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>> No. 27466 Anonymous
2nd October 2018
Tuesday 7:01 pm
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Met this amazing Swiss girl at a conference last year, we hit it off. Get some drinks with a group, chatting up a storm, had a lot of fun together.

A few months ago I apply to a job in Switzerland and contact her out of the blue to tell her my plans. She sends lots of excited messages about the prospect of seeing me again, saying how much fun we'll have, offering to show me the city, she even offers to let me stay with her if I need somewhere while I look for a flat.

I get the job, she's over the moon. We call and talk a couple of times on the phone.

Today she casually mentions her boyfriend in Basel.


Expand all images.
>> No. 27467 Anonymous
2nd October 2018
Tuesday 7:42 pm
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Ah, that's shit. She could have cute friends?
>> No. 27468 Anonymous
2nd October 2018
Tuesday 8:22 pm
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That's a viable option. I was also considering joining a monastery and/or chemical castration.
>> No. 27484 Anonymous
4th October 2018
Thursday 12:26 am
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She's probably just a nice person who wants to help you out getting settled in an unfamiliar land for nothing more than the vague kudos of having a cool foreign friend to introduce to old mates from the same town she grew up in.

Is the probl/emo/ that you're heartbroken over this girl in particular or is that you have a repeating pattern of this sort of thing in your life?
>> No. 27485 Anonymous
4th October 2018
Thursday 12:30 am
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I saw the comic while scrolling and thought this was still the thread about the perverted blue-green elf God, because that would have been great.

Sage and sorry for glibness and derailing in /emo/.
>> No. 27486 Anonymous
4th October 2018
Thursday 12:31 am
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She is going to parade you around as the cool foreign friend, you'll be knee deep in fanny m8 don't sweat it.

Also, it's a BF not a Husband. Shit happens, they might break up.
>> No. 27488 Anonymous
4th October 2018
Thursday 7:00 am
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OP here. Of course I know now that she is just a thoroughly nice person and I don't hold it against her.

I've asked other friends about this (particularly female), shown them some of the messages, and they were also surprised.

As for this pattern repeating... Well, maybe my view has been coloured by the fact I've not been seeing anyone for well over a year. When a girl starts going well beyond what I would class as 'friendly', I probably did start developing some feelings. Not unnatural, right?

Frankly I've had girls who are interested in me play it a lot cooler than this lass did.

I won't deny that maybe it is a repeating pattern, and that maybe I do get a bit fixated on particular people at certain times. In this case I think it was justifiable, but I'm willing to hear out suggestions and other points of view.
>> No. 27489 Anonymous
4th October 2018
Thursday 7:16 am
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I hope you didn't apply for this job purely in the hope you were going to nob this girl, because that's really really foolish.
>> No. 27490 Anonymous
4th October 2018
Thursday 7:29 am
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No, I should have specified. The job application is something I was planning for a while and it only clicked afterwards when I was trying to think of people who lived there who could help out.

I mean, it was nice to have that daydream alongside that job offer. But no, I care a lot about my career and wouldn't jeopardise it for the sake of bobbing someone I like.
>> No. 27491 Anonymous
4th October 2018
Thursday 9:21 am
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This. Make the most of it. Ask her fittest single friends for Swiss French lessons. Be charming and enthusiastic. Go hiking. Go skiing. Get a gun licence and ask someone to teach you to shoot (apparently they all have guns out there, Switzerland is weird.)

You could really do well out of this one mate so don't squander this opportunity to land yourself a fit Swiss wife and a tax haven passport.
>> No. 27492 Anonymous
4th October 2018
Thursday 10:32 am
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Oh, .gs. Where would I be without you?
>> No. 27499 Anonymous
8th October 2018
Monday 3:59 pm
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I envy you a bit. Those SIG SG550 are fun to shoot, I think.
> and a tax haven
...is it?
>> No. 27500 Anonymous
8th October 2018
Monday 4:57 pm
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I'd assume it must be because everything is so expensive over there; it's about £3 for chips from McDonald's.
>> No. 27501 Anonymous
8th October 2018
Monday 5:29 pm
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>it's about £3 for chips from McDonald's.
>> No. 27502 Anonymous
8th October 2018
Monday 5:32 pm
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I based that assessment on the account of my dual nationality mate who says that Swiss citizens can get away with a lot simply by virtue of their citizenship, if they knew how to work the system to their favour. Then againsaid mate has numerous relatives who work for both the Swiss and Belgian governments so it may be a class benefit
>> No. 27562 Anonymous
24th October 2018
Wednesday 5:22 pm
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Actually, lads, she's told me a bit more about her love life since and... Well, the girl is a fucking mess.

I think fate might have been on my side with this one, after all.
>> No. 27565 Anonymous
24th October 2018
Wednesday 9:40 pm
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Huzzah! I love a good resolution to an OP tale.

Do let us know if you find any saner ones.
>> No. 27566 Anonymous
24th October 2018
Wednesday 10:35 pm
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You got any gossip for us? That's why we come here after all.
>> No. 27567 Anonymous
25th October 2018
Thursday 3:37 am
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Umm... the rule?
>> No. 27568 Anonymous
25th October 2018
Thursday 12:10 pm
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Avoid mental slags?
>> No. 27569 Anonymous
25th October 2018
Thursday 7:41 pm
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Say it properly, or don't say it at all.
>> No. 27570 Anonymous
26th October 2018
Friday 6:31 pm
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I second this notion, we need more details.
>> No. 27571 Anonymous
27th October 2018
Saturday 7:32 am
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What is this fucking mumsnet?
>> No. 27572 Anonymous
27th October 2018
Saturday 4:02 pm
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No, it's fucking auntiesnet.
>> No. 27575 Anonymous
28th October 2018
Sunday 10:28 am
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>> No. 27578 Anonymous
28th October 2018
Sunday 7:10 pm
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It's actually helped me put things into perspective a bit. Even the great ones can be a bit 'off' in other ways.

Here's hoping.


She's currently embroiled in some ludicrous drama involving a long-term boyfriend. For some reason beyond my comprehension, "they decided" to open up their relationship after getting engaged, which seems hilariously non-committal. She's since fallen in love with a colleague, while her fiancé mopes about long-distance during his studies.

Maybe it's a bit judgemental of me, but this girl is nearing 30. It seems a bit late to be playing silly buggers with someone you've supposedly arranged to marry.

She described the situation to me in a message, but I've not replied. I'm not really sure what to say to her.

Still, she was fun to be around and might be a useful contact in the future, so I may have to refrain from telling her what I actually think in this case. A polite "oh that sounds so complicated" might be in order...
>> No. 27579 Anonymous
28th October 2018
Sunday 7:47 pm
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Not as good of gossip as I had hoped for. You come across as slightly sour. I would have presumed this is less of a new development then you think and you could have been knobbing her for the last month if you are willing to share.
>> No. 27581 Anonymous
28th October 2018
Sunday 8:48 pm
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It does read a bit more sneery than I intended. I think it's just that I don't have any interest in a girl who's clearly already in a bit of a romantic bind as it is. And to be honest open relationships are of no interest to me anyway.

It could also be that I'm expressing the last of the sourness here in the safe greyness of a site for she'd enthusiasts.
>> No. 27582 Anonymous
28th October 2018
Sunday 9:10 pm
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I think I'm mostly just amazed that you have the tact to know that that's the only appropriate response you can give to someone sharing their "we tried to open up the relationship but it turns out separating sex and love in a culture built on conflation of the two is actually somewhat hard" story. It's the line I use whenever my poly mates are bitching at me about someone not returning their crush on them or some other similarly devastating blow to their wholly self-centred worldview, sometimes I mix it up a bit with "ah, that does sound a bit tricky". At the risk of sounding like an embittered monogamist (which I already was by my first sentence in this post), I've yet to encounter anyone involved in open relationships or poly-ism who doesn't behave like an absolute fucking child when it comes to their romantic entanglements.
>> No. 27583 Anonymous
28th October 2018
Sunday 9:53 pm
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>I've yet to encounter anyone involved in open relationships or poly-ism who doesn't behave like an absolute fucking child when it comes to their romantic entanglements.

I wish I met more like that, at the very least it isn't borning, my experiance has nearly been largely of people behaving in a clinical detatched and dull manner that robs any thrill from the experiance.

Me and the misses are in a very comfortable open relationship. In theory we have total freedom, in reality we know we love each other and trust the other and are quite open with each other, so there is no insecurity or bullshit between us.
>> No. 27612 Anonymous
29th October 2018
Monday 10:09 pm
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They always strike me as people who are trying a bit too hard to enjoy the experience; definitely concur, I have never met a "happy" poly-type.
>> No. 27627 Anonymous
30th October 2018
Tuesday 6:51 pm
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I'm willing to believe that there are happily ensconced poly types, like those couples who discover a swinger's club well into their 60s and spend their retirements at key parties, but - and here is the crucial thing - they usually have other hobbies like their allotments or geocaching which they will gladly blather on at length about first and keep their sexual escapades to themselves. Whereas the unhappy ones, who are subject to all that jealousy and petty infighting and seem to all be in their 20s, will tell you about that defining aspect of themselves first and foremost.

Fuck it, I've come up with a new rule for my grumpy old man dictatorship that I believe will solve all of this: you're only allowed to be poly-anything if you're drawing your pension and know in detail how to solve a whitefly infestation on your brassicas.

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