>>27633
>who really know their shit
This was bad and you should feel bad.

I decided to make myself some carbonara, and because I'm an idiot and it was 2am, I dropped the yolks into the pan at the end.

So now it's all curdled, it's like eating a spaghetti omelette. I'm annoyed with myself and a bit ashamed.

>>27636
Aren't you meant to add the eggs into the pan at the end? Obviously whilst it's off the heat so they simply cook through rather than frying.

I've been properly setting up some turntables for someone (calibrating speed, tracking force, anti-skate, balance, etc). I decided to do a little research first into it all, having never really used a turntable past my mum's old Waltham one, and the amount of shite online from vinyl enthusiasts is infuriating. Talking about the "metallic" sound of digital, how vinyl is "warmer", and all this other snake oil shit.

Most albums recorded post-1980 were recorded and/or mastered digitally anyway, so you're just listening to digital sound impressed on an analogue medium, anyway.

On the other hand, people buy into vinyl for the sake of it, buying the cheapest, shittiest turntables (a la Crosley Cruiser), which sound like fucking shit - so what's the point? Just get a decent pair of headphones and download some V0 MP3 and it'll sound ten times better than a ceramic stylus through the cheapest possible speakers.

That, and how fucking expensive it is.

>>27634
>fisherman's breakfast
Name that (hypothetical) wordfilter.

>>15909

I believe ya m56

CHINNY

>>15907

>but the lobster had laid eggs inside her which had hatched and the baby lobsters were making their way out.

Kind of unlikely. Lobster eggs need a steady supply of fresh oxygen to live. And they need to be immersed in water constantly so they won't dry out. Even if you accept that the moist environment inside a vagina will prevent the lobster eggs from drying out, there still isn't much oxygen constantly coming in from the outside.

So I call BS on that one.

If lobsterlet blood has more affinity for oxygen than people blood, won't it just work, snaffling oxygen from its surroundings? IIRC, lobsters don't use proper haemoglobin, they've got some other stuff, so it might go that way? Or, given the size, won't it just diffuse in?
I think I'd worry more about temperature than oxygen.
Not that this story doesn't reek of BS.

>>15907
I heard that one too. Belongs in the realm of taking acid and turning into an orange or glass of orange juice. Wonder what makes certain urban legends stick around and others not.

>>15912

>I think I'd worry more about temperature than oxygen.

That, too. Temperatures inside the uterus should be pretty close to a human body's normal core temperature, and lobsters usually live in temperate waters that don't go much above 20-24 °C. At least not the familiar North Atlantic species that you get to buy in stores most of the time. Maybe some tropical species exist that can handle water temperatures of 30 °C, but again... a lady's private parts just don't seem like a good environment for lobster eggs to develop.

>>61626
>THE RATIO BETWEEN HUMANS AND TAPE MEASURES IS A 1:1 UNIVERSAL CONSTANT. EVEN WHEN HUMANS WERE SHORTER IN THE PAST THEY WERE STILL THE SAME HEIGHT, AND WHEN THE UNIVERSE TEARS IT SELF APART AND WE ARE 5 MILES TALL, WE WILL STILL ONLY BE THE SAME HEIGHT.

Have you ever heard of a thing called compound growth?

Is that a disembered penis being winched up? Some pun on block & tackle?

>>61627

I have, have you ever heard of a fish called Wanda?

>>61629
I have. Have you ever heard of a town called malice?

>>61630

I have, have you ever heard of a crazy little thing called love?

Put the metropolitans in a gulag run by Anjem Choudary

>>420564
I create[d] a lot of the threads on here. The main reasons I've slowed down over the years are because these days I mainly post on a phone and rarely use a computer in my free time and also because I'm reading the Mail a lot less, so I have far fewer ideas of things to shitpost about.

Enforce the will of A11ah and allow us to beat our wives for disobedience

Men are in charge of women by [right of] what A11ah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what A11ah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, A11ah is ever Exalted and Grand.

(A good day to you Sir!)

>>420589
Dodging wordfilters is haram.

>>420590

>Dodging wordfilters is haram.


Well it certainly isn't kosher.

OP here.
I didn't see what she did to the dog, so was relying on what she told me, in her pissed off state.
In calmer circumstances, she said she caught him, brought him home, smacked his arse, and that was it. I'd say that was the wrong order, at the least, but it wasn't what I'd been imagining.
Puppy is seriously fine. Curled up with her on the sofa watching some bollocks or other on telly. He's not traumatised, still loves us both, like only a 6 month puppy can.
He now goes to daycare on days when I'm not working from home, so she doesn't get ratty about being disturbed all the time. He _loves_ daycare. Things are good.
I was a tad low when I posted, and it probably shows in the posting.

Also - I did read all the replies, and the cuntoff.
It was reassuring.
When alien zombies land and start sucking brains and laying waste to the planet, I shall expect the same.

Absolutely no need to strike a dog for such things.

She's a mentalist and you're a wimp beating around the bush.

>>27410

It still seems like a red flag to be so pissed off at an innocent creature. If she doesn't understand the puppy's not trying to personally offend her, then I can't imagine her being great at human empathy either.

Yeah, life's not perfect - nor's she, nor am I.
There's no more accusing the dog of deliberately pissing her off, and, because (sane) reasons, I believe she really believes this.
We muddle on, and life's pretty good for all of us. Lots of other things to worry about, but this, I think, has passed.

Wow OK, so you'll just unceremoniously delete my post and start your own thread, then. That's how things are done now.

>>22464
Are you referring to your limp wristed "I-I don't want bother anyone, but..." post in a completely unrelated thread that someone replied to calling you a nonce for making?

The GoT one was the only one I played and I was severely disappointed that pic related and Margery Tyrell weren't Lesbos, which would have definitely made them an extra few quid from me to buy the second season.

Never played one of them and didn't really see the appeal. From what my friends tell me, the choices you do get to make never make much difference to the actual outcome, it just changes a few names and faces. As somebody's already said, I can't see what you're gaining over just watching it on Youtube.

It was obviously the kind of hype and momentum bubble that was going to burst eventually. See also: Battle royale games. Two or three years from now we'll be saying "Hey, remember Fortnite? What happened to that?"

>>22467

I think Fortnite is the WoW of this generation, PUBG being generally shit and the like of Activision and EA jumping on the bandwagon will see a few high profile flops in the genre, but Fortnite will survive. The amount of MMOs that tried to catch lightning in a bottle and emulate WoW and failed is astronomical. Yet it survives.

Telltale should have let other companies join the market space so that they could have shown they were the place to go to get your PAC fix, but instead they took on to much and most likely undercut other companies at a loss to monopolise the market and failed as a result.

>>22457
Jesus christ, OP.

>>22457
Hah yes thanks.

>>22458
On her IMDB it's listed as "BBC Comedy Feeds (TV Series)" and searching for Vodka Diaries just shows https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6275262

>>22459
Don't think I didn't go to her imdb page first to know you're now telling porkies (at least by omission).

And it definitely comes up in search as well. You just had to click "See all results".

>>22456
Can definitely recommend this if you're holding off on watching it. It's got some scenes in it that'll make anyone who's posted in the resting actors thread feel distinctly uncomfortable, which is a credit to the writing.

>>22461
Why would I click see all results when it doesn't come up under its own name? Anyway it's found now.

>>420583
Nightclubs were infinitely better before the smoking ban.

>>420578

Bit lower working class though. I grew up in the 80s as well and we had hot showers every morning, and could take hot baths whenever we felt like it.

The only time our parents would get a little upset was when we took overly long showers and were told to stop wasting water. The same applied when we wanted to take a full bath instead of a shower every day or every other day.

>>420578
This post has actually reminded me of some of the less than luxurious living conditions we had when my insane dad chucked us all out when I was a wee lad. I remember living in a particularly shitty bedsit for a few months where the avocado green shower didn't work properly, must've been in the early 90s. As I was only small it was more than enough for me to wash my bits over a washing up bowl full of hot water out the kettle and then wash my face and brush my teeth etc. in the sink. I think I remember worrying about going to school like that thinking that people would be able to smell that we didn't have a proper bathroom anymore but no one really noticing. It also didn't have a washing machine and my mum, God bless her, washed all our clothes in the kitchen sink and then put them through some kind of manual clothes spinny machine that looked like a pedal bin to get the water out before hanging them all from the doorways to dry. Mums, eh? They really do hold the world together when you're young don't they. Go ring your mum and tell her you love her.

>>420586
Not if they die.

&list=PL6_qhP3eWX5PCMJBXGm8bAl0nZz4B1JH5

>>420566

Piece of piss then.

Why would I rent I chainsaw? I've got plenty...
While I'm pretty gung ho about taking trees down, these are outside my comfort zone. They're big, and will drop onto a road that has real traffic, or wipe out buildings and fences, depending on which way they go.
I'd have to climb them and do them in sections, and I'm not a creature of the air.
For scale, the fence is 6 foot, the green tarp thing is the remains of my woodshed, and the fallen branch managed to hit the building on the left on its way down.

There's only one man you require for all your tree surgery needs.

Was up a mountain once. with a heavy pack having to crawl on the ground to avoid being blown around like a crisp packet, digging fingers into rock trying not to die in 60mph winds.

Was fucking mint.

I once farted in the Sussex countryside and brought down a small copse.

>>420420
Then it's even more interesting.
This piece of land is not in the EU. Probably means that whoever was barmy enough to buy an RX8 here is going to be fucked up royally sooner or later.
But then again, perhaps I am mistaken and because of some bloody miracle there is a place around proficient enough to deal with rotary engines. Anyway I doubt that.

>>420443

>perhaps I am mistaken and because of some bloody miracle there is a place around proficient enough to deal with rotary engines. Anyway I doubt that.

It's certainly possible. If you're in some post-soviet part of the world, it'd not be as surprising, since Lada did make rotary cars for a while - whether or not anyone is still interested in maintaining them, who knows, but a place tooled out to fix those could service an RX8, even if it's the only one they've ever seen, it's still basically the same thing.

If you're anywhere else, fuck knows.

All this talk of Mazda, and I completely forgot that they did showcase an RX9 concept a couple of years ago, and told us it was going to be in full production. I'll probably end up buying one, despite the risks.

>>420447
> If you're in some post-soviet part of the world
Yes.
I've never heard about a rotary engine Lada IRL though. Read about one, right. But that's the only amount of exposure I've had to it.
I don't recall how many of them were made and how good or bad the engine was. My father has a load of old Soviet car magazines in his garage, maybe I'll flick through them for information.
> RX9 concept
I've seen only a few pics and quite unsure if those were even real. Strongly resembled Mazda6 from the front.

Mango season is picking up. The Iranian greengrocer not far from here had good sized Brazilian mangoes today for £1.50 a piece. Fully ripe and fucking delicious.

I honestly don't know how they survive. They sell 40-pound watermelons for 8 quid a piece during the summer months, and now they've got some of the best mangoes I've seen in a long time for a quid and a half. Even my local M&S here rarely has mangoes this good.

Or maybe it is because they are fully ripe. Maybe the big chains don't buy up produce like this because of the limited shelf life. I'm indeed not sure the one I just had would have lasted much longer, because it really was at peak ripeness. Maybe my Iranian greengrocer gets them at a discount that way, from wherever it is that they get their groceries.

>>420251
@7:14 Those keys look like a bowl of cereal.

>>420517
What about if we send objects in a river of baked beans? Nature's bubble wrap.

>>420517

>and they have to explain why they're sticking a second needle in your spinal column.


I got various injections into my spinal column following a severe lumbar disc hernia.

One of the most fucking unpleasant experiences of my life. Not because it would have been painful, which it wasn't in all honesty. The injections felt like a mosquito bite on my skin at the most. But just the fact that somebody was poking around my spinal cord with a needle, plus having been made aware of the possible albeit quite rare consequences of a failed procedure.

So it was really more a psychological thing. Well and one time, the orthopaedic surgeon who was administering the injections actually did slip a little bit and got a little close to the nerve, which made my leg twitch in a very peculiar way and then it felt weird for about three or four hours after the procedure. He apologised but said the effect would only be temporary. Still a fucking unpleasant thing to go through. I think I had four injections in total over the course of about six weeks.

>>420516
The 0.1 percent is to account for user error.

Wait a minute, isn't this just the plot of Eraserhead?

>>420493
Just don't forget to turn off the poison sockets.

>>14385
Why won't you just link to it, you fucking twat.

>>14386
Why can't you read six posts back?

>>14386
>>14231

>>14387
Come on, lad. Let's not make .gs even more autistically insular than it already is.

>>14388
It's the Christmas cunt-off and is fairly friendly by our standards.

But agree entirely, obvs.

The certificate expired shortly before noon today.

>>5820
>if you're not, then getting your dick wet is likely not the remedy

This is such a crucial point. I had a mate who got himself sorted out and finally landed a proper girlfriend at the grand old age of 27 only to immediately destroy the relationship with all the insecurities and misery he had refused to deal with thus far because just hitting the gym for about a year was enough for him to superficially seem more 'normal'.

He wound up dropping out of uni (for the third time) and getting sectioned when it all fell apart because he simply wasn't equipped to deal with it emotionally.

>>5823
Wow, so there is someone in my socio-economic demographic worse off than me.

It's been done to death, but unless you're just looking for a bit of action, the best advice is going to be just be yourself. Exaggerate a little in the profile, and put a half-decent picture on it. If you're not that interesting, work on becoming more interesting, if only because you'll probably enjoy life a bit more in general. If you'rea bit of a cunt, work on being less of a cunt.

If you are just looking for some quick action, it may be easier to just pay a professional.

If you just fancy a laugh, go look up Super Seducer 2 on YouTube for some obvious advice, like don't say you'll cut her family into tiny pieces of she won't sleep with you. If you want to see the fragility of the PUA ego, I can heartily recommend the "call Mahmud" option.

>>5825
> If you want to see the fragility of the PUA ego, I can heartily recommend the "call Mahmud" option.
Can you elaborate on that? I can't even try to figure out what you're onto here.

>>5826

A secret ending of a game series that was widely panned by critics.

I honestly feel like the bloke is a lot more self-aware than anyone's giving him credit for. The game is pure cringe but I think he might know that.

>>27403

An obvious example would be my comment here: >>/b/420459. I'm not some kind of mathematical savant, I'm just bored enough to whip out a calculator to do some pizza-related sums. You'd have to be fucking mental to do that in a real conversation or a Whatsapp chat, but it doesn't seem totally unreasonable on a board as slow and spoddy as .gs.

It is pretty difficult to make a short, succinct post here. It feels like if you're putting in the effort to make a post, you may as well flesh the thing out. I

often find myself exploring every avenue of thought as I type out a post, and going back to re-structure and rephrase parts. Needless to say this is not something I'd do elsewhere, but it's part of what I find therapeutic about posting here. It's meditative, reflective almost.

I've often thought that the way I post here is comparable to what a diary would have been for people in the black and white days. You reflect and gather your thoughts, but with the added advantage that others can respond and give you different perspectives to consider. I try not to use the site as a blog, of course, but then again we have developed to a point that many posters will remember and pick up on things others have mentioned, even in some cases where they are not explicitly referring to it.

It has both benefits and drawbacks I suppose.

>>27405
>You'd have to be fucking mental to do that in a real conversation

I wish someone had told me this before.

>>27406

>I try not to use the site as a blog, of course, but then again we have developed to a point that many posters will remember and pick up on things others have mentioned, even in some cases where they are not explicitly referring to it.

This is very true. I've found I can genuinely identify certain posters just from the way they've written, even if they're not talking about something specific, and I'm sure I have my tells too. This familiarity is surely why I keep coming here, but it's also probably what puts newcomers off. I make a point to stay off /sentry/ until I've replied to posts, but when I do go on I'm almost always right about who I thought I was reading.

Maybe that's just me, though. I'd be curious to see if someone could intuit who I am from this post or point to another one of my posts, or if it's just my autism uniquely sharp powers of deduction.

>>27408
A few years back I realised I was quite easily traceable through always posting images relating to pretty much a single quite specific topic and made a conscious effort to save a wider variety of random crap into the junk folder on my desktop. It would be really obvious for example if the chap who constantly needs to be reminded not to forgive his abusive parents in /emo/ and always posts a picture of goulash and the lad posting in /A/ about hating every second of his life that he is sober and always posts a picture of goulash are probably the same bloke.

(Using my own issues as an example with a made-up image topic obviously)

It's important to bear these kinds of things in mind especially with social conservatism threatening to make a comeback in a big way. Simply the fact that I hate my parents would have been enough for them to completely destroy me until frighteningly recently. Lobotomised, electro-shock treatment, locked up and forgotten about forever. Be careful lads.

>>420399

Sometimes things that your body experiences during sleep can affect your dreams. Maybe you were lying on a sharp object like a needle or drawing pin or something.

A while ago, I had a dream that I was at a race track and heard the sound of roaring engines all around me. But then when I woke up, I noticed that there was a tree surgeon in the 60-foot birch tree right across the street from my bedroom window, taking off a few of the top branches with a chainsaw. The sound of the chainsaw must have caused me to dream that I was at that race track.

I went out for a walk with a couple of people I supposedly work with and one of them gave me a cig (I don't smoke IRL). When we got back I threw the cig in the bin without fully stubbing it out properly and it caught fire. I kept soaking towels in the sink and throwing them on the fire but it wouldn't go out. I had to interview a couple of people for jobs in the afternoon and I had to tell each of them "don't mind the bins" and play it off like having a bin on fire in your place of work was one of the most natural things in the world.

>>420483
>play it off like having a bin on fire in your place of work was one of the most natural things in the world.

Weirdly enough, I have worked in a place where bins catching fire because of dropped cigarette butts happened on a nearly weekly schedule. It smells fucking awful.

>>420483
Assuming it was a metal bin you should have just said "don't mind the incinerator, we take disposal of confidential documents seriously here at [company]" and seemed like one of those hyper-efficient professional types for whom a shredder just isn't good enough.

>>420485
It was a plastic bin and in the kitchen. Why I'd take job candidates through the kitchen is anyone's guess.

I can sort of understand why I had that dream; I'm a bit apprehensive about someone I have to interview next week because he's roughly double my age and he's got far more industry experience than I have. "Let's talk about what you were doing before I was even born."

>>420440

It only takes a couple of hours for a touch-typist to adjust to a new keyboard. I use a swanky mechanical keyboard on my desktop, but I'm only a few WPM slower on a moderately crappy laptop keyboard.

Personally, I think it's madness that schools spend so much time teaching handwriting, but touch-typing isn't on the national curriculum. I can't remember the last time I hand-wrote anything longer than a post-it note, but I spend the greater part of my working day typing. It staggers me that there are professional people who hunt-and-peck with two fingers - it seems like an absurd handicap in a modern office.

>>420441
People who work office jobs and "can't type" are willfully ignorant. If you can sit with a keyboard right in front of you for hours and hours every day for years and not know what it looks like then you should be on incapacity benefit.

>>420439

I don't really understand how anyone my age can't touch type. I've been sat at computers since I was about 10. Never had a single typing lesson, I've just done two decades of practice.

I'm not perfect, I don't use all ten digits, but I can touch type, and faster than my mother who was a trained typist.

>>420444

I wrote a 10,000 word graded paper in roughly 12 hours a couple of years go using between 4 and 6 digits, but I don't have to look which speeds up my typing greatly. Not exactly touch typing per se, but defo good enough.

My blind Gran is a trained touched typist, used to do data entry at a bank and uses a Braille keyboard and she is lightning. She can even do it on a laptop keyboard despite never having worked with one.

>>420445
You sure she's blind and she's not just getting a cheeky pension boost?

>>4234
You're a complete mong if you can't afford it. If you can, then go for it. You're asking the question like part exchange and go for something else is an option, so if you think you can upgrade to something in a better state of repair with its attendant lower maintenance costs then go for that.

>>4235
Yes the money isn't a problem really.
I'm just being a bit overly paranoid about finding that dealers will refuse to accept it in part exchange as it is, and other silly things.

The vans owner has agreed that there's no damage and is okay with it going unreported.

>>4236
So you are at fault but no harm done. If the other party is willing to drop it, then that's perfect. Look at the situation, if you are sure you fucked up, then that is what it is and good on the other side to let it go.

>>4236
Depends on the potential resale. If it's scrap anyway then they might take it, but if theres a chance they could make a few quid they might tell you to sod off without repairing it.

Most part-exchange cars end up at auction. The price the dealer offers you is partly based on what they think it'll sell for and partly a discount on the list price of the new car. As long as it's worth something, they'll take it as PX even if it's a bit tatty. They're usually more generous towards the end of the month, because they've got sales targets to meet.

It's also worth pointing out that you'll usually get a better deal by selling privately.

Get on with their life. That is trite, but you probably had a more precise question when you asked the one you did. Can you verbalise it?

I do what my people would
Because my people would
But only if my people could
I would if my people would

>>22418

We will all be deeply disappointed if you don't try to chat up Jenny Ryan.

>>22439

I bet she'd let a bloke piss in her arse

>>22439
It wasn't Jenny.

All that really happened was a bit of abuse on Twitter whilst it was airing, most of it seeming to come from the type of person who'd have a crazy clown as their profile picture, but it's water off a duck's back. My work colleagues had compiled the worst ones to share with me the following day.

>>22445 When was it shown? Which Chaser did you get?

>>22446
They've only been showing new episodes of series 12 since the start of this month. Not saying which Chaser because one of you moon ovens would probably be able to identify me from that information alone.

What was Lydon thinking, bringing all that weight on so early?

Thing about his Arsenal bag is, he always tries to walk it in.

WHAT'S MORE PUNK THAN GOING AGAINST EVERYONE'S EXPECTATIONS OF WHAT A PUNK IS SUPPOSED TO BE?

HE'S FIGHTING THE SYSTEM ALSO, BY BEING A CONSIDERABLE DRAIN ON IT WITH ALL HIS MEDICAL COMPLICATIONS

God save the cream
The full fat, i mean!