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>> No. 27801 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 6:15 pm
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I met a girl on holiday and we clicked earlier this year, I think she is great and we had lots of great sex (exactly the kind I'm into).

We kept in touch and she discussed coming here to see me, even though she lives across the world and wants to carry this on until one of us can make a move to be with the other in a few short years. We skype and message all day every day but obviously the distance is a bit bonkers.

Meanwhile I also met another girl at work who is great but is very boring at the old sex, likes me to slowly grind into her and doesn't like oral sex, anal or anything beyond really vanilla stuff.

Both are attractive, both are lovely, both are really interested, girl from work is probably slightly more conventionally attractive. More importantly, she is also here with me and available now.

What do I do? Do I take the easy route and take the girl who si attractive and be grateful because she's here and there's a realistically good relationship there or do I try and get something to work with the person who is closer to my soulmate but lives across the world and I would somehow only see once or twice a year for the next few years at least whilst we work something out?

Help lads, decision needs to be made soon.

Thanks
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>> No. 27802 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 6:19 pm
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I don't think anyone can make this decision for you.
>> No. 27803 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 6:21 pm
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>>27802
Okay but if you were to throw caution to the wind and pick for me anyway what would you choose?
>> No. 27804 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 6:28 pm
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I think almost anyone who's been in a long distance relationship will tell you it's a bad idea 90% of the time.

I'm not going to try and talk you out of her, but what you have to consider is the fact that you don't really know her and you will never get the chance to actually do so until you've actually spent some time together in person. By then you might find it's not as perfect as you'd convinced yourselves it would be, and it generally comes apart at the seams from there in the ugliest way possible because you both feel so bitter you waited so long and worked so hard for something unsatisfactory.

I was in a long distance relationship with a girl I was convinced was the girl of my dreams. Super attractive and horny as hell, everything was perfect when we spent those long nights on Skype and what have you. We'd known each other since weeans on MSN. However, every occasion we met it got gradually worse. The flaws in her personality that had never shown up online hit home like a sledgehammer because it was such a shocking realisation. It was a terrible feeling.

Just my two penneth lad. I'd go for the slightly boring lass and try to get her into some more exciting sex. But if that doesn't work out, you're not obligated to marry her are you.
>> No. 27805 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 6:46 pm
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Fuck them both? What's the rush to make a decision?
>> No. 27806 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 6:50 pm
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>>27804

Incredibly helpful, thanks lad, disaster though as I was almost certain I was going to roll the dice on the gamble.

>>27805
One who wants to come and visit wants to book it tonight as my last chance and I'd obviously have to let down the other.
>> No. 27807 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 6:56 pm
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>>27805

As a morally bankrupt older gentleman this is also my advice. Bonk the lass from work and then bonk the lass on the other side of the world when you go to visit her.

As the great philosopher Ludacris once remarked "I've got hoes, in different area codes".
>> No. 27808 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 6:59 pm
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>>27807
Not an option I'm afraid.

Both want a relationship and I do too.
>> No. 27809 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 7:00 pm
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>>27808
When is the woman from overseas coming to visit? Would you be satisfied with vanilla sex forevermore?
>> No. 27810 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 7:07 pm
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>>27808

I suppose that by "a relationship" you mean "a monogamous relationship".

From my own personal experience I can relate that monogamous long-distance relationships are hell. Either you'll cheat, she'll cheat, or you'll just end up hating each other. Or maybe you're one of the extremely lucky ones who'll actually make it work. I've never seen it though.
>> No. 27811 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 7:07 pm
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>I met a girl on holiday and we clicked

South Africa?

But yeah, I mostly echo >>27804 only I'd emphasise that they're both pretty mental options. The way I see it you're either going for a hell of a gamble on a holiday fling or shitting where you work. Neither is ideal and the third route (just find some other lass) will leave you hating me forever for the missed chance.

Work-lass is the more rational choice overall but follow your gut on such things.
>> No. 27812 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 7:07 pm
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>>27809
January if I go ahead.

I honestly don't know. The thought of a blowjob being an exceptionally lucky event is quite depressing to me.

I don't know if i'm thinking with my dick but somehing completely put me off when we went to have sex for the first time and she said 'No thrusting too much, I don't do anal and i hate people going down on me and maybe I'll briefly lick the tip of your dick if I'm drunk if you're lucky, it's too big.'

She'd be perfect other than that but it just really put me off, whereas with the ther girl I can be as open and as dirty as I want.
>> No. 27813 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 7:12 pm
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>>27812
What dirty things is it you like?
>> No. 27814 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 7:17 pm
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>>27813

Getting a bit deep now, but I'm not particularly dirty, I just prefer not to feel like I am limited you know?

Take for example work girl, having sex with her, my finger once went near her arse and she stopped and moved it away. She gets cum on her and she jumps up like it's acid burning through her skin and goes and wipes it off her, wouldn't entertain the thought of it being on her face, in her mouth, etc.

The other girl on the other hand would let a cheeky finger slip in, would enjoy having it there.

It's hard to explain, but it's like having two really nice cars but one of them you can only drive in a straight line with a max speed, which is enjoyable, but not as fun as it could be.
>> No. 27816 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 7:48 pm
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>>27801
>What do I do? Do I take the easy route and take the girl who si attractive and be grateful because she's here and there's a realistically good relationship there or do I try and get something to work with the person who is closer to my soulmate but lives across the world and I would somehow only see once or twice a year for the next few years at least whilst we work something out?


Did I miss the news that there Is now only two avaliable women in the world?

Neither of these are ideal for you to build your life around, I'm sure you can find a third women if you look hard enough.
>> No. 27817 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 7:59 pm
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>>27814

They both sound like boring shags that I wouldn't touch with a barge pole.

I'd just go with the local one under the assumption that if it won't work out, it'll be over in the next couple of years anyway and you can crack back on with the long distance one.

For less callous advice, long distance is very difficult.
>> No. 27818 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 8:20 pm
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>>27812

> 'No thrusting too much, I don't do anal and i hate people going down on me and maybe I'll briefly lick the tip of your dick if I'm drunk if you're lucky, it's too big.'

Is she young, inexperienced, or just completely vanilla? If it's either of the first two you can probably hand-hold her into the wilder waters of love, whereas if she's over 25 or so she's probably set like that and unlikely to change. Honestly though, if a lass laid down "ground rules" like that before we had sex, rather than talking me through what she likes as we go, then it'd put me more in mind of a visit to an Amsterdam window girl than a girlfriend.
>> No. 27819 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 8:33 pm
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>>27818

These are the sorts of things you hear from girls with proper supermodel level looks, who have never had to bother to work to keep a bloke happy in their life.

If someone's acting like that and isn't at least a 'phwoar' on the scale, she can fuck off and learn to suck cock.
>> No. 27820 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 8:36 pm
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>>27816

Good point lad but I don't often meet many women so it's quite tough.

>>27817

Thanks lad

>>27819
>>27818

She's 26, but she is very, very attractive which I think is why she can pretty much afford to be lazy as sin.

It's incredibly tiring being around her because quite literally everybody hits on her, I've been stood on the street with van men stop and shout at her and drive off etc.

I think she can afford her incredibly lazy, vanilla sex because people wouldn't turn her down otherwise.

The girl from Australia is fucking fit too, but just not as conventionally
>> No. 27821 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 8:41 pm
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I'll probably get shouted down by altrightinvasionconspiracylad for saying this, but problems in the bedroom are rarely confined to the bedroom IME. If someone is really uptight and unadventurous in bed, they're either carrying a fair bit of trauma-related baggage or they're just generally uptight and unadventurous. I've seen a lot of relationships go from "we get on alright, but she's no good in bed" to "I'm sick of the sight of her, all she ever does is look at sofa cushions on Pinterest and complain about my lack of career development". It's a slippery slope from underwhelming sex to staying together for the sake of the kids.
>> No. 27822 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 8:59 pm
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Couple of years back I caught some snide remarks for breaking up a girl on the grounds that she was asexual. She was also mental but I didn't feel like exposing her psychological problems to our mutuals so they only heard one side of the story and I got demonised for "only being interested in her for the sex". I felt bad about it at the time. This thread's comforting in a weird sort of way.
>> No. 27823 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 9:08 pm
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>>27822

You probably shouldn't have gotten into a relationship with an asexual if you wanted sex, but I can understand you probably thought you could handle it at the time.

There's certainly nothing shameful or wrong about leaving someone because of sex, or lack of it. It's part of just about every relationship so it's odd that at times people try to pretend sex has nothing to do with it. If I wanted to hang out with a girl I can't fuck I'd move in with my sister, she's great craic.
>> No. 27824 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 9:21 pm
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>>27823
She didn't come out with it until we'd been seeing each other for a while. To be honest it was probably just that some of that crowd already had a dislike of me but no real reason to so were grasping at straws. You'll run into types like that from time to time.
>> No. 27825 Anonymous
29th November 2018
Thursday 11:12 pm
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>>27820

> It's incredibly tiring being around her because quite literally everybody hits on her,

I've had a girlfriend or two like that before. The red flag is if she automatically flirts back almost on auto pilot. That's my cue to fucking leg it out of there immediately.
>> No. 27826 Anonymous
30th November 2018
Friday 8:06 pm
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>>27825

>The red flag is if she automatically flirts back almost on auto pilot.

I briefly dated a lass like that for a few months. When we were in a pub together, guys would hit on her all the time and even though she tried her best to conceal it, she really quite often flirted right back at them, with me within earshot or even right next to her. When I called her on it, she usually rolled her eyes and told me I was making myself look like an arse and that she was "just being nice".

She kept doing it and I kept complaining to her about it, so in the end we just went our separate ways again. She was no keeper, and apparently neither was I to her.

Sage for derailing the thread with my own nonsense.
>> No. 27827 Anonymous
30th November 2018
Friday 8:43 pm
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>>27825
>>27826

> Sage for derailing the thread with my own nonsense.

I hope we're not derailing the thread exactly. It is a massive red flag because if he's auto-pilot flirting with other guys with you sitting right there (and feeling trapped half way between storming off in a huff and ramming a pint glass into this other cunt's face), imagine what she's doing when you're not around.

I could tell you some stories about numbers and texts from people I'd never heard of, hurriedly hidden skype windows and all the rest but I won't because that would be derailing the thread.
>> No. 27828 Anonymous
30th November 2018
Friday 10:41 pm
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>>27827

Yes, I suppose there's "being nice", and there is actually making your boyfriend look bad and still feeling the need to gauge your appeal with other men.

"Being nice" is more like, "Thanks for offering me a drink, but I'm not sure my boyfriend here will be all to happy about it". And not, "You like my blue eyes you say? That's so cool, because yours look pretty handsome as well!"

OP is in a bit of a pickle here, granted. In the long run, he should ask himself if there isn't a third option for him. There should be plenty of lasses where he lives, who aren't half a world away but also don't put out when they are out with their fella.
>> No. 27829 Anonymous
30th November 2018
Friday 11:02 pm
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Bin off your job, get on a plane and go and wreck her dirtbox. Life's too short.
>> No. 28668 Anonymous
16th June 2019
Sunday 7:57 pm
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286682866828668
Lads - I come with an overdue update. I probably also need a sense check. Vitriol, disappointment or even just some pat on the back and a 'you made your bed' would be nice, even appreciated.

I took the cowards option by the way. I am heartless, I lack courage and I went with both. I'm disappointed in myself and sometimes feel a rush of guilt to the head, but then it subsides. I let the girl come and see me from holiday and manufactured some distance between me and the girl here so we didn't see each other that much.

Holiday girl came to visit, we hung out, it was a great fun and when holiday girl went to see friends elsewhere in the country, I would drop by with other girl to say hello and that was it.

Holiday girl went home, I had one very close shave where they caught wind of each other but I managed to diffuse it.

I carried on speaking and hanging out with both, one in person, one over the internet when she returned and acted like nothing was up.

Now is the time again for holiday girl to visit if we are realistically likely to keep this going. She is still, and always will be my ideal, but again I am no closer to being with her in any consistent capacity in person, although we vaguely talk about making a move to where she is.

The other girl can't understand my reluctance to make substantial plans, but she's lovely, getting better to be around and is actually nice.

I have to bin one off, commit to a plan with one this week, if I say no to holiday girl visiting it's over, if I say yes, I obviously have to say goodbye to the girl here. They both have unending patience for my sometimes Jekyll and Hyde attitude to life and them which comes from me having to balance them both. I can't pull off another visit without the other clocking on something is up. Time is up, the decision has to come.

I've not been happy in the UK for a while, not because of anything inherently wrong, just that I kind of am wondering what more is out there, and am tempted to try a new life somewhere where the rain and grey isn't everyday and think if worst comes to worst I just come back. The mundanity of getting a house, a mortgage and watching my days fritter away is not appealing at the minute but I appreciate there is some realism to that life.

On the flip side I have a decent job, I have a relatively decent social life and could just enjoy it, but I'm just not happy. Not in a 'I want to die kind of way', but just that there's a huge itch that I can't scratch and nothing really provides excitement to me and I'm starting to resent it more and more each month. I am pretty miserable most days, but there's nothing catastrophic enough to push me over the edge.

What should I do lads? Who do I choose?

A) Do I sack it all off, invite holiday girl back a second time and try and move to be with her and take the risk and hope it works out
or:
b) Do I just play the safe option and not be a dickhead who in his 20s throws away the start of a career for something that probably won't work and end up having to start again in a few years? Plus I keep the girl here who is okay too, but is happy with life as it is and would be fine with the mundane safe path?


I've completely fucked it, I know. Sorry for the absolute mess of a post.
>> No. 28669 Anonymous
16th June 2019
Sunday 8:36 pm
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>>28668
b) - but don't out with the non-holiday girl, you wouldn't be sniffing around holiday girl if you liked her enough, and compromising on that will rapidly breed resentment and what-if-onlys.
>> No. 28670 Anonymous
16th June 2019
Sunday 8:42 pm
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>>28669

So you're saying sack them both off and be alone? I may as well take the chance with one of em.
>> No. 28671 Anonymous
16th June 2019
Sunday 8:42 pm
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>>28668

Definitely B), career before fanny until you're at least 35. Unless you can find a good job opportunity wherever holiday girl lives? Then you get your cake and eat it.

But like the other chap says, you'll likely only ever see non-holiday as a compromise and that'll fizzle out anyway.

You sound young enough (and indecisive enough) that you'll have forgotten both of these girls in a handful of years. Please don't chuck anything away for either of them.
>> No. 28672 Anonymous
16th June 2019
Sunday 10:32 pm
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>>28670
That's exactly what I'm saying. Secretly you don't like either of them, otherwise you wouldn't be having such a quandary over it all.

When you find someone you really like, trust me, you'll know. Career is more important.
>> No. 28820 Anonymous
18th August 2019
Sunday 7:49 pm
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OP, if you're still around, I'd be interested to know how this situation turned out. I've found myself in a similar predicament and am totally lost on the best course of action. I do know I currently feel like shit and have started down that ugly path of lying about my whereabouts. I like them both, and I don't want to be (any more of) a scumbag. I've never been in this situation before -- what began as complacency is leading to active deception.

>>28672

This post has hit close to home with me and I'm questioning how much I really care for either of them. I really like them both, both would make rewarding relationships in their own right, but neither really seem to suggest any feasible long-term future.
>> No. 28821 Anonymous
18th August 2019
Sunday 8:14 pm
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>>28820

Well >>28672 has a rather naive concept of love. Love isn't some magical force compelling you to the right person to you unless you are a teenager consumed by hormones.
>> No. 28822 Anonymous
18th August 2019
Sunday 8:59 pm
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>>28821

I never once used the word 'love' in that post, but it's entirely feasible for an adult to like someone enough to not feel like they need to weigh them up against another.
>> No. 28823 Anonymous
18th August 2019
Sunday 9:06 pm
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>>28820

Somehow missed this, I rolled the dice and had holiday girl visit.

I'm still no closer to a decision, I'm still stuck mate. Sorry.

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