I got the only perfect score in the region on an ICT test, yet came out with a B overall, because my coursework was cobbled together.

I can relate. I didn't hand in any course work. At all. I had to basically get every single question on the exam right in order to scrape a C. I got my C.

I'd hate to read my old school reports. It'd probably be like reading old emails from fifteen years ago but a thousand times worse. 20/20 hindsight is a terrible thing and not worth wasting turning your guts over for.
>> No. 26742 Anonymous
4th June 2018
Monday 8:06 pm
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>It's a real kick in the teeth to realise that you had the same problems at 9 years old as you do at 29, and for two fucking decades you've been ignoring everyone's advice

The vast majority of people just coast through life seeing how far they can blag it. I'm pretty sure the whole "bright but could try harder" thing resonates with 90% of us here.

You seem to be doing fine, I wouldn't worry.
>> No. 26743 Anonymous
4th June 2018
Monday 9:09 pm
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>I've still managed to coast my way through a very fruitful career

You're doing better than most.

It seems like you're quite content with your life, but your self esteem has taken a bit of a knock because of other people's expectations. If you really think you'd be happier by working harder and striving for "success" (whatever that means) then I'd suggest speaking to a psychotherapist or a life coach, setting some goals and figuring out a plan to achieve them. If you're actually quite happy as you are, then it's just a case of ignoring what everyone else thinks and getting on with your own life.

School gives you a quite warped sense of what adulthood is supposed to be like, because teachers are quite unrepresentative of the general population. Teaching isn't a particularly brilliant job - most teachers will readily admit that they're overworked and underpaid. People who go into teaching and stick at it tend to be a bit weird.

Some are just passionate about teaching and really care about giving their pupils the best start in life. If you're lucky, you might remember a couple of them, probably from primary school. Some are petty and pathetic tyrants who have the urge to wield power, but don't have the courage to be a copper or the brains to be an executive. I'm sure you can remember a few of those. Most are just a bit lost - they muddled their way through school, went to university because it was what they were supposed to do, then realised just before graduation that they had absolutely no idea what to do next. They just slide into teaching, because it's one of the few jobs you're guaranteed to get with a 2:2 in English Literature, the holidays look pretty cushy and going back to school seems less scary than venturing out into the real world.

That latter group tend to write the "could do anything if only he would set his mind to it" reports. It's a reflection of their own frustrations, their sense of loss at what could have been. At some point, often remarkably early in their careers, they have this horrible moment of realisation. I've been living my entire life on autopilot. I've never actually made a single conscious choice about anything that really matters, I've just picked options from a list that someone else gave me. I've spent the majority of my waking hours in a classroom for the last thirty-odd years. You'd get less than that for murder. How the hell did I get here? Where did all the time go? It's OK though. I don't mind the marking. At least I get the holidays. At least I get the holidays. At least I get the holidays.

Choosing to be bone idle is absolutely fine. Choosing to take the easy option and the easy money is fine. A lot of people work their fingers to the bone and still end up miserable. Money, responsibility and prestige doesn't really have any impact on your happiness as long as you're not starving. A lot of people realise in middle-age that the rat race is making them miserable and choose to do something more fulfilling. What rots your soul is not making a choice at all.
>> No. 26745 Anonymous
5th June 2018
Tuesday 12:47 am
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> Though I've still managed to coast my way through a very fruitful career

Luxury problems: the thread.
>> No. 26746 Anonymous
5th June 2018
Tuesday 1:54 am
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>>26745

Would you have any better advice if he had a shite job?
>> No. 26747 Anonymous
5th June 2018
Tuesday 2:10 am
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>>26746
Yes. I'd tell him to get a better job.
>> No. 26748 Anonymous
5th June 2018
Tuesday 2:15 am
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>>26747

Don't troll in /emo/ mate.
>> No. 26749 Anonymous
5th June 2018
Tuesday 3:35 am
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>>26746

CBT and ADHD meds, probably.
>> No. 26750 Anonymous
5th June 2018
Tuesday 7:36 am
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I'm the same age as you and I've been coasting pretty much since I started college. I think this largely stems from the fact that I'm the type of person who is naturally good at exams so I've never needed to revise much as I can recall a fair amount from a small prompt.

I realised about that age that I could either go out, get pissed and enjoy myself and coast to getting three Bs or I could work my balls off and push for A grades. I went with the latter. The same principle applied at university; push for a first or coast to a 2.1.

I am doing alright for myself, depending on how much overtime I do I'll be on about £40k this tax year, but I know I don't apply myself as much as I can. I'll always rationalise to myself when I've done something half-arsed, like I only see working for this company as a stop-gap or I'll learn how to do this properly when I get promoted (which is then followed by me being promoted and still not learning it).

It sounds like the difference between us is that I fully accept that I coast and I'm comfortable with it. I could have achieved more if I put my mind to it and the effort in, but I'm still doing better than most. You're 29 so it's not exactly like you're too old to do something about this if you really want to.
>> No. 26753 Anonymous
5th June 2018
Tuesday 5:51 pm
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>>26750

>I'm still doing better than most.

This is the key thing to remember. I know it sounds like one of those bollocks truisms people march out when they don't want to come up with anything better, but for lads like you, it's definitely applicable. First world problems, and all that.

99% of the 7 billion people on this planet are worse off than you. You live in the 7th richest nation on Earth and you are square in the median income "middle class" segment of that country. You are as close to having nothing to worry about as it is reasonably possible to be. You could be better off, sure, but do you honestly need to be?

The bloke in charge at your current employer probably coasted his way there. He'll have cut every corner he could, stuck his nose up the right arses, maybe stabbed a couple of poor cunts in the back, and now gets paid to play golf and chuckles about the fact he gets away with it.

Being a good boy who always tries his hardest is not actually all that important in life. Stop being so self critical.
>> No. 26756 Anonymous
5th June 2018
Tuesday 11:29 pm
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>>26753
>Being a good boy who always tries his hardest is not actually all that important in life.
Well it is from a moral point of view. I'm not saying the OP isn't being overly self-critical, but there's coasting, and then there's being a downright arsehole like the boss you just described. OP is alright as long as he isn't fucking over other people to get what he wants.
>> No. 26757 Anonymous
6th June 2018
Wednesday 6:58 pm
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You have to try your hardest and be nice, but don't mistake being nice for being a non-entity.

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