Strip yourself naked, cover yourself in butter and cough at a policeman.

Sorry about this lads, was in a fighting mood yesterday.

I actually love everyone.

>>65556
S'all right lad, it's pissin hot innit. We understand.

It's fine for me, live on the second floor on a road junction, plenty of air circulation. Have you considered spraying yourself with a mister?

>>437264
>Have you considered spraying yourself with a mister?

Aren't all the cottaging sites closed at the moment?

I've been lying under a tree all day.

We're nearly at the 10 year mark. Fishing and KFC outing anyone? Only 6 of us at once, mind.

>>437266
You shouldn’t tell porkies.

>>23755

Kind of a design problem really. You can't make the opening stages too easy or there's just really no gameplay to be had, most of the things that make it good are inherently tied to the way every moment is a perilous battle for survival when you start out.

Most stalker mods I've played (which as far as I can tell, is really where the DNA of this whole little survival genre niche comes from) have the same issue. It gets boring too quickly when you're geared up and nothing is a real obstacle any more. Everything that makes it compelling is the struggle early on, and things gradually getting easier. It always plateaus, and then there's nothing to keep it interesting.

Still trying to play Elite Dangerous. The suns are making my ship too hot and the combat is very boring with my puny starter lasers. I wish it wasn't a microtransactions and always online thing and I could just skip the boring stuff with a few console commands.

>>23755
Are you talking about the standalone or the ARMA2 mod? I only had the pleasure of playing the standalone 5 years ago and was quite disappointed. Friends have said they prefer the mod for stability, but I haven't looked at either in a while.

>>23755
The first 20 mins of every spawn is the hardest part. I've found that it is incredibly easy to survive, if you follow a few simple rules.

-Loot the rowboats in the vicinity of your spawn
-Kill Zombies, they drop food
-search every where, places you wouldn't expect spawn food
-don't sprint until you have a full energy meter
-Stay out of the rain

Your thirst and energy meters are starvation meters, really. If they aren't full, you're struggling. You can hold a significant amount more calories in you than the meter suggests, so you should eat and drink till you're full (stomach icon).

It rains more now, so planting seeds is more viable and cooking tomatoes and storing them in you jacket and jeans will let you walk about in the rain without getting the flu or becoming hypothermic, for very little space.

Head towards farm buildings and follow the sounds of bleating/mooing, to find animals. Those noises aren't ambient, there is always an animal to be consumed. Use the iZurvive app to see where domesticated farm animals spawn, you can walk right up to them and bonk them with an axe and they drop fat, which if you bake in a pot with no water gives you 1500 calories and anything else you cook with it gets a boost from being "fried" although they haven't added this distinction into the game yet, it still says baked.

Message too long. Click here to view the full text.

>>23758
The standalone version of DayZ got ported into a new engine before the 1.0 release of the game, so it's missing some of the features from the 0.63 days, but runs a lot smoother.

It's still DayZ though, the netcode is a nightmare. Server desyncs still happen regularly and you have to relog to resync yourself.

The engine DayZ is currently running in is what ARMA 4 is going to be built in, so DayZ will benefit from patches after ARMA 4 is released to add in functionality like helicopters and planes which up until now they hadn't worked out. It's interesting that the mod, which led to Dayz Standalone, ended up being the alpha build for the next ARMA.

I play far too much DayZ, in case it wasn't already glaringly obvious.

>>29667

But I'll have the bonus of feeling smug when she begs me to stop.

>>29668

Odd that you'd feel smug when she says 'please stop, you're embarrassing yourself'.

Some sensation has come back and I can cum quicker now though orgasms are muted. It may get better with time.

>>29682 The human body is a wonderful thing. You should probably stop fucking with yours...

>>29683

Nah, next thing up is self-circumcision. I'm developing a device that will cut off the skin exactly where I want.

>>29675

A first interview for therapy sessions. They provide free therapy paid for by the gov’t if you are employed.

The Able Futures service is funded by the DWP, not your employer. The service is completely confidential and you don't even have to tell your employer that you're using the service. They will only break that confidentiality if you disclose that you have committed or intend to commit a violent or sexual crime.

https://able-futures.co.uk/mental-health-support-for-individuals/

>>29678

Alas, the Able Futures ended up being completely worthless. I have to save my penny and pay for a private therapist. Shame on me for assuming that there was such a thing as free mental healthcare. In picture, me.

>>29684
I don't know what the provision is like in your area, but both myself and my partner got mental healthcare through the NHS through referral from a GP. Long wait times, but they offered an 8 week course of talking therapy which I guess could be helpful if your mental health issues aren't too bad.

>>29685

I guess it depends on the area. When I tried they took about one year to call back. At that point I was going to move out of the area soon.

>>5221
It's part of the advertising package for posters here. You'll get a cycle of Big Huel, Big Exercise and Big Supplement for a while.

That's week one done. I found myself doing dumbbell exercises afterwards today because you've got me paranoid I'll end up looking like a T-Rex.

Two weeks done. My thighs are noticeably bigger, if nothing else.

>>5221

>I keep getting ads for workout apps on YouTube, what's going on?

Dunno m8, maybe all the gyms are shut for some mad reason.

POOL'S CLOSED DUE TO 'RONA

Bought myself some 2kg dumb bells.

Hope I don't turn out like any of the lads in the OP.

>>13329
Polish 'majo' is way better than the shite over this side of Europe anyway. Get yourself some of the Winiary stuff in your world foods aisle. That said, it's probably because it comes with mustard already in it.

>>13331
I often find the world section has decent alternatives to well known brands but I wonder if the standards are there. GMOs, animal welfare, etc.
The logo looks suspiciously like Maggi's, but according to wikipedia they're unrelated.

>>13332

>>13332
>The logo looks suspiciously like Maggi's
Is your name Dominic Cummings?

Japanese mayonnaise is really quite spectacular, Kewpie is the brand you'll most likey find over here.

It goes without saying that better eggs and bread will also help your sarnie along. The former perhaps not as important once smothered in mayo.

>>5589

The price is right. Isn't like they are being delusional with their value.

>>5593
The elephant squirting a rainbow out of its trunk haunts me.

>>5594
The cow might be passable with larger brush strokes.

>>5589
Some of these aren't half bad.

Probably because of covid this is the first time she's picked up a pen in years, she just needs to avoid the childish and cartoony animal pics, and focus on the landscapes and the more abstract stuff like the giraffe and cow in these ones: >>5594

The price for the better ones is fine as long as those frames are included.
Anyway at the end of the day art is worth what people will pay for it, I'd rather have one of these on display in my house than the tacky mass-produced prints they sell in shops like the Range for twice the price.

Got a link? I wonder if she'd have a go drawing my fursona smashing Judy Hopps up the wrong 'un in the ZPD locker rooms.

Sounds like you need to get a bucket to shit in.

m8 what is wong with you? Shit in the shower like the rest of us.

You mean you don't put down a carefully layered support structure out of toilet paper before you unload?

Stops splashback and allows you to examine your work.

Rather that than turds too big to flush. I never shit at someone else's house for this reason.

I am, why can't it be embedded everywhere?

You bastard, I clicked on the image to close the reply box I thought had popped up.

Get your pencils out, lads. Vorderman has started teaching maths online:

&

It's for ages 4-12 years but I reckon we could give those kids are run for their money on the medal count if we all work together.

>>65201
4-12 years? I could probably finish all the sums in that video in 9 months tops

Fucking hell I went on her twitters to see if she'd been posting any pics of her accentuating her breasts but she's just sharing pictures of kids doing her maths thing. Nobody wants to see that.

>>65201

VORDERMAN'S GAMMY EYE IS REALLY FREAKING ME OUT IN THAT THUMBNAIL.

She's finally at it again.

>>437242
I think it's like the rats appearing everywhere - there must be some reason to do with lockdown that they are appearing.

Also, it must be flying ant day soon - the fucking bastards!
LADS WAR IS COMING

Less disturbed grass that can hold standing water, less air pollution, more mosquitoes.

Fewer restaurants chucking out food, rats come looking for food near your house.

Just a theory anyway.

>>437244 Around here, it rained an absurd amount over the winter, and barely froze. It then snapped into a continuous dry spell, so there's a fair amount of warm standing water, that hasn't been refilled / overtopped, ideal mozzie territory. The lack of frost may account for some of the extra rats. It's like bloody watership down here, baby bunnies everywhere, which I suspect is related to the warm winter not killing enough of them off. They're cute, but the fuckers eat everything.

>>8941

It looks like you've got an older type of handlebar stem called a quill stem. Accu will sell you a replacement bolt for a couple of quid if you can figure out what size you need, but a new stem will only set you back about £15.

https://www.accu.co.uk/en/159-cap-head-screws

https://www.sjscycles.co.uk/stems/humpert-cattube-1-inch-quill-stem-254mm-clamp-blacksilver-40mm-height-230mm/

>>8941
I can't quite tell what sort of stem that is, can you post a pic from the side?

I think it's what's called a quill stem, it might be easier buying a whole new one than trying to get a new bolt.
Or alternatively you can get a convertor like below, then you would also need to get a new stem to go with it.
https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/BLACK-STEM-CONVERTER-1-Forks-22-2m-QUILL-to-1-1-8-28-6mm-AHEAD-Bike-Bicycle/382585070775?hash=item5913d8e4b7:g:qIQAAOSwwghdVpSU

>>8942

If you're on a tight budget, you can get a Chinesium stem for six quid on eBay.

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/80MM-HYBRID-TOWN-BIKE-BICYCLE-QUILL-STEM-1-BLACK-NEW-FREE-P-P/274286279050

>>8944
Ordered this (the bike is barely worth anything), will let you know how I get on.

Cheers lads.

>>8945

>Cheers lads.

Chads.

>>15347
>BTW fuck webp it's entirely useless.

It's a pretty good alternative to animated gifs, which are a bizarre inefficient dinosaur of a format.
But for stills though, yes it's utterly pointless. There's an argument that they save a bit of space when compared to an equivalent quality .jpg, but it's spare change in an age where every other website is packed full of autoplay videos.

>>15349

Up until now I had assumed it was just some sort of image format DRM that stops me being easily able to save images off Google to repost on imageboards.

>>15350

I'm not a computer magician but I think the only thing preventing them from working on Brian would be one line of code that contains the valid file types it will let you upload. Brian doesn't need to be able to decode the image itself, because that's done on our end in the browser, and that shouldn't be a problem for anyone who's updated their browser in the past 5-10 years.

Regarding DRM on images, one thing I've found that many websites do, either intentionally or otherwise, to stop people from being able to save images is to hide the image itself underneath a transparent layer so right clicking doesn't let you save the image. There is a workaround although it can be a bit of a pain in the backside, in Chrome, right click on the image and click "inspect", and using that function you can break the page down and find the url to the actual image.

>>15351

*I just thought, adding in a new file type could possibly bugger up the scaling for thumbnails maybe?

You can just delete the .webp bit, right? Is there another issue or am I posting on Mumsnet by mistake again?

You can normally borrow about 4.5x of your salary on top of your deposit. You'll probably need a longer history of income, especially if self-employed. That could take a year or two.

It might be worth getting a credit card and spending a bit each month, making sure it's paid off in full to avoid interest. It's an easy way to demonstrate that you manage money well. Having no evidence of debt management can be a negative thing, I suppose the logic is 'if we can't see you managing small debts, we're unsure about your personality with larger debts'.

I often check both moneysavingexpert and r/ukpersonalfinance because they'll have a lot of info on this sort of thing.

>>7466
Seconded for r/ukpersonalfinance , there's some absolutely stellar advice given there on this sort of thing.

>>7464
Okay - a mortgage broker will definitely help as they will have actual offers from lenders. I can recommend Charles Cameron.

There are three variables to a mortgage - how much you earn (£80k), how much deposit you have (£90k) and how affordable your monthly payments are going to be. On the downside, you're self-employed, which means you have to do a little bit more proving you can still earn that much in the future. Your £90k deposit is a very good upside though. You can generally borrow between 3x and 5x your earnings depending on how dependable they are and the lender/offer.

On the affordability side, the general rule of thumb is you should be spending no more than 28% of your monthly income after tax is paid, which for you is about 1200 quid per month. The last variable is how many years you are taking the mortgage for, this varies between 10 and 30 years. Based on all that I would think you could be getting a mortgage of about £250k which added to your deposit means you can buy a property of £300k-ish.

You should get a mortgage that allows you to overpay - if you're as good a saver as you say, this means that you can overpay it every month, which dramatically shortens the term. There are mortgages (offset mortgages) that also allow you to keep your savings and balance the mortgage against it - again, a broker will help here as they can get actual offers to talk about.

When you speak to a broker, and they talk to lenders, you'll have to do some extra work because of being self-employed and the fact that rules have tightened up around affordability recently, but you have a good deposit and that really helps.

>>7466
>It might be worth getting a credit card and spending a bit each month, making sure it's paid off in full to avoid interest. It's an easy way to demonstrate that you manage money well. Having no evidence of debt management can be a negative thing, I suppose the logic is 'if we can't see you managing small debts, we're unsure about your personality with larger debts'.

Bumping this thread because I'm curious of how true it is. Like OP I've always avoided debt (student loan aside) and I've got more to show as a result because I've never paid interest and always had sizeable savings for anything that goes wrong. Plus I didn't want to be enslaved to debt in my youth.

It seems like something that would be more applicable to the American market but numerous older people told this to me growing up, that I should just buy things on credit and then pay them off because it's essential to home ownership. It would be satisfying to know that these people were idiots.

>>7875

>It would be satisfying to know that these people were idiots.

Unfortunately not. The files held by credit reference agencies only include information on credit you've taken out. If you've always avoided debt, then lenders have very little information on your ability to reliably repay it. You might be very prudent, or you might have avoided debt because you're bad with money know that you'd get into trouble. Small, occasional borrowing that is reliably repaid proves that you can be trusted with a bigger loan. Your energy and phone bills do go on your credit file, but it's useful to have some other borrowing history to give lenders more information.

Besides that, if you're good at managing money you can substantially benefit by using rewards credit cards for your spending - you'll get cashback or vouchers for free, just for buying what you would normally buy.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/credit-rating-credit-score/

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/best-credit-card-rewards/

>>89767
I knew someone would post this eventually.

>>89763

Well... Not quite. They still have their Old Money types, and if you're not part of that OG Colonial Crackas club you'll never be in it, even if you're the President of the United States. This is a large part of the reason the US establishment has vilified Trump, he's not part of that old reptilian aristocracy, even if he's filthy fucking rich. There's a reason Tiger Woods was fair game for wholesale press slander, and it's the same reason premiership footballers and celebrities over here are. Filthy rich, but still working class.

Even so, money still makes enough of a difference to make almost any and all racially, sexually or gender based discrimination complaint utterly irrelevant. I'm reminded of the thing we have over here where West Ham fans chuck bananas at black players. I heard one of those players speaking at an interview and he said, with a degree of frankness the interviewers weren't expecting, that it's hard to let insults like that get under his skin when he earns more in a week than many of those people do in their lives.

Money changes the balance of power. If I'm a middle class white guy, and I called the black CEO of an oil company a monkey, the balance of power is squarely in his favour because he is so rich. Calling him a monkey is no longer punching down like it would be if I called a street youf from East London the same thing.

>>89766

That's what I already alluded to in mentioning the strong streak of traditional conservatism amongst US black and British Asian demographics. They certainly have their reasons- With black folks it's because they desire the most freedom possible and least inSURFerence from white men in government. In British Asians it's because they want the freedom to lock their women in cupboards or exploit the workers in their carpet emporium.

But the case is still pretty strong that being conservative when you're poor is in fact a sign you're thick.

>>89770

>inSURFerence

Never change, .gs.

>>89771

I think Brian could do with learning about RegEx \bword\b boundaries, though.

>>89762
>It's also possible to be very, very rich at the same time as being gay or black. Possibly even both.
Yes, and the Democratic party exists to represent the interests of very, very rich social liberals/minorities, while the Republican party exists to represent the interests of very, very rich social conservatives/WASPs.

>>3549

Not Op, but in a similar problem.

I'm from a shit northern town, looking to escape the shit northern life, so I've got myself a job in zone 1 and shouldn't be hurting for money.

Only issue is that I'm moving down in september with the bird, and finding property available then is a nightmare. Is there something about the london market that makes lettings so immediate? Can any of you lads help?

Anon just to add some balance.

I'm from Manchester and moved to London for work (though ironically back in Manchester for a while because of Corona) and living in London changed my feelings about the UK. Sure, you can probably find close to, or most things, that you want in Manchester but London is a completely different ball game. It's expensive to live there because the good jobs are there in abundance and it's a place worth living in. I'm never bored on the weekends, there's always something going on or something to do. In normal times you're a tube ride away from the airport to go on a weekend break somewhere or further afield, the networking is great and there's always weird quirky shit you can do, go to Viktor Wynd's Museum then stroll round Hyde Park on the way home - what a nice Sunday.

There are of course downsides, mainly the standard of living and the cost of it, but to me it makes it worth it, but I'm not over 30 and looking to settle down so that might change things significantly.

Compared to living in Manchester as well it blew my mind how little rain London gets. It might be grey, but that constant unending drizzle doesn't seem to exist in the same way as it does in Manchester and makes me significantly less depressed. London has it's rough areas, but it has also been gentrified (and don't shoot me Corbyn-lads, but I don't think improving areas is a bad thing, we can't stay stagnant for fear of some people being left behind because they like their shitholes shit.) so there are a lot of nice places everywhere. In Manchester you kind of have the city centre bit then outside of it is really just scarred post-industrial towns and villages like Oldham, Rochdale, Stockport, Bury. None of them are bad places, but none of them will make you look back on your deathbed and feel like you've been living. Again, London has their grim areas, but they still feel significantly less shite than up north.

Finally if you're looking for a partner, London seems to have great choice, there are lots of ambitious, young, driven people from all over the world all crammed into one crazy city with money to spend. What's not to like about that?

My vote goes to London. I could never contemplate living somewhere like Manchester permanently again.

>>3550
I don't know how Corona has impacted it but London lettings move fast, you have to just go with your gut I've found. There's too many people, too much competition and you don't have the days to ponder it like you do elsewhere. It's a bit of a risk but if you sign six months you can always look to be moving out.

>>3551
>go to Viktor Wynd's Museum
I fingered a girl's bum in there. The bar staff gave us funny looks when we left as there's obviously CCTV. She bought me a turkish dinner after.

>>3552
A truly great place.

I am in general happier and more financially secure living up north, but every time I go to London I wish I lived there again. It really is just a lot more interesting. But up here I have a reasonably large house with a private road leading to it and some gardens and land - I could not hope to afford much more than a shoebox in streatham for the same sort of money, and as my main hobby is car fiddling which requires space, I have made my choice to settle up here.

If my career goes the way I intend, I will probably end up back down there in some suburb.

Conditioning

>>13291

Spicy Savory and Sweet Mexican Corn Bowl (Elote)

1 Can of Corn
A couple scoops of Mayonnaise
Grated Cheese like Parmesan
Powdered Cayenne or Chili Pepper

Drain the water from the can, heat corn in microwave bowl, add scoops of mayonnaise and mix to where the corn is lightly-moderately saturated in it. Make sure there's very little to no water in the bowl before hand. Add grated parmesan and mix so there's enough to see throughout. Add light to moderate amount of Cayenne Pepper. You may want to just sprinkle it on top or mix it in.

An alternative to a can of corn is to buy corn cobs and cut the corn off the cob with a knife.

Works best with small to mid-size potatoes, cooking times may vary depending on what kind of potatoes you have.

Requires:
- Potatoes
- Salt and Pepper
- Cooking Oil
- Vinegar

Pre-heat your oven to around 180-200C.

Take some potatoes, wash them and then peel them using a knife by shaving off strips roughly 2-5 mm thick. Try and keep the strips relatively even.

Put the kettle on.

Rinse the potato peels to get rid of excess starch, pat them dry, put them in a dry bowl and with salt and pepper. You can add any other dry spice you want. Add a good dollop of cooking oil, then mix some more until the skins are reasonably evenly coated. It's better to use a bit too much oil than a bit too little. Spread them on a baking tray lined with tin foil (without overlapping if possible) then stick them in the oven. While they cook, roughly dice the peeled potatoes and put them in a pot with the boiled water from the kettle and 3-4 table spoons of vinegar. They need to boil for ~20 minutes, the vinegar prevents the potato from falling apart during boiling.

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I've been making tea in the saucepan lately and I find it tastes better, kind of softer.

Here's my method:

Put the cold water and teabag into the saucepan
Put on a high heat
When it's come up to boil it's done
Pour into a cup and add milk and sugar to taste

>>65245
A better question would be how well does this stuff improve the skin of your bellend.

>>65249 Oh gawd, what's selfmutilationlad up to during lockdown? Probably just got a little stump left...

>>65246
Nah metatrons were the small bionicles

How is the new moon energy treating you lads?

Just remember to cool your candles with energised water only to avoid throwing them off balance.