|>>|| No. 28870
Sorry for adding this short fucking novel to the spate of recent /emo/ posts, particularly one with such a similar problem to otherlad, but I’m >>28820 and this problem is at a crossroads.
No excuses for my behaviour, but the story goes:
I started dating Girl A and things were a bit tepid. We had some nice dates but things weren't getting much beyond platonic. After a couple of weeks of not meeting, Girl B happened to move to a nearby town, someone I’d mingled with in the past and wanted to ask out two years earlier, but our jobs separated us before I had the chance. We met to catch up, and I felt a strong attraction. I visited her over a couple of weekends and things really click, we had some nice long discussions about life, and we had sex.
This is where things get bad. During one of my visits, Girl B looks through my phone while I’m taking a shower, finding messages from Girl A. I explain the situation – that things never really came together with Girl A – and while she’s understandably upset, she apologises for looking through my phone. We put it down to bad timing, and admitted that while the distance made things a bit complicated, we agreed a train journey to spend weekends together is a small price to pay and that it was still worth pursuing.
Girl A figured out something is up when our messaging cooled off. She asked me if there’s anything I want to tell her, and I tried to do the honourable thing. I told her about Girl B. She became angry – I replied that I like her but it wasn’t really clear that there was attraction between us. It could be that we’re different in how we express things. She assured me she that the "signs were there", and asks if we can’t “see where things go without any external interference".
If I were a better person I’d have said no… but I didn't, and Girl B then began to open up. We met up and did some outdoorsy activities, had fun, bonded a bit. We started sharing a bit more of our lives. She eventually offered to cook for me at her flat and I stayed the night. This led to my current situation. I see Girl A once or twice a week the evenings, rarely staying over but sometimes having sex, and I take a train to see Girl B and stay with her every other weekend or so.
I do feel immense guilt, and I know in the back of my head that I’m really sabotaging both. Things have been dragging on like this for a while, two or three months. Combined with money troubles and the fact I'm balancing a ludicrous workload (two part time jobs, odds and ends, organising a big career-related move, and full-time study), this has caused a lot of stress. I feel like I'm living a double/triple life. I want a clear conscience without causing unnecessary hurt.
Actually deciding what to do:
Girl A has a shared love of music, cinema, nature, animals, cutesy stuff. She lives just a few minutes away. She's got an extremely dry sense of humour, to the point where I sometimes find it hard to tell if she's joking. I think she uses humour to hide real emotional expression. She's reserved, but can become very warm when she feels it. Though I find her very attractive, our sex together has undergone a bit of a learning curve. She is kind-hearted and has cheered me up in some rough moments, but I still sense distance there. She's expressed doubts over our long-term viability due to being at 'different stages' of our lives. I think she wants to settle in this city, while I'm planning to continue moving around.
Girl B is goofy, passionate, open to a fault, and seems eager to embrace me as a long-term partner. We talk about academia, politics, career, family. We're extremely physically compatible, affectionate, and sex has been effortlessly good. She's open to being with me despite the distance and the fact my career will require me to move about unpredictably. On the other hand, she has become quite emotionally volatile and vindictive during a couple of nasty arguments over silly things, which I'm still uneasy about. Another not-insignificant factor is that I'm spending a small fortune on train tickets at a time when I can't afford it, though she has been generous enough to host me, feed me, and take me out while I'm there.
It seems like both would make viable but flawed relationships. I also have to consider the fact that both are sweet people that don't deserve to be strung along this way.
I'm aware I've fucked up and been deceptive/selfish in getting to this point. But where do I go from here? What's the best course of action?