|>>|| No. 29003
I am constantly angry. I think it's a response to stress, anxiety, and sometimes disappointment. I've put in non-stop effort towards some big goals. Very rarely, it pays off, but more often it doesn't.
Recently I've been so run down that I'm starting to get stomach cramps. A few weeks ago, I followed a car around a corner and down the road because it beeped at me at a pedestrian crossing. Honestly I just wanted to throttle the driver. I'm losing my sense of humour. I'm becoming very cold towards others, and I don't feel fit to socialise. Work colleagues have begun asking me if I'm okay. I've picked up an old habit of shouting in the shower, and occasionally when I'm trying to go to sleep.
I do already have physical outlets like exercise, but I have a habit of overdoing it, especially during frustrating periods. I already have minor shoulder and elbow injuries from these last few months. I also don't know if it's a good idea to continue piling on cortisol -- exercise is another form of stress after all.
I feel like I need to recover, and for someone to care. But no one does. This is all private, and people would think I'm crazy or unstable if I bring up how I'm really feeling. People only care about your external performance. And no one cares whether you succeed or fail, or the effort you're putting in. They only care about the finished package.