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>> No. 27877 Anonymous
27th December 2018
Thursday 10:59 pm
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The dad of one of my exes committed suicide on an afternoon a month ago. He hung himself in his shed in the back garden. His body was spotted by a gardener who was working in an adjacent back garden and very suddenly noticed a person dangling in mid-air through the shed's back window. The gardener then jumped over fences and hedges like mad and cut my ex's dad down and tried to resuscitate him, but it was too late, maybe just by a few minutes. The ambulance apparently arrived just moments later but all they could do was pronounce him dead.

What a horrible thing to witness.

Anyway, what my ex and I had was eons ago. We were each other's first love though, and although we were never again on speaking terms due to an immensely hostile breakup, there were times when very old mutual friends thought there was a chance for us to at least be in the same room with each other without shouting angry things at the other person. That all never materialised. Mainly because people like to gossip, but also because some two or three percent of me may still have cared about her, my attempts to then get back in touch with her were met with rejection and her worry that I still secretly wanted to have her back.

Why am I writing all this? Well, like my dad who also killed himself, her dad suffered from lifelong clinical depression. My dad was in and out of treatment until he did manage to take his own life, just like her dad the last couple of years if I understood correctly what our old mutual friends (now much more distant and really just old acquaintances to me) told me about all the recent events. So effectively she is in a similar position now as I am, which is that just like ours, her family is reduced to two people due to incredibly tragic events.

I had made my peace with probably never meeting her again. We live almost 100 miles apart now and it was unhealthy anyway to try to get in touch with somebody who had made it quite clear she wasn't interested. She is married now too, so in any case, there still would have been that to consider. And my main feeling towards her was probably not the hope that we would get back together, but feeling sorry about the way we broke up back in the day, because it was nearly all my fault.

But now I very genuinely just feel sorry for her because I know the kind of horror from first-hand experience that your dad's suicide can inflict on your family.

What do I do? Am I enough of a decent human being if I just keep her in my thoughts and think of what she, and her mum, must be going through at the moment? I'm not religious, so that's the best I can do in that way. Or should I let her know in a more direct way that despite me not being at the funeral or having sent my condolences, I am really quite shaken up for her?
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>> No. 27878 Anonymous
27th December 2018
Thursday 11:18 pm
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What's stopping you from doing the latter? Are you scared she'll fixate on you or what?
>> No. 27879 Anonymous
27th December 2018
Thursday 11:31 pm
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>>27878

I'm not sure if it's too much of an invasion into her life as it is nowadays. And she had made it pretty clear that she was not interested in getting back in touch with me on other occasions.

And so now naturally I worry that even something like a letter with a card could be misconstrued as me still trying to get in touch with her again and ignoring her wishes to the opposite.
>> No. 27880 Anonymous
27th December 2018
Thursday 11:57 pm
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She's got enough on her plate right now and at this point you barely know her much less have an exact idea of what she's going through. Unless your cock is a magic wand it's best to leave it at a thought of wishing her the best and getting back to your own business.
>> No. 27881 Anonymous
27th December 2018
Thursday 11:59 pm
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>>27878
A letter is inherently melodramatic in today's world and reeks of being from one of those people who makes a death all about themselves.
>> No. 27882 Anonymous
28th December 2018
Friday 12:15 am
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>>27880

My first reaction was indeed that I had no right to just barge into her life, out of nowhere for all intents and purposes, at a moment that was about mourning the tragic death of a very close family member. And not about all of a sudden an old boyfriend making himself noticed, who might entertain the misplaced idea that it was a decent thing to do to express my condolences in writing.

I understand that fully, and that's why I actually didn't send my condolences. But then again part of me is really shaken up about this, both because my own dad killed himself, so it kind of hit close to home, and because I actually really liked her dad back in the day.

This thread is probably going to amount to little more than mental shadow boxing without any real world consequences, but I value your perspectives on the issue, .gs. That's why I posted it.
>> No. 27884 Anonymous
28th December 2018
Friday 1:04 am
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It sounds like you want to contact her to comfort yourself in some way, be it to express something about your own father to her, to talk to her again, or simply to feel better about yourself for sending your condolences to her. This is not a good idea.

If you're 100% sure your condolences will actually console her, then go ahead. If you're just wanting to have a teary together with her about your sad lives, just so you can wallow for a bit with her, then please leave well alone. That's the impression I'm getting from the way you're writing.

The normal, baseline response would be to send a bereavement card to her (her family). If she has any interest in talking to you at that point, then she will.
>> No. 27886 Anonymous
28th December 2018
Friday 1:52 pm
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>>27884

I'm just kind of caught between the idea that it's a decent thing to do to express your condolences to the family of somebody you used to know on the one hand, and the realisation on the other hand that the door to my ex was shut years ago, and that this is possibly the least appropriate kind of time to reopen that door. If that would ever be a good idea in the first place.

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