[ rss / options / help ]
post ]
[ b / iq / g / zoo ] [ e / news / lab ] [ v / nom / pol / eco / emo / 101 / shed ]
[ art / A / beat / boo / com / fat / job / lit / map / mph / poof / £$€¥ / spo / uhu / uni / x / y ] [ * | sfw | o ]
logo
problems

Return ]

Posting mode: Reply
Reply ]
Subject   (reply to 28484)
Message
File  []
close
01_Literal-Map-Of-Great-Britain_UK-777x1024.jpg
284842848428484
>> No. 28484 Anonymous
10th May 2019
Friday 6:45 pm
28484 spacer
How do I improve my social skills?

I am absolutely terrible at talking to new people and building up a rapport with them. More often than not if a stranger tries talking to me then my mind will go blank so I'll probably laugh or smile and say "yeah", killing the conversation dead. It isn't shyness or anything like that; my mind literally goes blank and I cannot think of a single thing to say. I guess I'm not quick-witted or good at thinking on my feet.

I've no problem with having conversations with friends or work colleagues, although I'm much better talking in a group than one-to-one, which may be a comfort zone thing. My girlfriend has the ability to strike up a conversation with just about anyone she meets, which seems completely alien to me.

My lack of social skills have hampered me in my career so far and I imagine they will continue to do so unless I do something. Thinking about it, I think I've picked it up from my Dad so this is probably number #694 on the list of how I'm slowly turning into him.
Expand all images.
>> No. 28485 Anonymous
10th May 2019
Friday 7:12 pm
28485 spacer
I'm quite a reserved person too and have spent quite a lot of time trapped in awkward silences, particularly in my teens. I had quite low confidence, though, and as it grew, I found that conversation prompts would just pop into my mind without me really thinking about it. I believe I was just a bit too afraid of saying something daft in the past that I just froze up. Now that I no longer give a shit, I'll say (almost) anything that comes into my mind.

The thing that most helped me engage and build rapport with people better was some very simple advice I was once given - just ask people questions. Just about everyone's favourite subject is themselves, so just ask them something, let them answer, then ask them something else off the back of that, and so on. People will talk to you FOREVER about themselves and go away thinking you're amazing, despite all you really did was prompt them to talk about their life.

If you're confidence is fine, and you really just can't think of stuff to say, I'd suggest practising on soft targets. Go sit near and old person at a bus stop or park bench - they will talk the ears off you and will probably not even really care what you say to them as long as they get to talk - this is probably a good thing to do in general anyway as a lot of these old folks are just plain lonely, but it'll certainly allow you to practice.

If all else fails, just talk about the weather?
>> No. 28486 Anonymous
10th May 2019
Friday 9:42 pm
28486 spacer

coaching-others-using-active-listening-skills-cent.jpg
284862848628486
>>28484
Social skills aren't about how you talk - they're about how you listen. Empathy is a key skill that you need to develop to have relationships with others; you don't need to agree, or even like, people you have empathy with.

The best skill you can learn to be better socially is called Active Listening - it's actually a key part of therapy, and negotiation at work. You must concentrate and listen (not speak!) to others and try and reflect and speak back what they are saying. It's actually very easy to hold an engaging conversation with someone, even if you disagree and hate what they're saying.

tldr: shut the fuck up - social skills are made of how you listen to people, not about what you say.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_listening
>> No. 28487 Anonymous
11th May 2019
Saturday 8:11 am
28487 spacer
>>28486
>>28485

I agree, people love the sound of their own voice, but nobody ever listens to them because they nothing interesting or useful to say. Just nod, pretend to listen and not fall asleep, that's more than enough for them. They won't listen to anything you will say anyway. If you need some conversation topics just watch some shitty TV series, many people live like battery hens and the only interesting things they see are on the TV.

I don't understand why you would bother with this. 95% of the people you meet have nothing original or useful to say. They could be replaced by a Facebook chatbot and nobody would notice.
>> No. 28495 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 11:35 pm
28495 spacer
>My girlfriend has the ability to strike up a conversation with just about anyone she meets, which seems completely alien to me.

Well you have a girlfriend, so your social skills can't be that desperately poor. Unless your girlfriend is a complete sperg, it's nigh on impossible as a lad to get a girl without at least some baseline social skills. So you've got that going for you.

Social awkwardness with strangers is a trait that can be very difficult to break, but it can be done. Maybe by asking yourself for starters, just what is it that makes you so afraid to talk to strangers? Do you think you will behave awkwardly around them, or do you think they will secretly laugh about you behind your back when you're done?

None of that is likely going to happen. Somebody who is very aware of himself and overthinks the way he acts in front of other people like you seem to do is in fact much more likely to actually leave a pleasant impression.

As some general advice, there's a brilliant bit by Simon Amstell on social shyness that's probably going to help you. From 43:48 -


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4mH6E0hMbI
>> No. 28496 Anonymous
14th May 2019
Tuesday 11:50 pm
28496 spacer
>>28495

Is he referring to before he was a TV presenter? because Popworld went completely shit after he left and so did the one he did on Nickelodeon. I don't know what happened with Buzzcocks; I haven't seen it in years. It seems odd a great TV presenter would be socially awkward.
>> No. 28497 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 12:31 am
28497 spacer
>>28496

>It seems odd a great TV presenter would be socially awkward.

Amstell on Popworld was weaponised awkwardness - it was compelling TV precisely because Amstell asked all the wrong questions and said all the wrong things. The things that made him entertaining would be absolutely intolerable in real life.



More broadly, a lot of performers really struggle in normal social situations. They're OK in front of a camera, because it's not really them, it's just a character they're playing. They're OK with an audience, because that's just a sea of anonymous faces. Some of them are fine at a showbiz party, because that's just an extension of performance, they're just holding court.

What they struggle with is the back-and-forth of real interactions, the vulnerability that's involved in making a meaningful connection with someone. They perform precisely to compensate for that lack of connection. Rejection from strangers doesn't feel acutely real, because they don't hate you, they just hate your act. You can always come back next time with a load of new material and bring the house down. If you get famous enough, you never have to be yourself, because everyone already knows the persona you've created. The problem is that love from strangers doesn't feel real either, but it's a tolerable substitute sometimes.
>> No. 28499 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 6:15 pm
28499 spacer
>>28497

Simon Amstell is the only thing in that clip that doesn't seem like contrived insanity.

I don't even know where to begin deconstructing what's wrong with bringing along 4 mute motionless Japanese people along to an interview.
>> No. 28500 Anonymous
15th May 2019
Wednesday 6:41 pm
28500 spacer
>>28499
They do move a bit and I bet they're not really mute.
>> No. 28501 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 7:19 am
28501 spacer
>>28500

Well you certainly put me in my place.
>> No. 28502 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 10:05 am
28502 spacer
>>28501
Might not even be Japanese either!
>> No. 28503 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 11:10 am
28503 spacer
>>28502

Well they say they are are. Now you are just presupposing dishonesty in Gwen.

Return ]
whiteline

Delete Post []
Password