|>>|| No. 26865
When I was little my dad used to kick the crap out of me. About 20 years ago I started fighting back and about 15 years ago he finally realised that I simply wasn't ever going to be the kind of kid who could be sorted out by "a good hiding" and that, while I could be forced to do things through physical violence, it simply wasn't ever, ever, worth it.
I don't want to get too much into it but he's been paralysed for the last year or so and it's made no difference to our complicated relationship as a point of pride for both of us. If anything, these days he is more honest about simply not giving a fuck about my feelings and I am more honest about resenting it. There used to be tension and it's gone now, we can actually chat sometimes even if we are in open verbal warfare most of the rest of the time.
What with it being father's day weekend we were arguing yesterday about rows from years gone by. Things he wishes he'd done differently. Things I wish I'd done differently etc. And then he drops a nuclear bomb.... out of nowhere....
In addition to my sister and I, according to him at this moment, he had two other children by two women. One living just around the corner from our local area and the other living abroad, one boy and one girl. I couldn't get much more information out of him than this, whether it was actually true or not (and I guess it still could be) he was obviously using it as a stick with which to beat me. I was actually happy in a way which I think surprised him so he changed tactic from his initial "lololol your inheritance" to "of course I don't want you to know about them, they're my NORMAL kids".
To my shame, and I have no idea why this mattered, but I really really cared to make sure that I was still the eldest. Psychologically I like being the firstborn I guess, it's literally all I've got, aint achieved nothing since. Once this was established we took a break. I rang him back twenty minutes or so later, blagged my way past his live-in nurse, and the conversation resumed.
He was lying. He just made it up. Why? Fuck knows why. I will never know because I immediately told that motherfucker he had blown his very last chance and hung up the phone. "Ten minutes ago you had two sons, now you don't have any". I don't block my worst enemies, but I blocked my dad.
How is this acceptable? Why is this acceptable? My dad is basically a normal person. I'm the non-functioning one. Do normal people really mess with each other's heads to this degree? I mean fucking seriously. What the fuck? He's tapped me once or twice since my 13th birthday, once as recently as three or four years back, but I would rather have a proper old fashioned "belts and blood" style beating than this shit.
I don't really need any advice or anything. Fuck my dad.