I think this has been going on for almost four years now, since my missus was pregnant; I believe that's what triggered it rather than the underlying reason as I've had a vasectomy so I shouldn't have to worry about having more kids. I have suffered from performance anxiety in the past, being so focused on ensuring my sexual partner is enjoying it to enjoy it myself; I know I'm a worse shag since this started but I doubt it's related to this. I was sexually abused as a child but I highly doubt it's to do with this. However, I don't know what else it could be; porn?
I still get urges and I act on them, but it just feels very mechanical and like I'm flushing that out of my system.
There's probably more arguing at home than I'd like to admit, which I've chalked up to having small children so less sleep and very little downtime putting us on edge, but other than that I've no complaints.
Okay, I often fantasise about my missus and the kids all dying in a car crash or something so I can start all over again. Sometimes it's just her dying and me making do looking after the kids with the life insurance money.
That can't be healthy, but I feel like I'm trapped by having kids too young but there's nothing I can do about it other than make the best of it.
You sound like you are suffering with a spot of depression. That almost always kills my sex drive, in the same mechanical way you describe- I still bash one out to sort out the morning glory but I feel like I'm dealing with a biological annoyance rather than indulging my desires. (Me and my last partner had great big arguments about it because she was an insensitive bitch who insisted it was because I was cheating on her and not depression.)
I think it's fairly common in younger men who feel they've been pushed into the whole family man role. Post-natal depression is well known in mothers but very little is said of fathers, who are simply expected to step up and get on with it.
It's okay to feel a small degree of resentment, but there are probably healthier ways to accept and make peace with the course your life has taken. I think if you get to the root of that you'll find your chap becoming much more eager again.
