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>> No. 27270 Anonymous
8th August 2018
Wednesday 3:21 am
27270 History kicking me in the dick

I've not used .gs for years now, but I really wanted to vent and get some thoughts on a problem that's been keeping me up at night lately.

I met my current girlfriend on Tinder probably about this time last year, and we've been going out since last September. At this point, we more or less live together, and are very much in love. I'm a postdoc at a university, meaning a fixed-term contract after which I move on somewhere else in the world, and we are already anticipating our lives together in some new, exotic location (her career is completely translatable so moving internationally isn't an issue for her).

However, some quick Facebooking reveals that a friend of hers from her graduate programme is somebody that I had a few Tinder hook-ups with shortly after I moved here, a year or so before she and I met. The two of them aren't especially close friends, but her name has come up in conversation a couple of times, and they have mutual friends with whom they are both quite close.

I don't have a clue what to do. In my head, I'm rehearsing the talk that I have with her beginning with — as I did here — my discovering this information by happenstance through social media, and even that is difficult as there's a non-zero chance that this could be a dealbreaker for her.

Have any of you guys had any experience with being a bit of a flooze catching up with you later in life when you're genuinely in love?

Cheers in advance.
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>> No. 27271 Anonymous
8th August 2018
Wednesday 5:09 am
27271 spacer

>Have any of you guys had any experience with being a bit of a flooze catching up with you later in life when you're genuinely in love?

Yes, and the hard truth is if she actually cares about you and is a mature adult she won't give a shit. It really shouldn't be a big deal, and honestly if she can't cope with you having bonked someone she knows before you even met her, then that is a huge red flag, that is not a healthy level of jealousy.

As for when to bring it up, it really depends on how long you're willing to 'hide' something from her (though for two adults this is about as minor as not telling her your feelings about strawberry jam, honestly) and how good you are at acting surprised. If you're not good at that then just tell her now. If you are then let this person enter naturally into a conversation whenever she may.

And what to say? Just the truth. "You know Sally? Bit awkward but we dated/hooked up a couple of times a few years back. Small world" is honestly the only good approach. (I'd just straight up tell my girlfriend 'oh I fucked her' but I'm sensing this might not work for you)

If you make it a big deal in your head, or when you tell her, you're going to make it sound like it really is a big deal when it's fully not.

Do you really believe your gf might consider you having had sex with someone she's met a dealbreaker though? Or is that just you projecting a bit?
>> No. 27272 Anonymous
8th August 2018
Wednesday 4:55 pm
27272 spacer

Everybody has a past.

But seriously, if your girlfriend really cares a good deal about you, she will know to put in perspective the fact that you had some casual bonks with somebody else before her.

If you've been with your girlfriend for a year now, that means she already has somewhat of an idea about the kind of person you are now. So what if you were screwing around before her. A lot of people do until they find somebody that they feel is a keeper.
>> No. 27273 Anonymous
8th August 2018
Wednesday 5:13 pm
27273 spacer
Would you care if your girlfriend told you she had slept with one of your mates before she met you?
>> No. 27279 Anonymous
9th August 2018
Thursday 11:16 am
27279 spacer
I can say from experience that if she's the type who's immature or insecure enough to be bothered about it, you're probably best off finding out sooner rather than later. It'll only cause you hassle later on.

You should probably mention it at some point, purely to avoid looking like you tried to hide it- Just make sure it's not a completely out of the blue "Oh hey so I snagged one of your mates".

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